• Published 19th Apr 2013
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MLP Time Loops - Saphroneth



Twilight Sparkle has been here before. In fact, she's been here so often she's thoroughly bored. Time Loop stories for Equestria.

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MLP Loops 96

96.1 (Kalimaru)

With a flash as her powers came back under control, Twilight looked around the room she found herself in. She was standing in front of a chalkboard, there was a hole in the roof, and various plants around the room were turning back into ponies. Walking over to an infantile Spike, Twilight tapped her chin. 'The application exam room? Then that means...'

Stepping into the room, Celestia walked over and examined Twilight. Leaning in close, Celestia put on a smile. "Are you Awake, little one?"

Nodding, Twilight turned from Spike and walked over to her parents with Celestia next to her, whispering in Twilight's ear. "Good, because it seems your family is a few years behind this Loop, and Nightmare Moon's coming back within the next year." Standing tall, Celestia turned to Twilight's parents. "Would it be alright with you two if I were to take Twilight as my personal pupil? She has shown much potential, and I believe I can help her." Twilight's parents, recently potted plants, looked to their daughter. Seeing their hesitation, Twilight put on the puppy dog eyes.

"Pwease?"

The results were immediate. Both of Twilight's parents visibly slackened and nodded. In the background, the panel of judges all gripped for their hearts and dropped like flies. Medic ponies had to come in and drag them out. As the door shut behind the comatose committee and their copious caretakers, Celestia turned to Twilight. "Of course, that means you'll be accompanying me to Ponyville, come the Summer Sun Celebration this year." Looking over her shoulder, Celestia levitated Spike over. "We'll be bringing our young friend along, of course." Placing Spike next to Twilight, Celestia watched as the dragonling hugged Twilight. Then she and both of Twilight's parents dropped.


Several months later, Celestia's personal chariot touched down outside of the town. Hopping down from it, Twilight had Spike on her back. She turned as Celestia began talking to her. "I'm sure I can leave the preparations to you, Twilight?"

"Yes, Pwincess."

"Hnnng!" Celestia promptly fell from the chariot in a rather undignified mess. Gaining her hoofing again, she waved the chariot stallions back to Canterlot for more insulin shots. "Good! Very good. I'll, um, I'll go tell the mayor I'm here then. Right." Flapping her wings, Celestia took off for the town center. Out of habit, she looked back.

Sitting there, waving a small hoof and smiling, was Twilight. Next to her, Spike was sucking his thumb and waving his free claw in an attempt to imitate her.

Celestia promptly fell from the sky.


"Hewwo!"

Pinkie gasped before belting for the doctor's office. "No, I don't need it for me. I'm just telling you to keep a whole barrel of the stuff for everypony else!"


"Hey there, little filly."

"Hewwo, Appojack!"

"Hnnng!" And the whole of the Apple family reunion was halted for a trip to the doctor's office.


"Hewwo, Wainbow Dash!"

Nopony would say that Rainbow Dash aimed for that mud to avoid that filly. None were still standing when it happened.


"Hewwo, Waiwity!"

"Oh my goodness! I must get you something to wear!"


"Hewwo, Fwuttashy! Wook at this dwess Waiwity gave me!"

The butter pegasus turned, gave Twilght the once over, saw the matching outfit Spike was wearing, and squinted menacingly at the little filly. "You win this round, Sparkle. Hurk!"


By the time Nightmare Moon took the stage, the town was comatose save three beings. Looking down on them, Nightmare Moon grimaced. "So this was my sister's plan? A mare, a filly, and a dragonling? Foalish!" Dropping down to the ground, the lunar diarch snorted and gave them each closer inspection. Finding nothing remarkable about the mare, Nightmare Moon disregarded her and turned to the youngsters.

The filly was wearing a loose, light blue shirt and yellow rubber hat. Both were too big for the tiny filly, the shirt becoming a dress and the hat only stopped from engulfing the filly's head thanks to her small horn. The dragonling wore a matching ensemble, but his hat was small enough to fit properly. Then the two of them raised their arms/forehooves.

"Woona!"

The Nightmare, an undefinable creature of hate and woe, died that day. It found its heart and promptly died from said heart exploding. And so, it left Woona and became no more. Sitting up and looking at the giggling filly and dragonling that were crawling over to her, Woona laughed and joined in the baby-babbling.

Standing off to the side, Pinkie tapped a hoof against her chest. "I am so glad my blood got replaced by insulin instead of syrup this Loop."


96.2 (Masterofgames)


Twilight finished off her victory drink. "Okay, new round! What's the weirdest song you've ever turned into a heartsong?"

Sweetie grinned. "You Are A Pirate."

Vinyl smirked. "I can beat that. Chicken Dance!"

Apple Bloom leaned back in her chair looking smug. "Kid's stuff. Let's see you top I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas."

"One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater." Spike chuckled.

"Ouch, I concede." Apple Bloom relented.

Berry shrugged. "Beer."

Celestia smiled sadly. "I don't use them often, so it's not really weird, but... I once did Love You For A Thousand Years."

Many 'Aww's were had as Luna blushed.

Ditzy bounced in her seat. "I did one in a Who loop! I was trying to get The Doctor and The Master to be friends again, and used I Hear Your Heart Beat To The Beat Of The Drums."

"Did it work?"

"Sorta. I got The Master to start a band, and he mellowed out a bit, so I'm calling it a net gain."

"Drums?"

"Lead singer actually."

Shining thought for a moment as they got back on track. "Surfing Bird."

Fluttershy sighed. "Oh dear. I was going to say Rock Lobster, but that has me beat."

"I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today."

Everyone slowly turned to look at Scootaloo.

"... What?"


96.3 (Masterweaver)

"Derpy, why are you flying backwards?"

"You know what they say, Twilight, Hindsight is twenty-twenty!"

"...I'd forgotten about that particular talent of yours..."


96.4 (Masterweaver)

"Princess, I... I have a question." Twilight slunk into the bedroom. "Actually it's more of an ethical dilemma..."

Celestia smiled down at her faithful student, keeping her inward cursing to a minimum. "Twilight, you know I would love to take time discussing things with you, but--"

"Luna's not Nightmare Moon anymore, and also I'm in a time loop."

The royal diarch and raiser of the sun froze. "A.... time loop."

Twilight flinched. "Sorry, you need context for this... Okay, a while back the multiverse was broken, and the people in charge put Equestria--and a whole bunch of other worlds--into time loops to fix it. Are you with me so far?"

"...I... suppose..." Celestia was mentally rearranging her plans as rapidly as she could. "I take it you know about the Elements of Harmony then?"

"Yes actually." With a flash, a tiara appeared on Twilight's head. "Us bearers can summon ours at will... I'm not overwhelming you am I?" she added quickly.

"Not too much, as of yet."

