It's been about twelve years since they all met. Applejack and Fluttershy have gotten married. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash have been together for four years [even longer in secret] and have had a child each, supposedly from the same father. Rarity has sworn of relationships after her romantic nature had been crushed by disaster after disaster of suiters. Twilight's been as usually, if not a bit more over-reactive to things in the last few months and Spike's starting to get annoyed with her.
It's AJ and Fluttershy's tenth anniversary and as usual Pinkie throws them a party and this is where everything begins.
This is basically a soap opera with ponies.
This is set in the future but does not contain Twilicorn. Not because of anything against Twilicorn but because this was started not long after S2 ended.
While this was originally meant to be mostly about Fluttershy and Applejack, it's kinda been taken over by Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. This has gotten alot longer and alot more complicated than I planned and then got even more complicated still.
I'm sorry to say that there IS one story line [out of about twenty] that does just drop off abruptly, but it's addressed in passing as to what happened.
This is a some-what dark story in what emotionally happens to each character. Betrayal, twists and some sad back stoires.
Contains The following ships
Apple/Shy
Pinkie/Dash
Twi/Mac
Sweetie/Spike
Rarity/OC
And various crosses between these as hearts break and mistakes are made.
Ace Swift Ventura...... no way in hell that's an accident.
Well this was hilarious. Not gonna lie was really hoping for some Sparity when I read about Rarity's issues and Spike still being single but damn man way to write the twists. And ya know what I'm with Spike on this fuck um all who are they to judge him. Hell they don't even know what happened up their could of just been a make out session and they all go jumping to conclusions.
I hope in part of this you have Rarity try to confront Spike and bitch um out and Spike just bores into her about how he's chased after her all these years, watched her pick up all these other guys, hoped he could bring her back from her ban on relationships, and how he finally just lets go and she still won't let him be happy. (I feel so traitorous to my Sparity nature at the moment but she effectively managed to piss me off in this chapter. That's quite a hat tip to your writing... I won't deny that i still want the Sparity ending that I don't foresee coming but still she needs to get whats coming to her.)
Wow guessing you don't like Rarity?
Well, this is certainly interesting. I came in with high hopes, and was not disappointed. Although, that could've been better. I must say, though, you have potential. I most thoroughly enjoyed this, despite a lot of things. I'll just list them off: It sometimes didn't flow well, and it's also a lot of telling not showing.
That's the problem that plagued mine. It was certainly enjoyable, but just didn't exactly show.
"Rarity’s mind wasn’t working. All she could think about was that Sweetie Belle had been hurt again. She slowly, very slowly, walked to the stairs where she had first seen her sister and just sat there and started to cry. “Why… her?...” was the last thing she said as she cried herself to sleep on the stairs."
could be turned into
"Rarity's mind had ceased functioning already, her only thoughts being that Sweetie Bell was hurt again. Slowly trotting to the stairs her sister was at, she sat there. "Why.... her...?" She said, beginning to tear up. Leaning down to the ground, she stopped trying to keep herself up, and silently cried herself to sleep."
That's certainly not the best by any means, but that's just one way to do it. You could also try sprucing up your vocabulary, not that having a simple one is bad, some of the best one's I've read have had a simple one, but it would help with the whole "show" aspect. There were a lot of typographical and grammar errors, but those could be fixed by finding an editorpony. All the rest of my criticisms come from personal reasons.
All in all a fun story, funny at times, sad at others. Thumbs up, tracking, and looking forward to reading chapter 2. Also, sorry for the wall of text, and if it seems....bad....sorry. I was just trying to help
but really, those were all constructive critisms intended to help you write better in the future. I seriously like it.
604753
No, I like Rarity. This is just the set up. I think I may have over emphasized the "why her?" part a bit though.
618685
I appriated the feedback, I know full well I'm not the best writer. I'm not the best at discribing scenes in detail, as I usually just picture it in my head but can't convey what I see there. As for the flow, I'd liek to know what you think didn't work out, so I could improve them. Lastly, an editorpony: don't suppose you know where I could find one do you?
