This is a flashback, a coma dream and musical all in one… not sure how it’s ganna work on paper so I’m a put a link at the start of each song. Please listen alongside reading.
If you don’t like this style… blame Scrubs.
Dash was in a void of nothingness, again. Just floating through empty whiteness… but this was different somehow. A voice she couldn’t remember and a feeling of warmth she couldn’t describe wrapt at her mind.
Roaming in-between the worlds of sleep and awake.
Seems so far away from where I've been and unsure but not afraid.
Trusting my soul I know, I must be taken to see the world that is…
Not so far from now.
Imaginations come and sweep the shores of my mind.
Letting it be, visions pass and emotions arise.
Letting them go beyond are doors I've never seen, opening one by one…
“Wake up.”
I hear a voice, hear a voice calling out to me.
“Wake up.”
Look deep inside, see the light now ever holding you.
All the truth, is all you need, to make of your reality; its right here.
Look deep within your shell.
Finding out a galaxy of planets and stars within me.
Listening to each of them singing the same silent melody.
I've never seen such beauty, in possibility.
No speck of doubt or fear…
“Wake up.”
I hear a voice, hear a voice calling out to me.
“Wake up.”
I see inside, see the light now ever holding me.
All the truth, all I need, to make of this reality; the beauty within the shell.
“Wake up.”
I hear a voice, hear a voice calling out to me.
“Wake up.”
I see inside, see the light now ever holding me.
All the truth, all I need, to make of this reality; it’s inside.
Right here within the shell.
The sandglass starts: for another's time beginning from within.
Cotton fields, Mamma's arms are gently unfolding me into the new...
“Wake up.”
And show the light.
“Wake up.”
The time is right.
“Here, from behind my sight: my thoughts, my mind.
Show from the light. The time is right.
And from the depth within, show the balance: of outer and inner harmony.
Mind and heart, soul and spirit: undivided. Here's where the true strength and beauty lies.
We'll see this before us, with our own eyes.
We'll see, with our own eyes...”
“Love…” Pinkie cried the last word of her poem as she released her hug on Dash, who lay in the bed, unmoving. “Wake up Dashie… please wake up.”
She'd been visiting Dash every day for a month now, ever since her heart attack. Twilight had gotten Dash admitted to the Cantalot Royal Hospital and it meant much better care than could be given in the small hospital of Ponyville. But it also meant that Pinkie had to be in Cantalot with her... Pinkie would stay by Dash’s side for as long as she could during the day. Every day…
It was almost the end of visiting hours now. She’d been caught back inside the hospital after-hours a few times now and security had been told to pay extra attention to her. She’d just head back to her temporary home here in Cantalot with the Cakes. They were more than happy to let her stay. While they had at first welcomed her and hoped that they would once again get to try some of her delicious pastries, Pinkie rarely cooked anything there and what she did cook just was missing that special ingredient she always added. Happiness.
“It’s time to go Pinkie” came a call from the hall way. It came form a blueish-grey mare, with an oddly ‘framed’, as she called it, blonde mane, that was clearly bleached as you could see grey roots. She had just returned from Zebfrca a few days ago and had become Rainbow Dash’s private physician. Elliot would do anything for her sister Pinkie, even fly half way around the world to care for Dash.
“Can’t I stay a little longer? What if she wakes up and I’m not here?” Pinkie pleaded. She knew Elliot couldn’t let her but she still needed to ask.
“No pinkie. Now, let’s get back to Cake’s shop. I’d like to try one of your dishes again, it’s been so long. I’m sure cooking something with your big sis would cheer you up and we can make something to sell for them too. To say thank you for letting me stay there too. I’m sure it’ll really help their shop… what’s it called again?”
Pinkie replied coldly “Takes the Cakes.” Elliot always hated seeing her sister like this. For as long as she could remember Pinkie had always been a big cheery puff of energy. Now she seemed more lifeless than Dash did and Elliot knew why as well. When she’d became Dash’s physician and read over her case; there were so many things wrong with Dash. And the prognosis was that she would likely never wake up.
Dash’s heart attack was unexplainable. There was no reason it should’ve happened but it had. Prior to the episode, her heart had been completely healthy just a few weeks before when she’d last checked-in in Cloudsdale. Her heart had stopped for a full five minutes… now however, she had permanent damage to the heart muscle, potential brain damage and even then, if she did pull through… the baby…
~ ~
It was only a few days until Rarity’s wedding. Pinkie was invited but she didn’t think she would be going. If she did, she’d have to leave Dashie alone. Not that she was alone today, Gilda had stopped in to visit. She did that every so often but not nearly as much as Pinkie. Gilda had come by a lot more earlier on. She’d been here about ten times the first month, at least twice a week. Then she’d only come once a week, and then last week, she hadn’t come at all.
“Gilda, why aren’t you seeing Dashie as much anymore? It’s just your job right?”
Gilda heard but didn’t answer. This pony was far too nieve and innocent for her own good. She just couldn’t accept that Dash was gone. She wasn’t going to wake up and if she did she likely wouldn’t be the same pony anyway. Who they’d be living with wouldn’t be the same Rainbow Dash they loved. “Uh… you know why Pinkie.”
As much as Pinkie hated to admit it, she did… but she couldn’t give up hope. She’d heard stories about ponies that had been in comas for decades and just wake up one day… but would Dash want that? Thirty-one one day, se7enty-five the next? And there was that… she’d already missed one birthday while asleep… today. Pinkie had almost forgotten. It was likely the only reason Gilda was here.
