As Earth and Equestria are drawn closer together, Gatekeepers connecting to their other-world counterpart start to appear. This is the story of Rex, bound to Chrysalis as a Gatekeeper, and his quest for survival as a changeling on Earth.
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nice! wait, chrysalis is developing feeling for Will!
Gentlemen. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Pretty good
Okay you said this is your first story which kinda had a good start but it needs a lot of work.
I'm sure there is someone that can help you with your story like character development, scenes and pacing of which you rushed through. Chapter six really turned me off from following the rest of this story.
I'm only trying to help ya out here. Good Luck with the rest of your story.
I personally would have gone for a French terrorist sect just to break the norm, but nonetheless, job well done !
Great chapter, and I must say I'm thoroughly enjoying this story, but there's one thing that's really bugging me here. it's generally a really terrible idea to fire a gun in a plane.
http://science.howstuffworks.com/innovation/science-questions/gun-on-plane.htm
Not bad for your first story. I am enjoying the interactions between Chrysalis and William, although it seems to have developed into a friendship much too quickly for my tastes.
I for one would remain rather distrustful of an alien presence that claims that they casually kidnap and imprison others for nourishment, at least for a while or until I'd get a better understanding of them. William seemed to brush off the whole deal rather casually like it was no big deal. Secondly, I think Chrysalis opened up way too quickly as well. She was barely hostile to him at all except for the beginning, and shortly after meeting, she is offering to teach him magic? Perhaps go back and state that she is very curious what the human is capable of or something? In addition, William's friends seem to also take the whole magic thing in stride a bit too well. At least to me.
Nevertheless, this story is entertaining, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you are going with this. Good luck!
2536970
Very good point. Looking back on what I wrote, I did rush the friendship thing. I do have plans for William's friends, though .
2535670
The gun was fired straight down the aisle. The bullet probably got lodged in the stewardess's food cart.
2534380
I'm sorry that chapter didn't turn out so well, but I thank you for you comments anyway.
2537501 You got something good going on here with the story I'm not trying to stop ya from writing it I'll keep it in my faves for now.
WOW I was off the chain when I wrote that Text between Will and CHRY CHRY
I should have had them use the aborted fetuses for hoof ball practice DAMN!
so i am reading this for the first time. I have to say, while just from the synopsis i was not expecting that much. You have surprised me. This is excellent. Back to reading
In Soviet Russia, airplanes hijack you!
The chapter overall was decent, though introducing a fact, such as there being Russian extremists, and using it in the same chapter is generally frowned upon and is somewhat jarring. Still, the chapter was enjoyable.
nano-machines son
Hmm? Flight 7734?
*Pulls out calculator then enters 7734* Hmmmm *flips upside down*