Loops 61
61.1 (Goldude)
"Rarity."
"Ayhppuljayuhk."
"Why are y'all talking and dressing like that? Y'all ain't even base Rarity. This is because of Trendhoof, ain't it?"
"Why are y'all talking 'boot? Ah always dreyuss lahke thiyus."
Applejack facehoofed. Rarity's definitely messing with her.
61.2 (Kris Overstreet)
Several Loops after Rainbow Dash first broke the warp barrier, she prepared for a second run. This time she was going to push past a simple run around Equestria's sun. This time she was going to try to reach the nearest star, about three light-years away, and return.
"Even at warp speeds, that could take weeks," Twilight Sparkle protested as Dash, already Ascended, did some stretching exercises.
"At low warp, yeah," Dash nodded. "I'm hoping to hit Warp Six, though; if I do, I'll be able to make the round trip in just a couple days."
"WAAAAIT!" Pinkie Pie came running out to the meadow, trailing a large covered wagon behind her. "Rainbow Dash, waaaaait!"
"What is it, Pinkie?" Dash asked. "I'm kind of ready to go, now."
"But you can't leave without something to eat! You'll get hungry!"
"Pinkie... alicorn?" Dash gestured at herself.
"Here! I made you a special fruit tart just for you!" Pinkie whipped off the cover of the wagon, revealing a flat pastry with raspberry frosting thickly coated with sprinkles. The thing was actually a little longer than Dash's whole body.
"What IS that?"
"Well, I knew you'd be going a really long, long way," Pinkie said, "so I made you an extra big one to last!"
"Pinkie," Rainbow Dash said, taking a deep breath to calm herself, "I'll be going supersonic almost as soon as I leave the ground. I'll be going faster than light once I leave atmosphere. I appreciate the thought, but your pastry is just going to be ripped apart!"
"According to my super-scientific super-calculations which I totally super-calculated on this napkin," Pinkie Pie said, unfolding a napkin... and unfolding... and unfolding... and unfolding until it was as large as the tarp she'd taken off her wagon, "so long as you hold the tart right up against your body it'll totally be contained within your slipstream! It'll be just fine!"
"But..."
Dash looked into the wide-eyed puppy-dog smile of Pinkie Pie.
"But Pinkie, I...."
The smile widened slightly with Pinkie's squee.
Dash's ears drooped in defeat. "Fine, I'll take it." She took off, hovering just off the ground. "Hoof it up to me, will you, Twilight?"
As Twilight levitated the giant tart up into Rainbow Dash's hooves, the blue alicorn sighed. "I just hope nobody sees me like this."
"Don't worry," Twilight said. "We haven't picked up any signals from the Vulpine, so they probably don't exist this Loop."
"And besides," Pinkie Pie grinned, "space is so really-really big, the odds of you meeting anybody you know are so eensy-weensy small that..."
But Dash, having had enough of the reassurance of her friends, had already blasted off in a rainbow blur.
Captain's Log, Stardate 43293.2:
We are departing the outer reaches of the Omega Centauri system after investigating reports of an astronomical anomaly. Apparently the star in question is orbiting a class-M planet, in defiance of all known laws of physics. However, primitive radio signals eminating from the planet, coupled with the fact of the star's obvious artificial orbit, indicates a probable civilization on the cusp of interstellar travel. As per the Prime Directive the Enterprise is evacuating the area before it can be detected. I am sending a recommendation to Starfleet that the system be quarantined until further notice.
In civilian Earth terms, the ship's time was about four in the morning. Captain Jean-Luc Picard had been up all night on the bridge, but he didn't begrudge the sleepless night. He had been unaware, until early scans had come back of the Omega Centauri system, that the current Loop was in reality a fused Loop. However, one look at the scans had been sufficient to recognize the oddball world where the sun orbited the planet every twenty-four hours. He knew what it was... and more to the point, he was determined that Section 31 never learn of its existence, not if he could help it.
So, with the help of Commander Data, the records had been doctored just a trifle, just enough to make them indeterminate. So long as the quadrupedal inhabitants of that world didn't start using subspace communication or, worse, develop a warp drive, they would be safe until the current Loop ended and their worlds separated again.
"Captain," Data said from the navigational console, "sensors are picking up a small warp field traveling at approximately Warp 6.1. The field is overtaking us and will pass us in roughly thirty seconds."
The Enterprise was doing an even Warp 6. Whatever it was would pass them by relatively slowly.
"Point of origin?" Picard asked.
"Past trajectory points to the Omega Centauri system," Date replied.
Sacre-damn, Picard thought to himself. "I'm quite certain," Picard said slowly, "that what you're picking up is in fact an error generated by the sensors. Begin a level three diagnostic and clear all erroneous information."
"Yes, sir," Data said, hands not moving.
"Mr. Data, I believe I gave an order," Picard said.
"Yes, sir," Data replied. "But I am curious to see what it is... that we are not seeing."
Data, Picard could tell, was playing it safe. He wasn't supposed to have emotions in this timeline for years yet, but as a Looper he retained the potential... and curiosity was eating him up.
On reflection, Picard found it was eating him up, too. "Very well, Mr. Data," he said at last. "On screen, please."
The two officers, the only ones on the bridge at the moment by Picard's own orders, stared at the object on the screen for several seconds.
"Screen full ahead," Picard said. "Then add the port rear visual scanners to the diagnostic, and purge the erroneous information from them as well."
"Yes, sir," Data said, with just the tiniest hint of emphasis.
Ten-Forward never slept, or if it did nobody could tell. Since she had come aboard the ship, no crewman or family member had ever come to the lounge and not found Guinan there waiting to serve whatever was called for.
That early, early morning she had only one customer, a teenage child of one of the crew, who was practicing his synthesizer for a recital in the morning- in, Guinan reflected, only another five hours. She'd tried hinting that he hit the sack, but he said he couldn't sleep. Unruffled, she was already preparing the not-the-end-of-the-world talk in her mind.
Of course, most of what he was playing was primitive, repetitive stuff. At the moment he was noodling with automatic rhythms and chords, picking out a repeating keyboard riff over the auto-chord.
Then she saw it in the viewport behind the kid's head- a bright, shining object obviously traveling at warp speeds, just overtaking the Enterprise.