Dash never really celebrated her birthday, she didn’t like celebrating getting older. None of her friends even knew when it was and Pinkie had spent a few months herself trying to get that information from Dash. That Gilda knew… that hurt Pinkie some-what. “Gilda, you know what today is right?”
“Yeah… thirty-two.”
“Oh, so you do know…”
“Uh, yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
“It’s just that… Dashie never liked birthdays and it took me so long to find out when it was… thirty-seventh of the thirteenth. But you knew. And I’m the only pony who knew… you must’ve been really close. And I broke you up.”
Gilda didn’t like the term ‘broke you up’, thinking what Dash would’ve thought about what it meant, but that didn’t matter. It was funny really… “Haha… na Pink-Squeak, I didn’t know she hated birthdays, she used to love them when we were friends an… oh…”
“Oh?”
“I knew we where close but fuck, I didn’t know that… thirteen years now. I didn’t know that I meant that much to her either, I guess.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know… maybe she started hating them before that but… I think she stopped doing birthdays because of me. When I came to Ponyville back then, I came because it was her birthday.”
“Gilda, how did you meet Dash?”
“Huh? We just met at flight school, oh and that Fluttershy bitch knew what her birthday was as well by the way.”
“What!?”
“Yeah, we both went to one of Dash’s birthd…” Gilda was cut off
“No not that, how could you call Flutterhsy a ‘B’?”
“Ugh! Like I said, we both met Dash in flight school. Dash defended her and stuff. Defended her from me as well … yeah, yeah, I know I’m a jerk, deal with it. Point is… that filly has some serious issues… let’s just say stuff happened that involved plucking of feathers and me needing a wig for a few months…”
“Oh… and she diffidently didn’t over-power you and hold you down while she plucked the feathers and Dash had to save you from her!”
“Fucking thanks a lot Dash… why’d ya have to tell her that?”
“She didn’t, you just did!”
“Uh… well me and Dash ha?” Gilda said, trying to change the subject back “We hung out, did some stuff and eventually she moved to Ponyville and I stayed in Cloudsdale. She usually came ta Cloudsdale and we’d hung. Then, you know… I came to Ponyville.”
G: So many years we've known each other.
RD: I can't believe you'd do this to my friends.
G: We made the best team from the very beginning.
RD: Is this the way that you're gonna let it end?
G: They may not be like you and me.
G/RD: But I care more than you know.
RD: So if you're gonna be a bitch, and just keep talking shit,
Why don't you pack your bags and leave us alone!
G: This is the last time that you'll ever see my face.
I can't believe you brought me to this fucking place.
I can't stop seeing pink everywhere I turn.
RD: I’ll never be your fucking friend.
G: When will you ever learn?!
As Gilda flew away, all Dash could think was…
RD: Please Gilda listen to me.
I only wanted to be.
A friend for you to depend on when everyone else has gone.
But here we are, I’ve gone too far!
I should've known better than to try and change who you are.
Twelve years later
You move on, you meet new faces.
Time goes on, you see new places.
Old bonds forged long ago meet a web of friendship in their new home.
Soft hooves meet a heart of stone.
It's all good till you find that pone.
Is steppin' on your turf so you treat her like dirt!
Anypony get in your way, they're gonna get hurt. HA!
Reverse tactics, you're quick to match this!
You've practiced, so what's the catch miss?
This little pink spazz's antics has caused your crashing, and you won’t have this!
Careful you're on the brink of madness!
Another little silly prank and you're gonna smash shit!
Then you find out that they were Dash's, and now our friendship's in ashes…
“She told me what had happened between you two and asked to talk. I didn’t want to go but I hadn’t seen her in so long…”
G: I'm getting out now, I should have never came.
I'm tired of your shit, I don't wanna play this game.
I'll catch you back in Cloudsdale, back where I belong.
Before this pink nightmare sings another fucking song.
RD: Please Gilda listen to me.
I only wanted to be.
A friend for you to depend on when everyone else has gone.
But here we are, I’ve gone too far!
I should've known better than to try and change who you are.
RD: Please Gilda listen to me.
G: I only wanted to be.
A friend for you to depend on when everyone else has gone.
RD: But here we are, I’ve gone too far!
G/RD: I should've known better than to try and change who you are.
G: One more thing… AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!..........
“I screamed in her face 'til I was out of breath. I swear she thought I was ganna jump her… I hugged her. I’d missed her so much… besides her I only really had one other friend. My big brother… and that’s kinda creepy. We sent maybe one or two letters a year but we never met again… actually we did meet again once. For about twenty fucking seconds like five years ago… I really hoped then…”
“Do you have to swear so much? You keep saying ‘F’ and ‘B’ and ‘S’ and ‘H’ and ‘E’ and it’s really rude.”
“Well… wait ‘E’? Never mind… Is saying ‘rut’, ‘mule’, ‘horse-feather’ and ‘hay’ really any different? We all know exactly what it means anyway… besides, I’m Grasutralian, it’s how we talk. Remember that whole don’t try to change me part? Look. Honestly, I don’t like you, and you don’t wanna hear this but you have to. Rainbow Dash is gone! And I blame you for this…”
“No… she’s not gone! And it’s not my fault. Why would you…”
“Because you need to hear it! Whether y-you want to accept it or not… our friend is gone. And I know it’s not your fault. But that doesn’t mean I don’t blame you. I hate you! You took her away from me, you got her kids she didn’t want and this is where she ended up because of you.”
“I… I…”
“Listen Pinkie… I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you this because it’s what Dash would’ve wanted. Do really think she’d want you to waste your life next to her? No! Live your life the way she would’ve. Full of excitement and fun, not in some room for hours a day crying over a pony that’s never coming back.” Gilda was crying by this point but wouldn’t let that stop her. She hated this pink bitch but Dash loved her. If it would’ve made Dash happy it was worth it. Where ever she was...
