She had been alone for many years without a place to call her own. Luckily she found a place to call home, and even though it wasn't perfect she would do everything she could to make it so. Though she had been warned to avoid these lands by one close to her this was a chance that was too good to pass up. Through the use of her wits and life experiences, and maybe a bit of luck, she fights with everything she has to find her place, even though she knows not where that should be.
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First attempt at a story, so expect the tags to change as I figure them out. First of three planned parts, this one being closer to a Slice of Life with a bit of Adventure thrown in occasionally. Also AR as I will reorder the episodes to be more time friendly, lengthening the time as 1 year for 3 season is not enough time, as well as throwing out certain episodes due to reasons. Mostly ones that don't really fit the characters like they should or are just blatant toy grabs. So the AJ going crazy overprotective of AB probably won't happen. Story will also focus around the main character with interactions with others, but trying to not overly interfere with the main plot, except where it could be funny.
Warning: Tags will change when appropriate, Teen so I don't have to hold back too much on language, themes, and jokes, Sex tag may or may not come into play, though there just to be safe though most that will be there is innuendo.
I'm here! :3
Uh... Good work so far! And uh, consider getting an editor. :3
.. I'm not good when I'm put in the spotlight :<
I'm enjoying this story and hope you keep updating.
Am i right in thinking that the main character is a Kitsune?
4191476 Yeah an editor would be a nice thing for me to get. Right now I only have a paperclip helping me, and I have to hold a funeral for three of them every time Pinkie speaks.
Uh oh, return of Flutterbat?
And as for your CMC question i've always been partial to Scootaloo
Hmm, perhaps a changeling child?
Oh yes, and interesting as always, thank you for the update. ^^
4225981
I think she means a parasprite mate.
Called it.
Now for my next guess.
My guess is that the foal is the remnants of the nightmare moon armour or something.
Aaaaand done. Well what's there anyway.
Gotta say, this is a really interesting story and I have no idea why more people aren't reading it. For the most part the characters act as they should with very little variation to how they're portrayed in the show. The plot is interesting though the summary could use a
littlelot of work, may as well re-write the whole thing. Your main character is likable as well, she seems like a cross that's sorta like 3 parts Twilight, 1 part Rainbow Dash and 1 part Maud. Even then she has some very unique traits and it's great to see a story where a character looks at the different uses of spells other than what's written in the books.So yeah, good story, good characters, good cohesion between chapters, couple mistakes here and there, some sentences should probably be re-worded and that's it.
Also, for my final guess: (Censored just in case)
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN
I guess that Flossy (My nickname for the main character because Florenzia or whatever is annoying to remember) is in fact a Draconequus. Possibly even a half Draconequus with some other species or something. My main reason being her slight affinity for
funchaos.4261579
I was referring to the Little One in the Castle of the Pony Sisters.
Sorry i wasn't clear
4261704 Thanks for the comments. The summary I know I really need to redo, should probably take some time out to do that if I can think of something good for it. It's good to know I seem to be doing something right in my writing, and sometime I'll go back through it all to see what can be rewritten better. As for the characters I try my best to keep them as close to how they are represented in the show, which is rather tough to do. There might be some variations later on with some of them, but it shouldn't be a drastic break in character of them though. For the main character I'm still fleshing everything out with her as I've hinted at some issues in her past that will be told later and has had some impact on how she does things. Also the spell bit is something I've been wanting to see done but never see people really try. It stems from my habit of looking at superheroes that just waste their powers in generic ways, that and how One Peace deals with powers in unique ways. As for what the main character is, well that will be revealed sometime during the Season 2 period, sometime after Discord shows which I have a fun little bit planned for Mr Predictable there.
4270940
(I guess the former).
Well then.
If there's one thing I'm critical of it's Discord, just remember to have fun with him. Whether he's messing with others or Flossy is messing with him.
