Dusk Shine Gets injured in an accident in the library. Later, in the hospital, he finds he needs the help of a friend while he recovers. Rainbow Blitz is the only one there who doesn't have anything he has to do, so he politely agrees to help his friend. What he doesn't know is that his friend likes him as more than just a friend.
Thanks to all readers and editors alike. Without your support I don't know where I'd be now.
Editors:
My editor was not actually from this site, but a close friend of mine. I really have to thank him so much for doing that for me. Thanks for the great job dude.
Chapters (5)
Before I even get started, I would like to point this out.
Ins't this a Rule 63 story?
4736384 Yup. Just saw it and fixed it. Thanks for pointing that out
Hmm... okay you have my attention. Continue.
geekinitiative.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/curiosity.jpg
Okay, not bad. Although I advise you to take a look at this again over as few grammar issues. But other then that. At least you do have a start.
For the sake of trying things new, I'll read a R63 TwiDash.
But being a Guy might make things awkward.
EDIT: Never mind!!!!! Write moar! !! Plzzzzzzzzzzzz!!
Pro Tip; do some research. In this case, go to the CDC website and search up concussions, there's a lot of useful information in there to help you with this chapter, specifically why Dusk needs someone to stay with him.
Not like he like he liked his friends.
Should be; Not like he liked his friends.
Me likes it! I've always been a fan of Rain/Shine
So, who was Elusive fucking?
I think you made a bit of a mistake there.
Missing word.
4792628 What?!
Did you just referenced Magic: the Gathering? *nerdgasm*
4792628 That..... Is an excellent question.
Holy shit, Spines is MLG Magic: The Gathering.
Incorrect pronoun
you never refer to time in present tense; should be read
Pinkie?! (how did she get her in this r63ed universe...) also missing a noun/ pronoun
I know that Pinky doesn't care for the laws of physics. But she can change gender at will too?
edit: It seems that I was too slow...
I loved that phrase though!
I’m not that much into two stallions as I am with two mares. But I really like your story so far.
5367603
5367619 Thank you both for pointing those out. I'll be sure to change them ASAP
Beginning to lose faith in this. Everything happens so fast, and there's no buildup.
5367748 One of the things I wanted to do with this was remove all the doubt the pair had about actually admitting their feelings for each other. It war starting to really piss me of having to read so much of any two sitting in their opposite corners, "building the confidence" to talk to the other. They're already friends. Why should it be awkward between them? I guess it's just my opinion and style of writing, so I don't really care if you don't like it.
Daw! Its so cute! I love this.
5367786 I understand that, but there's really nothing going on in the story. Has nothing happened during Dusk's recovery period? You're four chapters in, and two things have happened, with no buildup to anything major happening. Part of any story is a problem, and none has been presented, so far.
5368876 What ideas do you have? I could certainly write something in. I really couldn't think of much to put in there. I mean Dusk can't really do much with his injury.
Never, ever have more than one person speaking in the same paragraph.
5380691
Um... I think you mean line. It's perfectly acceptable for two people to be speaking in the same paragraph, so long as it is on a separate line. Unless it's a different rule where you come from? I've always been taught the above.
E.g.
"Man, my stomach has been rumbling for hours. When's lunch?" Blitz grumbled loudly. The purple unicorn walking beside him snorted, before glancing at him laughingly. "How would you know if it's been rumbling for hours or not? You've only just woken up!" He replied, unable to suppress the grin slowly forming on his face. "I've never known anyone sleep for so long before. It's incredible!" Dusk continued, his eyes sparkling with mirth.
5697308
Actually no, it's a pretty definitive rule to written English that you should never have two different speakers in the same paragraph. You'll be hard pressed to find published works with a paragraph like your example,, and every single editor on this site will tell you that paragraph is wrong.
hmmm.......... looks like a ded story here...