Maud blinked in surprise as she was called back to Red Base at the end of the week. To her surprise, waiting there were two humanoid robots standing tall in black trooper armor, one with blue markings over the entire body in the shape of hoofprints in a polka-dot style pattern. "You're finished already?" she asked in mild surprise, removing her helmet so her raised eyebrow could be visible.
"I suppose so," Simmons allowed. "At least...I think I am."
Maud turned to stare at him flat-eyed. "You...think."
"To be perfectly honest, I have no memory whatsoever of constructing these robots, so I honestly have no idea what they're capable of," Simmons admitted.
"How is that possible?"
Simmons rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well...Sarge ordered me to write down your requirements, and then drink until they made sense, seemed possible, and sounded like a good idea to try. So I drank until looking at your requirements no longer had me screaming that it didn't seem physically possible...and then one more drink for it to make sense...and one more to figure out how to do it..."
Maud waited for Simmons to finish his statement. When no more words were forthcoming, her eyebrow raised again.
"My next conscious memory is waking up with my helmet full of vomit," Simmons explained. "When I looked around, I found that Grif was hooked up to a perpetual motion machine that somehow powered itself by kicking him in the dick-"
"It just kept kicking me in the dick!" Grif moaned as he staggered by awkwardly. "Why in my dick?"
"Sorry about that!" Simmons called out to him. "I still have no idea how or why I did that!" He turned back to Maud. "Anyway, I'd also somehow turned Donut into a disco ball-"
"I was so sparkly!" Donut squealed happily.
"-and stuck Sarge in a giant hamster ball for some reason," Simmons concluded as Sarge rolled by in a giant pink sphere.
Sarge came to a halt and turned to the group. "Teach me to interrupt when drunk science is..." He pulled out a pair of shades and put them on over his helmet. "...on a roll." Turning, he rolled off.
"...yeah, he's been doing that ever since, too," Simmons allowed. "When I'd finally managed to clean up most of the mess, I found these guys complete, along with the schematics..." Simmons held up a pair of blueprints that looked like someone had tried to capture in crayon and watercolor dreams only visible if one dropped a gallon of LSD atop a ten pound joint rolled in a page of the Necronomicon. "At least...I think these are schematics..."
"Do they meet all my specifications?" Maud asked flatly.
"They do," Simmons confirmed. "Or...at least as far as I can tell. The one with the hoofprint markings is the male, and he does look like a bit of a dork. I'm...not really sure how to judge that personally...though he looked a sight better than I did in the mirror while I checked if everything was up to standard."
Maud nodded. "And the female robot? Super hot by human standards?"
"I will be crying myself to sleep for the next thirty years knowing that it is only in a drunken stupor that I have no conscious memory of that I ever laid hands on such unattainable beauty," Simmons breathed in something akin to religious exaltation.
Maud blinked in confusion. "Is that a yes?" she asked quietly.
"I'd say so," Texas agreed from her shoulder. "Still don't know why you wanted them fully functional and anatomically correct. Do you want siblings or something?"
"I didn't request that functionality," Maud whispered back. "I just wanted to give you more ways to screw with Dad." She then turned back to Simmons. "And are they fully functional and anatomically correct?" she asked at a more normal level of voice.
"From all I could see, yes," Simmons allowed. "Though...both the bots inside and their armor have a lot more tiny joints than I could possibly conceive of them needing throughout their entire body...especially the female one."
"So she's really flexible, then?" Maud asked thoughtfully.
"Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow!" Tucker declared through the communicators.
"...make that forty years," Simmons sobbed.
Nodding, Maud sent a silent summons to Church, who soon arrived. <"What do you need, Maud?"> he asked curiously.
"Your new body is ready," she stated, pointing to the male one.
<"Already? Wow, sweet!"> Lopez seemed to shake for a bit, giving off odd technical sounds. <"And once again I have been returned to control of a life that has no control, a puppet cast aside for a newer model with no more care than for a Game Boy when the Advance is available,"> he moaned in despair. <"As if the nonsensical nature of my life was not enough, I am nothing more than a joke or a tool, fated to be forgotten-">
"Wow, you are a serious buzz-kill," Church said as he settled into his new body, moving it around a bit as he got used to it. "Sarge should have named you Marvin instead of Lopez."
"Well Maud, we've kept up our end of the bargain!" Sarge declared as he rolled back up. "Now it's time for you to keep yours!"
