This was funny at first but now I'm bored...
Sorry. It's not a bad story it's just I can't keep reading the same thing over and over, even if it's written a new way.

Pfff, I did not see a Lyra chapter coming. And the way Lyra writes this it's basically like someone writing about wanting to bang Bigfoot.

PS: When are you going to do the inevitable chapter where the other characters find what Twilight's been writing and turn the tables on her? Or is she sacrosanct for this fic?

PPS: Small typo, shouldn't it be either "it's biologically impossible!" or "it's a biological impossibility" for that last outburst at the end of the fic?

...I should have known.

And that, ladies and gentlemen... Sums up the whollllle chapter.

~Skeeter The Lurker

I read the Lyra part in this voice.

Do Trixie next! She'll probably either write about my OC or Twilight.

Oh god 2nd person self inserts and HIE: the bane and trash of MLP fanfiction. Prefect a picture version of one. I could barely stand reading Lyra's "work".

I feel your pain, Twilight.

Any hints as to the next atrocity? I mean what cliches are left? Rape? Foalcon?

I wonder what Gilda would write about?

CMC clop writers, YAY?

Lyra, Lyra.....not sure what else I could have expected from you and you did not disappoint. By the way, are we going to see Twilight made clop?

2873033 Yeah, I'm kinda at my limit as to what new cliches of bad clopfic I can parody. I could probably come up with more, but I'd probably be starting to force it.

2873124>>2873049 I honestly don't know. Like I said, it's getting to the point where there isn't enough stuff that I haven't used already. There are tons of fetishes to parody, obviously, but the stories have always been just as much about parodying crappy writing as the subject matter. I.e. RD's disregard for formatting, Rarity's Purple Prose, etc, and I'm just not sure I can come up with much more of that without starting to redo things.

That and while there are tons of kinks to work with, a lot of them aren't things that I'd really want to take a swing at, even as parody. For instance, I have serious doubts about my ability to write about something like rape and still have it be funny, even as a spoof.

2873049 2873158 I'm probably not going to write a Twilight chapter, primarily because it would have to be either perfect (to confirm her ability as someone who knows what she's talking about) or awful (for irony) and I doubt I could do it justice.

I probably will do followups where Twilight discusses the stories with the authors though. But I'm not sure whether to make them chapters of this story or make it it's own sequel fic.

This is hilarious. More please.

2873033 Seconded. Seriously needs some more diversity in what the clopfics have and Twilight's reaction to them. I get she's getting fed up with reviewing that kinda stuff, but at least diversify the clopfics a bit to not be so....predictable. I read the title for the chapter and immediately I knew it was gonna be about this. I read anyway. Was disappointed I was dead on the money with that prediction.

Course, it's your story, go ahead and do whatever the fuck you want with it, I'm just handing out suggestions.

>>Okay, I normally don't like to harp too much on Lyra's

I see what you did there...

Princess Luna next, maybe? Also, I kinda have to wonder, how the hell do you do research for this? Just read an ungodly amount of clop?

"Well, I am a unicorn mare, but what if an earth pony or pegasus reads this story? Or a stallion? The second person storytelling could be problematic if the character described doesn't match up with the reader. It's really hard for say, a male earth pony to identify with a character, even if they are being identified as "you". Granted, such a pony might just not be within your target audience, but you should be aware that you might be dramatically narrowing the scope of your readers."

Exactly. This is why I've never really gotten into second-person clopfics. Something as simple as the "you" of the story using their right hand instinctively for "favorite hand" activities (full disclosure: I'm left-handed) can pull me out of these sorts of fics just like *snaps fingers* that. In fact, I can only think of one "serious" second-person clopfic that I honestly enjoyed, and (as I said in the comments of that fic) it's due to the point of the story being for the author to introduce their OC, so it focused on her more. Though, thinking about it, it might've helped that some standards were set on who the "you" in the story was in the description, standards that are likely agreeable to the target audience, but I'm digressing here.

