Destination: Thataway!

by Hawattie

Pillows. That is all.

Fifteen minutes had passed of me feverishly trying to find the quickest path to the castle of the winds while the sorceress repeated how I'd never make it in time. Way to give up before you start, sorceress. I was investigating the possability of cutting through the Marejave Desert - have I ever said that I hated how many puns there are in Equestria? because I do - when Unique showed up with a vital piece of intel.

"You do realize there's a train that runs almost the whole way there, right?"

"Really?" the sorceress asked, "since when?"

Unique gave the sorceress a "you're a moron" look. So refreshing to see it directed towards someone else for once. "You don't get out much, do you?"

"Well, no." The sorceress blushed. "I spend most of my time researching magic in my tower."

Unique redirected his gaze to me. "And I don't suppose you knew about the Forest Line either? It was all over the news a few months ago."

"I don't remember much of anything until a day before I met you," I said defensively.

"Really?" Both of them looked skeptical.

"Yes really," I assured them, "I could've sworn I'd told you guys..." I adopted a thinking pose, I did tell them, didn't I? Oh... right. I didn't. "Silly me, must have forgot."

"You forgot," the sorceress deadpanned, "to tell us you were an amnesiac?"

"Oops?" I shrugged. "To be fair, it never really came up."

"Do you at least know why you have amnesia?" Unique asked curiously.

"Oh that's easy," I waved a hoof, "I was dead, that's when I got better."

I heard a pin drop in the corner and sent a glare at the cricket responsible. The cricket chirped self-consciously and coughed awkwardly.

"You got better..." Ooh look! The sorceress's eye is twitching! That's always a good sign.

"Yeah," I nodded, "In fact, you can read all about it here in my autobiography!"

"Since when did you have an autobiography?" Fphant asked, joining the conversation as he walked into the room.

"It's a work in progress," I assured them, "but it's a doozy of a story*."

"I'll be sure to give it a read," Fphant smiled. Way to break the tension like a pro, Fphant. "I could use a good laugh to deal with the headaches you give me on a daily basis."

"Well, now that my fourth wall quota has been reached, let's get back on topic," I declared. "Where can we catch this train of yours, Unique?"

Unique just stared at me for a moment. I swear I could hear the sorceress muttering something before Unique finally decided to reply. "There's actually a station in town. If we hurry I think we can catch the last train before tomorrow."

"Well what are we waiting for?" I cried, turning towards the exit, "Let's go!"

"Wait!" I screeched to a halt halfway through the door. "We should prepare ourselves before running off into the unknown!" Look at Unique, being the voice of reason as always. I really should get him a medal, it would read "most reasonable lunatic ever".

"Boy am I glad to have smart ponies like you around." Unique swelled with the praise. "You guys know what you need to get?" I asked my companions.

I received two affirmatory nods and a bored look from Fphant.

"Fantastic! We'll meet out front in three minutes. Cue montage!"

~~~

One montage later, the four of us were all geared up and rarin' to go.

The sorceress was apparently treating this like a scientific outing. She had a pair of saddlebags stuffed full of different observational tools; magnifying glasses, test tubes, a Geiger counter, and the like; several notebooks; and a teddy bear.

You never know when a teddy bear might come in handy.

Unique, on the other hand, was decked out in some sort of pseudo-military outfit. He had donned a blue-green camo helmet of some sort and wore a bandoleer filled with different colored bottles across his chest. I spied a bottle of thunderbrew, as well as what appeared to be whiskey, glue, and vomit in several of the bottles. What was in the remaining bottles was anyone's guess.

Fphant didn't have any visible changes, but if I knew my friend like I thought I did, I know he was ready to go. I could see it in his demeanor. His tasty, tasty demeanor.

I'm sorry, did that last sentence seem creepy? I'll work on that later.

As for my own preparations, after acquiring a new bottle of thunderbrew to stick into my thunderbrew holster, I found a pair of mirrored shades, put them on upside down and called it good.

I felt like the epitome of swag.

"It appears we are all..." the sorceress glanced at Fphant and I, "erm, more or less ready. I believe it is time for us to head out?"

"It sure is, babe," Fphant said. He received a sharp look for his word choice, although not much else. Lucky. If I'd said that the sorceress probably would have cut my nose off.

"Train's waiting," Unique said, "and the station's at the far end of town. If we don't want to miss it, then we're going to need to get going thataway."

*Any opinions expressed by individuals within this wonderful piece of historically sound, non-fiction prose are just that; opinions. Do not hate, slander, beat, and/or glare at the author if any of these views disagree with your pathetic, laughable, closed-minded world-view. Have a nice day.

Author's Note:

Wow, rereading the first few chapters I've realized how much more serious this story has become. Of course, seriousness is relative.

On an unrelated note, I do not enjoy the taste of pickles.

Stay awesome. Try not to die.