Sure Diamond Tiara can be a bully at times, but it's not like she ever says anything that's untrue. Even if what she says it's mean she doesn't lie. It's like calling the fat kid fat, or calling the dumb kid dumb. Or in this case pointing out the little geeky girl's every flaw to the point where she has no self-esteem at all.
Who cares who she picks on? Twist, the CMC, even her best friend Silverspoon. She's completely justified and unapologetic in telling them all the truth.
But as morally righteous she may see herself, not everypony thinks the same way. Even the ones who did may eventually start to get annoyed with her. Especially when she says something just a little too harsh even for her.
New chapter every Saturday! Complete!
Proof read by The11thWonder
This is a spiritual prequel to Happy Anniversary Sug. It's based on a little sub/back story originally just brushed over in H.A.S. but not with the same exact back story.
Nice first chapter. It got me interested without a doubt.
This is getting interesting. Personally I think you did good on Silerspoon seeing as she has no set personality.
Keep it comin'
It's Silver Spoon with a space, btw. Same for AB
.
3334972 In theory... but I have another story that's 40 chapters of not going to change it now-ism.
Also it's Canterlot not Cantalot but same reason.
Shining Armor not Shining Armour seems it's a name.
And most importantly, I've been misspelling Arthurderpmanson as two words... I'm such an idiot
That last "had" certainly looks ominous.
It would appear miss Cheerilee suspects something.
And she's probably wrong.
3365664 Did it seems like I was impying Cheerilee thought Snips and snails did it?
Because if I did that was unintentional [I often write misdirectiosn but this is't one of them].
It's meant to be that the 'empty seat' next to those two that DT didn't want to take was Twist's seat and that's why she was looking at them.
A fitting end for a bully
eh, she'll be fine....... unless everyone just stands around like a bunch of nimkumpoops, that is.
Diamond Tiara must not be allowed to take the easy way out!
Manly tears were shed.
3669544 Oh... I can't wait for you to read the final chapter then!
This was honestly one of those stories I been waiting for completion. A couple questions about certain choices like the letter CMC found, and AB not blaming DT so sudden, though given the circumstances it took place in I took it more as a thing felt needed to be said AB to prevent another death and not actually wanting to have it on her conscience, given the way everything was going with how emotions were high and just all over the place I don't really know what to make of her prideful proclamation/guilt she felt..
The perks of reading a story like this only once its complete, is you have no real loose ends that rely on things being shown much later to fully fleshed out mostly all the smaller problems.
Yet that one sinking feeling that this story still sorta just feels incomplete keeps nawing at me. It may be unnecessary, but since AB didn't seem to know if Twist thought of her as a friend and if we assume the letter they found in the dairy was one of possible few potential attempts at writing to AB, maybe a first draft that left out certain pieces, I wouldn't be against seeing a "Bonus" chapter with DT handing AB the note and filling her in on what happened in the last moments. That could probably strain the new relationship, and not needed admittedly, but it has a lot of room for more emotional impact to warrant an AB and DT heart to heart.
The magic and flight are going to be hard to replicate afterwards but I imagine with time and proper guidance that they'll be just fine.
Aside from all that, this was a fabulous story. Love it. It really tackled a lot of what tends to happen to those with low self esteem and feel the way
felt in this story. The ending hit all the high notes, though. I had high hopes for this story and it gave me everything I wanted to see about consequences and the sometimes obliviousness of what some go by thinking are just harmless teasing or "they'll get over it". DT's calls for Silver Spoon asking if they were friends was very emotional for me. Very real. Great job. Really great job with this story. Shame many tend to avoid things that make you sad, this story deserves way more views. I'll be sure to recommend this one to others.
How appropriate it is that death is associated with the color black. When you add black to any other color, you make that color darker, and when it comes to writing, death is the same way. You throw in one death to even the most mundane slice of life story, and just watch how much darker it becomes when you play it straight. So then, if death is black, what color is suicide? Because when you play that one straight, good luck finding any happiness in your story ever again.