(Of course, I've also enjoyed "Speaking of Sex" by TheOnly and "Bill O'Reilly Writes a Second Person Clopfic" by Bill O'Reilly, but those were parodies of the concept, not intended to be serious)

2873219 Honestly, I really don't have to do that much "research". Mainly I absorb it through secondhand complaints about stuff. I don't think I've ever even read a legit human/pony conflict.

So when do we get to see what the Cutie Mark Crusaders try and write as a clopfic in an effort to get their cutie marks? Maybe their efforts are better than any of the others Twilight's read except for a few grammar issues?

Thought it is quite well-written, which is much better than I can say for most things.

The irony is not lost on me, sir.

Finally, the Lyra chapter appears! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

some sort of implement that fell off of a pegasus moving wagon,

I just don't know what went wrong!

the Cutie Mark Crusaders building a trebuchet...

I could see them doing that, too.

And that's how Equestria was unmade!

Oh well, at least you won't have to worry about getting pregnant.

Your voice cracks as you force the words out. "I- I'm pregnant."

Oh, Twi. When will you learn not to tempt fate?

On a more personal note, if this is where Twi's proofreading misadventures end, you've definitely gone out on a high note. And I'm not just saying that as a Lyra fanboy.

Fuck yeah, cryptozoology!

With that out of the way, this chapter was fucking hilarious! The second Twilight mentioned pregnancy, I just knew that it would happen.

2873298 That should be amusing, as they display a... frightening level of knowledge for fillies of their age, and Twilight asks things like, "Where did you learn this?"

I also wonder if by this point Twi's friends are trying to see just how many Ponyville ponies they can talk into writing some bizarre clopfic (vore! Transformation! Inflation! Even weirder stuff!) and inflicting it on Twilight just to see how long it takes before she goes utterly mad and begs Celestia to send her to a weather station on the moon for the rest of eternity.

2873049 Pfff, I did not see a Lyra chapter coming. And the way Lyra writes this it's basically like someone writing about wanting to bang Bigfoot.

There was a whole book full of exactly this published - by a for-real publisher, no less, not some fly by night outfit -- back in the 70's. Except it was declared to be 'real accounts', which not even the most foolish Bigfoot hunters accepted. You can look for it on Amazon under the title, 'Nights with Sasquatch', and it can be yours for the low, low price of $187.53. I wonder if they think that anyone who has that much cash will actually spend it on that &#@! book.

2873182

Well, terrible OC's and crossovers seem relatively untouched so far.

Those seem like the sort of artifacts of bad writing that could be mocked without making the authors "bad people." Like, so far, despite the weirdness of the writing, none of the characters have become any less sympathetic. But if, say, Gilda wrote about wanting to rape Dash in half and poop in her mouth, that'd probably cross the line.

Make them laugh, just make them laugh.

THANK YOU for ripping on second person human-on-pony clopfics. They get more time in the Featured box than they deserve. Too damn many of them in general, dammit.

Also, after the "big reveal" at the end, and the long pause by Twilight, I envisioned the scene from Downfall where Hitler slowly, shakily removes his reading glasses before launching into a 4 minute tantrum.

Ooh! And does the Pinkie chapter count as parodying a totally gross clopfic? I think the one Miss Me? by darf is plain disgusting, yet everybody seems to love it for some reason. A review of one geared toward a fetish for stale semen would be interesting to see. Hell, you should try M/M clop too.

Hang on, hang on just a sec...

*runs off*
*comes back with a glass of milk*

Hold on, hold on...

*holds up a finger while taking a big drink of milk*
*mouth full, checks to make sure you're still paying attention*

PFFFFFFTHAHAHAHAHA!

Loved it. Especially since your author's notes reflected my thoughts almost precisely: tired of the whole human-obsessed Lyra thing really, but it's perfect for parodying the specific peculiar subgenre. You are officially spiffy.

Do you really need to specify that it's a human penis? I mean, what other kind would it be? We know he's a human, after all.

Oh my sweet gentle christ thank you for that statement. I'm so sick of smut that uses "pony (insert anatomy here)." Drives me up the wall.

Alright, so, be careful, all those 'wins', 'cookies' and 'internets' you now have should be properly organized and put away or it could destroy your computer. Be safe, and keep writing you glorious master of comedy.

one request (really two, but I would like at least the second one)
2 unidentified scrolls are left on a table with a note from spike that says someone requested a proofreading.

