Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXXIX · 9:04pm Sep 7th, 2023
Yet again I find myself with nothing important or particularly interesting going on. Which I suppose is a good thing: nothing means no bad things, yes? So for this week I figure I’ll talk about my ongoing writing progress.
Last month I set for myself the goal of writing 1,350 words/day. I am pleased to report that I pulled that off, despite skipping a week of writing overall for the month. I didn’t even find it all that hard, which pleases me greatly. But I’m still not at my general goal of 50,000 words/month, so for September I’m bumping up the target to 1,500 words/day. This won’t be enough to hit that 50,000-word target, but baby steps. If I keep growing my wordcounts monthly like this, I’ll be able to hit the target come November, which is the ideal for obviously thematic reasons.
I suppose the real question, aside from “can I do it?”, is whether or not I’ll focus strictly on a single story in November, just for the sake of saying I met the more specific requirements of NaNoWriMo. And… I don’t know. I guess it depends on what I’m working on at the time.
Guppy Love is going smoothly. I’ve got the story up to right before the surgery, which in this case I think will be… halfway? I don’t know, depends upon how I play the part after. When I wrote the FIMFiction version I had certain ideas around the latter half that didn’t make the cut because I felt the behavior wouldn’t fit with Applejack. But now the lead character isn’t technically AJ, so there’s a good chance I can do those things this time.
The second story, still tentatively titled To My Uncle, is nearing completion of the first draft. I’m on the last chapter, but I’m not exactly confident in it right now. I originally intended each chapter to have a theme and that the final chapter would bring them all together, but I don’t feel like I pulled that off. I’ll have to re-read through it and see if I can’t make any adjustments (or find that my misgivings are all in my head). I think the primary problem is that, ignoring a very brief brainstorming session where I decided each chapter’s theme, I wrote the story in a very “off the cuff” style, which meant some of the material may have gotten away from the intention.
No matter. I don’t intend to blow an excessive amount of time on it. After my editing run and maybe getting a pre-reader for it, it’s definitely getting released. I don’t know that it’ll wow anyone, but hey, a story released is always a worthwhile thing.
I finished my editing run on Bulletproof Heart for the second print release. That’s two books down and two to go. I’m currently going through the collected short stories of Foundations. This project is straightforward in nature, so it’s not much of a burden for me. The only significant thing to fret over is that I want to give Frequency a new, updated cover and I still haven’t started searching for an artist to handle it. I know what I want to do, I’m just dragging my feet on the matter.
One flight of fancy I’ve had lately is to add artwork to Foundations. Essentially, cover art to go before each story. Some of the existing cover art here on FIMFiction are commissions and would just be reused, but others are not commissioned works and so could be replaced, perhaps all by the same artist. But I don’t know; that would be pricey both for me and the people buying the book, and I’m not sure if it would be worth it in the end.
Then there is, of course, the horror-lite drama Absentia. By now I’m fairly confident it won’t be seeing a Halloween release, mostly because piecing together the individual elements is going to be so difficult. I’ve got two separate storylines going on simultaneously that are supposed to meet at the end in a big climax. The story is set at different times and multiple threads need to all connect at the end. My current solution is to simply write out one protagonist’s story up to the point right before the climax, then go back and write the second protagonist’s story with the appropriate interconnections. This is because the second protagonist’s overarching story is entirely dependent on knowing the first protagonist’s story ahead of time.
But then there’s the question of content. I’ve written approximately 30,000 words of material just for the first protagonist, and while all of it feels necessary I don’t think I can keep it all if I want to follow the alternating format I originally had in mind. I fully expect I’ll have to cut some of that content, but how much? Which parts can I remove without damaging the overarching narrative? Which ones do I want to keep just because I like them versus their actual merit to the plot, and can I even recognize that? These thoughts plague me constantly as I write it.
So yeah, I seriously doubt this is going to land a Halloween release. Which is disappointing, but eh, it could be worse. I’ve considered dropping it for a little while in favor of writing a short story just so that I would have something available for the season, but I dunno. Despite all my reservations I’m really on a roll with it and am not eager to lose that momentum. Maybe if I finish To My Uncle in time I can use its slot to do that instead.
Whew, I had a lot more to say about this than I thought! I better get to the reviews before I start off on some other tangent. Shall we?
Stories for This Week:
by PseudoBob Delightus
Shifting Sides by Moonatik
Finding Daylight by RaylanKrios
And That's Good Enough by Soufriere
Two Ponies by TwilightSnarkle
The New Hacker In Town by AlexTFish
Kill Phil by TheAshenKnight
Goldilocks and the Three Months Spent in Young Offender's Prison by Impossible Numbers
To Rekindle the Sun by Donraj
Changeling Space Program by Kris Overstreet
Total Word Count: 380,119
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
4,500 Words
PseudoBob Delightus's cover art refused to play nice.
Pinkie Pie is invisible! Not just invisible, she also can’t be heard, not even her party cannon. How is a party pony supposed to spread joy if nopony can see or hear her?
This story operates using a particular gimmick, namely making the words as close to invisible as possible so long as said words come from Pinkie’s perspective. Sometimes this leads to entire chapters being invisible save for the dialogue spoken by other characters. Luckily, I am tech savvy enough that I quickly found a way to read the story regardless – and no, I’m not sharing, because that would ruin the fun. Although I will say that the solution is very simple, albeit maybe harder for someone not reading on a PC.
