• Published 19th Apr 2013
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MLP Time Loops - Saphroneth



Twilight Sparkle has been here before. In fact, she's been here so often she's thoroughly bored. Time Loop stories for Equestria.

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Loops 76

76.1 (Indalecio)


Big Mac In Little Gotham


Mac looked up from the bar he was tending and mused to himself. He was human at the moment, but it was all so very strange how he got there. At times, it seemed like the loops had a sense of humor.


Mac awoke. It was dark, and he riding in some sort of vehicle. It blazed past the city streets, taking the corners and curves with practiced ease.

A deep voice to the left of him spoke. "Good. You're Awake."

Mac turned, a man in a black cape and cowl sat in the drivers seat.

"I knew this was a variant loop from when I first met you. The Graysons aren't usually circus strongmen. I figured it was only a matter of time until you Awoke," Batman responded to the unasked question.

He continued. "First of all. What are your assets?"

"Super strength when I change size."

"That will useful against Bane."

"Plant growth abilities."

"That's either going to be an asset or liability against Poison Ivy. We'll look into that later."

"Expert on gamma radiation"

"Let me guess. You replaced Dr. Bruce Banner. You weren't kidding about the super strength."

"Bar tending skills."

"That'll make a good cover."

"Diplomacy and observation."

Batman gave a snort. "We'll see about that."

"Any liabilities?"

"Not much combat experience."

"We can fix that."

"I'd rather not," said Mac in a firm voice.

That elicited a pause and grunt. "Fair enough. If nothing else I can use you in a support role."


76.2 (Hubris Plus)


"Well, well, well... Been a long time since I seen your precious sun-loving faces," the voice boomed from the balcony. An alicorn stallion stepped out of the shadows and sneered down at the frighted ponies below. His pinstripe suit jacket and the fedora perched on his head seemed to drink the light, his grey coat only a shade lighter and the fringe of mane peeking from beneath the hat a deep crimson.

"What have you done with the Chairpony?!" exclaimed Ivory Scroll, the local foremare.

"He's right here, or don't you recognize me?" he asked, raising a hoof to his chest in mock hurt. "Spend a thousand years locked up an' suddenly nopony knows who you are."

"I know who you are!" Twilight called out, deciding to play to the Loop's script. It was a lonely loop, but it looked to be an interesting variant, at the very least. "You're Stellar Swindler, the Lunar Larcenist! A thousand years ago you tried to steal the sun, and now you've returned to finish the job!"

"Well, somepony's done their homework," Swindler grinned. A business card levitated out of his front pocket before being flung down to embed itself in the floor just in front of Twilight. "Get in touch, there's always room for go-getters in my organization. Still, not quite right. Never wanted to steal the sun, just... Hold onto it for a bit, until I got my fair share.

"See, for years my brother taxed day business, while I took the night. Guess who got the short end of that bargain?" He shook his head ruefully. "Not any more. Back then I was just going to collect the whole take until I broke even, but now..." He grinned viciously, "you ponies owe a thousand years in back taxes, and you have 'til sunup to to pay up."

"What!?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "There's no way we can get that kind of money in the next hour!"

"Oh, there's no rush. See, there's no sunup 'til you pay up!" He cackled uproariously before vanishing with a crack of thunder.


"-Because the Elements are right here!" Twilight exulted as the shards of glass and steel scattered at her hooves started to glow. The trip through the Everfree had been mostly baseline with a few quirks, though some had been bigger than others, she reminded herself with a glance at the trio of Shadowbolts that had joined the party. And of course there had been that detour she'd snuck off for towards the end...

"Applejack, who literally talked me into jumping off a cliff, represents the element of Convincing!" Glass pieced itself into imitation gems and steel stretched into wire as the cheap jewelry formed around the farmer's neck.

"Fluttershy, who appeared harmless enough that a wounded manticore allowed her to approach, represents the element of Endearment!"

"Pinkie Pie, whose song is still stuck in my head, represents Marketability!"

"Rarity, who convinced a river serpent that her tail would match the other half of his mustache, represents The Sell!"

"And Rainbow Dash, who put on such a show that your Shadowbolts defected to join her, represents Pizazz!"

"That's still only five!" Swindler cried out. "Without the sixth, the Elements of Chicanery are worthless!"

"You're right, Stellar," Twilight said without faltering. "Each of these on their own can only run a few minor scams. It's not until they work together that they reach their full potential. But they are working together, each subtly reacting to the sixth Element..."

"No... No!" Swindler shrieked as Twilight levitated upwards, a crown resolving on her head.

"That's right! I represent the last Element, the one that connects and guides the others! The Element of Scheming!" The six of them rose into the air, raw power flowing through and around them as the Elements of Chicanery flared to life, energies combining and growing. In an instant their light flashed to blinding levels and-

The Elements shattered like the cheap replicas they were. Swindler stared at them in shock for a moment before letting loose a mocking laugh.

