Phoenix, a college drop out with no motivation or drive beyond trying not live on the streets, is set to ship off for the military till a chance encounter changes his fate. When he is offered a way to turn around his life, by going to Equestria of all things, he agrees believing it to be a nothing more than a joke. Upon opening his eyes he soon realizes that he truly is in Equestria but as a filly. Placed into a life he didn't want, hes forced to confront his own flaws learning what he never could on Earth.
As I opened my eyes, time sped to a racing halt, colors dulled to blinding and vibrant hues, smells faded to a prominent fragrances as my head spun in circles. At least I think they did, it was a bit hard to tell between all the stars dancing around my head. As I blinked to clear away the aberrations my body instinctively gasped for breath. Apparently I'd forgotten to breathe amongst my daze as my lungs were burning like a raging wildfire. But that pain was made second as sensations returned to my body. The ache of my body and the growling of my stomach easily overtook my lungs pains for oxygen.
I thought I had known pain when I played football and got placed as the team's De facto hitting dummy. But that was just plain bruises compared to this. This was genuine, physical pain. As I looked to see what caused my body such anguish I noticed it wasn't my body. Well it was, but not the one I had a few moments ago. This one was much smaller, covered in a pure white coat of fur, ignoring the brown muck and green underbrush sticking to it. Which was complimented by a, just as dirty, crimson mane and tail. Oh no, I know where this is going, I thought in panic. Quickly I turned my gaze to my rear; hoping not to confirm my suspicion. However I was greeted with a large feathery appendage blocking my view. Wings, well guess that confirms the pony idea, I griped. After a moment of fawning over the wings, trying to figure out how to manipulate them; I looked to my "flank". Blank.
A foal, wonderful, my drugged mind thinks its a child. A foal no less. Guess there were worse things, could not have woken up at all; my body shuddered at that thought. But, speaking of waking up, I still didn't know where, or when I had woken up. For all I knew, that crazy man who had offered up “Equestria” simply drugged me and I was still in a fever dream. Though the pain suggested these were more likely hallucinations instead.
With that my gaze shifted off my body and to the area around me, hoping the bending of reality wasn't as bad as my body's. Thankfully it seemed normal enough, albeit a bit more vivid probably due to the drugs in my system. But having said that, it was a masterpiece. Regardless if it was drugs or just genuinely happened to be that breathtaking I was taken back. The night sky was a masterfully woven tapestry of navy blues and deep purples that harmoniously blended together. The elegant stars and heavenly bodies broke up their vibrant backdrops. Then peeking out just over the olive green, oak, trees rested a impossibly large moon. Its scope must have encapsulated at least a tenth of the visible sky. Was it not for the fact that the moon’s size had to be amplified by my drugged mind, I probably would have panicked; thinking that the world was coming to an end. But that realization allowed a sense of peaceful tranquility. Which allowed me to have an odd sort of appreciation for the massive celestial body; its companionship was strangely comforting. However as I took time to take in the scenery I noticed these couldn't have been earth’s skies. No they were of different planets, scratch that, a different universe! Nothing came even remotely close to where it was supposed to be on Earth. In truth, I guess this meant that crazy man was kinda telling the truth. I was ‘in Equestria’, one created by my drug induced haze, but a form of Equestria nevertheless. That is if my pony body and surreal imagery was anything to go off of.
As my eyes traveled down from the sky and to the forest entrapping me. The moon illuminated the area in front of me; revealing a thicket of interweaving trees dotted between omnipresent underbrush of bushes, thorns, shrubs and flowers. While the scene was beautiful in its own way it was unfortunately blocking most, if not all, of my paths. On top of that I was hungry and in pain with probably a dozen creatures lurking about. The realization forced out a sigh of disapproval as I shook my head in frustration with this whole ordeal. Lost in the woods and drugged out of my mind to the point my mind thought it was actually in a fictional show. What a bad joke, and I'm its punchline!
But no point in dwelling about it, I figured. After weighing my options, I decided it was better I pushed on rather than sit and wait for some animal to finish me off. With that I tried to get up, emphasis on tried. As trying to walk on two imaginary hooves was no easy feat. On second thought, I'm not even sure it's possible at all. As I spent nearly an hour trying to stand up and walk, but my legs simply kept failing on me. Constantly faltering like I was on ice before collapsing in on themselves; sending my "flank" crashing back down into the cold, thick, mud below. Maybe it was the pain, or the hunger or the fact I was dazed from my faltering. But after my thousandth attempt I decided to try a different approach. I rose up, but onto all four ‘hooves’ this time and attempted to walk. Which was oddly natural and easy to manage. At least more so than my two hind ones. While it was annoying that I was feeding into this pony fantasy, it was better than laying around.
As my mind was finally freed up, from my walking situation, it began to wander and that's when I noticed it. The true extent of the pain and hunger; every moment was a battle that I wanted to give up, every step a war I couldn't win. By my fortieth or so step I finally fell back over via tripping over my own "forehoof", with all the grace of an ice skater missing two ice skates. I came crashing down face first; getting a nice big mouth full of dirt while I was at it too. While I was starving I was not about to eat raw bug infested dirt. So Instead I let out a soft whine and spat it out; left with a gritty feeling and taste in my mouth that didn’t seem to go away no matter what I did.
After heaving out another glob of dirt I glanced back to where I'd come from only to see the severity of my situation. I was only a couple of yards from where I started. Quickly, I became far too aware of the fact that: I not only looked like a child but felt like a child again; both weak and helpless. It was an aggravating realization. Worse yet my situation started to fill my body with panic as dread and isolation set in. All emotions I despised with an unrivaled hatred, which only served to leave me feeling more upset and powerless to stop them. Within moments I was reduced to little more than a sniffling mess; wallowing in the filth of the forest and self pity.
Pathetic was the only word that ran through my head; inevitably adding to the positive feedback loop of negative emotions. Normally I could suppress these emotional pains yet in the heat of the moment I was powerless. Though I was unsure if it was the exhaustion or the drugs, both, or simply my own weakness, though it may very well have been all three. But regardless of the reason I couldn't fight them. Every pitiful attempt to control or quell them only made my cheeks burn more with self loathing. As tears began to fill up my eyes, my vision was lost to a watery blur; which I couldn’t even clear as the muck across my arm only made it worse. My head simply slumped over in defeat as my tears dripped onto the ground below. I laid there for what felt like an eternity; too upset to even think clearly. I had no chance of making it out, echoed through my head like a church choir.
It wasn't until the sky began to glow with the renewing and welcoming light of the coming day that I could will myself to lift my head to the heavens above once more. The sun picking itself back up was oddly poetic in my head. The sun’s warmth filled my body with a new found resolve. Enough that I managed to, at least temporarily, ignore my pains. I COULD get back up. I just had to try again and probably again and focus on solely that. If I didn't sharpen my mind to my sole objective, I'd likely just fall back down in pain and I don't think I could fight that again. To falter meant to die; I wasn't ready to die yet, so with what energy I had, I focused solely on my survival. Just because I looked and felt like a child, albeit a pony one, didn't mean I had to act like it, I reminded myself. It would be one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I had to do it. So I took a inhale of air and stood up. Even though my rise was slow and shaky, I'd like to think my ascension was like a Herculean effort.
Right hoof, now left, then back, and now back right, I commanded my limbs. To my surprise despite my exhaustion it worked! It was slow, sure, but it worked! it really worked! I was practically swept up with excitement at my progress. Well until a small camouflage twig tripped me up; reminding me of my place. I let out a controlled exhale of air, and closed my eyes to focus. I can't falter, I reminded myself, I am going to do this! I slowly focused my mind slowly on forcing my ‘hooves’ back under me, and one by one they stood tall once more. This time I got it, just take it slow, one step at a time and think through every step. With that, I willed my exhausted and malnourished body to my move and try again. Every attempt was better than the last, every falter was shorter than the last, and every step further than the one before. Progress! I practically jumped in joy only stopping myself on account that I’d probably just eat it again.
As I forced my way through the thicket of unruly plant life I could hear the faint, but distinct shrill of people. Actual people! The realization caused me to quickened my pace towards it. Inadvertently my quicker pace caused a dozen thorns to hook their way into my flesh and tear at it. I winced out in pain, as reality tried to worm its way back into my mind. But the pull of success was too close for me to give up yet. So I took every cut and new gash in stride; biting my lip till it bled if only to stop my self from crying out in pain. But my resilience proved fruitful as I made out a clearing ahead I knew I'd look like some crazed, filthy, bloody, lunatic, naked and galloping on all fours, but it was better than dying in the God forsaken woods from starvation or worse.
As I broke into the clearing and onto a road I stopped in my tracks. What I saw threw me in a loop. It was one of the most horrifying sights I'd ever seen. The terror struck at the very core of my mind; making my body freeze in terror as I stared at the town’s square. Ponies?! It was all just my loopy and starving mind playing tricks on me, it had to. I would have cursed in frustration if not for the fact my brain simply stalled out trying to process the horrifying situation that I found myself in. Could they actually be real? Please this can't just be a hallucination, not now! However my thoughts would be cut short as a loud and shrill voice panicked behind me.
“Watch out kid,” The voice cried desperately. But before I could even try and turn my head I was down for the count. This is it, it's over. I should have been more careful, I scowled. I was dying in some bizarre fever dream as some creature attacked me from behind. But my anger was quickly cast away as my pain was removed; replaced by the comfort of a soothing numbness. The world soon followed; becoming engulfed by the infinite nothingness. Unconscious began to pull my weak and weary mind into its embrace. My last thoughts were that of the memory that led to this all. Where it all went wrong.
Chapter 2: I wish to emigrate to Equestria, please.
My fading consciousness in a defiant attempt to stay together did what it could to keep me thinking, to keep me alive. It recalled what memories it could, but the only one that it could seem to maintain for longer than a brief moment was what had led me to this moment. I felt like a prisoner in my own body as I was thrust back in time; forced to sit and revisit my mistake.
It was a warm June night on the edge of my dull town. A few bugs nipped me, buzzing about as the humidity of the air caused sweat to roll down the back of my neck. A relatively ordinary night all things considered: go to town, get dinner and then go home; only I'd never make it past step one. Nothing that day was strange or abnormal, and certainly nothing that would have suggested I end up alone in a forest only to be stuck dying in a street. Then again, I guess a lot of people die on what otherwise would constitute ordinary days. What a morbid thought, but I'm getting side tracked. I stood against the door to a local sandwich shop but, as I opened the door, an older gentleman approached. I quickly turned back around to open the door for him. He gave me a thankful nod in return and stuck up a bland conversation. Over what I can't recall, but we talked for maybe a minute before the real question was finally asked.
“What troubles me?” I parroted the man's bizarre question; It caught me off guard. Here was a complete stranger and he asked for my problems. I must have had quite the bewildered look as the elderly man in front of me gave a short but controlled laugh. His left hand reached out and fixed his black tie as he cleared his throat. All while his right hand continued to clutch a dusty but important looking jet black briefcase. Upon its hinge rested an odd blue emblem with two figures on it. But before I could investigate further my eyes met his again as he spoke up.
“Yes young man,” The gentleman’s voice carried with it a thick but undefinable southern accent,” So don't make me ask again.” He warned as a soft grin cracked against his aged, wrinkle and chestnut tinted cheeks. To which I simply shook my head in disbelief. When he first asked I thought he was simply being polite but, as his question took on a more serious tone I got the feeling he was looking for something, more. Not malicious but just, something. His gaze seemed to stare through me, as if he was searching my very soul for the answer to his true inquiry. My silence must have upset the man since he began to lightly tap the briefcase in an impatient manner as if to tell me to hurry up.
“Why do you care?” Is all I could muster out; netting me another soft chuckle.
“I can see it in your eyes boy. They're tired far beyond their years, and these aren't the kinds of things I'm wrong about either. So just speak plainly and I promise to help,“ He informed me; now casually leaning against the door frame opposite of me. While I had reservations about opening up to strangers, people in general for that matter, something about his offer seemed genuine; so much so it was hard to resist. I nearly spoke up before trying to think through what I was doing, so I bid my time hoping someone would show up to disrupt our conversation while I figured out how to proceed. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem anyone was interested in getting a sandwich at this time of night. The parking lot was dead empty, aside from the "employee parking only" section and a few wild plastic bags that blew about in the warm breeze.
I let out a sigh of disapproval as I looked back to meet the man’s gaze. He bobbed his head softly; motioning me to go on. It took most of my will power not to squirm at the thought of divulging such personal information. I should have left there, I owed nothing to the man, but instead my mind tried to find a way to procrastinate on answering instead. As if doing so would make the man lose interest and just leave but the determination glistening just behind his worn, chocolate brown, eyes made it clear he wouldn't budge on the issue.
“I don't even have your name and you're asking me something like that,” I countered defensively; raising my voice in an attempt to try and garner the inside employees' attention. Lamentably, the cashier was too preoccupied with his phone to have noticed my growing distress with the conversation. Before I could make any further attempts however, the old man stepped in front of me once more; cutting off my view inside.
“Some call me: ’a genie’, ‘a magician’, an ‘interloper’, others have simply coined me ‘that man’, but personally, I consider myself more of a…” He paused momentarily to roll his left hand in the air for dramatic effect. It was a long few painful moments of silence as the man seemed to search for the right word. But finally his hand gradually lowered back down to his tie; gripping it once more in hand as he answered.
”Benefactor, The Benefactor if you will.” He said as if that were some kind of reasonable response. Benefactor? He must truly be mad, I thought to myself. Seeing as he believed some vague and creepy reply like that would get me to answer all his questions. Though insanity would explain his seemingly genuine desire to help me. Assuming it was due to his warped version of reality, it make sense why he seems to carry the confidence and the sincerity to approach me in the way he had, I reasoned.
“That's a title not a name,” I argued; my finger instinctively pointed at him as if I could somehow point out his nonsense in the literal sense. I wanted to try and end our little conversation there, but something about his voice was hypnotic. His southern drawl carried with it the kind of charisma you'd hear from one of those old, late night, radio, talk programs. It was kind of scary that a voice could hold such power.
“That may be so, but names in truth often lack meaning. As they are assigned by your parents at birth, before they could have any kind of idea of who you are. I'd argue a title tells you far more about a person, wouldn't you Mr. Phoenix?” He mused back with a subdued chuckle. I almost continued to rip into his reasoning until my jaw dropped in realization. He knew my name. He actually knew my name! My eyes widened as fear gripped my heart. How could a stranger know my name?!, I panicked. I looked over my body for any explanation, like a name tag or something but before I could speak, he spoke again; waving his hand dismissively in the air to dismiss my worry.
“Relax, son. I mean you no harm, I'm simply just a good reader of people. Just like I read your eyes I read your name.” He explained, well tried to explain. Like that is some kind of valid explanation, I irritably thought, reading people's emotional state was one thing, I'll give him that, but "reading names" is hogwash...
Great, I began to think to myself, he's a stalker who is probably trying to kidnap, drug me, both or something far worse. I shook my head as I gained control of my body once more. It was a liberating feeling as I began to try backing out towards my car. As good as a sandwich was, it was not worth whatever this man was planning. Regrettably this freedom would be stopped once more as his smooth voice froze me once more in my tracks. I hated myself for listening and yet it's all I could bring myself to do again.
“Unfortunately we don't have all day to mess around. Our time is running short.” His voice finally losing its friendly, warm, demeanor; dropping to something more distressed, gravely so. The change in tone sent chills up my spine like waves of spiders creeping their way up. It sounded as if I were in some kind of danger for rejecting the offer. The fear instilled by his tone was worse than that instilled by what he might do if I did give an answer to his original question. So I stood and prepared to give my answer and yet I had the suspicion this man already knew my past well enough. Even if he wasn't the stalker I thought he was, the way he hinted at things when he talked, implied he carried a much deeper wealth of information than he let on. Thus making his questioning all the more enigmatic and my worry for what he could know worse.
“If I tell you will you just leave me alone,” I asked, receiving no immediate answer. So despite his silence I answered.
“I was in a college drop out; I hated it there. I just couldn't find a reason to care enough to try and keep up my floundering grades. On top of that all they did was kill one hobby after another with their dumb testing and incoherent lectures. I use to actually enjoy English until I had to write an essay on ‘Paradise lost’. On top of that most of my teachers couldn't remember my name for more than a few hours before forgetting I was more than just a stack of paperwork. So with college a bust I dumbly enlisted into the USAF thinking it would provide me with…. Something! Or at least a way to pay off my loans, but I'm quickly coming to realize this was a mistake and with nowhere else to go….” I trailed off once more as the thought conjured up a host of emotions I just didn't want to deal with. So I took several moments to suppress them back down before I moved past that thought.
“Though with B.M.T in two weeks, I guess it really doesn't matter, oh well.” As I finished I let out an exhale of air I didn't know I'd been holding. Despite him being a stranger, it felt good to say it out loud, good to get it off my chest in general. Feeling good didn’t matter though, as it didn’t change reality. I’d go into the military only to likely suffer from a lack of motivation again. This reality was simply a matter of inevitability at this point with no escape. Believing we were done I started to move on but, before I could, The Man stopped me.
“Well I promised to give you something to help, did I not?” The man reminded me; taking a knee to click open his briefcase as he rummaged through it. I tried to peek in, but his black suit obscured my vision. However I did get a better view of the emblem. It was familiar but I couldn't place my finger on it as it was too small to make out, but the image was of two creatures. One white and the other a darker blue than the background. Around them were dozens of stars as the two circled a moon and sun.
As I started to recall the odd insignia the man looked up at me expectantly to answer his question. I thought it rhetorical at first but as the silence continued, I realized it was a guessing game. So I let out a groan of frustration and gripped the bridge of my nose.
“Yes you did. So, is it a sustainable job that won't smother me or require a college degree?” I sarcastically retorted, mostly to myself. Even with the best intentions I knew full well he had nothing to offer me at that point. Though admittedly, I was intrigued to at least hear his crazy snake oil pitch. He let out another chuckle at my answer as he closed his briefcase; having pulled out a small sky blue document and a golden pen. Whatever was written on it I couldn't make it out yet. The general structure reminded me of a legal document but it was far too small to be that; it was about the size of a lost pet flyer at most. As I eyed the document he slowly got back to his feet and whipped the dust off his otherwise pristine, onyx tinted slacks. His eyes glanced over the paper one final time before he finally made his offer. An offer I hadn't expected, an offer I couldn't have expected.
"It's something that will permanently fix your issues, but it won't be easy. If, you choose to accept that is. This is nothing illegal, I assure you, but as I said It is something that will take work and a lot of it. I do promise it will work however Mr. Phoenix, provided that you try.” He assured me as he pitched his snake oil. While his vagueness left me uneasy he wasn't done.
“A one way ticket to your favorite show, a land that will give you the drive you're looking for, Equestria! All you must do is accept and try upon arrival. Now your starting location won't be ideal and I apologize but it's a new life nonetheless.” My heart stopped, though I'm unsure if it was because he knew I watched the show or because of the absurdity. I wanted to say something, anything really, but instead the craziness of his proposition forced a laugh out of me. I nearly fell on my back in a fit of tears. It was just so random and out of the blue, that my mind wasn't sure how to react. My hands gripped my gut as the laughter shifted to pain, but even that wasn't enough to stop my mad fit. It wasn't until I was forced to wheezing at the novelty of my situation that my laughing finally died off.
As I recovered I realized he was dead serious. He was handing over the small paper and golden pen. To which my eyes glanced over the paper’s words. At the top rested the big, bold, golden, elegant words “Equestria Exchange Project.” The title was followed by a thick block of text and a small line for my signature. Now admittedly, I didn’t read that paper in depth; mostly on account that I thought it to be entirely nonsense written by a mad man.
I do remember that the paper itself started with something along the lines of a resort pitch. Like Equestria was some sort of resort that helped destress and fix issues. "A life changing experience," It mentioned about halfway through. An odd word choice but I chalked it up to the man being unstable and moved on. The rest of the document was an explanation of how the process worked. It may as well have been Greek to me as it appeared to be a childish conception of magic that would have fallen right in line with the show. A "spirit exchange" here and a "magical bond" there.
“Well? Mr. Phoenix, do you accept?” He asked as the gentle and friendly smile returned to his face. It didn’t seem like he was smiling just for show either. But was actually pleased with my reaction. Like he was just happy to see me happy. That idea combined with realization he couldn't actually do anything and was just crazy put a lot of my worries at ease about this man. It took a few minutes to process the question this mad man, this "Benefactor" asked. Well since he truly believed in his madness I could understand his title he chose, even if a bit pretentious.
“What do I have to do?” I asked as I slowly rose back up; recovering from my laughter.
“All you must do is give me confirmation via signature then blink. Then when you open them you'll be there, I promise,” The Benefactor assured me once more. So for offering me a much needed laugh and seeing as how a blink couldn't do much, I humored him with my terrible, terrible mistake.
“I wish to emigrate to Equestria, please.” I replied cheekily as I signed the dotted line. Then as I blinked I heard his last words before waking in my fever dream.
“Good luck.” Was all he said before I was engulfed in blackness that would make the void of space blush. There was a brief feeling of numbness, followed by nothing; then I opened my eyes to that druggy haze.
“Dear, I need you to wake up.” A voice requested with all the gentleness of an angel. As I opened my eyes, I was greeted by a bright light beaming down in my right eye. I blinked several times before the wretched light was taken away from my face; revealing a pink coated mare with a sun bleached yellow mane and tail. The combination of colors was less than appealing; forcing a cringe of disapproval. Fortunately, the mare didn't seem to notice my discomfort, or at least didn't show it, as she just gave a sigh of relief instead.
When the novelty of my situation wore off, my mind quickly snapped back to its last thought before the black out. The first thought was my realization this dream isn't over, the second was focused on the pain in the back of my head. The first one should have been my primary concern but the second took precedence. Whatever stuck me did a number, as even the fluffy pillow below me irritated my aching head. I tried to get up and move my head hoping it would somehow alleviate my pain. The pony over me stopped me however, and rested my head back down. I let out a groan of discomfort to which the mare stepped aside to grab something.
As she moved I became aware of my surroundings and what a surrounding it was. I was in a small confined bed with soft, thick, woolly, spring green, sheets tucked up to my chin. The bed was surprisingly comfortable and well kept despite the fact I seemed to have been actively sleeping in it. As for the room, it was made of blank, light, grey textiles flooring and purple plaster walls decorated with silhouettes of foals playing painted on top. A few dangling plastic stars and clouds hung from the ceiling reflecting the sunlight, coming in through a window on my right, around the room. It was like a dozen disco balls lit the room, and truthfully it was more than a bit mesmerizing to watch.
As the lights lost my interest, my eyes moved to look down to my body. To my horror I was still a filly, white coat, red mane and all, which shouldn't have been that surprising given the circumstances. It was cleaner this time around at least; making the coat a more cloud like white and the mane a deeper and richer red. The caveat to this was half a dozen cuts and stitches across my body. While the fur did a good job of covering most of it, I still looked like some Frankenstein reject. Oh God, this can't be real, can it? I wondered to myself as every experience was another nail in the coffin to the idea this wasn't all just a bad drug trip. I really must be here, so the only question that remains is: am I in hell, purgatory or heaven? Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer either, as none of them seemed to be ideal since they all implied the crazy man likely off’ed me. Unless, I reasoned, He was telling the truth. Which, to be frank, It wasn't any better of a possibility.
My contemplation of my current circumstances was interrupted by the mare before they could go any further. She was back in front of me, nudging me with a glass of water. That's when I recalled the parchment of my dry throat. My frustration was quickly replaced with relief at the sight of the refreshing liquid. I needed that drink if only to alleviate the pain in my throat, but as I reached for it, I stopped; coming to a horrible realization.
I didn't know how to grip things with my new appendages! There were no fingers, only flat stubs on the end of the fat sausages. My expression went from relief to dread in a second. It's just one problem after another, I panicked. I nervously scratched my head as I paused to think about my conundrum. To which the mare gave me a concerned look at my delay. Couldn't say I blamed her, my rapidly changing emotions was probably a sight to behold and it wasn’t like I could voice my issues, on account of my throat aching from breathing alone.
Great she thinks you're an idiot, you dolt! My cheeks became hot with embarrassment at this realization. I could have motioned for help sure, but I still had too much self respect for that. So my mind raced for a solution only to find one. In a swift act of genius, I took it and pressed it tightly between my hooves. Not enough to crush the cup, but enough to hold it in place. It wasn't the most elegant solution, as it gave me poor control and caused the cup to shake like a leaf in the fall, but it would work until I figured out how to actually grab things. With that I greedily drank down the water; relief immediately flooded my throat and body as a whole. Within a moment my throat's dryness was at least partially palleted allowing me to let out a sigh of relief without notable pain. After I finished the cup the mare looked at me and finally spoke up again.
“Can you tell me what you were doing in the Everfree forest dear?” The mare's voice was slow and soft. I guess it was her way of comforting me though being, at least formally, a twenty year old guy the voice came off as patronizing rather than comforting. It took a good portion of my will power not to scowl in annoyance for that reason. While I could understand the mare’s belief that I was a filly I preferred to avoid such a conversation in the future; so I decided to just be truthful with her. After all ponies had magic, I'm sure body swapping was at least something they were familiar with. Needless to say it was a mistake, the first of many I’d probably be coming to make in Equestria.
“Fantastic, you think I'm a crazy idiot.” I groaned as I crashed my hooves into my face in frustration. She didn't say it with words, but I could see the panic and worry in her eyes as I finished my story. How on God’s green Earth is that not reasonable? I wanted to explode, not necessarily at the poor mare, but in general. This whole experience was hell. Sure in my last life things weren't ideal, but I wasn't some seemingly deranged, Frankenstein looking, little girl! My hooves flew off my face and into the air before coming back down to run through my mane. The pain in the back of my head started to spike up again too but I didn't care at this point. I just wanted to vent out my anger in whatever way I could.
"I think no such thing dear.” She lied in a soft tone; all while her face stayed frozen in a concerned position. She opened her mouth to add something but stopped herself. I scowled a bit and shook my head at the obvious lie. While it may have worked on a foal, I was no foal, at least in mind, or at least I hope so.
“It's because I'm a filly and someone hit me in the back of the head isn't it?” I huffed as I crossed my hooves in frustration. Admittedly my reaction probably only fed into the idea I was just a foal and not an adult human, but I was too angry to care. I would have continued my little tirade too if not for the nurse beating me to the punch and the pain in the back of my skull spiking to a point I couldn't handle. So, I reluctantly forced myself to cool down as she spoke or till the pain died away whichever came first.
“Somepony,” she corrected like some sort of school teacher, “and it was a skycarriage, not a pony that hit you. Well at least not a pony that directly hit you.” It took me a few minutes to process the words she spoke as the whole thing through me in a loop. Right, magical pony land, magical pony vocabulary and concepts, I reminded myself. This whole experience was one headache after another, with seemingly no break between.
“Of course, the infamous pony language grammatical system. Here I was thinking I was done with the study of languages after college. Foolish me, I should have foreseen this and studied up on my Ponish. So forgive my poor grammatical skills.” I sarcastically replied in a bitter tone. The mare nervously shifted side to side clearly unsure how to respond. After watching the mare squirm around uncomfortably I lowered my head as my frustration started to subside.
“Sorry, you didn’t deserve that. I’m just angry with all this is all.” I added in the softest tone I could.
“If it makes you feel better sweetie, I think your Ponish is far above most ponies your age.” She replied with a smile still dripping with worry that anything she might say would set me off. Which admittedly, her ‘sweetie’ comment did cause some of my annoyance to return but I didn’t mention it.
“You are a big uhh..stallion?” she added with a nervous smile, which only fueled my urge to scream again. My frustration must have been more apparent with the second comment than the first, as the mare's discomfort only grew.
"Listen I'm not, er wasn't, a stallion or even pony for that matter. I'm not from Equestria either. I was what is known as a human. A male, your equivalent to a stallion." I foolishly explained again. I don't know why I thought trying to explain this concept to the mare, who was clearly out of her depth, was a good idea. She clearly didn't understand the first time and insisting on it just made her panic more.
Okay, this isn't working. New plan, I need to see a pony more knowledgeable in magic. With any luck they'll at least be open to the premise of my problem and be able to help. Or at least understand I'm not a crazy filly. I reasoned. It was a game plan for sure, but the only problem was how do I get to that point? Who do I even speak to? God knows if this world is anything actually like the show, and if it is what are the actual odds I get to see a pony like Sun Burst, Starswirl or Twilight? Especially if Twilight is already princess...so that's a no. If Sun Burst is an advisor to the crystal empire or a teacher and I really don't like the idea of dealing with Starswirl… There was Starlight, but something tells me shed be too busy for a non student... None of this takes into account how I, as a filly, even get to said places either, great.
The more I tried to work out my plan the more I wanted to pound my hooves into something. I wasn't exactly one for venting my emotions, which wasn't helped by the fact that in this scenario they think my emotions are irrational, so smashing my hooves into something didn't seemed like a good idea. So I laid back with a frustrated huff of air to cool off.
As I lay there the mare eyed me for a few moments before telling me she'd be back. With that she scurried out the room like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. I let out a sigh of relief, as I'm not sure how much more of that baby talk I could take before blowing up again. As time passed my frustration began to subside and my mind became clear once more. So I went back to thinking.
Your Mind is the only tool you have right now. So use it! I reminded myself. Okay, so there has to be more magically inclined ponies in Equestria. Now I just need to find them. I’m stuck in a hospital anyway, so I have plenty of time to work on it. With any luck, one of the doctors might even be a magically inclined unicorn themselves. It was a vague plan, but it was a step in the right direction and that's all I needed right now.
Nurse Pink Heart stepped out into the hallway, rubbing her hoof through her yellow mane as soon as she was out of sight of the young filly. She let out a haggard sigh and slowly lowered her hoof back to the ground. A shaky, nervous breath trembled out her lips as she began to finally collect her thoughts. Pink Heart had expected a number of things from the small pegasus, that story was not one of them however. In truth she had no idea how to react and her pitiful attempts clearly just left the filly agitated. So she thought it best to leave, recuperate and inform Doctor Bright Spark of the filly's current condition as well.
She thought for a moment to forward a letter of request for a second evaluation for head trauma. While the initial investigation stated the sky carriage incident had left her unscathed, Pink Heart's brief interaction stood in stark contrast to that notion. As Pink Heart began making her way to find Dr. Bright Spark, a second thought entered her mind. The filly may have had some form of a mental disorder. It was possible she was just delusional from lack of nourishment; the report did speculate at least a week in the woods from her condition, but Pink Heart doubted that. The pony was fully coherent the whole conversation albeit tired. Her story, while absurd, had logic to it at least. Minus the fact she insisted magic didn't exist in "her world" anyway. That particular point left Pink Heart unsure how to feel. The concept was a double edge sword to the filly's credibility at best. If magic didn’t exist than it made sense why she couldn't better explain the exact spell used, but it also meant her story was impossible. As magic needed to exist in order to get here. Not just in small quantities either, no something quite powerful and large in quantity was needed for a spell of that level.
Each option left her worried more than the last. The possibilities she was left with were: they missed head trauma, the filly was crazy, or she was quite sane. Whatever the case, it was going to be a harder case to deal with than originally speculated. Head trauma, oddly enough, was the least likely as they were quite thorough in the initial examination. As for the transmutation idea...Transmutation spells did exist, though she'd never heard of one to such an extent. Furthermore, transmutations of even the most basic sense were nigh impossible for most unicorns. In Fact she was quite sure they were outright impossible for any unicorn or creature. That was aside from maybe Discord or the princesses of course, all whom she was sure were uninvolved. None of this even considered the fact the filly mentioned cross dimensional travel. Every fact of the story was another nail in the coffin for the filly’s story. At the same time, the filly openly acknowledged how improbable her story was and knew how crazy it seemed. Something she wouldn't have expected from a pony who wasn't quite all there. There was also the fact that ponies don't just appear out of nowhere after all, but cross dimensional spells didn’t "just happen" either, especially with no pony noticing. Whatever the case was it just left Pink Heart’s head aching. Additionally the current case report also seemed to suggest the filly was right.
After the guards were unable to find any cases for a missing filly of her description, the hospital moved to dental records. Then when the dental records came back negative for any filly in Ponyville they shipped out a request for other nearby towns’ dental records. While most had yet to arrive the few they had received also reported negative. This didn't even mention the parents in this situation, assuming the filly was indeed delusional. At best they were looking at gross negligence for not already having filed a missing pony report, for a possibly disabled filly. At worse… Pink Heart shuddered to even start thinking about the alternatives. All this combined with the fact the filly insisted she wasn't native to Equestria, made this case graver by the second.
While all this seemed to suggest the filly may be right, the fact that she was still aware of where and what she was, made it seem improbable. After all if she was from a dimension unlike Equestria, then there should be no way she knew she was a pony or what Equestria even was. All this culminated to make her growing headache worse. Every thought was a tug of war in her mind. As soon as one side seemed to claim victory a new revelation or idea saved the opposing idea from the jaws of defeat.
“It's going to be a long week.” Pink Heart finally mumbled to herself as she roamed the hallways for doctor Bright Spark. Her eyes glanced around the ponies around her looking for the familiar purple and silver unicorn. Her eyes stopped when she found him talking to another one of the hospital’s doctors.
“Dr. Bright Spark!” She called in an urgent and worried tone, “ I have some things we need to discuss about THE patient.” She emphasized; gaining the doctor's attention. Bright Spark excused himself from the other pony as he joined Pink Heart and followed her back to the room.
“What happened?” He asked Pink Hearts as they quickly trotted through the hallways.
“I think the initial examination missed possible brain damage. Or at the very least she has some kind of disorder.” Pink Heart answered only to receive a raised brow from Dr. Bright Spark that egged her to go on.
“That's to say she spun quite the tale. I think even Shakespeare himself would have blushed at the concepts.” She continued.
“That's well and good but please get to the point. What happened?” Dr. Bright Spark interrupted with a stern look, bordering on annoyance. Pink Heart winced as she quickly garnered her thoughts; then with a deep breath she continued.
“After I woke her up she insisted she was some made up creature from a made up world where she insisted magic didn’t exist. Only to be transmuted into a filly and left out in the woods. Oh and she mentioned she was a male before all this too.” Pink Heart finally finished in a frantic tone. The doctor meanwhile rubbed his chin as he contemplated the new information. After taking a moment to weigh the options he spoke up again.
“I’ll go speak with her, in the meantime I want you to get a psychologist ready just in case alright?” He gave Pink Heart a slight glance, checking for confirmation to make sure she understood.
“I’ll get right on it!” She replied as she broke off and made her way to the stairs.
Bright Spark let out a long sigh of annoyance. Here he'd thought his shift was nearly over but now he had to fill out at least a dozen medical and legal paperwork. Not to mention doing the actual examination and having a thorough discussion with the patient on top of this. All in all it wasn't looking like he was going to be home any time soon tonight. Which normally might not have left him as bitter, but all the extra legal paperwork and dealing with the guard on this specific case left him irritable. Everything was like stepping on eggshells. He had to take extra precautions due to her age, he had to run every little adjustment like: the amount of water she received, time spent with her, etc. on a dozen different forms. Not to mention he lacked his sister’s skills and tact when it came to children. Unfortunately he was the only doctor on sight capable of dealing with the filly’s issues when she came in. Meaning he got stuck being in charge of her case.
Bright Spark let out one final groan of disapproval before he arrived at her door. As Bright Spark opened the door to the filly’s room, he was running through a dozen different scenarios in his head. A calm but bored looking filly was not one of them however. The filly laid in bed; head resting on one hoof as she looked out her window with a disinterested gaze. As the doctor stepped in the filly tilted her head by a few degrees to put the doctor just in her view. When her eyes finally glanced over him her demeanor rapidly changed. Suddenly her golden eyes sparkled to life and a wide grin shot across her muzzle. The filly’s fascination seemed to be focused not on him, but rather his horn.
“Oh! A unicorn! Maybe you can help!” The filly squealed with glee before wincing and rubbing the back of her head.
“It's Dr. Bright Spark.” He informed as he levitated a clipboard his way to look over.
“Oh Uh Phoenix!” She replied giddy.
“How much do you know about transmutation and possible cross dimensional spells by chance?” The filly asked with a nervous but hopeful smile. When he didn't answer immediately though the filly’s body language became more annoyed and aggressive however.
“Is something wrong?” Dr. Bright asked as he made a note on the clipboard, before setting it down.
“You don’t do you?” The filly rhetorically replied with a frustrated groan.
“I do have limited understanding, but why do you ask?” He inquired before finally meeting Phoenix's gaze.
“Didn't the pink earth pony tell you?” Phoenix skeptically responded; only to be surprised when the doctor nodded in confirmation.
“She did, however, I would like to hear it from the source. Make sure her report was accurate and she left nothing out.” Dr. Bright informed her as he took a seat at her side.
“This might feel funny, but I’m just running an examination for possible head damage. That's not to say I don't believe you, however in cases like this every possibility should be thoroughly explored.” The doctor continued as his horn began to glow; encaptivating the filly's head in a silver glow. Phoenix reflexively squirmed at the odd sensation running through her head but said nothing.
“Now, please tell me your story.” Dr. Bright asked once more. He didn't feel anything off with Phoenix skull or brain for that matter, but that only covered blatant physical damage. Trying to pry any further into her head with magic was too invasive for him to test. So a full psychological evaluation would need to be run in order to confirm or cross out the possibility of any disorder. Unfortunately for the filly, the more he examined the more likely a disorder seemed. Dr. Bright Spark could not detect any lingering magic residue on the filly which such a spell should have left. Then again, depending how long the filly had been out in the forest, it may have given time for the residue to dissipate.
Dr. Bright rubbed his temple a bit as he listened to Phoenix spin her tale. What a tale it was too. Each word sounded like it was straight out of a fantasy novel, full of vivid creatures and a colorful, lived in world. Assuming the filly isn't simply...crazy she at least has a future in writing, Dr. Bright mused to himself. But if she isn’t crazy...Then this is quite the story, as Improbable as it is. Whatever the real answer was he knew it was going to be a long night.
