MLP Loops 119
119.1 (Kris Overstreet)
And the Rest Loop: Applebuck Season
Twilight Sparkle glared at the crowd of animals surrounding Applejack. The farm pony had been trussed tighter than a broken leg at a kingdom-wide Colt Scouts jamboree. A dog-sized mummy of rope stood on a stake beside hers. One of the critters had just finished piling the wood beneath her and had begun fiddling with a box of matches.
"Now, Angel Bunny," Fluttershy murmured, "I know Applejack was a little bit frightening and scared your friends, but isn't burning her at the stake just a little bit excessive?"
The other bunnies raised torches (and a few pitchforks) into the air. Angel Bunny, being him, pulled a flamethrower from his pocket and tested it.
Fluttershy ducked away from the roaring flame and squeaked, "Of course that's only my opinion!"
"I think you'd better go home, Fluttershy," Twilight said quietly. "I'll handle this."
"Oh, you won't hurt them, will you?" Fluttershy asked. "They're such helpless, timid creatures."
Oh, Oak save me from the non-Awake versions of my best friends. "I won't hurt a hair on their heads," she reassured Fluttershy. "But we're going to have to have a serious talk, and I don't think you want to hear some of the words I'm going to use."
"Oh... er... all right... but please don't be too mean to them," Fluttershy said. "They're not responsible for what they do when they're panicked." Fluttershy fluttered off, and Twilight waited until she was out of sight and earshot.
"All right, you've had your fun," she told Angel. "You've made your point. But there are lines we do not cross in a baseline Loop. You have already crossed one. Now you're going to cut down Applejack and Winona and apologize to them both."
Angel Bunny's eyes narrowed. The flamethrower vanished, replaced in a back flip by a small set of midnight-black robes. A tiny red lightsaber ignited in his paws.
Twilight's eyes narrowed in turn, and she drew herself up as tall as she could. "I'm pretty sure you didn't just challenge me," she hissed. The clear blue sky above the treetops vanished behind swirling clouds, which grew darker by the moment. "You, after all, are an experienced Looper, and would know better than to directly confront the Anchor of your Loop." Shadows gathered around Twilight Sparkle, forming the shape of armor and helm. "An Anchor who has a thousand Loops for your one. An Anchor who can summon godlike power merely by an instant act of will." Twilight's eyes began to glow, their pupils taking on a reptilian slit shape. "An Anchor who has merely promised not to harm a hair on your head, saying nothing whatever about the rest of your body." Lightning flashed overhead, sending distinct Nightmare-ish shadows across the bunnies, who cowered in terror. "And an Anchor who has just had a very bad Loop, wants some peace and quiet, isn't getting it, and wants the annoyance to go away. "
Eternal Twilight towered over Darth Gel, a deep purple shadow of menace almost blotting out a tiny flicker of darkness. "You weren't challenging me, were you now?" The voice hissed on the edge of pony hearing, and even a few of the bunnies had to strain to catch the words.
Angel Bunny calmly weighed the situation, considered his alternatives, and made a decision.
The red lightsaber flashed twice.
Smoldering ropes fell away from Applejack and Winona, who topped forward off their stakes and onto the woodpile beneath them.
"Good," Twilight Sparkle said. "Now apolo..."
A loud snore broke into the conversation. Applejack, who had been exhausted as usual when the bunny census had begun, had passed out asleep long before. Now, released from the ropes, she could get the deep breaths necessary to really saw some logs.
"On second thought, you gather every single bunny in and around Ponyville and get to work picking apples. Each bunny gets two apples for their day's work. And if you skive off or take more apples for yourself..." Twilight's face disappeared completely into shadow, leaving only those glowing eyes. "I'll know."
Angel raised one eyebrow.
"'Or else what?'" Twilight asked. "Do you really want an answer to that question?" Wings made of the interstellar void spread from her back, blotting out the sky and the forest.
Angel, apparently unafraid, shrugged, raised a paw, and snapped his digits. The other bunnies threw away their torches and began hopping towards Sweet Apple Acres.
"That's better." Twilight relaxed, and, in an instant, all of the shadows, clouds, and lightning vanished under the light of a sunny day. "And I'll still expect you to apologize when Applejack wakes up... in two or three days."
Angel rolled his eyes and hopped away.
What I have to go through to get that rabbit to behave, Twilight sighed. How does Awake Fluttershy manage it?
And the Rest Loop: Griffon the Brush-Off
It had been, up to that point, a very quiet day, which Twilight Sparkle had enjoyed. She'd slept in, awakened to a late breakfast cooked by Spike, and then curled up at a reading table with one of her favorite bad-Loop-recovery books, Literary Analysis of the Ancient Lays of the Middle Minotauran Republic, Volume 2. It was a stultifying boring work that could send Rainbow Dash to sleep in seven words or less. Twilight had only read it eighty-two times.
Then the brass band kicked in, followed by cheering and shouting and the tramping of far, far too many feet.
Twilight stuck her head out the library door just in time to see a train of elephants, one after another after another, walking past and through Ponyville's main square, tossing bits at the bewildered ponies watching. A very familiar-looking griffon sat on the back of the lead elephant, led in the procession by a turban-wearing Pinkie Pie. Pinkie had already begun to sing at a pitch that carried through the whole of Ponyville:
Princess G, Fabulous she, Gilda the Griffon!
Genuflect, show some respect, down on one knee
Now try hard to keep your cool
The manners you learned in school
And come and join her splendiferous party
Princess G, Mighty is she, Gilda the Griffon!
Strong as ten regular hens, definitely!
She faced the emperor's hordes
Their claws and their beaks and their swords
Who shut them all down with one word?
Why, Princess G
She's got seventy-five hot air balloons
Fighting squadrons
She's got twenty-three
When it comes to obedient goons
Two thousand and two
Give or take a few
Who serve obediently
Princess G, beautiful she, Gilda the Griffon!
Those golden eyes triggering sighs of sheer ecstasy
Not to mention that she's rich
Which means when she gets hitched
Her hubby can swim in the Griffonian treasury
Princess G, Imperial She, Gilda the Griffon!
