Destination: Thataway!

by Hawattie

Keep calm and... GAH! A SPIDER!

As it turns out, Ner'Ghalad's new evil fortress of evil was constructed right next door to his old evil castle of evil. He had apparently constructed it as some sort of temp base while his old castle underwent renovations. From what I understood, he'd called in some fashionista from some podunk town near Canterlot to restore the tapestries.

There was also a team of twenty or so masons repairing the place after a couple thousand years of decay, but they didn't care if the villain lurked while they worked. The tapestry girl was the one who insisted the castle be vacant of "tacky villains" while she worked.

My friends were hiding out under a rock in Ner's backyard. We emerged from under the rock with a dull grinding noise. Right next to us was a great big stone wall, complete with rampart, manned by skeletal lookouts. One of these lookouts noticed our emergence and signaled to another skeleton. The second skeleton ran off into the fortress, presumably to tell Ner about us.

None of my companions seemed to notice the skeletal lookouts. In fact, none of them looked to the top of the wall at all. So either they all were so used to the skeletons breathing down their necks that they ignored them, unlikely after only three days, or they couldn't see them at all. Since I had the ability to see the supposedly "invisible" statues in the Sorceress's basement when nobody else could, I wasn't counting out the possibility. I decided to point it out, just in case. "You guys realize that Ner'Ghalad knows where your base is, right?"

"What?" Fphant sounded incredulous. "I enchanted the entrance to be unnoticeable to anyone who doesn't know where it is."

I was right then, they couldn't see them. "But I'm guessing if someone were to watch us exit your little hideaway they'd see two ponies, a human, and a mirage pop out of the ground. Then they could mark that spot and keep watch on that patch of ground."

Fphantom scoffed. "Sure, that'd work." I started to nod triumphantly, but Fphant continued. "If someone had ever seen us. I've made sure that nothing was in sight every time we came or went."

"I'm gonna assume you didn't see the invisible skeletons on top of the wall, right?" All three of their eyes snapped up and started searching the ramparts. The Courier had his big gun out and was scanning for threats while the other two merely looked panicked.

The water-guy whose name I never learned shot me an annoyed look. "What gives man, you trying to freak us out or something?" The Courier stowed his gun and Fphant looked at me funny.

"Is this like at the Sorceress's place?" the mirage asked. I grinned and nodded. The other two didn't look convinced, and why would they? They weren't in the Sorceress's basement with us. I picked a hoof-sized rock up off the ground and inspected it. Nice and jagged, perfect for braining someone with. I buffed it against my chest to remove a bit of dirt.

"What are you..." the Courier said. Before he could finish I chucked the rock as hard as I could at the top of the wall. The rock flew true, bouncing off of a skeleton's skull with a loud clonk. The brittle bone fragmented, leaving a headless -and apparently visible, based on my friends' reaction- skeleton to topple off the wall and land at my hooves. My rock spiraled up into the air, glinted magnificently in the sunlight, and landed right into my waiting hoof.

The Courier and puddle boy shared a look. "You should tell us what goes through your mind sometime," pond man said.

"I'll send you a copy of my autobiography later," I said, tossing my trusty rock over my shoulder. The rest of the invisible skeletons took cover behind the fortress's ramparts. "They're scared now," I said, grinning my madpony grin. One of the skeletons peeked around the stone and I locked eyes with it. If skeletons could yelp with fright I'm sure this one would've as it ducked back out of sight. "They thought they were safe because we couldn't see them." My grin widened to the point of being deranged. "That's good. I want Ner to be afraid when I break into his 'impenetrable' fortress and knock him from his 'untouchable' throne."

"About that," the water guy said. "We've scouted out the entire perimeter of the wall. There's no way for us to get in without flying, and I'm sure there's spells in place to prevent that."

I focused my madpony gaze on him. To his credit he only flinched slightly. "You know, I don't think I ever learned your name."

He blinked. I think he was expecting me to say something stupid like "are you sure?" or "there's always a way" or "do you like Daring Do?". After a moment he managed to say, "I'm Aquapony."

"Very nice to officially meet you, Aquapony." I grabbed his hoof and shook it twice. "Welcome to the crazy crew. Please pick up after yourself and try not to damage Fphant's fragile psyche any more than it already is." Aquapony gave me a bewildered look. Fphant facepawed. The Courier chuckled. "I'll have to ask for your story later, I'm a little busy plotting a vengeance-fueled killing spree right now."

My plotting session consisted of about fifteen seconds of hemming and hawing followed by a light bulb manifesting itself over my head. I glared at Fphant, who blushed and dispelled the illusory light bulb. "This fortress has a gate, portcullis, door, or other form of guarded entry, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?"

I grinned. "I'm gonna go knock on it."

My "you're a moron look" quota was something that I'd been falling behind on. I can now proudly state that I'd filled my quota for the next three days. "Which way is it?" I asked.

Fphant pointed to the left. "It's thataway."

Author's Note:

So, not very much vengeance-fueled killing in this chapter, that rock got its moment of glory but other than that not so much. Ah well, it's (probably) coming.

Anyways, today is Thataway's birthday! Or at least it still is here, I know some time zones have already passed into tomorrow, but it's 11:20 here and that's what counts.

Stay awesome. Try not to die.

Comments

[Zytharros]

I like this insane OC. He is sweet!

[Hawattie]

4375355
You know, I honestly don't remember what I was referring to there. It has been over a year since that note was written and you're the first person to actually point anything out, so if you want a year old internet muffin it's yours. I'm pretty sure the stuff growing on it is safe.

[Legion222]

4375644
Meh, I'll take it. A stale and probably moldy Internet muffin is better than no Internet muffin, right? Also, I was not notified of your reply, for some reason.

I'll admit, I've just been waiting for the Ner'Whatshisface to summon Thresh, Hecarim and/or Mordekaiser ever since that chapter with the four-headed skeleton thing. I can imagine the chapter ending now: The giant metal man pointed (arbitrary direction), "It's thatahue."

It's kind of saddening to realize that the story isn't over yet. I'd kind of been hoping that you had intentionally ended it on Chapter 42. Don't get me wrong; I want to see more of this. I was just slightly dissappointed that you didn't pull that off. Ah, well. The more the merrier, eh?

I'll definitely be following this story.

Write on,
Legion

[Hawattie]

4397550
I legitimately laughed out loud at "Thatahue" I'm definitely going to have to use it, and having Ner summon Mord is certainly a great way to do so.
Now, how to fit him in... Ah, I know! I hear Ner'Ghalad has an available position in his staff. Something about answering the door...?

[Legion222]

4397586
All of my yes.

Write on,
Legion