I really love this.
wow shit is just hitting the fan all over town
also
DAMN IT FLUTTERSHY you should have thought this through
DAMN IT APPLE JACK what the hell fluttershy mand a mistake you should have let her talk
AND GOD DAMN IT RAINBOWDASH WHAT THE FUCK how could you cheat on pinkie she is the best you could ever hope for.
and last god damn it pinkie you deserve beter than this. you're too sweet and good for this to happen to you
my brain hurt
what just happend
HOLY SHIT
you aND CLIFFHANGERS HAVE A VERY CLOSE PARTNERSHP DONT YOU
709855 This is more of a cloudhanger...
712518 my eye wont stop twitching
I like many of the things in this story so far. I am not a fan of the level of drinking Pinkie does but I understand it in context of the story and it being needed for the basic plot (or at least I assume it is necessary). I am also saddened by the condition of Rainbow Dash's and Pinkie's relationship and find it even more sad than the problems faced by everybody else (I was also disappointing with Pinkie in cheating on RD even if she thought RD was cheating on her. I am still hoping that they find a way to patch things up but I am not sure that is the way you are going with this story.
While I do not agree fully about Pinkie being selfish (I think Pinkie is willing to share she is just extremely clingy and sadly too impatient to wait) I do personally think Gilda would miss and would want to make amends at least with RD. You might be planning this already but if not I would love to read a scene between Pinkie and Gilda without Rainbow Dash being around (at least THEY don't know RD is around perhaps). Pinkie should apologize for being so clingy and perhaps even for throwing a party that ended a friendship even though she did not intend to do that. Gilda would apologize about certain actions she had done (and that I assume she no longer does such as no more stealing and bullying) however she would not apologize for her attitude of coolness since that is still true and further it is not in and of itself a bad thing (even if it can be off putting at times). I think there is a lot of potential for common ground, internal/external conflict (what does Gilda really think of RD's and Pinkie's relationship especially AFTER Gilda gets to know Pinkie better), and fun that can be had with a conversation between those two characters. I also think you could give that conversation great justice with your writing style. I know that they have already talked a little bit but things are very different when you think you are alone with no kids, friends, or other influences around. It allows for a more honest and open conversation.
Also thinking back unless I am getting my fics confused (sorry it happens reading too many at once will do that to you) I think a flashback to Gilda and RD getting their friendship back on track would be interesting. I am a;so curious about Pinkie and the story about her chilren. We are starting to see RD's side but unless I missed it Pinkie is still mysterious.
I am looking forward to more chapters and I still hope that Pinkie and Rainbow Dash can fix things up (not that I dislike Fluttershy mind you but RD and Pinkie are so cute at times in this story that it would sad to see it go FOREVER).
875452 I don't think I really made Pinkie that much of a drunk. She parties and she drinks and sometiems she drink to much. Also I was planing on fixing up Pinkie and Dash in this latest chapter: No matter what happens [damn I have 14 chapters already...] but I just felt it a bit forced if I did and having Dash say that she just can't take Pinkie anymore seemed more natural. That being said I do plan to fix everypony up by the end of this, but things are still goign ot get worse before that happens.
As for Pinkie's back story, I didn't really think it needed telling. She loves her kids, she loves Dashie and apparently had a crush on my Waifu
... I mean Fluttershy. I suppose I pulled that last bit out of left field a little but... oh well.
Anyway, I aim to please so if oyu have any other concern or comments or w/e feel free to ask... because hoenstly, until I saw a new comment my paranoia was this close to begging for comments again =D
I believe my heart is dying.. Pinkie's pain at the uncertainty is killing me...
You make me laugh and cry, both at once then neither.
Thank you,
Fallen,
Pinkie and Dash just can't catch a break
934314 You are very welcome!
938722 I honestly feel bad writing this stuff at times... sorry.
Damn it why must you make me feel such sorrow for fictional characters!
Honestly though this is really good writing and you're making the characters so real and just everything.
I just hope it doesn't make me cry lol. Anyway keep up the great work!
Poor Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. They never catch a break in this story. Hopefully things will get better soon.
Love is just being fucking murdered right. From so much shit hitting the fan the fan is just hanging from the ceiling where its just praying to not hit the floor.
wait wut i got lost
I think the negativity you may see has more due to the constant barrage of bad things happening to the characters in this fic. For instance you adding this new plot of a suicide attempt right after what looks like a good thing finally occurring fro Pinkie and Dashie. There is no time for rest and enjoying a potential happy moment (and it is a big one if true) and instead we go right to the sad. It is much like a weekly soap opera with all the good and bad going with it. It would have been much better IMO if the chapter ended on the positive note and then you mention the suicide in a new chapter. Then we get closure and it does not feel so constant and I don't think that a cliffhanger is needed to generate interest at this point. In addition I think some may also be put off by those two having lots of kids with random ponies and being so "drugged up" (or drunk) as well. I do know that I go between liking this story and not liking this story for those basic ideas. I want to see how Pinkie and Dash make it through (at least I am hoping they do) but the emotional pay off just has not really happened except maybe now but I still won't get it because I am not sure if it is genuine (since you like to just turn around and make things not work again) and further because of a now attempted suicide.
