MLP Loops 152
152.1 (Scorntex)
Long ago, there did live a third Princess, Pinkamena Diane Pie. So great was her command of the culinary arts that she found herself assailed by those seeking her guidance. In her desire to some simple peace and quiet, Princess Pie did retreat from the world of mortals, hiding in the calm and distant part of the world.
One day, a traveller, seeking to learn all that was learnable, managed to locate the hiding kitchen-palace of Princess Pie. Said he unto her: "Oh, princess fair and slightly scary, I wish to learn from thee. Teach me the ways of the unsurprised Pinkie Pie."
The Princess did gaze upon him, and spoke thus: "Lo, fair Bruce Wayne. It hath been far too long since I last saw thee. Why dost thou seeketh me, when thou art already skilled in the art of prepardyness."
The traveller did scowl. "That's not a real word."
"Who art the Princess here?" Replied the most radiant smiler in all the land.
The traveller did concede this point, and right he was too, for her pink-nesses' qualifications was inescapably clear. "I seek knowledge thou might have in the hopes there may be something new I may learn."
Concurrent to this did he add, "A decision I regret further with each passing moment."
And lo, did her bounciness declare unto him: "Nay, brooding lord of Bats! I shalt not teach thee! Unless... unless thou maketh me a sandwich!"
"A sandwich?" Asked the traveller. Her most refulgent partiness did confirm this.
"A sandwich. The ingredients matter not, only that is must meet acceptable standards of tastiness and snackaliciousness! Thou hast one day to prepare unto me this sandwich, and if it should pass mustard, I shall tell thee what I know... eth."
The traveller did depart. Long of hour did he labour to prepare unto Pie the sandwich of acceptableness, until the appointed hour came upon him.
Presented unto her randomness did he the sandwich. And she, oh loveliest of parties, examined it.
"Ick!" She did instantly decry. "What hast thou done to this poor sandwich? What catastrophic culinary crimes have you inflicted, to create such a misshapen abomination?"
"Tisn't that bad..." The traveller did protest. A single glare from her higness stopped this.
"This is no sandwich! What it is, I have no words, for the realm of such things as these are beyond my ken! And it smells like something that slithered forth from Hogwart's privies!"
A thunderous look crossed her muzzle, and with a clear voice she spread forth her wings. "Thou hast failed thy appointed task, Bruce of Wayne! Thou hast failed bad! And I shall not teach thee my secrets, not now nor ever, for thou art unworthy of my knowledge! Leave this instant, and take that... thing with you, before Gummy tries to eat it."
Without a word, the traveller turned upon his hooves and left, never to be seen again.
There was utter silence in Big Macintosh's bar. After several minutes, Twilight Sparkle spoke.
"Pinkie?"
"Yuh-huh?"
"Did any of that actually happen, at all?"
Pinkie Pie nodded. Twilight Sparkle's expression didn't change in the slightest. Pinkie just giggled.
"Well, I may have jazzed it up a teeny, tiny bit." She grinned. "Brucie didn't really come looking for me, and I wasn't living in a cave. But I was really a Princess that loop. And the sandwich was pretty bad..."
After a few seconds Twilight sighed, and took another swig from her drink.
152.2 (Evilhumour)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #1
"Okaaaaay, let's do a quick catch up Twi?" Vinyl blinked as she stared at the lake in front of her. "I thought you were going to help me learn to use my wub hooves so why are we here?"
"We're here for a reason Vinyl," Twilight said, holding a checklist in front of her. "Before you can start flying properly with your sonic propulsion hooves, we need to do some basic tests and experiments beforehand."
"And crashing into a pond is a lot better then into the ground, trust me." Rainbow Dash said from her cloud, watching the scene carefully. "So let Twilight do her egghead tests with your wub hooves and I'll swoop and save your flanks if things get out of control."
"Sounds good to me," Vinyl shrugged, rolling her neck. "So what's first on the old listie Twi?"
Twilight's left ear flicked at the nicknames being used but she moved past them. "Air resistant goggles?"
Vinyl took off her purple tinted glasses, reached into her subspace pocket and swapped out an equally tinted pair of goggles. "Got it. Next?"
Twilight's right ear twitched but she did her best not to say anything. "Padding?"
"One sec-"
"Eeeeyup!" Dash grinned at the frowning Vinyl. "Oh come on, you know I was kidding."
"Yeah, since all this?" Vinyl patted her sides, her hoof going in deep. "Is just fur. Unlike someponies, I don't need to work out to get a slim bod-GAH!"
Vinyl and Dash squeaked as Twilight squirted them both with her squirt-bottle. "Let's stay on track, please?"
"Spruce Twilight, that is bucking cold water!" Dash grumbled, flying quickly into the sky to dry herself off while Vinyl started to vibrate in place.
"Yeah, what did you do, go to the north pole or something?" Vinyl grumbled as her long coat was now puffy.
"Yes, actually. This bottle has a miniature portal inside that is connected to the original pony lands to a river that flows despite the sheer drop in temperature and the roaming Windigos. The glass itself is indestructible so it can handle the water inside of it."
"Wow, really?" Vinyl and Dash both leaned in close to look at the bottle.
"Of course not," Twilight snorted in soft laughter, shaking her head. "It's just from the tap with a couple of ice cubes tossed in."
"Oh har har." Vinyl grumbled as she slipped on a full body padded suit. "You're a riot Twi." Vinyl made a face before she shook her mane. "Great, I've got knots in my fur. Rare's is going to kill me, and then she's going to drag me to the spa again." It had been pretty funny to see their unAwake friend drag her mother around, and acting as the more mature of the two while throwing a lot of guilt around at Vinyl.
"Better you then me Vinyl," Dash grumbled, settling down on the cloud. "I hate ponies touching my hooves."
"So what do I need to do Twi, hover in place?" Vinyl asked as she begin to emit her wubs and begin to float.
"No Vinyl, not just yet!" Twilight shouted, tossing her list to the side as she began to run over to the unicorn mare, ignoring Dash pulling out the popcorn bag.
"What?" Vinyl shouted, walking around in place and lifting a hoof to her ear. Or at least that was her intention, but as she broke the stable and equally distributed propulsion of her body weight on four hooves to three as well as moving on to her face, she was suddenly rocketed sideways. Flailing with her hooves in the air, she was sent into a corkscrew fashion towards the lake. With a splash, Vinyl hit the water horn first and started to paddled in the water before Rainbow Dash flew over, plucked her out of the water and begun to lecture her.
"Vinyl Scratch, do you have any idea in how stupid that was? You should never break up your flying format unless you have years of experience to back you up!" Grumbling loudly, the pegasus began to move Vinyl's legs back into place, with Dash bending Vinyl's knees. "Look, normally you'd keep your legs tucked for flight but for your wub hooves you would need to keep them bent for a good take off before straightening them out. And don't you dare think about doing any fancy twist or turns just yet missy, as we will need to a lot of exercises to get you floating steadily before we can have you flying properl-OH MY BIRCH!" Dash suddenly shouted, placing her hooves to her mouth in horror.
"What? What's wrong Dashie?!" Twilight blinked, getting ready to run over to her friend, Vinyl staying in place.
"I'm starting to sound like you." Dash's laughter was quickly picked up by Vinyl's snickering. Which was squashed by Twilight squirting the mare with a deadpan look on her face. Shaking her mane after squeaking by the cold water, Dash rolled her eyes at white mare standing beside her.
(BIOS-Pherecydes)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #64
Hovering gently an inch above the earth, Vinyl grinned in triumph. Sure she was tied to a dozen trees in every direction; and okay she was being held in place by a giant boulder; admittedly, the chains were probably a bit much, but hey... progress!
(Evilhumour)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #95
Applejack facehooved as the white blur went sailing past her, sneezing again out of control on her wub hooves.
"Vinyl, if ya are allergic ta crabgrass this loop, why did ya come here to practice your wub hooves?"
"I don't know! I regret everything!" Vinyl shouted and sneezed herself into a tree, with apples hitting her square on her head before the last one landed square on her horn, with the apple pierced cleanly in the middle of the core.