Because she certainly wasn’t here…
~ ~ Wait, don’t do the transition thingy yet!
“You know, that whole Graustralian thing reminds me… Twilight was once down in Graustralia, in Sydneigh. She needed directions so she asked somepony ‘I’m trying to get to the Graupera House at Mareling harbour, across @ manybadpun stweet. Could you tell me the way’ and he said ‘uh fuck, let’s see… ok you take a fucking left, go down three fucking blocks, take a fucking right and you’re at the cunt.’ To which she replied ‘Why thank you… officer.’ True story!”
~ ~
Pinkie had cried all last night. She was back in her bed, back in Sugercube Corner, back in Ponyville. For Rarity’s wedding… she told herself she was here for Rarity but she knew deep down: Gilda was right. Pinkie had given up on Dash…
Lonely…
I’m Mrs. Lonely.
I have nopony.
To call my own…
“Pinkie!”
“What up Rarity?
“So you’re coming to my wedding?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it for anything… or anypony…”
“Thank you Pinkie…”
Yo! This one here,
Goes out to all my ponies out there, stal… you know.
That got the one good filly who’s always been there, stal, like,
took all the horse-feathers…
But one day she can’t take it no more and decide to leave…
I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my Dashie wasn't by my side.
Shoulda seen that she was leaving, but before a had a feelin’, by my side came along Fluttershy.
Back tracking over these few years, tryin’ to figure out what I do to make it go bad.
Cause ever since my Dashie left me, my whole life came crashing, I’m so…
(lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, filly…
(I'm so lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, Dashie.
Can't believe I had a mare like you, and I just let you fly right out of my life.
After all I put you through; you still stuck around and stayed by my side.
What really hurt me is I broke your heart, Dashie you were a good mare and I had no right.
I really want to make things right cause, without you in my life, Dashie I’m so…
(lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, filly…
(I'm so lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, Dashie…
Been all about the world ain't never met a mare that can take the things that you been through.
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing you.
Cause ain't nowhere in the Equestrai I'd rather be, ain't nopony on the equestria I'd rather see.
Than the mare of my dreams that made me be, so happy but now so lonely.
(lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, no…
(I'm so lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, filly…
Never thought that I'd be alone, (be alone) I didn't think you'd be gone this long. (Gone so long)
I never meant for this to go so wrong. For me, Dashie, you’re the only one! (The only one)
Dashie, dear I didn't mean to cheat, (no) of Fluttershy I wash my feet. (Wash my hooves)
I never wished I'd ever hurt my dashie, and it's drivin' me crazy, cause I’m so…
(lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, no…
(I'm so lonely) so lonely.
(I'm Mrs. Lonely) Mrs. Lonely.
(I have nopony) I have nopony.
(To call my own) To call my own, Dashie…
(I’m so lonely) so lonely. [So lonely]
A pony, [a pony]
all alone here… [alone here]
a pony, [a pony]
Nopony with me, [with me]
Filled with fear, [with fear]
So lonely…
“Mrs. Lonely…” Dash sighed to herself as she lay in the bed. She’d been awake for hours now. It had been dark when she came too, barely able to make sounds and completely unable to move. In that time she’d lifted her left hoof above the sheet of her bed and hilted her head to face the same way, out into the hall. She was so weak… how long had he been here?
She knew she was in a hospital… it was the only thing that would make sense but she had no idea how she’d gotten here. She was hooked up to a machine and made a constant hissing and puffing sound. It was a respirator and it was breathing for her, through a tube that was down her throat. It had taken her a good amount of time to get her mouth muscle to work so she could speak again but she’d really had nothing else to do in that time. It didn’t help that she could only speak shortly when the respirator let her breath out.
Out in the hall it was still rather dark, lit only by a few small bulbs in the roof creating just enough light that you could see where you were going. It had to only be about 6am and the sun had only just started to rise. But that was good; doctor’s coming off or starting their shifts where passing by her room more often and soon enough one would notice her.
After thinking that though it was at least another full hour before somepony finally did enter Dash’s room. Dash had had hours to prepare for this now “What’s up…” she ran out of breath as the respirator pushed air back into her. Once she could breathe out again she finished “…doc?”
~ ~
The tube had been removed from Dash’s month. It had only been there as a precautionary measure while she was unconscious. The doctor was saying something. Dash wasn’t paying attention… just staring through her. Her name tag read 'Elliot Dorian Pie' but all Dash was focusing on was a small yellow spot on her otherwise completely white coat she wore. “…ask you Rainbow Dash…. Rainbow Dash?”
“Yes.”
“You understood what I’ve just said to you?.” Elliot asked, making it equal parts question and statement.
“Yes. A heart attack. A coma for two months. Possible brain damage and damage to my heart muscle.”
“I’m sorry; I just need to make sure you fully understand.”
“Well, I’m talking to you now… so I’m awake, I’m alive and I’m speaking. It’s just… you’ve got, mustard. On your…” Dash tried to raise a hoof to point but couldn’t. Her muscle where weak from not being used for so long. That was another thing: she’d be able to make a full recovery from that, it would just take time. “Right there, you’ve got… mustard. There, right there.” She struggled as she raised a hoof ever so slightly from the bed where it lay.
Dash was right… there was mustard on her coat “Frick! I just got this coat…” but what Dash said worried Elliot. She could talk; whatever had happened to her brain wasn’t as severe as had been suspected but her train of thought just seemed off. The body may heal; but the mind is not always so resilient.