"I should have known my brother's creations would fail at the critical moment! They always do!"

"Huh," Twilight said, nudging a shard of glass with a hoof. "Kinda surprised they lasted that long, really. Oh well, that's why we have backup plans." She opened her saddle bags and levitated out the six gems she'd collected from the Tree of Harmony while Rainbow Dash had wowed the Shadowbolts. It always paid to be prepared.

"Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Loyalty!" she shouted, throwing each Element to its respective Bearer as she rattled off their names before placing the sixth just above her head. "Friendship is magic! Harmony is go! Fire!"

This time there was no buildup, only an instantaneous release of rainbow light as Twilight leveraged her finely honed mastery of the true Elements to cleanse the wayward brother.

When the light died away it revealed the familiar, if alicorned, yellow form of Flim, his boater drifting down to settle gently on his head as he boggled. A moment later a flash of light in the window resolved itself into the regal form of Flam, Chairpony of the Equestrian Megacorp, his ethereal mustache floating on an unfelt breeze.

"Twilight, I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank for... Oh? What's this?" he asked as he examined the piece of paper Twilight had been telekinetically prodding him with.

"My bill for services rendered, plus hazard pay," she answered. It might have seemed a little mean, but from what her Loop memories told her, alicorns or not they were still Flim and Flam.

"Aha," Flam replied, eyes twinkling with mischief. "What a coincidence, that's exactly the same that I charge for using the patented Flamco Elements of Chicanery!"

"Those things?" she asked, nodding towards the heap of broken jewelry. "Flim broke them before I laid a hoof on them, I had to use the Elements of Harmony instead."

"You, ah, got those old things working, did you?" he asked, suddenly nervous.

"Yep, and since I got them from a tree located on unincorporated land, I'm pretty sure they're an untaxable natural resource."

"Sounds about right," Applejack, master of tree tax law, interjected.

"Ah, well..." She could practically see him running sums against the treasury in his head as his eyes darted about wildly.

"You know, Flam," Flim said, stepping unsteadily up beside his brother. "I hear Zebrica is lovely this time of year."

"Right you are, Flim! Terribly sorry, Twilight, we'll have to settle this later, my brother is in desperate need of recuperation! Goodbyyyyyyeeeeee!" he shouted as he turned and bolted out the window, his brother close behind as he flapped frantically to keep up.

"Huh..." Twilight pondered as she reviewed the corporate chain of command. "...I think I'm in charge now..."


76.1 continued (Indalecio)


It was a simple job. Run a bar in a bad side of town. Keep my ear to the ground in case any useful information popped up. And then she walked in.


Dr. Pamela Iseley, or Poison Ivy, as she was better known as. He'd read her profile. Her MO was seducing wealthy men and leaving them high and dry. She was sitting at the bar, a potted plant next to her, an amaranth, if his guess wasn't wrong, which was looking unusually healthy and vibrant. More unusual was the owner herself, with her elbows on the bar with head in hands... and she was currently making doe eyes at him.

"Is it hot in here? Or is it just me?" she asked casually.

"I can turn down the thermostat if you'd like, Miss..."

"Rose. Call me Rose."

"Very well. Miss Rose, would you like me to turn down the thermostat?"

She blushed when I mentioned her pseudonym. She paused a for an abnormally long length, just staring at me.

I spoke again. "Miss Rose?"

She jumped. "Would you like me to turn down the thermostat?"

"Oh! No! Maybe if you could just refresh my drink, please?"


She's now a regular at the bar. I looked over to where she was sitting. She gave a demure little wave. I waved back.

Regardless, she wasn't the last villain to visit.


76.3 (The One Butcher)


Twilight Awoke once again. A hopeful Ping, and... She waited a little longer, maybe they just need a little more time to respond, it's not their fault, they couldn't know, they couldn't possibly know. They probably needed some more time, so she sent a few more Pings.

Spike came to her and frantically waved his arms. "Twilight! I've been looking for you the whole day! Princess Celestia has a mission for you!"

"I'm... a bit busy Spike," she said absentmindedly, pinging again, just in case someone woke up in the last few minutes.

Spike looked her over. She looked terrible. "Did, did you skip lunch? Also... Did you spend the whole day sitting here? Come on, the sun is going down and Celestia wants you to attend the Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville and make some friends. A little vacation will do you some good."

"Friends... I want to see my friends again... thirteen times Spike... thirteen times I've been alone... Yes, it's time for a vacation." And the sun that was just about to set froze on the horizon. "It's time for a little Me time, yes... It's time for a little... Twilight Time."