What a night it was too. All together Dr. Bright spent until sunrise listening and re-listening to the filly's stories, taking long and detailed notes. While he wasn’t convinced that Phoenix wasn’t just confused, he kept an open mind. Which seemed to at least eased some of her pent up frustration. By the end however the filly looked exhausted; frequently suppressing yawns as well as rubbing growing bags under her eyes.
The doctor sat quietly for a long few moments; pondering his next few sentences carefully. If Phoenix was crazy he didn’t want to feed into her delusions. If however, she wasn’t, he didn't want to dismiss her claims either. After a few moments of thought he settled upon his final sentence for the night.
“Alright Phoenix. I think that's enough for the night; we both need some rest. For the time being you just focus on getting better and we’ll work on the rest until you're ready okay?” He offered. The filly wasn’t particularly pleased with that response but reluctantly nodded before crashing into her pillow. Dr. Bright slowly rose to his hooves and adjusted the patient’s notes before heading towards the door. He glanced back at Phoenix for a brief moment before flipping off her lights and heading out.
Far above the constraints of Equestria the city of Cloudsdale floated without a care, free in the open sky, free of the worries and troubles that seemed to drag down the inhabitants below. To those on the ground the city seemed to be its own world, detached from the rest of Equestria even. It was a dream or an idea; intangible to most and hard to define for those few who had experienced it.
Ideas and dreams are a peculiar thing however. Some ideas are not good for all those who may be affected and one person’s dream may be another’s fear. There's also the matter that some ideas are not good to begin with and some dreams are just simply nightmares.
As the sun began breaking into the busy streets of cloudsdale the city’s buildings became encased in a golden hue. Making the city appear almost angelic in nature on its surface. Deeper inside, the gentle hum of factories echoed intermixing with the laughter and chatter of its denizens. As the sun's light pushed its way into the heart of the city, a familiar warmth filled the sky, banishing away the cold of such altitudes. The change signaled the beginning of the day for the inhabitants of Cloudsdale. Each pegasus raced towards their work happy to start their day. One such pony was Mirage.
Mirage stepped inside his office and set his coat and hat on a small rack near the doors entrance. He took a moment to brush off with chocolate brown fur and his obsidian black mane before his ocean blue eyes met his receptionist’s.
“You got a letter Dr. Mirage. I left it on your desk.” the receptionist informed him with a tired smile. He gave a grateful nod as he began forcing the black hair of his mane out of his face.
“Windy outside today?” She Inquired as she looked up to see his messy mane.
“Yeah. I tried keeping it in place with my hat, but that clearly failed.” He replied as he got to combing back the black mess upon his head, “So who's the letter from?” The mare sat quiet for a long moment; struggling to recall that specific piece of information. She nervously began to scratch the back of her head and offered the doctor an apologetic smile. To which Mirage simply rolled his eyes..
“I believe Ponyville.” She answered, though she was still visibly unsure. “In my defense the Grey pegasus that came in with it was a bit squirrely on the specifics and she wouldn't even look at me straight. She just handed me a dozen letters, only one of which was actually for us, and flew off. I just finished sending the last of them back before you came in actually. ”
“Ponyville?” He parroted in surprise, “And what do they want?” To which the mare gave a skittish shrug in response. Mirage shook his head with a sigh of resignation before just moving on and making his way to his office.
As he opened the door he was greeted by his familiar oak desk and chairs. All of which were polished to perfection. Then upon the right northern wall, behind his desk, stood lavished with his prized PHD in foal psychology and over a dozen pictures of the foals he had worked with over the years. A smug grin crossed his muzzle as he looked at his accomplishments. Each photo was a badge of honor he carried with pride. The rest of the room did not carry the same delicate care however. In fact it was nearly barren aside from a fern in the front that was wilting. Mirage winced at the sight and poured a cup of water into the plant’s pot.
“There you go.” He murmured to his plant with a small grin before making his way to his desk. As his flank met wood he rested his gaze upon the letter on his desk. As his receptionist promised, or more accurately guessed, “Ponyville Hospital” laid embossed at the top of the otherwise bland looking envelope. It was a novelty for sure, so much so that Mirage had to double check to make sure the letter was indeed for him. After spending half a minute of double checking the letter, he pulled out his faithful letter opener from his desk and slid it through the tip of the envelope. The letter inside slowly fell to the desk as he pried his insertion apart. The paper itself was paper folded into three sections; its black ink clearly visible through the creamy white fabric. With the tip of his blade he opened the letter, like it was some sort of disease ridden beast; revealing its somewhat messing content.
“Fancy,” Mirage sarcastically commented at the paper's lackluster penmanship, “They really should have had a unicorn write it. Ooh well, it's legible at least.” As Mirage finished up reading the letter of request he winced. The letter’s request was for help with a small foal, around five. Which itself wasn't the problem, the problem was the letter required him to travel to Ponyville.
Personally, he hated out of city work and wanted to look for an excuse to decline. Unfortunately for him he didn’t currently have any cases and he appeared to be the closest available foal psychologist. That combined with the fact it probably wouldn't reflect well on him or his business if he declined, made it virtually impossible to reject. He swore under his breath, wondering what could be keeping the Canterlot psychologist so busy as to be unavailable. Only to remember this was Canterlot he was talking about; it might as well have been under siege by some new, bigger than life, threat every other week. With that he let out another sigh of resignation as his mind got to work on a plan.
-Two days max, just find out what's wrong with the filly then you can leave. he reasoned, though he still had his reservations. After spending several minutes collecting his thoughts he sat back up and got to work on his acceptance letter. As he made it through the opening a second thought struck him. I don’t have to write up this message if I just show up and confirm my assistance. In fact if I got to packing right now, I could probably be in Ponyville by this afternoon and get straight to work. He scratched his chin with the tip of his quill as he pondered that thought. It was definitely a plan, one that minimized his time away from home at that. So, he put the quill down and got to packing. Within the hour he was out and making his way to Ponyville.
The flight itself was favorable, with supporting winds and low traffic, Mirage managed to make good time. Though his suit was covered in sweat and his wings ached by the time his hooves landed outside the hospital. He let out a relieved huff of air as he stumbled into the hospital. The receptionist perked up a brow at the sight of him; wondering why he looked in such rough shape.
“I'm the foal psychologist, here for the uhh…” he paused to look over his notes again, “Phoenix!” The receptionist gave a nod motioning him to follow.
Now just to get in, do my job and get out Mirage thought to himself.
Lamentably for Mirage this case wouldn't be a simple “get in and get out”. In fact it was quite the opposite; it was so much so that he was woefully unprepared. Upon rounding the corner he was led to a waiting room full of power work and a royal guard. A quiet whimper escaped his throat as he looked to the mountain of papers upon the desk.
“Is this? is this for me?” He asked; to which the receptionist nodded.
“The guard can help you get started.” She informed before making her way out of the room.
The next few hours seemed to creep by at a snail's pace. In that same time he learned his two biggest hurdles he would be facing: One, there was no family, that could be found anyway, to contact for information or check for a familia medical history. Worse yet, the patient had no medical records or any records for that matter, at all. At least for the moment that was; as it appeared the hospital was quickly at work on that. Even going so far as to suggest they would have something solid by next week at latest. Which isn't nearly soon enough! He internally moaned. Two, The Royal Ministry of Foal Protection was involved, meaning this paper work was just the tip of the iceberg.
“This is absolutely horrid!” Mirage muttered as he shoved another stack of papers to the side. He had been here three hours and he still had yet to even see his patient, not that he could on account he needed proof of profession, which he had not brought. Which was perplexing to him since the hospital knew who he was and personally called him in.
He rued the day unicorns invented paper work. All of this seemed needlessly repetitive at best and pointless at worse. During his internal bickering could continue, his hoof began to ache from writer's cramp; forcing him to take a break. He let out an irritable groan as he set the quill down for now, opting to let his hoof recover; not that he could do much else at the moment anyway.
“Why didn't the letter mention any of this!?” He hissed like a snake as he slumped over, He let out a groan to alleviate his frustration and began rubbing his temples with his non-writing hoof.
-Dr. Spark raised a brow as he looked down the hallway at Mirage. He wondered if this really could be the psychologist the hospital requested. The pony looked like a professional sure, but he acted more like a foal than Phoenix.
“Are we sure this was the right call?” Dr. Spark asked as he slowly looked over to Pink Heart with a look somewhere between worried and confused.
“I wasn’t the one who called him in. I forward the request to the front desk and they got on it. I don’t know why they picked him out of all the ponies they could have chosen though.” Pink heart replied, gazing upon Mirage with an unsure look.
“Maybe he’s better than he looks and we just caught him on an off day?” Pink Heart continued hopefully.
“I suppose that's a possibility, and can’t say I felt much better when filling out paperwork either.” Dr. Spark agreed as he slowly turned around towards one of the side entrances.
“In any case I need to get some sleep. Get a letter out to me if something happens alright?” Dr. Bright Spark instructed as he made his way for the door, not waiting on confirmation from Pink Heart.
“Yes sir!” She called out as she watched him step around the corner; leaving her alone. As Dr. Bright left her line of sight, her demeanor quickly dropped its façade; becoming more tired and haggard in appearance. Solely due to the fact that she had not gotten any sleep last night. Her mind was too busy trying to figure out her next step for this special case. Her mind crossed off each possibility a dozen times over due to each being at best a pipe dream and at worse impossible. Overall the case left her head a tangled mess of conflicting thoughts full of unresolved questions and unresolved questions were something she hated. They were the reason she couldn't sleep, they were like an illness gnawing away at her, and the cure was answered. Unfortunately no pony seemed to have any; meaning this doctor might be her best shot to get those.
So if this psychologist was her best shot at alleviating these questions, then she'd do everything in her power to help get to the bottom of this.
Here I lay playing another game of twenty questions, except it was the same question of, 'what happened' every, single, time. Seemingly no matter how much I explain my story, no one will believe it. Guess that shouldn't have surprised me... But as for why they didn't believe me, I couldn't tell if it was because I was a filly, it was too absurd a story, a mix of both or something else. Regardless of reason it was an immense annoyance.
This time was no different. New shmuck, same question every time. I should have guessed from the moment he walked in this was going to be a long, pointless, circular interrogation. After all he had the same feign look of care all the other doctors had and ontop of that he wore some dumb get up that made him look like some dumb noir detective. Despite these low expectations however, he still somehow managed to surpass those! It was like talking to a brick wall. Nothing I said got through or made him budge on the issue! I'd answer and he'd just ask the same exact thing in the exact way again with the same exact feign concern! At least other ponies had a courtesy of rephrasing or asking if I was “sure.” This guy though just asked “what happened” on loop ad nauseum like some broken record.
Isn't insanity suppose to be doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result? If that's the case I'm not sure who the insane one here is anymore. The ponies asking the same question or was it me giving the same answer.
In either case this new doctor left me wanting to scream. Scratch that, wanting to cuss him out till he buggered off was a more apt description of how he made me feel. Maybe if I had then these ponies would finally get the message that this tedious game of twenty questions was dumb. My internal fit was simmered somewhat however, when I heard the first new question in what felt like forever.
"What's wrong Phoenix?" His right brow made a slight arc as if he didn't already know the answer to his own question. Oh I don't know, only the fact you're somehow you are all the densest people I have ever know! I retorted in my mind as I let out a long sigh. In all fairness, I guess I couldn't truly blame him as he was just trying to do his job. Thought that realization had not left me any less frustrated and with no Benefactor to focus my frustration on, this poor soul was the next best target.
"I keep telling you I am not a filly. I'm not even a pony," I explained in the nicest tone I could muster. Which admittedly still carried an aura of spite to it. One I'm sure The Doctor could pick up on. The doctor, to his credit however, kept his calm; simply adjusting his dopy fedora as he looked down at his clipboard.
"Indeed you have. Twenty seven times in fact," he confirmed in a indifferent tone. Though something about him made me get the feeling he was growing just as tired of this as I was.
"Then why-" I began, only to be stopped by a wave of his hoof.
"Because what you're proposing is simply impossible," he interrupted with a tired sigh, "and it is the result of a mental lapse, fear or something else."
"Well clearly it's something else then, because it's what happened!" I insisted; stomping my hoof into the bedside for emphasis.
"You're a smart filly Phoenix at least from what I've heard. So I won't beat around the bush anymore. You clearly have repressed emotions that you're avoiding, or coping with, by living a delusion, You have head trauma they still somehow haven't accounted for, or you're scared of the repercussions that might happen if you speak up about what really happen to you." His voice was tired; losing the worry that once coated it. I’m not sure how large pony eyes could widen, but I'm sure mine reached that length when I heard those words. Here I thought my proposition was absurd, but this?! this was something else! He cant be serious can here?! I panicked.
"You're not a unicorn, or whatever the scientist equivalent of magic is," I irritably pointed out, "So how can you be so sure?"
"I am a foal psychologist though. I did also spend several years as a student at the Cloudsdale Institute for Higher Learning," he countered, "I learned from the best pegasus, each at the top of their fields. So I can assure you Phoenix nothing, and I mean nothing, would verify your situation."
"Then get some pony from Celestia's school for gifted unicorns! Have them confirm I'm crazy!" I insisted. To my surprise however, the doctor simply shook his head; setting down his clipboard with a disappointed and rugged sigh.
"Since you're still insistent on the delusion, lets review the facts. Just so you can see where I’m coming from Phoenix. You claim magic didn't exist in your world, at least as far as you knew. That's simply impossible however, as the magic needed to cast such a spell would mean magic in your world would have to be at least as abundant there as it is here in Equestria. Secondly we have zero proof, absolutely none aside from your statements. Which mind you came after you got hit by a carriage and spent some time alone in the Everfree. Finally, and most damning of all, your claim you just made. If you truly were from a 'parallel universe that is unlike Equestria.' Then you should have no knowledge of such an institute like Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns," He pointed out. The first two points I could at least work to a reasonable solution. But the last one was different. I couldn't just tell them they were a show where I was from, could I? Assuming they even believe me, and didn't just brush it off as an excuse due to how absurd it sounded, it could cause all number of problems! If I didn't tell the truth though, then I had nothing. If I lied I had nothing. My mind raced to find an answer, any answer.
"One of the nurses mentioned it when I explained my situation!" I lied but he only shook his head once more, causing more weight to pile on my poor heart.
"No Phoenix they didn't. I talked with nurse Pink Heart and she recounted the story you told her. You mentioned it there too," Dr. Mirage explained with a disheartened sigh, "So I'll ask one more time Phoenix. Who are you and what happened?" The words tied knots in my stomach. It was a practical death sentence. Every word was another nail in my coffin, before I was ultimately burred alive. I didn't exactly like any of my options and each one left me just as frustrated as the last.
"So you think I'm crazy too," was the only thing I could force myself to say as pitiful as it was.
"No Phoenix I don't," He replied to my surprise, " I think you're a confused and lost filly who just needs a helping hoof." Guess I should have expected that line… He probably thinks my mom abused me while my dad was working or something… I thought to myself as I let out a sigh of defeat. My busy slowly slumped back over as I lost my will to fight. This caused the doctor to look at me for a long moment before his thoughts were inputted by a knock at the door.
"If it's the same with you Phoenix I need to step out and talk with the F.P.A. I'll be back soon however," he promised as he made his way back to the door out of my room.
"Yea sure," I replied; tucking my head in towards my chest. I felt awful. It felt like a gut punch; knocking any wind I had out of my sails. It was a cruel twist of fate really. A show that preaches telling the truth, yet the truth here dammed me just as much as a lie. It was my silent executioner; blade hung just above my neck. Simply waiting on my word to finish me off. I should have, or I guess should at this point, tell it to finish me off, but the possible consequences of such a reveal stopped me. At best they didn't believe me, which just left me in the same position making it pointless. The worse case scenario however, would see Equestria in a mass existential panic as they realized their lives were fictionalized. Now I know there were hues of grey between those scenarios but given the average equestrians' deception in the show my hopes for a more mellow outcome were negligible.
As the seconds ticked by I felt tears start to well up in my eyes; my vision swiftly becoming a blur of tears, anger and frustration. It continued until all the world around me was unrecognizable. It was like a distant dream now, and not even a comprehendible one. Everything was just abstract, a blur of its former self. Only vague colors stood out now. No shapes, nothing concrete to hold me here. All these water works just because my one shot home ruined because I made a miscalculation. If I just waited to mention the school for gifted unicorns maybe I could have gone home. That realization stung far worse than the tears ever could. I couldn't recall a time I’d ever felt this way. Normally I could just force myself back up and through my problems, but here I couldn’t. I felt helpless, like the helpless filly they all saw me as, and I hated it.
The next few days following Mirage's visit were a disjointed and incoherent blur. My determination, my only companion and sole guide in this land, had abandoned me. Stranding me in the unfamiliar and tumultuous sea of aloofness; intensified by the terrifying storm of lethargy. The duo devoured everything they touched, till nothing was truly left like a plague. Nothing would satisfy their awful hunger. Nothing could stop it either, and I would be no expedition to its hunger.
The rain pounded down like a deafening drum. Fighting to consume all that I could hear and see, even my thoughts were not safe from it. The sound wormed their way into my ears and slipped into my mind. Wriggling their way into every thought until the two became an inseparable and awful noise. All the while its clouds greedily slurped up my sole companion, my only guide, my stars; leaving me isolated and without direction. Even the seemingly vast night sky was no match for its hunger. It seemed not even large enough to be an appetizer to the gluttonies storm. Its gluttony was unmatched expert for one thing.
Its accomplice, its equal, its geminate, the ocean. The waters ranged against my very being. Each of its waves drenched me, leaving me soaked to my very soul. Every drenching was another weight that attempted to pull me down into its poisonous water. Each tide was a tendril that wished to drag me down beneath its murky surface. Its waves battered me every chance they received; each strike was harder than the last. Every wave slowly chipped away at my endurance. It was a battle of wills, but it was not one I could win.
In the end I simply couldn't fight it anymore, or maybe I didn't wish to fight them anymore. Whatever the result, I was far too tired to struggle against the inevitable anymore. So I let the storm bring my mind into its hypnotic white noise and I let the ocean carry me into its cool, inky depths. The world around me faded in my captor’s embrace. Things around me changed, though liberated might have been a more apt descriptor. As I was saved from the torment of the surface, the place in which all my frustration and sorrow remained. The waves protected me from their clutches and the rains pounding shielded me from their noise. I was simply too blind to have seen it before, the duo's true intent. Not to devour but rather shield me from the world.
As I sunk deeper into the depths my days and nights became intertwined into an endless twilight. The vivid colors of the world were obscured by the rains above. Transforming them from hues of burnt ochre, lavenders, and emeralds into reds, yellows and blues. The smells of the rich earthy world were overpowered by the sea water until they were indistinguishable. The joy filled cheers and conversations of the hospital were deafened to little more than distant and unintelligible echoes by the storm’s siren call.
Even my one-on-one conversations felt like they were now asked by someone a whole world away to a person I didn't know. The doctors sat on the opposite side of my savior's surface. They looked down to me with worry, afraid of what had become of me beneath the waves. They called for me and reached their hooves in to try and pull me away from the ocean’s comfort. Thankfully the waves did not budge in their grip, and so I remained protected from the awful things that lurked just above the ocean's surface.
So far down beneath the waves and shielded by the storm's clouds, I was left impervious to the surface's blight of pains. Impervious to the pains of my reality. Impervious to the pains of my shortcomings. I was at last safe.
How long I spent like this I can't say, as my days here were an interchangeable haze. I simply let myself slip into an autonomous stream of movement. There was no greater thought to my actions, rather my body was reacting to any provided stimulus: someone provided food, my body ate, someone asked questions, my body simply nodded along, someone gave a command my body complied. To the point It felt more like an out of body, or a dream rather than reality. My mind would only come back so that it may return to the comfort of a dreamless sleep. Mentality I was wholly divorced from the world around me, yet physically I was still reluctantly involved; not because I wanted too but rather had too.
Today however was different, it broke the norms I had become accustom to during my time in the hospital. I was outside; trailing behind Dr. Bright Spark. While I was sure they'd taken me out in the past for fresh air before, I couldn't name a time when they did however, never had the world been so cold. It was like being brought out from a warm shower and being put into a frigid bath, filled with ice. The sudden change in stimulus forcefully dragged my mind out of its shelter and forced it back into my body. It took a few minutes for me to become truly cognizant but when I did, I found out why I was so cold. The world around me was no longer bunches of greens but was instead faded yellows and withering oranges. Ponies around were dressed in thick and protective insulated layers of clothing; even Dr. Spark had a thick woolly scarf on. While I wore nothing.
”W-what gives?” I demanded as I tried to stop my mouth from chattering like one of those old wind up teeth toys. The demand however only netted me a curious hum from the doctor as if he was unaware of what I had meant.
”Why D-dont I have any warm clothes?” I elaborated.
”Because you insisted on no when I asked,” He explained in a matter-of-fact tone, “I told you multiple times it would be cold and yet you continued to just shake your head.” I let out a shaky sigh and bit my tongue to further outburst at the explanation, given I had no recollection of the events and the fact he was probably right.
Dr. Spark glanced over his shoulder; looking over my shivering body with his placid, purple eyes. Suddenly his horn lit up with a magical shimmer of silver; within a moment I found myself pressed up against his warm, fuzzy side, shielded me from the cold wind. Then before I could thank him for the gesture, his horn lit up once more; removing his scarf before tightly wrapping around it's comforting warmth around me. I felt a heat build up in my cheeks as he gave me another glance.
”Better?” he asked.
”What about you?” I deflect; to which he simply shrugged at me.
“I’ve been in worse.” He assured as he continued walking down the street, though at a slower pace to ensure I could keep up. Unfortunately the near foot high snow, which was about half my own body height, required a notable amount of strength and dexterity from my hooves, to keep me from falling over and eating it; keeping me from switching back to auto pilot. So for now I was stuck here, carefully shifting my way through snow in silence.
”So, where are we going?” I finally asked, hoping to pass the time if nothing else.
”A simple walk around the park.” He answered. At this point my mind drew blanks, as I was never good at small talk and the bluntness and brevity of his answer left nothing to press further on.
“Maybe some warm coffee after?” He continued as if noticing my discomfort with the silence.
”I don't really care for coffee...sorry”
”Hot chocolate then?” He offered to which I shrugged.
“Maybe a frozen popsicle then?” he teased, seeing as I rejected the other two options. I'm not quite sure what expression crossed my face in reaction to the comment, but it must have been amusing as Dr. Bright spark gave a short chuckle at it.
”Hot chocolates fine.” I finally answered, earning me a pleased nod from the doctor. We spent the next few moments in silence once more as we lapped the park's now frozen river. Though the longer we walked the more a certain question nagged me. Why am I here with doctor Bright Spark, instead of Dr. Mirage. This seems like something he should be doing instead. The thought nagged at me for the entirety of our walk and up until we were sitting in a temperate little store on the outskirts of Ponyville. Dr. Bright Spark reclined in a seat across from me; placing down a steaming cup of chocolate in front of me. I gave him a thankful nod before reaching for the small white mug.
”Careful, its hot.” He warned, to which I gave a roll of my eyes. Thank you captain obvious, I thought before taking a short sip of the liquid goodness. My tongue immediately recoiled in pain as my gums screamed in pain from lava.
”I did warn you,” Dr. Bright quipped before blowing on his own drink. Only to stop mid blow in shock as I started to down the drink once more. His eyes nearly burst out his tense face as I drank through the smoldering pain. By the time he regained his sense to pull the drink away from me, the damage was done. I winced in pain as I finished the glass; leaning back as the numbness of burnt gums set in. Dr. Bright glanced between the mug and myself in a mix of shock and horror.
”What demon possessed you to do that?!” He demanded in a panicked voice.
”It was good.” I simply replied; wincing as my tongue felt the burnt remains of my now dead gums. The doctor shook his head in dissatisfaction with the answer.
”You could seriously hurt yourself gulping down something that hot!” he insisted as he leaned in now; giving me a serious and stern look. I answered back with a disinterested shrug; causing his look to grow all the more frustrated.
”No Phoenix, not a simple shrug like usual. You could seriously hurt yourself,” he argued before leaving back with a defeated sigh,” I suppose it's my own fault I Should have been more cautious.” his left fore hoof rubbed his temples a bit. The revelation caused me to arc my brow in surprise. That was not a response I had been expecting. I opened my mouth to say something, though nothing came to mind; causing me to sit in silence as the doctor rubbed his head.
”I think it's time we head back.” He finally stated after a long few minutes of silence. He slowly got up; placing the bits for our drinks next to his own untouched chocolate.
”Thank you Dr. Bright.” I said as I followed him to the door. He took a long pause before finally asking.
”For?”
”The drinks.” I answered, causing the doctor to simply shake his head. Feeling my gratitude would get me nowhere, and not wanting to walk in silence again I decided to ask the question that had been nagging me since we walked. “Why am I not with Dr. Mirage instead? This seems more like his kind of work.”
“He hates the cold, and had other matters back in Cloudsdale he had to attend to so he left. Temporarily of course.“ the doctor explained.
”Seems a bit...rude? To just leave a patient like this.” I noted.
”Phoenix, he's been in Ponyville helping you exclusively for three months now. He has other things he needs to do.” the doctor corrected. The revelation caught me off guard. I knew it had to have been a while, It was winter now after all, but the actual time frame hadn’t really sunk in until Dr. Bright said it. Three months? the words bounced around in my head like a broken record. Three months I had been torn away from my home. Three months I had been trapped in this dumb body. Three months wasted in a hospital. The facts struck my heart with an indescribable pain. A pain I'd forgotten and managed to escape, but now was forced to confront once more. I felt the familiar burn of tears in my eyes as my vision became as muddled as my thoughts. I could no longer see Dr. Bright on account of my tears but he seemed concerned as he attempted to pull me in close. I shifted and squirmed; pushing him away.
”Shall I send word to bring Mirage back?” Dr. Bright asked as he attempted to wipe my tears.
”No.”
”Then what's wrong?” There was no satisfying answer I could give. I didn’t want to be here. Not just in Equestria but in general. I wanted to escape this all, my reality and this awful pain.
So I answer the storm's beckoning call once more; shoving my thoughts, my feelings, my pain, my reality under the water's depths. I tried to drown them once more in the water’s depths. Drown them until they fell limp and sunk far below out of my head. Though like animals clinging to life they resisted; thrashing and forcing their heads back above the waves. So I doubled my efforts and yet they simply refused to give up and drown. Instead they gripped my hooves with an ironclad grip and held on for dear life. No matter how hard I tried to shake them off they refused. Another wave of tears splashed my face as I pitifully continued my attempts, pleading and praying they'd simply give up and go away. Then slowly, one by one they stopped and sank below the waves; leaving me be.
It took the rest of the walk back to be room, but they were gone and I was free once more. No longer did the pain sting, instead it was dulled and put away to a distant thought in the back of my head. To be left alone and forgotten. The numbness was comforting; far better than any other feeling I had experienced that day, that much was for sure. As the last of the pain ebbed away, I tiredly looked to the ocean's waves and let myself slip back into their embrace.
I slowly rubbed my face against my bed side pillow to clean it of the now drying tears as Dr. Bright spark wrote down a few notes. Though beyond that the world became a blur once more as I slipped back into auto pilot.
Dr. Bright spark had hoped that this would have made her come out of her shell, or at least brightened her mood a little and for the briefest moment he saw it. It was faint but he saw the glimmer of life in her eyes. Then suddenly she relapsed. Breaking into a fit of despair, seemingly frustrated with herself until finally she calmed down. Unfortunately she calmed back down to her default state of seeming apathy.
He let out a pained sigh as Phoenix sunk back into bed. It hurt him to see such a Young filly like that. No pony, children especially, shouldn't live that way, yet for all his years of training as a doctor this was not an ailment he could not heal. His patient was in pain and he could do nothing to heal it. That fact is what pained him the most.
Bright spark shook his head softly as he picked up her patient report and dotted down a few notes. Namely there time out, her relapse and noting her now burnt mouth. With that he levitated the clipboard back down before making his way to the door; leaving the filly alone once more.
He spent the next several minutes in a mix of thought and prepping a letter for Mirage’s assistance. He knew the pegasus was busy but the filly’s condition seemed to only worsen by the day and ultimately he was out of his depth. He could guess all day at what plagued the filly’s head and try and suggest something that would help, but that is all it would be, guessing. A frustrated groan escaped the stallion mouth as he rested his quill next to the half written paper. Leaning back in his chair his mind began to wander for ideas. As expected he drew blanks. So it wandered back to its previous inquiry over the investigation of Phoenix. Specifically the fact that it had gone nowhere, no records no missing ponies of her description nothing. Which didn’t bode well.
”Celestia above, what are we going to do?” He murmured to himself. Both the locating of Phoenix's family as well as her current mental state were out of his hooves and he hated it. He felt useless. In Fact they only still had Phoenix around because they had nowhere else to place her at the moment. He let out a soft hiss of frustration before sitting back upright in his chair to work on the letter.
I awoke to a hazy mismatch of colors as my heavy eyelids slowly lifted, allowing my tired eyes to adjust to the room. It took several attempts of blinking to finally banish the blurry haze, replacing it with the more solid and defined shapes of my medical room. My bedroom room, the same room I've come to dwell within the past, who knows how long. The same dull window loomed to my left, the same faded red covers laid on my bed, the same white tiled floor greeted my hooves and the same orange plaster draped walls. I don’t know why this still surprised me. I had awoken countless times to this sight, and yet all the same I felt a little bit of myself die inside each time. It was a nightmare that I could never escape. Even the raging storm inside my head could not hide me from this.
Speaking of storms, just outside I could hear the familiar roar of one. Violently crashing against the walls of my room; attempting to breach whatever crack it could find. Threatening to fill the room with its winds and waters. The noise didn't bother me however, in fact it was the contrary. It was like a soothing lullaby to my tired ears. Calling me closer to it, to witness its vastness. So, I indulged it and wiggled my way out of bed.
Though as I began to climb out of bed a second noise struck my ears. It was a familiar voice, though I could not lay my finger on whose voice it was. Though I saw nothing in my room, yet all the same the voice came like a ghost, calling to me from every direction. What it was saying I couldn't make out as it was incomprehensible, yet all the same, I had the most distinct feeling it was calling to me. Like a siren might call out to a sailor. Despite the voices' almost angelic softness and inviting tone, something in me held me back; stopping me from reaching out for the voice.
It was like a leash, pulling me back as I attempted to reach out; choking all my will to try, out of me. Until finally I gave up; slumping back down in bed, letting the voice fade to the rumble of rain outside. Then as softly as it came it faded to nothing. Leaving me with only the mesmerizing lull of the storm. Beckoning me to the depths of sleep.
Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to; something was wrong here. When I tried to piece together what was off however I could feel the haze of my mind return. It intermixed with the storms soothing lullaby; deafening out my thoughts.
No There's something definitely wrong here I told myself as I struggled to become alert once more. Something inside me was going off with panic, as if I was in terrible danger to an unseen force. My eyes attempted to quickly study the room. My eyes, however, seemingly remained blind to the truth. My eyes refusing to truly take in what laid before them. Everything around me told me this was fine and to just ease into sleep, yet something deep in the back of my mind still screamed of danger. It did everything in its power to force me to constantly study my room. No matter how much I looked and looked, nothing seemed wrong however. Everything was fine.
Then light hit my eyes as the loud squawk of a bird ripped me from my sleep. I lurched up with a groan; looking around the physical world. My eyes quickly landing upon the annoying black bird that had ripped me from my sleep. It rested, perched up on the tree outside my window, seemingly pleased with itself. I felt a small scowl form across my muzzle before being interrupted by the voice of my dreams.
“Oh good! Phoenix you’re finally up," nurse Pink Heart practically sung, “I had been trying to get you up all morning, but you just buried yourself deeper under your covers. For a while there I thought you were just going to sleep in all day again.” She shot me a warm smile as she sat down a tray of food. Though as she followed my gaze she spoke up again.
“Oh these? This was your breakfast, but you'd slept so long I'm afraid it's gone cold. I can get something fresh if you'd like.” To which I shook my head earning me a look bordering on impatient and annoyed.
“You know it's not healthy to eat as little as you do, and sleep as much as you do. Especially for how young you are,” she ranted, causing me to wince a bit as I was reminded of my current form's age,” a filly your age really should be eating a big breakfast, outside playing with friends,” she chided. Despite the scolding, I knew her rant came from a good place. She was simply trying to get what she saw as a lost confused filly to be healthy, but she was wrong.
I felt my mouth open for a second as if to reply before I slowly closed it; shaking my head with a sigh. Preemptively deciding it wasn't worth the effort of explaining to her why she was wrong. Pink Heart noticing this took in a sharp breath followed by a controlled exhale, before slowly walking up and sitting at my side. She said nothing, instead letting her presence do the talking for her. I guess she realized the futility of talking as well. Yet, her disposition still radiated with the same care and comfort she'd tried to express through words.
It was odd really, ponies wore their emotions on their sleeves, just by looks you could tell what most were thinking. While I recalled the show displaying this same manor, I don't think simply watching it would ever quite encapsulate how emotionally open and expressive ponies were. Making me realize just how alien my reserved responses were.
We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, keeping our dichotomy in silence. She sat tall, attentive, and ready to care. I mean while laid, limp, and tired wishing to sleep. It wasn't until Pink Heart got up that I remembered the world around me.
“I'm going to grab some apples, and you're going to eat them alright? I'm not taking no as an answer.” She informed me, though not in an angry way but rather something more akin to maternal. Seeing as I had no choice in the matter I gave her a simple nod of confirmation as she took her leave. Leaving me once more alone with my thoughts.
I slowly turned to face my window; gazing out into the cold wonderland beyond. It was my only perspective out into the world anymore. A gentle onset of frost had begun to cover the window blurring most of my view, but I could still make out the silhouette of a lone tree. The same tree that the annoying bird had rested upon. It stood alone, deep in its hibernation, riding out the storm of snow and ice. It looked dead, old, battered. A soldier whom had rode out the worst of battles only to come home haggard and empty. Only its home had no one, no one to help carry its burdens, no one to raise and help it along. Wanting nothing more than to sleep its days away.
“Don't worry, it's only asleep, it’ll come back in the spring, stronger and more lively than ever.” Nurse Pink Heart voice rang out from behind, though her voice was somewhat muffled by something, likely a basket with apples she had mentioned. Though I didn’t bother to face her so I couldn't tell.
“A bold assumption to assume it’ll survive this winter. Seems like a kinda rough winter to hold out in.” I retorted, causing her to sit in silence for a long moment. Though if it was because this was the first time she'd heard me speak in forever or because she was thinking of the right way to reply, I had no idea.
“It’s friend’s will help it along,” she assured, ”they always do.”
“What friends?”
“You cant see them from here because the window doesn't give you the whole view and is blurry. But beyond its scope there's a dozen more trees all around the building whom are helping it stick out every day. Then When the clouds finally fade away and reveal the sun they’ve so long forgotten, they’ll all be stronger for it.“
“How do you know they'll help one another, or even can help one another.” I insisted.
“It's the law of nature. If they don't I suppose they'll simply fail to make it,” she answered, ”Every creature gives a little and every creature takes a little from one another. In doing so they build one another up and can withstand even the worst of winters and storms.” I shook my head at the response as I continued to stare at the lone tree; my mind slowly drifting off once more as nurse Pink Heart had handed me an apple.
Nurse Pink Heart spent most of that afternoon with the filly, unfortunately after their conversation she'd drifted back to her normal distant self. Pink Heart let out a depressed exhale of air. When the filly had gone out with Dr. Spark yesterday had finally though the filly was opening back up. Better yet she talked to her today, while that conversation was brief she actually spoke. Then she was suddenly back to her inert state, causing a wave of crushing defeat to wash over Pink Heart. She felt like they were so close to finally doing something, then to have the filly suddenly shut down was Heart breaking. Worse yet, what if it was her fault?
That realization petrified her Heart. Had she said something wrong during their talk that upset the filly? She wanted to run her hooves through her mane and yell in grief and frustration. Not now however, she thought to herself. She was still responsible for taking care of Phoenix right now. Her own self loathing could wait.
With that thought in mind she took back the half eaten apple Phoenix had left on the bed side and carefully placed it back in the basket. Pink Heart debated trying her luck again to see if she could rouse the filly back into talking, but ultimately decided against it. Instead she disposed of the apple cores and washed her hooves as her mind wandered.
They only had two more weeks with the filly, until she was properly taken to “ Wings of care orphanage” in Cloudsdale. Two weeks to try and help her. Two weeks to care for her. It may not have been nurse Pink Heart’s job to help their clients in that way, but she couldn't help it. In many ways she felt responsible for the filly's well being, beyond just her physical health. Yet at the same time she felt totally helpless, she was completely out of her depth. She could barely care for the emotional needs of her younger sisters. How was she going to handle a filly like her?
The realization made the pit in Pink Hearts stomach churn, uncomfortably so. Thankfully her fellow nurse Ginger Ale, a peppermint green pegasus, flapped up to her; with a friendly smile. Though the demeanor shifted to one of concern as the mare saw Pink Hearts ragged face.
“Pink, what has gotten you in a sour mood all the sudden?” The mare asked as she flipped her long, curly, purple hair out of her face. “Wait let me guess,” Ginger continued, “it's the filly again?” Then upon seeing Pink Heart tense up in thought, Ginger Ale let out an empathetic, but tired sigh.
“You’ve already done everything you can Pinky. No use beating yourself up over it too. Now I know how you can get when you're like this, so let me stop your spiral of thoughts right there, because I have some great news!”
Pink Heart felt her ears perk up a bit at the comment as her face twisted into one of perplexity. Though before she could open her mouth to ask what she could have, Ginger Ale shoved a hoof to her muzzle and squealed.
“I got, us, front row seats to,” Ginger paused a long moment for dramatic effect, ”Stallions who cry’s winter solstice music balooza in three weeks! You can thank me when we’re there.” Ginger Ale exclaimed with a somewhat cheeky grin.
Pink Heart’s face lit up in astonishment at the reveal. Her mind scrambled for questions like how, but all that came up was ”I er, what when?!” causing Ginger Ale to burst into laughter at Pink Hearts response.
“Don't worry about it. When I saw the opportunity I took it, seeing how upset you were getting over the filly, I figured you needed something as a pick me up.” Ginger Ale continued
“Ginger I could kiss you.” Pink Heart finally managed to spit up in gratitude.