Over the next hour Elliot proceeded to ask question to determine what she knew, how she felt and surprisingly, Dash was fine. ‘What’s your name?’ ‘What’s your birthdate?’ ‘Who’s the prime-minister of ubeckibeckibeckibeckistanstan?’ The basic stuff that everypony knew. She’d just been stunned at first and now seemed like the normal Dash that Elliot had met a few times since she’d been with Pinkie.
“It’s almost visiting hours, I’m sure your guest will be down in the lobby. Would you like me to get them?”
“Yeah!” Dash exclaimed, though weakly it was as loud as she could manage. Somepony was here for her? She’d woke up alone and scared, not knowing where she was but this doctor seemed to know there was somepony waiting for her already? They must’ve been here every day. It must’ve been one of her friends: Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity or Twilight. As Elliot started to walk off towards the door, Dash added “Who is it anyway?”
Elliot kept walking but turned to face Dash. “Your wife, sis.” She said as she walked out the door into the hall way. Dash was smiling at response to what Elliot had said… wait.
“Doesn’t she mean…” Dash struggled to lift her head and look down at her very pregnant stomach. “…husband?” She didn’t remember who the father was. She didn’t remember how it had happened. And did Elliot just call her ‘sis’?
She’d find out soon enough. Elliot would return with whoever it was down in the lobby. But it never happened… at least an hour passed, then another. Soon enough it was midday and nopony had come. She’d seen Elliot walk past the room in a rush and briefly look in but she hadn’t even said a word to Dash. “I HATE being alone…” Dash said as she just drifted off to sleep. There wasn’t really anything else she could do.
~ ~
Pinkie wasn’t here? Why wasn’t she here!? Elliot was freaking out! “Celestial frick, frick, frick on a frick-stick! Ok Elliot, calm down. She’s not here, where would she be? Oh my Celestia! I left Rainbow Dash in the room for ages. What time is it?” Elliot whirled around to look at the clock and came face to face with her sister. Accompanied by two royal guard none-the-less. How did she… never mind.
Elliot quickly hugged Pinkie as tightly as Pinkie normally hugged her and was going to say something but Pinkie beat her to it “Dashie’s awake right?” Pinkie’s voice was practically a singing with joy. Elliot hadn’t seen her this chipper since she’d returned. Pulling away from the hug, Pinkie turned to the two guards and said “You two can go now. Make sure you buy that ice cream for Princess Celestia like you promised!” They’d never made such a promise but on the way here Pinkie had insisted that they do sp after they left many times. MANY times…
The two sisters quickly went up to the floor Dash’s room was on. They walked side by side until they got there, when Elliot stopped. Pinkie hesitated for a second and then kept going. She’d speak with her Dashie… just the two of them. She entered the room and saw Dash in the bed, asleep. Snoring loudly. This was her Dashie… her eyes watered slightly as she took a seat next to the bed and just watched her sleep. She’d missed even this o-so much.
Hours passed and Pinkie just stayed there watching Dash sleep. It was nearly 6pm now and visiting hours would end at 7. As much as she loved to just watch her Dashie, she had to wake her, to speak with her once again. Pinkie nudged Dash slightly; she stirred but didn’t wake. Pinkie nudged her again and added “Wake up.” And for the first time after saying those words so many times, Dash woke up.
“Um… hey.” Dash said, both weakly and drowsily.
Pinkie instantly hugged Dash and said… whispered. “I’ve missed you Dashie. I’m so glad you’re still with me.”
“Ya, I missed you too… I gues…” Dash was cut off as Pinkie kissed her. Her eyes shot wide open. She would’ve thrown this pink pony off of her if she had been able to move completely. As it is, her arms barely flailed and when Pinkie pulled away, the smile on her face quickly faded when she saw the look on Dash’s. “What the hell you crazy dyke!?”
“What?... Dashie, you and me...”
“What? Where’s my husband? The father, I think.”
“But… Dashie, we’re both the foal’s mothers. And our other children. Don’t you…?”
“Children? I don’t have kids, I would never want kids! Listen, pinks, I don’t know who you are or anything about some kids, but I am NOT some lesbo!” Pinkie just stared at her. This had to be a joke. No… Dash wouldn’t do something this cruel as a prank… “Would you stop looking at me like that? Get out of here! Why are you here and not one of my friends?”
And there it was… Gilda was right. The Dash she’d known was gone. Defeated, deflated, defiled, demoralized, devastated degraded, decimated, dumbfounded and down-right destroyed… Pinkie just left the room walked away from where Dash could see her, took a seat and place her hooves to her face. She tried to stay quiet but it wasn’t any use.
Dash could hear her crying. She felt horrible. She didn’t know who this was but whoever she was really must’ve cared for her. But Dash wasn’t gay. She’d hated ponies thinking she was, why would she be? She distinctly remembered destroying some stallion’s cabbage stand for calling her a tomboy and hearing him yell ‘My cabbages!’. But was that a real memory? If she didn’t remember this pony, could she trust any memories she did have? However… Applejack. Fluttershy. Applebloom.
They walked past her room. She clearly remembered them. Her friends, they were here! It lifted her spirits, she could trust her memory if she even knew those three by name. But why didn’t she remember that pink one? Her friends had walked over to where Dash assumed Pinks was. They knew her. Why didn’t she? Selective amnesia… was that even a real thing?