Vinyl grunted before muttering she did not like apples before laying flat on her stomach. She then proved how fast an unicorn could move in front of an angry earth pony family clan.
(BIOS-Pherecydes)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves - Attempt #108
"Uh... hey, Rainbow? Old buddy? You sure about this?"
"C'mon Vinyl, even Snowflake can do this. In Baseline for tree's sake!"
Twilight watched dubiously as Vinyl nervously adjusted her glasses. She was currently strapped into the Dizzitron from the Wonderbolt Academy and obviously didn't like it.
"Are you sure she's ready for this?"
"Hey no problem Twilight. Vinyl is almost 20% as cool as me. She can totally handle this. Are you ready Vinyl!?"
Staring down at the ground which was entirely too far below her, she rapidly shook her head. "No. I want to get down."
"Awesome! Here we go in three, two, one! Fire!"
Rainbow pulled the lever and the Dizzitron began spinning rapidly, quickly picking up speed to the sound of Vinyl's screaming, before snapping taut and launching the terrified mare into the air.
"Vinyl, use your Wub Hooves!"
The DJ apparently heard Twilight's cry as a loud pulsating beat filled the air. Unfortunately she couldn't seem to figure out which direction to aim and as a result ended up doing a wild corkscrew over the air of Ponyville, accompanied by an epic dubstep. And just barely heard beneath that the sound of Vinyl's screaming.
Twilight's and Rainbow Dash's heads bounced back and forth as they tracked Vinyl's 'flight' through the center of Ponyville, wincing simultaneously at the several near misses, before she finally came to a landing in the local swimming hole; dousing the Apple family as they relaxed in the water.
"Eh, heheh. Okay so maybe she wasn't ready."
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves - Attempt #248
"Let's try something different you said. All you have to do is catch a falling crystal you said. Nothing could go wrong you said."
"Okay Vinyl, I get it." Twilight said with a sigh as she stared out over the remains of what used to be the Crystal Kingdom. "Using a power based on vibration in a city made of crystal results in a literal Cascade Failure."
"Waahaaaaa! It's all gone! This is The. Worst. Possible. Thing!"
Twilight grimaced as she watched her friend summon her fainting couch. "I'm not sure if it's better or not that Rarity isn't Awake this time."
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves - Attempt #291
"I believe I understand your plight
You wish to end your wild flight
But sadly I cannot offer advice
You must search elsewhere for a helping device."
"oKaY. ThAnKs, aNyWaY."
Vinyl grimaced at the sound of her broken voice. An unplanned landing had set her down dead center in the middle of a field of Poison Joak. It would take Zecora an hour or more to brew the antidote and in the meantime she was totally tone-deaf. Worst landing ever.
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves - Attempt #321
Hanging shakily about a foot above the ground Vinyl gave a tentative grin. "Hey, I think I'm starting to get the hang of this."
From a nearby bush Pinkie Pie burst out in a cloud of confetti. "Yay. Now I can throw you a 'Congratulation on Learning to Fly' Party!"
"Gah!"
Blinking at the trail of broken foliage which showed where Vinyl had gone, Pinkie smiled sheepishly.
"Oopsie."
(Dave ID)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves - Attempt #420
"Vinyl, maybe we should take a break, especially since you freed Discord, Sombra and Tirek at the same time, and are basically kaiju now." Twilight said as Tirek gave a left hook to Sombra, who promptly hit Discord with a blast of dark magic, who kicked Tirek in the knees.
"Yeah, we should."
(Evilhumour)
Experimental Log: Wubs Hooves- Attempt #432
"Okay, this was a bad idea from the start, I'll admit." Dash blinked as she watched Vinyl flash by again. And again. And again. And again.
"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, TURN OFF THE BUCKING PORTAL BEFORE I PUKE AGAIN!"
(BIOS-Pherecydes)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #555
"Cutie Mark Crusaders: Catapult Makers YAY!"
Twilight very calmly turned around and, very calmly, ran for her life.
'nopenopenopenopenopenopenope.
(Evilhumour)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #652
"I'm sorry Luna!" Vinyl called over her shoulder, looking at the irate former mare of the moon and then at the former celestial body in the sky. "Please don't banish me!"
(BIOS-Pherecydes)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #701
Vinyl stared at the various wires attached to the sensors attached to her body, all of which led back to a large computer beneath Twilight's Library.
"So, what's this thing supposed to do exactly?
"This will let me measure your oscillation and vibrational frequencies and allow me to find a correlating pattern. Then I can use my magic to create a neural feedback which should allow you to precisely determine how to utilize your Sonic Propulsion Hooves to achieve directional thrust and momentum without exceeding your ability to control them."
Vinyl stared. She opened her mouth, then closed it. Then she stared some more before shaking her head rapidly.
"Right. Okay, sure. Go ahead."
Twilight beamed and turned on the analysis device.
"Okay, this is totally not my fault."
Twilight didn't respond, being too busy staring at the remains of the Golden Oaks.
(Codelyoko22)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #805
"Vinyl, I know you wanted to learn how to use those Wub Hooves as quickly as possible, but couldn't you have waited till the next dame loop?!" Rochelle yelled as hordes upon hordes of infected ponies rushed toward them.
"How was I supposed to know they would attract this many?!" Vinyl yelled back.
(Evilhumour)
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #901
"TRIXIEIBUCKINGHATEYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Vinyl shouted as she was sent flying by the low level rockets the showmare had got from Jeb Kerman.
"It was rocket fuel, what do you expect!" Trixie yelled back as she was flying alongside the panicking, wub hoof flailing mare that had a rocket strapped around her stomach.
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #902
"LYRAIBUCKINGHATEYOUUUUUUU!"
Vinyl screamed as she was sent flying out of the ocean, holding onto the noise rocket for dear life.
"We're seaponies! If you weren't expecting overkill from us, you get no sympathies from me!" Lyra shouted upwards at the white mare.
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves- Attempt #999
Vinyl panted, throwing herself onto the shore with a thud after half halfheartedly levitating the water out of her coat for the umpteenth time.
"Girls," Vinyl wheezed on her back, too tired to care about the latest camera that Dash had set up this time. “I’m bu-” She coughed, and spat out some water before rolling her head on the grass. “I’m bushed.” Letting out a very equine-like whine, Vinyl took off her goggles before rubbing her nose before letting out both a tiny sniffle and a tiny beam of sonic waves at a tree. “I’ve got water in places I didn’t know I had and I’ve been a seapony!” Vinyl then rolled onto her stomach and groaned. “I’m either going to walk home, or push my well toned flanks all the way home and to fir with Octy yelling at me for getting mud in the house again but I’m done for today and this loop!”
“Wait, I’ve got one more trick up my sleeve!” Twilight shouted, as she reached into her subspace pocket. “Where is it, where is it?”
Vinyl, chest heaving, raised an eyebrow at the mare who was pulling more and more stuff out of her pocket, with the objects getting larger and more worrisome.
With a grunt, Vinyl pushed herself to her hooves, her legs very strong now from repeated attempts to fly with her wubs hooves and was preparing herself for a mad dash home when Twilight let out a shout of victory.
“Here, for test one thousand, let’s try this!” Twilight said smiling, holding the most unwubural thing in existence.
With a heavy sigh, Vinyl began to turn and walk away when Twilight teleported back in front of her.
“Vinyl? It’s a metronome, why are you walk-?”
"Twi, I know exactly what it is. After endless loops dealing with my parents trying to teach me 'proper' rhythm and timing opposed to my wubs with them, I know how to build one in my sleep now." Vinyl grunted, resting her head against a tree. "Do you know what it is like to hear it for hours on end until everything you play matches its damn beat and then the quack of a doctor decides to get even with you for biting his leg by switching the tempo when you show off to your parents. Of course my parent's can't hear the change but I can, and it's very hard to suddenly play to the new beat when you've been forced to play by the other beat and then your parents and the bucking doctor start yelling at you for being stupid and unable to follow a simple tick tock!" Vinyl then shook her mane. "I'm sorry Twi, but I don't care if it would stop the loops and fix Yggdrasil but I am not listening to another metronome if I can help it."
