My writing slowly improves, I believe. I hope to be an even better writer tomorrow. Feel free to join my Discord.
Waking up as a strange alien bug was certainly not something Thornton ever expected to happen. And yet, that was just the circumstance he found himself in when he and his family awoke one morning with strange new bodies in a strange new world.
Now they're hoping to find their way home, but is home a place they can get back to? And if so, is home a place they want to return to?
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Yay! New story! Wooooooo!
Well that was a nice start!
I swear, every time I see abbreviations, I assume that it is made up for the story. The fact that I have seen the letters "ROTC" again in such a short span made me realise it is not made up.
It is pretty jarring to see some random letters put together without prior explanation, expecting people to know what that means when they are not in the US.
More good
Nice seeing the story posted.
11680404
Some people just forget that things that are common here aren’t universal
Interesting start
I wanna see where it goes :-)
11680581
11680404
You're communicating on the internet superhighway. Just google it.
11680404 My dude. My bro. My dude bro. Google is right there. At your fingertips. In the time it took you to complain, you could have googled it..
The majority of the English-speaking audience on the web in general are Americans. Yet I know what you mean by lorry, flat, lift, NIHS, AA, MIs 1 through 6, and plenty more. It's not hard to know what the people across the pond mean with their silly letters, and it's incredibly rude to demand they grind the story to a halt to explain something the majority of readers already know, and that everyone else can google ON THE THING THEY ARE READING THE STORY WITH.
God, I've always wanted to write something like this. The concept of not just one person, but a family getting sucked into Equestria is just so appealing! I can't wait to see where you go with thhhis!
Let's hope it actually gets updated weekly
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Cool, a update.
This story has caught my interest and I find it reasonably well written.
My only feedback here is that, as a rule of thumb, whenever you want to use an acronym or abbreviation that is not of obvious interpretation (such as Mr. or Mrs.), use its full meaning and then its acronym or abbreviations, but only if it is something that is going to be repeated throughout the story.
As an example, the line:
Should had be:
Or, if this information is going to be used many times throughout the story, then you as the author should inform your readers that an acronym or abbreviations will be used from then on.
Trust me, you don't want your comment section to be littered with -"What does this mean?" comments answered by "Just Google it" comments- distracting from a more meaningful conversation.
11680735
Progress for now:
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/895840913140621342/1146530072652697722/image.png
Obscure old shout out.
Gerald Durrel. My Family Are Other Animals?
Love that cover art. I'll definitely have to give this a read in the morning.
This is intriguing.
Not often that I see an image cover of this quality for a starting story - with a pretty good writing too.
11681224
I try the best I can, and with each new story, I get better than I was before.
After thinking it over we got a dragon mom and unicorn dad ; we got unicorn daughter and kirin son.. is Thornton adopted?
Weird how the parents are just totally doormatting all responsibility to the kids.
11681528
thats just parents dawg
11681528
Father must comfort daughter, and Reece actively took the responsibility of leadership (and also Reece is like 20 years old)
11681036
you can set update dates?
didn't know that about this website
11680404
Come on, travel broadens the mind. But if you can't travel, then you can at least watch. We Americans are frequently exposed to the likes of James Bond, Doctor Who, Space 1999. Haven't you ever seen Star Trek, Law And Order, NCIS, CSI-NY/Miami/LasVegas?
But if you think American English is weird, try visiting Ireland, Scotland, or Wales--especially that last one--they make the French language seem reasonable (and that's saying something, considering the French have the letters "-aux" sounding like "oh").
Well, this story gave me some serious Starscribe vibes just from the description, and then some since you've got the whole genderswap thing going on, too. Not that I wanna accuse you of plagiarism or anything, I can see you're doing your own take on this premise.
I don't think running a family like a military operation is going to go very well, especially when that precludes the lovebug from getting any nourishment. Reece is going to need to be taken down a peg at some point in the future.
11680921
While your point seems genuine and you try to be clear, a lot of that isn't necessary. Most of it should be intuition. Even as someone who's not native American most people know what junior officer training camp is. Acronyms are often used in writing and many different pieces of literature. While your point is clear and you do seem to be honest and trying to help someone grow, it wasn't needed.
I'm enjoying this quite a bit so far. Admittedly, we haven't seem much of the characters yet, but they all seem interesting so far, and I am interested to see how they will continue. Looking forward to reading more.
