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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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YES
An alternate ending that somehow manages to be even more convoluted and dramatic than the original, which was fucking amazing on its own? Yes please!
YES.
Oh god yes yes yes.
Did I mention I'm super excited?
And that this was amazing?
Interesting. CellyxTwi, huh? I can't say that I enjoyed watching Cherilee break it off with Twilight, and I hope they come to terms by the end of things--hopefully with Cherilee realizing exactly what went wrong, how silly it was, and what she gave up because of her personal hangups. That could lead to some serious character growth for her. And some some serious satisfaction for me, personally.
I love that you're picking this back up, although I would have preferred TwiDash, even if, or perhaps because, it would be so wonderfully fucked up in this situation.
By the Gods...it continues!?
Awesome, hope we get a decent length continuation and not just a couple new chapters for the ending. I'd be happy either way though.
Oh goodness. What's a Neil DeGrasse Tyson shoutout doing in there? And one to Carl Sagan, too? Sold and delivered, Sleepless. Sold and delivered.
Also, do I detect some subtle Spike/Apple Bloom shipping there? This is out of continuity with RR, so it stands to reason it's also not part of the "Like Fine Wine" pre-story. Or is Celestia just having baseless dirty thoughts? Oh dear, so many possibilities.
(Slight spoiler for "Like Fine Wine" below, but I just have to say this.)
"Hey, Rarity, remember that I told you I never had feelings of this kind for any other pony? I might not have been entirely truthful in that regard."
Holy fuck this couldn't have gone any better. @_@
More Celestia characterization in one paragraph than most fics manage in thousands of words. And then the same for Luna. And some people wonder why I feel sorry for people who won't read your stuff just because "it's clop."
Assuming it does go down the Twilestia route, well, no, still no.
Don't get me wrong, Twilestia is probably my OTP when talking about FiM, but you made Twilight/Cheerilee work so well I simply LOVED it, and it felt wrong seeing otherwise here (I know, it's just an alternate take).
And after everything, if it somehow goes TwiLuna, eh. (Again, nothing against the couple, just not in this setting you've created)
Brilliantly written, I can give you that. Waiting for the next part to see what happens.
"Eternal" started out as basically this; "Romance Reports" didn't end quite right, my mind told me, when it and "Composure" were set side by side in my mental realm. My own story went in a different direction rather quickly, obviously, to its benefit, I think. But there's an itch being scratched here that wanted scratching rather badly.
I have to say, you have a way with romantic drama I suspect I never will. I'm looking forward to more, rather eagerly.
Nooooooo not the fanfic that made cheeritwi my OTP, I was really hoping to see how cheerilee died as mentioned in "Like Fine Wine". But its you! And this! And ;o; that first part was so hard to read, please excuse me as I reread the good ending to salvage my soul.
...
Okayokay, I couldn't help squeeing at a chance to read your writing again, and Twilestia! I don't think I'll like it as much as the first ending, but I don't think that's gonna stop us readers from going estatic with anything you write xD..
As much as I love Twilight and Cheerilee together at the end of Romance Reports, I am almost wishing that this was the actual ending - not for the Twilestia, though that certainly doesn't hurt, but for the actual resolution between Twilight and Luna. I actually like Luna again, after writing her off as a petty bitch after she pulled that "faithful student" crap.
And that was all after the sweet little Twilestia relationship building, complete with filly Twilight hero worship. I like how Celestia has accepted the natural consequences of her unnatural lifespan, that she will love, and those loves will die, but to not love is impossible.
Keep up the good work, Sleepless.
Oooooo, it's back
Can't wait to see which way this ending goes
Here's to more Romance Reports!
It's very good. I don't like it, as such, being that it is sad and all, but it is very well done, filled with complex layers and emotions.
Wow, an update on this story...
Okay guys, no this is not going to be Twilestia.
I hope so. Please don't be Twilestia. This would be so senseless.
"The moon doesn't make any light of its own. It just reflects the light of the sun."
Man, Luna's really out of it.
You tried, but I still think RR's Luna is a bitch.
More pertinent to the main plot OMG, OMG FINALLY THE ALTERNATE TWILESTIA ENDING!!!! This was the story that really pushed me towards Twilestia shipping.
I'm hoping for Twilestia or TwiLuna. Those are my favorite pairings anyways.
A nice, "Everything settles down between everyone and Twi presses into the future as a stronger mare" ending would work well too but wouldn't be near as fun.
When I saw a new chapter in this fic I was like
"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh"
Then I read it and I was like
"OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH"
This is the simplest way to show my reaction
Omg, is that some Luna pining after Celestia I see?