"IS THERE ANYONE, ANYWHERE THAT THINKS TIME HAS REPEAT ITSELF? COME TO ME FOR GREAT PRIZES! I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU DESIRE! YOU CAN RULE ALL OF EQUESTRIA! I'D EVEN GLADLY FREE CELESTIA IF YOU WANT!" The Message written on the Moon made a lot of Ponies seek her out. The liars were thrown in the dungeon for a few days, but the nutcases were treated with respect and even got a gold medal and a thousand bits for their bravery in coming forth. She didn't want to discourage anyone who thinks they are going crazy after all. There was a bit of dissent among her followers because the coastal flooding due to the closer Moon forced the evacuation of some cities, but that was crazy. How else could she fit the whole message in a readable size? Her thoughts were cut off when she was suddenly blasted with a rainbow from behind.


Twilight Awoke as a foal. She immediately send out a Ping... Well, at least it wasn't a baseline. She was gonna try for another Cutie Mark.

But when the day of the Rainboom came, she completely forgot about it. However with her extremely low spirits and unharmonious mindset there was no surge of power. Twilight was still a Blank Flank... Mhh...


The very next Summer Sun Celebration Princess Celestia was just about to step on the stage, when the sun rose behind her without prompting. All the ponies thought it was a joke Celestia pulled when she stared slack jawed at the Sun as if not comprehending how it got there. When she felt for the Magic which raised it, her jaw met the ground. "You! Little filly!" She jumped down into the crowd, spooking her guards. The little purple pony was already walking away. "Did you just raise the sun?" she asked to the confusion of anypony present. That... that has to have been a prank.

"Yeah. I saw you do it last year and wanted to try it myself where I could see your reaction, so I waited until now," the filly said with a bored expression.

"That is a very impressive feat. What would you say if I made you my personal student?" The crowd backed away and some ponies stared at the little filly in awe, but most didn't buy it.

They felt validated when the little filly laughed in Celestia's face, thinking her mask cracked. Oh how they would come to realize the "Truth."

"Ha, as if you could teach me anything! I already know everything." Now it was Celestia's turn to laugh.

"Ah, children. If you know everything, then why don't you have your Cutie Mark yet?" The crowd chuckled along, really who was fooled? A Blank Flank raising the sun?

"Case in Point," the filly said with an air of superiority. "I know exactly how Cutie Marks work. The fact that you have one and think I would want one is a reason why you couldn't possibly teach me anything. Who on Equestria would voluntarily weaken themselves by forcing their Magic into a specialization? If you have no Cutie Mark and have enough focus, everything is your Special Talent. I can do absolutely everything, because my Magic is still free. Come on, I just showed you I can raise the sun, test me. Everything is my Special Talent."

Celestia looked around and liberated a tuba from her band. Twilight played the Equestrian National anthem and then a speedy solo that made the actual tuba player green with envy. Then she gave the filly a violin and a cello as well as a trumpet and a trombone, the filly played each perfectly. She turned a clarinet into a Fluegelhorn, an ancient instrument not seen in hundreds of years, but the filly played even that like a master which studied a lifetime. The filly then turned a mouse into a lion, made it jump through a conjured hoop and vanished a spear Celestia reluctantly threw her way, she then used martial arts to take away another guards spear and fought off a contingent of twenty pegasi guards with it. She build a statue of herself in a heroic pose and drew a Masterpiece worthy of any museum with a paste made of spittle and street dirt. She then vanished in a flash of light and brought back an Ursa Major, its Minor Baby and a Hydra which she taught a little dance number.

If anypony still thought it was a prank, then they stopped when she ascended and made a moving sculpture out of clouds of two unicorns battling each other with real lightning. "You... you can turn into an Alicorn!!!"

The filly just looked at her like she was stupid and lost her wings. "Yes. I think I mentioned that to you..."

"What? When?" Celestia stared at her in confusion, her mind thoroughly blown.

"When I told you in no uncertain terms, that I could do absolutely everything," the filly retorted.

Celestia teleported into her statue garden to check, that yes, Discord was still in its statue.

"Say little one... can you get the Mare in the Moon down here and free her from any corrupting influence?" she asked, just in case. She regretted it immediately.

Well, a flash, a short wait and a confused looking Nightmare Moon later, but still pretty soon.

The Mare of Darkness looked around for a bit before grinning in a diabolical fashion. Then she started laughing manically:"Free! Free at last! And now Equestria will feel my wrath and my revenge will be complete!"

Really it was fearsome. Everypony would have ran away in terror, had not the bored-looking purple filly balancing on her back spoiled the mood.

Said filly touched her horn to the back of her head and Nightmare Moon's eyes went wide as she was assaulted by memories of her loving sister.

Corruption melted away and left a weeping Princess of the Night. "Sister... c-can... can you ever forgive me?"