Let's start with a general synopsis of the story. Silver Spoon and Diamond have a falling out. Then Twist kills herself after Diamond basically tells her to do so. Diamond finds out after reading Twist's suicide letter and tries to kill herself. The CMC save her, Silver and Diamond make up, they all become friends, and everyone concludes that Twist's death isn't Diamond's fault after all.
My first impression of this story is that it's spearheaded by its moral rather than its story or characters. I'm sure the fact that it's a prequel to your other story is part of the reason, but everything from the plot to the characters seems tailored to resemble a typical after-school special on suicide. Diamond's character represents the bully that teases others to make herself feel better and hide her depression, Twist represents the victim who is bullied into doing the deed, Apple Bloom is the friend of the victim who feels intense hatred against the bully, etc. The only character who seems to break the mold of the standard format is Silver Spoon, the friend of the bully who participated in the teasing but genuinely wants to help her friend get through her problems. It's an archetype I'm not overly familiar with, and it helped add some flavor to this otherwise straightforward story.
Seeing as how the moral is so important to this story, having a strong moral is key to the story's success. For the most part, I think this story's main moral works well. The strongest moral I picked up revolves around friendship and how friendship has the power to pull people out of their depression regardless of how far they've fallen. It doesn't declare any absolutes and provides a lesson that reflects reality. As far as morals go, it seems very solid. However, there was another one I picked up on that worked less well.
Blame is a strong theme in this story. Pretty much everyone blames Diamond Tiara for Twist's death, including Diamond herself. That's why she decides to kill herself. However, by the end of the story, everyone unanimously concludes that Diamond isn't to blame after Apple Bloom makes a speech that includes the following quote:
Apple Bloom says that she is to blame instead, and...that's it. That's the final word on the subject. No agreement, no disagreement, not even a random comment. We're just left to assume that Apple Bloom continued to blame herself for Twist's death and everyone else did too. If the issue is addressed in your other story, you'll have to excuse me, but the moral I'm getting from this is that when tragedy strikes, it's important to have a scapegoat. When your loved one dies, you need something to hate. Somebody has to be vilified or people will just break down. It's not exactly the kind of moral I can get behind, and while it's really more of an implied message than a direct one, the fact that no one commented on it or offered any counterargument means the story's in favor of the message by default. I guess it would come down to a philosophical argument to determine if this is truly bad for the story, but I personally think having someone say something in regards to Apple Bloom's speech one way or the other would be beneficial.
Aside from the primary moral, what I like most about this story is how you pulled off Diamond's turnaround. You started this story with a Diamond Tiara who's many times more malicious and insecure than the show would have us believe, even to the point of her hating herself at a suicidal level. After Twist kills herself, we witness the full extent of her depression as she tries to deal with her loneliness alone. Then, by the end of the story, we end up with a quote like this:
This story confronts one of the darkest subject matters of writing in existence and manages to end things on an optimistic note. However, it doesn't attempt to ignore or forget the darkness in order to achieve its happy ending. In other words, it doesn't cheat. Twist is still dead. What Diamond did was still horrible. The emotional shadow of grief and misery still looms over them all. However, the true murderer, the isolation and depression that resulted in Twist's death, has been slain, and now those affected have a chance to move forward. It's a bittersweet ending, exactly the kind of ending a story like this needs.
As for what I had the most problem with, this story is held back by a notable lack of subtlety, which is really what gives it the feeling of an after-school special. Everyone's emotions are transparent, because we're told what they are as soon as they come into existence. Apple Bloom's furious when she yells at Diamond by the counselor office, Diamond's furious at Apple Bloom when AB tries to console her about losing Silver Spoon, and Twist hates Diamond Tiara and the greeting she receives from her. All of these emotions are outright stated, not implied. It's like making your characters wear giant sandwich signs that label how they're feeling at all times. It removes the ability for the reader to determine how they are feeling based on their speech and body language, thereby making it feel less real and more pandering. If we're omnisciently following a character, it's okay to say what's going through their mind, but you want to avoid blanket statements like "She was sad" and "He was angry". They make an emotional scene less interesting, and emotional scenes should be the ones your reader is most interested to read.
I'm not exactly sure what Silver Spoon was doing while Diamond was trying to kill herself. I guess Diamond asked her to give her a minute so she could find time to materialize a rope from nowhere. Or maybe the rope was Diamond's gift for Silver's next Diamond Day. If that were true, I guess I'd finally understand why the story's titled the way it is.