Or am I just delusional?
Fuck yeah, when I didn't think it could get any better, an alternative ending pops up.
443867
Hell no.
I'm glad that tracking and favorite have been merged because I never would have seen this otherwise.
Let do this!!!(again) LEERRROOOOYYYY nnnJJEEENNNKKKIIIINNNSS!!!!!!!!
I loved this chapter just as much as I loved the rest of this story, which is to say quite a bit. I think this new perspective makes a lot of the hidden depths of your writing more easily visible, which is awesome. Something I always find odd though: when you emphasize a word in a thought, you always switch from italics back to plain text. That doesn't really have the sharpening effect you're going for; instead of strengthening the word, it just sets it apart from the rest of the thought. It feels unnatural. I'm surprised you don't just bold the words instead. But I'm no English major, so your mileage may vary with my advice. So, yeah, super awesome story. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Ooooh my gob, is it christmas already? This is the only fanfic I've read with Cheerilee shipping that I've liked, and I didn't like this, I LOVED this. It's just such a good story. And now, so long after it's ended, you're writing an alternate ending with my favorite ship?
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Cannot WAIT to read more of this.
Also, I meant to mention this the first time, but I forgot to in the excitement, lol. When I was reading this fanfic for the first time, I was convinced throughout a good portion of it that Luna was trying to force Celestia to put a stop to the madness by admitting her own feeling for Twilight. i.e. I already thought this was a Twilestia fanfic for a while there. So this alternate ending is basically even more awesome in my mind because of that.
After seeing one too many alternate endings that simply kill a fic, it's refreshing to see one that plays to such a different dynamics from the original ending, yet is good in its own right.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is (building to?) the ending Romance Reports always needed. Luna ripping Twilight's heart in half in order to push her back at Cherrilee was ... effective, and possibly even in character; but also unnecessary, cruel, and (most importantly) self-defeating. In a story where ponies' mistakes relentlessly, repeatedly, and authentically flew home to roost, Luna got away with it, and it made her look like a moustache-twirling stage villain.
She effed up, and we needed to see that. In a few short paragraphs, you also painted the picture of who she is that the rest of the story had been lacking, and that background told us why she had effed up. It's as perfect and glorious as the rest of the story was.
In short, thank you for finally making Luna a character in the fiction that was allegedly about her all along.
Awesome. That's it. It's awesome.
Sleepless, you are incredible. I just... you write romantic tension so, so well. No one comes even close to you (Varanus and L0xor, perhaps, but still). Reading your stories is an absolute treat, and this update was no exception.
I eagerly await the next installment!
443111
My thoughts exactly. The Luna in RR made me rage so hard, it was unbelievable, considering she's one of my top characters. From this chapter, we couId almost say that Luna's role in the main story was to be completely OOC. Speech full of sarcasm and dripping with malice (kinda). But this chapter...God, I was nearly crying as I took and understood both Twilight's and Luna's pain. I'm honestly extremely pleased to see closure being built between the two.
And this isn't turning into Twilestia. It'd be too easy and I'm pretty sure Sleepless has better, grander plans for Twi and Cheerilee. Celestia is just being a good friend. One who can offer unconditional support to her distress. But then again, I've been wrong before.
I like the alternative ending more :v
Though, I was hoping for a more crushed Luna :l
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Ti's going to be a long exciting wait.
Ok, first, obviously insert a diatribe about how much I adore this story, worship you for continuing it, and am anxiously awaiting the next chapter.
I'll let you take a moment to bask in my adoration...
... *checks watch*
There. That should do. :)
There's something else going on here though, honestly. Beyond your portrayal of Luna, Twilight and Celestia, there is an interesting look at the pantheon of Equestria. The goddess of the sun, naturally, would represent love, and everything that would be shown in the light of day. And then Luna, as the goddess of the moon, would see her aspect as sex, and all the things that happen at night. Not only can I believe that, but you've managed to portray in them both the desire to take something of the other, Celestia's longing for something more... MORE with Twilight, and Luna's pained realization that she would possibly like the same thing.
And there in the middle, between the setting sun and rising moon is Twilight.
Unless you aren't that profound and are just writing a fun smutty story with some excellent plot. And I'm totally ok with that too. :-) Either way, bring on some more!!!
And stop basking, it's bad for your ego.
Huzzah! The ending has been doubled!
