This story is a sequel to Spirits: Sunny's Displacement
Apart of the Spirit Trilogy
Spirits: Sunny's Displacement
Spirits: All you need is a Sunny Day
Coming Soon
Sunny Days, or formally Heather, has given up on trying to get back to her own world. Now, new enemies and friends await, ready to help or destroy her. Can she stop these new evils with her friends, new and old? Or will she fall by the hooves of the King of Shadows?
Contains: light gore.
IMPORTANT!
This story is old and will not be continued, if you want to continue reading, look at the Rewrite.
Chapters (12)
Before I begin, let me say that it's truly wonderful to see your sequel so quickly after the conclusion of your previous story. As usual, I'll only focus on the bigger issues; pointing out each and every error in spelling or grammar would be tedious. An editor or prereader can handle that.
Flowers of Blue
I'm glad to see you took my comments into account with the brief recap of the conclusion of the prequel story. It flowed better and sounded much more natural.
I can accept that Sunny has given up trying to get home. So much fruitless research truly tests a person's resolve, and I can see Sunny deciding to just live with what she's got.
It seems we're going through "Bridle Gossip". Overall, the chapter felt pretty rushed up until the following morning. That said, most of us have already seen the episode, so I'm willing to be a bit more lenient on that. I'm also interested in the Joke's effects on her. It should lead to an interesting conversation with Celestia.
That's another plus I'd like to bring up. I think you made the right call having the others go after Apple Bloom while Sunny stayed behind. That way, we don't completely recap the episode, and you avoid one of the biggest issues with OC stories (that is, insertion into canon events). Again, it also allows some good interaction with Celestia.
My biggest issue with this chapter is Sunny's mentioning that Celestia will "take advantage of" Sunny's predicament. Simply put, that phrase sounds unfriendly, like Celestia is plotting something less than moral. I suggest having Sunny voice her worry as being afraid that Celestia will tease her about it (a worry that was realized).
Conclusion
Once more, I'm glad see you again, and I hope to help you through another of Sunny's journeys. Good luck!
Before I begin, I'd like to mention something about story/chapter title capitalizations. Basically, capitalize the first word and all non-articles (with the exception of small prepositions and conjunctions). So, this story's title should be All You Need Is a Sunny Day, and this chapter should be Living the Foal Life.
Living the Foal Life
There aren't many concerns I have with this chapter. I enjoyed seeing Celestia's more joking side with her foster daughter, and I thought it was funny that Twilight was getting in on it, too. I also liked the meta humor of a pony being able to lift things with their hooves, as that's something I've wondered a bit, myself. And finally, just when I thought the whole situation would be ended and forgotten, you pulled one over on me, having the Joke still affect Sunny, even after the bath. I can believe that happening, given that Sunny is an alicorn, and I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Conclusion
A short review today, but that's good, in my eyes. There were some errors in grammar and usage (particularly with you're and your), but an editor should be able to handle that. Can't wait to read more!
My deepest apologies for taking so long to comment. My wrist has been killing me when I did any lengthy typing lately, and I think I can finally manage a review. There were a good deal of grammar and capitalization errors, but that won't be my focus in this review, as usual.
Invasion
Though the timeline between episodes is not always clear, I'm fairly certain it's been more than a mere few weeks between "Bridle Gossip" and "A Canterlot Wedding".
Overall, the pacing was pretty fast throughout this chapter. I suggest slowing things down. Build up tension by showing Sunny's research and her interactions with Zecora, especially her interaction on the day of her capture. The fast pacing later on in the chapter is more forgivable, since Sunny's rescue took place in the less-interesting crystal mine, so it would be for the best to spend only a little time in that part.
Cadance's name is actually spelled with an a, not an e.
I'm not going to say much about Sunny's spectacle in the throne room. While I didn't really like that Sunny pretty much stole the main cast's thunder (though I'm glad she wasn't the one to defeat Chrysalis), I'm more willing to forgive it, since we've been with Sunny for so long.
Conclusion
And there we have it. Once again, I'm very sorry for leaving you hanging for so long. I look forward to the next chapter!
6673331 The time difference has been much longer than you originally thought, I'll direct you to this line
6674501 Dang, you're right. Sorry about that. That makes a little more sense.
6674882 Also, don't worry about Sunny stealing the show for major events too often, as I'm trying to keep the canon timeline as intact as possible without reenacting the whole show with Sunny inserted.
6689055 Glad to hear it. That's always a concern with OC stories with canon events, so it's good that that won't be a common occurrence.
A short review for a short chapter. There honestly isn't much to say about this chapter, which I feel is a good thing, since that tends to mean that I have few criticisms. I suggest rereading the chapter to catch the many capitalization errors present. There were many names that should've been capitalized but weren't.