“Then do it.” Ginger cheekily replied in a singsong-esk tone. To which Pink Heart gave a causal but friendly roll of the eyes.
“One no, two that would be unprofessional,” Pink Heart replied back, “but I will do this.” Then like a snake striking she extended out her hooves and wrapped them around the mare in a tight embrace.
“Okay okay I get the point, careful or you'll mess up my mane,” the pegasus protested as she tried to squirm free of the embrace. Pink Heart held the hug a bit longer, to Ginger Ale's disapproval, before finally letting go.
“What would I do without you?” Pink Heart asked as she laid back on her haunches to rest.
“Probably still be stuck in that well you fell in back when we were fillies.” Ginger Ale quipped back with a smug, playful grin.
Pink Heart groaned into her hooves before asking with a muffled whine “Are you ever going to let that go?”
“Someday, maybe. But! Not today!” Ginger Ale beamed as she hummed softly. After a few moments of humiliated silence Pink Heart lowered her hooves to look back up at Ginger Ale.
“I’ll remember this next time you need help getting unstuck from a tree.”
“Hey that was like once! Maybe twice!” Ginger Ale objected.
“What are friends for.” Pink Heart replied with a smile. Causing ginger Ale to scowl momentarily before relaxing.
“Anyway, Thanks again and it's been fun and all, but I should get back to Phoenix.”
“As I said thank me when we’re actually there. But have fun with that. See you after work?” Ginger asked, waving off Pink Heart
“Wouldn't miss it!” Pink Heart called as she turned down the hall.
As Pink Heart disappeared around the corner Ginger Ale shook her head. That filly has her all kinds of jacked up. Ginger thought to herself. She felt her conscious nag at her, berating her with guilt for blaming the filly for Pink Heart’s stress. But, it was true. Pink Heart was overworking herself, she just hoped with the filly gone in two weeks and the concert, Pink Heart might finally get back in her normal groove.
Dr. Bright’s body gave an involuntary shudder as the freezing winds greeted him upon stepping out of his home. Despite his fur and thick wooly scarf, the early morning hours still chilled him to his core. Which resulted in his bones aching and whining in protest with every step.
“Going to be one of those mornings, huh?” Dr. Bright muttered to himself. With no other choice, he tugged his scarf further up his neck and braved the frigid, dark morning. Thankfully, his home was only a few blocks from the hospital; allowing him to arrive in the hospital courtyard in mere minutes. It gave him plenty of time to warm up before his shift properly began.
As Dr. Bright approached the front doors however, his eyes glanced up to Phoenix’s room. The glass was covered in far too much ice to make out the inside. The room itself however, seemed to be off. That was to be expected though; it was still the wee hours of the day. The sun had yet to even grace the icey blue land with its warmth. Leaving the town suspended in a perpetual state of eldritch darkness. It made the already relentless and frigid storms that much worse.
Having said all that, it was unlikely Phoenix would have been awake even Worse yet she had come to a point where she no longer even ate. In turn, this had forced their hoof; resorting in a nasogastric feeding, which itself caused a number of other uncomfortable problems.
Dr. Bright could feel a sigh swell up in him at the thought. Here was a filly, who no longer would even eat on her own, and they were about to hand her off to an orphanage. Even with their best of intentions, how was it they expected to feed and keep her healthy if they couldn't feed here. Though, it wasn't as if he had a choice anymore, what was done was done. The paperwork was already signed and Phoenix was to be shipped off to Cloudsdale for The Winter Solstice. Then again, he reasoned, it's not as if we've done much better.
They had had the filly for three months now, but all the same the filly’s state had only grown worse. Maybe what she needs is beyond what the hospital is able to give. He told himself. Which was true, the hospital could only give so much. Especially when her issue was clearly not a physical one. What ever plagued her was left up to Mirage to solve now. Dr. Bright could only hope and pray he did now.
As Bright Spark's gaze lowered from the blackened window, it met the familiar oak tree that loomed outside Phoenix’s window , and much of the front of the hospital for that matter. The tree itself had seen better years, as this winter’s particular harshness had left it frail and aged. Its once lush umber bark was now a pitiful grey; layered under mountains of ice. Each branch seemed no longer able to even support its own branches, as they too were mired under the intense weight of ice brought on by the storms of winter. It seemed unlikely that the tree would survive. What a pity, the doctor remarked. The tree likely had many more years ahead of it, but this winter seemed intent on cutting those years short. That was not to say the tree was dead however. Dr. Bright had seen dead trees before and this one was still alive, even if it just barely met that definition. This caused a small smile to form across his muzzle as the tree continued to fight on. Things looked bad, horrible even, but he was sure the tree could make it. He then slowly ran his hoof over the dying bark as if to reassure it before muttering.
“You’ll get some help, don’t worry.”
With that, the doctor collected his thoughts and marched towards the warmth of the hospital’s main lobby.
Mirage hissed as he swept through the dense cloud layer towards Ponyville. He may have been a pegasus but there were limits to how much extreme weather even they could handle. That combined with the fact Mirage was used to the normally year round, almost tropic conditions of Cloudsdale, made this venture a nightmare. Thankfully he would only be there a week to get Phoenix and take her back to Cloudsdale. Then with any luck he'd never have to go so far down in the troposphere again.
As Mirage broke to the other side of the cloud coverage he was greeted by an even worse sight than he had expected. The town was blanketed in snow so thick it would have made a windigo blush. Dozens of buildings were buried under at least several layers of the white powder, and those were the lucky ones… It made him wonder just how the ponies planned to get anything done this winter, and why it was scheduled to be so bad. He shuddered just thinking about what else the weather team had in store for the poor landscape if this was just the early hours of winter.
His thoughts would be cut short as frostbite quickly wormed its way through his protective layer of clothing, gnawing at the core of his being.
“Celestia above this is unbearable!” he screamed as he rushed towards the hospital, towards warmth. He swiftly dashed through the air before spreading his wings and breaking, just shy of hitting a pitiful looking oak tree just outside the hospital.
Mirage gave the tree a glare of contempt for nearly hitting him, followed by an assortment of swears for the inconvenience caused by the tree. After a few minutes spent blasting the tree with his grievances, he fluttered down to the ground and made his way towards the door to meet with Dr. Bright and Phoenix.
It felt as though the world around me was flipped upside down as I was awoken once more. Everything else seemed to be locked in time, unmoving, unchanging except me. I could feel the tug of gravity yanking on me like a leash; trying to yank me back down. The unusual feeling twisted my stomach in knots. I'd have called it vertigo, but vertigo didn't involve everything seeming like it had switched places. All while my stomach did mini cart wheels on loop.
“PHOENIX!” Dr. Mirage shouted. I blinked several times as I looked back down, up? To him. He was like an anchor in this messed up world; keeping me locked in place and from falling.
“Are you ready to leave yet?” Dr. Mirage's voice strained with a strong sense of urgency. As if someone had just informed him the building were about to blow up and he needed to be out yesterday. Only the stress seemed to be directed at me.
After several more moments of silence Dr. Mirage let out a frustrated groan as his hoof taped impatiently on the tile floor with a click clack. “We don't have all day,” he added. I simply gave an incohesive groan as I laid back in bed. I didn't want to get up, nothing felt right today. When did it ever feel right?
“Phoenix I Swear to-” Mirage stopped himself short of saying something he'd probably regret, “Ughhh!” Mirage spat a number of profanities under his breath as he made his way out my room. What happened next I can't quite recall, partly because I started to slip back away into sleep, and partly because I rolled back over to gaze at my long since frosted over window. It was a comforting sight, familiar and one of the two constants in my life right now.
One day I was on Earth, the next Equestria. One day an adult, the next a foal. One day a guy, now a filly. Then just as I’d come to a point I expected to wake up in my hospital room I was being forced to go to Cloudsdale. Not to mention the room was upside down now too I thought as I felt my stomach churn again.
Sleep was my other constant. It was also my escape from this confusing reality I found myself stuck in. But, it wasn't a true escape, it was more like a yo-yo in that regard. One moment I was free of this existence, and the next I was back. Forcefully yanked back into its clutches.
My hooves clutched my chest between my rolling black outs, as I rode on the line between sleep and reality. Outside I could hear the pitter patter of the storms winds intermixed with hoof steps just outside my door. As one grew in intensity the other died down only for their roles to reverse. Until finally the wind’s howls drowned out the hospital’s ambulance. I let myself become enthralled by the soothing noise as it blocked out the noises of Equestria. At the very least the wind was almost like home. I could almost picture myself back on Earth. Almost there, I thought as memories of Earth filled my head. But just as I began to return I was once again torn away and placed back in Equestria by r the voice of nurse Pink Heart.
“Phoenix...If it's really that bad,” she began, “we could try and arrange something closer.” I, however, wasn't in the mood for negotiations. Instead I whined and kicked like a newborn. I wanted to go back! I didn't want to be here! I didn't want this! I wanted out of my existence!
While in the heat of the moment I didn't notice it, I would soon come later to see she had shirked back, ears folded down in defeat. She said nothing, instead she let her sorrow filled eyes speak for her. Though what the message was I couldn't quite make out in my frustration. It seemed to be something between regret and pity. Then with that, she left me for the last time. I was alone, just as I had wanted it. Alone in my room; able to drift back to my sanctuary. Away from reality and away from everyone else.
“No luck,” Mirage asked as Pink Heart stepped out of Phoenix’s room.
“No,” Pink answered with a long and defeated sigh,“ She just started throwing a fit when I tried to talk to her.”
“Well unfortunately she can't stay here anymore,” Dr. Bright interjected.
“Quite right,” Mirage agreed, “I've already filled out my paperwork and I'd hate to have to fill out more.” The comment earned Mirage a sideways glare from the two other ponies. “There's also the matter that most of the hospital staff, your sleeves included, will be out for hearths warming,” Mirage added.
“She needs a place now that can watch over her. Not shove pills down her throat.”
“Oh please, I'm sure the staff at Wings of care will treat her just fine,” Mirage ensured as he waved his hoof dismissively at the comment, ”plus she’ll have all the friends she could ever want there.”
Dr. Bright held back the urge to bite his lip at the comment. While his research into the orphanage had proven it was a fine place, the rumors on the other hoof...Left him uneasy. While they were unsubstantiated rumors, the amount of them he'd heard made him always second guess this choice. Dr. Mirage insisted it was top of the line care for foals in need of a good home, but then again he insisted that everything in Cloudsdale was top of the line. Even a restaurant that had given him food poisoning on three occasions... But there was nothing more Bright Spark could do. The foal was no longer under hospital jurisdiction, aside from the fact she was using a room.
After a long pause Dr. Bright glanced at the hallways clock before shaking his head “If you’ll both forgive me I must excuse myself. My Sister is expecting me in Baltimare and my train leaves here in the next hour.”
“By all means go ahead don't have us keep you waiting,” Mirage replied.
“Have a great Hearth's warming Doctor.” Pink Heart bided. With that Dr. Bright gave his fair wells as he made his way out. This simply wasn't his place to intervene anymore, even if he wanted too. Pink Heart shifted a bit in place as they were left alone. Mirage lifted a brow at her reaction before commenting.
“I take it you have plans too?”
“Yeah. I guess I should get going. I trust you can get Phoenix?” Pink heart gave a hopeful and sheepish grin. To which Mirage suppressed a groan.
“Yes I can get her. Have a good Hearth’s Warming Nurse Pink Heart.” The nurse gave a relieved sigh at his response.
“You too Dr. Mirage,” Pink heart chimed as she made her way out; leaving Mirage just outside Phoenix’s door.
“Now how to get her out?…” The pegasus mumbled to himself for a few minutes longer before devising a plan.
I felt a whine build up in my throat as my body became bitterly cold. The air around me felt like a wind tunnel, filled with sharp bits of ice that cut through the blanket of sleep. My body instinctively curled up to conserve its warmth; causing it to brush up against an icy metal surface. If I wasn't awake before, I was now. My body bolted up with a whine of discomfort as the surface drained my body dry of warmth.
As my eyes shot revealing me to be in a carriage. No scratch that, a sky carriage. It was made of a study, well built, cedar frame coated in what appeared to be aluminum, painted to look like gold. I suppose it made sense, even with magic, they probably had to be built to be light. Thankfully this meant the wood was at least bearable, the walls on the other hand were a poor excuse for an insulator.
“You're finally up,” a familiar voice called.
I guess they grabbed me after I slipped off...Wonderfull
“You’ll be happy on our way up to Cloudsdale, which is much warmer than this Celestia forsaken winter wonderland.” Dr. Mirage continued on. I looked up at the chocolate colored pony for a moment, debating to tell him that I didn’t want to go to the stupid orphanage. But then again, what do I want? The question left my head a jumbled mess; bring back with it a sense of the world being flipped. I gripped the sky carriage anxiously as if I might fall out and plummet to my death.
Mirage noticing my reaction asked, “A pegasus scared of heights?” His tone suppressed a sound of amusement. I wanted to tell him off...As a human at least, I loved heights, the feeling of the wind. It was a magical place far removed from the Earth and her woes. Where I was free of the constraints of problems and others. Which would have made being a pegasus rather ideal, unfortunately I didn't know how to fly. A fact Mirage should be aware of… Oh well, I thought with a sigh. Mirage gave me a reassuring shoulder rub as we continued down to Cloudsdale.
“I’m telling you Phoenix, you’ll find no greater care than at Wings of care. You’ll be back on your hooves in no time and get a nice new family too,” Dr. Mirage assured me for the dozenth time since we arrived. Though what happened next was the last thing on my mind. None of this made any difference anymore. I would be stuck here no matter what happened. It’s hopeless, I told myself, you’re trapped and there's nothing you can do. While this wasn't a new revelation, it hit harder than usual for some reason. Like I had just taken a punch to the gut; leaving me on the ground and gasping for air. It was as if I had finally come to fully accept this hell that was my life. This was not a reality I could accept though, so instead I imagined a world where I didn’t have to live that.
I was back on Earth along in a large open field that stretched for miles and miles. So far that my eyes couldn't see the end of it.The air carried with it the humid feeling in my nose when I took in a long breath. Above me a storm of dark clouds swarmed together to greet me with their familiar downpour. The rain washed away any memory of Equestria as water swiftly soaked me to my bone. I wasn't bothered being soaked, it was quite the contrary actually. The feeling itself was pleasant, that combined with the fact I was finally home left me almost happy. I let the warm downpour consume me in its waters.
Unfortunately, my euphoria would be short lived. As the storm approached its crescendo a voice tore the clouds apart; pouring a flood of blinding light down on me. Quickly evaporating the water that shielded me from my life as a pony. The light burned away the fields around me revealing them to be clouds. Sky above turned into a neatly woven pegasus roof. The once endless expanse of open air became walls. My freedom had become a cage.
No! I don’t want to go back! I internally screamed, as I begged the storm to come back and blot out the world around me. The world did not go away, and soon it consumed my day dream; throwing me back into my God forsaken reality.
“You must be Phoenix,” a pony called out. I looked around to put a face to the voice that had robbed me of peace. It was a poppy red pegasus with an almost wheat colored mane, intermixed with the greys of age. His body gave off an aurora of wisdom. While normally I would have chalked it up to age, something about him that I couldn't put my finger on, gave the impression the wisdom was more than that of what one typically gains from age. Upon his muzzle rested a pair of large crystalline clear glasses that magnified his eyes even more than a normal pony.
“I’m the head stallion, Virulent Lesson. But you may just call me Mr. Lesson if it suits you,” he greeted me with a warm and inviting smile. I winced a bit at the name; giving him a once over to see what cutie mark earned him such a moniker. Upon his flank rested a flashlight beaming through a thick fog.
I felt my head tilt to the side at this cryptic image. As far as I knew, and had seen, pony names were pretty on the nose and matched their cutie marks to a tee. But here, I couldn't put the pieces together.
“We can talk more in a minute. I need to talk to Mirage here for a bit,” Virulent commented,” Why don't you go and get acquainted with the others, hmm?” I wanted to tell him no, the last thing I wanted to do was see the others, in fact I'd much rather go to my new room and sleep. Lamentably, Virulent made this option impossible as he ushered me into the next room and introduced me to the dozens of orphans before heading back out. I felt my heart sink a bit as a few of them looked over at me with curious eyes. There was nowhere I could go now and slip away, I was stuck in this room full of a dozen kids.
The first to approach me was a rather bulky looking gryphon with the torso of a crowned eagle and his rear was that of some sort of dark cat I was unfamiliar with. I would have said a puma had its build not been so frail.
“Phoenix eh? What kinda pony name is that,” the gryphon taunted, “Gonna burst into flames or something?” He insult got a bit of the crowd to let out stiffed giggles. Which was odd considering how weak the insult really was; It was enough to make me nearly roll my eyes. This must not have been the reaction he wanted though, as he quickly became upset seeing me so indifferent.
“What? Too scared to talk back? Gonna cry?” He stepped closer, making me realize just how much bigger he was. My head only came up to his midsection; suddenly I felt very small and scared. While I still wasn't scared of what he had to say, his talons looked like they could easily have torn a stallion's head off.
“Go on cry, no creatures coming for you, that's why you're stuck here now.” I felt a pain in my gut. Not for the reason he likely intended though. Instead the words reminded me of my family whom I left behind for this stupid, stupid, decision. It wasn't the first time I had recalled them, but typically I managed to suppress those feelings. Now however was different, my already panicked mind struggled to fight off their memory. The memories forced themselves upon me until I could no longer ignore them or hide from them.
“Ha I called it! Only here two minutes and you're already crying,” he boasted, “That's tomorrow's dinner for me Red Tail!” To which some gryphon in the back begrudgingly agreed.
“Now then,” he continued, “what dumb defect do you have to get kicked to the curb?” I could feel my body freeze up as my tears began to pool up on my cheeks. Pathetic! I scowled myself for getting so worked up, but I couldn't help it. My body refused to obey. My mind now a wild chaotic mess of emotions I hated and couldn't control.
“I’m talking to you fire bird, or did all your fire already get smothered out when you got abandoned?” His voice sounded more frustrated than before. I couldn't tell for sure though, my mind was instead preoccupied by the building regrets, until finally I was buried under them. He said something else though I couldn't make it out, it was far too muffled and distant. Like a voice calling out in a hurricane.
A monsoon of emotions took me once more. Throwing me around as if I were a plastic bag. One moment I was in the lowest point of despair I'd ever felt, the next I hated myself for feeling that way. I had no control, I was no at the whims of this monsoon as it threw me about. It was an insurmountable vortex of negativity and pain. My body scrambled to return to escape, back to the ocean and storm that once gave it refuge from these emotions. Anything was better than this awful feeling inside me.
It was as if the floodgate had been burst open; letting the contents spill out and ebb away at me. It consumed me from the inside out. Like a wicked rot; eating away at the core of my being. Devouring me till I was as warped and disgusting as it. My mind screamed as it hopelessly tried to seal the floodgate and minimize the damage being done by the unchecked emotions, It was far too late however. Their emotions relentlessly battered away at me till I was too weak to try and resist. I felt myself slipping beneath this rot. Till a sharp pain fished me out of it; pulling me back to reality.
How long I was consumed by my emotions, I don't know, but it must have been a while. Because the next thing I knew I was on the ground with the sharp pain culminating into my jaw. The warm feeling of blood filled my mouth, and a painful ringing echoed in my head. I didn't know where I was anymore as my vision was a blur, and the sounds were incoherent. My eyes slowly closed shut only to reopen to a figure now lurching over me. I think it said something, but whatever it was was lost to the ringing in my head. Then before my mind understood what was happening the figure had its’ fist buried in my gut; causing the air to rush out of my lungs.
My muzzle inactivity gasped to try and catch the escaping air, but it was too late. My chest was now a dull and burning pain. I could feel my body begin to clench up in pain; trying to protect my exposed chest. Then came a kick to my side, forcing out a silent cry of pain.
I laid underneath the figure writhing in pain for a few moments. The figure seemingly barked some more at me with words I couldn't make out. This mute performance continued for several seconds until the ringing died down enough to make out his shouts.
“I said don't ignore me when I'm talking to you girl!” I tried to ask what that meant, but my lungs were still trying to gather just enough oxygen to breath. Then wham another blow to my side. Then another. Another.
The beating went on for some time, how long, I don’t know, my mind slipped in and out of consciousness for the rest of the duration. In fact I didn't even know the beating was over till I had a panicked looking Virulent lesson overhead asking what had happened. Truthfully even if I had the energy to answer, I couldn't. I didn't know what had happened, one moment I was fine, the next I was here, most of my memory was a blur of pain.
When he didn't get an answer he turned to the crowd shouting something to them. To which no creature answered; making the head stallion redder than I recalled. After a moment of some more yelling he picked me up and carried me off.
My vision flickered in and out for most of the trip. First there was the entrance to the orphanage. Then a Cloudsdale lit by the setting sun. Then finally I was in a cushy medical bed, as some pony shined a bright light in my eye.
The light hurt, not in of itself, but rather seemed to amplify the pounding in my head. I tried to wince back and retreat from the light, but my body refused to listen. It laid frozen like a stone; each limb heavier than the last. It wasn't until I felt my consciousness give out for the last time that I would be free of the light.
The doctor let out a breath of annoyance as he turned to the two stallions who had brought the young filly in. He gave them both a look of frustration before opening his muzzle for a moment, but then stopped and shook his head.
“She has concussions and several contusions, but thankfully safe from any serious injuries,” the doctor explained. Virulent gave a relieved exhale as Mirage leaned his head back and rubbed his forehead.
“Thank Celestia,” Mirage mumbled before looking at Virulent, “ You mind explaining what the buck that was?!” Virulent lowered his head in shame and shook his head.
“It seems the other foals didn’t take a liking to her.”
“You think?!” Mortgage parroted as his neck strained with stress. Virulent waved his hoof.
“I’ll look into it and assure it doesn't happen again, I’ll also make sure to keep a special eye on her.”
“You’d better, this fiasco could ruin me if ponies found out I sent foals to an insane asylum for delinquent foals,” Mirage snapped; bringing his face close to Viruelnet. Virulent’s expression quickly changed to one of anger.
“The children under my care may be troubled, but you best watch your tongue Mirage,’ Virulent retorted as he stomped his hoof for emphasis, “They are not some freak show for you to gawk and scowled. Children under my wing gain the best care in Cloudsdale.” Mirage didn't back down however.
“You call being beaten within the first hour the best care a foal can get?! Give me a break!”
“I will admit it was a mistake on my part not being present, but-” Virulent was cut off however by the doctor with a stern cough.
“If you two cats are done mewling at one another,” the doctor began, “I expect better from the both of you.” He scowled.
Most of my hospital stay was as bland as one could expect. Though, admittedly I tried to spend as much of it as I could away from that place. Opting to instead spend it back in the endless flat field of my home town; one of sporadic breezes carrying with them a fresh wave of moisture all the while the sun gently beat down on its open fields. The land was far from pleasant, in fact many people I’d know hated the coastal climate, but it was home. A home I had long yearned to return to. Its green covered fields waited for me. They called out for me like a siren and like a helpless sailor, I came. As my mind embraced the familiar visage I felt my feet meet the freshly damped soil. My short unkempt hair gently rustled as the familiar gust of the tempered air disturbed it. On those same winds came the nostalgic smell of freshly dewed grass. For a brief moment I let my eyes relax, so that I could take in the simple sound of the waving fields, but like every time I tried to return, my home was tainted with something that didn't belong. However this time it was not the sound of doctors, the external feeling of movement or any outside stimuli. Instead it came from within my inner sanctum; it came from an all too familiar southern drawl.
“You know, this isn’t right,” HE called out. His words attempting to poison my memory, to taint it. As my eyes snapped back open to find Him, I witnessed the familiar fields melting away like ice in the summer sun. Then from underneath it emerged the street I had spent a majority of my childhood on. In its center loomed my old home. It stood over the street like an eldritch horror. Its imposing size casting an impossibly long shadow over the street. Its size reached far higher than humanly possible, so far in fact that it blocked out the very sky. I felt my body become struck with the consistency of Jell-O at the visage, though I don’t quite know why. As imposing as this version was, it was my childhood home, a home in which I only hold found memories of. As my gaze searched for the answer to my fear they fell upon the source of the cursed voice. The same one who’d taken everything from me.
He leaned up next to the front door looking over a small antique pocket watch. He was still in His pristine black suit and slacks; carrying the same dusty briefcase. His expression was difficult to read and His body language even more so. But as I tried to figure him out he spoke up once more. “We both know, as much as you're trying to ignore it, this was your reality here.” His voice carried with it the weight of a thousand suns and His words stuck to me like nails. I Wanted to argue, to tell Him he was wrong, but they’re weight kept my voice down and their truth sliced through any reasoning my mind might have given. So my body stood there in silence until He seemed to become annoyed with this one way exchange. “You don't seem entirely convinced,” He continued, “maybe it's best I remind you why you’re in Equestria.” My body ran cold at the threat, my heart twisted in knots, and my stomach sank. What does He mean? I’m in Equestria because he tricked me, I thought.
But a simple, “I don’t know what you mean,” was all I could muster in defiance. The old man gave a tired and rugged sigh glancing over His pocket watch before snapping it closed and burying it in His pocket.
“Very well Phoenix, we'll do this the hard way. Just know I don't get any pleasure from this,” He lied. Though of course He lied, so far the only thing He had told me that was true was I’d be in Equestria. But I wasn’t happier or fulfilled there, just home sick. Then His hand slowly jiggled the front door open; revealing an infinite expanse of nothingness. “This Phoenix, is why you're in Equestria.” My eyes fell into the tangible nothingness. Yet at the same time I knew something was there. Something buried deep at the heart of this endless expanse, only I did not know what.
“I- I don’t understand.” My reply caused Him to let out another exhale of air as his head slowly lowered and swayed to the side.
“Course you don’t,” He muttered to himself, “though it's because you refuse to understand and that's the simple truth.” My mind swirled in confusion as it tried to understand what He was saying. But the meaning was allusive, slipping out of my grasp whenever I thought I had a hold on it. “Come along now,” he continued, “My time is very limited and you need all the help you can get.” Suddenly I felt my body fly forward; becoming consumed by the endless void inside the front door. Though nothing may not have been the right word, for it had a feeling akin to that of water. It felt as though I'd been forced under an invisible liquid, but unlike any liquid I knew, I did not float nor did I suffocate. Instead I fell and ascended through the vastness all at once while oxygen poured into my lungs. Then for the briefest of moments I felt nothing, just the endless expanse of emptiness. Like I was suspended in a complete vacuum. But just as quickly as it came, it vanished; being replaced by the sudden appearance of my childhood bedroom. Though the most bizarre part was that of an adolescent version of myself sitting in the middle, talking to themselves as they played with a series of toys I had long since forgotten. They seemed content but not happy.
“Where am I,” I managed to ask as my shock began to wear off.
“When, might be a more apt question. But, we're in your memories. We’re here so I can make a point and so you can see your problem.” My hand rubbed my head in confusion. After being sent to Equestria this wasn’t the most impossible thing I had ever heard, but it was still no less perplexing. After a few moments I reached out to try and touch my younger self to see if it was for real, only for The old man’s voice to cut me off. “This is only a memory, so to speak. You can't change or affect it, only relive and learn from it.”
“And what might I be learning,” I asked all while my mind still tried to put all the piercings together, “I lived through it, there's nothing new here.” This puzzle, His point, seemed solvable. As if I had pierced enough of it together to have a vague idea but not know the specifics. Though as my brain tried to make sense of it, he spoke once more.
“You may have been through this but I’d hardly call it living,” He retorted, “You’re here because you choose to live in a fantasy. I’m simply aiding you in escaping it. But first you must see it to find the exit.”
“I have no interest in living in Equestria!” I could feel my emotions start to flair up once more. Like a firework, the fuse had been lit and I was now set off with only one trajectory. Anger. Though I don’t know what it was for. While I was mad that He had sent me to Equestria, the anger I had now came from something else. It was an inexplicable and internal rage. The closest my mind could come to describe it was: like a mother bear protecting her cubs from something. Only I don’t know what I was protecting myself from.
“That is not the fantasy I was talking about, though that still is one you might want to get sorted out. The fantasy I refer to is one you are constantly living in and don't even know it.” His voice was cool and collected, but held just the subtle hint of disappointment. Then just like a firework my anger had exploded and dissipated into nothingness at this reply. I was left with nothing other than confusion and the feeling of that protectiveness. If he wasn't talking about my day dreams, then I had no guess as to what he meant. “ These daydreams do feed into your real problem, yes. But,” he paused for a long moment as if waiting to see if my struggling brain could piece it together, “It is so much more. It's like a cancer eating you away and yet you look at only the symptoms and think that must be the problem. But no Phoenix, your mind set in Equestria is simply the symptom of a much greater issue.”
“Quit speaking in your riddles and metaphors and tell me so I can alleviate this so-called cancer.”
“Phoenix, I could tell you. But if I did, you’d learn nothing and just let it fester. It would be like telling a Kid not to put their leg in an ant nest. Sure they might listen, but they'll never truly understand why until they experience it first hand. We're here so you can see and understand this cancer first hand. That is the only way to start the healing process. Unfortunately you’re more stubborn than we gave you credit for, and despite all this you still refused to acknowledge it. You know it's there eating away at you, you can feel it, see its consequences,” he paused gritting his teeth in frustration, ”yet you choose to let it fester! That is why I must make you see it so that you will be forced to acknowledge it. Typically my superiors don't like us Intervening in our patients recovery process. But I’ve run the numbers and you're simply too stubborn to look at it on your own, and so, here we are...Hear me well Phoenix, do not waste this outreach, simply because you hold some petty resentment towards me.” The whole while I could still feel the fragments of burning annoyance pierce me with every accusation. His gaze then turned from me to the child version of myself. Looking at it with a saddened expression. “Now I'll give you a chance to answer my questions Phoenix, keep in mind the answers are for you not me. So please don’t make this difficult. This is only to help you.” He then went quiet and pulled out the pocket watch once more, flicking it open. A blinding light briefly spewed out of it before time around us seemed to race forward. Days began to pass by in minutes. The memory of myself blazed around at inhuman speeds. Nearly as fast as I could blink they were in the next day, repeating the same boring ritual of: waking up, eating, followed by locking themselves away to play with their toys. “Now Phoenix, why did you stick to your room so much?” I stood quiet. It was a simple and easy answer and yet I couldn't find myself to say it. Something in me kept me from answering. After waiting several minutes The old man let out a a frustrated groan. “Fine then,” he continued as irritation finally broke through to his voice, “you were an only child, living alone with your mother. Who was busy studying college in the morning and working at night. Leaving you largely alone. So you did what any child did and played with your toys. Escaping to make believe, to pass your days.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“In normal circumstances no. But like most things in life moderation is what counts and you’re time spent parenting was anything but moderate. Whole weeks would pass with your only social interactions being to say good night to your mother, because you were consumed in your own world.”
“And what's the harm in that? My family was busy and so I played to pass the time” The old man clenched the bridge of his nose, disappointment sinking in like a coach who had just watched his star kicker miss the easiest goal of his life.
“I-...” for a long few moments it seemed I had broken Him. He had nothing to say. I was about to give myself a mental victory point for having frustrated The man. But as the thought passed he spoke up again. “Maybe a more direct consequence is in order.” As the words left his mouth he opened my bedroom door, and pulled me into the void once more. Though this time I was immediately brought to a new location. This time it was my elementary school. A large carpeted floor with rugs listing out the alphabet and numbers were thrown across the floor, desks and chairs placed haphazardly along them. Messes of toys, simple books and knick-knacks cluttered the desk, frequently spilling out onto the floor. Most of which other children swiftly picked up and played with again. It wasn't until I saw The old man's finger that I found myself in the sea of children. His finger beamed a straight line to a desk in which I saw, scribbling away at a piece of paper. Making a drawing of dozens of different fantasy lands, characters from my favorite shows and toys. The child version of myself seemed enthralled and frustrated all at once with his crude doodles. I felt a hot blush of embarrassment run over my cheeks as I examined the poorly made drawings. I looked to The old man to figure out why we were here, and as my face turned to meet His, He spoke again.
“It's free time and you opted not to play with your friends instead deciding to draw. Why?” This time I found myself able to actually answer.
“I didn’t have friends-” But before I could elaborate, His irate voice cut me off.
“Because other children were mean and you didn’t like what was popular so you had no common interest.”
“And? What's the problem?” To which He only became more frustrated and shook his head. He then flicked His watch again, speeding us through time. New places and faces surrounded me, and new activities found their way into my hands, but the general set up was always the same. I’d stay locked whatever I was doing, ignoring most outside stimuli. I glanced at the rapidly changing scenery then back to him, with a look of expectancy for him to answer.
“I told you at the beginning. You must come to the conclusion of your problem yourself. If I tell you, you'll likely not believe it or not act because you underestimate the severity of its impact. Such lessons in life can only be learned through experience, not through tutelage.” I rolled my eyes at His vagueness before returning to the scene playing out in front of me. Soon we stopped through a new door into a new classroom, only this time we were now in one of my high school classes. Days went by of me going through class, keeping to myself. Until the teacher called for a group assignment. “You elected to do it yourself. Why?” I shook my head at his insistence before finally calming down enough to answer his stupid lesson.
“Because I didn't trust the other students to do their half of the work.”
“You were in a college level course with some of the most dedicated students of your class Phoenix,” he retorted
“That doesn't mean anything. They could still just as easily fall behind.”
“And yet you failed to turn it in on time because you couldn't make the deadline by yourself, even after your teacher insisted you work with someone else.”
“I got busy okay! I still passed,” I grumbled as my voice trailed off into a series of petty insults. The old man closed his eyes and looked up, his eyes deep in thought for a long moment. His lips pursed out as his tongue rolled along it so that his voice might be free. Yet no words came out. After contemplating what felt like an eternity he skipped us forward towards a new door.
This one’s exit displayed me in college. Well my room technically, taking online college. I kept my door locked as I spaced out to some music and tip taped away to my computer. A tranquil set of isolation began to overtake my past self. Enveloping into an almost rhythmic typing as they let the screen absorb them from the outside world. “Why’d you opt for online? You know it's harder. Plus you don't get the assistance from other students doing the same thing as you,” The old man asked.
“I was busy with work. I needed flexibility.” I instinctually reported, well before my mind had time to process the question.
“Your boss said he'd work with your schedule.”
“We were short staffed. I'd feel bad if I weren't available,” This answer was still clearly not the one He was looking for.
“Phoenix, your beating around the bush to evade the actual answer. And for that matter the problem. I know you know the answer, you’re still just refusing to acknowledge it.” I folded my arms in defense at the baseless accusation. My head in a display of my foul temper quickly swung to the left, gazing out my window and into an oncoming hail of rain. It was quite the sight too. Its thick layers of water bloated out anything maybe more than a foot in. Light too was snubbed out by its presence. Leaving only a navel blue inky void of rain. My gaze studied the splendor full visage for some time, watching as it rolled across the land, consuming the world in its wake. Until The old man shook me to attention again.
I let out an annoyed groan as I turned to face him, demanding he just tell me my supposed cancer already or scram. Or better yet take me home. Unfortunately he said the last option was beyond him. To which I turned my gaze back to the oncoming downpour once more, ignoring the rest of his explanation. As I did, the storm was finally upon us, beating down on the room this a deafening series of pounds, while wind howled on. It's dark visage seeming to absorb the light of the room. Every drop tried to wriggle its way in the safety of the house. Demanding to let itself bloat out the light inside as well.
The old man shook me once more to try and get my attention, but by now I had enough of His games. Tired of his indirect half answers and cryptic replies. So instead I shrugged Him off and opened my window in hopes it might snuff Him out too. As the window flew open water flooded my memory, washing it and The old man away. I let my body float in the water for a long few moments, letting the current take me where it pleases. But finally my lungs gave out and the waters slowly faded away as I awoke back in my hospital bed gasping for breath.
I was discharged from the hospital late next night and was brought back to Wings of Care. Thankfully it was late enough in the night that most of the other kids were well asleep by now. When we arrived back, Virulent Lesson had guided me to the bed rooms. Personally I was far from tired after having just spent half a day knocked out in a hospital, however I was eager for some alone time. Unfortunately the rooms were shared with the rest of the other foals and young creatures here. I let out a groan to which Virulent hushed me.
“Hush, the others are sleeping. But I assure you it's fine, I have taken disciplinary action with Albatross. He's also in dorm three, you’re in dorm one so you’re safe,” he said with a gentle smile. I did not reciprocate the comforting action however. Honestly taking another beating didn't worry me as much as it probably should have. Instead I was more frustrated with the fact I had to share a room with a dozen other creatures.
“If there's any problems, my room’s at the end of the hall. Don't be afraid to get me.” He rubbed my back in a comforting motion before pushing me towards my new bed. It was a plain flat rectangular cloud with a brown wool sheet draped over it. “Now I'm going to get some rest. You should do the same Phoenix. Remember if you need me for anything, I'm here,” Virulent said before departing from the room. After he left me to my own devices, I stepped up to one of the widows and looked out to the slumbering city. I was too restless to sleep now. I just wanted to let my mind wander for a bit, away from this world. Outside the confines of the orphanage rested a sky both open and free. A sky in which a certain cloud city rested. It laid under the cover of cool blue and darker purple hues as the shadows of the night enveloped it. All of which gave the large, open and admittedly already magical city, a mystical feel. Above the city rested dozens of stars that shimmered with a radiant golden white light. It was almost a peaceful site, however the loud, obnoxious snores from the children around me kept me from truly becoming engrossed by its sight. A silent yet frustrated groan pushed past my muzzle as I looked back to the dull and poorly illuminated room. Dozens of bunk beds littered the room, each filled with one creature or another, all of whom seemed to be in a deep sleep. Not every bed was filled though. Some of the children still seemed to remain up, intermingling amongst themselves whispering stories here and there to one another. I guess they came slithering back out after Virulent Lesion left, as they weren't up when I first arrived. In total there were five children still up, two ponies, two gryphons and a changeling, a reformed one specifically. The ponies were a mare and stallion respectively, both some hue of red, yet the lighting made it difficult to pin their exact hues. The mare seemed to be a darker wine red while the stallion was something analogous to maroon, and both wore black manes and tails. The gryphons both seemed to be guys; one coated in feathers of a dark purple and tuskin brown fur, the other, while sharing the same hue of brown for fur, had more of a teal tint mixed with a thick layer of grey for feathers. Giving him a very muted and unsaturated appearance. The bug was harder to pin down, their features seemed androgynous and their colors seemed to shift depending on how the light hit their chitin. Ranging from seafoam greens to a sunset orange. After taking a moment to adjust to the bizarre sight I felt my ear gently perk up to listen in on their quiet night murmurs.
