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[Heavily inspired by Never Too Late by Three Days Grace.]
When Luna dreamwalks and discovers just how much hurt and anger Twilight is hiding, along with a few dark secrets, she feels she must intervene, before Twilight heads down the same path she herself did.
WARNING: First chapter has a suicide attempt, the following chapters are dealing with the aftermath of said suicide attempt.
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i cant believe i'm asking this but will there be more chapters?
-- great story btw
My god... a story with this problems has been in my head for years now and i am not even kidding.
Is that bad?
Do continue if you dont mind i mean...hehehe..
8891972
Indeed! Updates might be a bit sporadic because I have moving plans shortly, but I had to get it out there and on a permanent medium just in case something happens to my computer during the move. And thank you.
really rainblow and miss priss ya gunna pull that shit
8892427
Well they are the two worst characters. So yeah that makes sense for them to be c*nts about this.
twilights family better be brought to heel for their crimes
8893611
Oh I certainly have plans for her family. They might have escaped legal trouble, but they have not escaped a pissed off alicorn.
Nah. You're fine. Well, mostly. Maybe? Definitely! Probably. I could continue with that, but I don't feel like it. So I'm just going to say it felt pretty good to me too.
Must. Not. Dawww. Or. Die. Of. Diabetes! But you make that a very difficult task with this chapter. Already made me cry, though I'm a very emotional kinda guy, so thats not very hard, but says that you did right with this chapter.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh you missed shining also fuckem i would have thrown em to the masses with the words foal fiddlers branded into there hides
I have only one question, what happen to shining?
8895021
You'll see :D
8895003
Nope, his part is coming up later. He doesn't live with his parents, so Celestia and Cadence took care of them first.
Is this the end? i don't mind that it is ... just wanted conformation
this was such a great story to read!
8895127
Not quite. :) Twilight still has a ways to go before she's deemed far enough in recovery.
huzzah justice i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/114/805/Baby-Justice.jpg
dawww
8895275
Nothin like some good ol' fashioned mob justice, huh? :)
8895286
nope nothing like it i got the pitchforks you grab the torches
awww i just want to hug Twi!!
oh and congradulate cadence for her idea and luna s idea heheheheheh love it!!!
More Chapters YAY !
someone call 9 1 1 cause i just got the worst case of twilydaaaawwww syndrome....
pls..
8895003
I bet Cadence will be handling him personally if she hasn't already.
8896318
Oh no.
"Um... 911, yeah one of my loyal readers, yeah I think I broke them they're suffering from fanfiction induced twilydaaaawwww syndrome, please don't arrest me."
camo.derpicdn.net/3e673a6b0f91deb025b346aa74a905ac034ea859?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com%2Fmedia%2Ff%2Frsz%2Fmlfw9477_medium.jpg
more great chapters ... thanks for the amazing story so far.
8892427
Well they fucked
Haha burn him and burn him good
me think twilight need to get some major help if she start to do what I think she doing,
8903423
Indeed! That’s what this whole story is about! Unfortunately recovery from ptsd is a lot of ups and downs. :(
But I promise Twilight will not go unconfronted!
twiliiiggghhttt i think someone in the human world want to spwak to u about thia story...
anon-a-miss wants her sad points back to her plssss....
jut kidding im loving this fic and her recovery..get well soon twi...
kinda like the new friend...Pearl shine yeah i like her..
keep going!
8903699
Thank you!
I'm glad you like it so much!
This was just a random idea at first and now I've gotten all this, and I've even got a few other chapters drafted up.
Warriors, or as known to us germans "Warrior Cats". I absolutely loved the first two seasons.
8904051
Same! I read up to the most recent two series, and then the origins one, it got a bit ridiculous later on but they were really good for being children's books.
Shouldn't this be The Book of Ice and Fire, at least thats what it says on my ten books. Also Lord of the Reins...
8904056
Ah! Shit you're right! I gave up on the actual books so long ago I forgot they aren't actually called Game of Thrones!
And don't you facehoof my ponyfied names, I'm bucking brilliant (jk, I know they're cringy lmao)
still a great job so far ... I cant wait to see how the rest of things go. oh and also I love the warrior book series I'm like a really huge fan probably bigger than MLP XD. keep up the amazing work !
A New Chapter !
Can I please get a link?
8907035
The song! Shoot, I should have made that clear. Never Too Late by Three Days Grace https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL2ZwXj1tXM if you don't already know it.
8907092
I may or may not be actually working on it right now.
Probably at least the fist chapter will actually be out next week. :D
Provided my apartment application isn't like approved in a day.
