Fluttershy is about to find perhaps one of the strangest creatures ever set foot in the Ever Free Forest and Twilight Sparkle can barely contain her curiosity about it .
Meanwhile on earth, Josh is just your average college student, on a day like any other he finds himself eating an oatmeal cookie one moment, and falling down a dark chasm the next. He awakens to find himself in a strange world filled with strange creatures, naturally he does what any other sane person would do in the same situation; he tells himself that it is all just a dream. Needless to say Josh may be in for one hell of a rude awakening.
This is my First fanfic, I would appreciate constructive criticism on it as I am a first time writer. The story in Equestria doesn't really get started until the second chapter.
....those walls of text.
One person speaking a paragraph. Then I can read it.
Human in Equestria Fic (from what I can tell): going to get downvotes for that from some people.
Possessive vs shortened:
It's means it is.
Its is possessive.
For example.
It's should be its.
Thoughts should be italicized. Not in quotations.
Proper nouns need to be capitalized.
(Just personally wondering but why is it always a Manticore a human has to meet up with first)
Humans are closer related to chimps, but I guess I could let that slide.
Also, you see that key on your keyboard that reads "Enter"? That key is your friend. Start using it.
i see many mistakes, but you got a good idea and if you can get these problems fixed, this would be a hella cool story. My suggestion, get a pre-reader. with help, this will be a great story. Good luck with this, and if you need any help, let me know. Hope I can actuely help you out.
-Vortex out
1494039 Thank you for the pointers, I will get to work on fixing the grammar and stylistic mistakes in the text of chapter one. I've not typed anything resembling a story in years so I am quite happy to make changes to fix this one up. Guess it's time to dust off the writer's handbook.
1494260 Thank you for the support, I'm not sure if I can get a good pre-reader though being in the college of sciences I don't cross paths with anyone in the liberal arts department often.
1494041 Thank you for the advice, it will followed.
1495059 anytime bro
Inb4 reading... elongated gorilla?
techcornernsit.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/metro203322010032314084.jpg
Sorry, couldn't resist
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He's a human wearing a black jacket, kinda figured to a pony he'd look like an elongated gorilla because he is much thinner than one but can stand upright.
1495059 - you may want to take a look at the Proofreaders group :]. I am sure you will find somepony who would be willing to help you.
Well, minor spelling errors and formatting aside, this was a rather enjoyable read. Please, do continue!
Cloths are sheets. Clothes are what you wear, unless you actually wear sheets.
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thank you
not bad kid, you're doing great for your first story. Ofcourse, there's always room to improve, but, you seem to be starting nicely. Much better than my first story. A few words were miss used and are quit noticable, but, they are still minor mistakes. You got skill kid. Keep up the good work.
~Vortex out
Meh, tis ok. Other then what other people have been saying about formatting and spelling it's on the right track.
I do have to say though I just might punch some one if I hear the phrase "Morphine Dream" anytime soon.
Will we be getting a 'Long' Chapter soon?
What is this fic? I like it. ANOTHER!
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thanks guys T_T
1687279 Your story, it is like the crack! MOAR!
What took her so long?
Well gee, Twilight, she only had to treck into a dangerous forest, then haul back a water-logged bag that wasn't designed to be carried by quadropeds. What do you think took so long?
'English' clearly wasn't this guy's best class. If it was, then his college has low standards compared to my own college.
That being said, this fic, while being entertaining so far, has several words incorrectly chosen for the sentencing, and, as with most of the fics I've read lately, also has a problem with punctuation including periods, commas and colons. ( . , : )
If you don't have an editor, I politely suggest that you find one, and if you do have one, fire him/her, and get a new one.
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I've not taken an English class or written an essay in two years
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Oh, I wasn't blaming you. Just him.
No real biggie. I'm not perfect either. If I was, there'd be nothing to strive for.
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so in the meantime I've been working on a certain background pony's diary entries and trying to set up a story line.
Actually one of the reasons that I have been putting off writing Twilight Sparkle's diary entries is that I don't think I have the English language skills to pull it off properly. I'm trying to line up an editor for that