On the surface, this is an exceedingly simple story about Pinkie Pie doing Pinkie Pie things and how others react to that. From that angle, the gimmick gives the story the extra edge it needs to be noticeable above the others. But still, just Pinkie being Pinkie. If that appeals to you and you’re willing to go through the trouble of making the text readable (assuming you can figure that out), you’ll probably enjoy this one.
Good for a smile and not a bad way to spend fifteen minutes.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Shifting Sides
6,147 Words
By Moonatik
Grim Fate is a necromancer from distant lands. Eager to continue her practice without interference from the more moral and righteous side of society, she threw her lot in with King Sombra to become one of his senior legates. But the war has gone poorly, and the Crystal City is the last bastion of Sombra’s Empire. Soon Nightmare Moon will challenge King Sombra personally, and even his supporters know where things are going. Now all Grim Fate can do is survive for another minute in a world where everypony hates her.
I originally thought this was set in the Nightmare Wins timeline. But no, instead it’s set in Moonatik’s New Lunar Millenium AU, which is itself based on the Equestria at War mod for the grand strategy game Hearts of Iron IV. I only played the third one, and not for very long as the steep learning curve scared me off (though I intend to get back into it someday), but generally speaking it’s a World War II-based civ-game. It also doesn’t follow actual historical events, rather letting you decide how the global situation changes. Long story short: all you absolutely need to know is that this story is set in a World War II-scenario of Equestria.
The meat of the story is Grim Fate on the run. Like Berlin being overrun by the Soviets, the Crystal City is facing intense street fighting with Sombra’s brainwashed soldiers and free-minded but desperate officers constantly losing ground to Nightmare Moon’s army. As you might expect, Grim Fate is not a good pony. She’s also fiercely determined to get out of this alive.
It was an interesting decision on Moonatik’s part to have the story star a villain. Grim Fate doesn’t have anything in the way of redeeming qualities and quickly demonstrates that she is not a pony worth rooting for. Nor does it end on a surprising note. Without going into spoiler territory, let’s just say defeating King Sombra does not make the Lunar Empire the good guys.
I am certainly curious about this world. That may have been the whole point of the story: to generate curiosity for the AU in which this is set. Granted, there’s no indication of things like culture or worldbuilding or lore. Everything is presented as-is without any bells or whistles. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to see if there might be more out there.
Nothing amazing, but not a bad story by any means. So long as you’re a fan of the universe (which is apparently a long-running thing on derpibooru), like following villains, or are simply interested in wartorn Equestria, this may prove worth your while. It didn’t feel like my cup of tea overall, but it’s clear that there are fans for this stuff.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Finding Daylight
3,942 Words
By RaylanKrios
Sequel to Chasing Daylight
In the prior story, Scootaloo learned that Rainbow Dash is her biological mother. This revelation was not a happy one, because Rainbow knew it all along and had refused to say anything. Now that the immediate fireworks are over, the two must figure out what comes next. Assuming, that is, that Scootaloo can tolerate Rainbow’s presence long enough to discuss the matter.
This sequel was much-needed. Set a month after the events of the prior story, it reveals a Rainbow Dash crashing at Fluttershy’s place and so depressed she can’t be bothered to get off Fluttershy‘s couch. Meanwhile, Scootaloo is struggling with her personal reality, trying to decide how to address the anger that hasn’t stopped boiling in all that time. We also get some asides to learn what Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom think of the ongoing situation. Those are merely tangents, but I have to admit I’m glad to get Apple Bloom’s perspective.
I ended up liking this one much more than the last one. It doesn’t resort to exposition as gratuitously. Better yet, it settles loose ends without suggesting that it’ll all be harmony and friendship from now on. What Rainbow did to Scootaloo is painful, and no effort is made to sugercoat that, but at least some understanding between parties is allowed. I like that. It felt very… mature.
A worthwhile conclusion that I’m glad I bothered to try out.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Roles We Play — Worth It
Twilight Breaks a Pinkie Promise — Worth It
Chasing Daylight — Worth It
And That's Good Enough
5,750 Words
By Soufriere
Sequel to Minor Relapse
Sunset Shimmer goes for a walk and rambles for ~5,800 words.
No, really, that’s it.
This one is simple in premise but touches on a ton of topics in a long, seemingly unstructured way. The whole point, as far as I can tell, is to summarize Sunset’s overarching position and mindset in her ongoing, gradual recovery from the depths of suicidal depression. This is the first time in a while that Soufriere wrote one of these in a way that makes it feel like something other than a ‘story’.
There are some interesting tidbits here. There’s the suggestion that the Equestria Girls world is some utopia devoid of such concepts as ‘wars’ and ‘bad things’. That or Sunset was commenting on the soft, ignorant, care-free nature of the people in the town where she now lives. It could go either way, really. There’s also the revelation of the EqG world’s form of currency, “Bux”, although I can’t be sure if that’s a Soufriere creation or something introduced by the comics I never bothered to read. Was still neat to hear it described, even if only in a limited fashion.
There’s also the nod to EqG Rarity’s ongoing crush on Sunset, which the dumb redhead is still utterly clueless towards. That got a little smile out of me.