The El Aurian had good ears, as did all of her race, but her eyes were just as sharp. She could make out the wings. She could see the four hooves clamped around what looked for all the world like an immense Pop-Tart. She could see the grumpy, embarrassed expression on the creature's face. And anyone could see the rainbow trail stretching into infinity behind it, waving up and down slightly in rhythm to the creature's warp pulse.
And all of that, combined with the student's half-asleep practice melody, gave her one of the biggest laughs she'd had in the previous century.
61.3 (Gym Quirk)
MLP Loop Trek: Arena
"One of these loops, I should get the hint from Twilight and learn not to tempt fate," muttered Captain Rainbow T. Dash as she trudged along the ridgeline. " 'Lizard can't fly. He isn't much of a threat,' I said. Photosynthesizing Metrons..." she continued, utterly indifferent to the biochemical errors in her rant.
It had been a completely by-the-script run to Cestus III, if one allowed for the foreknowledge of the surprise attack to avoid the baseline crew casualties. She and Twilight were going to have to massage the ship's records into something that Starfleet would swallow, but there were more than enough tech-savvy Loopers in the crew to pull that off without much strain.
Twilight had proposed an experiment in subtlety: Try to emulate the supposed pattern used by the legendary Trek Anchors -- Speculation they'd heard from the more senior Loopers tended to center on Spock as the most logical ([Insert obligatory drum sting here]) candidate for the 23rd Century with Kirk as a distant second -- and navigate the loop with a minimum of detectable disruption. To make it somewhat more palatable to the more impatient Loopers, it was presented as an extended prank to be played on Starfleet Command.
As a minor bonus, Dr. Applejack and Nurse Fluttershy had Awakened in sickbay a short time after Discord's departure. Security Chief Diamond Tiara had also reported for duty the same day, to the delight of the junior bridge officers. Dash and Twilight had both been pleased about including her in the Cestus landing party and returning her safe and sound to the ship, despite her grumbling about being their "designated redshirt".
Unfortunately, attempts to communicate with the Gorn were unsuccessful as expected, and her decision to follow their ship, even if broadcasting continuous requests for friendly negotiation, still drew the attention of the meddling Metrons. Did the allegedly morally superior beings believe that periodic broadcasts of "Hello? We just want to talk about why you attacked one of our colonies." amounted to aggressive acts?
She paused to examine the terrain. Both Rarity and Spike'd appreciate that diamond deposit over there. Unfortunately, I don't have anything to carry them with, she lamented. Somehow, the Metrons had not only blocked access to her subspace pocket, but removed her wings in a very Discord-like manner. Now physically outmatched by her opponent, she had employed the better part of valor and ran off to get some distance between them so she would have time to consider her options.
She was sorely tempted summon her Element of Loyalty and Ascend to regain access to her full range of abilities, but fudging reports to Starfleet when your crew was either in on the plan or generally unaware of what was going on was one thing. Trying to pull such a blatant power increase on one of the several quasi-omnipotent races in the galaxy was another thing entirely.
Sighing, Rainbow looked down into the valley with her unimpaired pegasus vision and blinked. Um...Hadn't the Gorn been greenish in color when they first met? What the shrub?
---
"Sorry, Twilight, but I finished all the field upgrades I kin do without a starbase's facilities three days ago," reported Apple Bloom from Engineering via intercom. "There's no way I kin figger to break us loose without resorting to something 'exotic'. I do have a few extreme ideas that might work, but..." she trailed off.
Twilight grunted acknowledgement from the Captain's chair. She was extremely reluctant to abandon her experiment so soon, especially without checking with Dash first. "We'll stick with our nominal abilities for now. Anything more from the Metrons, Sweetie?"
"Still nothing."
"And the Gorn ship?"
"Just as stuck as we are from all appearances," replied Nyx from the Science station. With Twilight in command, she had taken up the backup Science Officer role. Diamond Tiara was filling in at Navigation, not that the Enterprise was going anywhere.
"Chlorophyll. And they haven't gotten to the point where they decide to let us watch yet. Okay. I'm opening the floor to suggestions. Anypony?"
Thoughtful silence descended. "Without 'getting exotic' as Bloom puts it, we're just as helpless as the baseline crew," sighed Scootaloo.
The turbolift doors opened to admit Applejack. "Fluttershy's got sickbay in order, so I figured I might as well head up here and share the boredom with y'all. That's how it's supposed to work, right?"
"This is hardly the first time you've been on the bridge since you Awoke, Applejack," Twilight pointed out.
"Yeah, but this is the first time during an actual 'Episode'." Her forehooves making the quotes gesture. "Thought I'd keep up the tradition and all."
Before Twilight could come up with a suitable response beyond raising an eyebrow, the unmoving starfield on the main screen changed to a more interesting view.
As far as the what-the-root-is-going-on-in-this-loop? department goes, this ups the weird levels by at least 20 percent, thought Rainbow Dash as she started trotting back toward her supposed opponent. Along the way, she paused to snag a few diamonds and some lumps of coal from the seam she'd spotted earlier and stored them in the bamboo tube she all-but-stumbled over, dangling the bundle from her teeth in some foul-tasting vines. Dunno how I'm gonna get the sulfur or saltpeter without better tools, she mused. She wasn't quite sure why she was bothering to collect the bamboo cannon ingredients, but she'd done enough game-based Loops to know that you collected all potentially useful items as prep for facing the Boss.
She emerged from behind the low scrub to look at the Gorn. The new Gorn.
When they had been teleported to the valley, the Gorn was the traditional deep green human-sized biped-in-rubber-lizard-suit she'd been expecting.
Now it was a medium-dark gray with lighter gray ridges on...her?...head. She was also about the size that Spike usually took if he wanted to be older-but-not-overly-frightening-to-ponies.
"Miss Dash? Is that you?" asked a befuddled Silver Spoon.
"Well, that's a new one for the Species-That-Silver-Has-Looped-Into list," remarked Sweetie.
"Quick. Has Silver mentioned to any of you if she's had any experience in any Trek-like loop?" Twilight asked her junior officers.
"Not that I can recall," responded Diamond Tiara. The others shook their heads in negation.
"Y'all ever encountered a loop where someone Awoke so late after the start, Twilight?" asked Applejack.