Because she won, she rules griffons absolutely
And she's come to our town
To let her feathers down
So give a Ponyville welcome to-
Pinkie, and perforce the whole procession, came to a sudden halt as a griffon messenger descended from the skies, handed a scroll to Pinkie Pie, tipped his cap to her, and flew away again.
Pinkie opened the scroll and read aloud: "To whom it may concern; due to the incredible expense of the diplomatic mission to Equestria, the government of Griffonia has collapsed. The griffons have created a new republic in its place. Therefore let it be known that Gilda the Griffon is immediately deposed as ruler of the griffons and that any drafts made by her on the treasury of Griffonia from this date forward shall not be honored."
Gilda found herself dumped to the street. Ten seconds later the elephants, band, servants, soldiers, flower girls, and fan-wielding male harem had vanished to the four winds, or as close to them as the streets of Ponyville would allow.
Pinkie shrugged and began a new song and dance:
For she's a flat broke ex-Princess,
For she's a flat broke ex-Princess,
For she's a flat broke ex-Princess,
Which nopony can deny!
At which point Pinkie pulled a cupcake out of her mane, handed it to Gilda with a smile, and trotted away.
Rainbow Dash, who had been watching the parade from above, swooped down to land beside Gilda. "Hey, Gilda," she said. "That was kinda harsh, y'know? They coulda at least let ya keep one elephant."
"Eh," Gilda shrugged, "easy come, easy go. I'm sure something else will come up."
"Wanna hang out at my place until you get back on your wings?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Thanks, I'd like that," Gilda said. "I'll be along in a while... I need to look and see if I can scrape any of those bits my boys were throwing."
"Yeah, I understand," Dash nodded. "Catch you later!"
As the rainbow-maned pegasus zoomed off, Twilight walked up to the griffon and said, "I have to say, that wasn't a bad prank at all."
"What prank?" Gilda asked. "This was a serious diplomatic mission."
Twilight cocked her head. "What?"
Gilda looked grumpy for another three seconds. Then one corner of her beak turned up as she added, "I was saving the really silly stuff for Celestia." She held up four extremely large saddle shoes and sighed. "Do you know how hard it is to find trained tap-dancing elephants?"
119.2 (Pinklestia)
Somepony slowly opened the door to Big Macintosh's bar, and a black Earth pony colt walked inside. He was wearing a Batman costume, one look and Mac knew he was the real deal.
"Hey boss, been a while, first time in Equestria?"
"No." Batman said and sat in front of the counter.
"So... care to talk about what's bugging you?" Mac served him a drink, not alcoholic, but looked like one at first glance, is what Bruce drank when he was being at a social event or he was pretending to get drunk.
"I am fictional this loop." Bruce then sipped his drink, with an ease that showed that he had indeed been a pony before. Mac didn't say anything else, waiting for him to go on and he started to clean the mugs and glasses. It was still quite early and there wasn't much else to do. After a moment, Batman continued.
"Not in the sense that I am a fictional character, but that I am an actor portraying Bat Colt in a TV series, everypony knows who I am. I am famous. Ponies just won't leave me alone!"
Mac understood, Batman wasn't the most social guy around, save when he was playing the role of playboy millionaire. But even then, it was just an act, for a loner like Batman, being the centre of attention and being forced to act nice all the time was torture.
"You could retire."
"I actually enjoy being an actor."
Mac raised an eyebrow "Then..."
"The Cutie Mark Crusaders won a prize in a contest, meet the actor that portrays Bat Colt, and they get a minor scene in the show. They aren't awake and I have to deal with them for a week."
Mac silently switched Batman's drink for something hard. While he never saw Bruce getting drunk, it seemed this time he actually needed to.
119.3 (Gym Quirk)
Loop Trek: The Next Iteration -- "Encounter at Farfetched"
Captain Celestia paused in her walk around the bridge of the Enterprise to allow the loop memories to settle.
Ah. This again. I wonder what the crew lottery came up with this time.
Glancing around, she concluded that this was a ponified variant, rather than a straight substitute-into-bipeds fusion.
There was Twilight in Data's seat at Conn. I wonder how often she gets slotted into scientific support roles.
She did not recognize the pony at Ops. Oh dear. Redshirt. Must make an effort to save that one if possible.
She noted Diamond Tiara speaking to Gilda at the Tactical station. Tasha and Worf. Rather predictable...
Cadance was in the Counselor's chair. And loop memories indicate that we'll be meeting with Shining Armor, Zecora, and Apple Bloom at Deneb IV.
As she moved to peer over Twlight's shoulder, the unicorn murmured, "Two Generosities, one Kindness, and another Magic so far." More loudly, she announced. "Unknown sensor contact directly ahead, approaching rapidly."
"There is a very powerful mind out there," added Cadance in an almost bored tone of voice as she idly examined her left front hoof-shoe.
"And here it comes," muttered DT to Gilda as the view screen was filled with a tessellating pattern. The griffon grunted in acknowledgement.
"Hi guys!" said the draconequus after she flashed into existence.
"Hello, Silver. Are you here to judge if ponykind is a savage and unworthy race?" asked Celestia politely.
"Nah. Technically, I'm here to help judge if ponykind is a boring and uninteresting race. Discord and Q are running interference with the Continuum, and I got stuck with the public appearances. I feel obliged to point out that you don't have any Elements of Laughter available just now, so you're at a slight disadvantage for the trial..."
119.4 (Gamerex27)
The door to Mac's bar slowly crept open, and Pinkie Pie walked in. She didn't bounce, or skip, or even teleport in from under a stool. No, she walked in. This, in Mac's experience, was always a bad sign.
Her mane a mix between its usually poofy self and flat, Pinkie eased herself onto a seat at the bar top, and sighed.
Mac didn't say anything: he didn't want to risk upsetting her. He merely continued to clean his mugs.
Mac took a second look at his customer, and instantly understood what was wrong. On Pinkie Pie's forehoof was a large orange bracelet.
Pinkie's gaze slowly trailed to her bracelet, and then made eye contact with Mac.
"I have diabetes this Loop," she said, her voice missing all of its usual cheer.
"Magic diabetes," she clarified, as Mac opened his mouth to give advice. "Twilight's done everything she could to cure it, but nothing worked."