"That's good.... anyway. So the people in charge of repairing the multiverse... see, our loop used to last about five years. Recently – let's just call it recently – they managed to fix something up and... well, every once and a while we get a new week before the loop ends." She took a deep breath and let it out. "And this last expansion... Tirek escaped."

Celestia blinked. "You know about – no, of course you know about Tirek." Once more her mind set to reorganizing her plans. "I assume this dilemma of yours has to do with that?"

"Yes. He went on a rampage and... personally, well, he took my friend's magic. My magic. Blew up my library too... We beat him in the end, of course, and I can take steps to stop him escaping."

Ah. "But... part of you wants vengeance."

"Yes!" Twilight shouted. "That's it exactly! Except he's not the big strong Tirek I fought now. I mean, I could just step aside and let him become that monster before knocking him off his pedestal--or letting one of the other loopers do it! There are fillies in these loops that could take him one two! But, but to do that I'd have to let nonlooping equestrians suffer, and...." She sighed, lowering her head. "Is it wrong, princess, to want vengeance? Even if I deny that urge... is it wrong to want?"

"...Twilight. If I understand this situation correctly... you are far older than I am. In all the ways that really matter. And you're not alone in these loops, so why haven't you talked to your companions about this?"

"I have. It's just... they're all friends," Twilight said softly. "Even my Celestia is a friend. And as much as I love them all.. I think I need a mentor more right now."

Celestia sighed. "I see. Well..." She considered her words carefully. "Vengeance is often rooted in anger, an eye for an eye. Vengeance rooted in hate, of course, you must avoid, but anger.... Anger makes one a lightning bolt, speeding you up and giving you power, but blindingly bright and hard to direct. To want is not wrong, but to let want consume you... it sounds very much as though you fear your anger will turn you into a monster."

"...a little bit, yeah." Twilight shrugged. "I guess.... I guess I just needed to vent, is all. A lot. I mean... in the baseline, even Discord is reformed. Tirek... I don't know. Anyway, listen, Luna's Awake this loop, so just... be ready for things to go off script, okay?"

"I will. Thank you for the heads up, and Twilight?" Celestia smiled. "I know, no matter what else, you are a good pony. I know this because you have the courage to do what you think is right and the humility to ask what is right."

"...thanks."


96.5 (Hubris Plus)

"...What you call friendship, I call chains," Tirek rasped to the draconequus. "You have been tamed, Discord."

"Oh, Tirek, you old whatsit, I do see where you're coming from," the Awake master of chaos replied. "But you've made one little itty bitty error in judgement." He held his talons so close together that the gap between could only be perceived through the magnifying glass he'd conjured into his claw.

"If you speak of actually liking them, you will only confirm that you are bound," the demonic centaur dismissed.

"Oh, I do, but that's not why you're wrong. Your mistake is thinking that they have corrupted me. I assure you, it's quite the opposite."

"These enfeebled equines are your idea of chaotic?" Tirek snorted, waving a hand to encompass the town in a gesture. "You have been tamed."

"The average pony will always be boring as mud next to the exceptional ones," Discord stated, pulling down a chart displaying a standard bell curve in demonstration. "It's why they're average. Wait," he blinked and glared at the graph. "When did I learn statistics?! I hate knowing the odds!"

"Do you see?" The centaur cackled, "without even realizing, you-"

"Hmph, Twilight's influence no doubt," the draconequus interrupted, briefly turning the other's words into a speech balloon so he could literally trample over them. "But we're straying from the topic at hand. Did you know that Celestia once banished the entirety of Equestria to the Moon so that she could take time off to do some surfing? Or that Luna has occasionally turned the Moon into a spaceship and taken it on joyrides? And that's positively tame next to what Tia's student gets up to, to say nothing of the sheer variety of tree sap related mayhem I've been privy to."

"Your point being?" Tirek asked, his good mood fading as the speech went on.

"I'm freer than I've ever been, and all the better for it because I have friends who, despite their protestations, are just as crazy as I am!" He twirled a talon next to his ear, which got caught on the end and caused his whole head to twist about. "You really don't have anything to offer me." He tapped his chin thoughtfully, "well, that's a lie, but Twilight's still sore about the library getting destroyed so I'm going to be considerate and put off anything involving you for a few Loops."

"Enough of this prattle," he opened his maw wide and attempted draw in magic.

"Agreed," Discord answered, shoving a spoon of cod liver oil into the villain's mouth. "But, as I am not so heartless or dull as your previous jailors, you can be assured that your new cell will be a significant improvement."

Tirek, still gagging, vanished between one moment and the next.


"CRYSTALS?"

"For the last time!" The ancient scourge proclaimed, "unless granulated silicate counts, there are no damnable crystals here!"


"Really?" Twilight asked, watching the two unrepentant monsters bicker through a scrying mirror. Tirek had given up on trying to consume Sombra and settled on throwing coconuts at him.

"Unless you can find me new episodes of Gilligan's Island," Discord answered, shoveling a clawful of popcorn into his mouth. "This is going to keep happening."


96.6 (Misterq)

Spike pulled the book lever that controlled the hidden passage and then stopped. The book on the pedestal was far different than it was in baseline.

Instead of being formed from two stone tablets, the cover was a contorted face. Also, there were ephemeral whispers emanating from it that sounded something like, "klaatu, barada,.."

"Nope!" Spike said as he backed away and closed the secret passage shut, "Not this loop."

And just for good measure, the little dragon used his fire breath to fuse the stones together so that no pony would try to get at that particular tome.

Spike snorted in annoyance at one particular loop memory, "Last thing Equestria needs is Pinkie Pie and Trixie fighting over the Necronomicon again. Even if my dragon-fire chainsaw gauntlet was pretty awesome."


96.7 (Kris Overstreet)

"Good boy, Cerberus," Twilight said, ending the belly rub on the guardian of Tartarus. "I'll be done here in just a few minutes."

Chained to the deepest pit in the tallest spire in the netherworld of Equestria, the wizened, powerless Tirek glared up at the alicorn princess. "Come to gloat, have you, pony?" he wheezed.

"No, actually," Twilight said, "I'm just here to take care of a little bit of unfinished business."

"Then do it and be gone," Tirek hissed. "I wish to be alone while I plot my vengeance."

"I'll try to make this quick." Twilight hovered, wings flapping just above where Tirek could stretch the chains to grasp at her. "I want to say, first off, that I deplore your situation. I firmly disapprove of corporal punishment in all its forms."

"Good to know," Tirek said. "I share no such weakness."

"I would therefore like you to think of this as a musical instrument." Twilight flared her magic and summoned a teacher's paddle slightly longer and taller than a London bus. "And you're going to assist me in performing a little song of my own composition."

Flames burst from Twilight's mane and tail, and her eyes glowed white as she shrieked, "It's called We Do Not Burn Down Libraries!!"