But for the most part, it’s Sunset reflecting on her miserable mental state while going for a walk. Apparently she takes these walks daily in an effort to cheer herself up, baby steps in the fight against depression and self-critique. Some parts were interesting, some were annoying. I’m rather tired of Soufriere reminding us every single story that the cable spool in her living room was stolen from a construction site and now serves as her coffee table. Seriously, author, if you just call it a cable spool instead of a table that will be all the reminder we need.
I came away from this one with an overall meh feeling. It’s clearly meant to be a bridging ‘chapter’ in this story arc, setting things up for later and giving readers an overview of the situation in case they’ve lost track over the last ten stories (not an unfounded concern, especially if they’re going through it as slowly as I have been). I’m okay with this, especially if it leads to better, more interesting things down the road.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sasha — Pretty Good
One Does Not Deny A Lady — Pretty Good
Night Of Faded Sun — Pretty Good
Exes Meet — Pretty Good
Sunset Shimmer: Spider Queen — Pretty Good
Two Ponies
11,946 Words
By TwilightSnarkle
Requested by NumberFifth
Smudge was a simple pony with a lot of love.
Looking at the cover art and the plain description, I honestly don’t think this would have drawn me in on its own. It’s amazing that it has existed for only a little longer than I’ve been a FIMFictionite and it only has ~950 views.
“But Paul, that’s a lot of views!”
You young whippersnappers don’t understand. Back in 2013 netting 1,000 views was “average” at best, and this story hasn’t made it there in 10 years. That is a crime. Or at least it should be.
What we have here is the story of an OC earth pony simple of mind and action, the story of his life, and how that life came to be recognized post-mortem. Set over the course of three generations, it’s at times touching, bittersweet, and emotional. It is a tale excellently delivered, informing the reader of so much without having to say a lot. TwilightSnarkle knew exactly what to write to paint precisely the picture we needed in a given moment. By the time it’s over, it’s hard not to love it.
I’d say more, but honestly? This is something better experienced for oneself. Go give Ol’ Smudge the attention he deserves. My thanks to NumberFifth for bringing this one to my attention.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The New Hacker In Town
12,679 Words
By AlexTFish
Alternative Title: The Equestria Girls are Idiots
Someone just robbed Sci-Twi’s lab, taking several of her latest (questionably legal) experiments and prototypes. The answer of who comes very quickly: it’s the human world’s Sunset Shimmer. (What, spoilers? It’s in the very first chapter!) Stopping her would be a breeze… if the Human Seven would stop dropping idiot bombs.
And, oh, there are plenty of idiot bombs to go around.
The story’s overarching premise is very simple: human Sunset Shimmer is a lifelong thief who somehow got her hands on a pen filled with Equestrian magic that lets her break into anything she wants, and thus uses it to steal advanced tech to further develop her thieving options. Unfortunately for her, this time she stole from Sci-Twi, and the Human Seven are far more capable than the measly police at tracking people like her down.
This was going fine at the start. The characters are all spot-on, the visual elements are great, and it’s always interesting to see a theory regarding Non-pony Sunset Shimmer. By the time we’re sneaking into the villain Sundown’s lair in Chapter 2, AlexTFish has got my attention with this one.
Then things fall apart. I’m sorry, you’re saying that Sundown has a weapon and is holding Spike and Fluttershy hostage? Excuse me for just one moment whilst I remind you all of something:
You see that? Whether she’s human or pony, Rainbow Dash is more than fast enough to save both Spike and Fluttershy before Sundown can even blink. Throw in the fact that Sundown is waving her weapon around rather than actively using it to threaten her hostages and it becomes even easier. She literally stands absolutely zero chance of winning in this situation. So the Human Seven, seeing this situation, nobly… decide to… surrender?
This is the problem with stories that have superspeed characters: nobody ever uses them properly. It’s like the characters (or the writers) have conveniently forgotten exactly what they can do for the sake of unrealistic drama. It happens all the time and I fucking hate it. This move by itself was enough for AlexTFish to lose all my goodwill for this story.
Yes, yes, I know: “But if the heroes win now there’s no story!” I’m not asking for them to win, I’m asking for someone to just once come up with a reason for the superspeed character to fail for a legitimate reason. There wasn’t one here. At all. It’s made all the dumber when Rainbow Dash, the girl who can go from the school to Applejack’s farm and back in only a second or two (and effectively read and retain information from Applejack’s blueprints (and diary) in the interim), can’t keep up with a stupid drone. It might have been different if we’d received some sort of indication that this version of Rainbow is slower than the one in the show, but no, we’ve got direct in-story evidence that she’s still that fast. So the fact that they lost because Sundown has a pair of hostages is utter bullshit.
And in case that’s not dumb enough for you, let’s have Sundown use the fake text messaging trick that Sunset Shimmer herself used in the past and, somehow, nobody notices the obvious tactic. Because somehow this intense, potentially life-and-death situation that’s on a timetable is less important than whatever silly side projects that have come up for all five of them on the same night.
Let’s not forget that Sundown, who is trying to project a villainous appearance, keeps letting her enemies go with vague threats instead of, you know, dealing with them for good. You’d think this would be a signal for “not a monster” Sunset Shimmer to realize that her doppelganger is just as much a paper tiger as she was, but no, the thought never occurs to her or anyone else.
Idiot bombs. Idiot bombs everywhere.