"Well," Mac said, "it'll only be for this Loop."
"But it's so annoying!" Pinkie's mane fully deflated and turned totally flat. "I can barely eat one tiny cookie without risking my life! I have to stop in the middle of every single party and check my glucose level just to make sure I won't pass out and wake up without my hooves! I can't even order any of my usual drinks here, 'cause all of them are packed with sugar!"
"You could just try to find some..." Mac hesitated for a moment. "...sugar-free snacks?" he said hesitantly.
The Element of Laughter twitched. "I know, but they're so hard to find around here! I never noticed just how much sugar everypony uses around here to bake and cook everything! I had to go all the way to Manehattan just to find a bakery that sold all my favorite things without sugar!"
She sighed, and downed the shot of Berry Punch's special sugar-free brew. "I...I just don't know what to do!"
"I ain't sure what to tell ya, Pinkie. Maybe," he realized, "you can just make your sugar-free snacks on your own?"
Pinkie Pie froze. Her mane instantly poofed back up, and she squeed in joy. "Ohmygosh, you're right! Thank you so much, Maccy!"
She pulled him into a deep kiss, then ducked underneath the stool, teleporting out of the bar.
As Berry Punch walked out of the back room, she saw Mac blushing furiously.
119.5 (Kingofsouls) (Gamerex27) (DrTempo) (TrueZero2) (Fractalman) (Masterweaver) (banjo2e) (Draconas) (drachefly) (send help, too many authors!)
"Okay, New round. Weirdest married couple you have seen or been in." Twilight announced to the bar patrons. She then shot a glare at Cadence. "And no Cadence, that time you got everypony married to their human counterparts doesn't count."
Cadence slammed her head into the table.
"I got one. I Woke up married to Davenport that one loop." Pinkie took a swig of her drink.
Rainbow gave Pinkie a questioning look. "Wait, the sofa and quill guy? That Davenport?"
"Yepper-Ronnie!" She sighed wistfully. "Good times."
"I think I speak for everyone present when I ask how that came to be." Rarity questioned.
"Well, he told me he really liked what I could do with a sofa."
The others looked at Pinkie, wondering just how far out of context that statement really was.
Shining Armor sighed, cradling his head with a hoof. "Even so, that couldn't have been as bad as that one time I Woke Up married to Panty."
The Loopers in the bar looked at one another, clearly having no idea who that was.
"She and her sister Stocking were angels who were exiled from Heaven for being too sinful in their home Loop," Shining explained. "They had to fight ghosts on earth in order to get back to Heaven, and they did it by turning their clothes into weapons for some reason."
"Oh, those two." Twilight sighed, taking a sip of her cider. "I remember them from when they replaced Celestia and Luna. I'm pretty sure Panty seduced every single stallion in the Royal Guard except you. She was like a foul-mouthed, tamer version of Molestia."
Nearly every Looper in the bar shuddered in unison at this.
"And, since she kept using human curses, nopony knew what she was talking about half the time," Twilight continued. "Her sister ate so much sugar, she single-hoofedly gave the Pies enough business to open up franchise shops all over Equis. She ate more cake than Celestia and Pinkie combined, for elk's sake."
Pinkie gasped at this. "Ohmygosh! That's more cake than there should ever be in one place! You can't let just one pony hog it all!"
"When you said they used their clothes as weapons," Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow, "what do you mean?"
"They used some kind of magic to literally turn them into weapons. Panty turned her...ah, namesake into guns, and Stocking turned her socks into swords."
Unexpectedly, Rarity smiled at this. "Finally, someone finds a use for those things."
Sunset said, "Hmm...weirdest married couple I've seen..." After thinking for a few minutes, she said, "I've seen a lot of odd couples, but the one that takes the cake was an Unawake Fluttershy and Ryoga Hibiki. Fluttershy was able to actually calm Ryoga down. THAT is rare."
Twilight smirked "I can beat that. An Unawake Shining Armor was married to his job one loop."
Shining Armor slammed his head into the table.
"Weirdest married couple... weirdest married couple..." Vinyl muttered as she tried to remember one. "Probably the one where Rarity and Shino hooked up. Neither one was Awake, and Rarity fell for Shino when he saved her life during Pain's attack on the Hidden Leaf. I tell ya, not many people believed it at first. Killer reception though."
"Weirdest marriage? Chrysalis and C'thulu. Yes, that was a marriage."
"There was this one time Angel and Luna were married." Fluttershy said. "The moon was pretty green that Loop."
Luna slammed her head into the table.
Sweetie Belle raised a hoof. "Does it have to be a couple? Cause I have a herd example..."
Cadence raised her head. "Go on..."
"Alright... so we all know how Ivory ended up with Stephen Magnet and Gustav le Grand after Rarity and Spike's bachelor party--"
Ivory rolled her eyes. "Yes, go telling everypony why don't you."
"Ahem. Anywho..." Sweetie shrugged. "One loop had herd-based marriage laws--a couple was just 'a herd of two' and not something unique--and I think Spike and Gilda were awake, and they campaigned for some sort of racial equality... long story short, when me and Rarity took Manehattan, Suri Polomare was married to Garble, Gilda's third cousin, a changeling queen--not unique that loop--and Stephen Magnet."
She gave an awkward little cough. "They, ah... they commissioned Rarity for specialty bed sheets, and I won't elaborate."
"I once married a demonic overlord and a paladin. Barely remember their names at this point, though."
Discord finished his drink in a completely normal fashion, then scowled as he realized the entire bar was staring at him. "Look, I think the fact that they asked me, of all people, to officiate the ceremony would tend to suggest they might not be an entirely normal couple!"
Celestia downed a shot of alcohol heated to the point of fusion.
"Let's just say in one loop Luna and I had to keep up an eclipse for five days so the Sun and Moon could have their honeymoon."
Of to the side, Luna cursed before trying to think of a new example.
"Ah, do fake weddings count?" Rainbow Dash had put her head on a hoof in an uncharacteristic 'thinking' pose.
Twilight coughed. "No, they do not."
"I ask 'cause" - "I just said they don't." - "Twilight and I have been married a few times. Not looped in that way, but actually chose to when awake."