Not much to say really besides I completely agree with you on the powers thing, it's ridiculous to see them have a problem that's easily solved with just a bit of imagination. The one time I saw a superhero use their powers in a new way was when I saw the Flash vibrate the atoms in his body to slip through solid surfaces. Technically he would just catch fire or turn into a gas but still, good to see.
Alternative use for a cohesion (glue) spell: possibly causing an effect from another spell to stick to a character such as telekinetically lifting something then sticking it to either the spell or the atoms around it so it stays in place even when the spell is cut off. Heck you could probably use it to stick different atoms together to create compounds.
Just felt like throwing my two bits in.
Keep up the good work ma'am/ol' chap
4271030 Oh trust me, I have a fun use planned for the glue spell later, specifically during the Canterlot wedding which I've already left a tiny hint about in the story. Though surprisingly another hint I left about a minor plot bit I am doing was missed, but is being revealed in the next chapter. Probably should be putting it up by Wed at the latest.
4271275 Darn, that's new anime day haha. So I'm not sure if I'll read it until thursday. Still, good luck on it and happy travels even though you probably aren't traveling
.
You might want to re-word the second sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph, just sayin'.
Other than a few minor mistakes here and there the story was great and the backstory was nice.
Caught the Story of the Blanks when you first mentioned a town in the... last chapter I think, so it's nice to see you continue with that and build more upon it.
4276509 Yeah, thanks for that at the beginning there. It sounded better when I first went through it. Changed the wording some so it flows a little better. Story of the Blanks was a really good story, ine that I felt would make a great episode if not for the rating. So little is done with it that I just felt the need to use it a bit.
Pondered*
There were some other mistakes but I'm too lazy to go up to the story then back down to the comment thingie.
The colour-swapping thing is kewl but without a point of reference, which you provided in the first or second chapter, it's just annoying and confusing. To remedy this I'd suggest some coverart of some sort so long as it isn't the traditional 'used pony creator with the first background available' thing some people like to use. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind coverart being made there but it get's annoying seeing a bunch of ponies with the exact same background of wither Ponyville or some random tree.
4281806 Whoops, missed that and now fixed it. Though I do agree about how the color swapping could be confusing, it'll be fully explained later on with the reason of why it happens. It'll make a lot of sense by then. I've been sort of avoiding the cover art as well since the only things I have right now, are the pony creator things you mentioned. I was planning to try and get someone I know to draw up the cutie mark though and use that for the image until I got something better.
4281835
.
I'd offer to help but I don't have photoshop at the moment sorry, I can use it, but I don't have it.
Other than that all I can do is edit, so just make sure she looks as awesome as she sounds haha
Using accident twice in one sentence is a bit redundant.
Fluttershy is one word.
I would have rather done it.
things turned out better this way rather than trying to fumble through awkwardly in a different way, blahblahblah.
swap the fullstop with a comma.
The next morning I wake up to
simple scan to see how injured I really am.
but they can usually drive it off."
set*
but not before I grab a pair of saddlebags for her from what I could pick from the garden today.
Few mistakes here and there but overall the chapter was good and provided insight on runic spells.
4292712 Oof, worse than it usually is there. Thanks again for that though. I'm partially grabbing things out of my memory as well as a few things that feel like it would work for this type of spell casting. Honestly it's really an underdone type of spell casting as it usually would let you do much more with less. It also works well to focus the effects of a spell into a smaller area even if it's a simple one. Simplest that comes to mind is Explosion Array from some of the Slayers OVAs, big boom in small area.
4292760
. I'd bvolunteer but... um... actually yea I volunteer.
It probably only looks worse because I decided not to be that lazy today. Honestly though, get an editor
Honestly though are the runes separate images pertaining to different types and conditions or are they a form of lettering. For example; fire rune + water rune + unicorn rune + x distance rune + y distance rune = teleport in a puff of smoke to new location or is it more like writing words in a different language?