Interlude
I was very glad to see that the whole capture and escape thing from the previous story actually came to mean something. I'll admit that I was skeptical about the whole Spirit Realm thing. However, upon reading that this tied in very nicely with what happened in the aforementioned situation, I believe that you've had this idea for some time now. If that's true, then let me commend you on your excellent use of foreshadowing. Good on you!
My only question regards why this is an interlude. It seems like an important part of the story and should thus be treated as an actual chapter in the story.
Conclusion
And that's about all I have. Again, it was a short review, but I enjoyed the things I learned about the story overall in this chapter. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Sorry I didn't get to this earlier. It's been a busy week for me. Anyway, as usual, I won't nitpick about small grammar errors. I'll just get into story concerns, mainly.
Rest, Recovery, and Memories
I'll start out with the beginning of the chapter. Basically, I felt the fourth-wall-breaking was unnecessary. It didn't add to the story and was confusing to read. I can't speak for everyone about that; I myself never really liked breaking the fourth wall. There are ways to introduce such things and have it seem natural. Here, though, it just came out of nowhere.
I'm interested in seeing how that dream plays into the story. I trust you by now to know that you have a plan for it, so I'm eager to see where that goes.
Next up is Sunny's mastery of parkour (which shouldn't be capitalized, by the way). I know several months went by, but I'm fairly certain it takes more than that to master something as physically precise and as mentally focused as parkour. Oddly enough, in the very next section, we get a mention that she's never run on a wall before. If she's mastered parkour, which is implied by the preceding section, wall-running should be no problem. Lastly, why does she want to practice parkour? How does it bear into the story. I'm sure it'll be important later, but why does she want to practice in the first place? This scene also leads into my next concern.
How does Sunny get taken out by crates, of all things? I understand the first crate crushing her wing. After that, though, I'd expect her to be on high alert, using magic to shield herself from more crates, especially since she was expecting it to happen.
Lastly, we have the scene in the hospital. It didn't really feel emotional enough. Sunny was informed that she may never be able to fly again. Sure, we're given a sentence where she's depressed, but then her mind goes back to parkour, of all things, and whether she should continue performing it. The way the paragraph was flowing, it seemed like Sunny was more worried about her parkour than the potential loss of flight.
Conclusion
Overall, it was a so-so chapter. The emotion at the end could use some work, though I'm very interested in exploring the dream and the nobles' actual feelings for Sunny. I wish the reason for Sunny's practice of parkour was explained, and I'd avoid breaking the fourth wall. There's a time and a place for it, but this was neither. That last one is a personal opinion, though, so it's pretty much the one criticism, in my opinion, that you could ignore without overall hurting the story (though, again, it takes finesse to break the fourth wall and have it seem natural).
At any rate, I look forward to the next chapter.
6749632
For the explanation for the parkour, it's because I have a scene planned where sunny has to flee without the ability to fly through some...rather wild terrain.
6802994 While that isn't a problem, we also need to know why Sunny herself wants to learn parkour. She doesn't know that the scene you have in mind is coming. Why did she want to learn in the first place?
6803458 Remember her getting captured? Twice?
It'll be explained later, but she's being cautious, as her wings were constrained last time she was captured. She's learning parkour in case she needs to get away but is not able to make use of her wings.
Okay, you've rewritten "Rest, Recovery, and Memories". Let's give it a look. As usual, I suggest running this through an editor. I'll be going over the story elements.
Rest, Recovery, and Memories (Rewritten)
I'm glad to see you removed the fourth-wall-breaking. The story seemed more natural this way.
The dream is largely the same, which is fine. I really liked reading it in the first place. Again, I'm eager to see how it pans out.
You seem to be taking things far more slowly, which is very good. You're giving time for these elements you cut from this chapter to more naturally enter the story. We even got a bit of character development in that both Twilight and Fluttershy spoke sternly to Celestia, of all ponies. While it seemed a bit out of character, I'm willing to roll with it.
Sunny being terrified of her mother interested me. It seemed almost an irrational fear. That isn't a criticism, by the way. I'm looking forward to seeing where that goes, if it does go anywhere.
You've also removed the crate scene and the parkour bit. I'm not sure if we'll be seeing them again, but I'm glad you cut them from this chapter to spend more time on the hospital scene.
Conclusion
This was a pretty short review, but it was for a rewrite, after all. I think I hit all the important parts. If you feel I missed something, please let me know. I'm willing to answer questions and give my opinions on whatever you want to ask about.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Okay, time for another of my patent-pending reviews
. There were still a good deal of errors for an editor to look through. Just to mention two, per say should be per se (though this isn't really the correct usage of the term), and regime should be regimen.