"Absolutely. Motherbucking. Every-URGH!" started the bored filly before being Tacklehugged(TM) by Celestia. "THANK YOU!" she weeped, and nuzzled the filly. Luna looked shocked. Celestia saw and pulled her into The Hug. Twilight couldn't breathe. That was new.

I guess it's because instead of planning the whole thing for years it was from Zero-Hope to Luna-Right-There in one morning.

"What's your name, little filly?" she finally asked.

"Twi-...light Spar...kle," she ground out.

Celestia let her breathe and lifted her up for the crowd to see, taking wing and holding her up.

"Today we celebrate the nine hundred and ninety first Summer Sun Celebration, the return and recovery of Luna, Princess of the Night, and by my Royal Decree the Coronation of Princess Twilight Sparkle! The Princess of Absolutely Motherbucking Everything!"


Meanwhile Spike was sitting in a rock made to look like an egg. He didn't have ANY Magic, not even the tiniest smidgin, so he could only wait and wait until Twilight finally deigned to hatch him or activated the Elements, so he could mooch off of Loyalty. As it was he didn't even have the Magic to activate it himself...


76.1 continued (Indalecio)


Harvey Dent's voice rasped, likely as a consequence of the burns to half of his face. "All that time I spent as District Attorney."

He took a sip of whiskey, out of one of the two shot glasses in front of him. "Did I really accomplish anything? Sure I sent plenty of criminals to jail and Arkham. But they just then just got out. And then I get worst sunburn ever on half of my face."

Mac thought back to Two-Face's profile, it was chemical burn, but he nodded sympathetically.

"So I decided, if I can't accomplish anything as a good guy, why not try being bad guy? With my knowledge of the criminal underworld, I could become the biggest fish in the pond."

He took another sip, one of a dozens he had that night. Mac really did sympathize. On the one hoof, these people were genuinely crazy, and needed help, but on the other hoof, a small piece at the back of his mind couldn't help but wonder at Gotham City's revolving door justice system. Arkham Asylum was cheap for the city budget. The staff was overworked and sometimes incompetent, his mind wandered back to Harlene Quinzel's case briefly, and their budget was underfunded due to rampant government corruption. This was in addition to the rumors that the place was cursed.

"But the Bat kept interrupting my plans! I can't accomplish anything as a good guy! I can't accomplish anything as bad guy! Do my choices really matter at all?" Harvey promptly collapsed against the bar, sobbing.


76.4 (LordCirce)


Big Mac tilted his head to look up at where Discord was seated on the ceiling. The dragonequus had walked into the bar, walked up the wall, and conjured a mirror image of the bar on the ceiling, before slumping dejectedly...up...on the countertop. Taking it in stride, Big Mac flipped a mug of one of Berry's "Ascension Standards" upwards, where it landed directly in front of Discord, who began drinking it through an elaborately conjured swirly straw.

"So, what Loop's got yeh so up in the air?"

Discord groaned. "Smash Brothers."

Big Mac blinked. Admittedly, fighting wasn't exactly his forte, but the couple of Loops he had spent in the Smash Brother Universe had been pretty smooth, all things considered. Big Mac nodded with a thoughtful silence, which encouraged Discord to continue.

"I mean, it's all so, formulaic. Yes, it's funny seeing one of the fighters try to figure out how to walk straight after a Topsy-Turvy Trick, but it gets old when that is all it can do. Even that Final Smash wasn't real chaos. It had 13 effects, and it would only do 1 at a time. And the glow I put off broadcast which it would be! How much more predictable could it get?" Discord sighed before leaning over to lay an arm around Big Mac's shoulders.

Big Mac started upon realizing that at some point he had ended up on a bar stool on the ceiling next to Discord. Below them, Berry giggled and trotted behind the bar to take over while Big Mac was busy with the moping chaos god.


76.1 continued (Indalecio)


Jervis Tetch, the one known as Mad Hatter, sat by the bar. He spoke up suddenly. "Would you like to see a neat trick?"

Mac raised his eyebrow.

"Ah! No, it's nothing bad. Merely...interesting." He lifted a veiled box from its current position at his feet and lifted the curtain. Inside were two mice, one sitting and one standing on either side of a miniaturized bar counter. The sitting one was squeaking and gesturing wildly with his claws, while the other was nodding his head in agreement.

Jervis grinned. "I was right, was I not?"

Mac nodded. "I can't say that wasn't interesting. A mite creepy, but interesting."

Another chuckle from Jervis was cut short, as the door to the bar slammed open suddenly. Waylon Jones, also known as Killer Croc, strod into the bar and up the counter. "Your strongest stuff! Now!" slamming his fist hard on the bar counter.

The mouse cage jumped, nearly causing it to fall off.

"Careful you ruffian! It nearly fell!" cried Jervis.

