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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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interesting......i will continue
Hmm I like this idea you have here, Lets see where it goes
"where", and "ponies".
Not bad, my only problem is the fact it's a wall of text, but I can see past that and read the story for what it is.
"I want you to feel pain, to think about pain, to accept pain, to know pain." ~ Pein
Cool...cool
sigh, a manticore? why is it always a manticore, why couldnt it be something like giant spiders, a chimera or even a basilisk? Nope, lets follow the cliche and go manticore. Its always that or timber wolves...
3933772 or be creative and make it a weeping pegasus, ood, or dalek.
Sorry, doctor who binge. Or even a horde of parasprites and maybe a wild dragonling
Ooh, this is MY sort of thing. Initiating Favorite!
Le sigh. How? How would our character know what the Manticore has and has not felt before? Also, past tense present tense? Pick one! Same with perspective, first person, third person? For God's sake chose one and stick with it!
'I have a 3 inch gash in my gut, but I can fight Manticores with a staff without ripping my wound open. Why? BECAUSE!'
Fail
'I'm losing lots of blood but I have the time to comment on how beautiful Trixie's eyes are.'
Is this guy freaking Superman? If you have three injuries (one from an unknown source and two from a Manticore) that are open and you are in THAT much pain... you wouldn't give two shits and a fuck about how pretty somebody's eyes are. Within one minute of meeting a random character (Trixie in this case), you have already established a 'love at first sight' cliche, which I LOATHE. Sorry bro, this is NOT written well and I cannot support it. The grammar is chaos, the character is not believable in the least, and the pacing has only one speed: rushed.
Sorry bro. No bueno.
I'm of a mind to agree with TruthSeeker here. It just doesn't add up in a lot of ways. Perhaps later chapters get better
Seems like our MC is Napoleon Dynamite…