Texas calmly walked further into Blood Gulch, now heading towards the large concentration of armor signals she'd picked up when she first entered the canyon. While she wasn't entirely pleased that her assignment here amounted to 'babysitter', she would learn to deal with it. Besides, it might just end up being fun, especially if the other troops were at all entertaining. If nothing else, they might scream as well as that Doc person had. However, one thing was going to cause problems.
"You need to get off my head," she told Maud firmly.
"No," Maud replied in a calm monotone, clinging all the more tightly to Tex's helmet, all four legs wrapped around it.
"I'll pry you off if I have to," Texas countered angrily.
"When Dad first found me, I crushed his armor."
"Sim trooper armor is hardly that durable," Texas pointed out logically.
"My armor is made from his. Is it sim trooper?" Maud asked curiously. "What's a sim trooper?"
Curious, Texas turned her head to get a scan of Maud's armor. Without Omega active in her systems, she had to handle it herself. She was able to do so, even if she didn't like doing things humans couldn't. She felt her eyes widen as she got the scan results. "It's...it's made of the same material as Freelancer armor!"
"I've gotten stronger since then," Maud pointed out.
Texas mentally scratched out attempting to pry Maud off of her, not wanting to risk finding out if she could control this body if the skull were crushed. "Fine," she decided flatly. "As your Mother, I order you to get off."
"Fuck no," Maud countered flatly.
"Excuse me?" Texas demanded angrily.
"If you're my Mom, I have to act like your daughter," Maud explained logically.
Texas ground her teeth in frustration, but had to admit that the little pony had a valid point. "And how am I supposed to come across as intimidating to the rest of the idiots here with you clinging to my head?" she demanded pointedly.
"Not my problem," Maud replied as she nuzzled her. "I scare all of them already."
Texas paused in her attempts at trying to get Maud off of her to let that bounce around her head a bit. Given how Maud had trounced her earlier - even if it was because she was caught off guard - she could see why Sim Troopers would be terrified of her. Still, that didn't exactly help Texas establish herself as intimidating. The last thing she wanted was to be known as 'the scary pony's Mom'. Not that she had a problem with being known as Maud's Mom now that she thought about it, but she was Agent Texas! She needed to be terrifying for being her, not because she was riding on someone else's reputation. She wracked her brain, trying to come up with a way to get Maud to let her be intimidating on her own right. "...please walk beside me instead?" she tried desperately.
"Okay," Maud agreed, hopping down to the ground to walk beside her.
Texas blinked at that for a time. "...so you listen to please, but not a direct order?" she asked curiously.
"I'm magic, and you said the magic word," Maud explained bluntly.
"...huh," Texas allowed thoughtfully. "And...how'd you end up with everyone scared of you, anyway?"
"Punched through rock with my bare hooves," Maud began with the air of someone making a list. "Ate rock. Teleported somehow. Kicked a locker into orbit. Crushed armor. Tried to be like you."
"Tried to be like me?" Texas asked curiously, making mental note to review the others later. "How'd you even know about me?"
"Dad told me about you," Maud explained. "But no one would give me their skull to beat them to death with."
Texas hesitated. While she admitted that beating someone to death with their own skull sounded like something she would do - and actually sounded kind of fun when she thought about it - she had never actually done that. "Who is your Dad?" she asked curiously. "Is he around?"
"He's around," Maud replied readily. "He's like you, but he broke. He doesn't know why he's still working, so he's Schrodinger now."
Texas frowned, frustrated both from trying to parse what Maud was saying and the fact she was being so vague. "Can't you be more specific?"
"I can," Maud answered immediately.
Texas started to wait for an answer, then realized what she would do if she answered like that. "But you're not going to because you think it will be entertaining to watch me metaphorically tear my hair out?"
"Or literally, but that would mean taking off your helmet," Maud confirmed.
"Well, can you at least tell me how he talked about me?" Texas asked curiously.
"He remembered waking up uncertain of himself, and you telling him that you used to be together," Maud explained readily.
Texas froze. She knew exactly who she'd said that to. But there was no way...she'd said that because it looked like he was on the verge of neural collapse, as if he'd cease functioning if she'd tried to evacuate him as she'd planned...or even if he was left there any longer. He was broken. How could he...how could he have become Maud's father?
"Hi Sis!" a happy voice called out as a blue armored sim trooper ran up. "Who's the black lady?"
"Sis?" Texas asked Maud curiously, latching onto the distraction to not think about the new revelation for a bit.
"I asked Dad if I could keep him, and Dad adopted him," Maud explained.
"Hello!" the soldier greeted happily. "My name is Michael J. Caboose!"
"...Agent Texas," Texas offered darkly, shifting her grip on her weapon to a more ready position.
Caboose gasped excitedly. "Ohmigosh, you're New Mommy!" he declared excitedly.
"What?" Texas growled out angrily.
"New Daddy adopted me to be New Sis' idiot little brother!" Caboose declared happily. "New Daddy said you were New Sis' Mommy, so that makes you my New Mommy!"
"Oh hell no!" Texas snapped out, lifting her weapon. "I draw the line at being Mom to the pony because she's badass. I am not playing babysitter to some helpless Blue-"
"Yes you are," Maud stated firmly.
"No, I'm not!" Texas snapped back, rounding on Muad.