I suppose most readers will see this kind of thing and think I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. I get that, and if they want to ignore these issues – no matter how blatant I feel they are – then that’s fine. Because once again, there are plenty of elements that do work well for the story. Pinkie Pie regularly reminding the others of obvious solutions to ongoing problems, Rainbow’s characteristic impatience, Applejack’s inability to turn off the caps-lock; the characters are very well depicted in familiar and sometimes humorous ways, and I find that alone to be a big plus in the story’s favor.
To be honest, if it hadn’t been for the whole Rainbow Dash superspeed fiasco, I’d be treating this story much more kindly. I’m just sick and tired of seeing authors nerf such a well-established ability whenever it becomes inconvenient. As long as you’re willing to forgive the blatant plot holes created as a result, you’ll probably get more out of this story than I did. Because really, outside of those issues it’s not a bad piece overall.
Even if I think the last scene was a blatant excuse to skip the whole ‘here’s why you should stop being a bad guy’ plot element. Honestly, it feels like the gang just unleashed a monster on Equestria without a care for the inevitable consequences.
I’m putting this one on the middle ground, because I’m self-aware enough to understand that my primary grief with this story may be overstating the problem.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Daring Do: The Opera — Pretty Good
Kill Phil
3,337 Words
By TheAshenKnight
Pinkamena Diane Pie is an assassin! But she works for the Great White Mare, so it’s kinda okay? Anyway, an anonymous third party has commissioned a hit on a particularly unusual target: Philomena the Phoenix. Needless to say, this brings with it a lot of issues.
I am entertained. Pinkie has to first catch the ever-elusive and clever bird, then she has to figure out a way to kill something that is immortal. Without Celestia finding out about it, mind you. And in Canterlot Castle. Simply put, it’s no easy task. Which won’t stop our ever-enthusiastic pink party pony (pursuing particularly painful part-time practices) from trying!
This one is silly on its face, but manages to be so while keeping Pinkie delightfully Pinkie Pie-ish. As long as you’re okay with the general absurdity, there’s no reason not to give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Sun's Torment — Worth It
The Manehattan Project — Needs Work
Dinky decides to write a re-imagining of the old Goldilocks story. For class, of course. She gives it to Derpy and big sister Amethyst, hoping they won’t be able to read between the lines. With Derpy, that’s a no-brainer (not to put too fine a point on it). For Amethyst… well.
This was a delightful piece! Little Dinky committed a Bad, and uses the Goldilocks story to try and fess up without actually fessing up. The good news is that Derpy isn’t the sharpest tool in the toolbox. The bad news is that Amethyst is, and Dinky has to use all the tools in her toolbox to try and avoid the consequences.
The dynamics of relationships here aren’t clear. It’s clarified directly that Amethyst is Dinky’s big sister, but Derpy’s role in all of this is never stated. Neither Dinky nor Amethyst refer to her in any way but name and vice-versa, which suggests that she’s not Dinky’s mother, although her treatment of Dinky strongly suggests at least a motherly dedication towards her. At first I thought this story might be related to another one I read in which Derpy gave an unwitting Dinky up for adoption, but no, different author. So I’m really not sure what the specific relationships are here in regards to Derpy. It’s really not a big deal, but everyone has expectations so I thought it worth bringing up.
Regardless of what the relationship dynamics might be, the character dynamics here are great! We’ve got a Derpy who is profoundly innocent and only expects the same from others, an Amethyst who is profoundly practical and intelligent enough to see a fast one when it’s trying to slip past her, and a Dinky who is used to navigating the both of them like an experienced chess player who just can’t beat the master, but darn if she won’t make a go at it. It’s amusing from start to finish, all three characters having moments to shine. The character work is the selling point for this one.
I have no complaints. It’s a fun little tale about a smart filly trying to slip one past a smarter adult while trying not to disappoint the not-so-smart one. If that appeals to you (and why wouldn’t it?), then you should definitely give this a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The King and the Changeling — WHYRTY?
Midnight Bloo — WHYRTY?
Limestone Pie Meets Petunia Paleo — Pretty Good
To Rekindle the Sun
9,764 Words
By Donraj
Princess Celestia has been miserable for the past year, and Twilight Sparkle is willing to do whatever it takes to get her beloved mentor back. If only she hadn’t decided to drag Shining Armor around to assist.
This story is… fast. Yes, ‘fast’ is the best descriptor. It’s one of those ‘retell the first two episodes but with a twist!’ stories. I admit that I rather like the twist of this one. To be brief, it has Twilight Sparkle decide to intentionally summon Nightmare Moon on the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration in an attempt to reunite Celestia with her sister. Since this kinda-halfway-sorta makes Twilight the villain in this story, Shining Armor takes her place as the main character out to gather the Elements of Harmony.
Spike? Who is Spike?
(Amusingly, Spike is mentioned offhand as having been hatched, but that’s all the attention Donraj was willing to grant the poor guy.)
I have to admit that I really like this angle. Handled well, it could make for one of the more interesting renditions of this tired plot trope. The catch is that Donraj blasts through the story faster than Rainbow doing a Sonic Rainboom. This resulted in a feeling of opportunity lost as we skim (if not outright skip) Shining Armor’s introduction to some of the Mane Six, throw away all of the challenges of Episode 2 (and don’t bother to make any original ones to replace them), and refuse to give any scene the time it needs to have any sort of impact on the reader. So yeah, it felt rushed.