Croc turned and gave the Hatter a hard look. "Oh that's too bad. What are you going to do about it?"

"Gentlemen. You both know the rules. No fighting in the bar," Mac stated firmly.

Croc turned to Mac. "Oh? As I said, what are you to do about it?"

Mac started to grow, and turn green. As he did so, he said, "Croc, you're beginning to annoy me. You would not like me when I'm annoyed."

Croc visibly paled. He turned to Jervis. "Umm..sorry, Jervis old pal. Don't know what got over me."


76.5 (Filraen)


Jab. Feint. One-two. Big Macintosh sent another flurry of punches to his shadow while quickly shifting his weight between his two legs for warming up.

It had been a strange loop, the first time Big Mac had looped as those human creatures Ms. Twilight had talked about, and it felt weird walking on two legs and having so little fur. Even less accommodating was the role his pre-Awakening self was doing: just practice for fighting?

But he couldn't remove himself from his pre-Awake life so easily: he was outside his element, not even in Equestria, and even now he hadn't met anypony he could recognize. Add to that the world itself was the most different he could have imagined, being used to the simple life of being a farmer in Ponyville. He was frankly frightened.

Li'l quick steps. The rope jumping exercise was one of the most difficult to get the hang on, but after falling a lot of times he had mastered it. He was surprised how much it helped to build balance.

And so Big Macintosh fought. At the beginning he lost badly, specially since he still hadn't managed to be the most stable on legs but the mountain of a human who was King Hippo probably had something to do with it. He almost didn't move but he could block every punch he tried. In the end, he managed to defeat him by using some comment Ms. Twilight told some time ago: humans have modesty on the clothes they wear, specially between their hind legs. It was a little luck King Hippo's shorts were a bit loose so he had to held them from falling off, and completely forgetting his defensive stance when he dropped them.

The abdominal curls were an interesting exercise because Big Macintosh wasn't sure he could do it in his normal pony body; and while he thought doing a few hundreds at a time felt a bit much, he understood his body needed to be in a perfect fit. He was however worried about the fall as he was exercising hanging down, and while he had some idea at how resilient was this body to punches he didn't want to learn how resilient was his body to falling from the second floor.

Still, punching felt awkward. Big Macintosh was much more used to bucking from so many seasons of apple harvesting but he was told it was an illegal move. And even then, he didn't like fighting or hurting anypony else. At least, Big Macintosh realized, the rules of what being allowed or not in fights, or boxing as the humans called it, were strict and not ever were broken. Even the annoying Ayan Ryan, who Big Macintosh thought was going to cheat somewhere in the fight, kept from fighting when he had fell from a hit apart from saying a few taunts.

Big Macintosh didn't like fighting, he didn't want to like fighting, but he respected boxing as a sport even if he didn't want to participate on it after this loop.

Now to the sandbag. Much like the beginning, a combination of quick and strong punches while rotating the sandbag would help the practice.

Not all of the loop was bad, though. He left in silent good terms with Piston Hondo, which helped drive the point home about respecting the opponent and the sport and his own name had gained some notoriety. Not that he wanted the fame but it was the best idea he had about trying to find Ms. Twilight. This world was too big and strange to search alone. But that wasn't the whole reason...

"Quick feet, Mac Baby!"

Doc Louis, his trainer. When Big Macintosh arrived to his world he had the memories of Doc Louis training him, both in the gym and in the field running after his bike and the enormous trust both had on each other. Both his pre-Awake self, Little Mac, and Doc Louis were completely aware of how much the odds were stacked against him when they joined the WVBA and decided to go for the World Class Championship, and they still decided to challenge it. But the most important was...

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "That's enough for today, son. No need to overwork yourself today," said Doc Louis.

Big Macintosh, along with his sisters Applejack and Applebloom, was orphaned young, soon after little Bloom's birth. It had been Granny Smith's job to raise them as well as take care of the farm. Of course, that meant he had to grow up a bit faster to help with the house's chores and raising his littlest sister. It was something that had always been a constant, even after time started looping. And he missed all of them terribly.

However, this loop had given Big Mac something he didn't know he missed: a father figure. He could see how Doc Louis really meant it when he said son, even if his memories told him they weren't blood related. He had to find Ms. Twilight in this huge world, but maybe he could be a bit selfish and take this small pleasure, knowing that after the loop reset he would be back at Sweet Apple Acres with his family...

Big Macintosh's blood ran cold. Was that how Applejack felt? Being so separated from her kin to yearn so hard being with her family again? Probably she even wished he would start Looping, much like he was told lil' Applebloom was. An' then Ah hid from her until Ms. Twilight discovered me... Fewmets, Ah need to apologize to ma sister again.