“I'm just saying,“ the female pegasus began before being interrupted by the stallion.
“And I'm just saying, you're wrong.” The remark carried with it a thick layer of jovial teasing. The comment managed to score a bemused giggle from one of the other night owls, namely the bulkier purple gryphon.
“That's not fair! You didn't even let me finish! you don't know what I was going to say would be wrong if I don't finish explaining,” the mare huffed causing her cheeks puffing up like two small red balloons.
“You don't have to watch a falling rock hit the ground to know it will,” the other pegasus retorted with a devious smirk, as if he was trying to prod a bear in all the wrong spots. If that was his plan, it was working as the mare flared out her wings; holding back a loud groan of pent up frustration.
“Calm down you two,” the teal gryphon interrupted, “no need to be trading hoofs, especially at this hour.”
“You know that's my job,” the purple gryphon added with a thick layer of sarcasm.
“We need to rest anyway,” the changeling added in.
“FINEEEEEE,” the stallion began with an over the top tone of disappointment followed by a giggle, “guess I'll have to prove you wrong later, Ribbon.”
“Shove it Zeal,” the mare replied through gritted teeth, “or I'll have Tretorn here knock your lights out.” The comment made the large purple gryphon scowl a bit.
“You know I would never, especially to one of you,” he objected.
“What if it was to knock some sense into my idiot brother?” the mare asked.
“Older, idiot, brother,” Zeal playfully added.
“By one second!” Ribbon snapped back with a guttural snarl of annoyance.
“Still one second faster than you,” Zeal hummed lightly jabbing her side with his fore knee before adding a quick, “love you!” This only seemed to make Ribbon more annoyed, though after a second of snorting out an air of raw frustration she calmed down to begrudging acceptance.
“Ya ya…Love you too.”
“Good. Now that we're all settled down,” the teal gryphon sighed, “can we just sleep?”
“You can if you want Star,” Zeal replied, “but I’m going to stay up and watch the stars a bit more.”
“Better not use your tiredness as an excuse again when we race tomorrow then,” Ribbon quipped. Zeal seemed to ponder the question for a moment, as if to decide whether to push her buttons again or not. After a few moments of internal debate he simply shrugged.
“I won't,” he promised. On that note, the crew began to disburse before Teratorn suddenly stopped; his face jolting as if it had just recalled something.
“Oh hey, Carapace,” he began causing the changeling to turn to him, “do you still have my copy of Three Eagles?” The changeling closed their eyes in thought before scratching their head.
“Umm, yea should be under my bunk. I’ll grab it,” they assured before trotting off and returning with a small yellow book. To which the large purple gryphon happily snatched up and fluttered off back to his own bed. As the group disbursed, for the final time, I turned my gaze back to the window nearest to me. Though before I could let my thoughts wander the voice of the changeling surprised me from behind, causing me to jolt a bit.
“You know, it's rude to spy on other creatures' conversations,” it warned. Though its voice sounded less hostile than I expected from such an accusation. If anything it sounded almost playful in a way. I sat still for a long moment debating what to say next, but ultimately decided to say nothing.
“Don’t worry Phoenix, I’m not mad or anything,” they tried to assure me. I felt my skin crawl a bit as I felt their eyes fall on me. They were dissecting me for information, like an interrogator might do with a suspect looking for any subtle body language to get a read on them. “Sorry I… I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” The changeling's voice was quieter and more timid now. Feeling a slight pang of guilt I figured I could at least give a reply to hopefully calm their nerves.
“How’d you know my name,” was about the only coherent thing I could muster up at the spur of the moment.
“Oh, Virulent Lesson said it when he introduced you,” they reminded me; I gave a soft nod in return. The answer sounded right, but I was personally unable to remember much else other than the beating. “Sorry about that by the way,” she continued, “we’re not all like that here.”
“I really don't care if you are or not,” I replied. It came out colder than I intended, but it was the truth. I didn't really care about any of that, or any creature here, or anything in this world. I just wanted to go back home. I noticed the changeling cringe a bit at the answer out of the corner of my eye, before opening their mouth to try and voice words they'd never say. Instead they sat quietly at my side for most of that night before slumping over in exhaustion. My head swayed from side to side as I gazed out the window once more to watch the sun rise over the city. It rose slowly, at first, but quickly sped to its apex, far above the clouds; banishing away all the shadows that were once gripping the city.
At some point during my sun gazing I must have blacked out because the next thing I knew Carapace was shaking my shoulder. I groggily blinked as my gaze shifted away from the, now golden, city to the bug. After taking several seconds to let my eyes adjust to the dim room, I gave them a confused blink to ask what they had wanted.
“Well...Um,” they kicked their hoof nervously, “breakfast ends in a few minutes, and after you didn't come to it, I thought you might have gotten lost. So I went to look for you, but then I found you here still. Guess you fell asleep here.” I pondered the words for a moment. No I wasn't asleep, I was sure of that. Rather I was lost in thoughts again, but to have been able to ignore every creature waking up… Maybe she was right and I had just fallen asleep; the inky blackness of unconsciousness would explain why there was a sudden gap in my memories. Surely that can't be right though, I thought as my head swirled to recall the events. As I tried to recall them, however the torrent of thoughts tried to drag me back under once more before I was suddenly yanked free of their whirlpool by Carapace’s voice.
“You're not going to fall asleep again are you,” Carapace paused for a moment to look me over before continuing, “ Come on you must be hungry.” I shook my head, to the former question not the latter. My stomach was actually in knots over the thought of food, but at the same time most pony food sounded far from appealing. There was also the fact my body didn't want to move. Even if I wanted to move it forward it sat still, preferring the company of my mind than a room full of children. Unfortunately, my body would not get its way as the bug began nudging me forward. My lips gave a disapproving groan, but the bug didn’t seem to care.
“Come on, I’m not letting you starve on my watch.”
The next few moments was a game of will. My body's desire to stay still vs Carapace’s will to get me to eat. lamentably, the latter seems to be the winning force. Even with my hooves dug deep into the cloud floor, which gave a surprising amount of resistance despite being gaseous water vapor, the bug's determination was unreal. Carapace’s gentle shoves were enough to slowly inch me out the room and towards the dining hall. Admittedly they had far more resolve than their nervous demeanor gave off, but even still I would not be so easily dissuaded.
“Gha,” Carapace groaned, “You sure don’t make things easy.”
“I’d rather go back to the dorm,” I despondently replied in a voice barely above a hushed whisper. Carapace rolled their eyes as they seemed to give up, walking on without me. After they rounded the corner, out of sight, I gave a relieved sigh glad this was over. After taking a moment to make sure they were gone, my body staggered to its hooves in preparation to head back to the dorm rooms.
My departure, even with the wait, was premature however as when I turned back around towards the dorms, I could hear the faint hoof steps of some creature approaching. The sounds were akin to grass covered in a thin layer of ice. Soft but with a small slush to them as the full weight of the hoof came down. I had hoped it was just a straggler, returning from breakfast, but my hopes were in vain. It was as I feared, Carapace. Even if I only saw their fore leg rounding the corner, the way their chitin shimmered between greens and orange was unmistakable.
Expecting another shoving match my body lurched forward to move down the hall before they got the chance. I did not get the chance however, as a pleasant smell caught my nose like a fish hook reeling me back in towards it. The fragrance was analogous to what one would expect to find in a bakery though that wasn't quite right either as it had a sweet thang about it. Regardless of what it was, it rendered me unable to resist.
Instinctively my head turned to find the source of the smell, only to see a tray full of mixed matched breakfast goods grasped in magic; levitating just above Carapace’s head.
“I thought since you didn't want to eat there that I’d bring it to you instead,” Carapace explained wit ha hopeful but unsure smile.
Eating, there, wasn't the problem, I thought to myself.
“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I just kind of grabbed anything I saw the other ponies eating.” I nearly asked what they had meant, before remembering Carapace's diet didn't exactly include normal pony food.
Right, emotions, I reminded myself. I doubt Carapace had any idea what 'good' food tasted like, though that was neither here nor there. I scratched the back of my head awkwardly before awkwardly telling them thanks but I was fine. Unfortunately this only seemed to make them more determined than before.
“You really should eat,” they encouraged.
“If I refuse?” Carapace seemed taken aback by my reply as if it was completely unexpected. After taking several moments to recover from their mental loop, they replied.
“Well, I encourage you to eat regardless.” Carapace’s muzzle cracked into a encouraging, but shy, smile. Though regardless of what she may say or do I was hell bent on insisting no. My body however had a different idea. Before my muzzle could even open, my stomach let out a loud grumble for the food being presented to it. Carapace’s smile swiftly lost its once nervous edge and was replaced by something more bemused.
I let out an annoyed snort of air as my head swung side to side before begrudgingly agreeing. To which Carapace gave a thankful nod as they levitated the meal towards me, noticed the plate was full of an assortment of hay related dishes, which unfortunately was the norm for these ponies, but a few fruits laid to the sides. All of which was… Palatable, but I was more than relieved to have something that was closer to resembling food than the medicine and daises I'd become accustomed to in the hospital.
With a swift flick of my hooves I grasped a dull red apple and bit into it. It was softer than I would have liked and clearly not fresh, but it wasn't rotten.
It'll have to do… As I took another bite of it I felt Carapace’s eyes follow on me again with an inquisitive gleam behind them.
Great, another round of twenty questions.
“Phoenix I was wondering if, maybe you wanted to hang out with me and my friends? I know you don't really want to be in the dining hall. I don't need to be a changeling to tell that. But you seem lonely, so I thought maybe...” Carapace’s voice trailed off after that. Truthfully it wasn’t what I’d expected to hear. I thought it would be something about who I am or why I seemed skittish, but no. The question caught me so off guard that I choked on the apple. After hacking up a disgusting ball of saliva, bile and apple I took a double take to see if I had heard Carapace right.
“Well…?” they asked again, waiting on my answer. I wanted to tell Carapace no, the last thing I wanted to do was spend time with their friends. Such answers however, would only have led to more trouble than it was worth, if our exchanges so far were any thing to go by, so instead I gave them a begrudging nod. Better to just get this over and done with, I reasoned.
The bug briefly fluttered their wings in delight before a warm smile broke across their muzzle. Then within a blink of my eyes Carapace already had my food back in their magical aurora; holding it hostage as they carried it back with them.
“Come on, they won’t wait forever,” Carapace’s hummed as they made their way towards the dining room.
The walk was thankfully short, and quieter than I had expected. When Carapace originally asked, I had expected our walk to be a game of trivia as the bug tried to dissect and learn more about me. Thankfully, I was wrong once again and instead they seemed content to just leave things as they were. As a result the walk was pleasantly quiet; allowing my mind to wander back off as my body went to auto pilot. That was until we came near the dining hall. My ears were suddenly blasted by a cacophony of cackling laughter, food smacking and hollers that dragged me back into my body. We’d barely entered the dining hall and already the harsh noise already left me drained of the will to continue this stupid idea. My body unfortunately was still on autopilot and remained that way till my flank firmly planted in a seat across from Carapace’s friends.
“Oh hey! It's uhh, you!” The bigger gryphon, Teratorn, stumbled before leaning into Carapace to ask in a not so subtle whisper, “That's the new girl right? What's her name again?” To which Carapace sighed in disappointment, but before they could answer Zeal jumped in.
“It's Phoenix!” At least I think that's what he said, as his mouth was still full of half chewed food making his words slurred and muffled. Before I even had time to confirm Zeal’s answer, his younger twin smacked the back of his head with an annoyed growl. Consequently the smack sent the food barreling directly onto my eyes and muzzle; causing me to be temporarily blinded. I with held a disgusted moan as I tried to clean it off while the two contained bickering.
“Swallow first,” Ribbon hissed angrily, causing Zeal to let out a hearty laugh.
“Phoenix!” Carapace shrilled in pure terror at the sight before quickly using their magic to wipe my face clean.
“Can you lot be any more of a pain?” The second gryphon, Star, asked as he buried his face in his left talon.
“Oh relax,” Zeal argued, “No creature died.”
“Yet,” Ribbon added with a mumble.
“Sorry about that,” Carapace apologized on behalf of their friends, “typically they're more.” They struggled to find the right words. Before they could speak however, Star interrupted.
“Before you try and sugar coat this band of misfits Carapace, let me tell you Phoenix, she's wrong.”
So carapace is a girl then, odd... I pegged them to be a guy.
“I was going to say… Less... Maladjusted, than this,” Carapace retorted, choosing her words with extreme care.
“Mal- what now?” Zeal and Ribbon questioned in unison.
“Maladjusted,” Carapace corrected.
“It means poorly adjusted, typically in refence to a social setting,” Teratorn finished.
“Are you sure you’re not just making up words to make us look dumb?” Zeal teasingly asked.
“It’s not my fault you don't read,” Teratorn said with a shrug.
“I fail to see how that relates,” Ribbon interjected.
“It helps broaden your vocabulary,” Tertorne explained.
“No creature here, except maybe Mr. Virulent Lesson, knows half the made up words you two create,” Zeal argued with a bemused snicker.
“Well if we didn't read who would lead the, benighted, of our group,” Treatorne replied, a smirk grew across his beak; as he emphasized the word. Admittedly I’d gone through my share of English courses and I had to admit it was a new one. Maybe it’s a pony term. I reasoned
“Ugh, stop using made up words,” Zeal replied as he broke into a full on laugh. His sister on the other hand seemed to take the ribbing less well. Her face became a hot red of frustration, or maybe embarrassment, as the two continued on.
“Read house of Three Eagles and you might learn a thing or two,” Teratorn continued.
“Ah, so it’s a made up gryphon word!”
“No, it may be archaic, but not made up.”
“Well in any case, how is any creature here supposed to know? No creature but you two can probably read that dusty old thing,” Ribbon interjected once again; grating her teeth a bit.
“It’s only...carry the one...631 years old,” Teratorn chided, “plus it's really good!”
“How good could it possibly be? You've read that thing five times,” Zeal objected.
“I’ll have you know It was written by Emperor Grey tail as a metaphor for the troubles he faced in trying to lead the nation his father divided,” Tortorne argued as his voice went from playful to defensive. The tone seemed to be enough to make Zeal and Ribbon back down.
What a group, I sarcastically remarked to myself, All I wanted to do was eat this stupid apple, and here I am.
The rest of their meal was largely the same. Zeal and Tertorn teasing one another acting like typical children. Ribbon, or 'Red Ribbon' as I’d come to learn her full name was, got more frustrated. Carapace sank further back in her seat in embarrassment. While Starling, or just Star as he preferred, watched in general disapproval.
Band of misfits as Starling had called their group seemed inaccurate. They seemed mostly typical, albeit a bit more hyper in Zeal’s case, children. Brash, moody, loud and obnoxious. Though I suppose that wasn't quite right either. Carapace and Teratorn seemed to be a cut above the others in terms of intelligence, and physicality in Tertorn’s case. Then Starling seemed more like a moody teen than a child. Maybe a band of odd balls might have been better.
“Well Phoenix, are you going to tell us or not?” Zeal asked; snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Tell you what?” My reply only garnered a collective and frustrated groan.
“Trying to talk to you is like talking to a brick wall,” he complained.
“No need to be rude,” Carapace chided, “She's just not comfortable around us all yet,” she continued in my defense.
“Well, maybe if she opened up more,” Zeal countered. The comment made my skin crawl like dozens of little worms were slinking across just under my skin, bubbling up before burying themselves back deeper. My discomfort seemed to cause Carapace to cringe as well, but as she began to speak up I waved her down with my hoof. I may not have liked talking to these creatures, but I didn't want some creature speaking in my stead either.
“I have no real interest in talking about myself if it's all the same with you,” I explained. Not as if there was a point. I’d just be labeled a liar or crazy. Plus, if word got out, it would probably mean I’d have to talk with Dr. Mirage again. Which was something I absolutely did not want to do.
“Rude,” Zeal remarked, “but understandable I guess…”
“Well...” Red Ribbon interjected before falling quite in defeat. In truth they all seemed stumped on how to proceed after my rebuttal. For several minutes we all sat in awkward silence as they shaded confused glances; looking to one another for ideas. It wouldn't be till Teratorn finally spoke that the group seemed to gain their bearings back.
“Do you like to read?”
“Oh! Oh! Which wonderbolt do you think is the cutest?!” Ribbon excitedly added.
“What's your favorite food-” Zeal began before giving his twin a perplexed look of bewilderment.
“What?”
“Uhh what?” Zeal parroted in a mocking tone, “They’re A. out of your league. B. the youngest member is six years older than you.”
“A mare can dream!”
“Mare? You’re barely old enough to be left in the kiddy pool without supervision.”
“I'm eight!”
“And they're mostly in their early twenties.”
“Ugh whatever! You wouldn’t get it!”
“Can we just let Phoenix answer?” Starling interrupted. To which the two nodded; causing their eyes to fall on me once more.
Great… I thought as I kicked my hoof. Maybe I could make up a book? Or say I don't read… That would probably work.
“I don't read Teratorn. Sorry.” He seemed disappointed if not a little heart broke at the answer.
“Well what about the wonderbolts?!” Red Ribbon practically squealed in fangirl glee.
“I don’t know much about them,” I admitted. Which at least this time was true. Sure, I knew them from the show, but I had no idea when I was nor how their actual going ons worked or if it might have differed from the show's presentation of the group. In fact that issue carried over to just about everything here. Despite the fact I’d been in Equestria for a while now, I still knew next to nothing about the world.
“W H A T?!” Ribbons jaw nearly unhinged in utter disbelief. In fact she looked like she'd gone into shock or she had a stroke. The closest thing I could think of to describe the ungodly sight was like a monster in a classic horror film. In truth I wasn't sure if I was terrified or impressed by the sight. Though I would guess the former, given my body cringed while I rubbed my now aching ear.
“Quiet down a bit will ya,” Zeal commanded as he looked around at all the odd looks we were now getting
“Sorry, sorry… But really? Any pegasus worth their salt knows about them!”
“Okay I know who they are, I just don't keep up with them at all.” That seemed to be the wrong answer however. As she seemed more shocked by my indifference for the group than my ignorance. At this rate I was worried I might give the poor girl a heart attack; needless to say, I felt like I was treading thin ice.
“I can get living under a rock, but to know and not care? I don’t believe it.”
“Not everyone lives in your bubble,” Zeal pointed out. The comment quickly caused the two to break into their normal squabbles, which thankfully took everyone's eyes off me as they tried to diffuse the situation.
Well when life gives you lemons. With everyone distracted I took my opportunity to slip away and out of the dining room, with an apple in my muzzle.
At least I won't be hungry.[\i] As I bit down into the apple however, a familiar voice called out to me. My body instinctively flinched as It tried to quicken its stride. Unfortunately, Carapace was faster than she looked and within seconds she was upon me.
“Hey, b-before you go… I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would go like that.”
Well how did you think it would go? I bitterly retorted in my head, though my words were much different.
“It's whatever.” Though I got the feeling she could still sense the tinge of bitterness tucked away in my heart. The last thing I wanted was to hang around with them, or any of these creatures for that matter.
How ironic, I decried, You’re in the land of your childhood show and the last thing you want to do is spend time here. Then again, what else is new...
“Phoenix, are you listening?” Her tone carried a heavy weight of worry and grief with it. I was, in part listening, though I didn't really care. So in that sense I guess I wasn’t.
“Yea, yea. I just want to be alone” and anywhere but here
“Well again sorry I-” she seemed choked up a bit as if she were heart broken.
“I just thought...and maybe if...” Her head hung low for a few moments before she spoke up again, “Guess I’m just making this awkward.” she let out a nervous, hollow chuckle. Her eyes scanned the floor, as if what to say might be lurking just at our hooves, but before she could get another word in we found ourselves bumping into a familiar gryphon.
“Oh! It’s little too good to talk to me and Miss. do goodie,” He he spat.
“Shut up Albatross…” Carapace grumbled.
“What's wrong? You seem to be missing your usual back bone. Then again you are a bug so not like you had one to begin with. Instead you have to borrow it from your friends. But it seems you don't have any right now. I should smack you for being such a goodie goodie and getting me in trouble. But I'm not here for you. I'm here for the mute so scram, or you'll go down with her.“ I gave an annoyed glance In Albatross’ general direction before trying to shuffle past him. I had no interest in his big talk. After all, Virulent Lesson already said he was aware of the situation, so I’m sure the brats on thin ice. So he's either smart and wont do anything beyond big talk, or he’s as dumb as he looks, acts rash and probably gets even worse consequences. Wonder if Virulent Lesson is the kind to throw out bad kids… Probably not, unfortunately.
Though as I made my way past him I felt his claw land square on my shoulder before quickly spinning me around. The next thing I knew there was a loud cry of terror from Carapace as my face became buried in a thick wall of flesh and feathers.
“Oh no you don't! You’ve made a joke of me once too many times already you little weirdo.”
Great, so it's the latter then… My body to instinctively flinch for a second beating. The beating never came however. Instead my ears were treated to a surprised and frustrated grunt from Albatross as a shadow descended over us. I slowly looked up from the wall of feathers to see Teratorn, firmly holding Albatross in place. I blinked a bit in surprise at the sight. Albatross’ body trembled violently as it tried to break free, while Teratorn towered over both of us as firm as a mountain.
“Don’t you have some creature to annoy?”
“Screw off Teratorn, this doesn't concern you,” Albatross spat.
“Unfortunately, it does now. Now scram.” Teratorn’s voice held with it an underlining seriousness that sent chills down my spine.
“Gha! Fine, you oversized rat.” Then just like that, the situation was over. Albatross turned tail, trying to hold onto whatever dignity he had left. Once he was finally gone, Teratorn let out a relieved sigh as he deflated a bit.
“Glad that's over…You two okay? He didn't scare you too much did he?”
“Yea, we’re fine. Thanks, Teratrone. Sorry you had to get involved.”
“Don’t think too much about it. I’m Just happy we didn’t have to fight.” I gave him a curious glance at the comment. On size alone, Teratorn could have wiped the floor with him without breaking a sweat. So why does he seem so reluctant? Once he noticed my look he sheepishly looked away; rubbing the back of his head. “Well I, uhh... I don't really...” His voice trailed off before finally seeming to find the courage to finish the statement, “...know how to fight. Fighting has always made me skittish If I'm honest.” Could have fooled me with that display of bravado
“I mean, conflict never really solves anything. Thankfully my size makes most creatures think otherwise,” he added
“It would make Albatross leave Phoenix alone.”
“That doesn't sound right,” Teratorn argued, though he couldn't seem to quite put his talon on why it didn't.
“Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter, he's gone now. Anyway, thank you again Teratorn.” Carapace seemed genuinely grateful and even happy her friend had come to help, and yet, her voice carried the sound of remorse.
“So why’d you follow us? Weren't you all still eating?”
“We finished, and actually I wasn't even looking for you two. I was actually going back to my bed to read a bit, which is when I ran into you two.” The two delved into a further chit chat about something, that I can't recall, as my mind began to wander away from my body once more.
At some point I must have finally ended up back in my dorms, because the next thing I knew I was muzzle deep in the soft and comforting embrace of a bed. My body softly outstretched to take in the bed’s soothing feel. It’s pliable surface pulled me deep into its grasp like the waves that would come after it and just like those waves I’d happily give into its tugs so that I could leave here into an ocean of infinity. A voyage in which I could leave and never return to shore. My last sight was that of the noon sun creeping its warm rays into my dorm, before the blackness consumed it, tucking it away from my sight.
When my vision finally returned I was in a vast ocean of clouds, not unsimilar Cloudsdale. Though unlike Cloudsdale, it was devoid of any life or structures. It was an endless expanse of grey clouds, heavy with the burden of rain; awaiting to release their woes upon the haggard ground below. Though it was a release that would never come it seemed. For some reason or another they kept their burdened waters stored inside, afraid to share them with the world. Or maybe rather, unwilling might have been more apt. For whatever reason I felt a strange kinship with the cloud layer beneath my hooves. As if our very fates were interchangeable. Destined to obey the whims of the winds of fate. A weary smile crossed my muzzle at this odd sensation as I felt my hooves idly rub the clouds as if to tell them it was okay.
In contrast to the clouds below me was the alien sky above. It was a crystalline blue sky, devoid of worry and illuminated by five bright stars. The stars shined so brightly that it almost hurt to look at. Yet their warmth stretched down like open arms offering to take me in. Despite their attempts however, the clouds below me were like magnets. No, rather like my body itself was the magnet. Maybe that's why I felt kinship with them. When I tried to move towards the light, the weight of the clouds was my own, weighing me down far too much to move. So I gave up and let myself intermingle with the grey mass at my feet.
It was soon after that a new tide of foreign clouds rolled in above my current layer; blotting out the once bright stars. These new clouds radiated with a different feeling than the ones at my hooves however. An energy I couldn't quite find words to describe. Malice? Malevolence? But those words also didn't quite work. They captured the negativity the new clouds brought with them, but they weren't right. As they also carried with it a feeling of familiarity with them, not unlike one might have for a lifelong friend. I’m aware of the somewhat contrasting maybe even paradoxical nature of this description but these feelings are what they struck me with.
My thoughts would not go much further however, as with the new clouds came a powerful storm of wind. The gust of wind caused my body skid against the ground as I briefly, and foolishly, attempted to stay in place. That attempt would ultimately be fruitless however, as I was swiftly quashed by a wave of heavy rain that came from the new clouds. The droplets struck like a rogue wave, knocking me off balance and onto my back. Each one was a bullet in an endless hail of gunfire, suppressing any attempt to break free from the new brewing storm.
The hail of droplets should have been freezing, and yet I felt nothing, instead the only thing I felt was the soft comforting embrace of the somber clouds below. Their silk like fibers gently began coiling around me, like they had down with my hooves prior, holding me in place from the winds. Until finally I was consumed by them, stuck and suffocating in their embrace. I relaxed as the fibers grip tightened around me, forcing the rest of my air out of my lungs. I should have panicked or fought back, but all I did was relax until-
I blinked groggily as I opened my eyes as the rays of sunlight aimed directly for my eyes; dragging me out of my stupor.
“Almost,” I let out a sigh as the familiar tug of tiredness lost its appeal, forcing me to sit and remain awake. For several long moments I sat, contemplating if it was even worth arising out of my bed.
Later that next month Carapace found herself exhausted out in the open air. Her wings ached to rest as her mind begged her to quit, and she wanted too.
It's all you ever wanted to do. she thought with a sigh before looking up to watch her two flying partners. She watched in dismay as she struggled to keep up with Red Ribbon and Zeal. The duo were fast, even by pegasus standards. To them she must have been a snail, hardly even a challenge in their current race. Yet all they insisted she join them in their weekly races. She wasn’t sure why they did, but they did. In recent weeks she'd extended the invitation to Phoenix hoping to have some creature that was, hopefully, on her level. Though the distant mare had expressed no interest in joining the trio, no matter how many times she offered at breakfasts, lunches or dinners. Every time she asked, the mare was more reluctant than the last.
It didn’t seem to matter what she tried, the filly had no interest. Did I do something wrong? she pondered, the possibility hitting her like a gut punch. She felt the familiar urge to give up start to set in. She had as much chance to help the filly as she did winning this race.
“You know!” Zeal began, snapping carapace out of her stupor, “The longer you hover their thinking, the further you’re going to fall behind slow poke!” Then like that he bolted off again, leaving her alone. Carapace gently rose her right foreleg to her left; rubbing it nervously. Zeal was right of course. Worrying so much was slowing her down and yet all the same, she couldn't stop it. What point was there for her to try when there was, at least as far as she could see, no hope in winning? But just as she went to land on a nearby cloud she got a gentle shove behind.
“Come on. Your wings will never get better if you don't push yourself. Plus you can probably beat me today, I didn't get much sleep,” Ribbon explained as she continued to push Carapace on.
“I don’t know about that. You two are just so quick that I-”
“NONSENSE! You’ll never know unless you try, and I’m telling you, YOU CAN, beat me! You just need to, go and stop thinking you cant!” Ribbon grunted as she gave one last forceful shove, pushing Carapace forward by a dozen feet. Carapace let out a nervous smile as Ribbon egged her on. Ribbon was giving it her all for both herself and her to see her finish. She couldn’t stop her.
“O-okay. This time for sure.” She stammered, as her confidence and energy slowly began to resurge with Ribbons help.
“There we go! Now move it or I'm going to catch up!” The two blitzed for the end, where Zeal was waiting. Carapace kept the lead as her vision swam and spun, while Ribbon trailed close at her side, happy to take last if it meant seeing Carapace smile again. The bug had a habit of digging herself a hole, and occasionally needed a nudge in the right direction to get out and Ribbon was more than happy to be that nudge. It was a shameful habit given how much Carapace tried her best at things, even if it didn't always work out or she was scared. Thought that was the reason Ribbon liked her. As the two broke past the finish line Carapace crashed into a cloud exhausted while Ribbon made a controlled landing at her brother's side.
“Took you two slowpokes long enough.”
“We got here, and more importantly Carapace came in second,” Ribbon said with a wide grin
“And you came in dead last- OW!” Zeal cried as Ribbon slugged him in the shoulder.
“That's it, next time I'm going to make you beg me to stop with how bad I beat you,” Zeal continued with a giggle.
“We'll see.”
“So... What do you think is on Carapace’s mind this time?” After sitting a moment in silence, the duo answered in unison,
“Phoenix…. Jinx! Double Jinx! Triple-” they sang in giggle filled unison.
“No I differently won that one,” Zeal argued mid way through.
“In your dreams. But back onto the point at hoof…”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re just trying to change the subject because you know, you lost. But I see your point. What's she so worked up about Phoenix anyway?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you go ask?”
“Was that sarcasm? I feel like that sarcasm.”
“ME? Sarcastic? never!” Ribbon snickered a bit as her brother rolled his eyes.
“Well do you mind filling me in then?”
“Not until you admit I’m faster.”
“But that would be a lie, and Virulent Lesson says lying is bad.” Ribbon’s snicker slowly morphed into a scowl as her brother displayed his teeth in amusement. She debated protesting the sentiment for a moment, but ultimately decided it wasn’t worth her time.
“She wants Phoenix to feel better.”
“OKAY! I get that, but explain to me why.”
“Ugh. Are you just hopeless or is it a stallion thing?” Zeal seemed to ponder the statement for a long few moments causing Ribbon to jerk back in surprise. She wasn't use to her brother actually thinking on something, seeing as how impulsive he was. Maybe he-
“Nope I’m pretty sure it's just a mare being a mare thing again,” Zeal finally said, interrupting Ribbon’s own thought process. Ribbon threw her head back in frustration, One day… One day she thought.
“It's not that hard! Gha! you must be the most oblivious stallion in all of Equestria!” Though, before the two’s conversations could continue they were interrupted by the changeling in question.
“Thanks again guys, but I think… I think I’m going to head back to my room to recover.” Then before the two had time to reply, the bug turned tail and left.
“Is she in one of her moods again? Is that what I’m missing?”
“She is but that's not it you dolt.”
“That’s no way to talk to your brother. What would Father think?” Though as the words left his mouth, he shrieked back in pain as if he'd just bit down on an electric wire. The word left a bad taste in his mouth and a terrible feeling in both of their stomachs.
“Probably about how he could leave and get another set of booze.” Ribbon replied casually, trying to quickly discard the pain in the words. For a moment nothing seemed to happen until Zeal let out a somber, dry chuckle. Ribbon soon followed suit soon after as the two shared a sincere smile of familial comfort.
“Yea, probably.” Zeal agreed as his brief giggle faded off into a repressed sigh. For a long moment there after the pair sat, in silence, staring at the ground before Ribbon wrapped her brother in a winged hug.
“I’ll see you at dinner. I need to do something.”
“I- uh. Okay, see ya later.”
Ribbon released her hug before heading inside to follow Carapace. It took Ribbon several moments to catch up to Carapace, but soon enough she caught her just outside their dorm area.
“Hey! Carapace.” Carapace froze up momentarily before slowly turning to face the approaching pegasus. No words were shared as the two stared at one another for a long second, but it was long enough that the two knew what was on the other's mind.
“Listen, thank you Ribbon, but I really don't want to talk about it right now. I just need time to get my thoughts sorted,” Carapace argued before Ribbon could get a word in.
“Then don’t talk, just listen. It's not your fault.”
“But all I do is sit there and watch. You don’t get it. You're not the one that has to see what that filly is going through every time you see her. She’s in a dark place, a really dark place, and all I can do is watch. No matter what I do it doesn't get better, because I just can't...” Carapace’s words got choked up as she struggled to even speak now. Her guilt was a noose around her neck, pulling and tugging her breath out of her.
“I know, none of us can see, eer smell? Taste? Whatever! None of us can experience emotions like you can. But that doesn't change the fact that this isn’t your fault.”
“You don't get it! Everything I try she just gets frustrated and her emotions just become worse!” Ribbon blinked in surprise at Carapace’s sudden outburst. she'd never seen Carapace angry about something. Typically the bug was far too reserved to be so explosive about her feelings. Though as the surprise wore off Ribbon smiled and shook her head, moving past Carapace’s melancholy.
“It’s not all about you, you know.”
“I- I... What?” Carapace asked, sounding devastated. Had she really come off as that selfish? She thought to herself
“There's a WE, here. Truthfully, we could be doing more. So that failure is on all of us.”
“I don’t get what you mean.”
“You're our friend Carapace. So if this is important to you, it should be important to all of us and truthfully, I can’t say it has been. In that regard we’ve let you both down.” Carapace began to speak up but was hushed by the wine colored mare, “So, let us carry some of that guilt for you, please?” Carapace wanted to object, but quickly realized the irony of such a sentiment. A nervous but thankful smile slowly broke across her muzzle as she looked up to Ribbon.
“Thank you.” Carapace mouthed
“What are friends for? Starting tomorrow this is a group project!” Ribbon declared with a wide grin. With that the two quickly got to work, rounding up the rest of their group to formulate a new plan forward.
I wasn't sure what had overtaken the group of creatures today, but they seemed extra determined to make my time in Equestria super hellish. Normally, they were content by just dragging me along and letting me space out but today they all seemed to have their attention focused on me. It wasn't uncomfortable per say, though it was annoying. All I wanted to do was forget I was here, but they made it impossible to do. One moment I went from having a waking dream to being back in the courtyard talking about something I didn't care enough about to recall between daydreams.
I gave a frustrated groan as I was brought out into my latest set of games.
“Don't you have something better to do?” I mumbled to Zeal as he tried to drag me along to some weird pegasus bastardization of hoofball, which its self seemed to be something akin soccer.
“Come on, you can be goalie! Then you just have to sit there,” he grunted as he dragged me along, “Gha! You’re heavier than you look.” Zeal let out a shrill yelp afterwards as Ribbon smacked him upside the head, shooting him a dirty glare.
“Yea, yea. Sorry, Nix but really you digging your hoofs in the cloud layer isn't helping. Just give it a shot.”
“Please, I know you can do great at it, plus you'll help us make an even team,” Ribbon begged, giving me a hopeful grin.
“Please,” Carapace added as she joined in on the begging train.
“The sooner this is over with, the sooner we leave you alone about it.” Starling pointed out as he juggled a ball between his wings, “Plus, we can’t really talk to you if we’re busy playing games and we wont start playing till you agree.” He pointed out, the point causing me to grimace. I guess I could join them, at least officially. If I could just get Teratorn on my team I’m sure he could do well enough as a striker to leave me, at least mostly, unoccupied.
“Fine.”
“Great!” Carapace buzzed, “then I picked you and Star for my team!” My heart sunk. There was no way this wasn't unintentional. Was she trying to throw the game?! She must have sensed my annoyance, seeing as she winced as my mood shifted. For a moment I expected her to go back on it with how frail she looked, but before she could speak Zeal interjected.
“Works for me! Hey Ribbon, how many goals do you think I can score on Nix here?” he asked, arrogance practically dripping from his mouth as a sly grin cooked past his muzzle. I wasn't sure why it got to me the way it had, maybe because I was already worked up or just the way he'd put it, but his grin made me want to put a hoof where the sun didn’t shine on him. Ribbon, for her part however, shook her head; trying to hide a look on her face. Was it amusement or annoyance? I couldn't tell.
“W-well you have to make it past me first...” Carapace objected.
“I don’t know, Carapace… You sure you can keep up?” He teased with a warm smile to which she gave a firm nod.
“It's game on then!” he cheered, “ I’ll be striker, Teratron you’re defender and Ribbon, you’re goalie. Oh! And I’ll be captain!”
“Fine, Phoenix is goalie, I’ll be defender and Starling is our striker.”
“And our captain?” Starling inquired.
“Oh!.. Uh… Well, you’re really good at shot calling so I thought maybe…” her voice trailed off. Starling gave an annoyed sigh but nodded.
“It's settled then. Every creature take position! Starling’s team gets ball first!” Zeal declared as he and his two teammates quickly made their way to the end of the field. Starling juggled the ball a bit longer before setting it down in the center while Carapace took position a few dozen yards behind him.
“Come on Phoenix! I'm excited to finally get an actual game going on! Let's go!” I sneered at him as I turned to face the goal for the first time. It was an odd sight, looking akin to the quidditch goals from Harry potter, at least if the movies were accurate to the book. A long cylinder base that stretched upward a few feet with a large open circle at the top, acting as the goal. I scratched my head as I realized just what I had gotten myself into.
I could jump and still not be able to reach the apex of the hoop, and I couldn't fly to make up the difference either. I felt a brush of frustration and despair build up in my cheeks at this realization. They bloomed with a bright red as I gazed upon the tower. My feeling would soon be consumed by annoyance as I caught the smug grin of Zeal out of the corner of my eye.