I have to say there are few stories where I go between hating and liking a story (usually it is one or the other). So you can at least say that your writing isn't boring that is for sure.
Also I am not sure about history of the musical episode but I do believe that at the very least it was done in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" before it was done in "Scrubs". Not important but if anybody can think of an earlier one...
batman craptain falcon pokemon .mov 20% RvB Donut I think starks pond is a reference and i think the R is referencing speed racer so i got at least 7 references. and the 2 hearts could be a kh2 reference.
1092240 Haha... I kinda come from watching very suspencful story driven shows so I just find 'wanting more' to be how I end things. I'm constantly telling myself to just let some ponies be happy for once! And Pinkie and Dash are right now and will be for a while until the conclussion.
And no the suicide isn't a misdirection.
The whole people not liking this thing came from my 3 friends reading this, one who LOVES it, one who hates it and one who's not really into fan fics. But in retrospect, yeah... it may be the fatherage thing... I never intended that to be a big issue though. Until recent events they where completely happy with kids, Dash just kinda paniced. 'rough patch'.
And Buffy probably did do it first but I'm saying this was inspired by Scrubs, not any specific musical. Not that it really matters =D
Anyway, expect some happy conclusions soon. just... not in the next chapter. That one ends in a suicide attempt...
Honestly, I would suggest giving this story a miss for a few weeks and then reading like 3 new chapters at once.
1117106 I couldn't agree more... I think... WTF did y:ou just say? I don't even...
Edit: Oh right, Overcast... nevermind =D
Dash took a deep breath “Caramel, Seafoam, Snowflake, Vinyl, Highscore, Derpy, Big Mac, Joe, Flim, Flam, Magnium, Pearl, Bruce Mane, CABOOSE, Emerald, Gizmo, JEFF LETROTSKI, Marigold, Powder Rouge, Steamer, Twilight-Sky, Vera, Welly, BROLLY, Cinnamon Swirl, GREAT SCOTT, ORANGE BOX, Papermoon, Prism Strider, or even Prism Slash… did you feel anything for them? Did you even remember their names?” The capitalised ones made me laugh so hard
Just to let you know I mostly like this story. Enough so that I actually check up on it because most of your ideas I like. One thing that cut me deep was that you use stuff from other stories that I like such as the idea that a pegasus can own something and then that object or pony can stay on clouds. That moment was so tragic and emotional but at the same time you are essentially treading on one of the more touching moments in another story here that I read (and that is one of my favorites). That is one case where I found that you had the potential to make me hate or love you story in just one moment and it would all depend on what happens later in the story (right now things are looking up). When Pinkie drops through the clouds that hurt and I hope that in your resolution for those two (assuming it is positive) that Pinkie walking on clouds again should be part of it. It completes the circle and is just so a touching way to express that the relationship is better. Granted you are under no obligation to do this I just think it can be a poignant moment.
I think you mentioned in an earlier comment about how you are wondering if this story became more about Pinkie and Dash and I personally say yes. They have stolen the show but in looking at the story I feel this was inevitable. Pinkie and Dash have the more pressing problems and the mystery going. More importantly the consequences for the Pinkie Dash are much more dire. If Applejack and Flutershy break up it is very sad but that is about the only thing that happens. With the Pinkie Dash we have consequences with what happens to the shop, what happens to the children, and what happens to the unborn child (and this is not including the life style questions that need to be answered along with the mystery of who are the fathers which we will never know)? Those are way more interesting issues and so I think that you set up a story that demands that our attention to be diverted to Pinkie and Dash more so than the rest. This is not a bad thing mind you (in fact I find it more interesting this way) but it does go to show that things don't always go according to plan.
I will be eagerly awaiting the new chapter keep up the hard work.
1124964 All of those names, with the execption of Papermoon [My OC] and Prism Slash are the 'official' fan names of actual ponies.
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_ponies
So? Spike is the only virgin? that sucks
Lol, Pinkie still alive I know it. It said that whatever a Pegasus owns will be able to walk on clouds. When fluttershy said I love you too. The clouds below them , 2 layers to be exact, had probably saved her.
1221468 No.
He is a dragon though and most fillies fidn that al ittle off putting so he's had alot less opitunities than most colts. In the lastest chapter [21] I meantion that his first tiem was with Scootaloo 
[presumedly hers too] but it's not really a plot point and i just threw it in really. That beign said, it's completely possible that I eaeliero n said that he was... I forget... 
