This story is a sequel to CCC-To Find Her Place
A lot has happened in 500 years as Flarenza is about to learn. Friends became enemies and enemies became friends and she gets caught in the middle of it all. How will she deal with not only that but another couple surprises thrown her way in a world that has changed so much. Or has it?
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An exciting continuation of your previous venture. The last story was riveting. The way it was written gave it a feel of being a lead-in to this story, which, I suppose, it was. The way it ended... It left you reeling at her loss and questioning her future. This story appears to continue your trend of improvement in writing. The way you slowly release information on Equestria's plight leaves the reader with many questions. I am shaking with anticipation for her eventual reunion with Twilight, so make it good! Though I do not doubt you will. There were a few writing flaws that could be ironed out throughout all three stories, little quirks that even the best author is likely to miss. I good pre-reader would help with that. The only major issue I have is concerning emotional response. Her husband, parents-in-law, and countless others all died recently. On top of that she just lost what was her home for roughly the past five-hundred years. Yet here she is, back in Ponyville, traipsing around like nothing happened, self-assured, happy even. There should be some breaks unless she has secretly been a sociopath this whole time. I'm not saying she should be a weepy wreck, her character is too strong for that when she is needed, but at the very least a bit depressed, not so open to other ponies. Perhaps you have a plan already, but from my observation, she is taking it all a bit too well, there should be an underlying sadness in her actions. In anycase, this story is unique and interesting, I eagerly await the next installment, until next time, HgSpartan
5477653 Thanks for the comment and yeah I have been improving over this all as I test out different things. I see what you mean about the happiness but think of it this way. She's coming back to the place she once thought of as home and is practically immersed in her memories of it all. Don't worry the breakdown is coming but she won't be alone during it. As for Twilight... Well I'm still planning some of that out but expect a bit of hilarity as well as a temporary return of another old friend.
damn cliffhangers D:
hope further chapters come soon
A lot of your characters have really similar "voices". It's hard to tell who's talking, since there's not much, if any, difference in their speech.
It's really clear when Aurora and Flarenza are talking; you can't get a feel for Aurora's personality, since she sounds like Flarenza.
I hate you, so, much, right now. You are a despicable being whose cliffhanging powers are second to none. You mean, meany, meaner-face. *Grumbles under breath*
MOAR!!!???!!??!?!?? please.....?
Yay! More chapters! At some point you may want to pick up a book on writing. Or look it up on the internet, heck even comparing to published works will do! Something in your writing leaves an odd feeling in my head that I can't seem to nail down, perhaps I'm just odd. And I think that each quote is supposed to begin a new line. Not sure on that rule so you should check up on that if you care. Still, good stuff! Better'n mine! (My foray into literatire writing includes about five paragraphs of an aimless Fimfic I started over a year ago and a school project gone wrong!) Forgive me if my comments are less than helpful, I usually don't comment, and never this frequently on one story. Sprockets in the North is probably the only other fic that I have done anything similar on. Until next time! HgSpartan
5492770 I think I might see what you mean a little. Looking at other stories they do often have most things on different lines while I've been doing a new paragraph only when the basis of the paragraph changes. It really makes mine looks a bit more inflated or clumpy I guess.
That last line is phenomenal. Space moneys indeed!
I always am disappointed when I reach the end of what is written. I still think there should ne more of a sad undercurrent, but other than that it's all good. Keep it up!
Seaponies! The reason for the pirates success perhaps? Thanks for trying to add in more emotional stuff. It's all a bit more engaging when the characters emotions are believable. Keep it up!
Hah! I saw that coming! Somehow... maybe a hunch? In anycase, YES! The royal family of Sionnach lives! WOOHOO!
5533496 Well I did leave a few hints on that in a couple chapters.
5533868 Aha! I thought as much. Just couldn't remember off the top of my head.
That past heros spell is awesome. I almost teared up a bit when RD showed up. Good ol' RD... Shouldn't unraveling the necromancy spell be simple for an incredibly powerful kitsune with knowledge of necromancy? Usually it's not that hard to banish weak undead, especially considering these were summoned by griffons.
5540477 Well she could have stopped it, but pregnancy and necromancy are generally two things you want to keep apart. And don't forget that there were rebel unicorns and centaurs in the enemy forces so there wouldn't be just one necromancer. Luna would be able to drive off a couple but she can't be everywhere at once. There are a couple other reasons for the spell as well, and I'll probably be using one or two of them in the chapters to come.
5540508 Ahh, I guess that makes sense. One caster cannot negate the individual spells of so many so easily. And babies make everything harder.
Yay! Feels like forever since the last one. Didn't see any typos, but I coulda missed 'em. There is that little thing that bothers me. Some of your dialog feels canned, it could just be me. I wish I could give you better advice than that, but I'm stuck with RD's advice. 20% cooler. Maybe if you read some other good writing. Your story is great there's just something in the delivery... I REALLY wish I could nail it down. Sorry. I might be able to help more if I wasn't so tired.
5589761 Yeah, that chapter I wasn't doing that good with. I usually try to put myself in the mind of the character but I had some difficulty doing so this time. Of course now I'm watching the G1 MLP and it's giving me ideas that I may or may not use.
Oh look it's The Guide.
Yay! Update! And the chocolate pudding thickens. The kits names feel a bit cliché, but the eqg aaddition looks interesting.
Gaah! A thousand curses for your devilish cliff hanging powers! *Grumbles* Hurry up with the next one, it's not right I tell you!
YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! More?!?!? I can't wait for more!
did you really have to make that joke
Such short chapters. :( Oh well, better than nothing! I will be watching...
Angel Bunny...The general of hell has returned to the mortal plain! :P
The castle of shadows. The chapter name is certainly a reassuring tip off.
The sound of the bell and an ancient city... Could you be more subtle? But it makes sense.
5693067 Oh I probably could but where's the fun in always being subtle? Besides, the original series had a lot of interesting things that are worth using or at the very least referencing once and a while. Speaking of, I've got to figure out how to work that one reference into this next chapter still.
5693119 Eh, wasn't a complaint. I always forget that the text doesn't actually carry the intonation I write it with
Anyway, I was wondering what these shadows were about, and Im glad this is the direction you decided to take. Keep up the great work!
I was wondering what trouble fluttershy got into... Always thought she went and became a treant of some sort.
5812100 I left her nice and vague for a reason, mostly just for a bit of mystery. I'm not sure what I had planned with it exactly but there are many routes I could take if I felt like bringing it up again.
oven
why
talk but
5889043 Fixed, not sure how a couple of those weren't caught earlier...
It's alive!!!!!!
more ..please if you don't mind that is:
This is a pretty entertaining series, it really should get more love.
I predict space monkeys in the future.
While this story is good, Seven Lights is better I think. I haven't read Trickster Priest yet.
Flarenza made a lesser timbergolem based off of Angel Bunny. Please tell me that this world’s Angel Bunny is already dead; there isn’t a chance that it could contain the concentrated evil of two of him.
question will this be updated soon or is it on hiatus
is this story dead?
Whoa, what!....
Cliffhanger indeed....
ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!
Loved the song
My face after reading the end is a combination of these:
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT!?!?
Sunset is an alicorn foal now?!?
That was unexpected but kinda funny
Beware apple thieves! Them timberwolves are prowling the trees!