One is a sensual fic with the standard cliches of over romanticised first times in less common terms (i.e. pull out a dictionary and find words that aren't really used in common speaking but mean the same as a more common word [that isn't considered purple prosing is it?]) or more archaic writing (thees and thous)

The other is a thinly veiled student/teacher relationship that actually has just horribly done clop (perhaps even clop that was just shoehorned in?) but an otherwise believable story behind it

3 guesses each on which belongs to who and just how badly it breaks poor Twilight's mind

Nice job catching the annoyance of 2nd person fics btw

That was funny and your remarks on 2nd person stories are spot on. I still don't understand why they are so popular when a first person point of view does a way better job of immersing the reader... Maybe because then you have to come up with characterization and names and everything

I hope you can get a few more chapters out, but it's true that it's getting hard not to repeat yourself. Here are some ideas, maybe you can get something out of these.
- You can try having a stallion write a story for a change (and have no idea of what mares like or not, of course, and act out of some ridiculously hardcore porn movie's book). Could be fun to have one who doesn't even understand how estrus works in ponies, too.
- Or you can try to poke some fun at the stories where the self insert protagonist is so attractive that absolutely everyone wants to sleep with him/her. And does. Mares become futa for no reason when needed.
- Maybe have a try at the standard (?) "mare goes into the Everfree and gets screwed/raped/impregnated by some horrible creature (and likes it)" story.
- One last idea is to have a pony that everyone expects to be innocent turn out to be the most depraved sex beast in Ponyville. It could be fun to have Twilight so shocked that she just can't stop watching the trainwreck.

I wonder what Lyra's... I mean my baby would look like

Oh, Lyra. Keep shining your little light.

Amongst other things, I find it pretty great that Twi is getting more and more lax about the little word substitution errors as this project continues. Also, if this series comes to a close with you pulling off a credible Celestia chapter (to close what little arc has been set up) I should probably just toss you the keys to my Internet so you can drive it around for the day.

You know. There's a story here. After that lackluster sex scene continue with the human escaping, holding down Lyra and forcing a potion down her throat. The Autodictation Scroll falls down and rolls under the Sofa. A few weeks later she finds it there. The next time she meets a human she has secret recording devices everywhere.

Oh, and yeah, Celestia doing a hot for teacher story. Or general foalcon...YES! Celestia a fillyphile! Making Twilight think about how she always nuzzled and cuddled her, but less and less in the last few years. How Celestia lost interest in her!

Folks have brought up the CMC's, and... well, I've got *experience* with those fics. I've mentioned it before, when discussing the trenches of the FF8 Zelphine Wars.

The worst part about reading a clopfic by somebody who's underaged is that, typically, you do not know that they're underaged... but you have this growing sense of dread while reading the story that they are. For a chapter like that, ideally Twi wouldn't even know that the CMC's wrote it.

It might be similar to Spike's in that they don't know the language, but more often they're just vague and fuzzy about the parts they don't grasp, in my experience. Of course, Spike lives in a library, where he can look up all the naughty parts he wants, so he gets a pass there.

But that brings me to the other part of "probably written by a 12-year-old girl" clopfics that gets terrifying.

The sexual mores put on display, and the sickening feeling that the author actually believes this is how the world works. Whether it's horrifyingly abusive relationships being treated as "wuv, true wuv!" (see: Twilight), or rape being treated as a perfectly valid way of saying "hi, I like you!" (I've actually seen this) and being treated as another sign of "wuv, true wuv" (again, seen it), the worst stories out there, from a "God my soul hurts" perspective are those that make you think they were written by a pre-teen... and worry that maybe somebody needs to call CPS.

This is turning into one of the most hilarious things on this site! I'm dying after every chapter!

2874255
That's a rather unkind view of second person stories. They have a different sense of immersion, but simply saying that they're a sign of lazy writing is both insulting and untrue. I don't particularly care for humanised stories, but I don't go around insulting every author who writes them.