“What's wrong? Getting cold hooves because you know you're going to lose,” he teased. My head slowly turned to him with a glare that could have melted steel. This only caused his grin to grow, or rather change might have been more apt. It grew in excitement as a serious expression overtook it.
“That's what I like to see! That's fighting spirit right there! Show me what you can do then Nix!” he called as he flapped into the air, kicking the ball to Star. Then like a flash the game was on. Bodies flew through the air like bolts of lightning as they fought over possession of the ball. They gracefully danced through the air with precession, speed and agility. The Gs they must have been experiencing would have made a seasoned, human, combat pilot hurl. As soon as my eyes could get a fix on them they broke off at a near ninety degree angle.
“Phoenix! The ball!” One of them called out, though who it was I couldn't tell. As their words ripped me out of my stupefied trance I witnessed Zeal break past Carapace, making a b-line for the goal. I gritted my teeth in annoyance as I jumped with all my might, initially begging my wings not to fail me.
Despite my best efforts however, my flaps didn't come naturally and were uneven in force and timing, causing me to spiral back down into the ground as zeal punched the ball right through the goal.
“And the crowd goes wild!” Zeal beamed, rooting his hoof in the air in a cheering motion.
“Phoenix! Are you okay?!” Carapace said; descending upon me faster than I had time to come up with a coherent response.
“The rules were no physical contact!” she scowled as she glared back at Zeal. To which he immediately stopped as he saw everyone turn to him with annoyance.
“What?! I Didn't touch her!” He protested.
“Ya? Like you didn't touch me when you accidentally elbowed my face and gave me a black eye?” Ribbon retorted.
“I said I was sorry, and I mean it. I didn’t touch her.” His friends seemed dubious to the claim however. Within moments Ribbon was on top of him, looking like she was about to slug him something fierce.
“Wait,” I sighed, “He didn’t hit me. I fell.” I admitted, as the feeling of embarrassment and despair gripped my being again.
“Told you!”
“Now is not the time Zeal!” Carapace looked over at the two’s squabble before turning her attention back to me.
“A- Are you alright?” she asked again.
“Besides my pride?” I bitterly cracked, causing her to tense back in discomfort.
“I mean physically.”
“I’ll be fine.” As I arose to my hooves I brushed her off before glancing back up at the goal. It loomed over me, casting an expansive shadow in its wake.
Just out of reach…
“Did something happen?” I thought creatures' eyes here before were massive, but the look of worry behind hers made them seem to double in size. Which was more than a little unnerving.
“Nothing that's of concern.” She cringed back again as if my words had physically wounded her, but she dropped the subject and instead lifted herself back into the air with ease and grace. The only thing seeming to tier her to the ground anymore was some lingering pain gnawing at her. Though from what specifically I could only guess.
“Anyway. I think that's enough sports for today, I’m going to head back in for the day.”
Then just like that the mare turned her back without another word. Carapace winced as she watched the lonely mare wander back off.
“Di-did I say something wrong?” Carapace whined, holding her hoof close to her mouth. She was sure this plan would have been different, but instead she just made Phoenix upset like always.
“I think did we do something wrong might be more apt,” Ribbon reassured. The thought of her friends helping carry the blame made the guilt in her chest lighten a bit.
“Thank you all…” Carapace for once was glad she didn’t share pony anatomy, because if she did she was sure she'd be a blubbering mess. Though at the same time she wished she had some other way to release this pent up guilt.
“Maybe you should go apologize Zeal.”
“What? Why?!”
“You were being a bit too aggressive.”
“I was not! Phoenix was upset because she couldn't block the goal and I’m not going to coddle her. That would insult both our efforts if we weren't giving it our all!”
“Well did you have to be so… You?”
“Well being overly nice clearly isn't working, so I thought I’d try and ignite a different emotion in her, which totally worked by the way!”
“I don't think pissed is exactly the new emotion we were going for,” Zeal shuddered as his sister glared him down before finally cracking with a sigh.
“Yea, guess you’re right. I’ll go find her and apologize.”
“Maybe it's best I go with you,” Star interjected.
“Why?!”
“Because you lack... Couth.” Teratorn answered.
“Yeah, what the big bird said.” Star agreed.
“Well no offense Star, but if that's the case shouldn't Cara come with me?” Carapace nodded somberly in agreement with the sentiment, but Ribbon held her back.
“Not in your current state, we don’t need you breaking down on us. How about a stroll to calm your mind before you go trying again?”
“I agree with Ribbon on this one Carapace. You should sit this one out.”
“I concur.”
“Equestrian please Teratorn.”
“I mean that I agree with Ribbon. It's probably best if you two go.”
“Fine!” Zeal relented with a drawn out and frustrated groan, “Lets just hurry.”
“Just try and not make things worse,” Ribbon warned as the duo took off after Phoenix. Which took the two much longer than they'd expected. Despite the fact the building was only a couple of stories housing maybe a hundred children at most. It wasn't until they had nearly given up and were going to loop back around to the courtyard that they spotted Phoenix out behind the orphanage by herself. The duo momentarily stopped to quietly watch the filly jump into the air, fluttering her wings a few times before crashing only to get up and repeat this cycle. Starling arched his eyebrows in surprise as he watched while Zeal was still putting the pieces in place.
“So she can't,” Zeal began.
“Fly,” Star finished.
“Think that's why she got so worked up?”
“Most likely.”
“Well I don't get why. Sure it's not common that pegasus our age can’t fly, but it's not unheard of.”
“Maybe she's ashamed of it?”
“AND THATS WHY SHES ALWAYS ALONE! She doesn't want anyone knowing!” Zeal gasped as if he'd just made the revelation of the century.
“It's possible. Though I don't know why she’d agree to hoofball if that were the case.”
“Oh. That's a good point I guess.”
“Still, guess we can't rule out anything with this enigma case yet.”
“Well only one way to find out.” Zeal said as he made his way for the door before being stopped dead in his tracks.
“Oh no. If she's ashamed of it, best not bring it up. Just go out and apologize. We can sort out this problem later; no need to make her feel like we know her secret and make things worse.”
I don't remember, at least fully, how I ended up alone on the floor of the mare’s room. I had a vague memory of self loathing before being interrupted by Zeal and star which was followed up by a series of uncomfortable apologies and questions. Though over what and the fallout that followed, is where my mind starts to dip into a frustrated and dismal haze.
There was a vague recollection of me trying to save face and leaving mid conversation. I suppose in my emotional state I must have dashed into the ladies room to avoid running into anymore of their friends. A soft sigh escaped my throat as I recovered from my little episode and my body got back onto its hooves. As my head arose with the rest of my body it became level with a rather clean mirror. While my eyes had a hard time glancing through a tangled, messy mane I could still make out a vague image in the mirror. It wasn't me, instead it was a reflection of a sad and distraught filly.
“Pathetic,” I muttered at the sight of it. Which as harsh as my words were, was an accurate description of the pony. Its fur laid poorly kept and dirty, its once pure white coat was lost to a filth of grey. The mane wasn't much better off, it was a tangled mess; no longer a bright fiery red but instead a muted crimson. Yet despite its pitiful state all I felt was loathing for its wrenched sight. It was wrong, distorted and so misshapen from what it should have been. Yet, what should it have been? I don't know, I just know it wasn't this.
I continued to stare at this muddied reflection for several long minutes before I could quell my emotions, at least enough to take a deep breath. My right hoof slowly brushed my mane back as I turned my attention to the door. Like with my mane my hoof autonomously reached to unlock it; stopping mere inches from it as my ears caught the faint whispers of my least favorite group.
Their voices were too hushed to make out the exact words but their inflections and sounds made their identities unmistakable.
“Great,” I muttered to myself, lowering my hoof back down. I hoped if I waited long enough they might move on, but I knew they wouldn't at least anytime soon. Thankfully I could wait, so wait I did.
I wasn't sure how long I laid there alone with my thoughts. Though it must have been quite some time because when I came back from the miasma that was my thoughts I could hear the group outside giving their evening farewells before bed; promising to meet again in the morning. I let out a long and grateful exhale as I pressed the door open, only to be met by a pair of two bulging blue eyes.
“Phoenix,” Carapace cheered in relief. Her eyes were lit up with the glimmer one would expect from someone seeing a friend rise from the dead. Unfortunately the expression quickly sunk back to despair as she saw me close the door once more.
“Phoenix please,” Carapace pleaded again as her body slumped over in defeat, “I just want to know that you're okay. Just tell me and I'll leave okay? I don’t like making you upset but…” her voice trailed off as she recalled the events described by Star and Zeal when they returned.
Apparently Phoenix had been struggling out back when they found her; becoming both flustered and aggressive when they approached her. When they tried to apologize she had told them to, forget it and just leave her alone. When they refused she became choked up and ran. Since then she'd been locked in the bathroom. For a while she was unsure if Phoenix was ever even in there, but Star and Zeal insisted this was it so she took them at their word.
She felt awful thinking of what the filly was going through to cause her to act like that. But actually seeing her like that was so much worse than she thought. If she had had a heart she was sure it would have sank to the bottom of her chest. Phoenix was tired, looking worse for wear than normal, and worst of all the concoction of emotions radiating off her body left Carapace nauseous. It was a far more potent cocktail of negativity than anything she'd experienced prior. The mix of bitterness with the tang of regret and the kick of frustration combined to make an indescribable feeling Carapace was unsure she even had the vocabulary to describe. Yet the oddest thing of all was that all those feelings were all laced under a thick coating apathy. Despite all the apathy that was layered on, it still failed to conceal what was brewing underneath. The closest analogy she could think of to describe the near paradoxical states would be like using a thick layer of vanilla icing to try and disguise the chocolate cake below. But one bite would quickly reveal the true contents inside.
“Just go away,” Phoenix groaned from the other side. Carapace grimaced in despair at the reaction. In the back of her mind she knew that would be her reply however she still hoped Phoenix might finally stop and just talk.
“Just tell me,” she began once more, “are you okay?” The answer was obviously no, but if Phoenix at least said she was okay, then maybe Carapace could sleep tonight. Though despite her pleading and hopes no answer was given. So she desperately knocked again hoping to get a reply.
“I just want to make sure you’re okay. I’m worried is all.” There was no answer this time and there would be no answer again. Carapace sat against the door for what felt like hours, hoping Phoenix would finally talk or come out. With time however came exhaustion caused by her own worry until finally exhaustion over took her and sleep whisked her away. Her body laid slumped against the door; hoping that Phoenix might come out.
It was at this point Virulent lesson rounded the corner, performing his late night checks to make sure all the foals were in bed, that he found Carapace like this. He raised a brow of concern as he slowly lifted the nymph onto his back; she looked utterly exhausted. Typically she was a light sleeper, but now even his slow movement didn’t stir so much as a squirm from her slumbering body.
“And what are you doing out so late?” He whispered to the sleeping ling', before glancing at the bathroom door. Locked. He gave a slow nod as his mind started to put the pieces together. After a moment of thought he gave a knock.
“Ahem, you know it’s far too late to be out with your friends.” he warned with the sternness of a father but the gentleness of a morning breeze, “I’m afraid if you don't come out soon I'll be forced to use my master key to come in and get you.
“Oh... Sorry, I’m finishing up; I’ll be out in a few minutes.” The tone made it immediately clear which of the foals was on the other side of the door. While he hadn't spent as much time as he'd like with the newest foal in his care, her general attitude and reluctance made her easy to pick out. That combined with what he’d heard from Carapace in their one on one conversations left him with no doubts who was behind the door however. After another minute the door slowly clicked as the filly slowly waddled out. He was immediately taken aback by her state: she looked absolutely filthy. He had planned to have a talk with her, but he supposed that could wait till after Phoenix had a proper bath now.
I’d only just gotten out of the bath, still wet, before Virulent Lesson came bounding back up to me.
“I know its late and you'd like to sleep, but we need to have a serious talk. You know, you’re making us worry. Your friends especially.” He informed me as if that were some obscure piece of information. I was fully aware they were worried and that was part of the problem. I just wanted them to bugger off and stop worrying. Don't they have something better to do?
“We are not friends.” I countered.
“Oh?” he raised a brow in a mock expression of surprise, “than what are you?”
“A pony who wants to be left alone and a group of creatures that don’t get that memo.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“From the way Carapace described things you seemed quite close.”
“listen, no office to her but we are not close as much as she wishes that to be true. And I don’t want to be.”
“Whys that?”
“Because I just want to be alone.” I replied to which he gave a small nod of understanding.
“I see.” he slowly leaned back as his eyes studied me for a long moment, “Then I only have one question, why do you want to be alone?”
“That doesn't matter.” I huffed
“Quite the contrary. As your current legal guardian your well being means a lot to me and it's clear something is upsetting you. I just want to know what.”
“I don’t want to say.”
“Understood. However Phoenix, as your current guardian I am legally obligated to care for your emotional and mental health just as much as your physical. Now, I know you dislike your meetings with Dr. Mirage which is why I have not forced you to have one since you arrived. However, If you're state countries to decline like this I will be forced to involve him once more.” I felt my cheeks heat up with frustration as this threat.
“I don't want to see that quack again!”
Virulent lesson gave an understanding nod at the filly's outburst. Unfortunately his hoof was being forced on the matter, she was clearly in a bad place and while he’d dealt with a number of troubled foals all of which were parental. Phoenix’s was… Something else, and admittedly something he felt he would not be able to adequately fix himself given the current developments. Due to this he felt a need to reach out to Mirage once again for his expertise. He had only avoided it up to this point because he hoped Carapace and her friends might be able to wrestle Phoenix out of her funk themselves. Unfortunately Phoenix seemed to be just as resistant to them as Mirage. As a result Carapace’s own state was still seeming to suffer. He let out a long, tired, sigh as he tried to work a way out of his position. After several moments of brooding and reflecting on the issue, he came to what he the believed may be his only option aside from Mirage.
“I’ll tell you what Phoenix. I won’t get Mirage If you promise me two things.”
“Those being?” Her face lighting up in a mix of curiosity and skepticism. Which was at least better than her normal scowls or callous expressions.
“You follow a special schedule I plan to give you, starting tomorrow, and secondly come back to me at the end of each week for a talk.” Truthfully it was three criteria, but he was afraid if he told Phoenix the third one, which was that her current condition needed to improve, she would just lie. Thus missing the whole point of this.
“And what would this schedule include?”
“Nothing terribly difficult or demanding. Something like actually attending the designated meal times you've been skipping, one hour of group book club, one hour of rec, one hour in arts and crafts, and one hour at the end of the day to reflect. Now granted that's just my current idea and are broad strokes and will likely contain a bit more. But I’ll give you the specifics tomorrow when I have the schedule complete.” Phoenix grimaced a bit at the suggestion, but she didn’t seem to outright oppose it.
“And how would I go about proving at the end of the week I do these things?”
“Simple, a buddy policy. You’ll be attending these with at least one other creature who can account that you actually participated.” The filly squirmed in her seat for a few long minutes at the offer before asking her final question.
“And,” she began with all the meekness of a sheep, “what would we discuss at the end of the week?” To which Virulent Lesson shrugged, much to Phoenix surprise.
“Whatever you like. Your book club, the weather, hoofball cards if that's your thing'” he proposed. The filly squirmed again in her seat as she seemed to weigh her options. Before finally giving her answer. To which Virulent lesson gave a pleased nod.
“I’ll make the arrangements. Now you should get some rest. You could use it.”
My head was still aching from what little sleep I actually managed to get; as a result of my sleep deprived state, my eyes felt like a couple cinder blocks were dangling from them, as someone pounded on the back of my head like a drum. While I typically didn't fare all that well in the mornings I could manage, however going to sleep at four am, only to get up a couple hours later, had made this normal feat substantially harder. Which made having to read through this short stack of papers Virulent Lesson had given me, all the more painful. My groggy mind struggled to comprehend the words on paper and, at times, it seemed like a foreign language. Well a foreign language, that wasn't just English in a trench coat, under the alias name: “Ponish.”
“Nine am breakfast,” I began to mutter to myself as I looked over the itinerary, ”twelve pm lunch followed by outside rec. Two pm arts and crafts. Four pm book club. Six pm dinner, followed by my meeting with Virulent lesson. Then back to the dorms around ten.” While there was a bit more to it than that on the first two pages, it was little more than a brief description of what to expect. After double checking the schedule to try and commit it to memory, I flipped it to its next page; looked for who would be my assigned parole officer for this sentence. Only to find out it wasn’t one creature, but several, at least one for each activity as matter of fact. Carapace for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The twins for rec. Starling for arts, Then finally Teratorn for book club… I let out a long, and agitated, groan at the choices. Of course, THEY, were the ones he'd choose.
At this point I started questioning who really the insane one. The person claiming to be from a different world, or the head stallion, making me do the same thing I had been doing. If not for the threat of having to see Mirage again, I’d probably have told Virulent how stupid this was. But, as it stood, I’d just have to play along.
As the realization slowly sank in I let out a series of swears before stopping, halfway through a particularly colorful adjective for Virulent lesson, as I saw a mortified expression on the familiar seafoam green changeling’s face over my choice of words.
“I- Moring?” She began looking bewildered on how to proceed after my little tirade.
“Morning.” I curtly echoed.
“Are you, um, ready then?”
“Yeah. What is today's breakfast anyway?” While carapace seemed pleased to get an answer out of me, my question left her baffled.
“The same it always is? A set of fresh fruits with a bit of hay blended with daisies and water. For ponies at least.” She answered as her eyes cautiously shifted over me, as if to ask if I’d fallen on my head and needed treatment. My cheeks became hot as I quickly sheepishly looked away for my ignorance. Was it always the same? Maybe I’m just tired. But it wasn’t always that. Was it? Maybe I'm mixing up hospital food.
After several long moments of awkward silence Carapace started making her way down the hallway before tilting her head to the side in a moment of thought. Her eyes fell on the series of windows lining the wall before she cautiously shifted her attention back to me,
“So how’d you sleep?” As she asked the question her expression tweaking a small bit going from nervous to anxious, as if she were approaching a dangerous animal.
“Fine.”
“If I may say, you don’t look like you slept fine.” Carapace replied as she fell still; waiting for me to follow.
“Well, I did.” I answered as I pulled up behind her.
Carapace knew that was a lie. Though truthfully she didn't care, well at least about the sleep part. What she really wanted to ask was if she was okay in general, but Virulent Lesson made it clear that none of them were to prod Phoenix about her well being or in general for that matter. While he did make an expedition to that rule under the condition Phoenix herself started such a conversation, the rule was eating her alive nonetheless. She wanted to know why she got upset yesterday and what was wrong, but instead she was forced to stay silent to Phoenix's plight. Which while in practice was not terribly different from Phoenix’s normal aversion to such questions, it still left Carapace feeling awful. The only solace Carapace could find in this was that Phoenix seemed better compared to last night, or was at least hiding her emotions better. Though that wasn't to say she was doing great today. Only that instead of anxiety and misery sprinkled with an unhealthy amount of apathy, Phoenix was now a bland mixture of sleep deprived exhaustion and mild irritation with only a dash of general lethargy this time.
“Oh, okay…” Carapace conceded as she awkwardly brought her attention back to the hallway in front of them. Her mind was struggling on where to go with the conversation from here. Normally she might have been able to come up with something, but her mind at the moment kept drifting back to that certain question she wasn't allowed to ask. Fortunately a blur of red came to rescue her from this awful silence.
“There you two are!” Zeal called, “I was starting to think you got lost.”
“No, it just took Phoenix a while to get up from her sleep.”
“Well you two should hurry, breakfast ends in a bit. That is unless you want to botch Nix’s new schedule already.” He joked as he fluttered back; motioning the duo to follow. After taking a moment to make sure Phoenix was following along Carapace began walking again. When the two arrived the cafeteria had largely cleared out aside from a few younger kids and Red Ribbon. Which, if one could ignore how dirty it was, made it rather idyllic in a way. As there was a certain serenity given to the large room by the way the windows let the mooring rays in as the bounced off the simple golden streamer dangling from the celling. Casting the room in a celestial glow. However the interlude of silence was interrupted by Ribbon calling the three of them over.
“I saved you the good stuff,” Ribbon assured Phoenix as she pushed over a tray of Daffodils and an orange. The filly however only gave a forced smile before poking the lump of flowers as if it were a disease ridden carcass.
Carapace held back the urge to face hoof as they presented her the stack of flowers. Phoenix was a picky filly, which was something Ribbon should have known. To Ribbon’s credit however, she remembered just as she passed the plate over; cringing a bit in embarrassment. Zeal, unlike his two compatriots, didn't seem to get that message however; he instead was perplexed as to how any pony could turn down daffodils. He reasoned maybe she was allergic but he’d never heard of a pony allergic to daffodils.
“Um, thanks.” Phoenix finally said, breaking the brief moment of collective embarrassment.
“Uh, no problem. Sorry for that.” Zeal replied
“It's fine...”
“So, Phoenix,” Zeal interrupted, “you ready for rec?” he asked with a beam, his mind already racing with a few different ideas on how to work with her flight issue.
“No,” she callously answered.
“Oh come on. It'll give you a chance to get out there and stretch your legs. It's going to at least beat the time you’ll waste at book club or ar- OW! WILL YOU STOP HITTING ME?” Zeal demanded; rubbed his shoulder that his sister had just slugged.
“I’m sure Phoenix will have a great time.” she said with a smile at the filly in question before angrily glaring at her brother.
“Well, it's true- OW!” Zeal wailed as his sister struck him once more ”Quit that!” Zeal decried.
“Just zip it for once, please.” To which Zeal shook his head in mild annoyance but with a sigh he swiftly relaxed back to his normal state and agreed before letting a small grin crossed his muzzle.
“I think that one might actually leave a bruise.” he praised as his eyes flickered with amusement.
“What's that supposed to mean?” Ribbon inquired.
“It means my baby sister can finally pack a hit. OHHH! They grow up so fast.” Ribbon’s eyes immediately filled with contempt as her face’s expression read something analogous ‘I’m going to strangle you’, thankfully however she made no such action. While Carapace during the exchange tried to hide from the embarrassment under her hooves.
They were supposed to be here for Phoenix and yet all the same these two were bickering again; garnering the attention of the few remaining kids. Normally the background noises muted out these two bickering. Unfortunately with no real creatures reaming, all eyes fell on them. She felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her via association, while the eyes around her judged them. She wanted to change into the smallest thing she could think of and hide. Unfortunately she knew if she did, Phoenix would probably take the opportunity to just leave. Meaning she’d have to stick this out.
While I felt a pain of guilt for the embarrassment Carapace was going through I much more thankfully for the twins’ bickering than anything else. As it let me sit undisturbed with my orange for the majority of our time. Free from dealing with all “this.”
As time slowly crawled by I found myself idly rolling the orange between my hooves. My eyes fixated on the simple back and forth motion as I tried to distract myself once more. Which almost worked until Carapace spoke up and shattered the background white noise that was the twins arguing.
“Are you going to eat your orange? Because you only have another few minutes before Virulent Lesson closes the cafeteria for cleaning.”
“Hu? Oh yea I’ll finish it,” I assured as I used my teeth to wiggle free a slice. It wasn't the easiest or most reliable way to break apart an orange, but without fingers I had to make do. When life gives you oranges and all that. Carapace gave a nod of satisfaction at my answer before making her way out of the cafeteria.
“I’ll see you later,” she promised, shooting me a warm and tender smile. I watched her turn and leave; taking the warmth of the friendly gesture with her; leaving me alone once more. I’m unsure why that particular smile stood out to me compared to the dozens she had given before, maybe it was the confidence it exuded compared to prior one? Though I wouldn't be able to say for sure.
As the feeling of reclusion sat back in my mind began to wonder as it usually had. Letting the white noise of the twins' argument block out the world around me. As the simple hypnotic roll of the orange brought all my attention into a single point, disconnected from the drudgery of reality.
I recall a brief moment of feeling a freezing breeze run through my hair, as I stood the edge of an island. Well I assumed it was an island, as I kept my eyes firmly shut through the experiences. Instead I opted to let my other sense take in the reality around me. There was the familiar tang of salt water brushing against my nose as the small waves, that could make it this far inland, brushed past my feet while the chilling air continued to blow out to sea. It was at that point I noticed an oddity. It was notably cold here. Not freezing per say, but the world lacked the sun's familiar and intimate warmth. I was on a beach, I should have felt it and yet I felt no such thing. It was a notably missing detail that railed the back of my mind, It should have been here, my mind would whisper. But as I dare open my eyes to look, the sole cooling breeze of the sea assured me it was alright. So I relaxed, forgetting the warmth.
I would not spend much longer on the shore however, as the siren call of the sea beckoned me forward. Calling me to its roaring waves. I tried to take a step forward, to embrace the sea, to embrace the vast infinity of nothing, only for something to grab me from behind pulling me back. I took a surprised gasp as I opened my eyes.
“Nix come on. The head stallion is going to get upset if we stick around any longer.” Zeal urged as he poked my back, trying to garner my attention, for what I could only assume was the seventh time.
“You can finish your half eaten orange somewhere else, but come on.” he insisted, trying to tug me along, to which I used my wings to brush him off.
“Yea yea,” I irritably replied as I took the orange in my mouth.
Later that afternoon just after lunch, I found myself sitting in the courtyard in a row, if you could call this disorganized blob that, of foals. Each anywhere between three to five feet apart in staggered order talking amongst themselves. Thankfully unlike some other children, these ones didn't bother to try and start up a conversation with me. Leaving me free to gaze upon the sight of Cloudsdale once more.
Unfortunately, Wings of Care was located at the edge of Cloudsdale, on top of that, the courtyard faced away from it; towards the rule outskirts and the infinite sea of white. While the free roaming clouds were pretty in their own way, they lacked the same impressive scale and structure of Cloudsdale. Everything there had a sense of grandeur too, that demanded to be noticed. They way it stood defiant in this sea of air and clouds, was almost poetic in a way. Though maybe that's just the rural urban dweller in me, whom had never really been to a city. My thought process, as usual, was cut short however as a hoof suddenly jabbed me in the chest.
“You’re it first!” A filly squealed before dashing off with the rest of the herd. I let out a long sigh as I brushed my mane out of my face.
“Here we go.” I mumbled, as I realized I didn't even know what game we were playing. Probably some iteration of tag by the sound of it. But I couldn't be sure.
Though as fortune would have it, I wouldn't have to worry about that. As just when the game was about to start, Virulet Lesson came out calling my name. Causing me to freeze in place in bewilderment. What did he want now? well what ever it is, its got to be better than this dumb game, I reasoned. So I took my opportunity to avoid the game and waved the foals off as I made my way to Virulent lesson’s side. The other kids gave a groan in annoyance while Zeal and a Ribbon wished me luck.
“Best hurry up Phoenix, its not good to keep other creatures waiting,” he hummed.
“Keep who waiting?”
“A few very special guests.” My gut sank at the comment, did he mean Mirage? No, couldn't be he said a few not one. Then again I guess it could still be Mirage with a few others creatures at his side.
“Now Phoenix I need you on your ABSOLUTE, best behavior. Understand?”
“That's not exactly an answer,” I muttered to myself as we approached the office, "but fine."
“OH! This must be here!” A feminine voice squealed in delight as we entered the small office.
“This is her,” Virulent Lesson confirmed, “Phoenix meet the Grey-Feathers. Grey-Feather this is Phoenix. Now Phoenix, this couple is looking to make an adoption.” Great… I internally sighed. I had no interest in going home with some set of strangers, but then a thought hit me. I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world at least, In fact I could use them so that I wouldn’t have to deal with Mirage again or all these other children While not the most appealing idea it certainly had its benefits.
The couple themselves was an… Odd pairing. A mare and gryphon to be exact. The mare was a lighter tree bark esk grey, with a long pine green mane, and a thunder bolt as a cutie mark. While the gryphon shared the same mute color scheme his upper half of a horned owl and the lower half of a darker colored lion. While the two shared a buzz of excitement, the gryphon seemed a bit more reserved than his wife. He held a sense of hesitation about him while the mare seemed full stop exited.
“Um, Hello.” I hesitantly replied as I continued to look over the couple.
“Hello dear!” the mare chimed again before turning to her husband, “Oh she's adorable!”
“As I mentioned earlier, Phoenix here is well meaning but can be skittish so please don't bombard her.”
“Of course!, ” The mare assured with a wide grin, “But I'm sure you'll grow out of it! You just need a good home is all!”
“So Phoenix, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself.” The gryphon suggested.
“There's not much to say,” I answered.
“Oh I'm sure there's something dear!” the mare interjected, “Do you have any interest, oh what do you dream about?”
“Storms mostly,” I sarcastically mumbled, more so to myself than them. This caused Virulent lesson to give me a cautious glance, as if probing my body for further detail. The mare on the other hand, er hoof, was thrilled, exacerbated even by my reply.
“OHHH! I love weather! That's what I got my cutie mark in as a matter of fact. What are the odds? I even work at the weather factory you know? It's a wonderful and special facility chalk full of all kinds of storms. It's why that, aside from wonder bolts headquarters, it's the only place in Cloudsdale to use magically enhanced materials to make its structure. Other than clouds of course. Mostly to prevent it from being torn apart in case one of the weather machines goes haywire. Oh I know! I could take you there on a trip! Doesn't that sound exciting?” The mare gushed with excitement as her gaze poured down onto me like a child watching an ant through a magnifying glass. The gaze caused me to reel back a bit while my mind processed a response amid the discomfort.
“Yea…” Was the only thing I could think up. This caused the mare factual expression faltered for a moment; morphing into something else for just a brief moment. Then just like that it was back to its normal wide grin. Confusion maybe? Though it was too fast to tell.
“Well come and sit down Phoenix,” Virulent invited as he took a seat on his own side of the desk. I glanced once more between the two creatures before taking the seat on the left of the mare, the one furthest from the two. The mare offered me a hug with her wing; trying to pull me in closer, but I politely declined.
“So Phoenix, what cutie mark do you hope to get?” the gryphon asked causing me to blink for a moment in surprise at that thought. A cutie mark? Oddly enough I hadn't really thought about it before. Though I guess that made sense, I never really considered myself to have a passion or calling. Not to say I was a complete talentless hack. I could do a few things here and some basic manual labor there, but I just never felt a calling to do anything. A fact that hadn't even changed since I arrived in Equestria. Maybe it was a human disposition of generalization that didn't translate well to equestrian logic. But on the other hand I knew people who would easily just as well define themselves to one talent back on earth.
“I don't know.” I truthfully replied causing a smile to crack across the gryphons beak.
“Ey. In a world of possibility sometimes it's hard to pick one, but I'm sure it'll come to you.” The mare gave a quick nod of agreement to this. Though the two disputations became discouraged when I gave a simple shrug at the concept of my cutie mark.
“Well! Phoenix has her whole life ahead of her,” Virulent interjected, “and she’ll have plenty of time to think on it.” Though based on the mare’s look she didn't seem entirely convinced about that sentiment. Unfortunately her concern would only seems to grow as the conversation went on.
As the group's conversation went on, the Grey-Feathers', more specifically Mrs.Grey-Feather's, concerns with Phoenix seemed to mount. The filly seemed to just stone wall every attempt they had made. Causing her to request a “grown up” talk with Virulent Lesson mid way through the meeting.
Phoenix gave an understanding bob of the head before they left the room; heading for their arts and crafts meeting. The group waited for the door to close before looking back at one another. For a long moment they sat in total silent, leaving the room heavy with a sense unease. Most of which came from Mrs.Grey-feather. An uneasiness Virulent Lesson picked up on, causing him to set down his pen with a sigh to break the thick silince.
“Listen,” Virulent Lesson began,” I know Phoenix can be… Difficult to talk to, and that she's not your average filly," Even by our standards he added in thought. "But she is a good kid.” Which by his accounts was the truth. Well if the idea of good was solely based on the fact she never caused trouble. Though he could say that about most of, if not all, the children under his care. They said their yes ma'ams and no sirs; cleaned up after themselves and did as they were told. Unfortunately, being left by their parents tended to have adverse effects on foals' personalities. Causing all sorts of odd quirks and habits. SOME FILLIES, just happened to be more adversely affected than others.
“I’m sorry,” Mrs.Grey-feather began, ”But I don’t know if she’d be a good fit for our home.” She felt a bit cruel for the comment. She knew it wasn't the fillies fault she ended up that way and for that reason she couldn't really blame her. Yet she was nothing like the daughter she envisioned. She wanted a filly she could gush too and spend quality mother daughter time with. Unfortunately Phoenix was anything but that. She was reserved and became uncomfortable from even the slightest attempt at getting to know her better. Mrs.Grey-Feather knew she shouldn't have pressed her hopes for the ideal foal on Phoenix, it wasn't fair to the filly, but given she and her husband couldn't have a foal of their own, she just couldn't stop think of how wonderful it would have been to have such a filly. One that gushed about her school day hugged her mouther good night and let her be tucked to bed.
“Maybe, you have some creature else?” Mr. Grey-feather asked as he gently rubbed his wife's side in a comforting fashion. Virulent Lesson gave a slow tired nod as he began to go through his drawer for other filly's files. Maybe he could get them back around to Phoenix, he hoped.
Meanwhile a few yards down the hallway, a room softly hummed as cloud grinded against cloud in a magical form of art. The room itself was nothing special, at least for those whom could fly. The room was a cloud poetry area which itself was relatively primitive and confined compared to other rooms. The pottery room itself was connected adjacently to the main art room through a narrow, unintuitive doorway in the back.
The Pottery area served to let foals to express themselves with art and relieve stress in a more hooves on medium, than traditional paper or canvas. However due to the room's tiny size and location only a handful of children could ever find themselves in there at once. Today only one creature found themselves in there; that being Starling.
He sat near the center of the dinky room; slowly lowering his talons to a small cloud poetry wheel. His claws guided themselves round the pottery; shaping it into an abstract figure. The feeling of cloud grind away against talon caused the tiniest beginnings of a grin to formulate across the base of his beak. Though it was not because he enjoyed what he was making. But rather it was the process itself that infatuated him. It let him enter a trance-like state of zen, in which his body moved itself while his mind simply thought. Sometimes it came to peace with nothing, other times it struggled to grasp the concept of infinity. Oftentimes though it was something mundane and in between the two extremes. Today it wondered where Phoenix had been. She was supposed to meet him here almost ten minutes ago and yet she was nowhere to be seen.
While normally he wasn't one for punctuality himself, the whole reason he was here right now was for her; causing the young gryphon to become mild irritated. This irritation that was only made worse by the fact he didn't even really want to help the filly. Not that he had anything personally against her, other than making the lovely bug that was Carapace have an anxiety attack, he just didn't want to deal with her baggage of issues. She was a maelstrom of drama and stress. So he reasoned: why should they deal with it, especially when it was just stressing Carapace out. After all, the filly didn't even want help. She insisted she could handle it herself. Unfortunately when Carapace had come pleading to them with her wide heartbroken eyes, his resistance melted away and he caved in to her plea.
At some point during his thoughts his ears picked up on the gentle crunch of hooves approaching; causing him to look up. To his surprise the filly of the hour had finally decided to show up.
“I was beginning to think you skipped,” Starling hesitantly commented before he let the spinning blur of clouds re-encapsulate his vision’s full attention.
“Sorry, Virulent Lesson wanted to see me for an adoption interview.” The filly explained as she took a seat at the edge of the room. This answer had caught Star off guard; in fact it nearly made him lose control of the wheel as his body reeled back in surprise. Within an instant he snapped his attention back to Phoenix. His eyes carrying a look of disbelief and curiosity. The reaction seemed to puzzle Phoenix causing her to shoot him an questioning glance of her own in return.
“Sorry,” he replied before taking back control of the wheel, “It's just we don't see a whole lot of those.” He explained before shooting her another questioning look about the interview, trying to prod more information out of her.
“If you’re trying to ask how it went, it went poorly. At least I think so. ” Star’s head slowly nodded at the confirmation. That was about what he had expected to hear. Not only because that's how all the adoption meetings went, at least the ones he knew of, but also because of the filly’s, in question, personality.
“Well, don't let it rattle you too bad. I'm sure they loved you,” he assured; hoping to alleviate some of the uneasiness Phoenix may have had. But Phoenix only gave her iconic indifferent shrug without a further comment. Typical… he initially thought with a sigh. While normally being left to just quietly mold the cloud wouldn't bother him, he knew the fit Carapace would have, and the frustration the head stallion would have if he didn’t try and talk to her. So he tried again.
“You know if you-” He was cut off by the filly preemptively shaking her head.
“Listen, I don’t really care about this adoption nonsense.” Starling blinked in surprise at that statement as his mind struggled to reason what could cause any creature to say that, especially a pony. He knew that the filly was strange, but to not even want a home? It made him wonder just how jaded she must have been. Assuming what she said was true of course and not just a coping mechanism that was. He thought his folks dumping him with no explanation was bad. But even he still hoped for the prospect of a family again.
The rest of the two’s time was much the same, Starling would try and start a conversation of some kind, only for Phoenix to shoot it down. It made him start to wonder how any creature put up with this. It was like dealing with a stone wall, if that stone wall would slap one across the face for so much as trying to talk to it. Needless to say his efforts were fruitless. Thankfully their confinement together had drawn to a close. Phoenix, without missing a beat, made her way to the exit, only for her to be stopped by Starling with one last comment.
“You know. Don't have to deal with everything on your own,” he irritably informed her, not knowing what else to say to the stone wall filly.
“No offense, Starling, and I mean this in the most literal sense, none of you could even come close to understanding or helping. My problems are just too…” she paused in thought, “Alien?” she finished before leaving.
“You-!” He began before sighing in defeat as the filly had left. Maybe she was right, maybe her problems were different. Every creature here’s problems were unique in some way after all. And maybe she was right; they couldn't fully relate if at all, to what happened to her. But to say no creature could help. He wasn't completely convinced. He knew first claw that having others helped with anything. Sure maybe they couldn't heal your wound, or save your broken family, but they could carry some of that burden for you and that was reason enough, in his mind, to let others in. His time here was proof enough of that. If not for Carapace being there at his side when he arrived, he was pretty sure he would have lost his own mind over his sudden abandonment.
Then again on second thought, with how irritably stonewalled that pony was he knew that he couldn't solve her issues. Maybe even no pony could. In fact, he wasn't even quite sure he wanted to help after that exchange. Who would with how stand offish and cold she could be.
