Just a new writer trying to express the joy that I get from writing to the readers. (follow me on Twitter: @History_Pone)
John is a RAF pilot, he and a Luftwaffe Pilot, Wolf, crash-land in Ponyville, Equestria nearby a cottage after a intense dogfight over the Cliffs of Dover, they have to put their differences aside in order to return to their world with the help of the Mane 6, but will they overcome their war fueled hate for each other, and stop the war from spilling out onto Equestrian soil?
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Oh boy, this caught my attention. Still too early to commit though. Let's see how this plays out.
An interesting idea and nice to see another history fan
Love the background of the pilot
This will be interesting. Had made a german pilot myself once
Alright. Seems interesting. Though, I highly recommend splitting up these GINORMOUS paragraphs. Readers could easily get lost and/or overwhelmed by them.
The term dogfight has been used for centuries to describe a melee: a fierce, fast-paced close quarters battle between two or more opponents. The term gained popularity during World War II, although its origin in air combat can be traced to the latter years of World War I.
Thank you guys for the replies, I am still fairly new to this so any and all feedback, provided it’s not belittling or demoting, is welcome. I hope you all enjoy what I have in store. I’m already writing drafts for the next chapter, sit tight. It will be here before June, provided nothing goes wrong.
Ohohohoho.
You’ve earned a track and a favourite.
Been thinking about this reading the chapter.
11237275
you're welcome and nice BLackjack avatar!
You have to sell me the Nazi pilot very very well if you want me to think he deserves anything more than a swift execution or jail and eternum.
O the irony the British thinking that
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Trust me, you will
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I hope
Allllrighty. Me likes what me sees. Though, I would recommend rereading it once or twice to make sure your choices with grammar and punctuation are what you want. This box in particular has a few issues.
Nicely done! Heh, now you give me a silly thought
Thanks for your feedback guys! I really appreciate it!
11264841
you're welcome! THe thought, you really wanna know
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Tbh I’m not sure 🤔 I want to know
11265063
its fine thus me asking., was characterwise anyway
Nice fight choreography! The only real critique I have being that the entire 'street level' part of the fight wouldn't happen due to misunderstanding speed scales.
At 300 mph, the entirety of Canterlot going by would be seconds. The fight sequence behaves like they're moving ten times slower (about 30 mph). No sane pilot would descend to the streets because he wouldn't be able to turn a corner, and even an inconvenient clothesline would be game over.
Tactically, the BF109 would also die here because his path is restricted, and the spitfire, bouncing him from above, would have an easy time walking the shots in. (Canyon fights are Hollywood nonsense for that reason.) No amount of jinking with those space restrictions would save the German pilot from a spray of fire. He'd need to phase through a building to get out of the way. BF109s were good planes, but not THAT good.
Still, we can declare that real world physics took a sabbatical the moment they entered Equestria.
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Yeah I personally wasn’t that happy with the street level fight. I only did it because I thought it would add to the action. But now it just seems like it was just a cliche. I’m probably going to re write that part with something else.
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Consider applying larger scale to the fight.
Recruit use of the entire mountain, and bring in consideration for maneuver kills. (Forced to crash by making a piloting mistake. )
Canterhorn presents an opportunity for performance problems due to altitude. Canterlot probably sits a 6000 to 8000 feet msl. The top of the horn is probably 10 to 15 thousand feet. The turning circles of both aircraft will change with that height, and trying to hug the mountain will result in much more pressing concerns for slip.
Plus, high altitude geographic wind turbulence as well as mountain hugging clouds.
A good choreography would likely be a spiral chase from high to low altitude. The chaser will try to shoot the leader, the leader will try to drag the chaser into a dangerous move to force a crash or a break off. The lack of climbing power in either aircraft means that the fight MUST eventually drag down to white tail woods, where they will be stuck in a rate fight right at treetop level, because the first guy to try to get altitude will cede position and get shot.
Quite the chaotic dog-fight.
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This is the second time someone has said they thought of this group's songs, the first one being Bismark, and I have to say I love their music now! Especially this piece, thanks for sharing it, and I hope you enjoy what I have instore for the 2 aces.
I hope to see more of this story. The only complaint I have with it so far is grammar, but that can be let go.
Hope you create more. I'd hate to see this story with a lot of potential to end.
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yeah, grammer isn't my strong point but I am working hard on the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it!
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No problem at all; that's completely understandable, and you bet that I'll enjoy it!
Have many good days to come. Lookin' forward for the next chapter.
nicely done!
1 year lees for the Nazi imprisonment, only 299 remaining
Why yes, you do seem to be knee deep in it.
YES! You're back and with another great chapter.
Nicely done with the new chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
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Iñ worst case, he's a POW
Hey pal, registered to comment on this.
Great work man, very interesting so far. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but for now keep up the low-key comedy, it's my favorite part.
Oh and... The German is a bit... strange. They are direct translations from English, I assume? It doesn't detract that much, and I assume it won't be a major story part, so I won't go in depth.
But... If you do intend on using it more in your story, I really recommend getting someone to proofread the German.
New chapter LES GOOOOOOO. Also, good german.
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Thanks for the feedback! I am really glad you like the humor. And my German isn’t mine it’s google translate simply because I don’t know anyone who is fluent in the language to help me. I also don’t plan to have him speak German much longer (magic). I think you’ll like what I have in store for him.
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Yeah I thought as much.
While I was trying to restrain myself, now that you're teasing me I must ask you to write faster, as I now really cannot wait ;)
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Most of the allies weren't that great either but rebuilding from scrap with democracy as blueprint and give laverage power to women by putting them into production line help them become 'free world' as today.
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Men, my great grandfathers were slaved by the fascist, my grandfathers and grandmothers lived in poverty and persecution , my mother was threatened with jail and worse for speaking up , I live in a continuist regime of that hell.And do you know what the Allies were doing? Making military bases in my soil and paying that same fascist. Don't ask me for what I can't give.
If that guy go back. I hope he will be in western side of germany.
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If I offended you that was not my intent. I just wanted to tell a story. I am very sorry to hear about what happened to your family and the hardships you and they faced. I live in the states so I have never experienced something like that.
Once again I am very sorry if I offended you with my fic.
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No, you didn't do anything wrong. Sorry for my outburst. I'm sure you can make a good fic with this premise .
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That's ok, water under the bridge
fuckin a, took us long enough to get to the pony content
alright
now we're talking
now we just need to find out if Rainbow Dash is fine and this fic'll have stuck the landing
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“Stuck the landing” I see what you did there i2.wp.com/rjwriting.ink/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/img_9513-962320592-1627747488382.png?fit=1999%2C1121
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didn't mean to do that, but i'll take it
also, while i have your ear, is Dash fine?
so Dash is fine, if only just
i await the next chapter
nice work, german is good too, save for some minor things