There’s also the confusion of timing. Supposedly this is set on the eve of the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration, so we expect it to be the first episode. But wait, Rainbow Dash has already won the Best Young Flier’s Competition and made it into the Wonderbolt Reserves! When I saw that I had to question if I’d misread before and this story was actually taking place a few seasons later, but no, 1000th Summer Sun Celebration.
So not only are you going to have to accept that we’re running through events too quickly for them to stick, but we’re also going to have to ignore any blatant alterations to the canon timeline.
Again, I like this concept. And I even like the direction Donraj was trying to take, revising how the Mane Six get through the problems in the wake of Twilight’s decisions. Had Donraj kept the plot exactly the same but slowed it down so that the individual scenes could shine, this might have been a great piece. As is, it’s only so-so.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Exes — Worth It
Fireworks on the Farm — Worth It
Perks — Needs Work
Changeling Space Program
317,730 Words
By Kris Overstreet
Alternative Title: We Got Away With It
Recently crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle has just published a theory suggesting that the solar system is not geocentric like the scientific community has long held to be true, but rather heliocentric. And then Princess Luna – a pony who would know – confirms it. As the world is rocked by this new reality, Twilight declares her intention to begin a space program. Then Queen Chrysalis learns about all this…
This story is, at its core, a ponification of the space program simulator Kerbal Space Program. The instant I saw that Kris was writing it, I knew I had to read it. Of course, to get into it you have to accept a few caveats. First, Celestia and Luna do not actually raise the sun and moon so much as they give the earth and the moon little nudges to ensure they maintain a proper orbital path at all times. Second, the entire scientific community just got turned completely on its head, negating hundreds if not thousands of years of established knowledge, but in a matter of weeks enough creatures are experts on rocket science and the motions of orbital bodies that viable space programs can be started in various nations at largely the same time.
But let’s not take this all too seriously. The kerbals sure didn’t! In the story, Chrysalis comes to the conclusion that the moon must be home to incredible magical power, and if she can get to it then she can claim all that power for herself and summarily conquer Equestria with it. But to do that, she has to get there before Twilight Sparkle. That means starting her own space program. The story thus follows Chrysalis as she commits the entirety of her hive’s resources on the space race, risking it all for a shot at what she expects will be ultimate power.
From the start, it is clear that the changelings (at least as depicted here) are the perfect substitutes for kerbals. Their resiliency, lack of intelligence, and general pleasantness is ceaselessly endearing, especially when they first demonstrate exactly how little they understand of this whole “getting to space” thing. Though still unreformed, these are definitely more post-Season 5 changelings than they are Canterlot Wedding changelings, and that works wonderfully.
But as the cover suggests, it’s not just changelings in the CSP. Cherry Berry comes along early and makes herself pivotal to their efforts, becoming second in power only to Chrysalis herself. Cherry was a delightful foil for the ever-scheming Chrysalis, holding her own both as a character and as an astromare. And, I must admit, her entrance into the story was delightful for multiple reasons. Aside from Cherry, we’ve also got assorted characters like Occupant the flight controller and mail-order magazine enthusiast, Dragonfly the death jockey, a quartet of minotaurs each based off a renowned real-world rocket scientist, and a griffon finally finding his place in history. And we’re never allowed to forget that other nations are vying for space as well, such as the Crystal Empire (I’m mildly surprised Cadance got to be an astromare), the zebras, the kirin, the hippogriffs and, yes, even the diamond dogs.
But we are never allowed to forget the central players: Equestria and the changelings, constantly in a tight race for the moon that is always just one flight (and disaster) away from being decided. Best of all, both sides realize that they have weaknesses the other side lacks, and so in many ways the race is also a joint venture. For as much as Chrysalis wants to conquer Equestria, the story is also about how the changelings are beginning to cooperate and ingratiate themselves with the creatures that once feared and hated them.
Yet Chrysalis is easily the best part of this story. She’s evil, but not Evil or evil. She’s wicked and delights in being so, and yet she’s also unavoidably entertaining and endearing. I loved Kris’s interpretation of her character. Yes, she’s a tyrant, but as much as she insists otherwise she’s not without a heart, and while she would deny it on her deathbed she does care about the wellbeing of her subjects. The result is a character who is, to put it simply, the finest form of tsundere. I especially appreciate how she approaches so many things from the perspective of politics and scheming, which really differentiated her from the others.
On a more technical note, I love Kris’s solution to footnotes, at least initially. The story is full of them (>500), and they are often quite amusing. In the first few chapters and the last one, they appear on the right side of the screen, with the main text blocking around it. This is by far and away the best use of footnotes I’ve ever seen in a FIMFiction story, being easy to find and enjoy without having to lose one’s place in the actual story, and I would love to know how Kris did it.
Oddly, Kris only did this for the first few chapters and the last one. All the others use the extremely poor “put it at the bottom of the scene” method. Not sure what prompted such a decision, but it is most unfortunate.
Kris also decided to actually perform the missions described in-story in KSP itself, and provided screenshots of the rockets and missions. This worked wonderfully: when the images in a story are custom made for the story itself, they can work wonderfully, and this is certainly true in a story where the descriptions for certain things can get very confusing very quickly. Describing all the parts of even a simple KSP rocket can be challenging, and this allows Kris to effectively overcome the barrier. The concluding video at the end summarizing all the missions undertaken was a nice touch. Considering I was shit at KSP without a MechJeb installed somewhere on my ships, I must salute his ingame skill.