But that's for the next time they meet. Now he had to rest to fight the Title Match against Mr. Sandman tomorrow. He would enjoy his foster father this time and would mourn Little Mac, whom Big Macintosh thought he could have just unwillingly stolen his life.

Ye may never know me, Li'l Mac, but tomorrow Big Mac will fight for the Doc's and yer dream.


76.1 continued (Indalecio)


Pamela Iseley approached Mac at the close of the bar.

"Mac, I'd like to ask you something," she said. He briefly tensed up, imagining what was coming up next.

"Could you give me a job?"

Mac blinked as his brain rebooted. After a few seconds, he once again found his wits.

"Alright, why do you want one, and in particular why here?"

"I knew you'd ask that. In truth, my name is not Rose, it's Pamela Iseley, but you might know me better as Poison Ivy, though I suspect you know all this already."

"Eyup."

"But in truth, I'm not even really Pamela Iseley, I'm some sort of plant-based clone of her. I found this out recently. It explained why my memories only go back a few years."

Mac raised an eyebrow.

"You have some plant related ability, don't you?"

Mac nodded.

She turned to her side, "Whenever I'm around you I feel happier and more alive. The plants in here," she nodded to a half-dozen plants scattered throughout the bar, "all grow and thrive despite the conditions they're in. I think this is why I was initially attracted to you."

One more she turned to face Mac, "But there's more to that, more to you. All these people with checkered pasts and questionable sanity. They come in, and you listen, and you don't judge them and they feel safe here. I feel safe here. I was originally going to ask if we could start going out, but I can't do that. I'm not Pamela, I'm not even sure who I am anymore. Are her goals my goals? Her thoughts, my thoughts?"

"I don't know. But I don't think I can continue to live the life I've been living. I want to see if I can do things differently. Be more than just a clone of Pamela Iseley."

Mac stood there, taking it all in. He finally responded. "Alright, let's see if we can't teach you to mix a different set of poisons."


The Bat was perplexed. This didn't happen often, and his experience as a looper meant that it was happening less and less often as time went on, but still...

"Reformed?" he asked.

"Oh yes," the clone who was now calling herself Lily Iseley reiterated. She'd been released from Arkham several months after having turned herself in, and he wasn't sure if he was buying it.

He mulled it over. "I'll be watching you," he said, and vanished.

Honestly, if things continued the way they were, it could wind up almost as bad as that time Nanoha 'befriended' Darkseid...


76.6 (The One Butcher)


"Hey, Rainbow?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"I just realized we never had a real race."

Rainbow looked at her curiously. "What? Surely we raced. We've done absolutely everything."

"No..." Twilight considered. "I mean we had car races, plane races, foot races, all stuff where it's about you having unfamiliar equipment or my superior engineering playing a role, but we never had an honest to goodness race by wing where both of us went all out."

"Well, probably because everyone knew the outcome..." Rainbow said modestly.

For her that is.

Twilight was undeterred however. "Yeah, still. Let's have a real race, both of us as Alicorns, to make it fair, but no Magic. A real all out competition where you give it your all, not you playing with me."

"Sure. Once around the World?"

"Nah, that's boring. Mh... Zecora isn't awake is she? Doesn't matter, she's still pretty knowledgeable, we'll let her plot out a course through all the most dangerous parts of the Everfree for us. I'll need a bit more time to get ready, limber up, become more used to my alicorn form. Let's race Saturday next week at noon!"


"You... ha... ha... ha... you won..."

Twilight beamed a smile that would make any colt fall in love at two hundred paces. She couldn't talk of course, she could barely breathe...

"That... that cave..." she gasped, "I couldn't... see a thing in there..."

"Me..." croaked Twilight "neither..."

"You... you... could... navigate it anyway... and... and you knew exactly when those stalactites would fall... you accelerated while they would miss you by inches..."

"L-... Luck?" stuttered Twilight between heaves.

"And... And you... knew what that... Ursa Major would do when you shouted "Whoo Hoo!" And... woke its Baby."

"In... stinct?"

"You ducked low before the Hydra was even visible."

"It wasn't exactly... quiet."

"And the fight between the Manticore and the Pack of Timberwolves?"

"..."

"How many times have you asked Unawake Zecora for the most dangerous route through the Everfree forest?"

"Uh... I... lost count?"

"How many times have you raced against my Unawake self and how long have you spend trying to extrapolate a winning strategy against my Awake self?"

"There too."

"Since when did you plan this?"

"Since shortly after you became a Looper."

"..."

"And now that I've beaten all Alicorns and all Loopers and proved that I am the best flyer of all time, I will withdraw from the Alicorn Racing Cycle as undefeated Champion. No rematches."

"WHAT THE..."


76.7 (Masterweaver)


Twilight blinked twice.

"...what?"

"Will you marry me?"