A few minutes passed. Dash couldn’t hear Pinks’ crying anymore… she’d even given her a nick name already, ‘Pinks’. But eventually Elliot came back into the room. Pinks followed behind her and then Dash’s friends came behind her. Elliot stepped up to the side of Dash’s bed, Pinkie on the other side and her three friends at the base. Elliot took a breath and said “We’ve figured out your unexplained heart attack Rainbow Dash. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. Also known as Broken-Heart Syndrome.”
“Rainba’ Dash,” Applejack said "ya still remember me right?
“Yeah, Applejack, Fluttershy, Applebloom… Big Mac, Twilight, Rarity, Spike, Sweetie Belle, Tank, Gilda… I remember a lot of ponies… and gryphon. I just don’t remember her.”
“Well you know me, you know you can believe me and everything Pinkie’s said is true, trust me on that.”
Dash didn’t say anything but she remembered AJ well and she knew she wouldn’t lie. She turned to Pinkie but still didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to, Pinkie could read her. “Dashie. I was hoping that I could jog your memory. If you know how I feel, you might get better and remember… but… it may just break your heart again, and I couldn’t do that to you…”
“Pinks… I don’t know who you are but, yeah, I know AJ and she knows you. I don’t know what’s going on, hay, I barely know who I am, or even who I want to be. But, I’ll take that risk… tell me what you have to.”
“I love you Dashie!... so…”
P: So tell me what you want to be.
AJ/FS: Tell me are you listening?
P: Tell me all the things you felt before you let them exaggerated.
RD: Tell me what you're fighting for.
AJ/FS: Do you have a reason?
P: Let me turn you inside out, if you’re inside out, I’ve been here before…
AJ/FS: Stuck inside this same revolving door.
RD: It's turning me and bringing me back to.
P: Outside, walk in to the sugercube corner.
RD: If I can just make it through the night…
AJ/FS: Whoa, whoa.
P/RD: Whoa, whoa.
RD: My wings are stuck on the trigger; your hooves are up in the air.
AJ/FS: Whoa, whoa.
P/RD: Whoa, whoa.
RD: I'm losing energy, not going anywhere.
P: So tell me who you want to be?
AJ/FS: Tell me are you're listening?
RD: I'll tell you all the things I felt before I let them control my head.
P: Tell me what you're waiting for?
RD: I'll tell you that I'm leaving!
P: leaving while I'm inside out?
RD: You turned me inside out…
~ ~
Rarity: I won't take your poison anymore.
Sweetie Belle: My mind is my cigarette burning.
Rarity: Empty cider bottles on the floor.
Sweetie Belle: Trying to work out what to write
Twilight: Whoa, whoa.
Spike: Whoa, whoa.
Rarity: My head is stuck on his figure, your you’re blowing smoke in the air
Twilight: Whoa, whoa
Spike: Whoa, whoa
Sweetie Belle: I'm losing energy, I'm going anywhere
Big Mac: I'll be running, running, running from you.
Running, running, running from you.
Running. From you Twilight…
P: I can't take this silence anymore
RD: (I can't take this silence anymore)
Twilight: I can't take this silence anymore
Rarity: (I can't take this silence anymore)
Twilight: Whoa, whoa.
Spike/Sweetie Belle: Whoa, whoa.
Rarity: My head is stuck on his figure, you’re blowing smoke in the air.
Twilight/Rarity: Whoa, whoa.
Spike/Sweetie Belle: Whoa, whoa.
Rarity: I’m losing energy, I’m going anywhere.
Twilight: Whoa, whoa.
Spike/Sweetie Belle: Whoa, whoa.
Rarity: My head is stuck on his figure, you’re blowing smoke in the air.
Twilight/Rarity: Whoa, whoa.
Spike/Sweetie Belle: Whoa, whoa.
Rarity: I'm losing energy…
“I’ll go anywhere” He said as he read the letter. It had just appeared in front of him in a puff of smoke and burst into existence with green flames. It was from Sweetie Belle. From his daughter….
~ ~
It hadn’t worked… had she really expected it to? Octavia worried about her sister more than she had been for the last months. Pinkie hadn’t slept last night, instead staying up writing ideas down and organizing them from great to greatest. She was stuck on the idea that there was one thing that she could show Dash that would send all her memories rushing back to her.
Octavia had asked her other sister, the one who actually knew anything about this kind of thing, if it was possible. It was… but only if it was psychotically blocked. But Dash had been dead for five minutes, her heart stopped and no blood had gotten to her brain. It could’ve just been random chance that the part of her brain that had been harmed was the part that only held the memories of Pinkie. The pony mind was still a mystery, and when Pinkie was involved… it could never be explained.
On the top of Pinkie’s greatest ideas list was bring Ace and Ven. Dash didn’t remember them either but she loved them. They were hers and that had to mean something. It sounded like a good idea to Octavia, even if it didn’t work she should at least see her children. The ideas got worse from there though at an incredibly fast pace as the second idea on that list was ‘Make-out for like a bazillion hours until she just falls for me again.’
Octavia had persuaded Pinkie not to try that one, remembering the time Vinyl had tried the method and the resulting… result… she still feared Pinkie would though. Elliot had stayed the night with Dash, claiming she needed to check on her patient but she was really just trying to help her sister. Elliot told Pinkie what she’d found out: Dash could remember everything, every detail of her life. Except anything that involved Pinkie in anyway. That, and she had an entire four months missing from about 10 years ago, just after Fluttershy and Applejack’s wedding.
Pinkie seemed to be hurt by that more than anything but she didn’t say why. Dash and Pinkie only came out together about four years ago now, but they had obviously been seeing each other before that. Surely it hadn’t been seeing each other for ten years? Even Pinkie couldn’t keep a secret for that long… then again, for Dash, Pinkie would do anything.