"Does 1000 years after Celestia teleported most of Equestria's surface features to the Moon to prank Luna count?" replied Twilight absently as she pulled out the PADD that held her copy of the Hub Loop's Trek Concordances. As she started entering search terms, spoken words faded into audibility.
"...Fine, fine. I'll concede the external interference and give you the mulligan," said a disturbingly familiar voice.
"Thank you. And since this round no longer counts, would you object if I choose to modify the scenario as it is now to be a closer match to our initial conditions?" asked a nearly identical voice.
Rainbow was completely unsurprised as Discord flashed into existence. The vaguely familiar human figure that appeared next to him, on the other hoof, was unexpected.
"That depends on exactly what those modifications are," the draconequus was saying.
"Hardly anything significant, just making an allowance for the new entry. Oh, and jiggering the Metrons and the local Gorns so that this particular sequence never happened," explained Q. "I'll even throw in a peaceful resolution to the Cestus Colony crisis."
"Why?"
"For the bonus points, of course. Since locking down your pegasus no longer counts for my score..."
"Excuse me?" cut in Rainbow. "You're the one who took away my wings?" Her temper started to burn as she took a step toward the human.
"Actually, that was me," admitted Discord. He snapped his tail-hand to restore the appendages. "They would have been returned as soon as you finished up here anyway," he added sulkily. "Besides, you yourself admitted you were tempting fate when you made that 'can't fly' remark. How could I resist?"
"But you have no objection to my terms?" asked Q. After Discord indicated acceptance, Q snapped his fingers and all present were relocated to the bridge.
---
After Applejack and Security Chief Tiara escorted the increasingly bewildered Silver Spoon to sickbay -- The erstwhile Gorn had been transformed into a very Spike-like gray dragoness upon her appearance on the bridge -- it didn't take long for Twilight's curiosity and exasperation to come to a head.
"Would either of you care to explain exactly what the fern is going on?"
"She seems to be taking this more calmly that you suggested she would," observed Q.
Ignoring his counterpart for the moment, Discord addressed Twilight and Rainbow. "My associate and I have a rather complex and prolonged wager going about how you lot will fare this loop. The terms and conditions are quite intricate and even a tad convoluted and not really any of your concern. All you need to know is that neither of us will interfere with the scenario unless we both agree that an external event arises that changes the underlying structure of your adventure."
"No interference? What do you call removing my wings?" asked Rainbow hotly.
"Petty revenge for so rudely pointing out my minor oversight when we started. It's not as if it was a permanent disability; I know just as well as you do how simple it would have been for you to get around that minor inconvenience," explained Discord.
"It also earned me ten bonus points toward my score on the bet," added Q.
"So by 'no interference', you actually mean 'with the odd curve ball thrown in if it amuses you'," stated Twilight flatly.
Discord shrugged. "Po-tay-to...Po-tah-to..."
"Um...So Q is looping?" asked Scootaloo.
"No. But I am...I believe the term is 'Loop Aware'. And to forestall one of your more obvious questions, I will neither confirm, nor deny any knowledge or suspicions about any entity or entities that would be in the role of Loop Anchor."
"He won't tell me even if I win the bet," groused Discord.
"...According to Starfleet, the Gorn ship entered Cestus III orbit and lodged a formal claim on the planet and demanded that our people depart within 64 local day cycles. That works out to about 58 standard days. Unfortunately, there won't be sufficient lift capacity in the area for at least 75 days. Our orders are to begin preliminary negotiations with the minimum goal of buying enough time to gather the requisite shipping, and ideally permitting us to stay on the planet as some sort of joint colonization effort," said Twilight, completing her briefing. "At least it beats having the colony wiped out," she added.
The looping crew were in the conference room discussing the change in mission. Twilight had established a subtle privacy field around the room as per her usual habit.
"Right. As Captain, I'm supposed to lead the negotiations, but I'll probably have Sweetie and Silver handle most of the actual discussions, since they're best suited to the job."
Lt. (j.g.) Silver Spoon, deputy team leader for the exo-chemistry lab and token draconic crew member smiled weakly. "I suppose my loop memories as a Gorn captain might be useful at that."
"Don't worry about having to handle any science lab work for now. I'm reassigning you to Communications for the duration of these negotiations as a cultural consultant. You can brush up on the chemistry in your free time," said Dash with a mildly evil grin.
Sweetie took Silver aside and murmured in her ear. Silver's expression fell as the Communications officer explained why the dragoness' free time was about to vanish for the next few weeks. "Would it help if I mentioned I'd picked up a Masters in Materials Science about five loops ago?" She pulled several scrolls from her subspace pocket and passed one to Twilight after verifying its contents.
"University of Vorbarr Sultana?" mused the unicorn. "Don't know it off-hoof, but the name seems vaguely familiar. I'll let you go through the certification exams off the books to make sure you're up to speed, but you'll probably want to go over the details of the many types of phlebotinum this loop has first."
"I think that takes care of immediate business. Anypony have anything about what happens after we finish at Cestus?" asked Rainbow.
"Just the unease about why Q and Discord said we wouldn't haveta deal with that Lazarus feller," said Applejack.
"Discord said that he hated that episode, and he even Pinkie Promised that he'd forfeit points to avoid having to watch any of it," explained Fluttershy.
Twilight was looking at her PADD yet again. "Assuming we can trust those two to keep their word, it looks like time travel to Equestria of 300 years ago may be up next..."
61.4 (Klattmose)
Rarity Awoke with a yawn and mild confusion. Normally she would already be busy setting up the decorations for the Summer Sun Celebration (half a second before pricking herself with a needle), but this time she wasn’t even out of bed. She started searching for her Loop memories when –
“RaRiTy! I tHiNk SoMeThInG iS wRoNg WiTh My VoIcE!”
The metallic voice scattered Rarity’s thoughts as Sweetie Belle burst through her door.
“Sweetie Belle, what in Eq-” Rarity’s Loop memories hit, and she collapsed back into her bed.
Sweetie Belle’s eyes scanned Rarity’s figure. Unit(“Sister”) has experienced premature shutdown, commencing analysis.
Body temperature: normal
Pulse rate: normal
Blood pressure: normal
No foreign entities detected
No loss of structural integrity detected
Conclusion: Unit(“Sister”) has experienced a dramatic faint. Danger level: low.