4292776 It's actually a little bit of both. Each rune has it's own meaning or word that pertains to them. Most of the time though a five point circle is used, and at each point sits the rune for one of the four basic elements as well as magic for the fifth. Though I will say at least my grammar and spelling is still a bit better than some of the stories I've seen around. Just the basic use of spell check helps for that.
4293971
Hmm.
Is it absolutely necessary to have a rune for each element for each point? For example if you got rid of the rune for water and added another magic rune, would that have an effect on the spell other than a complete failure?
No idea why I'm so interested in this...
Also, I've noticed that. There are actually a fair few stories that have incredibly bad spelling, grammar and even wording, to the point it feels like the author just have up.
4294047 Well while it would be theoretically possible to replace the main runes like that, it's generally not a good idea as the main purpose of them is to stabilize the circle. You could however use another pattern of matching runes for a similar purpose, but then there would be less flexibility in what could be done with it then. An example being a six pointed circle using the runes for each of the Elements of Harmony would work, but you'd be limited in doing things that don't contradict harmony. Thinking about that it's technically how the Elements of Harmony actually work, they are like a portable magic circle that tries to balance out things that are outside of harmony, with the possibility of not doing a thing to targets that are already in harmony.
Well damn. I completely guessed who the filly was and then it was made obvious. I really only got it after reading another fic recently though. Is she Nyx? The remains of nightmare moon? And my new guess for Flossy is that she is in fact a Yuki Onna, snow woman, whatever, if not then I feel silly.
I guess Flossy will be helping with ploughing snow, because maybe.
.
Interesting turn for the story, nice cliff-hanger and whatnot
4315336 Well you are at least in the right general mythology there. I still haven't decided on the filly's name yet, though that one is tempting as it's the only name I've seen used so far.
4315372 Well I'm thinking something a bit different here as there seems to be something missing when you look at winter wrap-up as a whole. So as is often said in business, find a need and fill it. Though not like it gets implied in the Heartbreak stories
4315768
Hmmm...... A missing role.....
Then perhaps- no that wouldn't work....
I am thoroughly stumped......
I really have no idea, probably because I've only seen snow once though that's really no excuse.
Taking down the mistletoes perhaps?
And no idea what the Heartbreak series is either.
Argh this is frustrating. I give up!
A benchwarmer....
.
.
Seriously? I mean, it's a brilliant idea and all, fantastic even, but you didn't need to tease it so much.
Meanie
Anynoodles. great chapter again and that is definitely an interesting introduction at the end. Can't wait to see what they're like
Huh, hadn't expected that name for them. also, when are you going to do the big reveal of her true form?
4326320 It's coming, though I'm not sure how many chapter until then yet. I still have one more thing teasing about it though which should be in a couple chapters. It shouldn't be long after Luna shows up for Nightmare Night though, most likely between that and the Hearth's Warming Eve episode.
No idea what to say really.
Interesting chapter...again...
Seems a bit odd though that she would risk selling the enchantments to the royal guard when the princesses may want to see their supplier to avoid any accidents or tamperings.
4326528 Sure it may be risky, but who else should they be sold to? Selling ones of that type anywhere would cause problems, this is just the least risky. Also with how busy the princesses would be it is unlikely that they would investigate themselves, instead they'd send an expert to check on it. So it really isn't as risky as you'd think seeing as it would most likely be Twilight or an upper level Guard checking things out, and then have escorts with someone to check for problems for any future deliveries.
4326556
True, I guess I'm a bit cautious is all.
Goddammit. Flossy is a Kitsune isn't she? The trickster-fox-deity things? I had a suspicion from the cutie mark but I just shrugged it off as 'foreign knowlege'.
I can't help but think that if Flossy was a lesser being she would find a way to curve the spell that limits the zombies around her house for night-time protection.
