This is the story of the journey of one young man.
After he is transported to another world filled with talking ponies and other creatures, he finds himself both struggling against his trouble past and trying to make friends.
Will he survive? Will he adapt and start a new life for himself?
There's only one way to find out. (This is my first pony related story so please go easy on me, also contains language.)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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well I likes it so far
except for the capitals ure fine like "I"
still u get a moustache for first effort
this whole series sucked in the beginning but its getting better ,i like it now
569545 Well I'm trying and thanks
562777 Thanks I'll be doing some editing and double checks later
You're making gun nuts around the world jealous with your gear sir
573700 Not mine its the character's gear i'm even envious of him lol. The only thing I have of his is the rifle and the pistol
Wow, he really blew up. I hope they somehow become friends. Honestly, I would freak out if a creature I didn't know about was near me.
608097 It's all in the plans and the reason he blew up was because he felt like she thought she was above him and was talking about him like he was an unintelligent being but don't worry they'll be friends soon
That was horrible. I sure hope Rainbow Dash calms down. We don't need her exploding twice out of anger.
610647 Just remember Friendship Is Magic lol everything will be fine i'll just try not to make it to cheesy
Aw man, Ezekiel sure seems to have it rough. I hope he gets better soon.
650705 Chapter 11 is out now go take a look and see how things turned out
Wow, Ezekiel x Fluttershy. Wonder how this'll go...
damn things are gonna get good!
Whoa, I know his parents were quite cruel, but I still don't see how this warrants revenge. I'd say using the Elements of Harmony on them would be a better and nonviolent option.
658712 Your comments sometimes give me ideas on the different ways the story could go thank you
Yeah, you're welcome man, anytime.
they did have that comming after ch.1
the ending is so sad
but he did a really good deed
his death wasnt in vain
This is it!! FIRST!!!
i wonder what she will say about his sacrifice...
697319 good idea i going to work on that now
<Rubs temples and places forehead on desk>
Okay, you came to me so I won't hold back here.
Your characters are extremely unlikable in the sense that the parents are like cartoon villains and you MC (of which I assume was a teenager) possibly served in a war or something. I also don't like that he is armed to the teeth right in the beginning. Another thing that bothered me was that the suicide was kinda rushed and had no emotional impact.
I want you to go read the first chapter of my story called Devil's Due. It is very similar to this in the fact the character offs himself right in the beginning. I will read the rest of this story in due time.
805256 No worries man. At that point I was still trying to come up with ideas. I thank you for being honest.
And so began the wall of text.
Three main flaws sorry but cheer up can do better next time.
First: the parents are like stupidly unlikable, not even tastefully so.
I mean for gods sake the father might as well of placed glass in the MC's vagina and molested his sister.
Really the parents didn't seem evil just hard ass motherbuckers.
Second: Your MC he is unlikable and commits suicide it such a poorly worded manner.
Have him take about his life as his contemplates life. Hell give people time to care about him before he offs himself.
Even if you wanted to kill him first chapter you should have elaborated more on how he was going to kill himself.
I mean really no emotion can properly be expressed in two damn lines.
Lastly: Why does he have so much with him?
Damn man Candyland is not a warzone so he shouldn't have so much with him to fight with.
God all that's missing is a shopping cart of ammo being pushed around by a armed support element.
Okay with that review done I am off to spread hope for a better level of HIEs.
I hope you try to improve your future works this was not as bad as some shit I've seen.
817902 Thank you for your input. This was my first story so I basically had no idea how to do things. I tried to do better as the story went on.
Wow. A reference to the original name for derpy. You my friend have impressed me
833152 I hope thats not sarcasm
ok some spelling mistakes and a little rushed but so far so good
893244 Yeah I've been meaning to go over those
893251 yeah the story plot is very well made just a little rushed but keep it up
574175 I have a Glock with red-dot sight
893430 Nice what model?
damn i'd do the same thing if someone treated me like that
woot woot!
Damn!!
mother of god... Fluttershy and Ezekiel sitting in a tree, K-I-L-L-I-N-G. (Zombies reference)
893851 Is good reference! Have some of my vodka. (Nikolai is my favorite character from zombies)
Shadow beasts sound fucking awesome when you put it like that
893899 I thought the idea was alittle out there, I'm glad you like it.
Talk about killfeedin ya know
Damn nice slenderman reference
893906
next story time to read and i read the numbers on the side it said 32.
893998 Finally some got it
GRAMMAR ALERT! GRAMMAR ALERT!
Oh hey a POSITIVE comment! Great story to me!
1852969 Considering this is my first ever fanfiction, that means a lot thanks.
Well.......shit.
893556
I think i would