>Arguably one of the best FiM fan fiction stories ever
>Author makes alternate ending
>World explodes
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Really? Celestia? Really? Why not go all out and make a Trixie ending while you're add it. This fanfic is like what PikaSemeChu did to Pokemon. It has only one thing going for it, but everything else just bites the big one. I guess people like OOC-tastic stories.
Okay, from what I can gather, Twilight has a crush on Luna (how? Twilight never meet her at all as of the writing of this fanfic. What's the justification? There's not even a good back story for that), but before they can date each other, Luna want's Twilight to learn about Romance, since she's had numerous lovers (the only few times we see Luna in the show she seems quite and reclusive. I don't see how you got "sexual dynamo" from that, but whatever.) So, basically, Luna set up Twi to whore herself out to become a better lover. How does that makes sense? How does a princess conduct herself like that? And it's pretty obvious that the plan is going to fail horribly, since Twilight is basically playing around with other ponies feelings and emotions. I can't believe how dumb you made Twilight in this (I know that sometimes she's a bit clueless at times, but even this is a massive stretch). If Luna really wanted Twi to learn, why not just teach Twi herself? Oh, right, this is a clop, it doesn't have to make sense. As long as your readers can get off on this, it's okay, right? The only way anyone can enjoy this is that the blood from their brain is somewhere else.
I felt like Applejack (which you effectively killed in "Cherri Trees.") in this story, just looking at these ponies and saying "Who are these things and where are my friends?" Everypony is pretty much a slut simply for the sake of this half-assed plot, which is not how you tell a story. I know what you're thinking, "But this is just a clop, stop thinking about it so much." And you're right, it is just a clop. That's the problem. You think that this is some master piece of story telling, but it's not. The fact that you had to make this into a clop tells me you know you had no real skills in writing, so you write smut, knowing that the masses will just eat it up, regardless of the actual quality. If "Tails of Spike's Harem" can get positive reviews, than so can anybody, including you.
Most clop writers know their stories are shit, or they take stupid request and do the best job they can, but you actually think that this would hold up with the canon of the show, but you failed to realize just how bad your characterization really is. You got the character archetypes right (a little bit, anyway) but not the actual character. It's like you made them stupid and sluttish just for the sake of clop. That's bad.
Your clop scenes got boring, too, so I don't know what the appeal of this is suppose to be. Maybe it's because I don't clop that none of this makes sense.
The only way this would work is that this fanfic was labeled as an Alternate Universe. Or it turns out Discord is the writer. The other way was to make this cute. You know, have Twilight and Luna share a moment with some late night constellations or something, flash forward several months, and Twilight realizes her crush, only to figure out that she knows nothing of Romance, and her date with Luna is coming up. And instead of her doing the "romancing," she would interview or hear stories from other ponies about they're encounter of romance, and we would flash back to their perspective. Later, on their dates, Twilight, being the adorkable pony that she is, messes up the dates by trying to hard, and gives her report about it to Celestia or something.
I don't know, this "every pony is a whore" thing just doesn't work, especially considering they're the elements of harmony, and are suppose to represent said element (not to the point of saturation, of course).
I also noticed that you keep deleting my comets', which tells me that you've probably deleted any comment that you didn't like to give you a better image. You'll even go to a thread and complain about it(that way you'll seem more mature than you actually are), like you did me.
I'm just going to go ahead and publicly state that I have never, nor will ever, delete comments.
I guess the one exception would be spam, but I'm not going to delete any actual comments just because they're negative.
So, go ahead! Post some scathing critiques!
And thanks for reading!
And I think I might like the alternate ending better than the first...! It pains me to see Twi and Cheeri break up, but the new route this has taken intrigues me greatly. Impatiently waiting for the next installment.
That being said, take your time. You can't rush greatness.
463020 Curse your good looks, Zapp Brannigan!
466687 Actually, I had no idea that it was about ME:3's endings. I have the first two games, and I saw this picture before I found out about how bad the third was. It wasn't intentional. I kept it because my name is NaturalGlitch, and that picture looks like a glitchy human. At least, that's how I saw it. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories. I do hear they're making an extension to ME:3, so here's hoping that it fixes some things.
I never commented on this before because, well, for obvious reasons. Anyways, I have it favourited now.
I'm sure it sound pathetic, but I found this fic about a year after my first messy relationship experience. I'd thought I'd gotten over it, but sometimes thoughts linger, and parts of our minds stay locked up behind and we never consciously recognize they're missing. I was surprised to find that little, spiteful, in-denial piece of my own mind pop up a little when I began to read this. And as I read further into the first few chapters, and I realized that you wrote a real piece of fiction, not just a clopfic, you wrote well and convincingly enough to get me thinking. Those lingering distastes and angers started to smooth away. It helped that much of the Braeburn story had bits I could well relate to, on both sides. I found myself hoping that the world you created would turn out a certain way. I felt I'd learned a lot. I didn't agree with you on all of it, but it gave me a whole lot to think about - Pinkie's metaphor, the different types of attitudes, etc. I'm curious how old you are.