The unicorn stared down at Rainbow Dash. "Uh.... well. Hrm. You do realize we haven't dated."

"Yeah, so?"

"...and I'm straight."

"You can turn me into a colt, I don't mind."

"...and probably asexual."

"Well, sex isn't everything."

"...and have no interest in romance whatsoever."

Rainbow grinned. "Yet."

Ever so carefully, Twilight extended a bit of her magic to examine her friend. After a moment, her eyes narrowed. "Trixie put you up to this, didn't she Chrysalis."

Rainbow Dash blinked twice as a blue unicorn removed her invisibility spell with a smug grin. "Told you she wouldn't fall for it. Ten bits!"


76.8 (LordCirce)


Applejack peeked into the cabin containing Bloomberg. She was rather nervous about this trip out to Appleloosa, and the antics of the others weren't helping things. Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and that one unicorn Trixie were all playing tricks on each other, and she thought Spike might have joined in. Rarity was complaining about the trip, and Twilight had holed up in her bunk with a stack of books. The only one not causing trouble was Fluttershy, but that was normal.

Sighing, Applejack made her way over to the tree. She checked the covers, inspected the apples to make sure they were all looking healthy, then sat back to read another bedtime story (more to calm herself than anything), when she noticed an odd pattern on the side of the trunk. She leaned in to get a better look. It looked sort of like a butterfly. Then, Bloomberg sneezed.

Applejack froze. Despite what Rarity may have insinuated, she didn't actually expect Bloomberg to talk back or anything. Slowly, she responded. "Bless ya?" There was a shudder that ran through the tree and, with a second sneeze, the tree turned into Fluttershy.

Applejack's mouth fell open. Fluttershy shuffled her feet abashedly. "I'm sorry, Rainbow asked me too, because poor Spike..." Fluttershy's explanation was cut off by the door to the cabin bursting open, and Spike, Pinkie, and RD bursting in, with Pinkie pulling Bloomberg through the doorway.

"We're back! Celestia had set the tree to the side, so I was able to just grab it. I don't think I lost any apples on...the way...back..." Rainbow Dash's voice trailed off as she spotted Applejack, who was looking back and forth between Fluttershy and Bloomberg, her mouth gaping. "Eh heh heh, Spike did it!" Rainbow Dash shot back through the door way as Pinkie and Fluttershy carefully set Bloomberg back in his place, Pinkie helpfully sliding Applejack to the side and handing her a "Yay, Bloomberg is Back!" cupcake.

"What? Trixie's the one that hit me with the sneezing powder. Hey, don't just run off." Spike quickly ran after Rainbow Dash.


Twilight stood next to Trixie as they observed the talks between the Appleloosans and Buffaloes. Behind them, Pinkie was currently tied up to keep her from trying yet another song-and-dance number to fix the mess (she hadn't yet found one that really worked, though Pinkie still insisted the time she got both sides to team up to run them out of town was a success). As Thunderhooves issued his ultimatum, Trixie perked up, her horn glowing slightly, before Twilight stuck out her hoof in front of her.

"No dakka."

Trixie slumped, pouting slightly, as the two sides walked away. Twilight rolled her eyes. "I told you, you get your turn only if negotiations break down completely." Trixie just sulked.


Twilight once again smacked her head as she took shelter under an overturned table. Why did I think letting Trixie loose was a good idea? She was joined in her impromptu fortress by both Chief Thunderhooves and Sheriff Silverstar, and together they watched as yet another round of explosive apple pies hurtled through the air. The property damage was minimal, for Trixie, anyway, and Trixie didn't seem to notice that all of her "targets" had since taken cover from her confectionery barrage.

Sighing to herself, Twilight pulled out a sheet of paper. "While I have both of you here, I have an agreement that should solve both of your problems. I will make the scary unicorn go away if you both sign..."

They ripped the first copy in the brief fight over who got to sign first.


76.9 (Detective Ethan Redfield)


"Nurse Redheart, what's the prognosis?" asked Celestia as they walked down the hospital hallway. She arrived immediately when she heard the news.

The female pony walked over to Twilight's bed and looked at her clipboard on the door, "According to these charts...she's...going through her earth pony phase."

Celestia gasped...then blinked in confusion, "Wait, what?"

Redheart set down the clipboard and looked the sun pony in the eyes. "Apparently it has to do with her connection to the Elements of Harmony. Her body is channeling the magic of friendship and she will eventually become an alicorn."

The nurse slid open the door, where Twilight lay in bed, lacking a horn on her head. The purple earth pony waved, "Princess, I'm glad you're here. When this-" lifting up a purple unicorn horn in her hoof, "happened, I freaked out. Thankfully, Spike calmed me down and took me to the hospital to get it checked out."

Redheart smiled at Twilight, "Your horn will grow back in time, Twilight. In a couple weeks, your body will shift to that of a pegasus and finally an alicorn."