“Well..." Twilight dragged out, a bit uncomfortable with how things had just turned. “I do have an idea that can still work without them!”
“Huh? What are you talk-”
“Vinyl, close your eyes and listen to me.”
“Okay!. Vinyl shut her eyes, ears flickering with annoyance.
“Now I want you to focus on your inner beat.”
“What? My heartbeat?” Vinyl turned her head and began to open her eyes when Twilight shouted again.
“Vinyl Scratch, eyes shut and no!” Twilight sighed heavily. “Close your eyes and ignore everything but my voice and your inner beat! Don’t say anything else, do anything else but focus on your inner beat!”
Vinyl did her best not to snark, and to follow the instructions. Closing herself off, she drew into herself and search for that musical beat that gave her endless creativity, the one that she always head banged to. It was hard, pushing away beats that were inspirations from the odd loop here or there and the ones that came from songs that got stuck in her head for several loops, thank you very much Pinkie Pie! With her lips moving and horn glowing, Vinyl began the slow process of deleting music from her mind.
Slowly, she had whittled them down the beats to two remaining; one she instantly recognized as the... Hub Wub, yeah that was a good name for it and...something else, something she didn’t recognize or remember ever hearing. It was really odd too, so slow that she almost missed it but when she did focus on it and listen for it to playback, the sound it made was nothing like she heard before. Placing it in the examine later pile in her mind, which if anypony ever saw would have an instant coronary in how messy it was, she focused on the first beat and felt herself begin to relax.
“...vinyl?” With heavy eyes, Vinyl was aware that a nerdish pony was calling for her. “did you get it?”
“Yeah, I did Twi.” Vinyl’s cheeks grew red as autotuned herself without meaning it again. “I got the Hub Wub.”
“Hub wub-that’s a terrible name!” Twilight grunted before facehooving, her sonic echoes that she let out by mistake painted the image with perfect timing. “Never mind, I want you to now imagine that there’s a speaker attached to the ...Hub Wub, okay?”
Vinyl let out a chirp to let Twi know she did, and her inner Vinyl was begging to crank it up to eleven already.
“Good, now I want you to move the dial to two.” With a sonic chirp of annoyance blasted in front of her, Vinyl did exactly as she was told, and move the dial up slowly- “Okay, that’s two, okay?”
Vinyl almost opened her eyes in confusion, but she was focused on the Hub Wub so she imagined that this was a two, whatever that meant.
“Good, now double that to four, please.” Vinyl did the same as did before, waiting for the beats to match what she did before, mentally marking it as four. For the next little bit, Twilight called out different numbers between one and ten, with Vinyl quickly becoming adept at moving her Hub Wub at the different levels, with quarter numbers thrown in that pitched her speaker in all directions. Finally, Twilight stopped calling out the numbers with Vinyl stuck at one. “And now....go for it Vinyl, go for eleven.”
With a smirk on her face, her inner Vinyl grabbed the dial with her body, and used her weight to turn it up all the way to eleven, dumping herself to the ground in the process.
Holding herself steady at eleven, Vinyl was listening to her Hub Wub when she heard a lot of clapping.
Blinking, she opened her eyes to see all her friends on clouds around her, cheering for her as she in the middle of the sky with her wub hooves!
Already, Vinyl started to panic when Twilight shouted, “Ten!” Instantly, Vinyl lowered herself down several feet and kept herself stable for a few second before Twilight shouted out nine. Then Vinyl realized what was happening and called out ten to herself, with point twenty five to move herself forwards. Smiling, Vinyl began to move the dial in her head, flying in low circles before forcing herself upwards with a blast of music in the center of everypony.
“WHOO HOOOOO!” Vinyl shouted, doing a little victory jig before she caught herself at ten, and forced herself back up to her snickering friends.
“There’s still more technical stuff you need to learn Vinyl, but congrats,” Dash smirked as she flew over to the unicorn mare. “You can now fly with unmatched style!”
“YEAH!” Vinyl shouted as she grabbed her glasses from her pocket and placed them on her face. “Drinks are on me girls!” With that, Vinyl dived bombed her way to Mac’s bar before everypony realized they forgot one thing. “OH SWEET BUCKING HELL, HOW DO I LAND?!”
Applejack sighed as Vinyl totaled the old barn, and then gasped as an anvil went sailing through the sky before crashing into a certain library in the middle of the town.
Experimental Log: Wub Hooves-Landing Attempt #1
“Twilight?”
“Yes Vinyl?”
“Are you still mad about me sending an anvil through your house?” the mare gulped, holding onto the side tightly.
“Why would you say that Vinyl?” Twilight asked as she held out a paper to log the results.
“Because despite you saying this will help me learn how to land with my wub hooves, I really doubt that a catapult you just threw together is really safe.” Vinyl gulped, looking at the bucket she was in.
“Oh I didn’t make it, I borrowed it.” Twilight answered truthfully.
“Oh that’s good, I gues-” Vinyl sighed in relief.
“I borrowed it from the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”
“Wait what?!” Vinyl shouted before Twilight threw the switch, screaming before she hit the forest, which triggered an treesap esque mudslide into town that destroyed the Golden Oak Library. As Vinyl flew over to facehoofing Twilight, she landed in a loud plop of tree sap. Staring directly at Twilight, Vinyl then shook herself clean like a dog before wubbing away from the shouting mare.
152.3: (Scorntex)
"THE NIGHT SHALL LAST FORE-..." Nightmare Moon stopped dead. The ponies before her had stopped looking afraid, or confused, and had...
No, she was clearly seeing things. And hearing things.
They couldn't actually be dancing, surely. Well, she presumed it was dancing. Though what the loud music (again, she presumed it was music) and the flashing lights had to do with it, she'd no idea. And none of them seemed at all surprised by this, as they danced in time to the strange sounds.
"Where is that music coming from?" Nightmare Moon declared. "ANSWER THY TRUE RULER! And wh-... why am I dancing as well?"
Indeed, Nightmare Moon's legs were also begin to move with a will of their own. She could feel it. Some ridiculously powerful enchantment washing over her.
"And why can't I stop?!"
Twilight Sparkle allowed herself a satisfied grin. Nightmare Moon was contained, as was a potential panic on the part of Ponyville. She'd been... more than a little sceptical when Smaug had given her the phial she held, and the user's manual that came with it. Variants were one thing, but someone in Arda somehow having the means to generate an instant disco?
And yet here everypony was, dancing to a disco that had just suddenly happened when she'd opened the phial. Even Princess Luna herself.
"Well, I think we can call this test run a success." Twilight noted.
"Twilight, help!" She heard Spike call out. Instantly she looked toward her un-Awake companion, who was also dancing (surprisingly well, actually), despite the look of utter terror on his face.
"I can't stop boogying!"
Ah. Twilight thought. That explained why Smaug had been grinning so much...
152.4 (Alex Prior, Detective Ethan Redfield, Drakohahn, Evilhumour, Gamerex27, Hvulpes, Masterweaver, Midnight Crescent, Scorntex, wildrook, Zerorock41)
(This series of snips would be split up, but I didn't have individual attributions)
"THE BIGHT! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!" Nightmare Moon declared, grabbing her surfboard and heading into the newly created Bight of Ponyville to catch some waves.
"THE SPRITE! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!" Nightmare Moon declared, as she turned every water supply in Ponyville into lemon-lime, fizzy soft drinks.
"THE WRIGHT! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!"
Defense Attorney Always Right (otherwise known as Phoenix Wright) sighed, "Yeah yeah. Just get it out of your system now."
"THE FLIGHT! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!" Nightmare Moon declared, as she looped passed Ponyville for the fifth time.
"THE MIGHT! WILL LAST! FOREVER!" proclaimed the muscular alicorn on the stage, shooing off her sleek abs. "And you could be this fit too if you purchase the Lateral Unified Natural Augmentation Home Gym! Yes, with the L.U.N.A. home gym, you'll be showing off a perfect body in as little as two weeks! Send your orders to MareMoon incorporated, half off for a limited time only!"
"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Bulk Biceps yelled.
