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A lone Imperial frigate that made a blind jump into hyperspace winds up over Equestria. Under the command of a lone Sith, they decide to explore the planet, only to be dragged into the planets affairs.
Star Wars/MLP crossover. I OWN NOTHING!
Chapters 1-10 Edited by Miss Dark Angel
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Gief Cover Art! Naow!
1835611 I got an artist making one.
Not bad at all! Just a little tip, you may want to make it easier to read by spacing out paragraphs is all
1835754 Thanks!
needs human tag
1835757 oops thanks for reminding me.
Didn't read, seen the word Star Wars, liked and favorited. 10/10, would clop again.
Also, a little too many "okays"
1835797 I'll keep any repetition in mind for future editing. Thanks!
Doing good. The only thing I'd fix is the huge gap.
Which is mostly for my blame, but I did that in case you wanted to keep the picture in. But that spacing can easily be taken out since you decided not to.
Ships don't have hallways, they have passageways or corridors.
1835976 lol derp on my part, and i call myself a a Star Wars fan. lol.
Anyway it fixed.
ok lets see a repeating line
had invited her friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders to watch the meteor shower alongside her, and all of them had invited her friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders to watch the meteor shower alongside her, and all of them had invited her friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders to watch the meteor shower alongside her, and all of them had invited her friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders to watch the meteor shower alongside her, and all of them
1836441 oops lol big thanks!
Are they going to happen to have the same language somehow?
1837258 lol
1837302Well, are they?
1837336 yep, .
I LIKE I LIKE!
Quick question: are the imperials going to shoot the ponies or shoot somthing moar evil?
1837340Also, is this the Galactic Empire, or one of the later Empires from the EU?
>Not my best work.
Oh you
I NEED MOOOOOAAAAAAAAAR
THE WALL OF TEXT! IT BURNS!
oooooooooooooooooooh hell yeah
yea needs to be spaced out a bit. paragraphs should be seperate from dialog and events such as looking around should be next to said dialog.
just needs a bit of rearranging and I can read this. if chapter 3 comes out with this problem fixed I'd even do a bit of reviewing for you if i like it :P
1847954 Why do I smell a "Star Wars: The Forced Unleashed" reference?
1853438 I can sense it!
1853463
1853485 lol
1853555 funniestcorner.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/whats_so_funny_speckcase-p176628846937797728z8z6x_400-400x300.jpg
:3
1853561
This formating got REALLY odd man. Fix it?
It seems that despite how you spaced out the paragraphs, some sentences got cut off into its own paragraph. They are all obvious, and you can just go back and click them back to where they belong. The format of this story really doesn't seem to get along with you at all.
Hopefully, you can get something sorted out eventually.
1854434>>1854120 ok thanks, tomorrow i will fix it!!!!!
ending was terrible...
suddenly...danger
meh now I just don't like it :/
1858775 umm not really that's pretty much how someone would react to the approach of a sith. Its not even danger. Just the entry of a powerful being.
1858775 I mean dark and dangerous describes most sith lol.
please try not to rush things in the story and give it good pacing if you can so far good
1871297 Thanks and i will try.
teal writing is a little hard to read without a dark background
1871719 oops lol I think I might need to change that.
Awww crap rebels... Can you swiftly murder them and never speak of them again? Empire 4 Life Yo!
1871886 For the Empire!
1871969
4.bp.blogspot.com/-CWbrUV0TCS4/UJFFwX7_rKI/AAAAAAABK5k/MioDsjkqGhM/s1600/fp2529-star-wars-empire-needs-you-poster.jpg
1871998 AWESOME!
1871998>>1872058 FUCK THE REBELS AND THE EMPIRE AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1873465 But out of those two?
1873469 oh god... i... well depends on the situation give me a few situations and ill answer either rebels or empire
1873600 hmmm how about this situation in story?