I had a stressful weekend at work and went out shooting to blow off some steam. The energy of the woods felt weird but it always does, little did I know.....
(This is a fan fiction with me as the main character, may include swear words you have been warned. And yes I know some poeple think self inserts are a horrible idea but atleast this a pony on Earth fan fic instead right?)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm... it seemed a bit disjointed at times, but I can definitely see potential in it. I'll keep my eye on this one.
1224421 Disjointed?
1224944
the flow between narrative and conversation seems a bit... forced in some cases.
1224950 Hmm....I'll try to work on that then
Good story... but it's pretty confusing in some sections... it got potential though, will follow it.
Pretty good but.... yeah. The way the sentence structuring is made is a little off putting.
Like for example: I walked down the path 'This is fuckin' creepy' I thought. "Why am I walking around in the woods this dark out again?" I said to myself.
Sorry if it's a bad example. I hope I made a little sense.
Also more detailed description of the happenings around them would be nice. Sometimes it feels like things just happen.
1226470 *sigh* I'll re-read it and see if I can fix anything
1226491 Anything you want, master.
1225422>>1226470>>1224421 I unpublished it and I'll republish it after some changes are made
1226652 Better.
You + are = You're
I know I have a thing for dialog. If it bothers you sorry but I don't plan on any action-y fantasy type things in this story.
Going pretty good so far. I like stories with average everyday life with ponies thrown into the mix, rather than that forced story villain shit.
Nice improvement's
1236499 thank you kindly
Another quality chapter. Good job.
1259301 Thanks
I know short chapter but I ran out ideas
Chill and sit back. Listen to some music, take a walk and get some air. Remind yourself about where you are and where you would like to go with this story. And then let inspiration hit you in the face like a wet sack of fresh caught Mackerel.
Take your time, you got misspellings all over the place.
1266832 I may take that advice, thank you
Nice story Zeta
1326619 Thank you
1327952 Yeah that was my attempt at comedy. Glad you thought it was funny
Really enjoying the way you're taking this story so far. Keep it up!
Might want to consider picking up a pre reader to clean up some of the grammer/punctuation, though.
1394230 Or I could just try to slow down and pre read everything myself
And thank you. Glad you're liking it so far
Actually, we do have a bird called the phoenix which nests in the ashes of fires
Hmmm... pony + infinite internet access = bad
1409403 Good thing Twilight so concentrated on research, huh? lol
Great chapter! I can't wait for MOAR!
this makes me want to make bread with cinnamon instead of flour
Dude this is a awesome story. i don't care if you inserted yourself into it. it's still funny. keep up the good work!
1851646 Dude That's awesome! Thanks!
I was going to say i could help you by being your editor but sometimes i notice the readers that comment do that already. Great story though!
1852875 Yeah getting positive feedback helps a lot
Loving it. Its a great story so far. I normaly dont like PoE (Ponies On Earth. Not sure if I made that up or if it already exists XD) I'm normaly into HiE fics but this one has my attention
O3O
Nice story
1933176 Thanks
brilliant. still liking it
XD Ill make her sleep in the barn
love the last sentance
I can already guess what twilight finds on the internet
Um let me check....nope.
hilarious. 
hahahaha! you put in Seth from your "Ezekiel" series
loved that part. Will we be seeing a sequel sometime?
1933693 Not planning on it. Sorry.
1933825
awww to bad.