"TWILIGHT! WILL LAST! FOREVER!"
"Luna, put me down."
"THE TWILIGHT... SAGA! WILL LAST! FOREVER!"
Leah face-palmed. "Yeah, I don't see that happening," she muttered. "We don't have baseline extensions..."
"THE SIGHT! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!" Nightmare Moon declared, as she created a beautiful aurora borealis over Ponyville with a simple spell. As the ponies ooohed and ahhhed over the sight, Twilight rolled her eyes.
"Luna, you're getting a bit carried away with the pun-"
"NEVER!" Luna cackled. "THE PUNS ABOUT THE NIGHT! WILL LAST FOREVER!"
"THE FIGHT! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!"
Twilight rolled her eyes. She then ducked as some debris went flying by.
"You're running out of material, Luna."
"YOU GOTTA FIGHT!" Pinkie sang. "FOR YOUR RIGHT! TO PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY!"
"No more Beastie Boys for you," Twilight muttered, face-hoofing. "And that's not even part of the pun!"
"THE PLIGHT! WILL LAST! FOREVER!"
Twilight rose an eyebrow. "What plight?"
"The plight of inflation." Nightmare Moon gestured around the room. "How expensive were these banners?!"
"THE KITE! WILL LAST! FOREVER!" The alicorn on stage announced, looking through the window at the sea of kites outside.
Every Awake Looper in the Town Hall face-hoofed.
"Stop, Luna." Twilight pleaded. "Just stop..."
"AAAAAAUAAAAAAAAGH!" Pinkie shouted, pointing. "THE TREES ARE EATING ALL THE KITES!
"THE BLIGHT! WILL LAST! FOREVER!"
Applejack glared out at her withering farm and turned her stink eye to Luna before ascending. She pointed her newly formed horn at Luna and shouted, "It better not!"
Luna shrunk in on herself as she coughed, "Uh...Well, perhaps I was hasty."
She cast a spell, causing all the trees to resume their healthy look. Applejack looked at the farm and smirked, "Thank ya kindly."
Luna coughed again, hiding a laugh and whispered, "Thou might not wish to thank myself so soon."
The moon diarch was long gone when Applejack discovered her apples were now pear trees. She took a deep breath before screaming in the Canterlot Royal Voice, "LUUUNNNNAAAA."
"The Wight will last forever! The fright will last forever!"
"Buck." One of the sanitarium orderlies muttered, as he and several of his co-workers wrestled the alicorn princess into a straitjacket. "Why do we always get the really crazy ones?"
"Could be worse." Another groused. "At least she's not biting."
Luna stopped mid-ranting, and blinked innocently. "Would that help?"
"THE NIGHT SHALL LAST-Gah! Put me down this instance! No in the pool, away from the pool, no no no no GAH!" The mare shouted as she leap out of the freezing pool, shivering. " I promise to cut back, okay?!"
"THE BOOZE! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!"
"That's not even a rhyme for night!" said Spike, before being kneed in his ribs.
"Shut up Spike! Our new perfect leader has spoken!" said Berry Punch with a growl to the dragon before glowing at the alicorn and then endless bottles of alcohol.
"THE NIGHT...SHALL RAVE...FOREVER!" Nightmare PON3 yelled as Octavia face-hoofed at the makeshift night-club in the Mayor's Office.
"Dear Celestia, Vinyl," she muttered.
"CANS HAZ NITES 4EVER?"
"Okay, who introduced Nightmare Moon to Lolcats?"
"THE TIGHTS! SHALL LAST! FOREVER!" Nightmare Rarity declared, as she conjured spandex uniforms and clothes over everypony in Ponyville.
"Thou art taking this pun too far!" Luna complained, wincing as she tried to get rid of the wedgie the cursed garments were causing on her flanks.
"Pot calling the kettle black, darling," she simply said in reply, as she observed the crowd of ponies beginning to complain in unison how the clothes were rubbing up against their fur, or how it didn't match their eyes, or such. In her opinion as a fashionista, it was fine.
152.5: (Masterweaver)
"What are you fillies doing here?!" Celestia shouted as she landed. "There are two massive golems fighting right over there!"
"Ah know. They asked us ta keep score." The yellow earth pony adjusted a dial on the goggles she was wearing. "Also, technically speaking they aren't golems."
"What?"
The white unicorn rolled her eyes. "You see, Vinyl Scratch recently figured out how to use sonic vibrations to make sculptures, so she went around boasting about being the fastest carver. Applejack heard about that, though, and being an earthbender kinda got riled up. So they were going to have a sculpture making competition, but then AJ's little sister here suggested they make something more complicated..."
Celestia blinked as one of the stone giants piledrived the other. "But... You.... Honesty... This is incredibly dangerous!"
"Which is why big sis made sure ta do it away from civilized areas--hold on." The yellow filly suddenly grew wings and a horn. "Don't think Ah didn't see that, AJ! Repairin' a leg mid-session is a twenty point penalty!"
"Yeesh, I'd of thought Vinyl would be the cheater," the unicorn quipped.
Celestia stared at the madness in front of her. "Did... did you just... she became an alicorn."
"Yeah, that...." Sweetie rolled her eyes. "Look, Celestia, I'd explain, but we're kind of busy right now. I think Twilight's available though, knock on her door three times and she'll tell you anything."
152.6: (Masterweaver)
"Rarity?"
"Yes Twilight?"
"Why is Cheerilee leading a citizen's revolution against the tyrannical forces of Canterlot this loop?"
Rarity put down her picket sign and sighed. "Twilight, as much as I love this gag, this is a serious situation."
"I can see that," the other unicorn replied, gesturing to the screaming crowd of protesters around the castle. "I'm just not sure what it is that has everypony so riled up."
"Cutie Mark-based Employment is legally enforced this loop," Rarity explained. "Since Cheerilee's cutie mark is flowers, it is quite literally against the law for her to teach."
"Wait.... seriously?"
"Mmmhmmm." Rarity picked her picket sign up. "Why are you here, anyway?"
"Oh, Celestia sent me out to 'break up the crowd.' But I think I'll just fail at that and go have a few words with her." Twilight shrugged, lighting up her horn. "It's a good thing she's not Awake, or I'd be really upset..."
152.7: (Masterweaver, Midnight Crescent, wildrook)
"So why am I the game master again?" Shining asked. "And seriously, why are we doing this? We've been to Oerth..."
"You've got the head for numbers, all of us are better actors, and we're doing this to screw around and have fun." Cadance pulled out her character sheet with a manic grin. "I rolled up a half-orc monk!"
"A... what?" Trixie tilted her head. "I don't think that's actually legal, can half-orcs be monks?"
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "Her husband's the GM, best not to question it."
"Then I'll be playing a Dwarven Rogue," Trixie said, before seeing all the blank stares. "What?"
"You do realize that involves being quiet," Shining Armour asked in response. "So no explosions, or illusions."
"Well of course I do." Trixie replied in a huff. "It's not like I actually have to do it myself. Besides, Trixie has been a master thief before," she said, smirking at the Royal couple. "She has experience, as you both well know..."
"Ok," Shining Armour conceded. "But why a Dwarf?"
Before she could respond, Trixie found Chyrsalis' hoof in her mouth. "She's just going to give a long speech about nothing," the Changeling queen said, rolling her eyes. "So I'll skip to the real reason is she just wants to do the female Dwarves with beards bit."
"...Spoilsport..." Trixie whispered, handing a character sheet over to Shining Armour before slumping down in her chair.
"Fine," Shining said, "but as long as we don't tip the Henderson Scale of Plot Derailment up to 9000, I won't consider the team-killing option."
152.8: (Masterweaver)
Anakin Skywalker stared out of the cockpit in disbelief. "I... I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
"It's all a big city. The whole planet--"
"This planet is named Equestria?"
The pilot laughed. "Yes. Funny story, that, the pre-republic natives are actually miniature horses..."
152.9: (Gym Quirk)
Twilight stumbled into Mac's bar. "What do you have that's barely safe for Alicorns?"
"I think I have the ingredients for one of Trixie's Jaegerbombs," offered Berry.