"Just a moment," Maud countered. She then turned to the other robot. "Alright Mom, it's all yours."
Texas silently transferred out of Maud's armor...though somehow she felt for a brief moment as though she were still there. She didn't have much time to think about it before slipping into the new body...and feeling herself sink into its controls and circuits left her with an almost euphoric sensation. "Oohhh..." she moaned happily. "This was made for me." Her voice held a happy purr as she flexed, feeling the full extent of its power and design. "Can't wait till I figure out what all those extra joints are for."
Maud calmly walked up to the Red Base. She looked it over, examining it carefully before leaning in to take a small bite and chew carefully. "Ah, now I see," she murmured before placing her hoof against the side of the building.
Everyone gathered stared in awe as the entire building complete with basement levels lifted out of the ground just from her raising her arm, with no more resistance or struggle than they would have picking up a coffee cup. She then turned towards Grif.
"By Thor's two beards..." Sarge breathed in awe. "I...I knew she was strong, but...wow..."
"This is going to hurt..." Grif moaned worriedly.
Maud tilted her head for a time, thinking carefully. "Caboose!"
"Yeah Sis?" Caboose asked eagerly as he rushed up.
"I don't have a good swing angle," she explained calmly. "Pick me up."
"Okay!" Caboose declared happily as he knelt down, grabbed Maud, and then stood up to hold her easily out in his arms, the base still clutched in her hoof.
"So...is Maud magically making the base weigh nothing somehow...or is Caboose just that strong?" Simmons asked nervously.
Elsewhere, Omega stared at what had just happened. "What? He...he can do that? How powerful is he? And I'm in here...how powerful am I?" Seeing something else about to happen, he shrugged it off. "Questions for later. Research now."
"Oh Maud have mercy!" Grif screamed as he knelt down and curled into a ball, wrapping his arms around his legs to be as small a target as possible.
Maud watched carefully as she moved the Base down, angling it towards Grif and checking various positions. "Take a step back," she instructed Caboose.
Caboose obediently took a step back.
Maud checked positions again and smiled softly. "There's the sweet spot," she murmured before swinging the Base back over her shoulder like a club. "Fore!" With that scream, she swept the Base down.
It struck Grif with an audible 'THOCK!' and sent him flying. "AAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOWEE!" Grif screamed out as he went flying into the air and out of the canyon.
Maud calmly hopped down from Caboose's grip and put the Base back. "Fetch!" she ordered Caboose, pointing in the direction Grif had been sent flying.
"WHAT?" Sarge demanded as Caboose raced off.
"If Caboose brings him back quickly, I'll have an easier time doing that again," Maud explained calmly.
Sarge stared at her for a time. "GENIUS!"
Omega stared at everything that had just happened. "Wha...? How...? Why...?" Despite only being a program and his human-shaped projection having no substance, he clutched at his head in despair. "I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!"
So do I, my friend... so do I
Poor Grif.
DBZ ABRIDGED REFS......I LOVE YOU FOR THOSE
Poor Church. Have all the working parts, but they are there just so he can be blue balled.
8712971
shes Pinkies sister...dont question it!
Oh that was solid GOLD!
8712999
No. He's orange
Me too, my aggresive friend. Prepare to get your circuits on the sizzle trying to figure this out.
Another amazing chapter. I especially like Omega's reaction. I really wanna see how Delta, the Alpha's logic, will react to Maud, who, like her sister, basically says "screw logic".
-Dark
Omega is staring to sound like Twilight.
Son is that you?
oh boy
INB4
Drunk Science Simmons is best Simmons!
I am sorry to say Grif, but it doesn't get any better over the years.
Wait, where did I put my towel?!
I have no words to describe this perfection.
And you seamlessly transition into Abridged Cell reference. Only you, Tats!
8713005
Hmm... good point...
You referencing TFS will never get old.
... *rereads this part*
*eyes nearly pop out of head* Holy-sweet-Jesus... God help those that fight this duo... actually no, Maud have mercy on those that fight this duo.
Well darn. Here we are, a week and a chapter later, and I've still not started any art inspired by Sarge's "Blood Pone" line.
Stuff happened and put me out of sorts, sorry. At this point I think it's not getting drawn.
8713007
I'm guessing an anti-reaction. After all, if she's doing it, then it's obviously not impossible... just that he doesn't know HOW it's done.
This, of course, will prompt QUITE the reaction from the other characters in response to such acceptance...