A few minutes later Twilight returned to the surface world, towing a giant paddle broken in half behind her. At the crack leading down into Tartarus sat Vinyl Scratch next to a large stack of recording equipment. "Hey, Princess, whassup?" the DJ asked. "Feel better now?"

"Well, half of me feels really ashamed of myself," Twilight admitted. "But the other half feels much, much better, yes, thank you. What did you think?"

"Eh, kind of disappointing," Vinyl shrugged. "Hate to say it, Sparkle, but you just haven't got any rhythm. Zero. Nada. On permanent backorder. Besides," she continued, ignoring Twilight's flushed expression, "he never cried for his mommy or any of that. But the OTHER guys! I got enough from them for every Nightmare Night for a thousand Loops!"

"So long as it wasn't a total loss," Twilight grumbled, resolving not to give in to base impulses next time.


96.8 (Kris Overstreet)

Anakin Skywalker Awoke, took a rasping breath through his respirator, and silently cursed his luck. Despite his best efforts, the Loops refused to dispense with the services of Darth Vader, Parbroiled Evil Behind a Mask.

The Jedi Looper took a moment to file through his Loop memories, which seemed true to baseline up until... well... moments ago. Vader's ship, the Star Destroyer Devastator, had pursued the Alderaanian embassy ship Tantive IV into hyperspace after the latter ship intercepted a signal from known Rebel agents. However, both ships had run into an uncharted gravitational anomaly, the sort of thing that usually ended with a ship never being heard from again. The ships had been dumped out into entirely uncharted space, with a life-bearing planet in the distance, and the ambassador's corvette opening up ground in a race for the planet.

Not far from the blue-white planet, a large object began moving towards the Rebel ship. "Look, they're heading for that space station," the Star Destroyer's captain said. "Pursue and intercept. Don't let them make rendezvous."

Vader reached out with the Force, and what he sensed both shocked and amused him. Barely able to keep the amusement out of his voice, he rumbled, "That's no space station. That's a moon."

Perhaps his luck wasn't as bad as he'd feared. He'd been hoping for a Loop like this for quite some time now...

"What's that, m'lord?" The captain looked through the bridge windows at the round object, growing larger by the moment. "It can't be a moon, it's clearly maneuvering for..." He trailed off into silence as the object began to rotate, revealing craters and shadows... shadows that formed the head of a unicorn with a downcast gaze.

And then the eye facing the Devastator opened, an angry red glow appearing in the black and white moonscape.

"Er... the... er... moon is accelerating towards us, Captain," a helm officer reported. "It's ignoring the Rebel ship. Perhaps we should take evasive action?"

"Yes..." the captain murmured. "Yes, I think you're right! Full reverse! All auxiliary power to the engines!"

The Star Destroyer rocked and shuddered for several seconds before the safety systems took the main reactors offline. Emergency lights switched on across the bridge.

"You can't win, Captain," Vader said. "But there are other ways of fighting. I recommend infiltration from within..."

A few minutes later, in a flash of un-light, an armored quadruped appeared on the Imperial ship's bridge. "Kneel, miserable creatures!" the lizard-eyed beast shouted. "I am Nightmare Moon, and you have dared to intrude into my domain!"

Vader relaxed and let the Force flow through him, probing around the newcomer. The Dark Side was strong with her; sadness and regret, but also immense bitterness, jealousy and rage. The creature was powerful; a non-Awake Vader would have had a roughly equal fight. Anakin Skywalker, on the other hand, with Loop experience and power, could probably take her out in moments.

But that wouldn't be amusing, or friendly. Besides, there was a question to ask.

"One moment," Vader rumbled, stepping forward.

"Are you the one in command of these wretches?" Nightmare Moon sneered. "'Tis well you hide behind a mask, if you are uglier than these bizarre creatures of yours!"

It was well he hid behind a mask, period. It was all Anakin could do to keep from cracking up. "I have but one question," he said, deepening his voice to keep it from breaking with laughter. "Are you Awake?"

"What sort of foolish question is this?" The evil alicorn strode towards Vader. "Do you think this is some sort of dream? Think again!"

Ah. Not Awake, then.

Anakin remembered the favorite phrase of a much different Emperor he'd served one Loop, in a vastly smaller small-e empire.

Let's see what happens.

The bridge crew of the Devastator watched in slack-jawed amazement as Vader bent his knee to the deck, bowing his head humbly. "What is thy bidding, my Mistress?"


Nightmare Moon, Twilight Sparkle, and the five stone Elements of Harmony vanished.

"TWILIGHT!" six voices shouted in surprise.

"We gotta go after her!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

"You have your own problems to worry about, ponies."

Six pairs of eyes looked to the shadows to see a tall bipedal figure in black armor and cape stride forward. A lightsaber ignited in his hands, illuminating his form in eerie red highlights.

If any of them could have pierced his mental shields to read his thoughts, they would have heard: How I love a dramatic entran- who's that?

Only five pairs of eyes belonged to ponies. The sixth belonged to a human woman clad in a slightly torn white dress. A loud hiss heralded the activation of her own lightsaber.

"Girls, go after your friend," Princess Leia Organa said. "I'll deal with this one."

Lightsabers clashed, and the ponies galloped off.

A few brisk swings and parries later, Anakin said, "I see you're wide-Awake, my daughter." He disengaged just in time for the startled Jedi to swing wide.

"Anak- Father??" Leia gasped. "If you're Awake, then why are you doing this? Your ship is poised over Equestria ready to rain destruction down on a single word from you!"

"A word which will not be given, of course," Anakin replied. "I put the fear of the Dark Side into the captain. He will accept orders only from me. So, the ponies are quite safe."

"You still-" swing, clash- "haven't explained-" swing, clash- "WHY!" swing, clash, grind of coalesced plasma beams.

"Why, to see what happens, of course." Anakin pushed Leia back a few steps, stepped backwards himself, and deactivated his lightsaber. "I've been looking forward to seeing Equestria for a long time. But Darth Vader cannot simply walk into Equestria."

"Oh," Leia muttered. "Oh. Ooooh." She smiled a small smile and added, "Have I ever mentioned you seem to have a habit of doing things the hard way?"

"You and Obi-Wan both," Anakin replied. "You briefly incapacitated me and ran to join your friends. Good enough?"

"Works for me," Leia said, reaching out with the Force and toppling the stand which had held the Elements towards Vader. He feigned a brief difficulty with it before levitating it back to its proper position, by which time Leia was on her way up the steps.

Darth Vader's boots struck sparks on the stone floor as he ran after her.


"So!" Nightmare Moon ground the fragments of the Elements of Harmony under her hoof. "Your pathetic attempt to harness the Elements has failed! So much for your pathetic rebellion!" She stepped aside to allow Vader to stand next to her. "Now you shall watch as Ponyville is blasted into oblivion!"