This is one of the fics that makes me glad I started to read fanfic. (And less awkward about having hit the 'view mature' button.) I absolutely loved the 'Lunatic' line. It helped me to finally let go, and it was an entertaining read. Thank you for writing this.
So as a separate review:
I'll take your titles as indication that the original is 'what happened', and this is just a hypothetical. It's less objectionable that way.
After I read the original RR, while I didn't like Luna. I don't think she was OOC in the original, but while the reasoning was there, it seemed a little stretched. Here she really becomes a more likable and much more in-character pony.
Even after the time it took to write this review, I still don't like how Cheerilee left Twilight. It feels ... bad. Like it doesn't belong in the happily-ever-afters of romantic comedy and of Equestria. It's still great writing and I could have seen it coming, but still. I hope the bit with Cheerilee does get resolved, in some manner. I don't think Twi would forget about her enough to not give some kind of closure, even if it's just that kind of closure-that-isn't-really-closure. Now I feel bad for Cheerilee in two realities... (why did she have to die? ) Even if Cheerilee did choose to leave Twi, and we can see she should have, it's so sad to see Cheerilee has reached the point of giving up.
Talk about romance is often either taboo or gossip. Your thoughts on the subject are really interesting. Are you inspired by anything in particular?
I look forward to seeing your plan for this. I believe you'll pull it through, and that you'll make sure not to rush it. All in all, I'll have wait for more to see whether I like this continuation or not.
I definitely appreciated reading this chapter the second time around. The first time I found the transformation of Luna a little unbelievable(mostly because you made us do a really good job of disliking her).
Why didn't anyone tell me this was updated?!
462491
>The fact that you had to make this into a clop tells me you know you had no real skills in writing
You clearly have no idea what good writing is. It seems unlikely that you have any concept of depth or subtlety in literature; your review is the equivalent of someone objecting to a Pointillist painting by saying, "Wow, this sucks. It's just a bunch of dots!"
The point isn't even on your radar.
Learn to read between the lines, look up the concept of implication, and realize that a fic doesn't have to explicitly shove every detail of characterization into the reader's face for it to be there. The characters in this fic are more complete, more human in their experiences and desires and doubts and insecurities than they are in nearly anything else in the fandom. I've read a lot of shipfics in my time, but this is one of the few that really resonates to the core as being written by someone who understands love, with all its imperfections.
Your proposed alternate plot is, at its core, a vapid clone of countless fics of no note or worth.
There is valid criticism to be leveled at this fic, but yours is baseless. I sincerely hope that when you grow as a reader and possibly as a person, you will come to value literature that explores timeless themes with complex characters that are realistic in their motivations and actions. When that day comes, you will realize how much of an utter embarrassment to yourself and the fandom your review is.
I'm sorry, great god of clopfics, but I noticed something:
Then she takes her arm away, tousling Twilight's mane a little as it leaves.
ARM?!? What is this arm you speak of?!?
So! You have returned to us at last....
How did you do it?
You made me like Luna again. And although I still like the actual ending the best (because Twilight/Cheerilee is an awesome idea that I'd never seen before and it made me so happy to see them work things out), I find myself hoping that Twilight and Luna reconcile.
462491
This is, by far, the most sensible comment I've seen on this fic.
Wow. That was... wow.
This was an incredible chapter. I felt like I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. The Celestia scene was absolutely adorable, and I freakin loved the Tyson and Sagan references. Then the Luna scene felt like a sports match with the "OOOHH"s and what have you.
It was so sad, but such an amazing alternate ending. Didn't seem "tacked on" at all. It just felt right.
Glorious work.
"You are the sun and the moon," she says. "She lights up the day, and you light up the night."
Luna looks away suddenly. "You're wrong."
"Huh?"
"The moon doesn't make any light of its own. It just reflects the light of the sun."
Of course it does. The sun can not always light our path by itself so your moon must help it. No it can't always be there, no it isn't perfect but it tries to help. It braves the darkness to bring the sun's light and add it to the dim glow of the stars. You are, and still can be, that hero that tries her best to bring love and life to the lands even as darkness falls upon them. All you must do is keep trying.
-Student of heresy