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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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beautiful.
3625824 I agree.
3635350
Thanks for the corrections, I'm fixing them as I speak
Interesting story. I have to agree with the other comments about pacing: this really is absurdly fast-paced. It's a fun ride, though, and entertaining.
I think this chapter captures the one aspect of the pacing that really seems off, though: even in the cases where you do introduce some element of courtship, or hesitance, or even conversation, you do so after addition to the herd, rather than before. Seems like swapping that around would do wonders for the sense of pacing.
That aside, though, I'm still enjoying the story, and I appreciate that you have some plot inbetween all the...well, plot.
Ahh trixie it's finally here . this is one of the ones I have been waiting for
3644689
Thanks for telling me, I'll be sure to fix that
EDIT: fixed it
Welp, I'm finally finished reading the chapters. The over the top fast paced romance kinda grew on me. Granted, I admit this story is not that great, it's not bad either, just average. I found nyself enjoying the read... with the exception of Spike's harem(Dinky, really? ). It almost made me quit reading this story altogether.It's not that I hate Spike, but why is every single one in this story has a marefriend? And they're what, 10 and has a freaking harem going on.
I'm still waiting for the spark I told you.
You know what, I'm also waiting for the 'Adventure' tag of the story. Mostly it has been fast paced romance and I'm getting sick of it. Drak(You) have superpowers, he needs to blow some shit up. You need some conflict on your story, and I'm not talking about a simple everyday fuck ups or some lovey dovey ones. I'm talking about a real one. Make him use his powers. You're not using your character to his potential.
Eh, I sound like I only bitch and moan... What I really liked is the Trixie part though, and I'm right when I said those two are the most connected of the harem. I wouldn't be surprised if Drak ditches them all for Trixie.
3660714 I second this notion. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE SPLOSIONS?!?! HUH?! WHERE ARE THEY?!?!