Fortunately, I was on time for my next arranged meeting-thing. Meaning no creature gave me any odd looks or tried to, at least initially, start up any conversations with me. Which Allowed me to simply be, as I took a seat near the entrance of the room.
Speaking of which, the room itself was somehow more barren than the pottery room despite being only a bit bigger and having more creatures inside. As It only had two shelves, with a couple dozen books on them, and one of those childish motivation posters along the far wall. It looked more akin to a kid’s bedroom than, what I presumed was the orphanage’s equivalent of, a library. Even with the couple dozen foals who now filled it, it still felt barren. In Fact they could have comfortably fit another two shelves in here, even more if they got rid of what appeared to be the reading space.
Well that was until Teratorn finally came in. His larger figure, especially when he laid down with his wings outstretched, took up almost a fifth of the room's remaining space. I had known he was large, not just for his age but race too, however seeing him like that made me finally realize just how freakishly large he actually was. Most of the time he sat back with a notable slouch, keeping his wings tucked away and when walking he typically skulked back from the group, making an actual size comparison impossible. Even when he helped with Albatross, he stood with a hunch and wings folded in. But like this, his full intimidating size was on display. The closest I could compare his colossal size to was the barbary lion, with the wingspan of a pelican. If you’ve ever seen one of those creatures up close, then you know the kind of absurd proportions I'm talking about. To say the size was intimidating was an understatement. It was absolutely terrifying. The only thing that scared me more was the thought that he was only going to get bigger. Thankfully, I had some peace of mind from the fact that I knew this force of nature was peaceful; maybe even to a fault. While I didn't have anything to scale him to, I’d wager he was probably near eight feet long and probably around five feet in height. While his wingspan was nearly nine feet. For reference, most of his fellow gryphons around the orphanage were maybe only two thirds his body size and about half that in wingspan and most of the other creatures, ponies especially, were even smaller than that. This terrifying visage wasn't helped by the fact his upper half looked like something between a vulture and a raven, with a deep blackish purple plumage and an elongated beak with a slight hook at the end, perfect for picking flesh from bone.
For a second I wondered if the room was so barren just to accommodate his size when paired with the rest of the book club. Which seemed like a real possibility given how little space there seemed to be now. Especially after the others started to get comfortable and laid their things out. In fact, there was nowhere I could comfortably sit or lay down now. Thankfully my space next to the door was still relatively unoccupied by any creature else.
“Glad you could join us Phoenix.” Teratorn greeted, causing the other creatures to greet me with a mixed reaction. Most of whom gave a pleasant and inviting smile while the rest shot me glares and glances of disapproval. As if I was some heathen violating their holy space. Though in some ways, maybe that disdain was mutual. It's not like it was my choice to be here or to be cowed up next to them all. Then again I guess it isn’t their fault either… I reminded myself.
“Uh, hey.” I greeted back; shrugging off the looks of the other members, whether they be good or bad.
“You actually joined our club at a really advantageous time. We’re about to start our new book today. Well tomorrow actually, today is just the pre read discussion,” he beamed before his face contorted into one of contemplation while a frown formed across his beak, “That does leave us with a new predicament however now that I'm thinking about it.“
“That being?” I inquired, hoping that maybe I wouldn't have to participate. Not that I dislike reading, quite the contrary actually. It was just my interest in books were very hit or miss, that combined with the fact I’d rather not be stuffed in a room full of foals, left me on airing the side of hesitation.
“We lack enough copies, and Mr.Lesson already went out and bought the amount of books I specified. Hmm…” Tertorne stopped for a moment as his talon taped the base of his beak before opening it up again to say, “Oh well, you can borrow my print. I typically read a few chapters ahead between group discussions anyway.”
“There really is no need, I’ll be fine,” I assured; still reluctant to read a children's book especially with a bunch of foals. Though at the same time, given Tertorne’s vocabulary and choice of books there was a chance the book wasn't what I had thought it would be, but I doubted that. Especially given the average child around here's reasoning skills.
“Oh there's no need to be concerned Phoenix,” He insisted, “It’s really no sweat off my back. I'm sure you’ll be gripped from cover to end! In fact, it’s so good that It’s the first time in club history we had a unanimous vote for a book.” While I’m sure that was meant to excite me, it didn't. Mostly given to the fact that I had no context of this group’s reading ability and preference in reading materials. It did however peek a small amount of curiosity inside me. So I took the bait.
“And what book may that be?”
“Veil of Shadows!” He proclaimed. That sounds like some DnD nonsense I internally remarked.
“What exactly is that?”
“A tragedy about a unicorn's descent into the dark arts to try and save the mare he loved. Which ultimately results in the total destruction of everything he cherished.”
“Isn't that a bit… Dark, for a foal’s book?” To which Teratorn gave a shrug.
“It does dip into the horror genre a bit I suppose, but overall it's just more so dramatic like any good tragedy. It's also an epochal tale cautioning readers to resist one's darker impulses and come to accept things as they happen through deep and real introspection rather than try and fight or ignore it.” I gave the gryphon a sideways glance of skepticism, at least for the bits of that analysis I did understand.
“I just like fiction,” another foal chimed in, which sounded more in line with what I expected. Though to be fair, this was Teratorn I was talking about, not like he was exactly your average kid mentality or physically. Which caused me to wonder if whatever he had, accelerated his mental state just as much as his physical.
“Ahem, well that was the reason for my vote anyway…” Tertorn explained as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head with an embarrassed grin. The look forced a slight chuckle out of me, as the timid look just stood in such sharp contrast to his otherwise physically intimidating demeanor. It gave him an impression of something more akin to a goofy looking, mastiff than a fearsome, apex, predator of the sky. In the end though, I’m not entirely sure why that of all things got a smile out of me. But I won't look a gift horse in the mouth, as it was a nice moment of reprieve nonetheless. The brief outburst did however cause Teratorn to nervously shoot me a questioning look as if to ask if he had done something wrong.
“Phoenix are you feeling, um, well?” He questioned with a palpable level of concern.
“I’m fine,” I assured with a shake of my head and a wave of my hoof as I took a moment to compose myself.
The rest of the group meeting had gone without further incident. Teratorn also finally convened Phoenix, albeit begrudgingly, to read the book. At least part of it anyway. Resulting in Teratorn having the club start pre reading discussions without them while he explained to Phoenix the clubs basis rules and regulations. Without Teratorn however the discussion quickly drifted off course, forcing the gryphon to split his attention between the two. Which ultimately resulted in a lackluster meeting and, in his mind, a poor first impression to the club. Though he still insisted to Phoenix, to not let this deter them from the wonders of book club. As the meeting came to an end Phoenix saw her way out, as a few of the foals pulled Teratorn to the side.
“We don’t really have to let her in do we,” a filly whined.
“We do actually, Mr. Virulent Lesson said so.” His answer caused the small group to give a groan of protest.
“Well couldn't you like, ask him to remove her or something?” another pleaded.
“May I ask what the issue with Phoenix is?”
“SHE THINKS SHE'S BETTER THAN EVERYCREATURE ELSE.” a colt bemoaned.
“And it's kinda annoying,” another added.
“I get she isn't the most sociable pony-” Teratorn began before being promptly cut off.
“Try, not social at all! It's like she saw Princess Twilight’s lesson and spat and stomped all over them; then had a party when she buried them,” the same colt huffed. Teratorn nervously looked over the agitated swarm of foals; worried they’d mob him, or worse leave the club, if he didn’t give the answer they wanted. At the same time however he promised Carapace and Ribbon he’d help and Virulent lesson explicitly told him he was to help. But It wasn’t like upset members were wrong, the filly did have a tendency to give every creature she met the cold shoulder and he understood how that could get under their skins. Though he wasn’t sure where the superiority issue came from, so choosing his next sentence carefully he decided to ask. Hoping he may be able to defuse some of their frustration.
“What does she do that makes you feel inferior?”
“She acts like we're just a bunch of annoying foals,” a filly whined; looking as if she were on the verge of tears, “I-Im not annoying though. Am I?” her voice trembled a bit with the last bit as she struggled to maintain her composure. To which one of the other foals gave her a comforting hug.
Teratorn uneasily shifted from side to side as he retreated back into his normal defensive slouched position, which was more akin to something like a cowering dog. His upper chest lowered just enough to cover his more vulnerable underside and his legs crouching down just a bit to make himself both look smaller and be ready to spring away at a moment's notice. He felt as though he was treading on thin ice with their request and worse yet he couldn’t just give them what they wanted like usual but he had to do something. He was the club's founder and president after all.
“I’ll do what I can,” he vaguely assured. Hoping the promises would at least alleviate some of their frustration. Thankfully, it did and soon after the group made their way out. Teratorn sat down and let out a relieved sigh to have avoided that bullet, at least for now. In the meantime he needed to figure out a solution to his seemingly impossible dilemma. After taking a moment to gain his composure he saw his way out.
Maybe If I could somehow convince Phoenix to roll it back a bit? he thought to himself as he wandered the halls on his way back to his bed.
His head hung low with all the weight of his situation; forcing him to stare at the floor. That was till he unfortunately bumped into Phoenix, much earlier than he would have liked. He knew he shouldn't have been shocked though. They did share the same dorm room along with Starling. But that didn't stop his head from shooting up in surprise nonetheless all while his mind skid to a halt. He tried to figure out what to say to the gloomy filly, unfortunately everything that came to mind was just blank.
“I- uh oh hey Phoenix! Listen I just wanted to ask something, if you don't mind.” He winced as he brought up asking a question, something he knew the filly hated, but he had to force himself to say something and bite the bullet before he chickened out all together. Phoenix rubbed her head a bit and with a reluctant sigh of disapproval answered.
“Ask away…”
“R-really?”
“Creatures have been pressing me all day and honestly I’m too tired now to try and argue. So the faster you ask the faster we can move on, yea?” Teratorn blinked a bit at the filly’s compliance. He wondered for a second if Mr.Virulent Lesson’s plan was actually working out before shaking his head. Focus, he scowled himself before taking a long shaky breath.
“It's more of a request actually, now that I think about it. I was wondering, if maybe you could,” his body started to tense back a bit afraid how the filly would react to what he asked next, “act a bit more….chipper?” Phoenix gave him a look that he couldn't quite discern but it definitely had negative feelings about it.
“I mean just for the book club members at least? Some of them just… Feel like you hate them and it's upsetting them. “
“So what? You want me to go around hugging them?”
“N-nothing like that,” he assured in a panicked tone, “I just mean, maybe, not looking like you'd rather be anywhere else but there?” The filly mewled over the comment for a long few moments, not giving any physical indication of how she'd answer.
“Fine,” the pony curtly answered, causing the weight on Teratorn's body to immediately evaporate.
”You will?”
“I’m not heartless, and the club clearly means a lot to you. Plus I’m being forced to go anyway…” she grumbled, ”So I’ll TRY and not upset the other foals.” It wasn't a promise but he knew it was the closest he'd get. Now he just had to convince the other foals to give her one more chance.
“Thank you, It means a lot to me Phoenix!“
“Yea yea,” the filly grumpily replied as she rubbed her head.
“You know Phoenix, despite it all and even with what may have happened to you, you're a good filly at heart. Even if it's sometimes hard to see that past the gloom.” he light heartedly joked.
“Save it, I don’t like platitudes. Plus I only ended up here because of my own mistakes.”
“Hu? What do you mean?”
“I mean I only ended up here because I made a terrible choice.”
“I don’t quite follow, could you maybe elaborate?” The filly leaned back her head a bit in annoyance, seemingly more so with herself than him.
“Sorry, you don't have to answer that,” he quickly retracted.
“No, I already opened my stupid trap might as well finish it. The best way to put it is…” The filly stopped with a sigh as her eyes glanced to the window as if looking for an answer. But after a long few minutes of awkward silence she came up with nothing.
“sorry…”
“It’s okay. You don't need to finish that. Sorry for pushing you about it.” Phoenix gave a grateful nod as she continued to glance out the window. Though despite her response she didn't quite feel fully there as if her mind were somewhere else.
“You know though, you shouldn't blame yourself. Sometimes life just happens and the correct choices aren't always so clear. I mean when I arrived at Wings of Care all I did was blame myself.” The comment caused Phoenix to slowly turn her head back to the gryphon with a curious expression.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, I guess we never really talked before, so you wouldn’t know why I’m here. “
“No I don't,” she confirmed.
“Well it's not really a secret but I suffer from gigantism. In layman's terms It's a rare disorder in which my body doesn't know when to stop growing. So as a result I’m just kinda always getting bigger.”
“Okay, but how's that your fault,” Phoenix interrupted.
“Because that is just the context for what caused me to get sent here,” Teratorn explained,” Due to it I’ve always been a bigger kid as you can imagine. Like a lot bigger. So much so that by my fifth birthday I was double the size of my older brother, who was only hatched a week sooner mind you. Speaking of my birthday, it was my fifth birthday when I crushed him…” he paused to look over at the terrified gaze of Phoenix, it was about the same look every creature gave him when he said that. It was a look he hated, it reminded him of how he felt when he learned just what he did to his brother. A gigantic monster. Too big and stupid too control himself. He let out a long sigh as he took a second to quash the thoughts and continue,
“Before you get the wrong idea, I-I didn't kill him but I did permanently paralyze him from the neck down. We were just playing around but I was too young and stupid to understand my parents warnings to play gentle. So when I tackled him, there was a loud crunch. The next thing I knew, there was a howl of pain as my parents swiftly yanked me off and put me to the side so they looked him over. After that events become a bit of a blur, but at some point my parents knew they couldn’t raise something like me and they couldn't afford magic treatment to fix me either. Especially with my brother's new medical bills... So they made the logical choice and handed me over to the state. The next thing I knew I was crying myself to bed in this place.”
“I’m sorry,” Phoenix began before Teratorn dismissed her sympathy with a wave of his claw.
“It’s alright Carapace, Starling, Red Ribbon and Zeal have already helped me overcome all that.”
“It doesn't sound like you’ve moved on.”
“I guess you’re right, I haven't, not entirely anyway,” he admitted, ”But I have learned to remind myself that it was an accident and that despite it all, there's three creatures at my back who will always support me. That no matter how grey the skies may get I can entrust them to help me weather through the toughest storm.”
“Sounds like you found yourself quite the lucky find.” The reply garnered a chuckle from the gryphon causing him to give an amused nod of agreement.
“Indeed I have found myself quite the treasure. Though, I’m not opposed to making that hoard a bit bigger. But that requires mutual trust and dependence.”
Later that evening, Virulent Lesson dropped down a small, vanilla colored, folder that was stuffed to the brim with various paper work on his desk; with a sigh he rubbed his temples. His head ached with stress from his abnormally busy day and worse yet it was starting to get to the point that it felt like his head might explode into thousands of smaller pieces. It wouldn't, not litterialy anyway, but part of him wished it would just so it would end the near unbearable throbbing in his head. Unfortunately for him he still had more to do tonight.
Just one more meeting he thought to himself. Though it wasn't Phoenix’s, that meeting had concluded a while ago. This one was with another certain group of foals in his care. To his left he heard the familiar chime of his office clock followed by its, borderline obnoxious, click clack; causing him to move his gaze from the file work on his desk and towards it. The clock had just struck seven in the evening causing him to let out a groan of disapproval in a fruitless attempt to alleviate some of the building pressure in his head.
“Where are those five,” he muttered to himself as he tapped his table impatiently. Normally a few foals running late didn’t stress him out, but with his head in the state it was in, he just wanted to get his day over with. Thankfully he wouldn't have to wait much longer, as he could hear the encroaching footsteps of a small herd outside his office door. Virulent Lesson took a sharp, deep breath to try and calm his nerves, before taking out his quill and notepad just as the knock on his door came.
“Come in!” He called; a smile crossed his muzzle as the five creatures walked in. While he was annoyed with their tardiness, he nevertheless held a firm joy in seeing the foals in his care; which helped ease some of the aching in his head.
“Sorry we’re late Mr. Lesson. We were-” Carapace began before Virulent lesson quited her with a wave of his hoof.
“It is quite alright,” He assured with a friendly, but tired grin; hoping to alleviate any worry the group might have had.
“If I may say, you don’t seem alright,” Starling rebutted as he studied the pegasus’ overly worked demeanor.
“Yea you look super sleepy Lesson- OW! What was that for Ribbon?” Zeal irritably demanded.
“He's the head stallion! treat him with respect,” she hissed quietly into his ear. The two’s squabble managed to garner an amused chuckle out of Virulent Lesson.
“It’s quite alright Red Ribbon. But please do refrain from hitting your brother.”
“Sorry sir,” the filly lowered her head in an ashamed manner.
“Again it's okay. In any case your brother is right I just am rather tired tonight. It has been a long day for me and a lot of paperwork, that ultimately seem to be for nothing.” Virulent lesson let out a disappointed sigh as the last of the words escaped his mouth. He had hoped for a better outcome but unfortunately it seemed no creature would be adopted and it also meant all the paperwork he had prepped meant nothing.
“I-Is it because of the adoption couple who came in?” Carapace asked; causing Virulent Lesson to questioningly arch his brow.
“Partly yes,” He cautiously began, “But who told you we had a potential adoption family today?”
“Oh! Um sorry, Starling told me,” she answered; causing the room's attention to fall on him.
“Phoenix told me when she came in for art,” Starling explained.
“Really she told you that?”
“Yea. It's not like she's a mute. Though I get the feeling sometimes she wishes she was.” Starling scratched his head a bit as he thought back to his conversation with the strange filly.
“I know. I’m just surprised she brought it up to you is all.”
“Well it wasn't like she just started talking out of the blue. She just brought it up as her reason for being late.”
“Ah, I see. Well in any case, I’d like to officially ask you five’s half of the story today. Especially since Phoenix was sketchy on… Everything.”
“Well, she laughed for some reason,” Teratron began, “She also agreed to try and be less moody for the book club.” This had caused Virulent Lesson to do a double take just to make sure he had heard the gryphon correctly.
“Really now? While that's wonderful to hear,” he praised, “Oh and before I forget, here.” Virulent lesson handed the gryphon a medium sized book with a peculiar cover that looked as though it were a face. Though the thing shared more in common with a grimoire than a book.
“I-” the gryphon gave a befuddled blink, “when did you get an extra copy of Veil of Shadows?”
“Well since Phoenix was joining you, I had one of my assistances run out and get an extra copy today. Do make sure that gets to her by the way. I would have done it during our meeting today but it slipped my mind at the time.” Tertatorn gave a quick nod before tucking the book under his wing for safe keeping. After letting Teratorn refocus his attention back on him, Virulent lesson looked back to the group of foals as a whole and asked:
“Anycreature else have any luck?”
“Well, I don’t know if it's exactly news to you but,” Star began, “I think I’m starting to get an idea for why Phoenix is so…” he paused to search for a kinder way to put his words before finally coming up with, “Distant.” This answer also got a notable curious glance from the Head stallion. He had his own theories on her reclusive behavior but he was curious to hear the grey gryphon’s proposal nonetheless.
“I think she doesn't trust us-”
“No shocker there,” Zeal interrupted; nearly earning him another slug in the shoulder from his sister.
“Let me finish. I mean she doesn't trust us in the sense that we’d be able to help.” This answer kept Virulent Lesson's attention. While that had been one of his own ideas, hearing some creature else, especially Starling, made him pay particular attention to that possibility.
“What makes you say that,” Lesson asked as he jotted down the two gryphon’s accounts in his notepad.
“Well, she had mentioned her problems were too different for us to even understand. “
“Anything else she commented on that caught your attention?”
“Not really. I guess she commented that she didn't really want a family, but that's not terribly surprising given she's a loner type anyway.”
“I’ll make note of it regardless. Now then what about you two,” he asked as he looked up to the twins while he wrote.
“You took her out before we even started our game,” Zeal answered; causing the head stallion to bite the back of his quill in thought.
“Hmm, I guess you’re right. Well then how about you then Carapace?” The changeling however remained silent as she looked at the ground; kicking her hoof awkwardly.
“No then?”
“S-sorry sir…”
“There's no need to be sorry Carapace,” Lesson reassured in the gentlest tone he could muster,” I’m not expecting changes overnight. Nor am I holding you at fault for something that's ultimately dependent on Phoenix.”
“It's just-” She began before Lesson cut her off again, more sternly this time.
“No buts about it. It takes time for you to see the results of your labor.” Though his words didn’t comfort Carapace. In the back of her mind, somewhere, she knew he was right, but it hurt when it seemed like everything she was trying didn't work. Though as she wallowed in her own self pity a friendly nudge to her side got her to look up.
“You're alright,” Starling assured. She tried to give him a thankful smile in return but all she could muster was an anguished sigh. Virulent Lesson shook his head at the sight before exhale sigh of his own.
“I wouldn't have you five helping Phoenix if I thought any one of you wouldn’t be able to help,” The head stallion interrupted, “So on that note do you know why I chose you five to begin with?”
“Because you needed creatures to make sure she actually did as she was asked and we already happened to know her, ” Carapace guessed with her head still hanging low while Starling wrapped his wing around her in comfort; the other three giving the nymph a few pitiful looks all wanting to say something but Virulent Lesson spoke first.
“You’re partly correct,” he replied, “but there's more to it than that. For instance I chose Teratorn because she needs something that will force her to be involved in larger group activities. But I didn't want to overwhelm her with the discomfort of too much talking and socializing when she isn't ready or willing. So she needed something with a lot of down time. But I also needed it to be something that would help direct her thoughts and keep that mind of hers sharp. Teratorn’s book club was the best match. So make sure she at least gets to know her fellow members Teratron. But do so slowly, I don't want her overwhelmed.” The larger gryphon gave a quick nod of understanding before Virulent Lesson continued.
“I wanted Starling because of his attention to detail. He picks up on things most creatures, myself included, might brush off. So my hope is through art he may be able to pick up on Phoenix’s creations. After all, art is a reflection of the soul and is the best insight we may have since she won't tell us. Plus it should provide her a way to vent herself in a positive and productive way. Having said that this means you need to stop slacking and make sure she actually participates Starling. I don't want her just sitting in the corner of the room.” The head stallion warned with a slight glare. This caused the smaller gryphon to tense up and quickly nod in understanding.
“Yes sir, sorry sir.”
“Good, now then where was I?... Right, Phoenix also needed something to occupy her physically so she doesn't just sit inside all day. Zeal and Red Ribbon already being my most active and outdoorsy foals, made that a no brainer. The two also excel at pushing and motivating others which is a nice benefit. Now that doesn't mean antagonize her again,” the head stallion added as he glanced at Zeal. This caused a slight smirk to cross Ribbon’s muzzle, which Lesson picked up on; making him turn his head towards the filly.
“Encouraging her with simple upbeat words isn't enough either, as she is likely just going to ignore it and do the bare minimum. This means you are going to have to try new things, like challenging her. While in many ways that's a tall order, between the two of you I’m sure you can find the right balance. This is why you are a duo in this regard.” The head stallion cleared his throat as he turned to Carapace who looked at him expertly.
She was nervous to say the least. All her friends had been chosen because of the talents they possessed, but for herself she had nothing they didn't already have in spades. She didn’t have the energy to keep up with Zeal and Ribbon, the wit of Starling or the raw intellect of Teratorn and that showed. After all she was just assigned to see Phoenix to her meals and to show her around.
“Carapace,” the head stallion's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, “ I chose you to spend the most time with her because you are the most empathetic creature in this whole place. Not only because of being, well, a changeling, but also because you're kind.”
“I um, thank you but.. B-but I don’t really follow.” Virulent Lesson rubbed his temple again before replying.
“This is all to say you are the only creature who I think can put up with how callous Phoenix can be, while still wanting to help her. That's why I want you around her more than anycreature else. Because if any creature has the dedication to see this through for Phoenix's well being, it's you Carapace.” The nymph shifted in mixed emotions at the vote of confidence unsure what to say or how to respond, thankfully she didn't as the four other creatures descended upon her in a group hug of sorts, though it more so resembled a mosh pit.
“He's right. None of us would even be here in this room if not for you.” Staling assured.
“You were the one who didn’t give up on us when we came in so there's no reason to stop now.” Teratron added while the twins giggled in agreement.
“I was absolutely distraught and consumed in my own melancholy after I injured my brother. I felt like a monster and for a long time that's all I thought of myself as. Yet despite that you sat at my side every day, talked with me, helped me find a passion in reading; reminding me that I wasn’t a monster. Instead I was just a griffon who made mistakes and my mistakes were not what defines me. Just like you shouldn't let your doubt define you.”
“If not for you, I would have been lost. I still remember how heartbroken I felt when my family just went and left me here out of the blue. I felt worthless and alone, and yet you came like a bright light and sat with me. Never leaving me alone and reminding me at the very least I mattered to you. It was you who helped carry me out of my slump, no creature else. I don't even have words to even begin to describe how important that was for me. I say this because it's that same drive to help others and that helped me that will help Phoenix!” Starling added with a wide sentimental smile.
“Plus you were the only creature that would put up with us when we arrived,” Zeal continued.
“Put up with you,” Ribbon corrected, “they just didn't like me because I defended your stupidity.” Zeal laughed a bit at this and shrugged with a grin. “Anyway, what he's trying to say is, we can be a bit.. Too intense for some creatures and that meant we didn't make a lot of friends. Despite that though you went through with it and still hung around with us.” Carapce felt her cheeks grow warm at their support. She wanted to thank them but she choked; unable to even get a word out. So instead she mouthed them a silent thank you.
Virulent watched the scene with a small smile before leaning in his back in his chair. He let the group get everything out of their system before dismissing them for the night. His earlier headache now eroding away; leaving him with the comforting assurance that Phoenix would be in good hooves. No, the best hooves. Together the group would help Phoenix just as they helped themselves.
The bright morning sun came in, unobscured through the windows; down into the cafeteria. All in all it was a relatively quiet evening which was a nice change of pace. It gave me time to sit and retreat into my mind and escape Equestria as well as the position I found myself in.
For a brief moment I found myself back on Earth, but more importantly outside my old house, well my mom’s house. The landscape was quickly becoming dark as the onset of a familiar spring storm began to set in and roll over the rural flatland. Its sweeping winds easily knocked over anything that wasn't nailed to the ground, and sometimes even things that were too. It's dark figure seemed to absorb what little light the street lamps struggled to provide; making it near impossible to make heads or tails of my surroundings. The rain only supported this complete denervation of my sight, as its downpour was like a heavy and thick paint plastering itself over everything as if it were a blank canvas.
The sound was little better. It came down with all the oppressive force of a raging waterfall. Every pellet was like a gunshot; deafening out even my own thoughts into its hypnotic white noise. The wind was the only thing that dared try and stand against the monstrous noise of the waters. Its faint howl whispered ever so quietly to my ears like a lover. When the two noises combined however they went from garbled monstrous noises to a clear harmonic melody. They sung in tandem for what felt like an eternity. Their voices comparable with that of the angels’ in heaven finest hymns.
Within seconds its heavy waters devoured the lower landscape, drawing my street under their dark and unknowing waters. This new visual distortion mixed with the rapid flooding made the world alien. Though maybe uncanny was more apt.
As it still had a metaphysical sense of ‘homeyness’ but it was also some perverted distortion of it at the same time. An unfathomable paradox of familiarity and complete alienation all in one image. Yet whereas one might describe such a visage as unnerving for myself it was relaxing stepping back into the storm of my youth.
But this paradoxical set of auroras were not the only ones that radiated from the storm… Nor even the strongest of them. That honor went to an indescribable sense of hunger from deep within the depths of the rain’s inky blackness. A hunger that threatened to consume everything in this world. This gluttonous beast however was not scary as one might expect. Even when its danger and raw power was: unfathomable, irresistible, and unstoppable…
It greeted me with a comforting familiarity but not like the one earlier but not entirely unlike it either. It was a familiarity all the same but unlike the one I'd received upon seeing my home, this was something more akin to an old acquaintance. Regardless, familiarity was a luxury that I sorely lacked in Equestria. A luxury that I missed. I didn’t want this reality I found myself in and would take anything else. Even if it was a gross prevention of the emotion, it was still comforting. The hunger took full advantage of this and sold me my missing comfort. It told me it would be better than anything Equestria could offer. All I needed to do was just step forward and out into its hungry waters and let it-...
I nearly took the offer but before I could sink into its tangible darkness someone yanked me back into the hell that was Equestria. I let out a slight groan as I hunched over the Lunch table hooves covering my face. So close, I bitterly lamented as I tried to block out the bright sunshine coming in. That's when I felt the hoof on my shoulder again shake me.
“Um, P-Phoenix. Lunch is almost over and...” Carapace began.
“I know… I know,” I let out a sigh as I slowly rose back up shaking my head; still covering my eyes from the sun’s illuminating light, “I’ll get a move on to the courtyard.”
“Well that's the thing,” Carapace replied as she used her magic to gently brush my hair back into place for me and let some of the light slip in through my defenses, “I was wondering if well… Maybe you'd like to do something else.” This got a reaction out of me as I immediately raised my brow to this uncharacteristic boldness.
“Zeal and Red Ribbon are busy anyway, and so I was wondering if maybe you might want to learn how to uh, fly.” Her face turned a pale embarrassed green after giving her offer.
“I’m not the best flyer, maybe even the weakest in the whole place, but I still know how so I just wanted to, you know, offer a chance to learn.”
“Isn’t Virulent lesson going to be upset if I'm skipping recreational stuff?” I countered.
“Uh well no. I already asked and it's still a good way to exercise. So he approved. I-if you accept of course. Which you should, it would be a worthwhile experience after all.” I leaned back with a slightly agitated sigh. On one hand, hoof, I would love to learn how to soar amongst the clouds. On the other hand, I didn’t really like the idea of being taught, it made me feel like a child. It was something I'd rather have figured out on my own. Yet all the same it probably wasn't something I could learn on my own.
I mused the thought for a few minutes, nearly declining the offer before remembering that this at least meant I wouldn’t have to deal with the kids from the twin’s games. So I begrudgingly accepted her offer. To which the ling’ gave a seemingly happy noise that was somewhere between a chirp, a click and a buzz. It was mildly amusing as it sounded like a giddy child, which I guess she was, struggling for words amidst their excitement. Or maybe it was changeling speech.
“I promise we’ll get you flying in no time… Well sometime, just that I promise to make it quick I mean. As quick as I can I mean!” She quickly got up; levitating our trays up and away to put them up.
“Hey! I wasn't done with that,” I protested trying to get a hold of my half eaten food again.
“You never finish,” she argued.
“I was going to… this time…”
“Well then eat it on the way out. I know a good spot for practice, but it gets crowded pretty quickly so we have to hurry.”
Not sure if her excited side is more or less obnoxious than her nervous side… I thought as she held my meal hostage. Though admittedly her more excited and playful mood did manage to crack a slight bemused smile in the corner of my muzzle. There was something about it that was just contagious in a way that's hard to describe. Or was it changeling mind control? That latter through petrified me. Hooves crossed I guess for the prior?
Outside was just as clear and sunny as it was inside. Well as clear as a city made of clouds could be that is. The sun beamed down with just enough warmth to ebb off the chill of winter. While the light hid away all the shadows. In some ways it was refreshing, but personally for me anything below scorching heat was too cold for my liking. Though at least the brightness was close enough to the south Texas sun.
As Carapace got ready I took my time to examine the open skies once more. They were a bright blue that allowed one to see for seemingly ever. Nothing blocking my view, nothing to obscure my sense of direction, just open sky. As free as anything ever could be. No limitations of visibility, of gravity, obstacles.
Just clear, blue... Sky.
In its own way the sky was a mirror match of the ocean. Infinite, powerful, uncontrollable. The only difference is the sky was clear unlike the murky waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
“Okay. Are you ready for Phoenix?” carapace called as she finished up the last of her own pre-flight warm ups.
“As ready as I can be, I guess.”
“Good.” She replied before igniting her horn in a green flame. This was unlike her normal magic however. Her normal magic was gentle and more dull. This looked as if her magic was made of actual emerald green flames that wavered wildly in the open air defiant of the gentle breeze blowing through. Not all that unlike the flames of the dragon from Sleeping Beauty.
She isn't, is she?
Then like the birth of, well a phoenix, her body was consumed in flames. Her whole being disappeared beneath the emerald flames until it suddenly burst apart like a supernova in all directions. As the last of the flames dissipated into nothing, the figure that was once Carapace was now a familiar azure pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. The disguised changeling brushed some of the ash out of her mane and onto the cloud below before finally looking back to me.
I felt my head jerk back in a mix of surprise and confusion as she changed into the tie dye, abomination, of a color pallet that was the element of loyalty. After taking a minute to fix my slack jaw appearance and understand just what I was looking at I leaned forward to examine her closer. I even poked her new fur with my hoof just to test her disguise. It no longer felt like her once hard chitin but felt like the soft, toned flesh of a trained athlete with a velvety coating of fur over it.
“I, uhh, what's this about,” I finally managed to stammer out in my confusion.
"I thought you'd be more inspired if you were getting lessons from Equestria's best flyer or at least the closest I could get…"
“You don't need to do that,” I began before shutting up as I saw the ling’s face fold in on itself in dismay, “But I appreciate the gesture so lets not let it go to waste.” I felt a pain of guilt build up as the ling’ kept her same dismal appearance even after I tried to save the statement. Which on a side note, was a bit odd seeing a defeated and depressed expression on the embodiment of confidence. Though it did make me wonder if the disguise was for me, or rather herself.
Think confident. You are Rainbow Dash. The best flyer in the whole world! Nothing can stop you! Carapace mentally told herself as she took a deep breath to wave off her despair; which was an odd sensation given in her normal form she breathed through her spiracles, not her nostrils or mouth. But she didn't have time to worry about how it felt, she needed to be Rainbow Dash for this moment and if that meant using the weird breathing methods of other creatures, then so be it! Unfortunately, This change didn’t give her access to Rainbow's actual body meaning her muscles and appearance were only an imitation and she still only retained her own pitiful levels of strength and stamina.
That doesn't matter, nothing stands in your way. Your Rainbow dash now, not Carapace. You’re the best flyer in the world, she repeated. With that she took one more sharp breath before glaring down at Phoenix with a fiery intensity rivaled only by the sun itself.
Phoenix jerked back in surprise at this sudden unfounded intensity given off by Carapace. Carapace could feel a banquet of emotions bleed out of Phoenix in that moment most notable of which was panic. Not the emotion she wanted, she wanted to inspire awe and confidence; thus she had to change it up a bit. So Carapace grew a wide grin across her muzzle but she kept her brow furrowed with the same intensity as before.
“Alright listen up! You wanted flying lessons with the best so you’d better act like it. You can and will keep up with my carefully crafted regiment! It will push you and it may even hurt, but to be the best you have to train like the best. So that means that you listen to my every word down to the last detail! With my super awesome guidance you’ll be flying like a pro in no time kid!” She flicked the wrist of her hoof in a nonchalant motion to try and keep her demon professional but relaxed, a tough line for Carapace to tread.
But your not Carapace, you’re Rainbow Dash, you live and breathe making the impossible look effortless. She reaffirmed as she glanced at Phoenix whom just gave a nod. Her panic was fading away which was good, what was less good was the fact this was being replaced by relative indifference to her performance.
All right, I need to step it up then.
“We’re going to start with the most important part of any flight. Warm up!”
I let out a groan as I tried to force my wings to push up my body weight. They screamed in protest, likely from being neglected their whole existence of a few months, but “Rainbow Dash” wouldn’t have excuses. She just yelled at me to go again. It took a whole five minutes of floundering before I managed to get roughly an inch between my chest and the floor. I let out a gasp of excitement and exhaustion, mostly exhaustion, as I parted ways from the floor. However my mental concentration reached its breaking point when Carapace screamed once more but this time in approval. The sudden change caused me to fall over with a loud “offf.”
Thankfully the cloud floor was softer than any pillow so it was soft at least. Almost soft enough to make me refuse getting back up. Unfortunately I knew such a thing would only get me an ear full of screaming from the ling’.
Speaking of the ling’ I gave her a sideways annoyed glance for breaking my concentration as I got up. Though to her credit she managed to largely hide the regret in her eyes. Though this was done mostly by moving on to her next exercise before letting the moment really sink in.
“Alright next will be backwards wings flutters!” She shouted.
By the end of her little “warm up” my wings felt absolutely drained of energy. Though somehow I managed to keep them from drooping down my side in exhaustion. A moot but proud moment for myself. But Carapace didn’t let me enjoy my little pride I got from it for long. As she was immediately onto the next part of her lesson.
“Well start with the fundamentals,” she rambled. If by fundamentals she meant a delve into my least favorite subject, math; Most notably simple trig and geometry… Well as simple as those concepts could be, mixed with a recap of the muscles in a pegasus’ wings and how to properly distribute magic to generate lift. Honestly it felt more like rocket science than “fundamentals.” If this is what foals had to learn just for the basics of flight I’d hate to see the PHD a creature needs to be a professional flier.
Regardless though, I think I had a general enough grasp of it to at least make an attempt. After all I had started to at least move magic to my hooves to pick up objects. How hard could it be moving it to my wings?
Answer: Very.
Though upon seeing me ready myself she gave me one last piece of advice.
“Remember If you find yourself stuck in a storm or cloud, fly up! Just keep flying till you break through to the other side and see the clear sky above. Remember it's far better to be in the open sky than even the calmest storm.” Which was a bit odd given I didn't see a cloud in sight. Maybe it was just general advice.
I don’t quite remember how I ended up outside today. I suppose I must have blanked out again because one moment I was laying on my bed. The next I was on the edge of the orphanage’s cloud layer; next Carapace who was nudging me to step off. ‘Take that leap of faith’ as it were. Which was easier said than done given the vast emptiness in front of me, nothing to catch me if I fell… But she both insisted and assured me I would be fine. So, with a deep breath, I moved my right forehoof over the edge.
Nothing below it now but open air.
I could feel the weight in my body subtly shift as I put my hoof further and further over the edge; gravity’s pull trying to tug me out and over all together. My mind spun in panic as my body screamed danger. But deep in my core there was something else. If I tuned out my nerves and really felt for it, I could feel something else swelling up inside my chest. The danger, the freedom, the clear skies made my heart race not in fear, but in anticipated...