Twilight gave up and let her continue.
"First there was the time you had to get married or else, and only we were awake, and we were both too worn out to fight the system. Then there was the time we were all under pressure by a set of secret police, and they tried to play us off against each other. Then there was the time we just did it to make some bigots' heads explode. Oh, and pranking Cadence by getting married and divorced more and more frequently until you needed a millisecond timer to keep count - no, you haven't forgotten, that was before you ever woke up... did I miss any?"
Twilight looked around the room and felt a peculiar series of sensations: first, relief that the reactions were mere amusement at the situations, not anything she should be embarrassed over; second, confusion that she could still be insecure enough that that could still occur to her; third, surprise that most of her friends were still recognizably themselves after all this time and experience; and fourth, fear - of change, of loss of self, of the end of the loops by the recovery of Yggdrasil, of the end of the loops by a total crash, of data corruption changing people in ways they never chose.
"You okay there?"
"No, I..." she blinked. "I think you got them all."
Gilda's grin was quite predatory. "I got one that's pretty good. Queen Celestia and Emperor Tirek."
Celestia' s head smashed into the table, Twilight' s drink being shot out of her mouth at the nearest pony (it was Rarity). "What!?”
"Stealth anchor. You were replaced with one of the Yugioh anchors," responded Celestia, her head rising slightly. "It was a strange loop. Tirek challenged my unawake self to single combat when he came to first Equestria. He won, and forced me to marry him. Needless to say, Equestria wasn't exactly...friendly.
"When I woke up, the first thing did was file a divorce by banishing him to the sun."
"Was my...."
"Sorry Twilight. There Was a Freak solar flare that happened after I banished him."
Twilight's head smashed into the table.
119.6 (Gamerex27) (Masterweaver) (DrTempo) (LordCirce) (Ghrathyrn) (Gym Quirk) (Drachefly)
"Can guest Loopers propose an idea?" Iron Coat-or as he was more commonly known, Langdon- studied the glass in his hoof, wondering how he was managing to hold it without fingers. "How about this: the best or most impressive way you've ever de-railed another Loop's baseline."
"That's a broad category," replied Twilight. "Give me a minute to think of one of my better Loops."
"There was the time where we completely destroyed the plot of Romeo and Juliet," Spike pitched in. "But I think my best one was when I replaced the Dovahkiin back in Skyrim."
He took a sip of his drink, belched atomic fire safely into his subspace pocket, then continued. "It went normally until I infiltrated the Thalmor embassy. When I found their files on how they brainwashed Ulfric to spur on the war...I showed the Imperials and Stormcloaks the documents. Right when we were negotiating the ceasefire in the civil war."
Spike reached his paw into his Pocket, and withdrew a picture of the Thalmor Ambassador's face during the event. Suffice to say, it was priceless.
"I had no idea humans could stretch their mouths so wide," remarked Octavia, from her seat next to Vinyl. "Her mouth is a foot away from literally dropping to the ground."
"She isn't human," Spike stressed. "See the ears? Elves can stretch their mouths wider than humans. Anyways," he continued, "they worked out peace, alright. Although, it didn't exactly go as planned."
Rarity nodded. "I don't think either of us anticipated the Empire and Stormcloaks teaming up to take on every single Thalmor in Tamriel. Even though it did lead to a golden age of prosperity and cultural understanding (somehow), the war was far more bloody than either of us wanted. Turns out lightning bolt spells travel faster than the Elements of Harmony did in that Loop." Rarity shivered, then put on a small smile. "The cultural renaissance afterwards gave me ideas for some fabulous new dresses, though."
"Alright, alright, get this." Vinyl spread her hooves wide. "I Wake Up, and I'm a seapony right?"
Twilight's eyebrow rose ever so slightly. "Equestrian or G3?"
"Neither, actually. My Loop memories tell me that I'm sort of a nice girl, bit curious--obvious hero material--but beyond that, nothing. So I go swimming out of my cave and, guess who's out there? ANIKAN FREAKING SKYWALKER." Vinyl snorted. "He was also a seapony, but wearing a robe."
"All right..."
"So, he explains that his pre-awake self was going to restore only some of my memory as part of a gambit, but offers to restore all of it. I decide, on a whim, to just have him restore the part he was going to cause, ya know, why the heck not." Vinyl grinned broadly. "So it turns out that this whole world I'm in is built on 'the verse'--basically, think magic that can be channeled by singing."
Octavia sighed in resignation. "What song did you pick?"
"Dubstep remix of our hub show theme song. Ten minutes later, a bunch of ponies in scuba gear go down to the depths and blast a depressed demigod with the powers of harmony." The unicorn leaned back with a smug smirk. "Yep, that's how I completely fixed Aquaria."
Sunset smirked. "Interesting baseline derailments....Here's one. You know that loop with the animatronic puppets in that pizza place...I just blasted that place to bits." The grin on her face was wide. "Problem solved. That place was going out of business anyway."
Angel Bunny made a series of gestures, before twitching his nose and turning back to his drink. Sunset squinted. "I don't think I caught that." She glanced at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy blushed. "Oh, um, Angel was taking the place of Bonnie the Bunny that Loop. He was the first thing you hit."
Sunset flushed. "Oops." Then she paused. "Hey wait, he chased me through three rooms."
Angel twitched his nose and turned away.
Sweetie perked up. "Ooh, ooh, I got one. I was in Arda..."
Bloom cut in. "We've all heard your Ascension Story. That doesn't count."
Sweetie glowered at her. "This is a different time. I Looped in as Galadriel, and I managed to make Heart Songs a thing. Smaug and Bilbo did a really funny cat-and-mouse duet, the Battle of Helm's Deep turned into a giant rap battle, and Gandalf and the Eagles did this amazing Orchestral Jazz fly-over at the end of the Loop."
"Wait, Ah think Ah've got one!" Apple Bloom said. "Twilight, remember when we Woke up on Gor?"
The entire bar fell silent. Even Pinkie Pie, eternal engine of motion that she was, froze at the mention of Gor.
"Wait a moment." Rarity said slowly. "Are you talking about the Gor?"
"That planet where those aliens abduct people from Earth and force them to live in Stone Age cultures?" Fluttershy asked.