"I don't think so, Nightmare Moon!" Twilight Sparkle grinned. "Even as we speak Alliance and pony commandos have docked with your ship and taken over its bridge! There won't be any destruction today!"

Vader glanced over the ponies' heads. Leia shrugged. Sorry! Didn't know!

The visitors from a galaxy far, far away listened as Twilight named the various Elements represented by her friends, ending with her own identity as the Element of Magic. As each was named, the appropriate Element materialized on the appropriate pony, who rose into the air. Anakin, watching it all through the Force, was deeply impressed. The magic was interwoven with something like the best qualities of the grey-sider Force he'd seen around the Loops- leaning heavily towards the light. It reminded him very much of the baseline, of the moment when Darth Vader, given mercy and love by a long-lost son, had become Anakin Skywalker once more.

Then the rainbow beam connecting the ponies lashed out at both Nightmare Moon and himself, and he had just enough time to think that this also reminded him of the baseline, only he hoped it wouldn't hurt as much as Palpatine's lightning.


Anakin sat up. It hadn't hurt... exactly... but... it had been most peculiar indeed. The Dark Side had fled him like a thief in the night, and the Light had burned him with a total absence of pain.

His helmet and mask sat next to him. He took a deep breath; his lungs worked fine. He raised his hands, feeling the Force flow through living flesh and bone. He reached up and grabbed a long lock of hair- blonde, but mixed with some strands of gray.

"Well," he said quietly, "I've had much less pleasant reconstructive surgery than that!"

"Give your horrid sense of humor a rest, Father," Leia chuckled. "Don't you have something to tell Twilight?"

The purple pony in question was staring at the former Sith Lord with a cocked eyebrow and an expectant smirk.

"Um... er..." Anakin raised his left hand and parted his fingers two by two. "Live long and prosper?"

"Welcome to the Equestrian Loop, Anakin," Twilight replied. "Now do you mind doing something about the ship you have double-parked over Cloudsdale? This is meant to be a sanctuary Loop, after all."


96.9 (Masterweaver)

"Mommy, why are you hanging out with a random assortment of ponies and doing a bunch of weird things with them?"

Ditzy Do (this time) gave Dinky Doo a smile. "The multiverse is broken, dear, so me and those other ponies all got caught up in a time loop while things are fixed. We do the weird things because we're bored."

"Oh." The filly considered this for a long time. "You still love me, right?"

"Dinky Do, I will always love you, no matter what happens." Ditzy wrapped her youngest up in a hug. "Hey, why don't you come with me? We're planning a prank on princess Celestia."

"That sounds fun!"


96.10 (Masterweaver)

"...and so the magic harmonizes, creating large scale heartsongs." Lyra turned to the crowd of foals with a mischievous smirk. "Well, at least for Pinkie Pie!"

There was some scattered giggling at that.

"Now then, are there any questions?"

"Is it true miss Bonbon is pregnant?"

"I refuse to answer on the grounds she'd beat me up either way," the unicorn deadpanned, to more giggling. "Any questions related to the subject matter?"

"Can you do a heartsong right now?"

Lyra tapped her chin. "I cooooooould, but I won't."

"Aw, why not?"

"Cause it wouldn't be as special, silly filly!" The bell rang just then. "Plus I'm out of time anyway."

"Well then!" Cheerilee rose from her seat with a smile. "Everypony say thank you to miss Lyra for agreeing to be a guest lecturer."

"Thank you miss Lyra!"

"Hey! Miss Lyra was my grandmother!" Lyra grinned. "Now for your homework, I want you all to try to start some spontaneous heartsongs!"

A series of groans answered her.

"And the best way for you to do that is to go have fun!"

The groans turned into cheers, and the foals all ran out the door. Cheerilee shook her head and smiled. "You have quite the way with foals, Lyra."

"That's because I practically am one." The unicorn smirked. "Or don't you remember our spy adventures?"

"Oh I remember them, all right... Twilight was always getting us two out of jams. When she wasn't brainwashed." Cheerilee giggled. "Seriously, that happened every other week!"

"I think the bad guys cottoned onto her being our leader," Lyra mused, packing up her lyre. "They underestimated the raw awesome us two had though."

Cheerilee gave her a long look. "...How's the... mind window thing? Is it still a problem?"

"...A bit, yeah." Lyra shrugged. "I actually found out that it's... easier, in a way, for me to be around ponies. I get more windows, yeah, but I also get... well, more references in the now. If that makes any sense." She turned to the schoolteacher. "How about you? I heard that the loops and your talent..."

Cheerilee sighed. "I'm coping. Really! It's not as... listless as it was before. I've just got to remember that I took this job to help children grow, not pack them with knowledge." She waggled a hoof. "It's a balancing act, but... I'm coping. Berry's helping out too."

"...look at us," Lyra said quietly. "Dregs of the loops. Okay, let's make an oath right now: Whenever we're both awake, we'll.... do something together! Like this teaching thing, or just hit the clubs, maybe get boozed. Whatever. Sound good?"

"Sure thing, Lyra." Cheerilee nodded. "This was... fun, actually. I'd like to make it regular, but mismatched Awakenings and all..."


(DrTempo)

From the Journal of Sunset Shimmer:

Well, this is an interesting Loop. I'd found myself as a member of the Belmont clan. And wouldn't you know it, it was in time for Dracula to return, as he always does around here. Though, as far as I know, the only looper I've heard of, Alucard, is still in his slumber. So, I'd have to go it alone.

Though I did have the legendary whip of the Belmont clan, I'd remembered hearing that non-Belmonts who wield it at full power lose a bit of their life with every swing of the whip.

I'll stick to my Keyblade, thank you. Don't want to risk using the whip, in case it doesn't truly see me as a Belmont due to the nature of the Loops.


As I'd expected, the journey through Dracula's Castle was a tough one. Nearly died a few dozen times. When I finally got to the Throne Room, instead of Dracula, I met his reincarnation, Soma.

Soma, ever since his Awakening to the Loops, tended to Loop in the role of his past self. He was curious as to my strength, so we did indeed fight. Soma was very unpredictable, using every trick in his playbook, not sticking to his past self's usual formula. I went all-out as well. I barely won that fight; even a couple of Loops like this from Soma meant he had plenty more combat experience than I do.

Still, to beat such a foe...My skills have vastly improved since that fateful first Fused Loop of mine. The old me would be very arrogant at the power I wield, but I'm not her anymore.


In my travels, I'd heard of variants of Equestria that, well...were not good. If I ever enter one of those variants, I'll be prepared.

Hopefully, I'll get a Loop or two to relax in soon.


96.11 (Masterweaver)

"AAAAAAAAUGHRAAAAAAH!"

Trixie blinked. "Ah... what?"