Excitement!
My heart pounded against my chest, as if to break free from the cage of my body and escape out into the open skies. It yearned for the open, clear air in front of it. It yearned to feel gravity powerlessly try and bring it down. It yearned to take flight. It wanted so desperately to answer that freedom I never could have had on Earth.
Suddenly I found my body leaning over the edge on its own accord; forcing me forward until gravity forced me to fully take the plunge out into the open air. My mind panicked as my heart cheered. Adrenaline, fear, excitement raced through my body. All competing for control of my mind. But they agreed on one thing. One action. So I clenched my eyes in horror as a nervous grin took over my muzzle and let my wings unfurl. Suddenly the scream of the icy air stopped as my body jolted into a sudden halt. Wind pounding into my wings; keeping me aloft as my magic kept me cruising at a steady altitude.
I slowly opened my eyes to see my body soaring through the air. Though maybe gliding was more apt. Gliding high above the ground below. It was nothing but myself and open air. It took all my willpower to not let a child-like cheer escape my muzzle as I watched the frozen, winter wonderland, below pass me by. It was better than I’d ever dreamt. The sight was something truly behold.
My mind slowly began clicking things into position as the fear full wore off and I could thing clearly again. I was actually living out...
My Love.
My passion.
My dream.
To fly.
To soar.
To go higher.
It was emancipation.
It was liberation.
It was freedom.
Freedom from the restraints and problems of life. It was only now I fully came to grasp just how much I yearned for this. Yearned to fly. Yearned To do something I never could have on Earth. Though thinking these words now I‘m not sure any are even close to the right ones. And I'm not even sure there was a word in all the world's languages that correctly described what I felt.
My body wanted this. My heart craved this. My soul needed this. Even amidst the fear it felt more natural than breathing. It felt better than anything I’d ever known. The thoughts and doubts of my mind faded away as I took on the open sky.
Though as I circled through the air I became keenly aware of another force aiding me. It was a gentle wind coming from the orphanage’s cloud layer behind me. The winds rushed under my wings; pushing me up and raising me higher and higher. Higher than I could dream of. For a few brief moments it was wonderful. For just a few brief minutes it was nothing but me, and the wind which carried me. Its gentle breeze brushed through my fur like a friendly, reaffirming rub on the back. As if to say ‘This is it.’
But like all things in life, this freedom and joy were fleeting.
Suddenly I found myself in a raging storm cloud I’d somehow missed. It was full of winds that angrily fought back to push me down to the ground below. I struggled to flap my wings to try and break past it, but its violent and angry roars petrified me with fear. At that moment I became a shark that stopped swimming, doomed to die. It immediately took advantage of my moment of weakness and stripped me of all control.
The wind gripped me and yanked me away from the friendly breeze below before throwing me around like an angry toddler throwing a toy. My stomach churned as my head became disoriented. I no longer knew up from down, left from right. All the world was a blur as its cold rains pelted me like bullets; soaking my coat in their icy waters. I tried to scream to do anything, but I was helpless on my own. My wings didn't budge and my magic didn’t help. I was at the mercy of this enraged force of nature.
For several long minutes I was tossed and beaten senseless by the storm's wrath. Until only one emotion was left. Hated. Raw, unfiltered hatred for the storm. Not because of its viciousness but because as I’d finally realized what freedom really was, and this storm caged me. I wanted to break free but I didn't know how, I didn't even know which way was up or down. So what chance did I stand? Tears finally began to build up in the edges of my vision as I came to realize I’d never be free. I’d die sooner than be free from this storm's grip.
I felt like a caged bird. Destined to never free its wings. Doomed to forever live trapped. I wanted to look for a door on this cage but there was none that I could find. Only thick iron bars. As lifeless and cold as I felt. I wanted to bash my body to try and break free of this confinement, but my body would break far sooner than the bars. I wasn't even given the mercy of seeing beyond my cage and the open air outside. Just a sea of darkness in all directions.
The cag swiftly drove me mad. I already wanted to pluck each and every feather off from my wings. I just wanted to rip off my wings all together. I wanted to bash my skull into the bars till I forget what freedom tastes like. Then I wouldn't be tormented with the hell of knowing what freedom was like but not having it. At least on Earth I couldn't ever know the freedom of the air, only wish for it. But here and now, I knew it was achievable and so close, but I’d never be strong enough to reach it.
I must have screamed, for what felt like hours but was only a few minutes, only to be drowned out by the howling winds and rain. Though as my voice finally gave out in its futile screaming match against the wind, my heart stopped racing. Seemingly as my body gave out on me, so did my mind. Then as if sensing my defeat the storm simmered a bit, not enough for me to break free but enough to where I didn't feel sick. Not that it mattered, I didn't care I knew I was this thing’s prisoner. It's plaything. So I resigned myself to my fate. That was until finally it gave me one mercy… The mercy of death.
My body was suddenly flung, harder and faster than anything before, towards the ground below. My ears rang from the rapidly changing altitude and my head still spun from my spin cycle as my wings remained tucked in and useless.
My body whizzed through the cloud layer as I approached ever quicker to the ground level below. I felt more like a brick than a pegasus at that moment. Heavy, motionless, incapable of action, doomed to the fate of the forces acting upon me. With that feeling came a sense of embarrassment and shame, Worse yet out of the corner of my eye I could start to make out the ground below. The spot I was rapidly approaching was Ponyvill, namely the God forsaken hospital and its dead tree. In a way, it was at least an amusing way to go out I guess. Crash landing and dying in the same place I crash landed in and started this new bizarre life.
As my body hit ground however, I was not greeted with a hard bone snapping thud. But rather a soft cloud based mattress. My body jolted up in a cold sweat as I hugged myself in my dorm bed. My body gasping as I recovered from that nightmare. I could feel hot salty tears start to flood down my now heated cheeks as I processed what had happened. Though I didn’t cry because I had died in a dream, that would have been childish. Rather I cried because I had realized something. I’d never be strong enough to be free of the cage.
It took a long few minuets to gain my composure back, a feat made none easier, due to the fact this same nightmare had cost me the past several nights of sleep; a pattern that was becoming quite irritable. As now even my last sanctuary of sleep was being stolen from me... After taking a moment, or maybe it was several, to get my head straight I wrestled my body, which was still lazily clinging to my bed, to finally roll out and onto the floor; forcing my legs to stumble across the ground like a drunkard deep into their stupor, to try and catch my balance. When I had finally managed to keep my hooves firmly planted in place, I fumbled my way towards the dorm’s exit and to the cafeteria to wait for breakfast. While a bit of a chore at first, as I was forced to relearn basic hoof eye coordination, I slowly but surely regained my balance. Though it was still notably more sluggish and less coordinated than the average creature here.
At least on the bright side of having my sleep repeatedly interrupted so early in the morning, I was first to breakfast. Unfortunately, the opposite side of this coin also meant the dining facility wasn't open yet and so, like the past several days, I was forced to sit outside and wait. Which wasn’t all that bad I suppose, as it at least provided me a reprieve from the noisy busy work that was going about my day here. Better still, it also allowed me to watch as the heavenly bodies that were the sun and moon, quite literally, trade places in the sky. It was a brilliant heavenly dance that would have brought a tear to the most hardened of hearts; it also left any being unfortunate enough to be looking up at that moment temporarily blinded by the sun's radiance. A misfortune I've had the displeasure of experiencing every dawn so far… And today was no expedition.
By the time I fully regained my vision from the divine white glow that ensnared it, a queue had already started to form behind me; meaning, at the very least, breakfast was soon. Though admittedly today I was far too tired to really be hungry. Anytime I attempted to hone my hone in on the fresh smell of fruits inside my mind instead drifted back to the thought of bed. Then whenever I tried to focus my mind back in, it would drag its heels and quickly meander its way back to the thought of bed whenever I let go of it. Put simply, it felt like a game of tug of war between myself and my sub conscious and the latter was winning.
Because of this, most everything past that point was a groggy blur. My focus was so strained on trying to keep my mind awake that everything else around me was just an incompressible blur of information. Creatures were in and out of sight in a blink and just a fuzzy blob even when they were still. The normal high energy conversation talks around the table were even more high energy than usual. Combined with the fact that the mid winter light of the sun coming in blinded me most of the time; making breakfast even less bearable than usual. Though I was still vaguely aware of the twins and co egging me forward through the line and towards our normal table, or least I think it was our normal table. As I was to preoccupied still ebbing off my lingering grogginess to know for sure.
Carapace, to her credit, however seemed to pick up on all of this. As when breakfast had concluded she suggested maybe taking the day off instead of practicing again. Sound advice to a more cognizant individual, unfortunately for us both I was anything but that. So instead I waved away her worries, saying I'd be fine between tired yawns; insisting that grogginess was starting to finally wear off. In truth, the tired edge of my mind was slowly starting to fall off into a faint dull calling, but not nearly as much as I may have suggested. Even if that were a lie though, I had to do this, I needed to do this. As the sooner I could lay this need to fly to sleep, the sooner I could be free of this nightmare, the sooner I may rest as well. Though that latter half of my reasoning was something I kept closer to my chest than the prior. Partly because that was a thought process too complicated for my tied mind to coherently spout out and partly because it wasn’t something I felt practically keen on sharing. It was the hand I had drawn, My problem to deal with, no one else's; it would be me who'd have to deal with it.
Despite my insistence and reassurance however Carapace still seemed unsure. Though I’m pretty sure my insistence must have won out given the next thing I clearly remember was the two of us standing out in the courtyard or it was just me. I couldn't quite recollect if Carapace had been at my side like usual or not. Though whatever the case was, it was fine by me as it gave me another chance to finally put down this beast that had been snatching my dreams from me. The very beast that looked to a sky full of hunger and yearning. A yearning that demanded to not only clear the unobtainable, infinite, blue horizons of the sky, but to reach out past its limits, reach out past crystalline blue appearance and graze the black pool of infinity that lay just beyond it. To soar, to climb and to be free. That was what it yearned for me to do.
The thought left my body heavy and inert, but not from the fatigue that gripped it, but from the knowledge I couldn't. I was far too weak; even in my dreams I knew that. It was only a favorable updraft that kept me aloft after all. A favorable condition I would most certainly not find here, and I doubt I'd even be able to use it provided it was. My wings were little more than a fancy show dog. All appearances and no substance. Even when fully extended they provided no glide to my heavy body. They should be a royal flush in this circumstance. Able to meet and beat that yearning and yet they weren't even a pair of twos.
Supposedly this is because magic is needed if one wishes to keep their, otherwise incapable, body afloat. So given the fact I was not a pony, rather a human stuck in a filly’s, no less, body I could never achieve this feat. The thought left a knot in my stomach that pulled in so many different ways I swiftly lost count. It was however at that moment on which my mind decided to act upon a whim. A whim hell bent on breaking this knot by brute force if need be. No matter how foolhardy the idea. Anything to beat the yearning beast inside of me. It was going to play my hand against the odds; determined to win it all or... Not.
Maybe it was my tired mind unable to think right in the heat of the moment. Maybe it was because I was a fool whom, at that moment, couldn't recognize when I’d been dealt an unwinnable hand. Or maybe it was something far more self-destructive that possessed me… Though in truth I think it was probably a mixture of all three to some extent or another. Regardless of the reasoning my mind was determined to end this nightmare that had plagued me relentlessly like a rabid dog.
I would fly, one way or another.
Then without my input my right forehoof struck the ground with a mix of nervous trepidation, and foolish determinism as my wings definitely shot out to their full length. My eyes locked forward towards, not just the edge but towards the horizon beyond that with an almost unearthly drive. Suddenly my hooves galloped towards it; pounding the ground with all my resolve to bet my hand against the odds.
It wasn't long after that I had the vaguest sense of someone shouting something behind me, though I don't know what it was or who it was. In hindsight however, I'm sure it was someone like Carapace trying to tell me to disregard my current bets. I was uninterested in their pleas however; even if I was, it didn't matter I had too much momentum to stop myself before I reached the end of the cloud layer. Then just like that I cast my hand. I was all in now and all my cards were on the table. All that was left was to await how they stacked up.
Suddenly there was nothing for my resolve to stand on anymore. There was nothing holding me down, no one holding me back. But there was also nothing to hold me up anymore and nothing to push off against. I was weightless in every sense of the word. For a moment the world was frozen around me. Gravity did not pull on me but nor did I move on. Instead I was left there mid air. Not married to the ground but not free either.
After what felt like an eternity my mind finally caught up with what it had done and just in time it seemed. As by the time this dawned on me the world around me began slowly ticking forward again. Revealing just how my hand fared.
In a blink of an eye I was in free fall. My hand was truly a bust…
Earlier that same morning Carapace had awoken in a groggy state like she normally did, to the loud rustling of nearby creatures, all of whom were rolling out of bed just before the morning alarm gave its normal annoyingly loud blare. With a drawn out yawn she gazed to her right to Phoenix's bed. Like the past several days the bed was empty, cold and no longer even carrying the indention from a body that had been laying there. Her sheets fared similar neglect; sloppily tossed over the side, pooling up along the floor like a waterfall of wool.
“Again?” Carapace muttered to herself as she shook her head to try and remove some of the fatigue still gripping it. Once she managed to get her sense about her she stepped out of bed and neatly tucked away her sheets before heading to Phoenix's bed to do the same. Cold and lightly damp, just like the past two weeks. That combined with the fact Phoenix had bags, the size of a small town, under her eyes made it painfully easy to piece together an idea of what was going on.
The deductive reasoning was at least more information that she had gotten from Phoenix. Phoenix just played it off or ignored the questions all together, at least when she was awake enough to talk. Most of the time though the filly was barely coherent often muttering to herself or passing out only to wake back up a moment later.
Even ignoring the aroma of fatigue and dread that radiated off the filly Carapace hated seeing others in such a terrible disposition; a sympathy so great it was often unbearable. Whatever was causing the night terrors gnawed at Carapace as if it were her own pains. A feeling describable only as a sort of synesthesiac mimicry of feelings.
Though as Carapace was bogged down on her own low and finishing up the last hospital corner, somepony nudged her softly from behind.
“Come on,” Ribbon called, “we're going to miss breakfast if you don't hurry and don't give me the ‘I don't eat normal creature food’ speech; every creature is waiting.” Carapace gave a grunt of understanding before tucking in the last bit of sheet.
“Alright,” she buzzed; drinking Ribbon's enthusiasm, “ready to go!”
“Took you long enough. You know you’re not her mom,” Ribbon joked.
“I never claimed to be… But it just looked so sloppy.” Ribbon suppressed an amused chuckle at the comment; while amusing they both knew that wasn't the whole truth or rather the whole reason why.
“She’ll be fine. I already promised you we’d see it through right?” Ribbons reminder immediately crashed Carapace’s brief high of enthusiasm as she was reminded of just why she felt so miserable.
“Yea I know you did but-”
“No buts!” Ribbon sternly cut off, as she saw Carapace's face droop back to one of misery, ”You're letting it eat at you. I promise she’ll be fine; we’ll make sure of it.” Ribbon took a brief pause to rest her hoof on Carapace's shoulder and shoot her a reassuring grin. Carapace in return gave a grateful nod before following Ribbon out.
Though in her soul Carapace knew that wasn't true. Every part of her body ebbed away at her with that immutable truth, they couldn't help Phoenix, not like this, and Phoenix would just get worse and… Carapace quickly suppressed the thought; shoving it deep into the recess of her mind before it brought her to tears.
Though even after Carapace managed to snuff out the anguishing thought she felt cold and hollow while at the same time feeling so heavy that she couldn't walk. All the while her mind violently spun like a hurricane around. The whole ordeal left her feeling physically sick and emotionally wrecked.
“I told you... It'll be okay, alright?” she promised again; gently draping a wing over Carapace as she led her out. She wanted to tell the bug she was being stupid and its not like Phoenix's problems were there fault, but shed already tried that. So instead she let out a short breath of air before walking Carapace to breakfast. For Carapace, the gesture was so much more. As if a tremendous weight was removed off of her. It felt as though a shield was encasing her body; warding off the negativity as it carried her through the maelstrom of negativity. She couldn't help but lean into her shield a little more as if grasping it for dear life.
Not that Ribbon had any intent of letting go. She was well aware of what Carapace was like when she was in a funk. As such she lightly tightened her grip over her friend as they approached the front of the line to join the rest of her companions. Zeal and Starling were busy talking to one another over something mundane. While Teratorn looked cautiously over a sleeping Phoenix, as if he were debating whether to prod a sleeping bear or not. Before he could make a decision however Zeal cut his conversation short and shook Phoenix's shoulder having finally realized she slipped off again.
“Best meal of the day is up soon Nix,” he practically sang, hiding a concerned worried look beneath a mask of feverous excitement.
“Uhuhhu.” Phoenix incoherently mumbled before rubbing her weary eyes, clearly not paying any mind to his words.
“I'll take that as a yes!” He beamed, fighting off the edge of a worried grin, before Ribbon smacked him in the back of the head.
“OW! What in Taurus was that for?!” He demanded angrily. Though, in part at least, he was thankful as the smack refocused his mind on something other than Phoenix.
“Do you have to be so loud?” She demanded in a sharp and annoyed hissed.
“Whhhaaat? Better to wake her up with, yea?” he proposed; much to the annoyance of his sister who just let out a groan of disbelief before resting her forehead on her left forehoof.
“You're a dolt,” Ribbon bemoaned in pure contempt.
“The same dolt you share genes with,” he giggled, “which means… You probably have a few of those dolt genes too!”
“That isn't even-… Just forget it,” Ribbon replied as she face hoofed; causing Zeal to break out into a mad cackle.
Thankfully, the doors to the cafeteria opened not long after; allowing the rest of the group to escape the twins' childish banter. The bulk of the group, including Phoenix, made their way towards the food line while Carapace separated to scout out their usual table before somecreature else could take it. Upon securing their familiar stomping ground, Carapace sat next to Phoenix's usual spot as she awaited their arrival. Though as she was left to her own devices she could feel the lingering thoughts of earlier slowly crawl out of whatever mental hole they were hiding in. Threatening to wreak havoc on her mind again. Fortunately with the herd being at the front of the line, Carapace’s friends were swift to arrive even with Phoenix's sluggish hobbling. Thus allowing her to once more bury the anxiety away and instead bask in her friends' company.
After taking several moments to arrange themselves into their normal spots, the group was quick to delve into their plans for the day. With the exception of Phoenix that was. While it wasn't uncommon for the filly to quietly sit back and only passively participate, this time the circumstances were noticeably different. Most notable of which being that she frequently nodded off for a moment before snapping back too and only sloshed her food about, not actually eating it.
Carapace tried awakening Phoenix every time she dozed off, but it seemed to do little. At least for the first dozen attempts or so anyway. Thankfully as breakfast went on Phoenix slowly started to stay cognizant longer than a mere moment at a time. Well awake might have been a better descriptor as she hardly seemed aware of what was going on around her.
The whole ordeal caused Carapace to grimace in discomfort as she watched her friend struggle to even stay awake. A struggle that only seemed to get worse as the days went. Each day taking Phoenix longer to stay awake than the last. Everyday Carapaces concern growing more anxiety ridden.
“I say just let her sleep for now,” Zeal suggested, “better to catch a few winks here in the cafeteria where she wont fall over, than to pass out and fall over in the hallways.” His eyes slowly fell back onto Phoenix as he hid a worried expression behind his half eaten apple.
“That's almost possibly the smartest thing you’ve ever said.” Ribbon replied in mock astonishment. Though Zeal missed the sarcasm ridden throughout the sentiment.
“I feel like there's a ‘but’ coming to that praise,” Zeal retorted back as he took another bite out of his apple.
“And you'd be right. I was going to say, before you interrupted me,” Ribbon frowned to which her brother gave a casual shrug of indifference in response, “that her sleeping here makes no difference. It's not enough time to stop her from just passing out anyway while she's walking. We should probably tell Virulent Lesson and get her back to bed.” Zeal disagreed on that point, at least that it made no difference. Some sleep was better than none in his mind. Though if there was a way to get her more sleep he wouldn't protest.
“He hasn't figured that out already? I’m sure she's been dozing off in their one on one meetings,” Zeal pointed out.
“Knowing her though, I doubt nodding off is that far off from how she probably spends their sessions.” Ribbon argued back.
“Fair,” Zeal simply said as he took another nonchalant bite out of his apple.
“I’ll take her to Head Stallion Lesson after this,” Carapace finally spoke as she slowly sat Phoenix's limp body back into a proper sitting position.
“You know I can hear you right?” Phoenix grumbled as she tried to squirm free of Carpace’s hooves, though her voice wasn't quite all there. It was as if her mind had wandered off without the rest of her body. After a long moment of pause her muscles slowly tensed up as she took control of her body once more. Only to struggle at trying to balance her in a sitting position; causing Carapace to quickly put her hooves back around the filly in support.
“Oh! Mooring!” Zeal cheekily greeted, “good of you to join us.”
“Will you quit that?” Ribbon demanded, more so than asked, her brother. Carapace sighed at the twos bickering before turning back to Phoenix to make sure she was still sitting up correctly.
“How do you feel?” Carapace asked, her voice once more heavy with worry and stress.
“Like a million bucks,” Phoenix muttered groggily in a sarcastic tone.
Ribbon’s eyebrows arched in an inquisitive fashion before her lips caught up to ask “A million what now?”
“Money things…uhh.. Bits, those things,” the filly half heartedly elaborated.
“Where do you get buckings from bits?” Zeal asked only to get a slugging in the side from his sister.
“Language,” Ribbon hissed.
“What?! She said it,” He argued
“And she's barely conscious and maybe she was talking about male deer I don't know.” Ribbon argued back.
“You’re just looking for excuses to hit me, this is abuse,” He protested as he rubbed his sore shoulder. Carapace shook her head as she slowly helped Phoenix up, helping carry her away.
“Where are you two going?” Zeal asked
“To get her to bed and get the Head Stallion.” Carapace answered back as she looked over Phoenix once more.
Star quickly picked himself up from his seat; leaving behind his half eaten meal before saying “we should probably go too.”
“But I didn't even get to finish my apple,” Zeal jokingly huffed as he fluttered up to his hooves.
“You can have mine at lunch. Let's just go,” Ribbon called; already following Carapace. The rest of the group followed soon after. Carapace walked a few dozen paces ahead trying to convince an unwilling Phoenix to go back to her bed. Unfortunately even Phoenix's exhaustion couldn't snuff out her stubbornness as she insisted on going out for their daily practice. Even going so far to dig her hooves into the soft plush floor below. The whole ordeal thankfully only lasted a few minutes; ending as they managed to put Phoenix into her bed. Then finally with only a half coherent groan of protest Phoenix finally gave in and fell limp; her mind swiftly falling asleep once more.
With an exhausted sigh Carapace finally looked back to her friends, “I should go tell Mr. Virulent Lesson.”
“We’ll accompany you,” Teratorn swiftly replied; garnering swift nods of agreement from the rest of the group.
Carapace glanced back up at them with a sheepish smile of appreciation, before slowly heading towards the head stallions office while the rest of the group followed suit. Though unbeknownst to them, as they slipped outside Phoenix slowly stirred back awake from her restless sleep. Phoenix’s tired eyes falling upon the window adjacent to her bed; out to the courtyard.
Carapace slowly matched her way through the hallways, her head heavy with worry over if she had done something wrong. Her mind second guessed every other choice she'd made. The weight so heavy she felt as she might topple under it right there, literally. Her hoof slowly raised to rub her burdened head in a attempt to alleviate some of the doubt that plagued it so that she might press on. The attempt however did nothing for her; her head still lay heavy and brimming with anxiety.
“What's up,” Starling asked as he quickened his pace to place himself at Carapace's side; lookin over the changeling with a worried expression of his own. His eyes scanned her face, trying to read it for what was distressing her. While he was fairly sure the reason for it he couldn't help but double check her.
“I, uhh- oh its nothing,” she dismissively answered.
“You know. For a changeling you're really bad at lying,” he retorted as he pulled her in close; using his body to help support her weight.
“I’m just worried is all. Did I- er we, push her too hard? She's hardly gotten any sleep since we started trying to train her to fly.” Starlings gaze slowly shifted out and away I thought.
“No,” he finally answered, “at least I don't think so.”
“Yea,” Zeal chimed in from behind.
“I too agree with Starling’s assessment of Phoenix's predicament,” The larger gryphon added.
“Same here! I’m positive it's not because of us” Ribbon quickly added.
Carapace just gave a slow, unsure nod of gratitude to her friends. Though she was thankful to hear those words, she was still unconvinced. Before the worry could take her once more however Starling gave her side a light jab.
“Oh no you don’t. I know where that mind of yours is going as I’m telling you to cut it out.” Starling ordered; dragging out a genuine but still unsure smile out of Carapace.
“Yea, you’re right.” Carapace acknowledged, as she took his advice and tried to stop following that thought process. It didn't change how she felt ,though leaning on him in that moment did help the nymph feel better. As if she could actually walk now. The rest of the walk was a quite blur for her as she simply took the moment to breathe in her friends’ companionship.
Then finally the group arrived outside the office of the Head stallion. After taking a moment to arrange themselves in a semi organized blob of bodies, Carapace slowly knocked upon his door. For a moment there was silence which was followed by the shuffling of paper, presumably books and then the soft sound of hoofsteps crunching the cloud floor. Then finally the door slowly swung back inside the office as the Head stallion poked his head out.
“Hm, yes?” He answered as he lowered his gaze back on to the herd before him. Starling wrinkled his nose back at the offensively strong smell of caffeine permeating from the stallion. Which in turn caused Virulent’s face to shift into one of confusion as the young gryphon recoiled back.
“Er nothing sir,” Staling replied to the stallion's perplexed look.
“We were here to ask if it was okay if Phoenix sleeps a bit outside of bed time.” Carapace Interjected to answer the original question. This immediately caught the stallion’s attention.
“Is it because of her habit of staying up all night?”
“She doesn't stay up, she keeps having some sort of bad dream and wakes up,” Carapace countered.
“I see. Well I’m in no disposition to tell one of my foals they can't get their needed rest… Alright, I’ll give her a waiver for her rest,” The head stallion turned around and went back to his desk in which he scrambled through a few cabinets before pulling out a small card. He set down the faded yellow piece of paper and wrote along it with his personal quill before stamping it with his hoof print.
“She’s in her bed right now?”
“Y-yes sir!” Carapace answered with a sigh of relief. She knew the head stallion would say yes, but was relieved to hear it straight from the horse's mouth nonetheless. After a moment to put some of his one stuff away the head stallion divided the group down middle before walking on; legere in muzzle. Carapace quickly followed suit, to see it delivered to Phoenix personally while her friends hesitantly followed her lead.
“You don't have to come,” Carapace informed.
“Yea but we want too,” Ribbon retorted to which the nymph slowly turned her head back to the group and gave an awkward but genuine grin of appreciation.
The brief trip back was marked by intermittent bouts of mumbling between Carapce’s companions, all of which turned to stunned silence upon arriving at Phoenix's empty bed. Carapace's weak smile faded into a worried expression as she looked around the room.
“Relax,” Zeal ordered as he gently grabbed Carpaces shoulder, “breath. I'm sure she's fine; plus she couldn't have gotten far.”
“I-I guess you’re right. I just have a terrible feeling,” She explained. Though terrible wasn't quite right as her stomach was in knots with an unexplainable dread. Which she internally knew was foolish, the facility was as safe as any place else, aside from maybe Albatross, and the worse the filly could do was walk into a cloud wall. Yet all the same something gripped her with an indescribable worry. The sensation left her light headed as she began rubbing her head again; hoping the terrible feeling would subside.
“Found her,” Starling interjected. Carapace was too dazed to make out who said what but she at least knew what she heard. Her head and ears perked up; momentarily freed from the awful gut sensation.
“Where?” she demanded.
“Courtyard,” he simply answered; glancing out the window. As Carapace looked out the same fixture she spotted the pegasus’ shaggy, unkempt, fiery red mane immediately. Immediately the dread gripped her chest again, worse than last time, and she had no idea why. All she knew is she was out the door before she had a moment to process her own feelings and thoughts.
Virulent Lesson sighed as the nymph was out the door before he even had a chance to blink, but not having much choice, he followed to try and wrangle the filly back to bed. Though as he stepped out into Celestia’s light he noticed something strange. Phoenix stood, only half a dozen steps away from the edge; wings outstretched. He pondered the thought in bewilderment for a moment. He didn't think she could fly, least he didn't remember if she did as his mind was finally slowing down from its coffee fueled high.
Though a shrill set of cries from Carapace brought him back down to reality, answered his question, and fueled his fear. The nymph was chasing Phoenix as the filly jumped over the ledge. The head stallions heart sank as he quickly rushed to the edge; watching the Changeling vanish over it as well.
“CELESTIA BLAST IT ALL!” He cried as he himself dove after to catch his foals.
Just behind him the rest of the group came bursting out the door trying to follow, but due to their surprise they were too slow to act and thus too far behind to do anything, with the sole expedition of Teratorn. Who himself was just a few hoof lengths behind the Head Stallion thanks to his longer strides.
He wasn't sure he could do much, if anything, as despite him being the strongest flyer at least in terms of raw wing muscles he was definitely slower in the air. Definitely too slow to catch the falling bodies, but that was a rational thought and his normal rational mind, for the time being, was gone. Pure instinct had overtaken the gryphon’s whole being. His body acted on muscle memory and before he could even process his decision he dove over the side as well.
The world slowly came back into focus as Teratorn got his sense about him. His wings were tucked into his side with his arms outstretched towards the falling ponies while a deafening wind screamed in his ears and a gust of air blasted his face. His heart sank as he realized just what kind of situation he was in. He was too far behind. Half a dozen hoof steps behind Virulent lesson and double that for his friends. He felt his water in a mix of fear and irritation from the wind as he desperately stretched out his wings; shoving them through the air to go faster. Beat per beat he could feel himself inch closer.
Just...a little...more! He thought as he managed to pass the Virulent Lesson.
Carapace tightly gripped Phoenix as her wings helplessly buzzed to try and slow their rapidly increasing descent. Her efforts were useless however, as the ball of chitin and fur fell faster and faster, swiftly reaching terminal velocity. Carapace tried to let out a cry of terror but it was deafened out by the roaring wind rushing past them. Faster and faster the ground approached. Faster than she could process.
They say when you’re about to die your life flashes before your eyes. For carapace however all that flashed before her were her own tears and fears. Everything she'd done wrong and every little mistake… Everything she should have done. Her head spun; tossing the world into an incoherent blur as her mind feared what would come next. Until she could no longer even make out how far away the ground was.
As Caprace wailed into Phoenix's chest a force struck them from the side; redirecting them towards a cloud bank near the bottom level of Cloudsdale. Whatever hit them also seemed to be trying to slow their speed. Unfortunately they were still going too fast for the small reduction to do much. Carapace tightly shut her eyes tightly as she whimpered out an apology. A moment later she felt her head snap back as she crashed into clouds, then nothing.
The first thing I can recall was the dull pitter patter of rain against my forehead; amidst the prairie of weeds of my home. The air smelt of lightly dewed grass and sounded of the distorted rustling of wind through grass. After a moment to orient myself, I gently ran my hand through my hair as I sat up and looked upon the plain ahead of me. The sight roused up emotions I'd forgotten, as a faint, homesick, longing smile came to my face.
Home.
For a brief moment I was happy, happier than I’d been in a long time. Though like all good things that happiness came to an end as I remembered why it was that I missed home… This was a dream. That single realization made me finally realize something about this recurring nightmare. It was a painting. My vivid recollection was but a washed-up watercolor rendition of sorts; tinted under a planet of grayed out teal blue no less. The skies were a muggy grey with no clear ending or beginning. The fields of grass were in actuality a singular blob of uniform greens with the occasional splotch of rustic gold mixed in. The once familiar oak tree that stood proudly in the middle was but a single stroke of brown with brownish green dabs for leaves.
The feeling of a summer's rain was reduced to simple implied lines amidst the painting. The noises likewise died away to the silence of my mind. It was as if, in one stroke, all the life had died away; covered under a layer of surreal impossibility. It was a reminder of the unobtainable. A bitter one at that.
Having said that, I supposed it was bittersweet in a way. The impressionistic painting left me with vague recollections of the many times I spent in that field. Unfortunately, the memories were as distant and unrecognizable as the oak tree in the painting that now lay before me. Only vague hints of what was and is. Though no matter how hard I squint no definitive outlines could be recalled only the vague emotion attached.
I'm unsure how long I simply sat there staring at the impressionistic painting of my home. It felt like several lifetimes, at others I was sure it was only a minute. Though I suppose it made sense. It was a dream after all, simply muddled with brush strokes of the past to make it feel grounded. The painting was only an imitation to recapture the feeling of that moment. A mimicry of sorts of that reality. It was never a true depiction.
That was a sobering realization to be sure and an oddly relieving one to boot. I felt as though a weight was removed off of my shoulders. A weight that had for so long kept me sitting and staring at this singular painting for so long, that I hadn't noticed the rest of the world around me. I was finally free to be able to stand up and give myself some perspective. It was then that I realized there was more than one painting. There was a whole gallery around me.
The paintings varied in depiction and styles. Many were of my past, of my memories. Many were similar to the field, impressionistic recalling of places and the feelings associated with them. On the other side were more of the realism side of art. People…No rather creatures, of the equestrian variant specifically, lining the walls and going about their day to day lives. On several occasions I could even spot myself, still stuck in this body. Sometimes as a filly, other times as a mare, other times still I was somewhere in between, but always in one of two distinct art styles. In the ones I was depicted alone, typically painted more sternly through strokes of faded blues, greys and purples all while the scenes were set in a more grounded, earthly, winter setting. While the other took almost the exact opposite approach; even border-lining romanticism in some respects. As these ones instead opted to use warmer pallets of red, white and gold, while not only depicting a setting of spring and summer but also depicting several creatures in my company, all of whom typically had a more pleasing look about them.
While both were far more grounded than the impressionistic renditions of my past, they still carried their own plethora of emotions about them. While less intense these emotions were often more understandable and grounded than those of the impressionistic ones. Ranging from joy filled, merry, revelry to lonely outings. None of them felt disconnected from one another either despite their contrasting feelings. I’m unsure quite how to put it into words but the dream-based paintings made me feel as though they were all connected, like a series of paintings unified by a singular subject. In which case I suppose one could say the unifying subject was myself. Though I can't help but feel that interpretation was wrong and that the actual subject matter that unified them was something I had yet to quite grasp.
It was like a puzzle that was missing several crucial pieces that would make the full image clear. I could feel my head start to wrack itself for an answer between the sea of paintings. With no answer given upon face valley however I trudged on. I suppose I naively hoped one of them might make the puzzle fall into place.
Though as I continued to follow along the corridor of paintings, for what felt like an eternity, I eventually stumbled across an unremarkable stairwell. It was a dull plaster white of unremarkable make. The walls being neatly evenly cut rectangles and the stairs being similarly cut though on a smaller scale. The sight was odd to say the least, as up until that point the walls around me, while also white, were more eggshell in color and made of a different material though one I don't know the name of. It made the stairs stick out like a sore tacky thumb compared to the elegance of the rest of the gallery. Most bizarrely however was where the stairwell led…
As I approached the top of the stairwell, I reached a wooden flat. More specifically what laid in front of me was the front deck of a small ship. One too impossibly small to house the endless number of paintings that lay below. Having said that, the ship's impossible dimensions were far from the most shocking sight to greet me topside. That honor went to the bizarre surroundings instead. The first, and most glaring issue, was that the ship lay floating on the wrong side of the water. The ship floated upside down, beneath the waves. My ‘sky’ being the inky depth of the ocean and the ‘floor’ being the underside of the waves above with the muggy sky just beyond that. Stranger still was the fact I need not breathe down here; I couldn't even feel the familiar resistance of water as I moved. It was absolutely surreal in the strangest way possible. More so than even the paintings below. If not for the visual disparity I’d have no way of telling the situation I found myself in.
Above? or rather what ever the belly of my ship was touching was the absolute bottom of thee ocean. THough not in a visual sense, it was just one of those git feeling things you get when in a dream. Like gazing at it I just knew my ship was resting firmly on the deepest parts of the ocean.
Below, or rather above? Whatever was opposite my ships belly, was the surface of the water was an expanse of grey cloud, remnants from a passing storm if I had to guess. They idly lingered overhead dipping what little rain they had left as they waited for the transitory wind to blow them away. All the while beams of golden light occasionally broke through their moody demeanor, Illuminating the shaky waves into dulled azure blue.
So enchanting was the odd image that I couldn't help but approach the edge of the ship to get a closer look. To my shock however the situation somehow became even more bizarre. As on closer inspection the water's surface was full of images. No pictures? Maybe Videos? I’m not quite sure what to call it. It was like watching a video that had been heavily degraded and further obscured by the masking of the water’s surface. Though I could tell it was…something, I have no idea what due to the heavy degradation and obscure meant of the images.
I squinted at the fuzzy image for hours trying to piece it together. The images however changed, or maybe shifted is a better word, too rapidly for me to make sense of. In turn I leaned forward to try and make more sense of it all.
Still too blurry.
So, I brought my face down to just above the water surface; till my nose kissed it.
Blurry still.
Then, as if acting on natural born curiosity, my head pushed past the surface of the waves.
I’m not sure when I came to, or when I really blacked out for that matter. I’m actually pretty sure I can't quite remember much of anything from the past few days. Well that's assuming the nurses’ timeline of events were true anyway. As I’d only manage to garner bits and pieces from the few that passed through the room to check on me these past few days. None of which rang any bells in my head. Though regardless of their validity, it was quite the tale to recount even with it only being small tidbits. While I couldn't confirm anything and their answers only gave me a vague idea of things, It was still enough to piece together a solid idea of what had happened. Unfortunately it didn't spark any recollection of events that had transpired a couple weeks prior, a guttural feeling told me it was all true. As if somewhere inside me did remember the events, quite vividly at that.