1222442 Yes and no. I made thos refferences to Scott Pilgram back when I intended for one day to equal one chapter. I then made the first refference and 5 chapter's later i'm in the same day and the joke/refference/throw-back i had planned [The L word and Pinkie] is completely out of context and a little confusing.
1233394 I know, it was kinda obvious, but i had to set it up so that it made sence and not just pulled out of right field [no not left field] and not explained it AFTER the fact. I hate shows that explain something after it happens.
I fixed chapter 20's goof up
and split chapter 21 into two chapters.
I got my comp back so I'ma be posting again, and should hopefully have a chapter by sundey! Maybe...
Nothing is true. Everything is permited!
Good job, my friend! One thing however. I noticed a small amount of grammatical errors. Do you, perhaps, have an editor or proofreader?
A friend, Fallen Cerium.
love this story great work
I do like your attempt at "redeeming" Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. It actually does help and puts them closer to their original characters I think. Though it does beg the question of why play up the idea of their immaturity in the first place? Would seem to be to painful to be a prank and I just don't see why they would do it.
1443108 I have a proof reader, he just kinda sux though...
1477459 Honestly, I only put it in because of you... you made me paranoid and feel bad towards them a while ago just before I wrote this.
As for why she let that idea hang around, I had an idea a while ago bck when Pinkie said I'ld gladly be the group slut if it means Twilight doesn't have too' to have some back story where Pinkie once got sad beign called a slut but stuff happened and she got over, now sayign she's a slut for Twilight [no not like that] is a REALLY big thing for her to say just to make a friend feel better.
That didn't really answer the question though, did it? Well this story should. This is kinda her mind set on the thing [minus the pregnacy]
Warning! it's a clop!
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/33567/The-Many-Loves-of-Pinkie-Pie
YAY new chapter
Because coincidence is coinciedental! The latest pony thread simulator actually mentiosn that Pinkie Pie story I was just talkign about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLT8W2cGrCI
advice... don't watch this vid!
So I'm not the only one that makes fluttershy's voice Hinata's
So everything was okay, then a shitstorm, then okay again, then another shitstorm, then okay a third time, and there is going to be another shitstorm, then everything will be okay, basically your story is the play you described.
I kind of hoped Spike would get his own song
Finally I caught up with this story.
DASH IS GOING TO FUCKING DIE WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT *leaves for a week and comes back* WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
1754546 Ok, clearing one thing up here. Pinkie isn't ALWAYS correct.
She thinks Dash is going to die. Both she and Dash are trying to put the possibility of it out of their minds but can't. They're just worried and a little scared.
once she gives birth, not sayen wut tho!
That being said, I'm 100% doing something with her
i certainly loved it it was cute in fact there is one two parts that need to be looked at.
there are some words that need to be checked but all in all its the best story i have read yet
I thought the title said 'Happy Anniversary Slug', and was kind of disappointed when I realized otherwise.
That was a tender moment you had there with Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. The Pinkie Promise thing does sound like something Pinkie would think so that was well placed. I also liked the homemade "rings" as well.
This story has gotten better as it goes along (though to be honest it is a bit too long for what I think you want to do but I give you that your writing has improved so in the end it is worth it) but I feel you are really stringing us along with RD's death (or not as most of us hope she lives). .
I am totally cool with the Spike and Sweetie Belle thing. Plus, I have to agree with Path_of_cloud, all these botched jumped to conclusions!
A few basic " getting really into the story and typing fast" errors but other than that, bravo!
I really like the whole jumping from different ponies thing, it gives the story a better pace!
Now this is a LOT better. I like how you orchestrated the wedding bands and made them worth so much more. I love how you tie this to Pinkie wanting to make friends later and to the Pinkie Promise (and why it is so important to her). These are the sort of chapters you should be making if you wanted to make the story longer. Pinkie has developed more in these 26k words than possibly the rest of the story combined. You probably could have just made a story of just this chapter and the related chapters with Rainbow Dash+Fluttershy and it would work.
In other words good job.
Note it is not perfect you have numerous spelling errors (and some wrong word use such as using tale instead of tail) but it did not detract from the content which tells you how good this particular chapter was.
If you write another story make it like this one. Don't make it exactly the same of course (don't fall into a rut) but continue making stories that really drive characters along. I also enjoyed this short Pinkie ship with someone completely new. Not easy to do. While I personally don't see Pinkie being married before the start of the show I do like this a lot better than the characterization you were using at the start of this story (and which felt even more out of place than this).
I enjoyed this chapter and look forward to reading the next. Hopefully then we can delve more into what makes Rainbow Dash so special to Pinkie.
AJ, GTFO!