Wooden wolfies!
Looks like now would be a good time to learn how to create FIRE!
11683506
You forget that there are people that dont know what LoL stands for.
Great, Four incoming but only three have appeared and everyones panicing so much over not being alpha predators in a secured world they cant bring themselves still to believe things can be dangerous?
Flim and Flam are going to Love these guys.
11680921
I mostly agree with your statements but there are two reasons why I disagree.
First there are many times in stories where a character will state abbreviations or words that the reader will not or might not understand.
Usually these things will be explained later but the reader can at least guess at what the purpose was. I don't recall that being done here but still.
Second I have never in my life heard someone not call it 'ROTC' Anyone and everyone I have ever met or walked near who ever mentions it calls it 'ROTC' I didn't know what it was for the first 60 times I heard it. It's now to the point that if I ever heard anyone say "Reserve Officers' Training Corps" I would think they were a spy or something. I'm starting to think anyone in ROTC doesn't even know what it stands for.
I hate abbreviations most of the time. I run into it a lot since I play a bunch of video games and card games and people will be like " I took out EM because SEB was more efficient" and that's BS if you don't know what they are talking about.
11687520
I'm not sure ROTC is universal to every country
11687533
I didn't mean to imply that. I meant that it wouldn't be unreasonable to have some one say 'ROTC' instead of saying the full thing based on my experiences.
( I'm in the middle of reading it right now so I've been under the assumption that it's a character saying it not just the author putting it down or in narration. If it's not a character saying it then, yes it shouldn't have been put in abbreviation at all until it has been established what ROTC is )
11683506
Not true. While I understood it has to do with the military (Plus it says its military a little bit later), I wouldn't been able to understand its meaning if I didn't google it.
They're gonna have to learn to trust each other a lot more. Their bodies are more unique and capable now, so they need to start reacting to 'we should maybe run' a lot more seriously when someone says it. This encounter with timberwolves should be an effective lesson in that regard.
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11687520
What you are referring is the intention. Yes, sometimes the authors hide or withhold information from the reader, but this action carries a purpose, an intention. This intention is usually a big reveal at some future point in the story prepared for the reader. Thus, if there is no paid up moment, depriving the reader of mundane information is a detriment to the enjoyment and understanding of the story that must be avoided, because it is meaningless.
If your excuse is "the character wouldn't say it like that because it would sound weird" (which, if you ask me, is a poor excuse to keep the reader in the dark), my answer is, the author has this wonderful tool called Narrator. The Narrator is THE tool whose sole purpose is to transmit the pertinent and necessary information, which for whatever reason cannot be shared by the characters in the story, so that the reader know what the story is about.
11687516
That should have been four total appearing at the same time, that was just a typo. My bad.
11683506
I also have to disagree. No matter how intuitive something is meant to be it should always be explained at least once before resorting to an acronym. It is literary standard to do so and for good reason. You would be shocked how hard it is to explain simple ideas to a wide audience. Individuals are smart but humanity is stupid. There are always far more people who do not understand something than we expect. Learned that the hard way as soon as I got a technical job.
11681997
This author have pretty good record of keeping the story good and know where to end. I don’t think it will turned out like starscribe’s story
11687520
Counterpoint, literally anyone who isn't American. ROTC is a purely American thing and therefor people who are not from the US likely won't know what it is.
11688241
It didn't matter what the subject was or where it was from. It could have been from the mole people from the planet Krumsh and the words could have been Flarg Klupf Sjuchun and abbreviated FKS. I could care less what the abbreviation was or if the subject is only in America.
I was only pointing out that that particular abbreviation, at least from my experience, had always been used.
It was a simple factoid I pointed out. Like if you were eating Ice cream and I pointed out a random fact about Ice cream.
I never said it was better for the reader. I never said it was universally understood.
I only pointed out that if it was only the character saying it, then it made sense from my personal knowledge for the character to not say or think the full name. The fact that it distracts from the story when you have to eventually Google search the abbreviation if you don't already know the answer was never something I was arguing against. In the end, I agree that if you are going to use abbreviations then you should do something to inform the readers without distracting them from the story.
11688241
I'm from the Philippines. We also had ROTC every Friday when i was in High School. So shut up
11688336
The Philippines was an American Colony,
The next thing that should register should pretty much be
Here, my brother would say, "okay. Make a will save check, DC 17."