Twilight sighed in relief, and then her eyes went wide again, "Oh gosh! Will that make me a princess? What if the other ponies don't like me? Or worse, I make a mistake and end up in a war against the Griffon Empire? Or worse, accidentally release Discord when I try learning how to fly? You won't send me back to magical kindergarten if I mess up, would you Celestia?"

Celestia trotted over to her and nuzzled her head, "I'm not going to make you a princess, Twilight, if you don't want me to. And I would never send you back to magical kindergarten. You're my faithful student, and nothing will change that."

Twilight sighed in relief again. That sweet moment was ended at Redheart clearing her throat. "Princess Celestia, she is not the only case of this. Apparently, the other five element bearers are also going through their alicornification phases. If you would accompany me, they will need to be re-assured that everything is alright too."


After Celestia had visited all the Element Bearers, she departed from the hospital to rent a room in the local inn. Luna took over for her duties back at Canterlot for the next month, besides raising the sun. Back at the hospital, Nurse Redheart slid the door closed of Twilight's room, and a purple light covered the walls, ensuring no one could hear their conversation. An alicorn Twilight was the first to speak. "Thank you for your assistance, Nurse Redheart. Couldn't have done it without you and Pinkie's replica unicorn horn."

Redheart gave a rueful grin, "It was kind of fun and exhilarating, pranking the princess like that. Maybe one day if I start 'looping' as you put it earlier, we can do this again."

Twilight floated a camera in front of herself and Redheart and gave a big grin as the flash went off, "Will do!"


76.10 (TheCentauress)


Twilight hated Poison Joak. Hated it with a passion. It ALWAYS screwed with her mana-abilities. The current situation was a perfect example; her horn was inverting all her effects with a half-twist in a random plane.

And the Ursa Minor was approaching town.

"Fluttershy!" she yelled! "BABY! CUTE BABY!" Then she ducked.

The town was shocked upon seeing the Town Hall-sized Ursa Minor being rocked in a cradle made of a rapidly-grown willow, while being fed from a long, hollow vine with a gigantic nipple tied to the end. They were even more shocked when an actual Ursa Major trotted up a few moments later, looked down at the scene then flopped over on its side outside the town border and dozed off.

The lavender mare grinned. She loved it when a plan came together. Praise the Blue Spruce that Fluttershy liked her 'cute and cuddly' critters... maybe she could get the pegasus an apprenticeship with Hagrid some Loop...


76.11 (Masterweaver)


Cadance stopped dead, her ears perking.

"...Honey?" Shining Armor nudged her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." The pink alicorn's voice was distant. "But I think something might be right. Do you mind if I disappear for a bit?"

"Well, I guess not--"

Shining blinked. In a flash of blue magic, Cadance had vanished. After a moment, he shook his head. "Probably has something to do with that Chrysalis mare that dropped by for the wedding..."


"Aha!"

Cadance marched forward, pointing a pink hoof at the eight-legged stallion. "I knew it! I knew it had to be you!"

"...I'm sorry?"

"Large bursts of love aren't anything new, but love fueling up from deep magic?" She grinned. "I thought to myself, it has to be an admin, and that meant it had to be an admin familiar with this place. And that meant you, most likely."

Sleipnir sighed awkwardly, turning to the anthropomorphic mare sitting across from him. "Sorry about this, Epona, she's... she's a romantic."

"It's not really a problem," his date replied, giving Cadance a small smile and offering a hand. "Hello. I'm Epona, Celtic goddess of steeds and fertility."

"And I'm Mi Amore Cadenza, local goddess of romantic love." The alicorn put a hoof in the offered hand and shook firmly. "Buuuuut you can call me Cadance. It's so nice to meet you!"

"You certainly seem like an eager young demigod. I do approve of you and Shining, you make a nice couple."

"Thanks! So..." The alicorn tilted her head. "How's Sleipnir been treating you?"

Epona smiled. "He's been a perfect gentleman. Or is it gentlestallion around here?"

"Gentlecolt, actually." Cadance smiled to herself as the Odinsteed buried his blushing face in four hooves. "I expected nothing less of him."


Author's Note:

76.1: He's the god damned barman.
76.2: You just can't get the rulers some loops.
76.3: Stir crazy much?
76.4: Discord is not a fan of competitive balance.
76.5: Somewhere early on in Mac's time.
76.6: Officially the fastest, in 100% of all alicornified races between Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash.
76.7: Shape shifter practical jokes.
76.8: Tree Shape. Also, Trixie is excellent at diplomacy. Really.
76.9: It's just a phase they're going through.
76.10: Poison Joak: like Poison Joke, but differently spelt.
76.11: Well, they can hardly go to Eiken for a date.

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