4331559 Well you'll just have to wait to find out for sure.
The most recent chapter I put up throws a bit of a curve out there, and interestingly enough is the last chapter full within the confines of Season 1. I am currently writing up the next one and for now I have nothing to add to the last few episodes so expect some fun with everybody's favorite voice of Mr. John De Lancie <.< How much fun I'm not sure yet, but the fun part is trying to get his attitude down correctly. I'm expecting some disappointments from it though so hopefully the explanation I leave will appease them a bit 
What?
4335288
But I can't wait! That takes time and money, but mostly time.
Expect heavy criticism when it comes to Dissy.
Well I gotta say, Discord was... not that disappointing actually
. Usually I can find some glaring mistake about his personality but, you seem to almost get it perfect. Huh.
What character reveal chapter? Did I miss an author note somewhere?
Well in that case I vote scoot-, swee-, hmm. I can't seem to decide so gimme a minute.
I pick Scootaloo.
4336113 Well good to know I didn't screw him up too badly then, and with your vote that makes two for Scootaloo. I probably won't see many more votes considering the view count, but at least the chapter will be easier to put together, if not easier to write.
Also the reveal chapter is for revealing what she really is, which at the current rate should be within the next three or four I believe.
Of course now I have another problem. As it is obvious who the filly in the castle is, she is going to need a name. The old one of course no longer fits, and while Nyx would be a great one, I would rather not step on Pen Stroke's toes for it as he got to it first. I have a couple ideas but will be looking out for more just in case though there aren't many female gods of the moon/night/dreams that would fit well.
Ummmm what?
4369235 That would be my brain burning out for whatever reason, and the grammar checker being crappy. Fixed now though with slightly better wording.
At a glance I don't think there were any mistakes, but I have too many other things to edit properly to make sure so you might want a second opinion.
Frikkin' called it by the way.
Pale Mare? Well at least it wasn't Binky.
Not much else to say besides t'was a good chapter.
Don't worry about the lack of huge comment sections that most even remotely popular stories gather, your story just has all the conservative readers who prefer to read good stories than spend lots of time commenting.
Put it this way: a good eee portion of commemters on high traffic comment sections are usually complaining or not adding anything constructive.
I really like this story so far, even if it is a bit far paced in places. I don't always want a 15k word chapter describing half an average day. This is nice.
4393914 Sure the comments may not always be useful, but considering the trainwreck the original first chapter started out as which was pointed out to me...
As for the pacing, while it does speed up at times, I feel that it is a bit more realistic than having things happen day after day constantly. Take Daring Do for example, while each of the books may be a bit fast paced they all don't happen in rapid succession. There are potentially months or even years between the different books which isn't gone into. I forget the exact quote to explain this, but it was something like 'Adventure is long periods of boredom, interspersed with small periods of action.'
4394227 i know, right?
In real life, I don't remember every second of every day, just what makes it different from every other day.
It's nice to read a faster paced story that isn't just fast because the author can't describe details.
Your story is in my favorites for actually being a favorite, not because I don't use the read later function. I like it.
Sorry for any errors in my comments btw, i'm using a touch screen phone that has tiny buttons ( compared to my tablet ) and it lags too much for me to use the edit function. I'm surprised I can type this well with the screen flickering between other tabs as it is.
I don't know why, but 'HornPony' made me laugh for like 10 minutes... then another 10 when i thought of 'WingPony' And about 3 minutes of laughing at my own 'horn-wing-bigpony' then i spent 2 minutes choking on gold fish that i happened to be eating.
Well Mr.Author, this has to be the FIRST story in almost 4 years that I have actually passed out wile reading.... I just could not 'put it down' and go to sleep.... Needless to say, i rolled all over my keyboard and mouse, and did things i don't even know how to do, but this little blub all in itself says great work.
Why are there not more people liking/faving this? This is good, or if you are the downer type, better than the downright smut that I keep stumbling upon if a worringly increased amount these days.
Gotta love run-on sentences.
Give twilight a restraining order and tell dash that Selene is a fan, easy.