I also greatly appreciate how well Kris blended the concept, mood, and overall style of KSP with those of FiM. In many ways this felt like KSP, but without sacrificing the fact that it’s set in Equestria. Better yet, it’s set in the show’s Equestria, with all the humor and style that suggests. The two blend wonderfully together and the author took full advantage of that. Events from the show even continue to happen as it did in canon, excepting of course those elements that would directly conflict with the story’s events, such as To Where and Back Again (although it got a highly amusing nod in the form of Chrysalis having a nightmare). It was especially nice of Kris to find ways to use FiM logic to fix inconsistencies within KSP itself, such as how in the game food and water are never considerations, or how kerbal space suits never seem to run out of thrust, or how KSP spaceships seem able to withstand events that would rip any real-world spaceship to so much shredded metal.
If I had anything I didn’t like, I’d say it’s the climax. Throughout the story Chrysalis has this vision of absorbing all the moon’s magic and using it to conquer Equestria. Thing is, I never saw anyone confirm to her that the moon has any magic at all. Honestly, I was seriously hoping Chrysalis would get to the moon only to discover that she’d been deluding herself all along and now stuck taking the peaceful route whether she liked it or not because she’d dumped literally everything the changeling kingdom had into this one endeavor. Instead we get… Well. What we got. I won’t be spoiling it, but it felt sort of dues ex machina to me, and not in a good way. It still wound up with a ‘good ending’ vibe, and that’s fine because I was expecting that anyway. This just isn’t the method of getting there I expected or wanted.
Not that I can blame Kris for that, so I won’t be holding it against the overall rating much.
Ultimately, this was a fun and amusing romp with everyone’s favorite bunch of bugfolk. Every moment had its moment, nothing felt rushed, and things are always fun even when they’re serious. The cast of characters are as diverse as they are endearing, and you might actually learn a thing or two about space (or KSP: I for one never even considered the idea of getting out and pushing!). In short, I had a blast and never wanted to stop reading. I’m really looking forward to The Maretian now, even knowing I won’t be able to get to it for a long time.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Chrysalis Saves Hearth's Warming — WHYRTY?
Rarity Dreams of Non-Electric Sheep — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Time:
Doused Flame by heartlessons
Snowed In by OkemosBrony
The Girl Who Orbited the Sun by Dee Pad
Strange Currencies by Captain_Hairball
Rain Party by False Door
In Between The War by Galaxy Night
Sunsets Shattering by 719276
Fang and Flame by horizon
Rash-onality by SpitFlame
Captain of the Sky by bats
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Next time I have a transatlantic flight, looks like I'll have good reading material. Kerbal changelings, nice.
Bux is not a canon thing. My first guess was that they would have recycled bits as the currency, but an editor questioned my use of it, and sure enough, they explicitly use dollars in two of the EqG shorts.
Impossible Numbers writes lots of stories about Dinky, Amethyst, and Derpy, and it it is said in some of them that Derpy's their mother, so I guess it might not occur to him to make it clear in all the stories, if they're occurring in a continuity.
I've read "To Rekindle the Sun," and in addition to feeling rushed, I felt like the perspective jumped around a lot, was pretty telly, and despite not being tagged a comedy, it kept up a steady stream of light humor that imo was at a tonal dissonance with the plot. The plot itself was fine, and I'd rate it the same as you did.
Funny story: the idea for Goldilocks... (yeah, I'm not writing the whole title) came out of a mock daydreaming session while I was out shopping, just coming up with ridiculous reimaginings of the Goldilocks tale (personal favourite is the survival horror take, which ended up being one of Amethyst's).
Normally, I keep a notepad on me at all times so I can capture ideas as and when they come up, but I ended up jotting down so many jumbled notes at once that I had to hurry home and write the fic out of fear of forgetting the whole thing. Totally out of nowhere. It caught even me by surprise.
This is one of those rare fics of mine which I wrote almost entirely because I was goofing around one day, rather than buckling down to make it a committed ongoing project.
To OP, and 5745636:
Yes, and I regret that in hindsight. My only excuse is that - creatively - the fic caught me at a bad time. As recently as 2018, I was (behind-the-scenes) focusing more on Amethyst and Dinky, with no real thought to going the popular fan route and making Derpy the mother: at best, she became an unrelated friend of the family, marginal to the sisterly dynamic. Since about 2020, I've swung the other way and made her firmly maternal, integrating the three of them into a core trio.
What you see here is my awkward transition between the two mindsets. On the one hand, I was getting used to making Derpy a key part of the family dynamic, but on the other hand I was dithering over whether to cement it via blood ties. Hence the evasive halfway house I built.
Oh, and THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW I LOVED READING IT YOU DID A GOOD TODAY!
I am genuinely surprised. In my ignorance, I'd assumed the fic was a love letter to the technical details of the real-world "Space Race" history between America and the Soviet Union, rather than a whole-plot reference to a video game.
Just go to show assumption is the mother of all... muck-ups.
Pleased as punch you enjoyed Two Ponies.
It caught my eye after being hailed as a 'fandom classic' by multiple respectable Old Guard authors (most notably RBdash, PP, and CiG) despite its low view count. Read it, loved it, figured, 'why not add Paul to that list?' And now we have!