"That'll do for a start." The Anchor lurched to a stool and slumped down, chin on the bar, forehead massaged by a hoof.
"So how bad was it?" asked Mac.
"Four words: Pinkie Discord Mirror Pool."
"Ouch."
Berry held an energetically fizzing mug with a digital countdown timer in front of the unicorn. "You need to ascend, hon."
"I'll think about it. Just give me the drink."
152.10: (Masterweaver)
Cheerilee groaned. "Why is this even here?"
Berry Punch leaned out from the kitchen, absently washing some dishes in her telekinetic grip. "What's up this time, sis?"
"This loop, teachers are required to fill out license renewals every five years. Something about ensuring only legitimate teachers stay in business or something, there was apparently a series of scandals way back when involving tutors..." The mare let out a groan. "And part of the required info is my sexuality."
Berry shrugged her wings, levitating the dish to the drying rack before descending back to her usual earth pony form. "Just put down asexual."
"Not an option." Cheerilee held the paper up. "It's homo, hetero, or bi."
"Wait, what?"
"Nothing on tribe, nothing on out of pony species, nothing on frequency.... just homo, hetero, or bi." Cheerilee rolled her eyes. "I mean, I consider myself a low-libido heterosexual with some bisexual tendencies and a preference but not requirement for romantic partners, but can I write that all out? Nooooooooo."
Her sister gave the paper a look. "So... just fill in the hetero option."
"Yeah, that works for me, but it doesn't work for everyone." Cheerilee started scribbling in the bubble anyway. "You know what? Later this week, I'm going to go talk to the mayor about this. Get it changed."
"First the cutie mark revolution and now this." Berry sighed. "Cheerilee... sis... promise me you won't let doing the right thing make you into a self-righteous jerk."
"Of course I won't! I'm not some..." The teacher paused. "There's this phrase they use in loops with internet..."
"Social Justice Warrior?"
"That's it, that's the one. I'm a Social Justice Teacher, not a warrior. I think." Cheerilee frowned. "...you know what, just... let me know if I go too far, alright?"
152.11: (Masterweaver)
Lilo dragged a hand down her face. "This again...?"
"Hey," Nyx protested, "it's not like either of us planned this!" She waggled her lower arms, her antennae twitching in concentration. "Huh, you know, I thought that having six limbs normally would prepare me more for this, but the flexibility of these things--"
"So now all of Jumba's experiments are going to be ponies." Lilo threw up her hands. "Which means I'm going to be the obviously girlygirl who collects magical talking ponies because, oh why not!"
"Hey, I got a lot of pings," Nyx pointed out. "That means a good portion of us are Awake. Look, all we have to do is run it baseline till they get dumped all over the island, then we can start poking around to find the loopers and get them to help us do... whatever it is we're supposed to do."
152.12: (Masterweaver)
"....what."
The grey pegasus took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and....
"My mother wanted to name me Bright Eyes but she was so high on painkillers when I came out that the doctors thought she said Ditzy Doo so that was what they put on their birth certificate but mom still called me Bright Eyes all the time so when I went to school I was confused when grown up ponies called me by my legal name and a lot of the foals around me started teasing me by calling me Derpy Hooves only I decided I liked Derpy better than Ditzy since Ditzy sort of implied I was airheaded which i'm not I'm just a bit strange thinking so at one point I tried to get my name legally changed to Derpy Hooves so I could take the insult as a badge of pride only there was a paperwork snafu and my full legal name became Derpy Ditzy Doo Hooves but I didn't really care and then later I was given the false cover identity of Bubbles as part of a witness protection program but I spent so long in it that it became an official identity and then most recently I was elected the Muffin Matron Mare in an Equestria-wide voting ceremony and it's usually shortened to Muffin but it's really more of a title anyway."
Twilight stared at her. "That... that is the craziest variant I have ever--"
"Actually," the pegasus interrupted, "all that happens more often than not. I mean, some loops parts of it are missing, but..."
"...you mean to tell me you have--" Twilight ran some quick calculations in her head. "--around five names in baseline?!"
"I think so. Could be damaged code or something."
152.13: (Alex Prior, BIOS-Pherecydes, Dave ID, Detective Ethan Redfield, Evilhumour, Masterweaver, Midnight Crescent, wildrook
Rainbow slammed her mug down. "Okay, okay, I got one. Variants. Weirdest mother you ever had?"
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "You."
"I had Tirek as my mother for a loop." Twilight sighed. "And before you ask, no, my house was still destroyed at the end of it."
Rarity sighed. "Applejack."
"Wait, what?"
"You were actually a pretty good mother, Applejack."
"But you and me, you were mah daughter one loop?"
"You're surprised?"
"Err, well... Shoot, ya got a point there."
Celestia grimaced. "One Loop, Luna and I were the children of The Tree of Harmony."
All conversation came to a stop. Twilight managed to find her voice first.
"Wha..."
Luna slammed an empty glass down, gesturing for Mac to refill it.
"That was not even the worst of it. Our father was Discord."
Applejack slammed down the rest of her drink. "At least that's a magic tree..."
Luna raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"One loop, our family literally grew on our trees..."
Big Mac and Applebloom's eyes widened and twitched in unison.
"Eeyup," Applejack continued, pulling her hat down over her eyes. "Bloomberg..."
"The bogbug tree," Chrysalis grumbled with a shudder. "Apparently Star Swirl locks up some potent evil in a tree in the middle of a bog with mounds of dead ponies floating in the water, and then some unicorn comes along and tries to destroy the tree, but the evil whatever flows into the insect-infected bog from the hole in the tree and suddenly evil insect zombies that eat love."
Everypony stared at her.
"I absolutely hate that variant," she continued. "Because guess who comes out first? And it means that we're all naturally evil, it's..."
She shuddered again. Trixie put down her drink and wrapped her hooves around her with a gentle nuzzle; Chrysalis managed a small smile.
"...I'm not sure that technically counts as a parent," Rainbow Dash mused. "Origin story, yeah, but the tree didn't do anything to actually raise you, did it? You just come into being--"
"Rainbow Dash if you don't shut up right now you're going to be the focus of my next firework display," Trixie stated very calmly.
The “human” of the group sighed. "Bonbon was our mother and Octavia was Vinyl's mom."
Applebloom frowned. "Tha's nuthin'. One Loop Ah was mah own mom."
Applejack patted her sister on the back. "Mikasa Glitch?"
"Eeyup."
Discord entered the conversation, then stepped out of the conversation and into the actual bar.
"I don't think I ever had a mother in the Baseline. For me any mother is unusual. However there was this one time when I had Maud Pie as my mumsy dearest. Can you imagine? Me the Spirit of Chaos, the son of the least chaotic pony in all of Equestria!"
"There was the time I was literally born from the world's first DJ table," Vinyl mused.
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah, strangest thing. She even taught me how to do this!" The unicorn happily began to dance a most righteous disco.
Twilight blinked. "I just--how did---you can't just----!!"
Lt. Redfield of the Resident Evil series waited until he had several deep mugs of the local swill before replying, "Albert Wesker, both born from a female and as a clone created during his time at the Spencer Manor."
The rest of the bar loopers winced in sympathy, except one, an iguana named Leon that had replaced Gummy, "That's pretty bad, but I was once his and Claire's child by birth. Thank God you weren't awake for that one."
"Slaanesh." Leman shuddered. "Dear TREE there was not enough booze to erase that horror from my mind!"
Nyx rubbed her snout against her boyfriend, "Awake or asleep?"
Leman hugged her close, shuddering. "I don't know and I don't want to know!"
"I recall Twilight Velvet was my birth mother that one time," recalled Celestia. "There was a Stealth Anchor. Twilight called me the 'coolest big sister ever!'"
She sighed.
"You were so adorkable."
Luna scowled. "I remember that one. My mother was Nightmare Moon, and wasn't that the greatest family. There was way too little CAKE, or would have been if somepony-we-shall-not-name hadn't STOLEN them all."
Interestingly enough, both Celestia and Nyx gasped. "You were Awake for that one?"
Twilight facehooved.