I've read plenty of stories where all of the Pie family have one strange power or another.
If this story is at all relative, I'm starting to think Pinkie got shortchanged when they were handing out the power.
Either that, or Pinkie's been sandbagging this entire time.
...and I'm not sure which would be worse.
During me reading this part I couldn't help but laugh.... and continue to laugh..... and laughing even more.......
Actually, I think it went something like this or maybe more like this?
Whatever the case, I definitely enjoyed this scene. Though for some reason I get some sort of sense of irony or truth to it...... Meh, must be nothing
Not sure if intentional reference or not... but awesome either way.
Hrm, you know, I was thinking about Caboose's Guide, his godlike status, and his resemblance to Pinkie in some ways... and wondered if they might share a common ancestor... he does kinda get around.
8713088
Intentional reference. Pleased someone caught it.
Though you missed the other half of it. Probably because Simmons didn't mention "All these squares" making a circle.
You were blackout drunk.
Refer to the above.
I think at this rate he's going to suffer permanent damage.
... Alright then.
Kinda feel bad for him.
Thank you, Tucker.
... Um, I...
OK, we're doing this now.
Yes.
I get it!
So do I, buddy. So do I.
Poor Simmons.
Consider me intrigued.
Hey, look! A towel!
(Produces rocket launcher) And I shall not be the one to answer them! Evil laugh! Buahahahahahahahaaa!
8713074
If you read Order and Chaos you'd know that [MAJOR SPOILER DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THAT STORY] each PWNY-verse story is a separate universe made specifically for the character that was sent to it, to help them get stronger, because Discord fucked up and accidentally made Tirek hilariously OP to the point that all this needs to happen for everyone to have any chance of beating him.
8712978
I agree. It's a perfect sell if I ever saw one.
Oh god... the references... they hurt...
On a side note, there seems to be a lot of double spaces in this chapter. EDIT: Actually maybe not, it seems to be caused by the copy/pasting process.
Guess we can roughly figure out Maud's and Caboose's base strength from this.
8713127
Nah, I knew that. It's more that I'm surprised Maud seems more capable than Pinkie- despite Pinkie being far more... obviously rule-breaking.
That's more like a 'Zorb, but whatever.
(do yourself a favour and mute that )
Nobody? No one's gonna pick the low hanging fruit?
Fine. I'll do it.
Good to see that Caboose is getting into the swing of things.
https://youtu.be/avYBuijHPBI
Drunk Science is fun... And weird.
Physics can suck it!
ah a fan of DBZA and old man henderson i see
8713240
Pinkie has been shown to be pretty strong in the show. Maud has been shown to be absurdly strong to the point that she pulverized a huge boulder with her bare hooves in like 6 seconds.
8713006
Deception is Gamma. Omega's aggression.
WE ALL DO BUT QUIT THE WHINING AND SUCK IT UP YOU A.I. LITTLE *YAAY*
I also can't believe only one other person found that reference
So... Omega's basically TFS Cell. I LOVE IT!
If you use all the references now you'll have none left for later chapters. Mind it's funny enough now that I still say bring it on and that potential issue can be "future us'es" problem
Any hope of a one piece or dbz pwnyverse series?
8713660
One, comments like that go on my user page, not an unrelated story.
Two, One Piece has been rejected repeatedly.
Three, a DBZ Abridged story is already planned.
8713502
Yeah, but strength like that should pull the base apart. It's like Godzilla using a building as a club; taking an engineered structure out of the environment that it was designed for (water, planed firmly in the ground, in space) will cause it to collapse; Maud's feat is not just one of strength, but physics defying reality warping.
8713397
Well Old Man Henderson as already appeared in another one of Tat’s stories. Got to admit that it was a great appearance when you realize it.
Poor Griff, it's funny when he deserves it, but overuse of the gag just makes me wince. Now the really scary thing is if Caboose had lifted up Maud and Red Base with only one hand.
8713680
Of course she's a reality warper, she's a Pie. The family business is farming rocks, there's no way they don't all have some sort of reality warping ability.
I just love how descriptive it is and the descriptions thereof....this is what we follow you for, Tats
8713587
And, corrected. Thanks.
I see someone has been watching dragon Ball z abridged
I should be far more disturbed by that than I find that I am
I'm Muad, I ain't got to explains shit.
When I read the part about the perpetual motion machine with Grif, I legitimately had to make myself depressed just so I didn't get in trouble. I'm reading in class and I nearly fucking died.