A New Lesson
This was a much better way to get Sunny a bit of defense training. She brought it up in-story and gave her reasoning. It doesn't seem so out-of-nowhere anymore, and I'm glad for that.
It was a tad disappointing to see Sunny's fear of Celestia just up and leave, but it was understandable. It actually made more sense that she got over it in this way rather than harboring some deep-seated terror of her own mother.
I'm glad we actually see Sunny struggle with her first day of training instead of watching her pass everything with flying colors. It may be a small point, but it goes a long way into making a more believable story.
I thought it was hilarious that Celestia was surprised that Sunny, who has never been trained before, got a sprained leg on her first day of training. Frankly, I'd be surprised she didn't get anything worse. I guess Celestia, for whatever reason, just doesn't spend much time watching her guards train. An interesting peek into her character.
Conclusion
Aside from the spelling errors, this was a well-written chapter, and I look forward to seeing how her training goes after her few-weeks "probation". Can't wait for next chapter!
Why doesn't this story have a King Sombra tag?
6828272
Good Guess, but you're wrong about who the King of Shadows is.
Oh, are you going to make chapters on Sunny's stint in time? )
6840710
Yes, that is the plan.
Funniest line in the chapter
Wow, you've been busy. Sorry it took so long to get to this review. Life's been pretty hectic. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the story.
When Life Gives You Sprains...
I see we have some more breaking of the fourth wall here. While it still seems out of place, it fits here better than it did last time.
This may be nit-picky, but Blueblood has a white coat, not a light gray one.
I think Sunny was a bit harsh to Blueblood, myself. Don't get me wrong, the guy's a jerk, but he has a point here. He's Celestia's nephew, so it makes sense that he'd be flummoxed as to why Sunny hasn't heard of him. Sunny goes from not knowing who he is to assaulting his character in a matter of sentences, and call me crazy, but I really don't think Blueblood had it coming. I especially don't think Celestia would've allowed Sunny to assault her nephew with a vase.
Cutie Mark
My biggest complaint with this chapter is that it's too short. A lot happened here, and it should all be given the attention it deserves. Sunny's final test and the gaining of her cutie mark are both tense and emotional moments, and they should be given more than a few sentences' mention.
Crystal Empire
Two comments, here. First, I enjoyed that you corrupted Sunny's horn with Sombra's magic, as well. One of the best things to do to your characters is to give them limitations and hardships so that they can fight through them and grow as characters. However, that didn't last too long, as she got rid of the dark crystals without any hardship or struggle. Really, you could've taken out the whole thing with the crystals, and nothing would change. It was a tad disappointing, to be honest.
The ending was very confusing. We had a shift in POV, that much is clear. I think it was the conversation at the end, which made it seem that the stranger was Sunny, that confused me so much. I'm willing to wait till next chapter to see who we're dealing with here, though.
Conclusion
You're getting better at writing, that much is sure. I thought my review would be a lot longer than this, so this was a pleasant surprise. Again, I suggest getting an editor to iron out the spelling/grammar errors. I'm very much looking forward to next chapter!
If I remember correctly, manticores also have wings and are capable of flight.
Poor Tia's and Luna's mother, Sunny didn't even learn her name in those couple of years.
Sorry I haven't reviewed in a bit. I have a lot of questions about what's going on. A lot of questions. However, I'm willing to wait until the end of this flashback before I open my floodgates.
I try to make it a short comment, I´m a bit unconcentrated right now.
Tell me if I need to repeat something because I maybe messed up a sentence.
In this chapter you maybe could have tried to show a bit more of their daughter and mother bonding time.
I really like psychology stuff, so you could have done a bit more with Sunny's Mind being affected by the poison joke, and Celestia could have cared far longer for her.
Not sure why your new Sunny story looks so much like some parts of this story's prequel, but here Celestia or everyone else looks more like a Background Character.
Since I say so much more or less bad stuff I want to make sure you know why.
I think your still learning how to write those storys and I like the ideas that you have, however I think if I tell you what I learned while reading other storys, and with telling you my opinion, you can consider it and maybe change some stuff for the better.
7064776 Sorry for not being able to respond sooner, but I had some things I had to do first.
First, The Spirit Trilogy is a rewrite of Spirits, it's a different story altogether. And with how I started off the story, I won't be able to do the same things that I did is Spirits.
And second, Spirits is OLD. Because of this, I'm starting to focus my efforts on the rewrite in an attempt to make the story better.
I hope this comment explained a few things. Have a good day!
7064818 aahh yes thank you ,then I have only to say that I hope you don´t try to rush anything, and maybe flesh out the event's a little bit that happen in the story. That it feels rushed is my only concern about the rewrite.