"The one where the men are deplorable knaves, who brainwash the women and make them their slaves?" Zecora asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Please tell me you two gave those aliens some justice," Rainbow Dash said, with a sharp edge to her voice.
"Of course!" Twilight sipped her cider. "The moment our Loop memories kicked in, we Ascended, and destroyed the aliens' orbital cannon."
"And Ah wired their bases so they couldn't build anythin' like that again," Apple Bloom added. "Cut off their production factories, vaporized all of their teleportation technology, an' put 'em all in a penal colony."
"We did leave them with a one-way video feed to Gor, though." Twilight grinned. "We spent the next few years travelling the planet, making massive changes to society, and making a unified global culture."
"Ah introduced the poor folks trapped there ta' gunpowder, electricity, heatin', and all the bells n' whistles. 'Course, we sent anyone who wanted back to Earth, but a whole bunch of 'em stayed to show up the jerks that put 'em there."
"We got a women's rights movement going in record time. By the time we got governments running across the planet, a little under half of the officials were females."
"An' the best part?" Apple Bloom beamed. "Them aliens couldn't do a darn thing about it. We enchanted those TVs to make 'em unbreakable, so they were forced to watch their big experiment fall apart."
"We made them watch that sick society of oppression they had built crumble to pieces, and there was nothing that they could do about it."
Many of the ponies in the bar applauded. Apple Bloom blushed, and Twilight took a moment to bow on her stool.
"Hey, Twi?" The young Apple's face turned thoughtful. "Do ya think we got that world Looping? It was static when we got there, but with all th' changes we made, ya think..."
"Maybe? I have no idea. If we did help make an Anchor, it was probably one of those Amazons."
"Interesting loops huh?" The dark-maned thestral twitched her tail as she leaned against the bar, a black and white mongrel lazing at her hooves. "I can think of a few breaks, not all of them mine." She grinned before sipping her drink. "Actually, one was a Fallout loop, you know, the places where the entire planet ends up on the receiving end of a WMD bombardment? Well, in this case it was the… third one, where the main person has to leave the vault after their father." She snorted, shaking her head. "Of course Dad was really interested in their tech, particularly the GECKs, but knowing the Enclave morons would be out there looking for it, we went a different route.
"Instead of us sneaking out of the vault, we browbeat the Overseer with science out the gate, cutting out a good chunk of the problems that would come later, then I shifted to Assirraya the Inferno, grabbed the nuke in Megaton and dropped it on the Enclave's heads while Tim here used his dragon form to start mucking with the ground. He got a good chunk around Megaton purged. Took us a few years to get everything done, but we got the Capital Wastes cleared, even managed to get rid of the ghoul infestations around, didn't even need the GECK when we found it."
:What my brood-mate isn't saying is that once we found the rest of our brood things went a lot quicker, especially since we could purify the water and force weather patterns until they stuck.: The dog's voice sounded in everyone's heads. :The combination of Fireborn powers, Thu'um and spells for purification and creation certainly helped, as did Quentin's scientific abilities. Between him and that Moira girl Megaton had products that made even those in Tenpenny Tower envious, and they couldn't really do what they had planned because we used the bomb on the Enclave.: His jaw dropped in a canine laugh.
Another pony, this one a pale blue pegasus snorted in amusement. "And here I thought there were fewer stories like that, though that said, I remember once I looped into the place of Captain Geary, which was interesting, since we started facing summary death." He paused, sipping his drink. "I've talked to Geary, normally he tries to get everyone back the slow way since it's safer. Fortunately I had Angel and the Angelwing available, so we sent her over to the enemy fleet, shut down their targeting and combat systems, then I ordered my fleet to push straight for the jump gate, got back to alliance space a lot quicker and with Angel around, we found the other group of aliens pretty fast, she was able to disable their tricks and we sued for peace. Got it too, once we revealed how the entire group had been played."
Applejack tapped her chin with a hoof. "Well, Ah think mah best one might've been when Ah was in the Kingdom Hearts Loop, and Ah replaced Aqua."
Sunset Shimmer blinked. "Really? I've never actually Looped to that part of the timeline. How did that go for you?"
"At the time, Ah didn't think Ah was doin' anything major. Ah just asked Ventus why he left home, an' he told me that the boy in the mask told him to find Terra. An' when we met up in Radiant Garden, Ah told Terra that he needed to come back to the Land of Departure 'cause Ah was suspicious of Xehanort. And then Ah told him that the masked boy sent Ventus to find him." She smiled. "Amazing what just askin' a few questions can do. It didn't take long before we realized that Xehanort was running us 'round in circles and manipulatin' all of us, an' before you knew it, we'd foiled all his plans by just not goin' to that graveyard."
"So, you fixed the problems of the whole baseline...by doing nothing? Except asking a few questions?" Sunset looked incredulous at this.
"Nearly every bad thing that happened in that Loop was his fault. All we had to do was be honest with each other, an' we stopped everythin' bad from happening."
"Wow." Sunset removed a notebook from her pocket, and began writing in it. "The next time I Loop back into Kingdom Hearts, I'll be sure to tell this to Sora and the others."
"Not sure if you need to. Ah think Xehanort was usin' some kind of Suggestion spell to push those two boys into following the rails of his scheme. 'Course, since Ah'm the Element of Honesty, that kind of spell doesn't work on me, so it didn't take that long ta notice somethin' was off about the whole thing. Ah think any Looper worth their salt would notice the road apples he was layin', even if he didn't use any mind-control magic in the baseline."
Fluttershy shrank into herself even more than usual. "I managed to mess up the Barrayaran Empire pretty badly. I was doing Miles' Academy entrance exam and took my time and was very careful during the physical fitness portion..."
Ivory Scroll said, "The loop I derailed most thoroughly? When Dr. Fetus abducted my boyfriend, I called in OSHA. They shut him down after taking one look at his factory."
Applejack dryly asked, "Oh! Is that loop why you were deathly afraid of salt for a while? Anyway, once I was in a loop loosely based on our admins. In this variant, Wotan had the worst head for money I've ever heard of - and yes, I've seen my baseline. When the loop started, he'd already bought an enormous sky palace from two giants, with no down payment, no regular source of income, and me - his sister-in-law - as collateral. Without my permission. And moreover, I gave all of our family and friends our immortality."