Chrysalis winced. "I... may have brainwashed her in the baseline." She bit her lip. "Um... sorry, Lyra. I swear I don't do that anymore."

"RIGHT!" Lyra took a deep breath and relaxed her grip. "Er. Right. Trixie?"

"Yes?"

"Is she the one you suggested help me with my issues?"

Trixie nodded. "Hive mind and all that." She tilted her head. "Would you like to come down from the tree?"

"Nah, I'm good." Lyra waved a hoof casually. "Being where a pony can't reach me is convincing my instincts I'm safe."

Chrysalis buzzed her wings. "...You know, to help I kind of need to connect to your mind."

"Yeah, sorry, my phobia won't let me. No offence to looping you but nonlooping you is a bi--"

"She is my marefriend," Trixie growled.

"...no, I'm still saying it. Nonlooping Chrysalis is a big fat meanie."


96.12 (misterq)

"Look, I gotcha that Nightmare Moon has already been defeated through music however many times," Vinyl Scratch said as she finished levitating several musical instruments along with her turntables onto the Ponyville city hall stage, "It's just that I want to do it my own way; DJ P0N3 remix style."

"Okay, Vinyl. What do you need us to do?" Twilight said. She and all of her friends were were awake, along with just about all of the other pony loopers. In fact, only Celestia and Luna were their baseline selves.

"Twilight, you take rhythm guitar," the white musical unicorn told her. Twilight nodded and pulled out her favorite guitar from her storage pocket.

Vinyl continued, "Dash, you're fast. So you take lead guitar. Applejack, you've got bass. Rarity, you're on keyboards."

Rarity looked over the sheet notes Vinyl had given her and scowled, "But there's no keyboards in this song."

The DJ sighed, "I noticed, but that's your best instrument. Just freestyle along or something. I'm sure you can make the whole thing.. what's that word you use? Fab-something?"

"Fabulous?"

"Yeah, that it. Do that."

"I do suppose I can manage that," The fashionista nodded after briefly thinking on the topic.

Vinyl turned to Fluttershy, "You have the best voice out of all of us."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed and was promptly ignored.

"So you're lead vocals. That okay?"

The yellow pegasus nodded. Even after all this time, she still never cared too much for public performances, but she didn't rapidly shrink away from them unlike her baseline self.

Vinyl looked at the quiet pony for a brief moment, "I'll have to make sure to turn up your mic gain all the way."

Then she looked over at the last, grinning member of the original pony loopers.

"Okay, Pinkie Pie. This piece has some of the most challenging drumwork I've ever seen, and that's in its original form. This is going to be a hard house techno remix, with all the bpms that implies. Usually, the percussion is done by a drum machine; but you want to do this acoustically. Are you sure you can handle..."

Vinyl could practically feel the glare the pink looper was shooting her way, "Right. I forgot what pony I was speaking to."

Pinkie gave a big smile, made a happy noise, and spun her drumsticks so fast they hummed.

"And I'm on my turntables. Places, every pony. The 'Tribute to the Night' concert is about to begin!"

Baseline Nightmare Moon was nothing if not predictable in her appearance.

Except this time, it was a different pony who answered her question.

"I know who you are!" Vinyl's voice reached out throughout the crowd as she spoke into her mic, "You're the Princess of the Night, Princess Luna! And to herald your arrival, we're here to do a concert just for you! Ready, every pony? One, two, three, hit it!"

The guitars got going, playing at a faster pace than was normal for this song. Vinyl got busy adding various mood effects from her controls. Smoke, strobes, and magical lights flashed about, courtesy of Trixie.

Then Pinkie Pie went wild on the drums, easily keeping perfect timing despite the almost supernatural speed needed. At times, Vinyl thought it looked like the pink pony had grown another set of limbs just to manage. The DJ pony then shook her head and started concentrating on her part of the music.

"Say your prayers little one.
Don't forget my son,
to include everyone," Fluttershy sang as loud as she could. With the added amplification, it was loud enough that all the assembled ponies could hear her.

"I tuck you in, warm within.
Keep you free from sin.
'Til Princess Luna comes."

"Sleep with one eye open,
Gripping your pillow tight"

"Exit light,
Enter night.
Be our friend,
We'll make it a much better land!"


"Come on up, Princess Luna! You know the words!" Vinyl Scratch beckoned the stunned princess of the night over with her hoof, "Come on, Princess. Do you see how much ponies love the night?"

All the attending ponies cheered and swayed, enjoying the concert immensely.

"I.. " Nightmare Moon looked to either side, not really knowing how to react. She had expected the ponies to be frightened of her, even terrified. A tribute in her honor was nowhere in her plans.

"Get on up here," The sunglasses-wearing DJ waved her over, still bobbing her head to the beat, "I'm sure you have a wonderful singing voice!"

"A.. alright," Luna could have dropped her Nightmare Moon look then and there as she walked onto the stage, but her new outward appearance seemed more in line with the heavy pounding music and wild celebratory atmosphere.

Then she started singing.

Vinyl Scratch was right. Luna could sing perfectly in tune and on key, much to the delight of the crowd.

Unlike Fluttershy, there was no need for a microphone to amplify her voice.


96.13 (Zetrein)

Applejack stood beside Twilight, as they looked at the ruins of the library she had called home, for the last five, times *error, invalid integer*, years. They were the only two Awake this loop, and had managed to take down Tirak with minimal fuss, aside from a single stray shot.

"I don't understand." Twilight finally spoke. "Every time he gets loose, my library explodes." She paused to sniffle. "Every time. And I'm still narrowing down when he escapes. It varies, did you know? Various contributing butterflies, and all. I'm working on an adaptive detection array, going to test it on Tartarus next loop."

"You really mean, every loop? He always gets it, no matter what you do to protect your library?" Applejack found it hard to believe Twilight couldn't protect her home, not from a baseline enemy.

"Every time. A few loops ago, Luna was Awake. We moved Tartarus to the moon. Whole thing, pow, to the moon! Tirak still escaped, drained the other prisoners there, before coming back to Equestria. He landed on the library, cratered it.

Last time, last time, I put my library on the moon. Just picked up the whole library, put it on the moon. Claimed I didn't know, since I was in the Castle of the Two Sisters, accused Discord of doing it. Tirak shot the moon to intimidate us, hit it spot on, like it was the bullseye.

And you remember that damage sink spell? I used that this time, anchored the other end to the moon. Figured it should be able to tank whatever Tirak threw at it, you know?" Twilight waved a hoof at the wreckage. "But that one blast hit the perfect resonant magic frequency to invert the effect."

"You mean to tell me narrative causality itself has it out for your library?" Applejack's flabbergasted question was enough to finally set Twilight off.

"WHY?!" Twilight wailed, as she lay down to cry. "What does the universe have against my tree?! Why?" Applejack did the only thing she could do, and pulled her friend into a hug.