Sweetie Belle shook her head. Where had that come from? The weird voice, instant medical diagnosis… clues started putting themselves together.
Conclusion: I require the location of Unit(“Apple Bloom”).
61.5 (OracleMask)
"Well, Zecora's told me that your chakra pathways have successfully stabilized," Twilight Sparkle said, "It should be safe to go ahead with the immersion therapy now."
Kakashi wasn't entirely sure what he was doing here. In fact, if it weren't for Naruto and Silver Spoon hemming him in on either side, the Jounin would've swapped himself with a log and headed back into the depths of the Everfree Forest minutes ago. Well, assuming the swap worked, because this pony body made jutsu very troublesome. Hand signs needed fingers. None of the ponies or Zecora would be able to address the problem, since it wasn't like any of them started out using fingers.
At least he'd been able to work on his taijutsu - Silver Spoon was actually a great help. She'd been taught to fight in the same loop she'd learned her alchemy powers, and her vast experience with relearning how to use all her skills when her body changed was invaluable.
Silver Spoon, Kakashi had decided, was certainly best Zebra.
Unfortunately, Silver Spoon didn't know any jutsu and so she couldn't help with that. Ah, well, the jutsu situation was something time and more experience would fix. Naruto had been...looping, as they all called it, for a long, long time. Clearly he was fine, so Kakashi would be fine too.
Instead of saying any of the things he was thinking, Kakashi did his favorite eye-smile (noting sourly that it really didn't work when he wasn't wearing his mask) and casually replied, "Ah, immersion therapy?"
"We'll start off small," Twilight Sparkle said, nodding and turning to a nearby tree, "Fluttershy, can you come out please?"
Kakashi looked over just as a pegasus tiptoed out from behind the tree. He had just enough time to marvel at how much the 'shy' part of her name suited her before a goat bleated somewhere and the whole universe went sideways.
And pink.
" -ashi? Kakashi!"
Kakashi came back to himself, belatedly realizing he was on the ground with several worried ponies standing over him.
"He's coming around, give him some air!"
"...What happened?" Kakashi asked.
Naruto, who had ignored Twilight Sparkle's instruction to get back, sighed heavily.
"You saw Fluttershy is what happened," Konoha's Number One Surprising Ninja said, "This happened before too, right after we first woke you up."
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" a voice that Kakashi was unfamiliar with cried from somewhere in the background.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Fluttershy dear," another new voice, this one much more prim and proper, answered. "Now hold still, this spell will change the color of your mane for a few days..."
"Fluttershy's mane," Naruto added quietly, "Is bright pink."
Just like Sakura's hair.
"...Immersion therapy, huh." muttered Kakashi.
61.6 (Kris Overstreet)
"... apple omelet, apple crepes, apple brioche, apple balaklava, torte aux pommes... and to wash it all down, your choice of sparkling apple wine, soft apple cider..." Rarity gestured to a pair of very small shot glasses filled with a murky liquid. "Or scumble, a beverage which I am assured by good authority is brewed from apples."
"Uh, mostly apples," Applejack added.
"Quite. Well, I shall leave you two to your simple farmer's repast. Bon appetit!"
Rarity departed in a blur, leaving Applejack and Trenderhoof to look at one another around the towering stacks of Sweet Apple Acres haute cuisine.
Applejack spared a glance to the barn on the other side of the yard, where she could just see Rarity peeking around the edge of the building.
By sweet-gum, she thought, I can hear the squee from here.
"This is really good!" Trenderhoof said. "And you eat like this every day on the farm?"
"Um... yeah, kind of."
Matchmaker Looping Rarity, Applejack grumbled silently to herself. I think I prefer the baseline version. Mud is cleaner than this.
61.7 (Angelform)
Rainbow Dash Awoke… in a cardboard box.
A suspiciously familiar cardboard box. A few moments of checking (body: filly, loop-memories: none) confirmed that this was, indeed, in one of those loops.
‘Why does this only ever happen to me? ‘Shy’s the one all the visiting loopers want to take home and adopt.’
The miniature pegasus levered herself up to look around. She could already feel the weight of the Childhood Curse pressing against her mind and knew that she only had a minute or two to Ascend (thus horribly breaking the loop and risking potentially worse torment) before she would be stuck getting raised by…
A tall figure loomed above her, black armour and cloak making it seem even more imposing.
Whhoooo-kaaaah.
‘…Meh, not the worst parent I’ve ever had.’
61.8 (Kris Overstreet)
UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS STARFLEET RECORDS
CAPTAIN'S LOG, U.S.S. ENTERPRISE
CPT. McINTOSH "BIG MAC" APPLE CMDG
The following is the complete and unabridged captain's log of the ship during the Enterprise's exploration missions from Earth year 2266 to 2269. The Records office wishes to state, with emphasis, that absolutely nothing has been edited, abridged or deleted in any way. This is how we got it. Anyone who needs to compile a report or research paper from this: all we can say is good luck, you'll need it.
ENTRIES IN ASCENDING ORDER OF STARDATE
(note: at the time of recording stardates were computed according to galactic location and speed of travel used, and thus cannot be regarded as a solid indicator of true chronological order. The log below was a major motivation for the reform of stardates that took place shortly thereafter.)
1313.8 - Penetrated barrier at edge of galaxy. Nothing on other side. Lost Lt. Cmdr. Luna, Dr. Celestia. I don't wanna talk about it.
1330.1 - It's amazing what some stallions will do to get a mare out here.
1513.8 - Visited M-113. Met salt monster. Salt Monster now auxiliary nurse. Request extra salt supplies.
1514.1 - I'm on a hot streak. Next stop: Federation World Series of Poker.
1535.8 - Found orphan. He caused a lot of trouble. Thank oak his folks finally picked him up.
1673.1 - I don't trust that transporter gadget anymore.
1704.4 - Wow, that Psi 2000 water packs a wallop.
1709.6 - Galactic Hide and Seek champion: Big Mac Apple. You don't wanna be second place.
2126.3 - Met God. His parents put him in time-out.
2534.0 - If this guy you sent to observe Ekos and Zeon is the best and brightest the Federation has to offer, we're ALL in deep trouble.