Pinkie had been talking with Dash now for hours. She’d introduced her to Ace and Ven. They hadn’t understood why she didn’t remember them. The look on Dash’s face told that she was hurt that she was hurting overs, even if she had no control over it. Octavia had thought meeting them would be a good idea, but if Dash’s heart attack had been caused by takosut… taksota… ta… ta,ta,ta,ta…….. Whatever that broken-heart thing was called, this couldn’t be helping it.
Fluttershy, AJ and Applebloom had all shown up at around 9, but left only a bit more than an hour later. Applebloom was heading back to Las Pegasus that night. She’d only been back for the wedding and had a match in two days. Before they left however the two asked if they could speak with Elliot in private. She returned shortly afterwards.
“So what was that about?” asked Octavia.
“Um, sorry, patient doctor confidentiality.”
“So it was medical? I suppose I shouldn’t pry.” Octavia paused as Elliot yawned. “Did you sleep last night by any chance?”
“No. I talked with Dash until about midnight, then I went over her records and scans.”
“Get some sleep, I’ll take care of Pinkie.”
“Thank you Octy.” Elliot said as she walked away, likely to the on-call room.
More time passed and it was well into the day by now. No matter how long Pinkie talked with Dash, Octavia knew it wouldn’t help. There wasn’t just one thing that would trigger a rush of memories. Nothing could mean that much too some pony to reverse brain damage. No… maybe there was. And Octavia was just the pony to help.
She left the hospital in a rush. She knew exactly where she was going.
~ ~
Ace and Ven were asleep in a chair each. They’d grown a bit since they’d last seen Dash. They could both fit in a single chair but it would be cramped so Pinkie had gotten them each their own to sleep in. They may be getting older but they both still needed a nap in the middle of the day most the time. Pinkie feared most of all, that Dash wouldn’t be there to see them grow up. Dash could talk mostly at full speed and in her old tones and mannerisms but she still couldn’t really move much. She could slide her arms and maybe lift them an inch or so but that was it. What she thought was the worst part though: the bed pan was so cold…
“We used to have this tradition.” Pinkie said. “You never liked birthdays and it took me so long to even find out when yours was. And your first birthday after that, you got really mad at me for getting you a present. You took the gift eventually, but said you wanted to get me a present to make us even. Do you know what I asked for?”
“No…” Dash sighed, she knew it was rhetorical but still it annoyed her how many questions like that Pinkie had been asking. But she couldn’t stay mad at Pinks for some reason. And she couldn’t figure out why that was no matter how much she thought about it. It ate at her that she didn’t understand this pony no matter how much she tried.
“I asked you not to get anything for my birthday. I think it made you feel bad but I meant it, even if you didn’t know it back then. So when it was my birthday you didn’t bring anything.”
“This doesn’t sound like a very happy story Pinks.”
“It is. Because, instead of you getting me something, I got you something. If you couldn’t celebrate your birthday, then you could celebrate mine. And the next year on your birthday, you got me a present. It meant a lot to me. But… the best gift you ever gave me… it was four years ago.”
Dash was interested now. It seemed like a stupid tradition, but really; it’s the kinda thing she probably would’ve loved. “What did I give you?
“A kiss…” Pinkie started to cry. She’d been trying not to all day but this finally got to her.
“But uh… didn’t you say we’d been a couple for like ten years?” Dash asked, confused.
“Yeah but, you always hated it when ponies thought about you that way. So we never told any pony. You gave me a kiss… in front of all our friends. It meant you loved me more than you loved yourself. That you wanted me to be happy more than what you wanted others to think of you. It meant… so… m,m,much…” Pinkie sobbed out the last words as she wiped the tears away.
“Look, Pinks, I’m sorry but I just don’t remember you. I get it, you like me but I don’t like you. I don’t even know you. Don’t get me wrong, you seem like a nice pony and I’m sure we’d be friends or something. But really, if I were some filly fooler, you’re not even my type.”
“So… you don’t even think I’m attractive?”
“I don’t mean it like that. I’m just saying if I had to be with any mare, I’d be with somepony like… I don’t know, Twilight or Rarity: a unicorn.” Dash stopped as Pinkie just stared. “What? I’m not that way but that doesn’t mean I’ve never thought about it.”
“It’s not that… well it is but… I’m sorry Dash.”
“For, for what?”
“I’m sorry I did this to you! You spent six years hating yourself because you loved me. You could never fly as fast after you had Ace Swift because of me. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t cheat on you…”
“Pinks… I don’t blame you. Even if I thought it was your fault I wouldn’t blame you. Look, I uh… I wanna get to know you. You care for me, so… could we… I don’t know, go out or something some time. I mean I already live with you right? And we have kids! And another coming! And…”
“NO!!!” Pinkie yelled cutting Dash off and waking Ace and Ven. “I don’t want you to be with me because you think you have to! I just… want you to be happy. It was your birthday last week. And you never got me a present. Do you know what I want?”
“No… but please tell me.” again annoyed at the rhetorical question but also wanting to know.
“I want you to forget all of this. I ruined your life. I want you to get a new one. I want you to do what you want. Can you look me in the eyes and say that you aren’t just asking to be with me out of guilt?”
Pinkie looked right into Dash’s eye. She hoped so much that Dash would say ‘yes’. But she never did. Moments passed and Dash didn’t say a word. Pinkie just turned around and walked out of the room. She’d noticed her sisters weren’t there ages ago but it only really sunk in now. She was there with Ace Swift, Ventura and her Dashie… but she’d never felt more alone in her life.
