I'm a comic artist and illustrator. And my fav MLP is Rarity, also love Sparity. my dA http://pia-sama.deviantart.com
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Spike left Ponyville to live in Canterlot two years ago. Now he is back, and Rarity is stunned by what she sees. What happened before he left and what will happen now? What will Rarity do with her feelings, and how does he feel about her now?
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Oh yea i see somethin happening that envolves spike lookin hella hot and rarity wants dat-ass now after him bein gone for 2 years
I hate to nitpick, but this section feels a bit oddly written, like, it uses some terms of phrase that seem very odd to a native English speaker.
If you don't mind, I suppose I'd propose a rewrite:
But perhaps that isn't quite what you were going for.
Ha, this is a fun storyline so far. Please do continue on with this lovely tale.
2068687
hahaha congratulations compadre!!!
2068734
umm ok
2068826
wow I really really like the changes... I'm spanish talker although I have the help of few editors, and also I'm more into drawing so this is so new for me, so thanks a lot for your help!
2068915
welcome! hope ya like!
2068990
Off course I will, darling
2069093
why thankya!
MOAR MOAR I TELL YOU
2069882
it will be more : )
Spike left Ponyville to live in Canterlot two years ago. Forward to the story!
Ha! I love it! Why do you always update when I'm not online, Pia?
Oh well. Things were about to get hot and heavy werent they? 
I love the anime style nosebleed Rarity got. Hilarious! I'll be looking out for this one!
You could use a proofreader, for a number of small mistakes, but overall, nicely done. Very, very interesting and sexy, looking forward to more.
2070993
This comes to mind for Rarity here:
2072185 Care to explain what magical powers brought me here? Was it to show that you used that awesome video I showed you?
Also... PIA-CHAN! WHAT THE HELL? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME Y'ALL WROTE A SPARITY??!?!
I like to support my awesome and dedicated fans. which you are one of.
Fan-fucking-tastic! Must read more!
PS Racko sent me here. I am glad he did
2072290
The story is what brought you here. One of the reasons I used that video is to pull you here.
That and we both know you have no life.
Nose bleed LOL
Te pasaste
ALL OF MY YES!
Ah-hem.... This was very good. When can we expect more?
2070785
just hope not to dissapoint ya
okey dokey, the funny thing is I put it like that and later I changed it lol thankya!
2070978
well I don't know darling xD and pls update your story NOW!!
2070993
well i have 2 proofreader lol imagine if I wouldn't have anypony xP
2072185
oh I was so used to see Rarity I forgot she was always so like... well, her! xD
2072290
well I didn't know you'd care, I even have another fic and it'salso Sparity lol wait wow almost all my fav writers are here, I feel like I'm a very important pony :D I'll be the toast of the town, the girl on the go, I'm the type of pony everypony, everypony should know
and well I'm very happy you like my story ^^
2073518
no se por q pero creo q Rarity con nosebleed sería de lo más gracioso del universo xDD
2074023
of course darling
2075695 I know the feelings, lol. Proofreaders, makings writers look a lot smarter than they are since... FOREVER
2077207
imagine how silly i am... having 2 and still being not very smart xDDD
2078267 Oh, I think you might be selling yourself a bit short there
Infinte yes, must HaVe MOAR.
2090150
i'm working on it right now : )
You really have a cartoonist's mindset for this! Your paragraphs are mostly arranged in panel-sized snippets that the mind can easily build into images. The internal dialog is pretty well done, especially since you as an author are probably used to "thinking" in a completely different language.
A small point for your consideration. You use contractions in narration, for example "That’s when Spike, in a heroic attempt to save...". While contractions are great for internal dialog such as "She couldn’t do that, it was so un-lady like!", the actual story's narration usually benefits if it has a distinctly dignified manner of writing. This helps separate descriptions of what is happening from a character's own thoughts. A contraction is a part of speech that indicates informality, and an omnipresent narrator is usually quite formal!
On the whole, a solid read! Even humanized and muscle-enhanced, Spike is still a humble boy with a crush. You did pretty good on Rarity's character too, but she actually seems a bit too calm. Rolling about on her bed and spying on him in the shower is well and good, but this is the mare who falls to pieces over a missing ribbon! One could easily see her clawing at the walls or kissing a pillow before throwing it across the room in horror.