Fading Echoes:
Thankyou. 😊
i demand to see shinings broken bloody corps strung up from a lamp post
nicely done, while I may not have experience with abuse, I know depression and what comes with it all to well, and I'm glad you wrote this to deal with those feelings. again, well done, it has even given me hope for myself
Yea, this was spot on. Not to the point of triggering, though that may be because of how long it's been for me, but I can definitely relate to Twilight here.
Where to start with this? There's, unfortunately, numerous issues with development of the story and the content within. What looked like a rough, but decently written read with speedy updates turned out to be... incredibly flawed. I'll be sure to spoiler out my thoughts though, since my comment is honestly probably going to be as long as the story. Ugh. Not to mention, it'd be best for someone to read it first. But, I'm still going to be saying a lot more than 'get an editor' here, though you really need an editor badly.
First, I should start with these two things: with practice and a revision, this could be a much better story. You should honestly consider this way more like a first draft than anything. The second thing is that the title, descriptions, and cover art could be cleaned up a bit more to better showcase your story and show the effort you put into it. All of these are easy and superficial things, since the front page of your story is not the story itself.
Grammar-wise, and I'll just get this out of the way, your story is not, like, abysmal? I made a lot of similar mistakes to you when I first started out, but with the help of editors and other things cleaned them up. I don't actually expect a story to have perfect grammar, but when faced with something... blegh, it really ought to be addressed. So, I'm not going to hold that against you. However, the fact that you have nothing to compensate for the bad grammar does nothing in your favor.
One last thing I should say before really slicing into the meat of this story is that you a) might want to refine your author's notes so they read a bit more clearly and help the reader follow along with what you try to establish and b) should probably consider adding anything along the lines of 'A Season Two AU' in your description. Your story seems to have nothing from Season Three onward that could bear relevance to the subject matter and characters: no Crystal Empire, No Alicorn Twi, No Castle, and no Flurry.
Everything from here on contains marked spoilers and discussion of potentially triggering material.
Opening with a suicide attempt isn't a problem. Opening with suicide attempt that's not well-delivered, built-up, or follow the character very well and how suicidal actions would be expressed by them is a problem. Night Fire was... an odd addition. Both Twilight's apparently dead cousin and the Boundarylands (which should be capital if that's how you wish to write it) could use little brushes of worldbuilding and other elements worked in to make their inclusion meaningful and natural. Twilight's internal dialogue does not feel like Twilight, suicidal or otherwise. Her trauma is not even foreshadowed and woven into the story well here, when it should be most such a driving point. What I will give you credit for is knowing ragwort is toxic to horses... but that's it.
Since I've already read the story before typing this: Princess Luna is such a huge problem in this story. Your entire plot honestly should have gone through another draft or so, but there's other points for discussion on why later. It makes total sense for Princess Luna to be the one to be able to intervene (So, on a side note, I guess you included dream-walking) and to be able to offer moral support and help Twilight deal with things in a story like this.
It does not make any sense for Princess Luna to be so chummy and attempt motherly gestures or anything at Twilight, and she latches onto her so rapidly and unrealistically that she feels like Luna in dialogue only (and even she feels OOC in later examples of dialogue). In canon up to the point you use - season two - Twilight and Luna are clearly established as something a bit below friendship or equal to it. (And, in canon, their relationship is basically just a professional one as 'fellow princesses' and hardly anything more.) You have zero foundation for this relationship that comes out of nowhere and simply tosses itself carelessly on the 'All forms of TwiLuna 5eva!!' headcanon cart that's nearly a living, breathing buzzword in this fandom and more often than not treats the two like total soulmates without anything to make... just anything about it work. Luna's choice to adopt Twilight so quickly (adoption processes still take time, no matter who you are) not only makes no sense, but isn't really possible. The story even mentions this in a later chapter. Twilight Sparkle is a full grown adult, and therefore, cannot be adopted.
If you really needed that adoption-like angle, having Celestia, an established caretaker and mentor to Twilight, take Twilight in again and see to her would make for a wonderful, fitting story. She's a character who can easily be written as a mother figure, and there would be no forced plot or anything. Just a compassionate drama story. Using Cadance would also work, but from a more sisterly angle. Both these ponies are written as supporting Twilight through this ordeal. All of them would make so much more sense than Luna, who in your poorly paced story is just tossed in here 'just because'. Of course, Luna could still work as a supportive figure (just, not a mother, again, that whole thing doesn't make sense) for Twilight and the primary one, if you tried to write more to develop a whole new relationship and build it in a meaningful way, as well as get past their rather opposing personalities.
At this point, I'll be breaking my full thoughts on this into multiple comments for you.