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Eight years ago Rainbow promised never to tell let anypony know she had a child, it was better for everyone that way. Even when that child moved to ponyville. Even when that child wanted to be her little sister. Everypony knows that chasing daylight always ends in heartbreak.
Thanks to ChudoJogurt for editing.
This was written off a prompt from someone who doesn't want to be associated with the story because of the opening scene. He gets exactly 6.9 percent of the credit.
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not sure if i'll read this, seeing as my new headcanon is that mare holding scootaloo in A Hearth's Warming Tail was scoots mom, but i might try some time in the future
Let this be a lesson to you Ms. Rainbow Selfish. If you're not prepared to look after a foal...don't have one.
It's a fine short story that keeps its focus on the feelings Rainbow has as she struggles with the emotional relationship between her and her biological daughter from her birth to her secession. I might consider adding this to one of my bookshelves later. If only I knew which.
Of course Rainbow's not a lesbian; she's a bisexual.
On a more serious note, that last paragraph did remind me of the two times we've ever spoke. I didn't come off as a bossy, rude person, did I?
Well, that was both depressing and well written.
I kind of hope there's eventually going to be either a sequel where Scoots and RD truly make up or an alternate ending where Scoots accepts RD's apology.
Not because the ending here was bad. Far from it.
There are many ways that Scootaloo would react to finding out RD was her mother, and this is just one of them.
It's more that I prefer happy endings in general, so stuff like this hurts even more...
It almost makes me feel like this should have the Tragedy tag on it as well, but that might be going a bit too far.
The only part I have any issue with at all is the beginning scene.
At first glance it seems like its almost a "Big Lipped Aligator moment", seeing as it has almost nothing to do with the rest of the story.
But, like the rest of the story, it was well written and actually kind of cute (though I personally think RD is more into stallions, but that's just because I prefer shipping RD with Soarin more than with any other pony). And, as you said in the author's note, it IS a good introduction to her character.
7256137 Since I can't recall the specifics of that conversation I'll say no. To be clear my pet peeve is bossing people around sans authority. If you asked me for advice or an opinion on something of yours and then said "Well I think you're wrong", that's cool it was your story.
7256107 I must have missed that. I thought Scootaloo was with Sweetie's Family in the closing shot.
Loved it... but I do honestly believe they deserve a reconciliation, even if some years down the road. This seems just like the kind of shock that makes people change, and Dash does seem like the type that doesn't run from her problems - once she's loyalty and had that bite her in the plot, that is. And time does heal wounds, so Scoots might be willing, if Dash tries hard enough...
All in all, I like your execution, it is indeed a closed story, but a epilogue/sequel with they getting closer again, maybe even more close than before would make my day
Spoilers for not spoiling anyone
7256149 Thanks for not spoiling anything. A sequel is certainly in the realm of possibility.
7256120 To be fair, she probably didn't intend to have one.
Which, given RD's personality, makes sense.
Good story, an interesting take on the concept really, I enjoyed it at least.
This story reminds me of Bio-Mom, where Daring Do is Rainbow's mom, and never intended to tell her about that fact, either.
That one had a bit of a happier ending than this one, though.
7256148 it happens in the first song. it's really quick, but as big mac is moving across the screen in the castle, you see scootaloo being held up by another pegasus mare with a bow in her hair
*slams door* Zecora, what have i told you about using my computer!
Well, that was interesting. I didn't even really look at the category tags so I was mildly surprised by that ending. Well, it's not like every story needs a happy ending, especially when it feels forced, and this is a little bit of a pushback against that.
I'm surprised that none of Rainbow Dash's reasons for giving up Scootaloo included her being a teenage mom (at least, that's an assumption, since that's what it felt like to me).
Regarding your author note: probably like a decade or so ago an infamous writer on FFN, Perfect Lionheart, sketched out a challenge idea for Naruto fanfics that was bizarre in how exacting he demanded things to be (actually, looking at his author page, it's still there, so you can see what I mean). Lots of people wrote fics answering his challenge though I don't think any completed them, but the only good ones were the ones that took merely the broad direction of his idea and nixed the in-depth points.
Would love to have a sequel where we see how rainbow ends up dealing with this
Good story, have a thumbs up.
7257165 Yes do it.
Miss Rainbow Dash is super impulsive. Princess Twilight Sparkle evidently must be getting through to her.
7256107 What mare? You have to remember, most of the episode was a story. None of it should be considered canon. (And yes, Scootaloo's parents weren't at the Hearth's warming party. I should know, I searched for them.)
7260560 In the first song, when all the ponies are singing about hearthswarming, so not the story, there is a mare holding up a pony who may or may not be Scootaloo. They look the same, but we can't see the cutie mark. I suspect that it was just the animators using a character model because she only appears for half a second and even if it is Scoots we have no way of knowing that's her mother...but it's as close as we've come to seeing somepony who might be one of Scoot's parents.
7260594 Nice spotted. (No wonder I didn't notice.)
7260621 Autum Breeze pointed it out, I had to double check
7256107 The thought occurred to me that this story fits your headcanon, Scootaloo is not an orphan in this.
So, Scootaloo was lying about not being angry that she got orphaned? Seems Dash was right to keep it a secret, if this was Scootaloo's reaction. I mean jeez, how long ago was it she got rejected? 12 years? And all that sisterly bonding counted for nothing?
7453273 good news a sequel is in the works.
There's OOC and then there is character assassination. This is character assassination of the highest order.
7583590 and what, pray tell, would a lower order of character assassination look like.
7583964 Abandoning Scootaloo but changing her mind and taking back.
7584049 So Scootaloo arrives in Ponyville, with parents (she's not an orphan in this) and Rainbow says "You live with me now"?
Or did you mean I should have gone the Scootaorphan route?
I stand by my portrayal of RD, albeit emphasizing her selfish nature. She was happy, Scootaloo was happy...why rock that boat?
7584518 No I mean she still decides to give her up, but before she signs the papers she has second thoughts and keeps her as a baby.
7584518 Or she could have checked yes as soon as she got the first letter and had a truthful relationship with her daughter.
7584560 You see how either of those is a less interesting story right?
I'm venturing a guess that you are just upset that Rainbow and Scoots don't end a family in this one.
7584566
1. Those examples I gave are more slice of life and I like slice of life (then again I also like Warhammer 40k crossovers)
2. If Scootaloo wanted be with Rainbow that's fine if she didn't that's fine
3. I had only pointed out that how you wrote Rainbow in my opinion was character assassination
but in the end it is your story so write what you want.
I've seen a few fics with Fluttershy as Scootaloo's mother. IMO, that makes more sense because she was also a bad flyer, at least as a filly.
7862626 You're assuming that flight is 100 percent genetically passed down from mother to child then, which seems unreasonable. Maybe Scootaloo's dad was a bad flyer, maybe it's a medical condition, maybe it's possible for both parents to be wonderbolts and have a child who's a bad flyer because magic...
Given what we know of cannon none of the mane six are Scootaloo's mother, fics exploring the idea are still fun.
I kinda wish that this had a happier ending- it seemed perfectly set up to be as such- but hey, it's not my fic to write.
8096324 It does have a sequel
8096449 Found it, commented on that one too.
In all honesty, both combined were pretty good.
You can has review!