A pause while that sunk in.
"Yeah. So anyway, I married both of them and sent a golden-apple care package home every few days. Also, we had to go keep Alberich from taking over the world, but by then the plot rails were out of sight."
Rarity coughed. "You married Fasolt and Fafnir for a loop that's a few hundred years long?"
Applejack snorted. "Memory charms worked for a while. Then Fafnir got himself cursed by Alberich. Once the Rhine maidens had drowned him, it was just me and Fasolt. He was actually all right."
119.7 (Masterofgames)
Lyra, Lyra, Lyra, Lyra, and a sweet roll all sat in their designated places around the meeting table. Lyra Classic tapped her hoof against it. "I now call this meeting of The Increasingly Confusing Council of Lyra's Head to order! Roll call..."
"No."
"Aw, please?"
"No, we can all count, and we all know each other. We're all here. Get on with it."
"Ugh, fine. First order of business, who is in charge this time? Please note we are a code 7 this time, a seapony in disguise."
Human Lyra raised her hand with a grin. "My turn! I've never been in charge while we were a seapony before! This should be fun!"
Seapony Lyra shrugged. "Just watch the instincts and you should be fine."
Classic nodded. "Any objections? ... No? Okay then next on the agenda, cake."
Seapony Lyra grinned. "Are we all still in agreement that we are getting a piece of the MMMM at any cost this loop?"
Science Lyra nodded. "No question! We've never so much as smelled the thing before! How can we replicate it for BonBon's birthday if we don't have even the slightest clue what it tastes like!?"
"I agree. We know the damage can be fixed before the contest anyway, so overall, no harm done." Classic Lyra declared sagely.
"Um... I just like cake." Human Lyra shrugged.
"..." said the sweet roll.
Human Lyra blushed. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it!"
"... Right, most of the rest of the schedule is routine stuff, but there is one last thing here. Twilight's offer of Alicornhood."
Science Lyra sighed and slumped over the table. "Look, we all know what you're thinking. It SHOULD merge us all. But what SHOULD happen, and what WILL happen, are not always the same! Case in point, the elephant in the room." she frowned, gesturing to the head of the table.
The table that, prior to Twilight's offer, not HAD a head of the table.
And most tellingly, the brand new, Alicorn sized empty chair that had appeared at it, awaiting its owner.
119.8 (Dalxein)
The guard looked confused as Twilight began walking away, leaving her friends to enter for the Gala. "You're... not coming in?"
"Oh, no. I gave away my ticket." She said offhoofedly, barely turning back to respond.
"But... you're Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia's private student. You don't need an invitation. You could just... go to the gala, if you want."
Twilight turned back to stare at the guard, her friends blinking inquisitively off to the side as she tilted her head and her mane began to frazzle.
Somewhere, off in the distance, a goat bleated.
119.1 continued (Kris Overstreet)
And the Rest Loop: The Ticket Master
Twilight stood and watched with a twitching eyebrow as Applejack and Rainbow Dash hoofwrestled for the never-to-be-sufficiently-damned-to-Tartarus tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala. The Gala itself was about fifth or sixth on the list of Parts of the Baseline Twilight Absolutely Hates; the day Celestia actually sends the tickets ranked second on that last, only marginally worse than Tirek blowing up the library but nothing like as bad as the Want-It, Need-It incident. When in a good mood she'd play along just enough to find something amusing in Canterlot, without re-enacting the original, horrible, no-good, very worst night ever. Now, when she wanted peace, quiet, and familiar, comfortable things- and nothing else... not a chance.
She'd tried just giving Applejack and Rainbow Dash one ticket each before; that worked out even worse than baseline, with her other three close friends resorting to bribery, deceit and theft to get the tickets for themselves. One Loop things had become so bad between them that Twilight had been forced to cancel the Gala altogether... by blowing up Celestia's castle. She'd spent the rest of that loop on the Moon, with time off to deal with Discord and for weddings... but at least her friends made up during her trial.
Twilight was about to set the tickets on fire and give Rote Speech #2G (Nobody is Going to the Gala and I am Sorely Disappointed in All of You) when the Mayor's carefully cultivated voice said, "Oh, Twilight Sparkle, there you are!"
"Yes, Ivory- er, Ms. Mayor?" Twilight replied, glad to take her eyes off two of her closest friends being total idiots for the (vague eight or nine figure number here)th iteration.
"Yes, I've just been catching up on some paperwork regarding your transfer of residency to Ponyville," Ivory Scroll said. "You know, of course, that Ponyville recently adopted the Sweethaven tax code?"
Warning bells rang in the back of Twilight's mind. Sweethaven... I know that- oh, no... "You mean the Commodore's Code? But that was repealed!"
"Ah, so I don't need to explain it to you," Ivory Scroll smiled. "So, let me just go over the charges: departure of residency tax from Canterlot... beginning of residency tax in Ponyville... are you renting a home here, by the way?"
"You know I'm not!"
"Lack of residency tax," Ivory nodded, checking off a scroll that kept unwinding longer and longer as the mayor kept listing itemized charges. "Habitation of a public building tax... magic tax, progressive according to power ranking of unicorn... keeping of pet parenthesis dragon close parenthesis tax... keeping of hazardous materials parenthesis dragon close parenthesis tax... opening public building, service or accommodation tax... er, is the library open at the moment?"
"No, Spike and I are both here."
"Closing public building, service or accommodation tax," Ivory continued.
"Look, doesn't my stipend from Princess Celestia cover-"
"Special stipend income tax..."
"I guess not." Twilight sighed. "Look, just let me see the bottom line, all right?"
Ivory showed the final amount to Twilight, who gawped. If she went to Smoky Mountain in about, oh, three weeks and stole the not-yet-arrived dragon's hoard, that might cover it... almost.
"Since there are prolonged hearings and court procedures regarding the garnishment of royal stipends," Ivory Scroll continued, "the township of Ponyville shall settle for the seizure of all your possessions of real value. As of this moment, according to our best understanding, those consist of two exclusive tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, correct?"