96.14 (Kris Overstreet)

Celestia and Spike found Twilight in the usual Canterlot park, face down in her book, snoring.

A gentle awakening and verification of Looping status later, Twilight explained that she'd just had yet another unplanned visit to the G3 Pony world.

"Oh? Was there perhaps a reason you ended up there?" Celestia asked.

"It was so close to the end of the Loop anyway," Twilight muttered. "That shouldn't count."

"What shouldn't count?" Spike asked.

Twilight sighed, took a deep breath, sighed again, and then unburdened herself of the unwelcome truth. "One pony plus four times the alicorn magic, multiplied by one hundred twenty-eight copies in the mirror pool, equals X. Tirek divided by X equals a naked magic singularity."

"Naked magic singularity?" Spike asked. "What's that mean?"

"It means an infinitely dense concentration of energy, hence mass," Celestia said. "Into which all of Equestria got sucked, I'd guess."

"World go down de hooooole," Twilight agreed, nodding sadly.

Spike leaned up to Celestia and whispered, "Are you sure we didn't get one of the mirror clones back?"


96.15 (Dalxein)

Twilight was rather surprised when Vinyl arrived to help the mostly-Awake bearers of the Elements aid in the unawake Rainbow Dash's search for a suitably awesome pet.
She had two very good reasons, as it turned out.

"Ah comes wif two sub-woofers." The DJ cooed, regarding the pair of rather adorable puppies following behind her. "This is Bass and Treble."

Twilight blinked. "Wait, that sounds familiar." She took a long look at the pair before her eyes widened.

"No," Bass interjected. "You aren't going to tell Rock, or Roll, ever."


96.16 (misterq)


Celestia Awoke with a gasping scream.

"Sister? What is wrong?" Luna shoved open the door and barged into the room, expecting the worst.

Celestia slowly managed to get her breathing under control, "It was horrible. An entire universe... without cake."

The pony of the night blinked, and then magically pelted her sister with all the nearby pillows.


96.17 (Novusordomundi)


The Lightning King looked up from his kneeling position, even as every instinct told him this was a bad idea.

And upon one look at the gossamer-and-lace Monarch Throne and it's current occupant, he realized that he should have listen to those instincts for he would have been spared the vision that could haunt him for the rest of his existence. A vision of the Yellow Goddess looking upon him with sadness.

There was no malice or hate in her face, and for the King, that would have been far preferable, for he could bear that, and it would have been deserved. But there was only disappointment in her glance, that Stare that could register how she felt without a needed word.

Then the Goddess stood up from the Throne, her eyes never moving from his. She stepped down the stairs, her pink hair flowing past her, as butterflies seemed to trail behind her every step. She only stopped when she was right in front of the bowing King. Seconds felt like lifetimes as silence filled the hall. The silence that was broken with a single, whispered word.

"Why?"

The Lightning King, The Thunder of the Heavens, The Lord of Hellenization could take no more, and started weeping.

The Yellow Goddess watched, as the broken King could do nothing more than sob into his hands, and repeating "I'm so sorry." to the Goddess. She could sense that he was feeling the weight of his guilt crushing him, and with a simple touch and a smile, took them away.

"I know you are." Her voice said, barely audible in decibels, but heard as a clap of "Your actions prove so. But I must ask again: why?"

"I... have needs. Many needs." The King managed.

"But are those needs worth the pain you have caused?" The Goddess sounded disappointed again. "They may bring you pleasure now, but have you considered what they have done to your wife?"

Tears welled up in the broken man's eyes. "No..."


"Rainbow Dash, why exactly am I reading a story that involves Fluttershy confronting Zeus on his infidelities?"

Rainbow Dash, known in the Multiverse by her pen name "Iris Drake", was currently working on something, using her abilities in her Alicorn form to be able to write and talk at the same time. "Eh, I wanted to try something different, Twi. I had this idea that wouldn't go away about Fluttershy running the Multiverse."

"Yes, but this is a bit... wordy for you." Twilight said, looking at another part of the manuscript, before realizing what she had said. "Not that you can't be when you want to..."

"It's alright. I'm trying to vary my styles. It can get boring if I just do the same thing over and over, ya know?"

"I know the feeling, Dash" Twilight said, before reading another snippet...


For as long as it had been there, and as many times the occupants had seen it, the device in front of them always was a wondrous sight to behold. The Temporal Ouroborus spun in multiple directions at once, wheels within wheels shimmering in colors that only existed in theory, multiple universes flashing into view as one wheel passed, only to flicker away at the passage of the next.

At a rectangular workstation that controlled the artifact was a towering giant of a man, sitting in an appropriate sized chair, a massive staff at his side. He was the Maker of Worlds, who's skillful ability could shape entire universes. To those less charitable to his condition, he was known as the Lame One. But never to his face, of course. The broken jaw and nose of the last creature to do so reminded everyone of this fact.

The Yellow Goddess watches as the wheels spun erratically in front of her. "Are you ready, Maker?"

"Of course, my lady. All the variables have been put in." the giant said. "Would you like to start?"

"If it wouldn't be any trouble."

"For you, it never is, my lady." And with that, a final button was pressed.

Whirls and clicks could be heard by all as the wheels slowed their spinning, their color returning to the normal color spectrum, until they aligned, one next to each other, with a hole in the middle projected into oblivion. And for a while, nothing happened.

Or that's what those unfamiliar with the way reality worked would have thought. But to the Yellow Goddess, her connection to the World Tree told her different, as the sensation of the blooming of a planted seed was taking place, to burst into a new branch of reality, full of new life and wonder, new creatures and civilizations, an infinite amount of possibilities that could happen.

The a bright white light flared from the hole in the center of the circles, as a new universe started to form...


"Dash, I don't really think that's how Yggdrasil works." Twilight deadpanned, which got a shrug out of the cyan Alicorn in response. "But I'm surprised. I kind of thought there would be more action..."

"Oh trust me, there will be." Dash affirmed. "I'm setting up right now for Flutter... I mean the Yellow Goddess to lead her forces against the forces of the Void Realms. It's going to be cool! She's going to get golden whips to hold off the forces of corruptions from invading reality!"

This got a chuckle from Twilight. She knew that Dash could not resist having at least one fight scene in her stories...


(DrTempo)

From the Journal of Sunset Shimmer:
This Loop was more of the more interesting ones, in my opinion. I Awoke in a part of Russia as a spy. My codename:

EVA.

It wasn't long before I met the Anchor of this Loop: the man who would be known as Big Boss; I'd heard his tale from Peter Parker.

Big Boss earned that codename of his by having to stop a madman...and kill his mentor, The Boss, thought to be a traitor. When he learned the truth- that she was loyal to the end, but circumstances had forced her to die branded a traitor- he, alongside his allies from that fateful mission, had formed a group called 'The Patriots' to realize the Boss' dream of a world united.