I think part of the view count has to do with the timing. This story was written during the Google Docs days, all the way back in June 2011 (a month after the season 1 finale!). During that time, it did seem to have a decent amount of attention on it, with a 6-star EqD feature and its own entry in the Pony Fiction Vault, but for whatever reason Snarkle didn't migrate it over to fimfic until 2013. Even given that, though, it is indeed criminally underviewed. Heck, the last comment after your recent review notification was from 2014! ...though maybe I should have changed that.
Ok, went and left a comment. Here's to you and I being the first attention in nine years.
I'm also just amazed with how well the story still holds up, despite its age. Most fic from that early on in the fandom tends to have some real difficulty being palatable in this day and age. Of course, it being a mostly-OC fic helps a lot with that, but Celestia and Luna both have significant roles in the third chapter, and with this being pre- even Luna Eclipsed, it's truly impressive that their depiction is still as delightful and on-point as it is.
What about them yaks? I distinctly remember a fic with a similar 'space race' setup that involved the yaks climbing the tallest mountains and then just trying to jump really hard into the atmosphere. And then eventually opting for shooting themselves out of giant party cannons, aided by Pinkie. I did manage to nab a copy of CSP at EFNW, so I suppose I'll be finding out soon enough :D
hey Mikey, he likes it! :D so glad you enjoyed Two Ponies, Snarkle needs more credit for his skills!
Thanks for the reviews, as usual!
Woah, thanks for the review!
I'm not sure why you couldn't use 's cover art - after all, I worked so hard on it. But apparently it doesn't show up correctly on some computers. Ah well.
Equal parts praise and criticism have been leveled against this story for the invisible text gimmick, and it's well deserved on all fronts. It can be impossible to read, or, as in your case, it can be trivially easy. The gimmick is so meta-textual that, at least in the first two chapters, it doesn't really interface with the story in a way that matters, though chapter 3 flips things and the interfacing there is perfect. And the story itself is pretty uneventful and lame, unless you love harebrained Pinkie plots. An impartial observer might suspect the author came up with the gimmick first, and then improvised a story to fit around it, and wrote the whole thing in two days.
That is, in fact, exactly what happened!
I've got better, slightly less shitposty stuff on the horizon, but I had a lot of fun with the invisible story - and who else can say they've written the most-disliked story of the year?
Thanks for the review! I can always appreciate good faith critique, I'll try to apply what you've said in my future writings.
(the rest of the comment will be unstructured self-indulgent rambling)
I'd like to add, you're partially correct in saying that the purpose of Shifting Sides was to garner interest in the setting, but the main reason I wrote it is that I wanted to see if I was any good at writing action stories. Given the positive response from readers, seems I am.
Another reason for writing it was (story spoilers) to demonstrate the callous, amoral hypocrisy of the Lunar Empire in this setting. For most of the story, they're ostensibly the good guys, fighting against the objectively awful King Sombra. The most direct experience the reader has with the Empire (if this is the only story they read) is the Lunar mage that Grim fights, a pony filled with righteous, vengeful fury. A reader might at first be tricked into thinking "oh, is Nightmare Moon actually the hero?" until the crucial final scene of Grim being offered a job by the Empire, showing that while one of the two warring factions might be better than the other, at the end of the day (night?) they're made of the same stuff. I thought of it as doubly playing with expectations, at first you expect the Lunar Empire to be villainous, then you see them doing something ostensibly heroic, and then you see it being villainous. The historical parallel to Operation Paperclip and Operation Osoaviakhim is very much intentional.
Something else I want to add, one of the comments on the story mentions how it presents a theme of gradual disempowerment. At first Grim is fighting unknown numbers of soldiers, then powerful mages, then a small squad of other soldiers, and at the end she's put in her place by a bureaucrat. Thing is, I didn't intend for this at all. It sort of just happened. If I was trying to puff myself up I'd call this "themes emerging organically" but realistically it's just a happy accident.
That said, I'm kind of surprised that out of all the stories on my page, this is the one that's garnered the most attention from reviewers and the like. Because, well, I agree with you. It's nothing amazing. It was a practice session that did better than I thought it would. It's not even my most viewed or liked story, or even really my favourite of my own stories.
Also, a whole paragraph just to explain what the setting is made me chuckle. Kind of reminds me just how weird my setting is. Wouldn't change it for the world, though.
Once again though, thanks for the review! I'd be interested to hear what you think of my other stories, but I expect your plate is pretty full haha.
CSP was so much fun.
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A pity, I really like the idea of "bux".
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Horror is always the best take.
I get what you mean about having to write things down quick. I have more than a few stories like that in my library.
Ack-tually, Kris uses the author's notes to point out lots of facts regarding the real-world space race and even references some of those events in-story, as well s pointing out significant differences between the story, the game, and real-life space flight. Since Kerbal Space Program itself doesn't have a story, it only made sense to model at least a little of CSP's plot to the one example of a space race we have.
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It does hold up well, doesn't it? I didn't realize it was even older than the publication dates say or I might have commented on it, although even for a 2013 release it's still significant. You know a story does a great job at cross-generational performance when you can't tell it's age as you're reading it.
The yaks do indeed have their own space program, as do the dragons. Really, almost every race big and small has one in-story, but Kris couldn't exactly try to follow all of them, so most only get a brief mention.
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Hey, no shame in that. I'm pretty sure I've got a story or two in my library that exists for a similar reason.