"Sleipnir." Everypony stopped and looked at Scootaloo in awe. Their eyes were demanding more information from the slow drinking filly. With a long sip and exaggerated sigh, the filly continued. "It was a weird variant, but you know how Loki is Sleipnir's mom? Following in the family's hoofsteps in that loop."
"Wait, who was your father?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"A male Hel." Scootaloo blinked and paused, tapping her chin. "I think; there were a lot of male figures around the time I was conceived according to grandma Loki, some of who I am not allowed to say." She then tipped her head at the real Sleipnir who was simply burying his head into the table.
Spike sighed and pointed at Rarity. "Remember that Games of Thrones loop?"
Rarity shuddered and hugged husband at that memory being brought to the forefront.
"SCP-504," a male voice said, revealing Sasuke in pony form. "On the upside, I have a disdain for Dane Cook and I learned my Tomato Stand CAN be used for combat...only for bad jokes."
As soon as Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, though, Sasuke glared.
"Don't you DARE use THAT joke. You know, the one used against Nazis in the Monty Python Branch?"
"How'd you even..."
"Hub Loops."
"Figures," Dash muttered. "Other than that, well...there was a Herd Loop...and my Mom was Firefly, but I was raised by the Wonderbolts."
"Again?" the others asked her.
Dash rolled her eyes. "Never said which generation," she replied. "It was one of those Variants where Generations were mixed...and I was raised by Captain Firefly."
Twilight then hovered over her, almost sparking. "Tell me everything!" she yelled.
152.14: (OathToOblivion)
It was another bright and shining day in Ponyville. Twilight and Spike were exiting the Golden Oaks Library, just shooting the breeze.
Twilight sighed in disappointment. "I was really hoping the others would be Awake this Loop. I needed to talk to them about something important."
"Gee, thanks," Spike said wryly. Twilight flushed at her unintentional insult.
"Sorry, Spike," she apologized to her number one assistant/brother/son/whatever.
"Eh, it's fine. Anyway, last Loop I was over at Anakin's place, and he told me something interesting he'd heard from Oshawott. Basically, it-" Spike was cut off when a metallic arm came out of nowhere and clutched him around the midsection and pulled him away.
"Spike!" Twilight yelled in concern, whirling around to see who it was. What she saw was so distracting that she stopped everything. And so did everypony else nearby. What do you say when you see a giant cat-shaped hot air balloon? Only...something about it looked familiar to Twilight.
"Listen, is that a purple unicorn I hear?" a white pegasus with a long red mane asked from within the balloon's basket.
"It's speaking to me loud and clear," her companion, a white unicorn with a short blue mane replied. He was fiddling with something within the basket.
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"In your ears!" their final companion, a cat that was walking on its hind legs, stated, having finished locking Spike in a pink cage of sorts. Then they continued on with a flourish.
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!"
"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place!"
"A rose by any other name is just as sweet!"
"When everything's worse, our work is complete!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"And Meowth, now dat's a name!" And then suddenly it clicked for Twilight just who they were.
"Putting the do-gooders in their place..."
"...we're Team Rocket!"
"IN YOUR FACE!" Meowth crowed, before hitting the button on a remote he had. From the basket, twin rocket engines extended, sending the balloon rocketing away.
Twilight blinked once, then twice, then immediately panicked. "Hang on, Spike!" she yelled, summoning her Element, ascending, then flying after the balloon as fast as she can.
While Team Rocket made like their namesake and rocketed away, Spike was not very impressed. "You guys know I can get out of here any time I want, right?" he pointed out.
"Ha! That's what you think! Tell him, Meowth!" Jessie declared.
Meowth, however, did not like this idea. "Why me?! I'm steerin' dis thing! Make James do it, he's not doin' anythin'!"
"I'm keeping an eye on our incoming pony princess! I can't do it!" James shot back.
"Grrr-! Fine, I'll do it!" Jessie seethed, before turning back to the amused dragon Jedi. "All right, this is how it works! For starters, that cage is made out of pure Pixie Plate!" she announced.
Spike blinked. "Pixie Plate?" he asked in confusion.
"That's right! Arceus's Fairy-type Plate, courtesy of a certain Togepi! And as everyone knows, Fairies are immune to Dragon stuff! In other words, you can't use any of your dragon abilities in that cage! And as for your little Jedi tricks, we've coated the thing with miriskin!"
Spike quickly grew a deadpan look. "Miriskin is a hoax. Only living ysalamari can block the use of the Force," he pointed out.
James grinned, and turned around to look at him. "Ordinarily, but we obtained it in a variant where that's not the case!" he rebutted, waving his hoof back and forth in an imitation of a wagging finger.
"The cage is also built so that you can't use your little size-shift thing either. You'd crush yourself! You're not getting out of that cage until we let you out!" Jessie declared.
"Or we blast off..." Meowth added under his breath.
Spike shook his head. They really had him backed up in a corner here. Just, one thing was still confusing him. "Why are you guys even doing this anyway? You're obviously Loopers, considering you have miriskin, and whatever a Pixie Plate is. So..."
At that, the Looping Rocket members all grew somber. "When we first started Looping, we were a tad frustrated with how we never won in baseline," Jessie began.
"We figured that there was nothing wrong in trying to be the good guys, since we are pretty good at it. But..." James continued, before pausing.
"It jus' wasn' us! We're good at bein' good, but we love bein' bad! It jus' took us a while to remember!" Meowth summarized.
"Well, to be more accurate, we're bad, but we're not evil, if that makes any sense," James mused.
"Okay, but why kidnap me?"
Jessie shrugged. "Practice." She would have elaborated more, when James paled on seeing what was coming up behind them.
"Uh, Jessie? Meowth?" he squeaked out.
"Wat?!" Meowth asked in irritation, before the other two Rockets turned around. Then they too paled.
Seeing the Rainbow of Light flying right at them would probably do that to anyone. The Rainbow slammed right into the balloon, causing a giant explosion! While Spike's cage was caught by Twilight, the other three went flying in a completely different direction.
"Looks like we'll have to go back to the drawing board," James sighed.
"GAH! I thought we only look bad in comparison to the twoips!" Meowth raged.
"That's it. We're using a cloaking device next time," Jessie snarled. But then the three grinned, because they knew what was coming next. And as much as it tended to annoy them, there was a bit of nostalgia involved with it. So...
"LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAIIIIIIN!"
*twinkle*
152.15: (Bardic Knowledge)
Sunset stared vacantly into the Equestrian distance, a glass of cold tea by her seat on Twilight's balcony. She'd stopped by after Discord's return and resealing, which was unusually late for her if she were coming by at all in a Loop.
"So, what's on your mind?" asked Twilight, coming up beside her.
"It's not much, really, just an odd encounter." Sunset replied, taking a sip from her tea before continuing. "I Awoke while still dating Flash, as usual, but this Loop I thought I might stick with him. Eventually, though, I was introduced to his uncle. One he doesn't usually have, by the way."
"Which means Variant or Fused," Twilight nodded in understanding.
"I'm pretty sure it was Fused, though the old man wasn't Awake. Anyways, we were having a chat with his family, when 'Uncle Haggard' looked incredibly deep into my eyes - which was creepy enough - then said that he couldn't see himself in my eyes. According to his son, Sea Bridge, he was getting a bit strange in his old age, manifesting in an obsession with unicorns, of all things."
"Wait. Are you talking about...?"
Sunset floated a book out of her Pocket. "The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle. Yeah."
"Whoof."
"You said it." Sunset put the book away before draining her glass. "Almost makes me wonder if we'll meet with that unicorn some day."
“...you know, I think I've never met her, but... I'm pretty sure I've been her...”
152.16: (wildrook)
"Dis-COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!" Twilight yelled.
Discord appeared behind Twilight. "What did I do this time?" he asked her.
She then thrust the bottle of shampoo towards him...annoyed.
"You didn't apply it on yourself, did you?" he asked her. "Because it CLEARLY states that Unicorns, Pegacorns, and Alicorns aren't supposed to use this."