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes."
"NO!"
"Yes."
Texas lifted her gun to point the barrel at Maud. "I! SAID-"
Maud lunged in, her teeth closing around the magazine and chamber and crunching right through the metal. She pulled back, chewing thoughtfully as Texas stared in awe. "...too oxidized," she murmured thoughtfully. "Needs more sulfur."
Texas glanced from her gun to Maud for a time...then turned to Caboose. "...okay."
"Yay!" Caboose declared happily, throwing his arms into the air in excitement. He lunged forward, arms outstretched towards Texas. "New Mommy-"
"No hugs until you earn it!" Texas snapped out firmly, glaring Caboose down.
"Okay!" Caboose agreed happily as he backed off. "Sis, can I try something?"
Maud swallowed her mouthful and shrugged. "Sure."
Grinning Caboose scooped Maud up with one hand gently gripping her under her barrel. He grabbed her tail with the other and began to rotate it while saying, "Dakkadakkadakkadakka-!"
As her tail rotated, Maud's lips pursed and the bullets she'd eaten began to fly out at high velocity.
Texas stared at Maud thoughtfully. "...that is the most adorable minigun I've ever seen. That's fucking awesome."
Caboose gasped in horror. "You said bad words in front of Maud! You're a bad influence!"
"More like a badass influence," Texas countered smugly as she put her gun away and took Maud from Caboose, holding the little pony as her weapon. Plainly in this canyon, that was the way to be intimidating.
"Dakka dakka dakka," Maud offered in monotone agreement.
what did i just read
It was at this point I realized, you managed to out-weird baseline RvB without even straining suspension of disbelief... just... hahaha... that IMAGE! PRICELESS!
8588764
Just the finest in MLP RvB x-over in existence.
Maud! Eats bullets, works as part-time minigun, and 100 million% adorable!
Did you take inspiration from My Little Gatling?
Church has so much explaining to do...
No Caboose! The Pie is supposed to be the gunner, not the gun!
Best pony weapon ever
Hard to argue with that.
Needs more Dakka.
Sarge will be pissed he missed out on a pony gun, also that the ponies mother can kick his ass easily enough to prevent him from ever trying to take it from her.
8588764
What we just saw was Tex taking the “father” role becuase Church/Alpha is more maternal. This is going to be a very odd relationship here and only going to be getting weirder as Project Freelancer takes center stage.
Well holy shit. A gatling!
I don't know about any one else but I now need some kind of game or mod that has the mini Maud gun.
Dakka pony is best pony.
............................................I'm guessing it was either this, or we go the path of the secret weapon known as Mr Toots from Red Faction Armageddon game. For those of you who do NOT know who or what Mr Toots is.......watch this video. Take it away Boomstick.
Texas is now nominated for Best Mom Ever Award.
8588776
Never enuff Dakka.
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MORE DAKKA!!!!
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I'm loving this
Oh god, I was laughing nearly hysterically by the end of that... I expected Caboose to pull something off to impress Tex, but that was just...
You really should look into Directing movies. I swear you'd have a fan base bigger that Michael Bay's.
Needs more
DAKKAchapters8588764
Pure fucking masculine dakka in the form of a tiny horse.
OHMYGOSH!!! That completely skipped my mind earlier. Tex is now Caboose's mom!
HEhehehe So cool!!
I want to Favorite this story 50 times over right now.
So ponies can be miniguns. Does this mean that alicorns are sniper rifles?
please continue this damn story. i dont care if i get daibetes
Finally a chapter with more Dakka, could still use more Dakka.
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cant get much better then that
Maud can really spit out those retorts like bullets.
MORE DAKKA!
8589028
Pony mecha?
Seriously, Pies are the mistresses of dakka. Pinkie can gatling unicorn and party projection cannon, Maud literally can eat lead and spit bullets afterwards.
This probably means Marble is a pyromaniac. It's always the quiet ones.
8589012
Of course ponies are gatling guns. I'd say it's cannon, but they're machine guns, not cannons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY1hf33wbBE
8589066 What about Key Lime- I mean, Limestone?
8589072
Holder's Boulder is what they use as a breeder reactor for fissile materials on the rock farm, which is why you don't touch the potentially easily destabilized-and-critical-massed pile of pony plutonium.
8589081 Are you saying that Limestone's the pony equivalent of a Fat Man?
Dammit, it's just getting better.
Best weapon ever!
8588768
Maybe finest but not the best.
8589086
Tactical Pone INCOMING!!!
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I never knew I needed Maud Dakka in my life until now.
I love this fandom
RUN REDS, RUN!!!!
()
Welp, she's gonna stay there until she finds Church.
Caboose is like Pinkie. He can do things, especially if he knows it's not possible.
I fucking love this horse.
... Fair point, I think.
*nervous giggle*
I get it!
GLORIOUS!
One doesn't simply say no to Maud.
I see that Maud has been taking lessons from Nasty Canasta.
I'm inclined to agree.
I love this so much.
Need more Dakka
Maud Dakka is awesome! Now I want to see someone make a frame for a minigun in the shape of a pony, any pony!!!! Great chapter, can't wait to see the Gulch adjust to Tex.
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8589067
Well technically the m163 Vulcan is a 20mm Gatling gun, and any gun with a diameter of 20mm or larger is a cannon.