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The parallel to Operation Paperclip and Operation Osoaviakhim seemed pretty clear to me, and I figured it was a major inspiration of the story.
I didn't even notice this element, shame on me! But I will say I don't think any bureaucracy should be dismissed. After all, the primary purpose of any bureaucracy is to make things worse.
It's almost a shame how significant a difference good cover art can make. But the concept of it is also eye-catching. "The protag's a necromancer?" "War between NMM and Sombra?" "Possibly about a double agent?" I mean, there's really a lot in there to catch someone's attention.
Anyway, you're on my list now, so I'm sure I'll get to something of yours eventually. But bear in mind that I do take requests and/or recommendations.
Kill Phil sounded awfully familiar, so I was surprised to find that I hadn't actually read it. It was lot fluffier than what my brain had in mind.
After a while, I remembered what I'd read:
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
- Comedy
When it comes to disciplining pets, a bird who can resurrect herself needs... special measures.Estee's take on the concept is hilarious!
If you scroll down to my comment on that story, you'll see why your review gave me déjà vu.
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It's by Estee, so I expect it to be great by default. Definitely one I'll want to get to in the future.
Paul, you have cause and effect a bit backwards in your CSP review. For one thing, the story idea began as a ponification of a KSP playthrough. Until the last couple of chapters, the mission flight came first, then the writing.
Also, the footnotes thing is because someone showed me the trick between the next-to-last and last chapter. I used the new format for the last chapter, and then went back and implemented it for the first couple of chapters, and then my priorities went elsewhere.
My ORIGINAL footnotes method was to put them all at the end of the chapter, and people complained. I then split them up within the chapter, and people complained. And even when I implemented the last system, people complained about it, too. At least with the print edition I could do it properly (mostly).
And finally, as regards "all of a sudden, SCIENCE": Lauren Faust originally intended MLP:FiM to be about a century behind us in terms of technology (which is why there are phones in only a couple of episodes and why everyone in Ponyville listens to records on gramophones), but the writers found that too difficult to sustain perfectly. There are always little bits of modern tech peeking around the edges, and the fact it's not more commonly in use is unexplained, but implied to be because of cultural irrelevancy- that is, ponies don't drive cars because ponies, being accustomed to long walks/runs and to towing wagons themselves, don't see utility in cars. So, for CSP, I treated that as a ton of technological potential that only needed a push to explode out into the pony world.
Glad you enjoyed the story (even if the ending annoyed you- you weren't alone, but it was the most satisfying way I saw for it to go), and thanks for the generous review.
5745673 It's an interesting coincidence that Operation Paperclip is brought up in reference to another fic in a review list that also includes a story where an expy of Werner von Braun is a major supporting cast member...
5745650 The yaks are in CSP too, but they only really get screen time in one chapter about two-thirds of the way through the book.
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I've had numerous instances where I wanted to do this with assorted games. I never went through with it because I lacked confidence that I'd actually be able/willing to wait that long between play sessions for the writing bit. So yeah, all my respect for being able to do that.
What? You're going to tell me all that about the footnotes, but not how you pulled it off? Why must you tease me so?
5745722 You'll find the method as it was described to me, in the comments of chapter 16.
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ORLY? Shows what I get for ignoring the comments so much.
It's been awhile. but I believe my reasoning was that any challenge I didn't replace could be assumed to have happened more or less the way it did in the original and that there was no point wasting everyone's time retelling something they'd already seen. Also I believe I was racing a deadline at the time since I wanted to submit it to a contest.
Yes they're all older in this version and I figured that could be inferred from context. Not a lot older, but enough that Twilight has gone from attending magic school to being an independent scholar who decides her own research projects. That means that the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration happened a few years later (or everyone was born a few years earlier) than in the show.
CSP is one of those stories that's been sitting on my Read Later shelf for a while, if only because The Maretian has (technically) been on there even longer and I feel as though I'm obligated to go through CSP first. I've been hacking away at the shelf like a madman but maybe I should really slot in that one next after I finish the current rabbit hole of sequels kicked off by one of the more recent readings (curse you, Extended Cut).
I definitely had my eye on this batch of reviews for one story that ever looms on my horizon, yet I still haven't taken the time to read: CSP
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Yeah, that's mine. What's interesting is that I had my idea for a space race entirely independently of Kris and CSP, though I realize the first instance of my own publication of that is later the same year CSP started. (The google doc might go back a bit further? It doesn't really matter.) And at the same time I have also been heavily influenced by the Kerbals. I have never had the time nor much of the skill required to turn my ideas into longer stories, but from all that I have heard, I imagine a story quite similar in spirit to CSP would come of it.
But maybe I should read CSP first before I say that. It's already burning a hole in my RIL (I wager someone got the staging wrong and the boosters fired before the clamps released), though if that pipeline worked I would also have the time to write something longer than a 7k word contest entry.
I've also "rewritten" that story twice now; each time it grew almost an order of magnitude, so maybe if it happened again... That and the rest of my potential future fimfiction escapades hinge on how the next few months go for me in real life.
But with KSP2 rolling out in a spectacularly Kerbal-like fashion, there's bound to be inspiration freely available to draw upon.
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Just dropping a note here that because of Paul's recommendation, I read through Changeling Space Program and The Maretian and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thanks for the stories and the plug that got me to read them!
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