2712.4 - Next time we find androids, send a ship full of psychiatrists instead of us.
2715.2 - I was crazy, but I'm feeling much better now. Eyup.
2717.3 - Need 100,000 babysitters. Now.
2823.8 - Delivered pills to Makus III. Need new shuttlecraft. Also new security chief.
2825.3 - Performances of Hamlet now prohibited on board ship.
2950.1 - Beat the rap. Starfleet: invest in ship psychiatrist. Now.
3013.2 - Dropped off Commodore Pike. Sure am glad Starfleet uniform hats are optional.
3018.2 - Met gods. They turned out to be spiders. Now going to meet a couple of aspirin.
3025.8 - What happens in Omicron Delta, stays in Omicron Delta.
3046.2 - Met gods. They wanted me to kill a lizard. I don't cotton to that.
3088.7 - I'm just gonna pretend this week never happened. So should you.
3114.1 - I can see my great-great-great-granddaddy's house from here.
3134.0 - Time travel really, really sucks. Eyup.
3143.3 - I learned my lesson: let sleeping dogs lie. Even if they have been asleep two hundred years.
3158.7 - Met insane computer; pulled the plug. Don't send repair team.
3193.0 - Why can't aliens play Call of Duty like everyone else?
3196.1 - Deep dish pizzas that eat rocks can be your friends.
3201.7 - Met gods. Met Klingons. Now going to meet a couple of aspirin. Again.
3220.3 - Not gonna talk about it. Nope. I promised.
3259.2 - Met disembodied brains. They can't be all that smart- they're addicted to reality TV.
3289.8 - Flapjacks now prohibited aboard ship.
3372.7 - Saved my first officer from holy matrimony. He didn't seem to mind much, after he killed me.
3417.7 - Marijuana has nothing on what they grow on Omicron Ceti III.
3468.1 - Met God. He committed suicide.
3479.4 - Growing old sucks. Don't know how Granny does it.
3499.1 - Well! I had a kid named after me! Red-letter day! Oh, and we beat the Klingons, too.
3541.9 - Lesson learned: never beam insane computer aboard ship. Need replacement crewmen soon.
(dunno, maybe around 3600) - I wonder what I'd look like with a goatee and pencil mustache.
3615.4 - Met the devil; turns out he was Jack the Ripper.
3620.7 - Captain Ahab, eat your heart out; I bagged MY white whale.
3715.6 - Met God; turned out to be just an insane computer. Pulled the plug. Seems like a habit.
3843.4 - Met first officer's folks. His dad was kind of a jerk, but he turned out okay.
4041.7 - Found a planet where Rome didn't fall. They have reality TV. It's only a matter of time now.
4202.9 - Met universe's largest funnel cake; it tried to eat us. USS Constellation gave it indigestion, though.
4211.8 - Supplied 100 flintlock muskets to natives. NRA just sent me thank-you note. Enope.
4309.4 - Met new star-sized single-celled life form. Blew it up. That's the Starfleet way. Eyup.
4372.5 - Starfleet taxicab Enterprise dropped off Elaan as scheduled. Klingons took the tip.
4385.3 - Western movies are now prohibited aboard ship.
4513.3 - Lemme get this straight: you won't send me a ship's psychiatrist, but you WILL send me an android crewman? Enope!
4525.6 - If the guy you sent to run Sherman's Planet represents the best and brightest the Federation has to offer, we're all STILL in deep trouble.
4598.0 - Next stop: win my bracelet at Federation World Series of Fizzbin. Medical officer needs new phone.
4658.9 - New tactic for invincible omnipotent aliens: get 'em drunk. Works for me. Requisitioning replacement bottle of green booze. Any green booze will do.
4731.3 - Starfleet puts insane computer aboard my ship. I thought you people were on OUR side!
4770.3 - Never let energy beings ride around in your head. It never ends well.
(unknown, possibly 4780?) - Found USS Exeter. All aboard dead. Circumstances too stupid to talk about. Eyup.
(unknown, possibly 4785?) - Time travel sucks. And it's pointless. That Gary Seven guy should be on TV, though.
4843.6 - If anybody wants to play cowboys and Indians, I call dibs on Indians.
5027.3 - I look good in pointy ears.
5029.5 - Met God; he's a pedophile. Taught the kids about stranger danger, and he faded away. DEFINITELY sensing a trend here.
5121.5 - Morally superior advanced aliens? Nope. Not buyin' it. Poor girl.
5423.8 - Escaped from a whole planet of abstinence only sex-ed students. Send 20,000,000,000 cases of The Pill ASAP. Also 10,000,000 travel agents.
5432.3 - First officer's brain stolen, but he's much better now. Eyup.
5476.4 - Met insane computer. Fixed it. Bet you thought I couldn't do it.
5630.7 - What the big deal is with Medusans? They're not that ugly. I watched him leave and weeble sclurp sclurp ebba deeba deeba.
("Armageddon"? What? Unknown stardate, possibly 5650) - Met energy creature. Met Klingons. We and Klingons laughed energy creature to death. Must tell Pinkie.
5693.2 - Parallel universes suck. Tholians suck too. Eyup.
5710.9 - I don't cotton to shotgun marriages. Especially not in fast-forward. Nope.
5718.3 - Never meet your heroes. They go crazy and try to kill you.
5725.6 - Memory Alpha library wiped out. One survivor. I know who you could ask to put it to rights. Eyup.
5730.7 - Guess you can be highly advanced aliens and still be complete bigoted bloodthirsty idiots.
5784.3 - Took a pill. It gave me unicorn powers. Very cool, eyup. Bet I'll never, ever use this again.
(unknown, possibly 5790) - Met insane computer. Blew it up. Shame. She was a looker.
5819.3 - Just unionized the miners on Ardana. Schedule OSHA inspectors for follow-up mission.
5832.6 - Dr. Severin dead of acid indigestion. First time I've ever hated an apple.
5843.8 - Met Methuselah. Met his woman. She was an android. You can probably guess what happened next. Not proud of myself. Nope.
5906.5 - Rock aliens dragged us into their strawman Internet debate. Got to kill Ghengis Khan, so it wasn't a total waste of time.