"I thought that's where all this was headed," Twilight sighed.
"Then I shall be taking those tickets," the mayor continued, "and in three days I shall auction them off, the proceeds to fund public works in and around Ponyville." She reached over to Spike, who held the tickets in his claws, and took them in her teeth, carefully depositing them in her saddlebags.
"HEY!" Applejack and Rainbow Dash broke up their hoofwrestling match and dashed over to the mayor.
"You cain't take our friend's property like that!" Applejack drawled.
"That's right!" Rainbow Dash agreed. "Those tickets belong to mmmmm, er, my friend Twilight Sparkle!" She snugged herself up next to Twilight and added, "Isn't that right, old buddy, old pal?"
"I'm afraid she can," Twilight sighed. "I'm sorry, girls. I know how much each of you wanted to go."
"It's not a total loss," Ivory Scroll added. "You could always buy one of the tickets at auction in three days' time." Putting the tax bill back in her bags, the mayor turned back for town. "Thank you for your cooperation, Twilight dear." With that the mayor trotted off down the road, followed at a distance by Applejack and Rainbow Dash, both with expressions of silent thoughtfulness.
Twilight waited for all three to go over the hill and out of sight before she let the evil, evil smile show on her face.
That evening, after the scheduled rainstorm, Twilight sat in the library's reading room, sipped some tea from her cup, and read to the delightful sounds of a Ponyville mob growing ever more disgruntled by the minute. Sweet, sweet music.
For a moment the muffled sound of shouting angry ponies became much less muffled as the front door swung wide open; it slammed shut again an instant later, and after a couple of tables and one of the mobile bookshelves was shoved in front of it the sounds became muffled again.
"Er, Twilight Sparkle," Ivory Scroll said nervously, "it appears that the ratification of the Sweethaven tax code had some, er, legal irregularities which renders the tax bill you owe-"
"You're here to give the tickets back, aren't you?" Twilight said calmly, turning a page of her book.
"PLEASE!" Ivory cried, falling to her knees and crawling to Twilight, forehooves clenched together in supplication. "At least two-thirds of Ponyville is after those tickets or my dead body or both!"
"Your dead body?" Twilight asked, apparently unconcerned.
"I may have let slip that I meant to keep one of the tickets for myself," Ivory Scroll admitted. "You know, rig the sealed bidding."
"Oopsie," Twilight smirked. "Possibly you shouldn't have used your outside-the-head voice for that. I have that problem sometimes."
"It was Derpy!" the mayor cried. "Sweet, innocent, non-Awake Derpy! Who would have imagined she was that desperate to see Princess Celestia and get Dinky Doo a shot at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns?" The mayor stared over her pince-nez at Twilight with terror-filled eyes. "And when you've lost Derpy Hooves, Twilight, take it from a pony who knows, you've lost all of Ponyville."
"Gee, that's sad," Twilight said. "And yet... not my problem." She turned her attention back to her book.
"PLEASE, Twilight, you HAVE to help me!!"
"Not my circus, not my ponies."
"I'll do ANYTHING!" Ivory sobbed.
Twilight took a deep breath and smiled. Time to end the suffering. "I want you to write a thousand times, 'I will not use my phenomenal bureaucratic powers for personal gain.' And I want a new public library built on the other side of town from this tree before Tirek escapes. Promise?"
"Yes! Yes!!" Ivory gasped. "Just please get me out of this mess!" After a moment she added, "And if it's at all possible, leave me with a decent chance of re-election."
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "I thought you enjoyed the occasional escape from your duties."
"I don't enjoy the humiliation of losing an election!" Ivory raised a hoof to her throat, gulped, and added, "Or my head!"
Twilight shrugged, then raised her voice. "SPIKE! Come here, please, I need you to take a letter!"
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that it's not a good idea to use public authority for your own purposes, even if your intentions are good. You'll only end up making yourself look bad- to say nothing of the government which you represent. Only by being fair and impartial can a public servant gain the trust and friendship of the people she works with.
On a related note, I strongly urge that the entire Ponyville district be issued invitations to the Grand Galloping Gala, in order to maintain the peace and to uphold the civil authority. I know Canterlot Castle won't hold all of Ponyville in comfort, so I will spend my free time over the next six months winnowing out those ponies whose interest in the Gala is only tangential to other unrelated affairs. I ask that you help me in this by being available to such ponies as I send to you for personal interviews.
If you could please respond at once so I can prevent our mayor from being ridden out of town on a rail, I would really appreciate it.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
P. S. Send the tickets quick- they're bringing up a battering ram and I don't think the bookshelves will hold! - Spike
The more experienced courtiers at the Day Court had cleared the room long before Celestia finished reading Twilight's letter. They'd seen that manic grin on the princess's face in the past and knew it meant nothing good for somepony or other. None of them wanted to be that somepony.
Without bothering to cancel court, Celestia dashed off her throne, galloped across the castle to Luna's tower, and crashed into her sister's bedchamber. "Lulu, Lulu, guess what?" she grinned, giggling in excitement.
Luna raised a sleepy head. Her mane still hadn't recovered its magical luster, and the pillow hadn't helped matters either. "Sister, what are you talking about?"
"Six months from now," Celestia chortled, "we are going to have the Best. Night. EVER!!!"
119.9 (Dalxein)
Twilight landed in Ponyville as per usual. She'd gotten a few pings with a couple elements active, but was going to play it mostly baseline unless someone else had a plan. That's when she heard it growing progressively louder.
"...nopenopenopenopenope..."
Galloping up from the outskirts of town, Chrysalis, not even hiding her real form, ran right into Twilight. "Wait, what's going on!?" The anchor yelled, especially since she was now being hugged tightly to the larger queen.
"No time." The changeling frantically replied. "Just trust me on this. You'll thank me later!"
She then teleported the both of them both into the center of the sun, where the loop abruptly ended.
Several loops later, Twilight found Queen Chrysalis sitting in Mac's Bar the day after the Summer Sun Celebration. Sitting down next to the already-drinking changeling who was circled by full drinks and yet more empty ones, she remarked, "Well, it's later. Why should I thank you for the last time we were both Awake?"