"No, but that's part of the problem," Twilight replied. "Well, two parts, due to asking what a Pegacorn is, but the main problem is THAT." She then pointed to a yellow Luna declaring she was a banana...like on Celestia's off unAwake Loops when she has a banana obsession.
"What do you want me to do, make the warning more prominent? Or put it INSIDE the bottle? The warning is emphasized."
Twilight gave him a look that spelled doom to those who walked past her. "Put more emphasis, then. I'm going to see if I can reverse the whole thing before Luna turns the moon into liquid portal conductors."
Discord blinked. "I thought you were going to say cheese for a minute there."
152.17: (Vadrigar 1994) (MLP/Half-Life)
Twilight was a happy unicorn. Last loop she finally received the finished version of a large book she and Hermione had co-written that detailed how the loops worked for newer Loopers, and with everything in the loop looking normal so far, she intended to spend a nice, peaceful baseline loop reading the finished product.
Those plans went out the window when Rainbow Dash decided to fly through her window.
“Uh, Twilight, there’s a pony near the Everfree, and he’s swearing up a storm. Stuff about “where are my fingers” and such, so I figure we have a new Looper on our hooves.”
“Doors, Rainbow. Doors still exist and millions of years haven’t changed that. And why don’t you talk to him? Work on your diplomacy while I read.”
“Nuh uh, after Naoki I’ve made sure that you’re the first to talk to Loopers we’ve never met. Especially the ones that are swearing about fingers.”
“Oh, good point. Alright, I’ll go talk to him, and you let everyone who’s Awake know we have a visitor.”
Rainbow Dash saluted and flew back out the perpetually broken window, and Twilight made her way to the edge of the Everfree. It wasn’t hard to find the Looper, she just followed the yelling until she saw a bright orange pegasus, with glasses and a crowbar cutie mark. He saw Twilight approaching and glared at her, seemingly ready to yell again. She cut him off before he was able to do so.
“Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, Anchor of the Equestria Sanctuary Loop. And your name is?”
The Pegasus stopped glaring, and seemed to think for a second. Twilight guessed his Loop memories were coming in, so she waited patiently.
“My name is, uh, Doctor Freemane, I guess. Why do I have a different name here? My name should be Gordon Freeman.”
“Well Gordon, anyone who Loops into Equestria is turned into a pony and given a unique name. Some Loops do that by default.”
“Wait, I’m a PONY!? Is THAT why I don’t have fingers?”
“Well technically you’re a pegasus, but yes, a pony. I’m guessing body transformation is new to you?”
“The Loops themselves are still kinda new to me. I’ve had some fused ones and had the Loops explained, but I’m still trying to ease my way into this nonsense. Most of the time I’m a human in a research facility fighting for my life for days on end, next thing I know I might be a kid in a forest with a talking fairy, I might be in a test course for portals looked after by an A.I., or I might be a freaking pony!”
Twilight was beginning to understand why Gordon swore so much. Having a stressful Baseline took its toll, and waking up in completely unfamiliar locations in the middle of doing that over and over again can wear anyone down. Thankfully, she was already thinking of dozens of ways to help decompress Gordon, and with the help of her friends she was sure they could help him out.
“Well, don’t you worry Doctor Freeman, this is a sanctuary Loop, which means this is a Loop of total relaxation for you. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, feel free to do whatever you like.”
“Learning to walk properly would be a nice start.”
“Hooves are awful.”
“You’ve mentioned this. Three times.”
“I’ll stop mentioning it when they cease to be awful. How am I even supposed to pick things up? I’ve seen several objects in your world that are designed for fingers.”
“Use your mouth. I would say use your wings to help, but you’ll need practice for that.”
Twilight was leading Gordon to her home, trying to keep him from being too loud and annoying anyone nearby with his, frankly, blunt comments about the town. She only hoped that he wouldn’t freak out Spike, who wasn’t Awake.
“Okay, here, we’re at my house. But I should let you know-“
“This is a tree.”
“Gordon, I have someone else living with me, please don’t startle him when you-“
“How do you live in a tree? Shouldn’t all the hollowing out and stuff inside of it make it collapse?”
“The short answer is magic. Now, I have a little brother, he’s not Looping, please don’t startle him.”
“Why would I startle him? It’s not like he hasn’t seen ponies before. Unless you keep him in the basement and stop him from coming into contact with anyone ever. Do ponies keep slaves?”
While Twilight had heard and seen her share of disturbing things in her travels, Gordon’s mind immediately going to child slavery still startled her. She reminded herself to have him go to a therapy session with Fluttershy, who, thankfully, was Awake. She was going to tell Gordon off for saying such things, until Spike walked into the room.
“Hey Twilight. Who’s your friend?”
“Spike, this is Doctor Freemane. Doctor, this is Spike.”
Spike walked over to shake Gordon’s hoof, but Gordon took a step back, glancing at Twilight with apprehension.
“Um, hi? Do you bite? The last time I saw something that looked like you it tried to kill me.”
Spike, thankfully tuning out the last part of Gordon’s statement, looked excited at what he had said. He leaped forward at Gordon, who flinched and looked ready to punch him.
“You’ve met other dragons?! When? Where? What were they like? How big were they?”
“Spike, can you go over to Rarity’s for a bit? I need to talk to Doctor alone, please.”
“But Twilight, he said he met other-“
“Spike, he hasn’t met any dragons, he’s just confused. Go help Rarity for a bit, and I’ll meet you later so we can head over to the Summer Sun Celebration.”
Spike looked a bit disappointed, but went to help Rarity nonetheless. Only then did Gordon speak up.
“Okay, what was that? Did it say it was a dragon?”
“A baby dragon, yes” Twilight responded. “Please don’t do anything to upset him, he’s still a child. Now then, is there anything you wanted to do before tonight?”
“But, dragon, what?”
“Gordon, I’m sorry, I know you’re full of questions, but the Summer Sun Celebration is in less than twelve hours. During the celebration, an exiled princess who’s taken the name of Nightmare Moon will try to trap the world in eternal darkness and enslave it. She’s a pushover by now, and we usually let visiting Loopers choose how to take care of her. Any ideas?”
“Getting rid of an threat? Oh yeah, just let me get out my rocket launcher and we’ll-“
“Wait, rocket launcher?!”
“You said “threat” right? Why, is she larger than you? No problem, I have some experimental laser weapons that should blow her to bits.”
“NO! Gordon, she’s the sister of our princess and she’s just possessed by evil! This has to be a non-lethal solution. We usually just prank her somehow and then get rid of the evil inside her. Can’t you think of anything like that?”
Gordon looked lost in thought, and it was dawning on Twilight how used he was to just killing whatever threatened him. Hopefully, getting him used to pranking his enemies would get him out of this mindset.
“How long is it until the celebration again?” He asked.
“You have a little over seven hours. Look, if you can’t think of something safe, we can just fall back on what my friends and I usually do.”
“No, I’m getting an idea. Show me where she shows up, I may be onto something. Also, how much do ponies weigh, on average?”
“The night shall last FOREV-“
“CANNONBAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!”
“YOU BROKE HER SPINE IN THREE PLACES!”
“YOU SAID NON-LETHAL! AND YOU HEALED HER, DIDN’T YOU?”
“YOU COULDN’T HAVE POSSIBLY KNOWN I HAD HEALING MAGIC!”
“HEY, I SAVED THE WORLD, DIDN’T I?”
“BY BREAKING PRINCESS LUNA’S BACK! SHE WAS PARALYZED AND CRYING!”
“WHO’S PRINCESS LUNA?!”
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152.11
Who's the anchor for that world? I'm honestly curious, since a habit of mine since I started reading the loops has been imagining what my favourite universes (that don't already have an established looper) would be like if one character or another was looping.
152.17
What the hell, Gordon.
...isn't that the official origin for her? (Canon or not, it's the only Hasbro licensed story that gives an origin for the Changelings...)
6275193
I think the writer was going for a freeman's mind gordon.
6275472
I was. The Looping Gordon is Freeman's Mind Gordon. Hilarity will always ensue.
6275420
Only if you consider MLP:FIM to be Lovecraft compliant. (Those comic books be weird... )
Shove pure evil in (insert random stationary object here) and water it like a Chia pet to get a new race of evil eldritch horrors?