5928.5 - Not gonna attend any Starfleet Academy class reunions. Nope. BTW, Starfleet? That rule about no women captains? It's stupid. Eyup.
5943.9 - Time travel still sucks, but supernovas blow.
61.9 (Kris Overstreet)
The cameras rolled.
It was a slightly chilly, foggy morning in a park on the western outskirts of the great metropolis of Trottingham.
"As you know, rush-hour traffic through the city is absolutely terrible," Jenny Applebloom said. "And so we of Crop Gear were wondering: is there a better way? And so the three of us are going to race from here to Wreathrow Airport, going through the very heart of the city."
Scooter Hammond stepped forward, wearing bike kit and helmet. "I will be riding this top-of-the-line racing bicycle."
"As you might expect, I'm doing this properly," Sweetie May continued, "in a car. However, because the producers hate me, instead of a sensible hot hatchback, I'll be doing it in this brand-new modestly priced people carrier." She pointed to the minivan parked at the curb.
"Well, look on the bright side, Sweetie," Scooter grinned, "you'll be nice and comfortable while you're stopped in traffic for four hours."
"And I," Applebloom said, "have a boat."
The other two turned in surprise to their leader. "A boat?" Scooter asked.
"A boat," Applebloom confirmed.
"Are you seriously proposing to row from here to Wreathrow?"
"Of course I won't, it's got an engine."
"Well, that's good," Scootaloo grinned. "I'm sure that'll be a great comfort to you as you sink."
"Of course," Applebloom said to change the subject, "we also have to test the efficiency, or the total lack thereof, of public transit, and for that we need a fourth mare. Some say that the global zoological community has declared her her own species, and that she has no concept of soup. All we know is... she's called the Spoon."
Two ponies wearing lab coats wheeled up a dolly, upon which lay a pony in full racing suit and helmet, visor completely opaque. One pony raised up the dolly while the other unlocked the straps which held her to it, freeing her. She stood perfectly still, immobile, unresponsive.
As the other three did a last bit of bickering for the cameras, the executive producer sent the make-ready signal for the first group of cameramen ahead along the race routes.
Between this stunt and the Horseshoe Bay amphibious car crossing, Diamond Wilman thought smugly, this is going to be the best. Series. Yet.
"We've destroyed Equestrian motoring, is what we've done."
61.10 (Detective Ethan Redfield)
"Silver, ya ben' lookin' at tha' mirror fer fifteen minutes," muttered Applebloom as she and Scootaloo fiddled with their pocketed Hyper Tornado they stored from the Sonicverse.
Silver turned to her fellow crusaders and gawked. None of them looked even remotely bothered at their current state. DT was reading War and Peace and Sweetie was playing with a copy of Harry's invisibility cloak.
She shouted, "Why aren't you trying to fix this?! None of you seem to care!"
DT lowered her book a touch, "Why are you so freaked out by this? I thought you liked being a unicorn that one loop."
Silver huffed, "For the first time since the loops began, I was a real Earth Pony. But it's like the loops are toying with me. And none of your are even remotely concerned at this."
Sweetie looked to Silver Spoon. "We're in some way human or otherwise non base form every twenty loops or so. It's not that uncommon. Besides, I'm sure Twilight is doing everything she can to fix this."
Gilda sighed as she stood next to an unawake Chrysalis, Flim, Flam, Trixie and Sombra. This loop, she had planned on going mostly baseline in preperation for a prank on an unawake Dash, the only element not awake this time. The loop seemed baseline, until Chrysalis dropped by and dragged her away from her nest in Ghastly Gorge and forcibly inducted her into the 'Elements of Disharmony.' Figuring it was better to keep the five pony evil band from causing trouble, she went along with it.
And now was her chance to escape. She withdrew a telescope from her subspace pocket and gazed on Ponyville. It was late at night and the streets were mostly deserted. But she managed to get a glance at a couple of wondering ponies. The sight that greeted her caused the gears in her head to jam up abruptly, "What the buck?"
Chrysalis asked, "Is there something the matter, Element of Disloyalty?"
And just as abruptly, those gears started moving again. She blinked several times and rubbed her eyes, then looked again. A few seconds later, she shrugged, "Just some weird pony...thing...happening. I'll go on ahead to scout the area. Be back in awhile."
The door to the library slammed open as Gilda entered. She opened her mouth to demand an answer, when the sight of five unicorn Twilight Sparkles and an Alicorn Twilight greeted her. One of those Twilights seemed a bit more...draconic in nature than the rest and was strapped to a variety of sciency things. Another Twilight seemed especially confused as she spoke in the voice of Rainbow Dash, "Gilda? What are you doing here?!"
Those poor gears in her head froze again, and then a couple snapped off. The original Twilight recognized the vacant expression and levitated a glob of water into the Griffon's face. Gilda blinked several times before sighing, "Where's Rarity's couch?"
The couch appeared behind her as she fell over. Twilight gave a sheepish grin, "Sorry, seems someone released a weird magic virus in Ponyville that turned everyone into unicorn versions of me."
Gilda rubbed her head as a headache was starting to form...only for several feathers to come away. If anything, Twilight seemed even more sheepish, "Yeah...it even affected Spike," gesturing to the Twilight strapped to the science equipment, "and Iron Will. Seems like you're now infected too."
Her smile turned pleased, "Good news is, it's not lethal. Unfortunately though, the cure we found requires a changeling's ability to shapeshift. And Chrysalis probably won't be so willing to help us."
Gilda rubbed her head as more feathers started to fall out, "That's easy. Chrysalis is plotting revenge with Sombra and several of your old enemies just outside Ponyville. Just drag her down here and she'll be able to help, willingly or not."
It was almost sad how easily Chrysalis' plan fell apart. Trixie was rescued by the original Twilight as she remote teleported Trixie into the Library and tied her up a few seconds later until the mind control could be broken. Pinkie tricked Sombra into an unbreakable jar and sealed the top on after him. Flim and Flam, upon seeing Trixie and Sombra taken out so quickly, tried fleeing before running headfirst into an invisible barrier set up by Applejack's unicorn form, knocking them out immediately. Dash and Gilda tackled Chrysalis and...'convinced' her to assist in their experiments.
A week later, everyone was back to normal and happy...well everyone but Chrysalis, "No, please anything but that!"