However, Big Boss and Major Zero disagreed on how to do this: Big Boss thought that soldiers needed to be have no nation to be tied to, and Zero wanted to control the populace through manipulation. When Big Boss was cloned by Zero, that was the last straw, and the two would enter a secret war that Big Boss' own cloned 'son', Solid Snake, would one day end, first by defeating Big Boss, then, nearly 20 years later, tore down the Patriots...or rather, the AIs Zero'd entrusted to carry out his will.

It is a VERY long and complicated story. Moving on, Big Boss was obviously quick to realize I wasn't who was usually in this role. After a quick explaination, BB(he chuckled at the cute nickname) had to admit; he'd heard stranger tales since his Looping days began. He also told me that Solid Snake had Awoken a few Loops after he had at the earilest.


We proceeded with things more or less as per baseline. Though, that Ocelot guy...he seemed to be showing signs that he's seen this before...I've a feeling he may Awaken in the next few Loops.

It was interesting living 50 years of life alongside Big Boss. He is the ultimate soldier; he's been a warrior throughout all his Looping days. He doesn't try to rely on special powers like ki or chakra(though he knows how), but prefers to use gunplay and his own brand of hand-to-hand called CQC. He's picked up plenty of technology, though. And the guy has charisma not unlike that of great leaders. No wonder many soldiers'd follow him to their death.

As for what I experienced this Loop...it was full of intrigue and espionage. And it was as confusing as I've heard. By the time I met Solid Snake(who luckily enough, was Awake as well, and is just like the stories about him say), things had gone relatively close to baseline, though BB had someone else get roasted by Snake during what would've been their second battle.


That, and he decided to take out the Patriots ahead of schedule this time. BB and his 'son' patched things up a long time ago. During their reunion, I heard them mention an epic battle where every known Awake Looper at the time(AKA before I Awoke), along with a lot of Unawake villains had fought on Pelennor Fields. And I mean ALL of them.

I missed what was probably the greatest battle the Multiverse will ever know. I don't know how to feel about that.

And for them, the battle was a good case of father-son bonding time.

This Loop has had me see what constant struggle can do to a person even when the Loops aren't involved. I have to admire guys who can handle all of that.

As the Loop ended, ol' BB gave me a hint of what he was hoping to do next Loop: become President.

Good luck, Jack...


96.18


(Kris Overstreet)

Applejack sat nervously in an uncomfortable plastic chair (How does Lyra do this?) as the lights came on in the Los Pegasus television studio.

"Tonight's contestant owns a large apple farm near Ponyville. She's a Taurus, likes country music and a hard day's work, and dislikes liars and lazy people! She's about to win a dream date with one of these three highly eligible bachelors!" Stage lights came on on the other side of a partition that blocked Applejack's view.

"So let's watch Applejack play: THE HEARTS AND HOOVES GAME!"

The audience applauded wildly as Princess Cadence, holding a microphone and wearing a loud plaid jacket, smiled her way out onto the stage. As the applause died down, the royal hostess continued, "How are you doing tonight, Applejack? Ready to meet the lover of your dreams?"

"How the hay did I EVER let you talk me into-"

"Now I'm sure you remember the rules. You get to ask two of our pre-prepared questions, and all of the bachelors will give their honest answer. In fact, the stage has been enchanted so they're completely incapable of lying!"

"I'd know if they were lyin' anyway, Cadence!" Applejack snapped. "Can we just get on with this?"

"All right, Applejack," Cadence said, ignoring Applejack's obvious discomfort. "Look through your cards and ask a question you think will help you choose a bachelor!"

"Um, yeah," Applejack said. "After th' show we're gonna have a talk about these questions..." She thumbed through several index cards, each one looking worse than the last. Finding none that weren't embarrassing, she picked the one that made her squirm the least. "We're havin' a romantic candlelit dinner. Th' wine has been poured, th' violins are playin'. When ya reach your hoof out to touch mine, what's th' first thing yer gonna say?"

"Oooh, that's a good one!" Cadence grinned. "Bachelor number one?"

"I would probably ask," a pompous if elegant voice replied, "if you'd washed your hooves recently. I find that commoner dirt is an absolute mood-killer, yes indeed."

"I would ask how you kept your hooves looking so clean and well-groomed," a hissing voice added, "after the long days in the crrrrrryssssstal mines I would force you to labor for my benefit."

A basso profundo with raspy overtones concluded, "And I would say nothing, merely look into your eyes and stare hungrily at the magic within your soul."

"Aw, how romantic, Bachelor Number Three!" Cadence gushed. "Now Applejack, I hope that helped you make your decision, because you only get one more question!"

"All I need is one more!" Applejack prepared to push herself out of her bucket chair. "How about, 'How do I make my escape from-'"

"But first let's learn a little more about our bachelors!" Cadance said, drowning out the rest of Applejack's question as she trotted around the partition and out of Applejack's direct sight. "Now we're going to keep their identities a secret, but we can give you folks at home a few pointers, right?" Wink, to applause. "Bachelor Number One is an up and coming political figure in the Canterlot scene!"

"And I was also voted Most Handsome Stallion in Equestria two years running by-"

"Ah ah ah!" Cadence warned. "Don't give yourself away, Bachelor One!"

"You couldn't pay me ta take 'im," Applejack muttered.

"Bachelor Number Two is retired, but he used to do a booming business in the jewelry industry!"

"Jewelry is only a sideline. Gems are my true interest. There is such unique power in cryyyyysssstals..."

"And Bachelor Number Three is a gourmet with unique tastes!"

"This is true. Unfortunately my preferred diet seldom... agrees with me."

"And that's enough hints," Cadence said, walking back around the partition. "Applejack, have you picked your final question?"

"One question and I'm done? You promise?"

"Of course! Those are the rules of the game!" Cadence insisted. "So what's the question?"

Applejack, groaning, picked one of the other cards at random. She read it and groaned as she realized it was one of the worst. "Um... in... in th' bedroom... do I haveta say this? In th' bedroom, would y'all say yer a... a speed sprinter... a steeplechase jumper... or a long hauler?" As soon as she finished she tossed the card away like it was on fire, grabbing her hat with one hoof and covering her face with it. "Ah cain't believe ah just said that..."

"Ooooh, that's hitting below th-"

"CADENCE!!!"

"All right, all right," the pink alicorn waved down Applejack. "Bachelor Two, what's your answer?"

"I do not do the hauling," the raspy voice hissed. "I find other ponies to do this for me. ALL the other ponies, everywhere, hauling cryyyyyysssstals for me!!"

"Ahem," the deep voiced bachelor spoke. "In the bedroom or anywhere else, let me just say... that I never stop until my goals are fully achieved." The audience oohed at that one.

