Destination: Thataway!

by Hawattie

Alarm clocks are simultaneously the best and worst things ever invented.

Fphant and I once again stood within spitting distance of the sorceress's evil tower, this time with Unique Blend in tow. Y'know, once you get over the creepy atmosphere, foreboding presence, warning signs, bad fashion sense and general creepiness it exuded the tower looked like an alright place to settle down.

Unique looked nervous, as if he had a bad feeling about this plan, while Fphantom's expression was unreadable; the fact that his face kept changing shape totally had nothing to do with it. "So what's the plan?" Unique asked, "Do we just go up to the door and knock?"

Now why didn't I think of that? "An excellent idea, my good pony!" I chirped.

"Wait!" Unique called out to me as I walked up to the door. "I was joking!" He sounded close to panicking, as if he thought I was about to make a huge mistake or something. Huh, the doormat read "Go away or I'll sic my hounds on you!" cute.

"Never joke around him," Fphant told Unique. "It just gives him ideas." Truer words have never been spoken. Someone should give that mirage a medal for giving great advice. "That said," Fphant continued, this time addressing me, "don't do that. It's a bad idea." Never mind, no medal for you!

"Pfft," I waved my hoof in a dismissive manner, "what's the worst that could happen?"

Unique visible paled beneath his coat. "You moron! Why would you go and say that?" Upon seeing my confused look, he elaborated, punctuating his words by jabbing me in the chest. "Never! And I! Mean! Never! Say something like that!" Wow, look at the spittle fly. "It's just begging for the universe to drown you in a huge dose of cosmic irony!"

"So I'm not allowed to say 'what's the worst that could happen'?"

"NO!" Heh, you mad bro?

"What about 'what could possibly go wrong'?" His violently twitching eye was answer enough. I wonder how much more he'll take before he snaps? "How 'bout, 'I'm glad that's over'? 'At least it can't get any worse'?"

"Aren't you glad he's on our side?" Fphant asked sarcastically.

Hey, I just had a great idea! Let's continue poking the hornet's nest! "Nothing can stop us now! Trust me, I saw it in a movie once. I've got a bad feeling about this. It's quiet... too quiet. At least it's not raini-"

Huh, so that's what Unique's hoof tastes like. Spoilsport. "Fine, I'll shut up."

Well, back to the plan, namely knocking on the evil enchantress's front door. "But if this blows up in my face, I'm blaming y-" The door blew up in my face. Like, literally. It blew up in my face.

Fphantom was far enough back to avoid the blast, and Unique happened to be standing off to the side. This means I took the entire brunt of the blast. And wow, that was one powerful blast.

meanwhile, back in town

"Did you feel that?"

"What was it?"

"It was as if a monumental idiot pissed off fate to the point where everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. I fear that somepony just invoked the curse of..."

A nearby record store began playing dramatic music in the background. Several bolts of lightning flashed out of the cloud a weatherpony was flying overhead.

"Murphy."

"Is that bad?"

"It is for that poor sucker."

back at the tower

"Ow," I slowly sat up, rubbing my head, "that hurt." A falling brick landed on my still-sore head.

Fphantom was trying (and failing) to contain his laughter.

"I hope you're happy," Unique said, hooves crossed and a scowl gracing his features. "You've doomed us all."

"Pfft, that's nothing." I shakily got to my hooves. "Wait 'till you see what's inside the tower! I bet it's full of booby traps and guard monsters galore! It'll be so much fun!" I rubbed my hooves together. My normal madpony grin stretched even wider as I considered the possibilities. "I just ensured that our little adventure will be at least twe-" another brick fell onto my head.

"Where'd that even come from?" I wondered. "All the debris stopped falling in about ten secon-" a dog, - not just any dog, but a massive poodle, seriously, this thing was at least twice as big as me! - shot out of the blown-open door, bowling me over. From my vantage point underneath the giant poodle, I was able to read the inscription on the opal-studded collar it wore.

"Schmoopy."

To be fair, the doormat did warn me.

Schmoopy leaped off of me, kicking dirt into my face in the process, and charged Fphantom. Fphant, being the boss that he is, simply disappeared as the big ball o' fluff ran through him. Confused, Schmoopy located the mirage's new location before charging again. The poodle's bloodthirsty attacks were once again met with thin air and dissolving Fphantoms. In a fight between giant fluffy dogs and elusive illusory copies, my bits are on the illusory copies.

"You just had to tempt fate, didn't you!" Unique whisper-shouted at me while Fphant kept Schmoopy busy.

I for one simply dusted myself off, madpony grin still firmly affixed to my face. "Hey, it could be worse, right?"

As if to answer me that yes, it could be worse, another giant dog - this one a pug - slammed into my side. While flying through the air flailing my limbs madly, I was able to read the new dog's name tag.

"Fluffy."

To be fair, the doormat did say "hounds".

Unique looked close to soiling himself from fear. "Any ideas?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, picking myself and dusting myself off again. "Run!"

"Where!? The dogs will catch us if we try to get away!"

I quickly made sure my madpony grin was undamaged. Lookin' good as new. Awesome. Now that I looked the part, I pointed towards the blown-open door of the enchantress's tower. "Thataway!"

Author's Note:

Fear the wrath of Murphy!
Abuse plot protection for the sake of beating up the main character!
Resist the temptation to spout pony memes!
Profit!

Stay awesome. Try not to die.