With a burst of purple magic, the deed was done. Chrysalis screamed, "Nooo!!! You monster! What did I ever do to deserve this!?"
Twilight rolled her eyes at the drama queen, now sporting a mustache. The changeling was still tied up, awaiting transport to Canterlot where Celestia and Luna would iron out a treaty for the changelings to live peacefully in Equestria, not that Chrysalis knew she was to be pardoned for her crimes in return for helping Twilight save the town. Rarity also took the opportunity to try out some lines she had been developing for changelings. And since Chrysalis hadn't been awake for several loops, she hadn't been able to get her assistance. Now though, she had captive audience.
Twilight used the last of this loop practicing some of her older spells on Chrysalis she hadn't used in awhile to keep up her skills.
Gilda, meanwhile, decided to sit the rest of this loop...and probably the next ten loops, in Big Mac's bar...or her bed/nest/whatever if he wasn't awake then.
As for Silver, she enjoyed the rest of the loop as an Earth Pony. Next loop though, she replaced Rainbow Dash.
61.11 (Wing Zero 032)
"...Team Seven will consist of Uchiha Sasuke..." The non-awake Chunnin Sensei Umino Iruka was rattling off the composition of Team Seven; apparently, Naruto was the only one awake so it would either be a lonely or a really boring loop, and a bored Naruto is a dangerous Naruto for everyone around.
"...Haruno Sakura..." Yep, the classic fangirl gloating of Sakura towards Ino was present as well...
"... And Uzumaki Naruto under Gin-" Just before Naruto could react at the sudden change from the baseline, a flashbanging puff of smoke burst in front of the chalkboard, revealing a young but well developed kunoichi who had silver hair in a braid, some rather large pastel blue-rimmed glasses that would be normally seen on a civilian librarian girl however these ones strangely enough accentuated her pink eyes very well, face covered by a black facemask that apparently was part of the full black single piece attire she was wearing. Said attire included pink arm bracers, leggings and a belt that carried the Konoha plate as if it were a buckle, and silver armor attached in strategical parts of the body, thus giving full-body protection without restricting her mobility, something vital for a ninja's work; A red, tattered and slightly charred scarf neatly warped around her neck and of course the Jonin jacket denoting her rank.
"Hi everyone! Team seven? Meet me on the rooftop this very instant. Sorry for the sudden appearance, Umino-san." And in the same way this kunoichi had come to the classroom, she was gone to wait for her newly assigned team, not even giving the startled teacher time to retort. Some couple of seconds later Naruto, together with Sasuke and Sakura, rushed to the rooftop of the academy, not even bothering to hear the rest of the team placements. Once they had managed to reach the rooftop, they found their new sensei reclined against the rail barriers, playing tricks with a silver spoon between her fingers.
"Oh, you're here! Hello, my name is Gin Hatake and before you ask, yes I am Kakashi Hatake's little sister and I will be your new Jonin Sensei due to the fact that he's on medical leave from the last mission. I was available, and even thought I've read your profiles, I would ask you to present yourselves with your likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams for the future so we can meet each-other a lot better." She presented herself to her new students with the signature "eye smile" of the family.
"Umm, could you give us an example Gin-sensei?" Of Course there's always Sakura to ask the obvious questions; that was kind of the norm when she was not awake.
"Sure, why not? Hello, my name is Gin Hatake; Likes? Spoons and their uses; Dislikes? Exessively emo teamates; Hobbies? Percussive therapy on said emos; Dreams... I dream about Little Ponies, of multiple colors." Well, not exactly a lie but now Naruto may have got the clue that she was an Equestrian Looper.
"W-what do you mean by that, sensei?" asked Sakura, torn between cluelessness at the weird introduction, awkwardness at the weird dream her sensei had described and a fangirl's fear for her object of affection considering how the new sensei was practically thinking up ways to beat the emo out of her beloved.
"Exactly what I said, or do I need to repeat myself?" Gin Hatake, AKA: Silver Spoon said with the most creepy smile that could be slightly be distinguished despite it being covered behind her face mask and the sun practically reflecting on her glasses while hiding her happy eye smiles. This creeped the stuff out of the two non-awake genin and best of all: It didn't require the use any killing-intent technique to work!
Yup, Naruto was now completely sure this will be an interesting loop.
61.12 (Masterweaver)
"Alright Raz, I have a great plan for this okay why are you a girl?"
Twilight flexed her fingers, examining the gloves she was wearing for a moment before turning to the young girl with a dry expression on her face. "Well, that's probably because I'm not Raz. Hold on, my loop memories haven't come in yet."
"Loop memories...? Oh, those." The girl shook her head. "Wait a minute, what do you mean you're not Raz?"
"I take it this is your first fused loop." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Well, the long and short of it--oh, there are the loop memories. Oh! Psychic. Do you mind if I just project the explanation into your mind?"
The girl crossed her arms. "I'd prefer to just take it from yours." After a moment, her eyes widened. "Wait, what the--?"
Twilight smiled slyly, taking a gentle hold of the mental probe. "Your world isn't the only one with psychics. Now let me direct you to the relevant memories." She guided the girl's third eye through the explanation of Yggdrassil and the loops, being sure to emphasize her position as Anchor, before letting her go.
"...okay. Wow. Well, uh... sorry about being rude and all." The girl shifted one of her feet. "It's just... Raz and I, we're kinda together."
"...aren't we, like, ten years old?"
The girl tapped her head. "Psychic receivers. We generally learn about things long before other kids. I'm Lilli by the way."
"Twilight Sparkle, but you already knew that. My in-loop name is Twinuviel, but it shortens to Twi." She shrugged. "Things just work that way. Anyway, apparently I ran away from home because I misinterpreted my mother's attempts to keep me away from the dangers of the psychic world as flat out hating psychics and decided to come to Whispering Rock."
"Yeah, that's Raz's story too. I mean, usually it's his father but, well, you're a girl so..." Lilli shrugged. "Anyway, Raz managed to become a psychonaut in one day during the baseline--I can't believe we didn't think of that term--but that's mostly because Oleander went temporarily insane and Raz managed to stop him from taking over the world. Nowadays we usually spend the night curing Oleander in advance and having Raz ace every exam he gets, as well as helping out the inmates in the asylum across the lake and dealing with doctor Loboto."
