It was eventually decided that Tucker and Caboose would accompany the alien back to his people, Tucker to deliver the 'Key of Harmony', Caboose to carry Andy, and Andy to act as translator. Caboose, for his part, got exceptionally excited when he was introduced to a 'real live alien'. "Hello!" he greeted excitedly. "I am Michael J. Caboose! What is your name, Mr. Alien?"
"Blar bla blarghlarg, blargle bla Blargah," the alien responded readily.
"You have got to be shitting me," Andy groaned out ruefully.
"One, language," Tucker chided firmly. "I'm the only one allowed to curse around the youngsters-"
"Maud's back with the others!" Andy complained firmly.
"I'm talking about Caboose," Tucker corrected just as firmly. "Second, what did he say his name was?"
"Well, roughly translated..." Andy began incredibly awkwardly. "...look, can't we just call him Ferdy or something?"
"Why Ferdy?" Tucker inquired in confusion. "Is that his name?"
"Well, not exactly-"
"What is his name?" Caboose demanded urgently. "I wanna call him by his name!"
"Well, they tend to have long names, especially Questers..." Andy explained, plainly trying to change the subject.
"Tell me his name or I will try to eat you!" Caboose insisted urgently.
Andy let out a rueful sigh. "...Pink Fluffy Unicorn Dancing on a Rainbow."
Tucker simply stared, nonplussed. "...wat."
"Oh!" Caboose asked excitedly. "Are Questers named for things their parents see when they're born? Is there another Quester who goes by One Man Bucket? Or Two Dogs?"
"...sure, let's go with that," Andy offered lamely.
"Blar blargh."
"He's cool with being called Ferdy, though."
"Ferdy it is," Tucker agreed readily. "So Ferdy, which way do we go?"
Ferdy pulled out the device from earlier and tapped out a few keys.
"Cross the Burning Plains to Honka Hills," the clipped voice of his digital assistant spoke up. "Detour in the Great Swamp, turning right into the Flooded Plains Mall. Then make a left at the fifth hill onto the Freezing Plains of Blarganthia. Estimated time until arrival: three days on foot."
"On foot?" Tucker countered disdainfully. "We've got the Manticore Prime! Or the Dragonlord! On foot my-"
"Blargh!" Ferdy interrupted angrily. "Bla-blarghle!"
"The Quest has to be completed on foot," Andy translated wickedly. "Also, once the Key is acquired, the one it is bound to must fight any threat that arises, and can only use the Key in battle. Otherwise, it won't open the Path to Harmony."
"Dammit," Tucker groaned ruefully.
"Well, have fun you lot," Church offered easily. "We're going to head back to the Gulch, check on things there. Meet us there when you're done."
"Will do!" Caboose called out happily. "Bye Dad!" Waving, he turned to lead the way off.
As the group marched off, Church spoke up. "You're going to follow them aren't you, Tex?"
"Of course I am," Texas replied readily. "One, if Tucker bites it out there I want to bring that armor back and see if I can snag the sword before Ferdy. Two, someone has to make sure Caboose gets back in one piece."
"Really?" Church asked in surprise. "Not what I expected from you, I gotta say."
"What can I say?" Texas offered with a shrug. "Motherhood grows on you."
"And here I thought it grew in you," Church joked with a smile.
"Bow chika bow wow!" Tucker called out in the distance.
"And someone has to teach Ferdy about smacking him around when he does that," Texas added as she started off. "Oh, and if we're all intact when this is all over..."
"Hmm?" Church asked curiously.
"Apparently, Simmons went all out making these robot bodies work as close to functional human as magically possible," Texas observed calmly. "Including non-combat aspects. Maybe, just maybe..." She turned, and he was certain she was sending him a wink. "We'll see if you can make it grow 'in me' too." Before he could respond, she turned and stalked off.
Church staggered back, stunned. "...wat?" he gasped out in surprise, unable to wrap his mind around that.
"Bow chicka bow wow," Gary offered helpfully.
From his hiding spot, Captain Flowers stared, no less shocked than Church. "Well...that's a new side of her," he mused thoughtfully. "Looks like Pi's influencing her, too...at least, I assume so..."
As the group made their way through the Burning Plains, Ferdy hesitated at quite a few points, Andy's translation indicating that there was supposed to be a dangerous monster waiting to bar their path. Each time, Tucker had charged in eager to show his skill with his energy blade...and each time, he was disappointed to find only bones, the creature in question long dead.
As such, it wasn't long before they entered the Great Swamp, where they paused beneath trees that rose into the distant green clouds to set up camp for the night. "So..." Tucker began as he and Caboose began setting everything up. "What was that about a detour? I mean, shouldn't we be heading straight to your people, get the mission done as soon as possible?"
"Bla blargh blarr," Ferdy explained readily. "Bl-blarghablar."
"Apparently he needs to get your reward for going on this mission, since the odds of you actually surviving to complete the mission are drastically increasing," Andy explained readily.
"So we're gonna pick up some hookers at that Flooded Plains Mall?" Tucker asked eagerly. "Sweet. Can't wait to see what they look like."
"Blargh? Bla blar blargh?" Ferdy asked in confusion.
"What'd he say?" Caboose asked curiously.
"He wants to know if kittens are aquatic where you're from, for some reason," Andy translated, plainly confused.
"What? No!" Caboose insisted firmly. "Kitties don't like water! Puppies do the swimming!"
"Blargle bla blargh?" Ferdy pressed, even more confusion in his voice.
"Wait why-oh!" Andy gasped out before bursting into laughter. "Oh gods, that's great!"