It was perfect timing though. Octavia got back from where ever it is she had been, she was carrying a box on her back. Pinkie looked at her for maybe a second, if that, before disregarding her. It didn’t matter where’d she’d been. Pinkie knew exactly what was in the box. Octavia was as predictable as a hieratic equation…
“Have you ever gotten somepony a gift that isn’t a violin Octy?” Pinkie snapped.
“Pardon?”
“That box, it’s a violin for Dash isn’t it.”
“Well, yes, I suppose. But I…”
“No pony wants your stupid violins. Ever! And why violins? you play a chelo for Celestia sake! She can’t even move, why would she want that thing? Did you even think before you left? ‘Music, music, music classical, classy music’ that’s all you ever think about, that’s all you ever talk about. That's all you are, classy! Where’s Elliot!?”
“I’m here Pinkie.” Came Elliot’s drowsy voice. She’d woken up a while ago but had stayed in the bed hoping to get some more sleep until she heard Pinkie yelling at Octy. “Please, lower the volume, this is a hospital after all.”
“Oh, like your high pitch neurotic whining is quiet? You’re horrible sisters. Both of you! To boring and you need to sleep? The brilliant idea for a gift that just couldn’t wait? You’re horri…”
Octavia was crying as she slapped Pinkie across the face. “I’ve never… I’ve never done anything for you that wasn’t out of love! How dare you say that after what I’ve done for you! What both of us have done! I’ve spent the last two months running your shop because I wanted you to be with her! Elliot flew half way around the world so she could care for you and Dash! And this gift? Yes it’s a violin! And no it couldn’t wait! I wanted to play for you both. Your song…”
“She’s important to me too Pinkie. To both of us.” said Elliot “I stayed up all night looking over Dash’s records trying to help. I should hav…”
“No don’t say that…” Pinkie cried. “I was ju…”
“Mummy, can we play with that?” Ace and Ven asked in tandem. As they hugged one of Pinkie’s legs each with one hoof, and pointed the other out towards the box on Octavia’s back. Apparently even they knew what Octavia had bought as a gift.
Pinkie looked at Octavia and Elliot. She hoped she was convey an apologetic look. She wasn’t alone. She never was. She just needed to be reminded of that. “Of course. Let’s go play Dashie a duet!”
“I only got you one violin Pinkie, and I don’t quite know how well you could’ve taught them to play in just two months.”
“Oh it’s easy. Ace hoofs the strings and Ven plays the cords. That way they only have to learn half as much!”
“Pinkie… that’s not how it wor… never mind…”
Octavia unpacked the violin. It was quite an expensive brand. A Glida: made down in Graustralia. Octavia couldn’t help but wonder if Gilda had been named after one of these… but that was completely irrelevant and honestly, she had only gone with this brand because of that unlikely name connection which had sprung to mind. She spent about half an hour finely tuning the strings. No pony else would be able to tell the difference but apparently “No, this cord should be 2/13 of an octave lower.”
Once she was finally done, they proceeded into Dash’s room. Dash had heard them fighting… half the hospital had heard them fighting. But when they came back in, Pinks looked quite happy again. Of course she’d gone from super peppy, possibly on acid happy to clinically depressed more times over today that Dash could count on six hooves.
“Dashie, I know what I said before and I still mean it. But let me just try this one last thing. This song… it’s our song. It was playing the night we first fell in love. I spent every night I wasn’t here teaching our kids to play. It’s called ‘In This Quiet Night’.” Pinkie turned from Dash to Ace and Ven who seemed to know exactly how to share the violin. It was adorably cute and amazing, according to Pinkie, they couldn’t share anything and had lost a gorgeous Princess Luna plushie because of it.
They started playing. Dash listened intently. The chords all struck home, they didn't miss a single note and Pinkie sung along... it was beautiful... and it was over before she knew it. The song was short and it felt nice to hear… but it hadn’t hit home like Pinkie had hoped. And Pinkie saw that… she’d said it was her last attempt and she most likely she'd meant it. She’d tried so much today that there probably wasn’t even anything left that she could try.
“I’m sorry again Dashie… Dash… I’ll stop trying, I promise.” She said as sat down on the ground. “Elliot. Octy. Could you take Ace and Ven home. It’s nearly time for din-dins. I’m sure the Cakes won’t mind if you stay for dinner too.”
“Um, sure Pinkie” replied Elliot. “Just promise me you won’t try and stay after hours again.”
“I won’t… I’m just going to talk for a while… say goodbye and…”
“Pinks! I said I didn’t remember you but I said I’d like to know you! I’d be lucky to have a friend like you… and… I just ‘friend-zoned’ you didn’t I? Whatever, you know what I mean! Just stop crying about it!” Dash yelled. She felt liek she'd only just met Pinks but she had to admit, she felt sometihng for her. anypony that would try this hard and be this crushed by what had happeend today must truly love her. "Listen... let's talk."
~ ~
It was almost the end of visiting hours now. Dash and Pinkie had talked for more. It hurt Pinkie but it made her happy. This wasn’t her Dash… but it was. She was the same pony she’d always been. A good friend, who wanted to be friends with her. Could Pinkie really ask for more? Even if she could; should she?
They’d agreed to be friends. Dash was going to move back in with Pinkie but into the spare room at Sugercube Corner. It would still be a while before she could though. It was unlikely she would be released from the hospital anytime soon. Dash felt obligated to stay with her children but Pinkie told her… no demanded, that if that was the only reason she was staying with her, that she wouldn’t be allowed to stay there.