"...sounds interesting."
"Eh, it's the most stable part of the loop. The next ten years or so we go on various psychonaut adventures, but that can vary wildly. I don't know why..."
Applejack gently rocked the wide-eyed young colt back and forth. "Thar thar now. It'll be okay. Ah promise."
"I'm really really sorry," Pinkie added, ears drooping. "I really am. If I'd known you would have tried to get into my mind, I'd have fixed things up!"
"I know you're sorry," Brainspinner said distantly. "That just makes it worse....
61.13 (Crisis)
"Without farm life, there'd be such disparity, these thoughts I think with great clarity. Apples high to the sky, she's the one of my eye, that fruit-hauling pony named... Applejack!"
Applejack rolled her eyes with a smile. "Thanks, hon, but Ah prefer dragons."
Trenderhoof turned to meet the unfriendly gaze of a teenage Spike and gulped nervously.
Rarity twitched involuntarily. She still wasn't entirely sure how Applejack had managed to gain the attentions of an Unawake version of her husband.
"Without farm life, there'd be such disparity, these thoughts I think with great clarity. Apples high to the sky, they're the one of my eye, that fruit-hauling pony named... Macintosh!"
Applejack and Rarity blinked in joint astonishment. 'What.'
"Without farm life, there'd be such disparity, these thoughts I think with great clarity. Apples high to the sky, she's the one of my eye, that fruit-hauling pony named... Applejack!"
Applejack rolled her eyes with a smile. "Thanks, hon, but Ah prefer mares."
Rarity hadn't yet finished processing that statement when Applejack grabbed her for a passionate kiss.
"Applejack!" Rarity extricated herself, scandalized. She saw the teasing look in the farm pony's eye and realized that this was probably retribution for some prank or other. 'Well, challenge accepted.'
Trenderhoof was completely out of it since the kiss and missed the subtle byplay.
61.14 (Masterweaver)
"Without farm life, there'd be such disparity, these thoughts I think with great clarity. Apples high to the sky, she's the one of my eye, that fruit-hauling pony named... Applejack!"
Applejack rolled her eyes with a smile. "Thanks, hon, but Ah prefer changelings."
"Oh, well, that's no problem at all!" Trenderhoof replied, dropping his disguise.
Rarity's jaw divebombed into the ground. ".....what."
"...ya know," Applejack mused, "this explains a lot."
"Without farm life, there'd be such disparity, these thoughts I think with great clarity. Apples high to the sky, she's the one of my eye, that fruit-hauling pony named... Applejack!"
Applejack rolled her eyes with a smile. "Thanks, hon, but Ah prefer gender benders." She wrapped a hoof around a passing pony.
"I hate you so much right now," Rapid Hooves said cheerily.
"Half off all apples and apple products next time ya visit."
"Deal."
"Without farm life, there'd be such disparity, these thoughts I think with great clarity. Apples high to the sky, she's the one of my eye, that fruit-hauling pony named... Applejack!"
Applejack rolled her eyes with a smile. "Thanks, hon, but Ah prefer time-traveling cyborgs from tha future."
"...I'm sorry, what?"
Lightning and wind kicked up around them, and suddenly Twilight Sparkle was there, half her head encased in metal. "Quick, my past pony friends! I must find the mystic records of, uh, LUNOPOLIS!"
"Let's be off then!" Rarity replied, and the three of them galloped away, leaving Trenderhoof completely befuddled.
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It's buckmothering Nyan Dash, betch.
(Sorry comment so short, but reading on tablet. Love this fic so much. Thanks to you and all the other authors for entertaining the rest of us so highly. We greatly appreciate it.)
61.10 is a riff on "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome"; it's probably worth crediting that in the author's note.
*squee*
My Little Darthie?
Please give us more of that loop...
3955226 I know the feel, Trevel. I'm on a phone, which frequently double posts for me.
61.5: Slow and steady. (Pinkie is trying to work out how to change her entire colour scheme.)
Well, looks like she'll just have to Surprise herself.
61.8 (logs from a disgruntled star-fleet captain)
Captain Mac had me in stitches.
The last two broke those stitches.
I loved Dash getting adopted by Vader, as well as the Star Trek and Trenderhoof trolling loops!
61.7: Darth Vader is not the worst MLD parent Dash has had?! I shudder to think who would be...!
61.8 I am very impressed. Good work.
61.9 Still better than US Top Gear.
I thought 61.5 was going to be the best loop outside of the Nyan Dash reference but. . .
Silver Spoon replacing Kakashi as Team Seven's leader?
Yeah- that was like a brick joke hitting the sound barrier,
61.2…
…
I did NOT see that one coming…
And the fact that Discord and Q exist as separate entities is somewhat terrifying.
Not nearly as terrifying as Pinkie, though.
Yeah, the Naruto verse is crazy, can we get One Piece instead?
61.4 A 'Sweetie Bot' loop, huh? Interesting…
Dreams... I dream about Little Ponies, of multiple colors.
That was utterly priceless!
Does anyone at all have a precise fan art picture of 61.2? I really need to see that in my life.
6737116 i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/117/679/poptart_dash___nyan_dash_by_nme_nrg-d3end6r.gif
61.12 Psychonauts is one of the funniest, goofiest games I've played in several years. I have it on my ps3 since I
no longer have a copy for the ps2no longer have the copy I had for the Xbox.I've always been disappointed that there wasn't any more games made after the end.
here's a really shocking take-off of Sweetie-bot:
61.2 (Kris Overstreet)
This was a work of GENIUS! The setup was so perfect, so subtle, and the joke you expected wasn't the one delivered...just flipping gorgeous!
61.12
Reading through the Loops yet again, only now does it actually stand out to me how strong Raz's will and sense of self are, to only be traumatized by doing a mental dive on the Pink Horror.
Rainbow started this
61.7... Is that a reference to the ‘My little Dashie’ video?
i think i remember that in another loop, Picard referred to the information purge as the "whiskey tango foxtrot protocol".
At least he's not a vegetable like Snape.
8022572
I'd like it if I saw an SFM about Enemy Undefined.
I can only imagine a fight scene set to that song.
10561565
Hey guess what there’s three under princewhatever on youtube