//------------------------------//
// And It's Gone Again 
// Story: The Rock in the Gulch 
// by Tatsurou 
//------------------------------//

It was eventually decided that Tucker and Caboose would accompany the alien back to his people, Tucker to deliver the 'Key of Harmony', Caboose to carry Andy, and Andy to act as translator.  Caboose, for his part, got exceptionally excited when he was introduced to a 'real live alien'.  "Hello!" he greeted excitedly.  "I am Michael J. Caboose!  What is your name, Mr. Alien?"

"Blar bla blarghlarg, blargle bla Blargah," the alien responded readily.

"You have got to be shitting me," Andy groaned out ruefully.

"One, language," Tucker chided firmly.  "I'm the only one allowed to curse around the youngsters-"

"Maud's back with the others!" Andy complained firmly.

"I'm talking about Caboose," Tucker corrected just as firmly.  "Second, what did he say his name was?"

"Well, roughly translated..." Andy began incredibly awkwardly.  "...look, can't we just call him Ferdy or something?"

"Why Ferdy?" Tucker inquired in confusion.  "Is that his name?"

"Well, not exactly-"

"What is his name?" Caboose demanded urgently.  "I wanna call him by his name!"

"Well, they tend to have long names, especially Questers..." Andy explained, plainly trying to change the subject.

"Tell me his name or I will try to eat you!" Caboose insisted urgently.

Andy let out a rueful sigh.  "...Pink Fluffy Unicorn Dancing on a Rainbow."

Tucker simply stared, nonplussed.  "...wat."

"Oh!" Caboose asked excitedly.  "Are Questers named for things their parents see when they're born?  Is there another Quester who goes by One Man Bucket?  Or Two Dogs?"

"...sure, let's go with that," Andy offered lamely.

"Blar blargh."

"He's cool with being called Ferdy, though."

"Ferdy it is," Tucker agreed readily.  "So Ferdy, which way do we go?"

Ferdy pulled out the device from earlier and tapped out a few keys.

"Cross the Burning Plains to Honka Hills," the clipped voice of his digital assistant spoke up.  "Detour in the Great Swamp, turning right into the Flooded Plains Mall.  Then make a left at the fifth hill onto the Freezing Plains of Blarganthia.  Estimated time until arrival: three days on foot."

"On foot?" Tucker countered disdainfully.  "We've got the Manticore Prime!  Or the Dragonlord!  On foot my-"

"Blargh!" Ferdy interrupted angrily.  "Bla-blarghle!"

"The Quest has to be completed on foot," Andy translated wickedly.  "Also, once the Key is acquired, the one it is bound to must fight any threat that arises, and can only use the Key in battle.  Otherwise, it won't open the Path to Harmony."

"Dammit," Tucker groaned ruefully.

"Well, have fun you lot," Church offered easily.  "We're going to head back to the Gulch, check on things there.  Meet us there when you're done."

"Will do!" Caboose called out happily.  "Bye Dad!"  Waving, he turned to lead the way off.

As the group marched off, Church spoke up.  "You're going to follow them aren't you, Tex?"

"Of course I am," Texas replied readily.  "One, if Tucker bites it out there I want to bring that armor back and see if I can snag the sword before Ferdy.  Two, someone has to make sure Caboose gets back in one piece."

"Really?" Church asked in surprise.  "Not what I expected from you, I gotta say."

"What can I say?" Texas offered with a shrug.  "Motherhood grows on you."

"And here I thought it grew in you," Church joked with a smile.

"Bow chika bow wow!" Tucker called out in the distance.

"And someone has to teach Ferdy about smacking him around when he does that," Texas added as she started off.  "Oh, and if we're all intact when this is all over..."

"Hmm?" Church asked curiously.

"Apparently, Simmons went all out making these robot bodies work as close to functional human as magically possible," Texas observed calmly.  "Including non-combat aspects.  Maybe, just maybe..."  She turned, and he was certain she was sending him a wink.  "We'll see if you can make it grow 'in me' too."  Before he could respond, she turned and stalked off.

Church staggered back, stunned.  "...wat?" he gasped out in surprise, unable to wrap his mind around that.

"Bow chicka bow wow," Gary offered helpfully.





From his hiding spot, Captain Flowers stared, no less shocked than Church.  "Well...that's a new side of her," he mused thoughtfully.  "Looks like Pi's influencing her, too...at least, I assume so..."





As the group made their way through the Burning Plains, Ferdy hesitated at quite a few points, Andy's translation indicating that there was supposed to be a dangerous monster waiting to bar their path.  Each time, Tucker had charged in eager to show his skill with his energy blade...and each time, he was disappointed to find only bones, the creature in question long dead.

As such, it wasn't long before they entered the Great Swamp, where they paused beneath trees that rose into the distant green clouds to set up camp for the night.  "So..." Tucker began as he and Caboose began setting everything up.  "What was that about a detour?  I mean, shouldn't we be heading straight to your people, get the mission done as soon as possible?"

"Bla blargh blarr," Ferdy explained readily.  "Bl-blarghablar."

"Apparently he needs to get your reward for going on this mission, since the odds of you actually surviving to complete the mission are drastically increasing," Andy explained readily.

"So we're gonna pick up some hookers at that Flooded Plains Mall?" Tucker asked eagerly.  "Sweet.  Can't wait to see what they look like."

"Blargh?  Bla blar blargh?" Ferdy asked in confusion.

"What'd he say?" Caboose asked curiously.

"He wants to know if kittens are aquatic where you're from, for some reason," Andy translated, plainly confused.

"What?  No!" Caboose insisted firmly.  "Kitties don't like water!  Puppies do the swimming!"

"Blargle bla blargh?" Ferdy pressed, even more confusion in his voice.

"Wait why-oh!" Andy gasped out before bursting into laughter.  "Oh gods, that's great!"

"What?" Tucker demanded.  "What's so...oh."  With a resigned sigh, he slumped back against a tree.  "Ferdy, I don't mean 'hungry pussy' as in kittens.  I mean babes!  Ladies who are eager to get a taste of my man meat and send me to heaven!"

"...blarg?" Ferdy asked Andy.

"Bla blarg bla, blargle arg blah," Andy translated.

"Blar!" Ferdy declared happily as he leapt to his feet before grabbing hold of Tucker.

"Uh, what's going-" Tucker began

"Your reward!" Andy interrupted eagerly.  "He's taking you to get a down payment!"

"Really?  Sweet!" Tucker turned to follow Ferdy eagerly.  "Lead on!"

"So...where are they going?" Caboose asked Andy curiously.

"The reason for the confusion earlier is that Ferdy's race is bi-gender," Andy explained readily.  "And...I'm pretty sure I'll be in trouble if I say anymore to you."

"I don't get it," Caboose pouted.

Nearby, Texas clamped her jaw shut and clutched her belly with both arms as she struggled not to laugh aloud.