It was weird, Dash couldn’t understand no matetr how much she tried. From Pinks’ point of view, Dash had gotten a fresh start without her. For some reason Pinks thought that she was better off without her, even though she had spent the entire day trying to get Dash to remember her. Pinks had cheated on her, but she had cheated on Pinks… maybe? That wasn’t quite clear. Either way it was a rough patch. But really, wasn’t that all it was? A rough patch?
“It’s getting late. I should get back to Doc-Oc. They’ll be worried about me if I stay much longer.”
“C’mon Pinks, you don’t have ta leave for another hour or so. You know everything about me, I wanna know about you.”
“Do you? Or are you just asking out of your stupid sense of loyalty!?... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell again.”
“It’s ok Pinks, I understand…”
“It’s not ok. We can’t just be friends! I love you! And if you don’t love me… I couldn’t stand to be around you like that… I’d go after another pony again, I know I would… I, I want you to choose. You can live with me still but if you don’t love me… I want you to look for a new home that isn’t with me or the kids.”
“Uh… Pinks, I don’t get you! You’re random as hay! So fine! I’ll find somewhere to live. I don’t even know what happened to my cloud house, I’ll just rebuild it if I have to. But I won’t disturb your already disturbed life! I’ll leave!”
“It’s for the best… right?”
“I don’t know… I guess it is.” Dash replied. But Pinkie didn’t hear Dash say it, she’d already started walking away to leave the room. “I just don’t understand her… never mind… never mind…? I don’t understand her? I don’t understand her! Pinkie!” Dash yelled! But she was already gone…
Dash had been trying to figure out this pink pony all day but nothing she did made any sense. But that was it exactly! Pinkie doesn’t make any sense… Dash had given up trying to make sense of her… and she remembered. How did that make sence? It didn't either! And that's why it worked. But she was gone now… and what Pinkie had just said, Dash doubted she would be back tomorrow.
Dash slowly started to cry. She’d been hurting Pinkie all day. Hurting her kids. Hurting Pinkie’s sister… Dash’s sisters too really. She wasn’t crying loudly, just tears, slow but plentiful. She stayed like this for an hour, maybe, she didn't really know how long it was. It could've been an hour a day or a minutes. She didn’t know how much time passed but it was getting dark now. It was low at first but she could hear it in her head… their song… not the music but the lyrics. The deeply. touching. lyrics.
In this quiet night, I’m waiting for you. Forgiving the past, and dreaming of you.
Time passes by, and memories fade. But time can’t erase, the love that we’ve made.
And the stars in the sky, that I wish upon can’t bring you back to my side.
Though you’re not here with me, I dream of the day we’ll meet again.
Dash realised… she wasn’t just hearing them… Pinkie was singing them. She was still here!
RD: Hold me close, so deep in your heart,
“Dashie?...”
RD: I will find you, no matter where I have to go.
And dream of me, for I will be there.
P: Follow the stars that lead…
RD/P: In to the quiet night…
“I love you pinkie.”
“I… I…”
P: I could watch you for a lifetime, you're my favourite pony.
A thousand endings, you mean everything to me.
RD: I never know what's coming, forever fascinated.
Hope you don't stop running, to me 'cause I'll always be waiting!
P: You are spectacular, I could watch you forever.
Action. Thriller. I could watch you forever!
RD: You are… ‘what you are’? An equestrian treasure.
Love you just the way you are
P: Dashie…
RD: Pinkie…
P: Stars spell out your name, like in a science fiction drama.
Romance growing, like a flower in the summer.
“oh pinkie…”
RD: You always keep me guessing; forever my wonder!
Hope you start undressing.
“oh dashie!...” ;)
All my dreams and take me under!
P: You are my spectacular, I could watch you forever.
Action. Thriller. I could watch you forever!
RD: You are… ‘what you are’? An equestrian treasure.
Love you just the way you are.
P: Dashie…
RD: Pinkie…
P: Never know what way you’re flying.
RD: Never know just quite what you’re saying…
P: Never know just quite what I’m saying!
RD/P: Never know, never know, never know…
P: You are spectacular, I could watch you forever.
Action. Thriller. I could watch you forever!
RD: You are… ‘what you are’? An Equetrian treasure.
Love you just the way you are.
“Dashie…”
“Pinkie…” was all Dash got out before Pinkie pulled her into a tight hug and placed a long, loving kiss on her lips. It meant everything to both of them.
“I love you Dashie! I love you more than… I can’t even compare you to anything I love you so much!”
Dash didn’t reply. Instead she just gathered all her strength and lifted her hoof up. It took so much effort, so much strain but it was worth it when her hoof finally came to a rest on Pinkie’s shoulder, just brushing her cheek. The moment was perfect. Nothing could ruin it.
“Oh no!” yelled Pinkie, not pulling away from the hug, instead tightening it a little.
“What’s wrong?” asked Dash.
“The writer just said nothing could ruin this moment! That means it’s totally about to get ruined!”
“Hahaha… I love how random you are…”
"Pinkie," Elliot called from the door. "It's time to leave."
"But Dashie..."
"It's ok Pinkie. I don't wanna get oyu in any trouble. You'll see me tomorrow after all. I can wait."
"But I can't... I haven't seen you, the real you in so long. I..."
"You have to... "Dash interupted. "how else can you dream of me?"
Pinkie smiled... a real, true Pinkie smile. Not force, or faked, or frauded or foed. "For you will be there..." Pinkie blinked and a tear tell from her eye. Her smile never disapeared though as she turn to the door for a second before quickly turning back to Dashie. "I love you." she said as she gave Dash a kiss on the cheek before she turned away once more. And without even noticing, without even trying, to she started forward. For the first time in longer than she could remember, she didn't walk out of the room...
She hopped.