2130774
will take your points into conssideration, also I have some people better than me for writing so hope next chapters will be better written.
well I'm a cartoonist lol I use to make comics, so it's my first attempt on writing (or second if i take into account my other fic I'm writing parallel with this one), since making comics takes a lot more of time and nobody can help me in the whole process. So I wanted to throw my ideas in a fanfic, and has been a good experience, although I've discovered over the process is not as easy as I thought it was. So thanks for your tips, although i didn't get if you liked the story or not
And wow, now I notice you're the one who writes that fic of the letters to Celestia! I love your story, can't wait for Celestia's response to Rarity's letter... you write with a lot of words I have to search in my bilingual dictionary xD so I guess you know what you're talking about so again thanks a lot for taking your time for commenting on my newbie story : D
2141567
Let me clarify myself. As to whether I like this story or not, in a word, yes. In two words, hades yes! There are a ton of Sparity stories out there, but most have tissue-thin plots. You actually try to put some context around the pair having a serious relationship, and acknowledge that there are some inherent difficulties. In other words, Rarity doesn't just fall over and beg Spike to scoop her up followed by a happily ever after. You make the lizzard-boy work for it!
Also, I meant it as high praise when I wrote that you have a "cartoonist's mindset". A problem I often find when reading a story is that whatever grand idea the author had in his head did not make it to the computer screen. You are very descriptive of the characters' actions and emotions, just like a comic book is made up of focused shots that tell the tale alongside brief bits of dialog and narration which compliment the images. This style of writing means the readers can easily reconstruct in their minds what you see in yours.
I need to clarify something else. You're certainly not a newbie, especially not compared to me. You have six times the followers last I checked, over twice as many total story views, and a massive art portfolio. Heck, your drawings have even been featured on Equestria Daily. I just wanted to add a little helpful criticism in the hope that you'll continue to improve in your writing. Thanks for commenting on my newbie story!
2142661
and I really apreciate criticism, because it helps to improve. Always if you have a correction to do, I'm willing to accept it if I think it fits right, I'm always triying to improve the story even when a chapter was already published, so thanks a lot, now I'll take your tips in count for future chapters.
why thankya! I mean just wanted to get what you was saying, sometimes I just don't get the things in the right way
And you're a newbie? then you're really good, and I like how you have such an extensive vocabulary! So you cast Rarity very well
BAD SWEETIE BELLE!
Snooping is for Snoopy! Not You! 
You don't get any more coffee!
Wunderval chapter again Pia, hope you update soon
All these nosebleeds, it's like Japan up in here! A few repetition issues, but still very enthralling. Let the misunderstandings begin!
Hey, I've been waiting for the next chapter of this. Good show and can't wait for the next chapter!
-Minty-Mis
Great update as I do wonder what will happen next now that the CMC knows that Rarity's missing Spike dearly and that Rarity's own actions may have cost her a true chance at happiness.
Once again great job in this wonderful tale of yours as I can't wait to see what happens next in this story.
2197723
well this time the nosebleed was for a different reason, it could have been a hit in his forehead but the nose was better xD
2197702
i don't know why SB is always snooping in my fics in the fehst place
2198058
Rarity STOP FREAKING OUT! yeah right ladies do not freak out...
2198485
thankya, will correct now...
Hey good Job pia-chan, anyways by chance will you do a chapter on how everyone reacts to the new Spike when he arrives at Ponyvile?
2198801
that'd be interesting... I may give it a try...
Ahh also like reading these teen fics with the CMC going into detail about this stuff, always funny.
MORE CHAPTERS....please.
Great to see an update to this. Can't wait to see the reaction of the rest of the gang about Sweetie Bell's newest discovery
Also, another nose bleed? When did this story talk place in Japan
2200530
hjaha
nope, not japan
it was a hit in his nose, not same reason of Rarity's nosebleed
Hmmm....an excellent update, and in a timely manner.
Very well, sir/madam (select appropriate), you have my attention. *favorites*
2209831
I'm madam, thankya ; D
Oh man, new chapter WOO!
Didn't expect a picture but it pretty much sold it for me on his expression.
2258605
yep... I so should be sleeping right now... xD
2258647
it's just a suggestion, i wouldn't dare to oblige your own imagination!
That right there made my day.
Wonderful chapter Pia, and good job to Racko and your editors and your translator.
Hope to see this update soon
I'm sure there was another muscle working
This paragraph didn't get indented apparently. Also there's a few lacking extra spaces between.
I can't stop laughing!
Need to hug Shy beyond avoidable levels!
Unexpected... Unintentionally Fluttershy gets to play a matchmaker?! I really can't wait to see where it is going!
Man, who knew how close Spike was to the truth.
Nice update as I cannot wait to see more of this great story.
2259512 i have to ask, what was the machine gun horn?
2258878
is all what i can to say.
i wonder from what
unhollyplace that came from...2258904
now that of the kitchen is a contribution from IV lol he's a genius, that is.
oh I didn't quite get what you mean with that phrase you quoted... could you gimme a suggestion in that matter, if is not a trouble for you, of course?
2259367>>2259507
2259512
NO
2259708
you don't want to know, srsly
I have a feeling Fluttershy is going to Spike...
2259984
why would she? you're not the first one who thinks so... lol
*THUMP* I'm okay, I'm okay, just fell out of the chair from sheer pain in my sides.