That was a problem with Twilight's author tract in the story as well, detracting from the humour a bit since it was simply mocking what you don't like. That would be something to watch out for, actually, as Twilight simply harping on things she (or you) don't like isn't something I'd want to read anymore.

Addendum: To the point about humanised stories above, I could claim that they're a sign of people lacking the imagination to adjust to a pony universe, but that's just not true, and I'd be a fool for actually saying so.

2873072
Yay Trixie!
Will she call it her Great and Powerful Clop?

2874995
Well, I don't hate second-person narration in itself, but personnally I think it should only be used in interactive stories where you can decide, instead of being told, what "you" do.

In a regular story, every time the author gives the protagonist some characterization, it stops being "you" and becomes someone else, that I am somehow supposed to believe is the real me... It makes no sense and every time "I" do something that I would never do, the immersion goes down the drain.
If the protagonist has no characterization at all, then at least the reader can pretend to be him, but then you have a character that's nothing more than a boring cardboard cutout. You can't go very far with that : either you have a story about someone with no personality at all or "I" will have to make some choice and start becoming a real character, different from the real me.

Now, I'm not implying that writing a 2nd person story is lazy. Actually, I'm sure that writing a "choose your own adventure" book is a lot more work than a regular novel.
What I am implying is that lazy writers will write 2nd person fics to save the effort of actually designing a real character. Considering that this is the main character of the story, I think it's a huge mistake.

2875013

Eh, maybe.

webmemes.org(descflip)

...I like my desk flip better...

2875202

If the protagonist has no characterization at all, then at least the reader can pretend to be him, but then you have a character that's nothing more than a boring cardboard cutout.

Precisely. Twilight doesn't comment much on this in her review, but Lyra's story has a frustrating hallmark of bad writing: the "generic" description. The main character is a generic unicorn who's not too ugly, not too attractive. He/She's a Goldilocks bowl of porridge, not someone we can visualize (although we know she's a stand-in for Lyra, not "you"). We see the same when she goes out:

It's a pretty much regular day. You wake up, eat breakfast, and go outside. It's a nice day. It's not too hot or cold, and it doesn't look like rain.

Nothing in a story should ever be "regular" or "average" or "normal." If it is, don't mention it! If it isn't, describe it! Second-person protagonists fall into this trap often, since they're supposed to be "you," but it's a lesson all writers should take to heart.

How about a fic where the main character has some weird fetish and everyone else just happens to share it despite the main character feeling they need to hide it. Or a fic with established character who are severely OOC.

Well... at least it not male preg.

Ok, I had to take a couple breaks reading this to catch my breath because Twilight's reactions are goddamn hilarious.

Lol love it! Knowing Twilight she may not want to keep proofreading at this point.

"reads top part of paragraph about 2nd person writing" ...this is why i pretty much never read that genre (sub-genre?). it always feels too weird to me to even try reading a entire 2nd person story. far as the whole xenophilia thing... o.O uh nice way of pointing out some of the more obvious issues that come with that sort of stuff.

lyra is about as weird as people who like non-human creatures as far as i can tell which might make her rather common actually >.>

Oh my god...Lyra why?!
*flips the table again* (╯°□°）╯ ︵ ┻━┻
My gawd! That was the worst one yet! Plot wise not story-writing-skills wise. Oh my gowhz! Lyra?!
How could you do dat?!
My mind...is so full of fuck right now!
((I am over-reacting because I hate human/pony and 2nd person stories))

Oh Celestia, this is going to be interesting
-----
..... What? Pregnant? Humans? Penis? What?
But.. But.. Oh whatever. Now me time! The nest one should be a story where Derpy bangs the Doctor! Or a muffin.. Or just whatever the hell you want to do!
... But Derpy x Doctor

Hopefully soon, Celestia will be sending in her clopfic featuring her pseudo mother daughter relationship with Twilight.
Bonus trauma points if her sister is involved.

Very funny.

...
..umm...
wat.

Just...why...?
My laughter will boom through these halls for many seconds to come.

The laughing nearly killed me
One of the best clopfics ive ever read till now

Still waiting for Twi to write the perfect clopfic and make her friends read it as an "example how to do a proper clopfic".

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Yes.