Not wanting to beat around the bush, Chrissie chugged the rest of her drink and replied "The drones were replaced by Kyubey. All of them. All of the Kyubeys."
Okay. Not a bad reason. But still... "What!?"
Chrysalis visibly shuddered. "Yeeeeah, they acted mostly like normal changelings before the loop started, but then they were all awake and... Haha, no." She shook her head vigorously. "Noooo nonono." She took a swig from a new drink and sighed. "I'm sorry, by the way."
After sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Twilight nodded. "Apology accepted. I'm still a tad miffed about being flash-fried, though."
With a chuckle, the queen pushed one of her full glasses toward the princess. "I'll buy your drink?"
Her brow wrinkled as she asked, "Does Mac even charge for drinks?" It'd been so long since he'd started the bar that she was honestly not sure what its original policies might have been.
"You wanna ask?" At least Chrysalis was smiling again.
"Buck no. My tab must be astronomical by now if he does."
The stallion in question, at the far side of the bar cleaning a glass, nodded to himself as he watched the two laughing. Times like these reminded him why he started this bar in the first place.
119.10 (fractalman)
Twilight Starburst Pegasus Twilight Unicorn Twilight Princess Pony Twilight Twilight Sparkle, Sparkling Twilight Vampire awoke, checked her loop memories, and head-desked until she was unconscious.
All the Twilights.
119.11 (Hubris Plus)
The Lyras' mutual mindscape had been undergoing renovations recently. A Loop spent at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp under the tutelage of Raz had been just what they needed to do some serious remodeling. It was well worthwhile, if only to give the personalities not piloting something to do besides watch and offer commentary. It had also allowed them to make larger changes, such as the experiment in collaborative control they were in the midst of.
"Status of the vessel?" Miscellaneous Lyra asked. The view screen was taken up by a large chunk of pink, oozing crimson from cleanly sliced edges.
"Heavily damaged, Captain," their human self answered from the coms station. "Only sixteen percent of the vessel remains intact. They are not responding to our hails."
"Ma'am, I recommend the destruction of the remainder. That... It's no way to live," the security seapony reported solemnly.
"Noted and denied, officer," the captain responded. "Lock on tractor beam and open hangar doors. Bring them in."
"Acknowledged," Unicorn responded from engineering. "Hangar bay open and spell matrices charged. Ready when you are."
"Engage!" Miscellaneous ordered. "Don't worry, councilor Sweet Roll. We won't leave your people out in the cold."
Meanwhile, in Reality:
Lyra poked at her slice of cake a few times, causing the raspberry filling to squirt out past the pink frosting. After a long moment of blank faced contemplation, her mouth opened wide while her horn glowed. The pastry was lifted off the plate and shoved unceremoniously into the unicorn's maw.
"Sometimes," Bon-Bon said as she witnessed the spectacle. "I worry about what goes on in that head of yours."
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That last loop...
Why do the Loopers not have shrinks?
Are we going to see John Geary? Because I love the lost Fleet series and it would be awesome to see him in Equestria.
119.1: Good plan!
119.2: Aw, poor Bruce.
119.3: Good plan tht.
119.4: Entertaining awkwardness
119.5: Hmm...probably both.
119.6: Dunno I'd call it little.
119.7: Minds I'd think..
119.8: ...eh?
119.9: Exceptionally so.
119.10: And Baby
119.11: Tasty dessert
Considering Discord at his most normal is a crazy chimeric creature, point very much taken. As for that rendition of Prince Ali? GENIUS!
Bruce is a colt of many talents, but everpony got a breaking point.
119.11
I guess they wouldn't... dessert the cake.
119.8
119.5
*spits out drink*
What?
... You know, between Geary, Honor and the various Trek-verse loopers, there can be quite an interesting captains table at Mac's bar.
>There Was a Freak solar flare that happened
Dat Capitalization
5045288 It was mentioned in a previous chapter
>> .11
Suddenly I'm reminded very strongly of the movie Dave.
And I still say just ONE Loop replacing Jack Sparrow would fix her wagon in a... heartbeat. Ba dum tss. Okay sorry, bad pun.
...oh. Psychonauts.
oh, that made me think of an old comic called "crushed" that was on the old website "supermegatopia" (now gone): a rag-tag group of heroes in a game-themed world burned down a mansion of monsters instead of fighting them the usual way. "isn't this cheating?" "yes, but they would have cheated too."
oh, that made me think of the "death gate cycle" books: the king and queen of two neighboring kingdoms got married, but pretended to hate each other, so all the people who were planning Coups would try to play them off against each other!
8502468
I remember that, it all came to a head at the point that the problems of the world got fixed and they told people the truth. You don't get to see the faces on the nobles but they must have been priceless.
I know this is sorta off-topic, but I'm shaking my head in disbelief at the collapse that Bethesda is going through over Fallout 76.
Not that they are finally collapsing, mind; it was only a matter of time with their track record of releasing buggy games made from an old engine that they refuse to fix. No, it's everything they've done after the release of such a game. and how many times they've shot themselves in the foot over the past few months.
Hell, at this point, I'm really starting to wish that all the major 'Triple A' publishers would just GO AWAY. Jim Sterling is so right.
I swear, Scott Cawthon needs to put an extra in where you can call in a nuke and run away while at the pizzeria.
Ahhhhh Lost Fleet! Makes this SciFi nerd happy.
Pinkie is sugar incarnate!!! This is insanely terrible for her!!
Now that I think about it lyra is basically the concept of inside out but with personalities instead of emotions that would make a funny loop
oh, this reminds me of a minor character in "the adventure zone", who NEVER said ANYTHING but "Davenport."
even his "character sheet" in the background of his first appearance said "Race: Davenport. Class: Davenport"!
his job was operating the big machine that the "bureau of balance" used to destroy the dangerous "grand relics" after the main heroes found them.
Can someone please explain why a sweet roll of all things is in lyras head . I really don't remember reading about a sweet roll personality being there or how it came to be
11817299
It got explained in a drinking game about the mirror portal. Pinkie's entry was that she'd shoved the Wabbajack staff from the Elder Scrolls games through it and opened fire at random.
Lyra was Awake as her human counterpart and got hit and turned into a sweet roll.