Destination: Thataway!

by Hawattie

Throw 'em to the wolves.

For whatever reason, I personally think it was some of the sorceress's cheaty-haxxing magic, getting cut into little tiny pieces didn't hurt at all. However, the lack of pain came with a trade-off: It tickled.

And when I say it tickled, I mean it tickled. Like, I'm usually not very ticklish but this thing had my howling with laughter. And not just little giggly laughter either, it was that full-body laugh that just fills the room with a near non-stop barrage of noisy mirth and leaves you gasping for breath with tears in your eyes.

And that was just the beginning. Once the machine really got going I couldn't even laugh anymore. Or maybe that was because it severed my voicebox from the rest of me. Either way the sorceress heaved a sigh of relief at the sudden silence.

"Thank Celestia that's over," Unique said. "I'm not sure I could have stood for much more of that." Yeesh, you don't have to get all pissy man, all I was doing was laughing uncontrollably. It's not like I was insulting you or anything.

Eventually the machine slowed down and the tickling dropped to bearable levels. While I couldn't move my head since it had been separated from my neck, and then had the mouth, ears, and brain removed as well, I could still move my eyes to look around. By my count I'd been separated into about five dozen different pieces of varying sizes. Each chunk of myself was adorned with a magical aura surrounding the sections where they attached to other pieces.

My guess is that the magic was either keeping me alive or teleporting my blood to the local vampire's blood repository. Or both. Probably both.

"In case you were wondering," the sorceress said, "the magical aura surrounding your parts is the only thing keeping you alive." Well, I guess that confirms one of my theories. "If I wanted to, I could end your life here and now. But I'm not going to show that you can trust me." That's a comforting thought, my life was in the hooves of a mare who had already tried to kill me once.

Well, at least it could be worse. She could decide to take advantage of my vulnerable position to experiment on me like she originally wanted to or something like that.

"Before we begin, I'd like to ask your permission to make some slight modifications. You could consider this tiny, little, itty bitty experiment on you to be a gigantic leap forward in the medical fields of magic and science!" Am I good at guessing what she's going to say or what?

"The procedures and any potential side effects and any reasons you could possibly decline my offer are outlined here." A scroll covered in miniscule writing flashed into existence in front of me. I had to squint in order to even read the words, and to my dismay found the entire thing was written in legalese. I don't speak legalese! How am I ever going to read this thing? When did she get the time to write this? "If you have any problems with the procedures or any wish to discontinue the operation please say so now."

I wasn't about to let her just do whatever was in that block of text! I opened my mouth to protest, some part of my mind registered the movement it made over on the left side of my vision, and nothing came out. My eyes widened. She took away my ability to speak, then told me I had to talk in order to stop her. That jerk!

"Wonderful!" I could hear smugness mixed with giddy anticipation in the sorceress's voice. "Since you obviously don't have any questions and are positively filled with excitement at the prospect of this procedure, let us begin." Man, I really wish I could talk. It's rather irritating not being able to contradict the falsehoods spewing out of the sorceress's mouth. I had to settle for glaring huffily at the ceiling in anger.

"Wow, he looks mad," Fphant commented. I responded in the only way I could; by glaring harder. Seriously, if looks could kill... I'd be dead several times over... but there'd also be a hole through the roof.

"Indeed," Unique agreed. I don't think I could intensify my glare any further, but I'd be damned if I didn't try! "He actually looks rather funny, all cut up and mad."

"Mad in more ways than one," the sorceress said. "No sane pony would let me experiment on them like he did." Hey, I didn't let you! You cut my voicebox out!

"To be fair you didn't really give him a choice," Unique pointed out. Thank you! I'm glad someone's on my side!

The sorceress 'pfft'ed. I could imagine her brushing the remark off with a wave of her hoof. "Semantics."

"Yeah, well, just make sure you don't hurt him or we'll have trouble." Did Fphant just threaten the sorceress for me? I feel so loved.

"I would never harm a willing test subject!" the sorceress retorted. She almost sounded offended there, but I think it might be a bluff. "If they get hurt during the process they're less likely to return for further experimentation." I guess that makes sense from a certain viewpoint. A selfish, cold, scientific viewpoint, but a valid one nonetheless. It almost reminds me of this one science-obsessed AI I read about this one time in a comic book.

"You promise he'll be fine?" Fphant asked.

"Of course, I swear on my PhD in Magic that no unnecessary harm will come to him."

She has a PhD? Where did she get it from?

"I was unaware of any universities in the greater Equestrian are that you could get such a degree from." Looks like Unique and I think alike. "Would you mind filling me in on where you got it?"

There was a pause, I assume the sorceress made some sort of gesture or pulled out a map or something. "Thataway."

Author's Note:

I like to smite their little wraiths! Let them know I mean bucking business.

What do y'all want to see happen to the main character?
Superpowers? Cyborg enhancements? Gender switching? Marmalade injected into the bloodstream?
Let me know if you have an idea for something the sorceress should do.

Stay awesome. Try not to die.

Comments

[Zytharros]

Eeehheee..
A choice!
I want him to be able to photosynthesize and to produce massive energy blasts that come only in one size:

SPIRIT BOMB!

Oh, and he farts random songs.