"What?" Tucker demanded. "What's so...oh." With a resigned sigh, he slumped back against a tree. "Ferdy, I don't mean 'hungry pussy' as in kittens. I mean babes! Ladies who are eager to get a taste of my man meat and send me to heaven!"
"...blarg?" Ferdy asked Andy.
"Bla blarg bla, blargle arg blah," Andy translated.
"Blar!" Ferdy declared happily as he leapt to his feet before grabbing hold of Tucker.
"Uh, what's going-" Tucker began
"Your reward!" Andy interrupted eagerly. "He's taking you to get a down payment!"
"Really? Sweet!" Tucker turned to follow Ferdy eagerly. "Lead on!"
"So...where are they going?" Caboose asked Andy curiously.
"The reason for the confusion earlier is that Ferdy's race is bi-gender," Andy explained readily. "And...I'm pretty sure I'll be in trouble if I say anymore to you."
"I don't get it," Caboose pouted.
Nearby, Texas clamped her jaw shut and clutched her belly with both arms as she struggled not to laugh aloud.
And that's how Junior was made!
I do not share her need to hold that in, poor Tucker. How you suffer for our amusement and how you will continue to do so
Nothing but LOL's
And thus Tucker learns the lesson of always be EXCRUCIATINGLY detailed and specific when it comes to what you want. It works with genies AND aliens that don't have translation tech of their own and a solid grasp on slang.
9146527
Yes yes it is.
I loved this story before... But after
this...? I'm am ded from laughing..
Down payment... So Junior is coming soon.
So Bi-gender, is that in any way related to say hermaphrodite or Futanari or does it have a completely different meaning from what sounds like just by the word to be people who are both genders? Given that Bisexual involves being interested in both male and female.
Trying to see what's so funny from this relevation and all.
9146590
Gender fluid from the biological standpoint. Ferdy's race is both genders at the same time, so when a pair mates both get pregnant, physical gender from moment to moment is a matter of personal choice, and the concept of 'gender identity' is foreign to them.
9146595
That's pretty interesting. So if they chose they could be male, female, herm or futa at any time they wanted but don't necessarily cause such a thing is new to them from other species standpoint as far as what they identify as? That correct?
9146613
They can choose to be whatever they want biologically, so gender has never been a part of personal identity for them.
Joke's on Texas, Tucker will like it.
if you do, Tex will detonate you!
OK... that caught me off guard too. By the way, where is the Evil Bug Queen when we need her?
Tex is me right now
...I usually avoid these sorts of jokes unless they're really good, so...
...
...
...
...BOW CHICKA BOW WOW, TUCKER THE SUCKER!!!
9146682
Meanwhile, in another universe a certain Chrysalis mutters despondently...
"They are multiplying..."
Just remember that tucker is on the receiving end and great to have you back!
Oh, man, HAHAHAHAHA I can't stop laughing! HAHAHA! Tucker is such a sap! Also:
My thoughts exactly.
*Ahem* YEET
Fluffle reference, I take it?
Jeez... poor Tucker has no idea what's about to happen. Having said that: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I would feel sorry for Tucker but he brought this on himself.
9146791
Though apparently the song existed before Fluffle Puff.
9146741
well, it's not like Tats hasn't touched on the idea before. In a sparkle in his eye, one of the relationships is between a pony and a robot, and apparently, the robot has the ability to do more than shoot blanks.
Long name?
Wat.
Sure, let's go with that.
Bah.
That one hurt.
Thank you, Gary.
Oh...
Better person than I am. I'd be laughing hysterically.
Pink
Fluffy
Unicorns
Dancing
On
Rainbows
PFUDOR could be a nick name.
9147033
...thanks to the pony in question.
9146625
Fascinating.
9147085
no it's stated by the pony in question that the process that made him a robot preserved everything and all biological processes, the only thing she did was modify things a little.
9147119
Translation: the components were all still there, but the delivery system was messed up. Still counts in my book, especially since she's the one that figured that out.
You know for some reason this interaction brings to mind the fact that tex is the aspect of failure by that I mean she is the AI fragment based on all of Alphas failures and as a result she always fails I hope this is addressed at some point and hopefully fixed because it makes tex the saddest character in red versus blue
And thus Junior arrived and joined your party. The young players are confused but they keep playing while the older players are cringing.
They gon do the do.
You see, this one is happening imminently, so now I post this one:
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/582/671/c4a.png
Guess they're gonna be swamped before they get to the mall.
9147123
fair enough
9147328
Actually, the memory of Beta that was created from Epsilon meets that...but the original Beta split off from Alpha before any of the 'break parts off' bit was done, and was in fact based off the Director's memory of his late wife (thus why all the fragments react so strongly to the name 'Allison'), and the reason she was 'destined to fail' was because that memory was tainted by the knowledge that despite all her skills it wasn't enough for her to stay alive.
oh man. tucker is so gonna hate this.
Oh this beautiful ...hold up in terms of series where are we? Season 7?
9148100
we haven't finished 5 yet
I'm not sure if its real live or real liFe.
Only one rainbow?
So glad to see the update.
I feel sorry for Pink Fluffy. It did not deserve the many, many diseases Tucker has acquired over his long life of questionable business transactions.
Not sure if poor Tucker or poor Ferdy.
9146625
Is this an actual confirmed thing for Sangheilli?
...
What the fuuuuudge did i just read?
It was amazing.
Did Tex hint that...
This is either going to end horribly, or hilariously...maybe both.
9146637
No he won't. Probably. Maybe. Most likely. Ok he probably will.lol.
Still oh my God I would love to see Tucker's face when he finds out what is about to happen. Oh and the scene where he gets pulled back to the alien to get his reward.
I understood that reference.
Man... Author you missed a great opportunity to have a whole scene about ferdy freaking out about the cow skull
"down payment"