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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I really don't get it, now he's more of a pussy than Fluttershy. Are you kidding me? Where's the guy that beat a manticore in the first chapter?
3510536 Answer: Still there, just now with a phobie.
I must say that I just started reading this and I'm spooked very slightly by some the things going on here,
because there's some simularities to a story that I'm working on myself. (shudders)
3510536 he was shaken up remember? possibly in shock, it can do that to people
3510536 instinct fueled his actions and now that he isn't fighting, his personality is in use
And cue lyra heartstrings
ok hes shy but tough when need be. but i don't think a human is that timid, but i get you are trying to make a character bond off the back witch an happen
So, the guy that wears a hoodie and has two swords and a Bo staff...
Cries every thirty seconds.
Ha! GAYEEE!!
I tried to like this, I truly did. However, your constant poor grammar, very OOC characters and very sappy writing just kills it for me. I'm already disliking the human because he's such a pussy. He was a slight badass in the first chapter when he took out a manticore with martial arts weaponry. I love people who can actually use weapons like that effectively (Though the bo staff isn't very hard to misuse. Swing and hit, mostly) and it made me want to read on.
However, he's suddenly more shy than Fluttershy, who for some unexplained reason has some sort of romantic interest in him. The Mane 6 are all best buds with him suddenly, even though he's supposedly a creature of myth, and one that they've never seen before.
I could go on, but in reality, I don't want to. I'm tired, I'm regretting reading even this far in, and I'm done. Later.
Yeah, I know you are rewriting this story - but the rewrite is not complete yet, so I'm reading this story first.
Question: At what point did Trixie and the human have a sufficiently deep conversation such that he knows she is a performer?
Here's a quick synopsis: Meet Trixie, Save Trixie, Faint, Wake-up, Other ponies arrive, Trixie runs off.
This story has potential,
But oh my lord it is declining so fast.
I am sorry but I hate stories where the characters try to change the vernacular of others it is rude, insensitive, and just down right stupid. I mean I doubt every sentient race on the planet uses everyPONY and did they change their vernacular?!?!
Does it though?