Though my lost memories were a secondary concern at the moment. The more pressing issue for me was my aching head. Honestly I'm not even sure my hit from the carriage felt as miserable as my head did right now. My head felt like an orchestra of tiny mice were bouncing around on small circus balls against my skull. All the while they blared white noise with tubas at volumes that shouldn't be possible for creatures of their small stature. Worse yet, with every little shift or nudge I could feel my brain slide around my head and up against my skull. Thankfully it wasn't painful, but it wasn't comfortable.
Within minutes, no seconds, all I wanted to do was to sink back into the comforts of a pillow. Then pull up the covers snuggly against my chest and sleep this off. Then slip into a nice distant pleasant dream. Sleep unfortunately was no longer an option. I was wide awake now, whether I liked it or not. Meaning there was no escape, not again, not this time.
While the nurses did offer some pain killers I, foolishly, declined thinking I could just power through it. Terrible mistake that was. Stubbornly however, I lived with that decision spending the next couple of days without the drugs and instead opting to deal with the issue my own way. That mistake is neither here nor there anymore however, because a new issue would soon become apparent later that week.
As I'd spent that evening contemplating my every foolish choice that led to this moment, I heard the shuffle of hooves against the soft crunchy cloud floor just outside. A moment later my privacy curtains, or what they're called, were pushed aside as a Carmell brown pegasus walked in, with long chocolate colored hair. He pushed his glasses up with his wing feathers while he read his clipboard on the other. His muzzle scrunched for a second as he seemed to read something over on it before looking up at me with a smile.
“Finally awake hu?” The stallion asked as he put the clipboard between his wing and overly large lab coat.
“Uh, yea I guess?” I replied.
“How are you feeling Mrs. Phoenix?”
“Like I got hit by a carriage.” To which the stallion chuckled a bit at my remark.
“Well you do have a knack for that, don't you?” he tepidly joked; gaging my reaction as if he were a child checking the water for sharks.
“Yea, guess I do,” I rubbed my head a bit. Wasn't my intent to make that joke, or rather comparison though I guess I did kind of walk into it, “so how do I look doc?”
“Doc? Hm no, I’m the charge nurse,” he replied before seeming to double back on his thoughts, “That's the creature who is more or less in charge of taking care of you, provided there's no immediate emergency,” he explained.
“I know what a charge nurse is.”
“Oh. well, ahem, sorry. Do you feel well enough to run a few basic tests with me?”
“Like what?”
“Oh, nothing drastic. Just a few basic calisthenics. Make sure nothing in that noggin of yours is out of place.” I thought it over for a minute before scratching my head.
“Give me a minute.” I requested, garnering an understanding nod from the pegasus. After taking, what must have been an eternity, to let the circus in my head die down to a manageable background noise I gave the nurse a nod of approval.
“Wonderful,” the pegasus cheered, “now first we need to get you up and out of bed. Now remember to take it nice and slow we don't want to-” I didn't bother to let him finish the thought as I got up. While I didn't shoot up like a bullet, I felt well enough that I could manage.
Big mistake; man I seem to be full of those lately.
I wasn't even out of bed yet but the steady pace onto my haunches and off my back already made my world shift and move like waves of water. The vertigo quickly caused me to grip the side of my head as I waited for the room to steady. Though the waves seemed to quickly calm down within mere moments there was still a noticeable sway of things around me. The only upside was the raging circus didn't start back up, though the same couldn't be said for the sensation of my brain rolling around. With every slight shift in the room, I felt my brain crash against the inside of noggin. It was a jarring sensation that did little to help my vertigo, but I was determined to power through it.
“Careful Phoenix, injuries for a filly, especially of your age, are no joke. That's not even to mention its head trauma no less!” The nurse squealed as if that fact weren't obvious, “just take it nice and slow and we-” once again I cut him off with a steady motion to my hooves. I’ve laid enough hospital beds for one lifetime, thank you. My defiance seemed to leave the poor nurse traumatized; unsure how to respond to my lack of cooperation.
“Phoenix slowly please!” the nurse pleaded once again and once again I ignored the nurse’s words.
The world was immediately swaying like a violent ocean amidst a brewing storm. Only now, I had to stand during the violent swaying as opposed to simply sitting and riding it out. The wild and sudden fluctuations of the room made my legs feel like jelly in the midst of a bouncy castle. To the nurse's credit, they did rush over to try and help me steady out. Unfortunately for them I brushed him off.
“I can stand just fine,” I told him. Though he was clearly unconvinced, he did stop trying to aid me. The nurse did however stand ready to step in as necessary.
“What's next,” I asked as I looked up to him, after taking a long second to let the room settle down and.
“Has any pony ever told you you’re a stubborn filly?”
“Plenty,” I answered with an indifferent shrug of my shoulders. The nurse just shook his head at the reply but reluctantly gave a series of simple instructions. Each one painfully slower than the last as he watched over me like a mother hen. Gagging every small reaction with nervous vigilance and every completion with pure joy. The test, if you could call them that were fairly simple: Walk in a straight line, place my hoof on my nose and stuff I could only recall seeing in one of those old policing shows when they were testing drunk drivers. All of which for a healthy guy would have been a walk in the park. Unfortunately, I didn't seem to fall in that category right now, and not just because I was in a filly's body. Thankfully however after spending several minutes playing Simon says, the nurse gave an approving nod.
“Shaky but dare I say it, you seem well enough to see your friends! How's that sound?” he praised, as if the offer was akin to rewarding a dog. I'm sure he was expecting some sort of jubilation at the prospect, as when I gave a face of indifference to the ‘reward’ he seemed utterly stupefied. Having said that, my indifference wasn't quite for the same reasons it used to be, instead it was now because I was suppressing the urge to cringe at the words in the only way I knew how. Friends was far from the word I’d use, especially after causing this whole headache.
“Are they all okay,” I managed to finally ask.
“Teratorn is fine, he just had a wing joint dislocated. Carapace is in a healthy condition inside her hospital room. Truth be told Phoenix, you got the worst of it. They both got minor injuries and you unfortunately received some serious head trauma. Well, all head trauma is serious, but- ugh you know what I mean, anyway don't worry! We had the best creatures working on your case and you’re projected to make a full recovery,” he beamed.
Though I wasn’t well versed in the medical field I knew head trauma typically had long lasting implications. So, the nurse was either keeping the severity of the injury from me or I really did somehow get off scot free. Given this was pony world and not Earth, I’m not sure which seemed more likely. Especially given older ponies tendency to think of me as a normal small filly and lie to soften the blow of things. Ultimately however given he seemed confident in my ability to walk I chalked it up to the latter. Which was probably the first and only upside of today's events so far.
“Okay, I'll go,” I finally agreed; the reluctance in my voice once again seemed to catch him off guard.
“Well, we don't have to go.”
“No, it's fine. C-can I just clean up first?”
“Of course. The restroom is right over here,” he said, guiding me to the edge of my room, careful to make sure I didn’t fall over. As I pulled the door over, I gave him a thankful nod and stepped inside. Though as I closed the door I could see him gripping a key nervously. Likely the one to the restroom on the offhand chance he needed to unlock it if I fell over inside. A bit of an odd thought, but it was quickly pushed to the back of my mind as I caught sight of myself in the mirror.
The same white, red filly with a pair of yellow eyes as always… Oddly enough however, the fur was more pristine and colorful than usual. It wasn't a clean sheen coat of innocent white and passionate, fiery, red but it was more vibrant than any other time I could recall. Even my eyes seemed to sparkle with life. I slowly moved my hoof to brush my mane back and it naturally brushed back like flowing water instead of giving its normal tangled resistance.
I guess the hospital had done a good job of keeping me groomed while I was out. Better than I had, that was for sure. I was honest with myself, despite the fact I wasn't still quite sold on being a filly, the cleaner, more vibrant look was definitely easier on the eyes. In a sense It was ironic as I’d never looked more alive as a pony and yet never felt so dead.
Though not in the same sense as I have used in the past. That death felt more… foregone. Like I was already dead. It was hollow and cold like an empty coffin long since buried away. Now however it felt more visceral and in the moment. Whereas the old one felt like a forgone conclusion and this one felt like the process of dying. It was a sharp jagged knife thrust into my gut and sadistically twisting with remorse. No matter how much I wanted it to stop though, I was stuck in this perpetual eternity of pain.
I felt sick from the pain as it twisted its way deeper into my gut and my mind, knotting my insides into a ball of uncomfortable anxiety and pain. There was only one way to take this knife out and untangle the knife and that was to remove it. Though that's the thing I suppose… Pulling an object out always hurts more than just sitting there and it is often the deadlier choice if not properly treated. It was that fact that left me frozen and unable to will myself to simply remove it. Instead, I longed for it to kill me and put me back in the coffin. Somehow, I knew however that wouldn't happen as I’d tasted life and there was no going back. Not really.
"Phoenix, are you okay," the nurse called from outside.
There was only one choice really then.
"Phoenix," he called more sternly as I heard his hoofs head for the door
I took a deep breath and wobbled back to the door to meet the nurse.
Nurse Healing Balm walked Phoenix through the labyrinth-like corridors of the hospital. While he didn’t like walking the filly out this far, the head trauma department was unfortunately on the near opposite side of Carapace’s care room. Worse yet the filly refused to let him use a wheelchair to cart her to the room. Every moment made him regret making the offer more than the last. To the point he almost just called off their whole trip or forced her into a wheelchair before she fell and hurt herself more.
To Phoenix's credit however, she seemed to walk on just fine despite the distance, well as fine as a filly in her condition could that is. While she wobbled from time to time and was slow, she otherwise seemed to carry on well enough. Admittedly though, he was unsure how much of that was from the actual healing and how much was from the filly’s stubbornness. Given their brief interaction though, he was inclined to believe the latter.
He looked down at the filly from time to time with a worried expression across his muzzle, though Phoenix didn't seem to notice and seemed to instead be lost in her own head. A twisted look of deep contemplation rested upon her furrowed brows as she stared blankly at the floor. He wondered momentarily what had her so enthralled, but he wouldn’t get his answer. As before he could work up the nerve to ask, they had found themselves upon Phoenix's other friends.
All of whom were sitting outside Carapace’s room with their Head Stallion chaperoning. Not that he was surprised, non-family and staff couldn't get into the head trauma center, so it made sense they were, instead, waiting here for a chance to see their other less vertebrae inclined friend.
While the children admittedly looked bored, waiting for approval to enter the room that quickly changed with the appearance of phoenix. A moment later the group seemed to spring to life from their onset boredom. The first was the red colt who bounced up with remarkable speed before basically crashing into Pheonix; causing healing balms heart to drop in terror.
“Hey she still isn't-” he tried to explain but was cut short by the colts over enthusiastic cry.
“Nix!” The colt happily cried as he swept her in a tight hug, “I thought for sure your head, or something exploded into like a bazillion pieces!”
“Zeal! You're going to crush her!” the other similarly colored filly cried. To which Phoenix just gave a curt grunt as she tried to wiggle out of the colt's grasp before stopping to hold her head.
“Alright,” the head stallion interjected, “that's enough.” A moment later he was pulling Zeal off as he helped the shaky Phoenix to her feet, quietly sharing a few words with her before giving a satisfied nod. He then slowly turned his attention back to the nurse.
“We beg your pardon. They are a... Rowdy bunch,” Virulent lesson bashfully apologized on behalf of his wards.
“I am not a howdy! I'm from Cloudsdale not some badland, squat town, place!” Zeal objected; puffing out his cheeks a bit.
“He said rowdy,” Ribbon groaned as she grinded her face into the fetlock of her hoof from secondhand embarrassment or maybe rather firsthand embarrassment was more apt given her relation to Zeal.
“Rowdy: to be coarse or boisterous in nature,” The residential encyclopedia casually defined from his seat. Healing Balm Blinked a bit in surprise at the diction of choice from the large gryphon, though his attention was quickly pulled back to the ball of energy that was Zeal.
“Thank you, Teratorn,” Zeal sarcastically grumbled; clearly flustered with being wrong, “I know what rrr, row-rwow-sy-rwowzy,” he lied; doing his best to hide his embarrassment beneath a deadpan look of seriousness. Ribbon, in response, gave a groan of embarrassed and drove her muzzle deeper into her hoof at her brother's blatant ignorance as if to try and escape the situation.
“In any event,” Teratorn continued, “it's great to see you in such immaculate Health Phoenix.” he finished only to lightly jab his fellow gryphon, Star, in the side for staying silent for so long.
“Hu? Oh. yea good to see you,” The gryphon halfheartedly added. This caused Healing Balm to scratch his cheek a bit in confusion over what could have spurred that response. Though in truth the answer he was seeking was much closer than he would have ever guessed.
“Alright then. With that out of the way, doctor-” Virulent began.
“Nurse,” Healing balm corrected, to which Virulent lesson cleared his throat with a cough and nodded.
“Sorry. Alright nurse,” he apologetically corrected, “can we all see Carapace now?”
“One moment,” Healing Balm said as he privately stepped inside to check on Carapace. After a few moments he stepped out and motioned the group in. Star was the first to leap inside to check on Carapace, as usual while the rest of the group followed in, in an unorganized fashion. With Phoenix hesitantly taking up the rear; only coming in with the assistance and insistence of Healing Balm. Carapace herself sat in a simple looking bed; being smothered under the some odd dozen pounds of feathers and fur that was Star, who was eagerly hugging her to near death. This caused another miniature panic attack in Healing Balm as he had to rip off the gryphon from the bed ridden ling.
“She's still recovering,” the nurse cried in terror. Though admittedly while she was probably in better shape than Phoenix he still wanted to air on the side of caution. Regardless the whole ordeal made him start to second guess if it was a wise idea to let these children see their friends. While he didn't want these children to boredly stare at walls all day and didn't have any family, expect each other, to visit. Their naturally rowdy nature left him feeling nervous as if one of them were just going. His thoughts didn't get much further however as they were irrupted by a giggle from Carapace.
Carapace was, of course, thrilled to see every creature again, though it was when she caught sight of Phoenix that her mood really soared to new heights. “Phoenix!” she beamed, “thank the hive above you’re okay. I heard you were recovering but part of me just didn't believe it. I'm glad you're okay.”
“I-? Oh, yea. Thanks... And thank you for keeping me from becoming a colored splat on the ground too,” the filly nervously replied; uneasily shifting from side to side. Carapace easily caught taste of the almost bitteresk unease radiating off Phoenix causing her smile to slowly fade.
“I'm okay, Phoenix, really I am, “she assured, “and we have Teratorn to thank for that.” She added, shooting a grateful nod his way. Causing the titanic gryphon to break out into a flustered blush as he shot a bashful nod.
“It was really nothing,” he replied.
“Oh, don't say that it was only because you caught us and redirected us into a cloud, and took the brunt of the impact we got off scratch free.”
“Really, it was nothing,” he insisted.
“Nothing?” Star interjected, with a hint of shock and frustration from hearing his friends laid back reply, “I think a broken wing and leg are more than nothing.”
“I well-” Teratorn began before being cut off by Phoenix who turned to him with a shocked expression. Suddenly Carapace could taste a bolstered wave of remorse and regret eat away at the white filly.
“You what?!” Phoenix cried.
“I’m fine really. And it was a dislocated wing and barely a transverse fracture,” Teratorn insisted, “not that it matters now. I’ve made a full recovery. Well least good enough to be cleared from the Hospital.” Carapace knew that was a half-truth at best. She could still see the way he occasionally winced when he put too much pressure on his foreleg and from the looks of it Phoenix didn’t buy it either. Teratorn however would abruptly stop any further conversation of his injury as he turned its focus back on Carapace.
“Anyway. How's your leg,” he asked with a cough. To which she simply sighed, laying back down in bed.
“Useless still. It's completely ruined and unusable now. I still can't even walk or stand,” she answered, but quickly continued before Phoenix could break out into a panic attack, “having said that, at least my next molting will make it as good as new.” Teratorn simply gave a satisfied nod while Phoenix sighed in relief.
“That's wonderful,” Star cooed; a grin exploding from his beak.
“Changeling bodies are weird. How does that even work?” Zeal questioned; looking to Teratorn for answers. Though all Teratorn gave in response was a simple shrug.
“What do you mean you don't know?!”
“I’m not a biologist, let alone a xenobiologist.”
“But you’re, like, super, mega, wicked smart!” To which the gryphon gave a sheepish smile.
“Thank you, but to put it laypony terms, this stuff is out of my field of expertise. If you want to know the meaning and themes behind Hamlet though, then I’m your gryphon.”
“Well how does it work then doctor?”
“Nurse,” Ribbon corrected with a groan. Healing balm just chuckled.
“That's a long and complicated answer but put simply: Changelings have a thing called an exoskeleton. Unlike us it can't just organically grow on the fly or heal. So instead, as they get older a new exoskeleton is built beneath their old one and when it's ready, they shed off the old one.” The nurse explained; causing Zeal to gag.
“That's gross,” Zeal said, sticking out his tongue to display his disgust.
“Possibly but it's not too terribly different from dandruff for instance.”
“How so?”
“Well dandruff is just dead cells you shed,” Teratorn interjected.
“I thought you said you weren't a biologist thingy!” Zeal quipped back
“I’m not but that's fairly common knowledge,” Teratorn rebutted.
“Children please.” Virulent warned, his patience clearly growing thin.
“Anyway, how long till your molting Carapace,” Starling asked as he turned attention back on the ling.
“Oh, maybe another two months or so,” she answered
“Gha thats way too long,” Star frustratedly complained as he titled his head in sympathetic annoyance.
“Sorry...”
“Don't be its not your fault,” Star assured gently, hugging the seafoam ‘ling again though this time much gentler as not to spark the panic of Healing Balm. Though Healing Balm probably would not have noticed, as his attention was on the white filly next to him who was grimacing at Star's comment. He nearly nudged her to assure Phoenix it was okay, but Carapace beat him to the punch.
“It's not your fault either Phoenix, and even if it was, I forgive you then,” Carapace beamed.
“Then whos fault is it’” Star demanded.
“No creatures,” she answered.
“This isn't like a freak storm! Things like this just don't happen,” Star scowled.
“Starling please,” the changeling pleaded, “there's no reason to point hooves.” The disgruntled gryphon was about to say something more, and though Virulent lesson stopped him before he could, the whole group seemed to know what he was about to say as they all primitively grimaced.
“That, is, enough,” Virulent said in a calmness that scared even Healing balm. A calmness that he could only describe as that controlled rage he had only seen from his mother when he was young before, she tore into him. Starling meanwhile just gave an annoyed groan and threw up his wings.
“Fine,” Star agreed. Though the situation seemed defused before it even began, the air still felt heavy with malice and Phoenix's head still hung low with renewed guilt. The rest of the children's time together never quite recovered from the simmering unease buried just beneath. In fact, past that point the conversation lasted little longer than a few minutes before it just went to awkward silence. Maybe this was a bad idea… healing balm thought.
“Alright children say your goodbyes. I think it's time we let Phoenix and Carapace get some rest,” Virulent lesson declared
“But its barely noon,” Zeal protested.
“Exactly, and I think that means you’ve missed enough classes for the day,” Virulent lesson replied causing the colt to groan. With that Virulent Lesson gathered up four of his six children and made their way towards the door. Healing balm turned his attention to Phoenix who was looking at Carapace with a grimace of discomfort. Carapace on the other hoof just gave Phoenix a reassuring smile of comfort as if to say she'd be okay. The white pegasus opened her muzzle as if to say something in kind but just shut it and gave a nod with an awkward grateful smile.
“Alright Phoenix, would you like to stay a bit longer,” Healing Balm offered. The filly seemed to think it over for a long few minutes before shaking her head, though she didn't seem entirely sure of herself. After waiting a second to see if the filly changed her mind he began to speak. “Alright then let's get you back to your room.”
“Alright, yea,” the filly complacently agreed with a nod. Healing balm held back a sigh, this had not gone as he planned, at all. Oh well, he began to reason, If nothing else it was at least a good chance to get her leg muscles out and stretched again.
As the pair left the room, Healing Balm made sure to proactively check for any mess the group may have left before closing Carapace door. Phoenix closely followed behind as he stepped out, careful not to get in the way of the stallion.
“Do you want to stop and get a drink or something before we get back to your room,” Healing Balm offered.
“It's fine,” the filly reactively shrugged
“That's hardly an answer,” he pointed out.
“Fine then,” the filly relented, “water is fine.” Healing Balm gave a nod as he guided her along for a fountain on their way back.
My actual time in the hospital following that wasn't long. Granted it was longer than I'd have liked, a month to be exact, but I was already being sent back off to the orphanage. Unfortunately the same could not be said for Carapace who was stuck there till her next molting. Which, as far as I could tell, was still a couple of months off.
I lowered my head in regret as I followed Virulent Lesson back into the orphanage. Despite Carapace's reassurance I still felt a tinge of regret for her predicament. The others, well most of them, tried to insist it was only temporary and she'd be back just fine in a month or two. To which I could only give mock nods of gratefulness for their reassurance, but in truth, it did little to alleviate the feeling inside. The guilt ebbed away at me bit by bit and their words did nothing to stop that fact.
Though slow and only a small bit at a time, it was like the endless torrent waves against the rocky coast. With time the guilt ate away at me bit by tiny bit. It wasn't until a whole part of me was long since eroded away under the onslaught of regret I finally realized just how much of a toll this had on me.
I felt like I was drowning again. Having my head just above water only for it to be violently forced back under the dark, icy, waves before I could even so much as getting my breath of air. The water’s frigid temperatures siphoned away any, and all, the warmth from my body. Imbuing me with the frigid sense of dread in its palace. It felt like a total relapse in the most hellish way possible. I wanted to run my hooves through my hair and scream if only to expel some of the water drowning my lungs.
Though I must have let out my emotions more externally than I had intended to. As when I finally managed to notice what was going on around me, I saw the rest of Carapace's friend group staring at me awkwardly. Whom likely had been there, unsure how to approach me, for several moments. Even without their organic emotion detector they were still acutely away of my dread.
“What the hay does f-” Zeal began to ask before his sister shushed him.
“When you're older,” she said.
“Older? I'm older than you!”
“By three seconds,” she countered, “anyway Phoenix you uh… Alright there?”
They all stared at me as if I had contracted some weird alien disease they would catch if they'd stepped too close. I wasn't sure what I’d said, but I had a few guesses. None of which should have been in any child's vocabulary; even in the walking lexicon’s.
The realization caused a second surge of embarrassment and regret to crash over me. At least the new warmth in my cheeks was a nice break in the cold regret that had been washing over me. Small victories and all that… As hollow as they may be.
I brought my head down under the weight of embarrassment nagging at it. Apologetic words quickly tried to spew from my mouth like a waterfall in an awkward, sheepish fashion. Though all that made it out were Incoherent squeaks and babbles.
Figures I dont mean to say anything and I say some swear without realizing it, try and apologize and nothing can get out my stupid muzzle.
The only saving grace was Virulent lesson was too far ahead to hear us, or at the very least he pretended not to.
After thoroughly making a fool of myself the group seemd to awkwardly shift back into form as to head inside. Most of them seeming happy to just forget the incident and brush it aside; quick to converse amongst themselves once more.
I grimaced and shifted to the back of the herd while they walked back inside. At which point I couldn't help but notice how empty it was. Granted it was still super early in the morning, the sun hadn't even broken past the horizon yet, when we got back. So most kids were probably asleep or just waking up. It felt strangeling alienating and isolating, even though I had the rest of the group right here. Well, I did have the rest of the group right there.
At some point, though I don't know when due to being preoccupied with awkwardly fidgeting my hooves, the group seemingly disbursed and vanished. Presumably back to their dorms; and I was left alone without so much as a bye. Probably because of my whole awkward outburst…
Though it wasn't as if I’d have expected different, I wouldn't really want to be around me either. With a simple shake of my head, I raised my eyes to gander at the crossroads before me as the hallway broke into two directions. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I couldn't remember which path was the right one. The darkness and alien feeling of the orphanage did little to help me orient myself. Leaving the whole ordeal up to a gamble. All choices of which were equally probable.
“Great…” I mumbled to myself as I carefully tried to discern the right way, only to come up empty-handed err hoofed. Both, at least at a glance, were undisguisable from one another, but only one could be the right way. The other would likely lead to me just wasting my time and probably somehow getting even more lost.
“Of course,” I frustratedly sighed, “it's never easy.” I glanced between my two options before biting the bullet and walking; praying the path I chose was the right one.
I must have chosen wrong. Because as I dumbly fumbled my way through the sameish repetitive halls I ended up running face-first into a mens’, stallions’? , guys’? Restrooms door. Ruining any hope of progression along my path and instead of sending me square on my flank with an aching muzzle to boot. I winced as I rubbed my bruised muzzle. Which had quickly turned a bright red of pain that seemed to glow slightly in the dim light of the orphanage.
“Are you ok-” a familiar voice began to say before stopping, “oh Phoniex,” Starling finished coldly. In a matter of split-second, it went from concern to surprise to seeming annoyance. Though I couldn't say I was surprised.
“What do you need,” He asked, his voice sounding as if he had just swallowed something unGodly bitter and was trying to hold it down, “your dorm isn't even on this side of the building.”
“I was trying to find my way back to my room,” I answered; wincing as I rubbed my muzzle a bit too hard causing another jolt of pain to run through it.
“So you're lost,” he asked with a suppressed snort of amusement, “Maybe if you actually bothered to pay attention you’d know the layout of this place better.” I grimaced at the accusation, he was… probably right there. Normally I just kinda absently mindedly went on autopilot wandering after the herd while my mind was elsewhere. Never really paying attention to, well ANYTHING.
“Yeah …” I admitted with a sigh, “you’re probably right. Do you mind giving me a hoof, err claw? talon?”
“I don't know. I wouldn't understand being lost here. Seems to alien a problem for me to understand. Maybe you should handle it yourself.” My heart sunk at the rebuttal.
“Listen I- I’m so-”
“I don't want to hear it, Phoenix. Don't you think you’ve done enough after you put Carapace in the hospital?” I grimaced at the accusation as I awkwardly fumbled back as if he had just stabbed me with his words.
“She… she said it was alright and forgave me,” I parried, though neither of us believed that made it alright. But it was all I had.
“Yeah well I don't,” he casually defected. The creases on my face worsened at the retort. Of course, he hadn't. Normally I probably would have said he was being childish. Or maybe he was being unreasonable but… He was right… At least well within his rights to not forgive me.
I just sighed as I slowly met his gaze with a defeated look.
“What do you want?” I asked, hoping that maybe I could try and mend this rift.
“I want you to get lost before you end up hurting someone again.” Each word was another blow, striking closer to my heart than the last.
“Star, please-” I began before he cut me off to continue his assault with his blade of choice.
“It's STARLING to you. Only my friends can call me that, and from what I recall you didn't want to be friends, and after everything you've done I don't want to either.” The last sentence finally found its mark. My body just kinda shut down on me as my eyes fell back down to the ground. While I could no longer see Starling but I could feel his body radiate with happy relief to finally get that off his chest.
“I don’t even get why the others put up with you. I get Carapace because she's well… Carapace. But the others? I don't get how they can put up with your woe is me, shtick and then you actively dismiss them and put them to the side when they try and help. I just wish they were tired of your attitude too.” he finished as he retracted his sword out of my gut only to turn tail and walk off like nothing had happened. In single exchange of words I'd lost the duel. Not that I really put up a fight but every choice my mind could think of to counter his assault felt wrong and every parry I did give was the incorrect one until finally, it was over. The only upside here I guess is he chose to make it a quick mercy killing instead of prolonging the duel at least. Not that it was any consolation.
For a long few minutes after I simply sat there with feelings I don't have the words for. Even the stinging pain in my nose welt numb compared to whatever was twisting in my gut. My mind repeated the conversation in my head looking for any way I could have maybe corrected course. But I ultimately came up as empty-handed as I started. Maybe the truth of the matter was there was no right path and I’d just have to accept that. As much as I hated it.
Starling’s mood had significantly soured since that little run-in. Actually little might have even been an understatement. Before he ran into Phoenix he had been fairly decent. But that filly was like a disease. The longer she lingered the worse his mood had gotten. If she had just kept to herself, maybe, her somewhat lone wolfish nature would have been passable, but she didn't. This time it also cost his friends, most notably Carapace, to get hurt and that was unforgivable.
The thought alone caused his claws to clench and his blood to boil. He felt liek a volcano about to uncontrollably explode. He nearly put his claws into the wall to alleviate some of his frustration only to stop just before he could do damage. Instead, he gave a frustrated growl of annoyance. With some of his frustration now alleviated he pulled his sharpened claws back and indignantly stomped the ground.
Maybe he just needed some good clay between his talons to slowly beat off his growing stress, the gryphon reasoned. With another brief snort escaped his nose hole before he began to make his way towards the art room again. The whole while his thoughts were a duality of anger for Phoniex and the need to get his mind off his stress.
That brat,
Relax,
She did this,
Just ignore her.
His thoughts went back and forth like this for a long while he wandered the halls towards the art room; only to be stopped by possibly the only voice he wanted to hear less than Phoenix's.
“I was wondering what could be causing such a ruckus. Figured it had to be you or Teratorn,” the smarmy voice practically sang in perverted delight. Star felt his gut nearly wretch at the noise; he quickly started walking again to try and put space between him and the other gryphon. Unfortunately, he could hear the other gryphon give pursuit. It was quite especially in comparison to his annoyed breathing and loud thoughts, but he could definitely hear his pursuers feet heavily crush into the icy cloud floor.
“Go away, Albatross, I'm not in the mood.”
“Oh relax, I’m not here to hassle you, this time….”
“Then what do you want,” Star irritably demanded as he kept walking.
“Simple! We both hate Phonioex, right?” Starling didn't answer that question but it was enough to make him stop dead in his tracks and turn to face the other gryphon. Albatross wore a smug grin that his voice didn't due nearly enough justice, seeming pleased to have so easily hooked Starling. The whole thing made him want to deck the gryphon cross the face. But Starling refused to stoop to Albatross’ level.
Though it did raise the question did he hate Phoniex? He certainly didn't like her, far from it he was certain on that front. But did he realy hate the filly? Sure he was frustrated with her, more than usual, but hate felt like a strong word. Starling’s internal doubt however was visible, and like blood in the water, Albatross attacked. Eager to clam down on Starling and drag him deep into the depths of his domain, of the dark cold waters.
“Well I don't even know why I asked, Of course, you do,” he began. Starling began to speak up in protest but Albatross cut him off before Starling could even rationalize his own thoughts.
“She put your beloved Carapce in the Hospital. Shes constantly spit in you and your friends' faces. Really she's quite the parasite,” Albatross singsongly hummed, “Anyway, are you interested?”
Much to Albatros's delight, he could see the internal conflict in Starling’s mind spread like a poison. His face twisting from conflicting thoughts to hesitation.
“In what,” Starling cautiously prodded
“To get back at the little brat, duh. She's clearly teed you off, after putting Carapce in such a dangerous situation. She has possibly teed you off even more than myself, and for that, I think it's only fair she gets her due.” Star thought on it for a long few moments. The powder keg in his mind nearly exploded from the memories of seeing Carapce in the hospital bed and Teratorn with a cast.
“Why do you need me,” starling continued making sure to keep a neutral tone as to try and feign disinterest. His face however revealed all Albatross needed to know. Star was hooked, albeit reluctantly, now he just needed to keep him hooked.
“I can't even go near Phoenix anymore,” he began in an annoyed grumble, “but Virulent lesson never said anything about you,” Starling shivered at the smile coming from Albatross as he began his explanation. It was like one might have expected from a lion about to catch a mouse. Leaving only one question in Starling's mind… Who was the mouse? Phoenix or him? Albatross’ glee only seemed to grow as his eyes continued to study Star’s reaction.
“I see I’ve got you interested.”
“I never said that.”
“Oh please. I can see it in your eyes. You're mad and want to get back at her too after EVERYTHING she's done to you, your friends, to Carapace.” It honestly disgusted Starling somewhat to let Albatross so casually say Carapce’s name, but for the time being his attention and frustrations were being funneled at Phoniex so he let it slide.
“But you know if you just wanna skip my offer,” Albatross continued,” than fine, beat it and dont bother coming back to me.” The aggressive pitch had done as Albatross had hoped and more as Starling let out a reluctant sigh. His venomous words kept Starling still while he continued to drag him further and further down.
“Fine…” Star agreed as his eyes finally moved to meet Albatross. The dichotomy couldn't have been more clear. Star half stood slouched over and defeated with hints of anger brewing under his tired expression. In contrast, Albatross Stood tall and proudly with a grin that could have given Celestia’s sun a run for its money.
The two spent the next hour planning their collective payback. To Albatros's dismay, and Starling’s relief, Albatross had to admit they couldn't get physical otherwise Virulent Lesson would get involved and save Phoenix from her rightful punishment. So instead Albatross proposed a simple rumor here, a bit of a lie there and some casual gossip sprinkled on top; from there the rest of Wings of Care would do the work for them. They'd make sure every creature in Wings of Care was talking about her by this time next week.
Given Phoenix hardly interact with anyone and already had a reputation as a bit of an stand-offish filly, it would be easy enough… Except for Starling’s friends. They’d likely be quick to try and dismiss the rumors and stand up for Phoenix before they had time to root themselves in reality and fester. That's where Star came in. He needed to keep Them away from Phoenix until the rumors reached critical mass. In which case the rumor would be perceived as gospel and it wouldn't matter what Starling’s friends tried to do. With any luck they’d abandon Phoenix to save their own reputations or maybe even believe it themselves.
Starling didn’t exactly like having to mislead his friends, but in truth, he had already wanted them to avoid Phoenix. She had already done nothing but make their lives worse and hurt them when they just tried to help. So if Albatross’ plan worked then they might just decide to up and leave her on her own which was definitely a net positive. Despite all that he couldn't help but feel like he was making a deal with a hungry snake, fangs at the ready. When they finally shook on it he had only hope that Phoenix was the prey.
“Glad to hear it, I'll get to work on my half of the deal today,” Albatross practically sang.
“Yea yea,” Star grumbled.
“Chin up. You're not having second thoughts already are you Stary?” Albatross teased.
“Don't ever call me that again,” Star growled; much to Albatross' chagrin.
“Sure, sure,” he promised, “may this be to: a fruitful and productive partnership.”
“It’s a mutual deal at best. Don’t act like we're friends,” Star warned.
“Oh come now, that's no way to treat your partner.” To which Star groaned in frustration as he stormed off. All while Albatross crackle madly like a vulture to himself; heading off his own way. Just like that the pieces were at play. Albatross just needed to hope Star didn't back down, having said that he already had an insurance policy if he did. All he needed to do, If Star had second thoughts, was threaten to tell his friends what Star had agreed to and that would keep him in line. For the first time in a while Things were looking up for the gryphon and he was more than delighted to finally bring that air-headed filly back down to Equestria after what she she did to him. On top of that it would also likely break up that annoying friend circle of Starling’s. Always so happy and caring to one another, it made him gag in disgust and some gryphon needed to show them that life sucked. So who better than one of their own to do that.
The last thought made his grin nearly double in sadistic delight. Two birds for one stone, it really couldn't get any better. For once, life really was looking up for the young gryphon and he was eager to keep it that way by any means.
It didn't take long for the rumors to spread like wildfire. Children both young and old loved gossip. It was the spice of life in their otherwise boring home. A white lie there a fib there and a half truth here and the dorm rooms were lit ablaze with ferrous vitreal for the white pegasus.
“I heard she likes mares,” one filly giggled
“My friend told me he saw her steal another kid's lunch.” another added
“Yea then she ruined another one’s paining!” one shrieked
“Heard her parents abandoned her because shes full of demons.”
“Really?! I guess that would explain a lot…”
“Right!”
“I heard it was her mom that was the demon.”
“Does it matter?”
“Guess not.”
The orphanage had seemed overnight to have turned into a raging inferno of rumors and half-truths. Though gossip, much like fire, was just as quick to die out without consent fuel. Fuel Albatross was happy to add to every chance he got. Each story more outlandish than the last. Each rumor more incendiary than the first. By the end of the week if words could catch things on fire, all of Clouds Dale would have been burned to smolders from his escapades and he was revealing in it.
At first Phoenix had hardly noticed. They had hardly paid much of the kids any mind, if at all, to begin with. Though anypony, even as mentally and emotionally isolated as Phoenix, could only walk into so many rooms and not notice the whispers. They were childish at first and arguably harmless so she opted to ignore them as the rumor of the day. But quickly spiraled into outright harassment with foals chasing her off if she came to close. Students frequently made sure she was last in line and to grab plenty of extra food to keep her from getting much if at all.
While at first Phoenix didn’t seem to care much when the rumors started that she had gotten a sadistic pleasure in injuring Carapace and Teratorn, was when the whole ordeal started to visibly wear down on the filly. Between the constant reminding and gaslighting of children Phoenix could feel their stomachs churn in shame. While Carapce had helped alleviate her festering feelings the constant harassment of children fed Phoniex’s doubts.
Did she really do it on purpose? She would wonder to herself as she laid in bed on another sleepless night.
All the while Starling kept his word, albeit with a little bit of ‘encouragement’ from his least favorite gryphon. Starling constantly came up with new things to do with his friends to keep them preoccupied. Like going to visit Carapace, keeping him company in the art room or even reading. Though it only worked for so long. As they were quick to notice Phoniex absence, to which Starling deflected saying she simply turned down his offers. Once they noticed the rumors however they felt the need to quickly try and step in; even with Starling’s attempts to halt their attempts.
Though at this point he knew it probably didn't matter… The rumors were a raging inferno and his friends were pales of buckets in comparison. He knew they couldn't stop it and worst case scenario they got caught in the inferno of harassment and rummors.
Part of him wanted to blame Phoniex for that. Another thing the filly would do to ruin their life. But the other part of him knew better. He may not have lit the proverbial match, but he surely didn't help smother it out. He shouldn't have helped, he knew that much, what would Carapce or the rest of his friends think if they knew? The thought ate away at him till he felt hollow inside.
He slowly slumped back against his bed frame, face in talons as he mentally lamented himself in regret. Phoenix was a pain, he was still convinced of that much, but she didnt deserves this. No creature did. Well if Phoniex and his friend's reputations and lives were about to go up in flames, he figured it was only just and right for him to follow suit for what he had done. And maybe, just maybe, if he were lucky they could maybe salvage Phoneix's time here.