I personally like the discorded/mutated/tainted Flutterponies concept.
Attempt #1 in 152.2 is already in the previous chapter (151.7) in it's entirety.
Maybe remove it from the previous chapter and keep all of the attempts here?
It just feels odd having identical bits in two different chapters, normally there are minor difference in anything that looks copy-pasted.
You should have expected it.
Oh god.
How? I'm guessing Yggdrasil, being a tree, is jealous of Golden Oaks being so beloved and has it in for it. What? WIth how absurd this whole thing is, that wouldn't be that odd.
She's got you there.
Nice.
Impressive.
Poor Phoenix.
NO!
I think it's work better if it were Nothing Can Stop The Booze. Which reminds me, I need to write a Loop where the Smooze is beer.
I'm sure you do.
HEH!
I won't ask.
Poor Twilight.
Good idea. I'm sure many an SJW has started out with noble goals, but, as they say, the way to Hell is paved with good intentions, or Tartarus in this case, so good thing she has Berry there to keep her on track so that she doesn't blow things out of proportion. *gives tumblr the stink-eye*
Hey, some of those magical talking ponies are badass.
... Err... tok me about a minute to get this straight.
Damaged coe, indecisive bronies, either or.
That might actually be a fun variant.
You're kidding. Oh god you're not.
Sounds like something he'd do.
Agreed.
Someone post it. I don't get it.
Please tell me this is going where I think it is.
SO MUCH YES!
You know, they're probably just doing this for fun, but they are GOOD.
So they want to do SOMETHING impressive.
Nah I getcha, it's more for the lulz really, nothing personal.
Fair enough.
HEH!
No kidding.
Huh, it's him.
I would not be surprised if someone waited this long to post it, just for that.
Go away, abs! Get off the stage. Shoo, shoo!
6275536 You used my most favorite Gordon, heheheh...
But I still doubt that he'd break the princess'back without being even a little sorry. Those he killed or hurt on accident he was always apologetic to, even near the end.
... But yeah, much as I might complain, I still loved it.
I'm sorry; I just can't help myself sometimes.
Ah, childhood memories...
6277988 fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/362/5/3/my_sides_by_greentechnology-d6zsgwe.gif
152.17
LOL WTF?
6287222
It's the Gordon Freeman from Freeman's Mind.
IDK either.
The Half-Life pun you made is in terrible taste.
*knock* *knock* *knock* Twilight.
*knock* *knock* *knock* Twilight.
*knock* *knock* *knock*
PennyTwilight.treasure.diylol.com/uploads/post/image/230274/resized_all-the-things-meme-generator-drink-all-the-booze-8aafd1.jpg
>"I mean, I consider myself a low-libido heterosexual with some bisexual tendencies and a preference but not requirement for romantic partners, but can I write that all out? Nooooooooo."
So...Bisexual?
I can understand being upset that they actually ask for this, but come on, demographic information is supposed to be pretty broad. Nothing wrong with the question's format.
6277844
In case no-one replied before: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-504
152.1: Poor Brucie
152.2: Very cool and serves Twi right
152.3: Beats rivers everytime.
152.4: So punny XD
152.5: Geez AJ, accept a defeat fracefully
152.6: ehehe so punny
152.7: This should be fun
152.8: Least it's not CelestAI
152.9: Gold brick free?
152.10: Tread carefully
152.11: Really?
152.12: Or jut glitchy code
152.13: These are always fun
152.14: Yay team rocket@
152.15: Bit surreal indeed
152.16: bwa.
152.17: *snerk*
152.17
You forget Freemane
Poor Woona
Oh my also I sometimes forget that Portal and Half Life occur in the same universe or something like that.
.13: alas that the bogbug tree deal is in one of the comics.
.14: They do win once in baseline. More than once. Then they either switch tactics (e.g. Viridian Gym) or realize there's a crisis only Ash's now-captive Pikachu can solve, and have to protect the workd from devastation...and thus release the 'chu.
152.17 was great. I really hope they encounter the Freeman's Mind version of Gordon again someday. Also, I really don't see why Twilight is upset. She really did only say nonlethal, and it's not like she and her friends haven't done -worse- to non-awake people.
6493185
Thank the Goddess the comics are non-canon, eh.
6297279 Let me deconstruct that for you. She doesn't have sex much (because she doesn't particularly want to- close to ace I guess), she's primarily hetero but sometimes she feels more like she's bi, and she primarily is a romantic lover, tying in with the "not much sex" part.
Also, is KSP looping??
152.2 805: ...infected? As far as I know, neither ill ponies nor zombies are compelled to come toward particular frequencies...
152.2 999: "How do I land?" Presumably by decreasing the dial gradually to zero.
152.6: ... ... who's in charge of deciding what any given symbol means? (And what kind of cutie mark would allow for that job?)
152.7: I'll be the first to admit I'm not familiar with a huge breadth of systems, but at least in vanilla D&D (which, given they're calling Shiny DM rather than GM, they're probably not using) there haven't been race-class restrictions since second edition.
Also, there totally are non-stealth ways to play a rogue. Perhaps not optimally, but just look at some of the third-edition prestige classes a rogue could take - arcane trickster, for instance.
152.14: Really, Twilight? It took you until they'd nearly finished their theme song to recognize them? Whereas I, with no direct experience of the Pokemon anime or movies (and next to no intentional experience of any Pokemon thing in about a decade), was certain that it was either them or a parody at the "Dashing hope" line.
152.16: ...You know what, I'm not going to ask.
152.17: Meh. I prefer my Freemanes to be of few words. (And stoic temperament, but that's variable considering the abrupt change of environment and status.)
6800721 805- Left For Dead. 999-that's hindsight!
Who's the anchor for the black mesa/aperture science loops? It could be a dual anchor system for the two companies, don't think it could be gordan.
152.3 This is literally all I could think about as I read this.
Look, if you decide you need to know my sexuality Because Reasons you don't get to throw a fit and insult me when I hand your stupid form back and tell you that you didn't give me the option to tell you the truth. Double this if it's a situation where lying because of your lack of truthful options would get me in trouble.
7196932
............was that supposed to be a reply to someone?
i saw a cartoon like that on DeviantArt: a bunch of Discord clones hopping around Pinkie-style saying, "chaos! chaos! chaos! chaos!"
ah, here's a voiced version:
ah, finally found it:
http://pony-berserker.deviantart.com/art/Use-Only-As-Directed-506899577
SHOO, ABS, SHOO!
yeah, i remember that comic book...
i much prefer the version in the story "the celestia code", the chapter "metamorphosis".
oh, this made me think of "Fallout Equestria"! the protagonist, Littlepip, grew up in an underground "Stable", where they had a rule like that. but somepony with a singing cutie-mark, who wanted to be a doctor, sneaked out, and Littlepip went after her...
... Eh. I really don't think Gordon would be that psychotic or foul-mouthed.
6800721
I was about to say that, re: 152.7
The only restriction on Monk is they have to be Lawful, and player races -- especially common ones like Half-Orc -- aren't restricted that way.
oh, the first part, with Bruce Wayne, reminded me of Dragon Ball Z, where Kami-Sama would only give martial-arts training to someone who could make him laugh!
oh, i finally got it! it's a subtle "old man Henderson" reference!
When I saw the catapult being used on Vinyl, this was what came to mind.
8769640
What about a Gordon Freeman who's been stuck running the gauntlet over, and over, and over, and over, never entirely sure that this won't be the loop that see's all of the familiar monsters replaced by xenomorphs or kaiju.
Being a rogue does include illusions!!!
152.14 WORST TEAM ROCKET MOTO EVER! Should have used Gen 1
8769640
This is the Freeman’s Mind Freeman.
10434292
oh, here's a funny "freeman's mind" excerpt:
It only goes to >2 Hendesons. And reaching that gets you kicked out most of the time.
Half-life is hilarious.
oh, this reminded me of a terrible pun in a "Hagar the horrible" comic strip:
"how can a balloon cost so much?"
"inflation."