A few grammar problems here and there, but nothing that makes the story unreadable. There's a bit too much avoidance of 'said' in the dialogue tags, but that's an issue of style rather than syntax. I did have more to say, but I believe this review is sufficiently long enough. If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask.
As a final note, I'd call this story a dark chocolate peppermint. It's entirely coated in darkness, but it manages to end on a refreshing note. I'd also like to say good job, especially since dark chocolate isn't the easiest ingredient to effectively use.
Make the most!
3717798 In regards to Applebloom blaming herself and it's never addressed, just to be assumed that she still does: technically she does but it's more of a 'oops, I didn't think of it that way' than her actually feeling that way intentionally.
The needing someone to blame aspect is pulled from Scrubs and is probably why I didn't think about it. The line from Scrubs was [paraphrasing] 'I know it's not your fault, hell they even know it's not your fault, they just need someone to blame!' said by Dr. Coxx to JD meaning that it's no one's fault in particular, just that blaming someone is a coping mechanism.
If I can find a way to shoe-horn it in without making it feel like it was shoe-horned in I will, otherwise, let's just say that Applejack said something to her when they hugged, DT just didn't hear it.
It's not exactly a good moral, but I think it an accurate one.
As for the loneliness being the main 'bad guy' I agree and I would argue that Snips and Snails lost more than anyone else, seems they where actually friends with her. Aside from Bon-bon and her parents they lost the most.
I was trying to put this more eloquently but I couldn't so I'll just say it out right. I feel they would be hit by the loneliness now themselves, despite the fact that they still have each other [friends, brothers, whatever they are].
Lastly, the use of the word 'rope' was more of a place holder. I imagine it actually being a sheet from her bed or something but in the heat of the moment you're not going to say "Cut the damn rope!" "Actually, Scootaloo, it's a sheet." "STFU and cut it you dictionary and/or thesaurus!"
While you're right about me stating the emotions the character had, this a flimsy comparison at best but, I find it ironic that it's something that I implied and it was mistake.
P.S. 3712021 though I didn't respond to your comment the same way, I very much appreciate it too.
this all would of been avoided if applebloom would of let her go to conseling
grrreat story btw
warning!this chapter contains applebitch
,read at your own risk
Well done, I love this kind of story that somehow makes you feel alive, full of feelings.
great start. Very captivating.
I've been studying Silver Spoon since "Call of The Cutie" taking in every smidgeon and snippet of personality that she has shown apart from Diamond. After "Crusaders of The Lost Mark" which went similarly between Diamond and Silver I think you wrote Silver Spoon just perfect!
3344223 well given that there is a tragedy tag i can guess why it's past tense.
yep.. thats what I was afraid of.
4961990 nope I think Applebloom was clearly justified in how she responded to DT given the circumstances.
as good as it is i was hoping not to read another story like this for a while. The "Diamond Exchange" has an eerily similar premise.
I.. don't know how to feel quite frankly.
"I'm tho glad my thuithi.. death could bring thothe guyth clother together.."
knowing what i know of Twist she would look on the bright side, even in death.
okay this is the only statement I've had a problem with the entire story. spoiler]I had ignored the fact that there was inexplicably two copies of the suicide note. One that was left on Twist's desk and one that Diamond Tiara picked up that she had discarded during their last meeting.
However it was CLEAR in that note that Twist was accepting that she and Applebloom were no longer friends and even absolved of her of any guilt for breaking up with her. So there should be NO doubt Applebloom's mind that Twist felt that she had no friends and derived to die alone.
Why a closed casket? She swallowed pills, it's not like she took a nose dive into a wood chipper or something. I know that wasn't funny.. I'm choosing to fight this grief with humor.
7157456 I probably didn't explain it well but in my mind the first note she was going to deliver, maybe in the hopes of being proven wrong the second note was after DT got the first and she just didn't care enough after that to deliver it.
7157934 oh yes that tragically makes sense. Well done. And I meant deserved not derived (damn auto correct). But yes all my feels for both Twist and Diamond.