The pompous voice gave a groan of disgust. "Hauling? Manual labor is SO undignified! And as genteel as the sport of steeplechase is, the mud puddles behind some of the jumps are simply intolerable! They'd muss my hooficure! So I'd have to go with the speed sprint, common as it is."

"Er.... riiiiight," Cadence said, struggling to keep her smile. "Anyway, Applejack, you've heard the responses of all the bachelors now. It's almost time to choose!"

"Great! I choose Door Number One!" Applejack said.

"Hehe! Cute joke, Applejack, but wrong game show!"

"What joke? First door I see I'm goin' right through-"

"So, who shall it be? Bachelor Number One?"

"If you're half as beautiful as me," the pompous voice declared, "we'll be the talk of Canterlot society!"

"Bachelor Number Two?"

"You will ssssubmit to me! It is inevitable!"

"Or Bachelor Number Three?"

"I can't wait to see what you're made of," the deep voice said.

"Yer not gonna let me leave this stage unless I pick one o'these bozos, huh?" Applejack asked. "Fine. Bachelor Number One sounds like a stuck up nancy-boy who'd never last five minutes on a farm. Bachelor Number Two sounds like he just escaped from a world court trial, accused of crimes against equinity."

"How did you know?" the raspy voice gasped.

"So I reckon I gotta go with th' third one. He sounds like a steady pony. He sure can't be as bad as th' other two!"

"So your final selection," Cadence said carefully, "is Bachelor Number Three?"

"If none of th' above ain't an option," Applejack said, "then yup, Bachelor Number Three it is!"

Cadence grinned. "Come on out, Bachelor Number Three!"

As the theme music played and lights began to dim on the other side of the partition, a large figure rounded its side and came into view.

"He's a magic-devouring centaur from beyond the badlands," Cadance read from an index card. "His hobbies include dancing, long walks on the beach, and global domination! Say hello to Tirek!"

Applejack's jaw dropped at the sight of the fugitive from Tartarus, and then dropped further at the roar of applause from the audience.

"And the two of you will be spending a whole romantic weekend in-"

"EENOPE!"


"And that's when your earthbending caused the Great Coltifornian Earthquake and sent Los Pegasus sliding into the ocean?" Twilight Sparkle asked.

"Eyup," Applejack nodded. "Th' seaponies gave me a trophy for extraordinary achievement in destruction. Said they'd ask Celestia ta make me Equestria's ambassador."

"Well," Twilight sighed, "this was obviously provoked. I'll have a talk with the judge. You may get out of here on Monday, earlier if I can get Luna to void the charges."

"That's fine, Twilight," Applejack said. "But why do I have to stay in th' same cell as THESE two!" She pointed a chained hoof at the equally chained Tirek and Cadence.

"How do you think I feel?" Tirek growled. "At least Blueblood and Sombra got a year's supply of Oat-a-Roni, the San Flankcisco Treat!"

"The rules of the show say you have to spend a romantic weekend together!" Cadence insisted. "And I'm going to make sure you two do it!"

Twilight rubbed her head to make the migraine go away. "Cadence, we need to have a very serious talk..."


96.19 (KrisOverstreet)

Six jaded ponies stood in a shiny netherworld, surrounded by clouds and light, each with a large number ZERO hovering over their heads.

"Oh, wow, look. A magical dreamscape," Twilight Sparkle said sarcastically.

"TV pictures of our lives flashing before our eyes. How simply fascinating," Rarity whined.

Pinkie Pie put on a pair of glasses with thick square rims and said, "Meh. I was having flashbacks and hallucinations before it was cool."

Rainbow Dash's jaw worked for a moment; then she shrugged. "I got nothin'. Hey, Pinkie, you have any more of those hipster glasses?"

"Yeah, sure, help yourself. They're in my mane."

"None for me, thanks," Applejack said. "Don't want some idjit thinkin' my hat is a trillby."

Princess Celestia appeared, opened her mouth to congratulate the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony on completing Starswirl the Bearded's research... and closed it again as she looked at the six blase' faces. "Girls," she said quietly, "I have something very important to show you, but I need you to do something for me first."

"Sure, whatever," Twilight grumbled. "What is it?"

"Could you all stand in line... sort of a semicircle... right here?" Celestia pointed a hoof down at the nonexistent floor. "No, closer. Closer. Yes, that's right. Perfect. Stop there."

It is a little-known fact that alicorn magic powers include the ability to administer a bitch-slap with a wing at mach speeds.

When Twilight and her friends could hear anything over the ringing bells and tweeting birds, they observed their surroundings with new eyes. "WOW!" Twilight gasped. "Have you noticed how beautiful this place is?"

DING.

The ponies looked up to see the zeroes replaced by various numbers- a very low number in Rainbow Dash's case, extremely high with Twilight Sparkle.

"There," Celestia said. "I've reset your bucks-to-give-ometer. Now let's talk about all the princessing you're about to be doing."


(TheCentauress)

"I will have your power!" ding! Wonk-wonk-wonk... "I've been hearing that noise for the last five minutes. What devilry is this?" BZZT! "...yah know what? Buck it. There a bar nearby?" The massive centauroid looked around as he slowly shrank down to his gaunt, pony-sized form, the stolen magic seeping out like a glittering mist.

Twilight, her own count of bucks, - even after the alicornation recharging, - being totally spent, merely flipped him a mini-keg of 'Granny Smith's Oak-Aged Sippin' Cider XXXXXXX' from the cooler beside her relaxed form. The ancient menace nodded, cracked the tube and chugged it down. Having the mass equivalent of a small filly, and drinking something just a shade shy of the (Non-)mythical 307, the poor shmuck was instantly more toasted than the time Discord laughed at Trixie's FOOF-augmented Kimodo3000 while he was inside the blast radius. (Simply put, Tirek was Drunk off his Plot.)

The hapless centauroid giggled and fell over, out before he was even fully in motion. However, as he was heading toward the sweet embrace of the sod, a surge of magic erupted from his horns and obliterated the library-tree behind Twilight.

The purple alicorn looked over her shoulder, shrugged and took a keg of her own. "Meh," she huffed, "par for the course."


Author's Note:

96.1: Twiabetes epidemic.
96.2: Well, it's true.
96.3: Derpy is a skilled pony.
96.4: Finding someone who views you as a mentor.
96.5: This pretty much sums up why Discord is cool with Twilight and co.
96.6: The worst book.
96.7: She has a few issues to work through.
96.8: The Star Wars Shall Aid In Her Escape
96.9: Surprisingly easy to explain.
96.10: Cheerilee is still working on her coping mechanism.
96.11: She is.
96.12: Sing along!
96.13: Narrative perversity.
96.14: Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot.
96.15: Oom-pah.
96.16: Cake.
96.17: Does this count as fan fiction?
96.18: Cadence has a problem.
96.19: A continuation of 95.8.

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