It's been a week since Nightmare Night, and Twilight can't seem to free her mind of Luna ever since their unique farewell. Her starry flowing mane, her pristine teal eyes, her gleaming dark sapphire coat. It's only going to get worse for our studious mare when one night Luna shows up and has a request.
A date. Comedy, Romance, and even some drama heading your way.
Proof-readers :MasterJedi and DJ GarV the Expert
Criticism is always welcomed.
Teen rating for alcohol and adult themes.
Chapters (4)
Well, that escalated quickly. Good portrayal of Twilight, and interesting to have a teleporting stalky Luna. Good story!
Gonna read this later. Bedtime
Ooo, stalker Luna? My interest has been piqued.
I'm a sucker for anything TwiLuna. Pace might be a tad quick, otherwise not bad. Hope to see it get fleshed out a bit more.
Some things that caught my eye :
"up in sudden clearance." should be "with sudden clarity."
Clearance deals with an amount of empty space, clarity is a lack of obfuscation. While something can be within a state of lacking obfuscation, it is more of a possessed trait and thus use "with" instead of "in".
You use the word plethora, and do so correctly. This breaks a string of three incorrect uses in a row observed recently in various works. You receive 366 bonus gold for shutting down Plethora's killing spree.
Midnight is usually more than one ding, isn't it? Maybe the ponies tone it down to single strokes on the cardinal hours of the night out of consideration for light sleepers? Not a major point.
Commas are your friends. Learn to treat them gently, and they'll nuzzle right up to your words to give them nice, easy, natural spacing.
I like the image of Luna as a capricious figure out of pony myth, able to appear at so much as a whisper of her name or a careless word in the dark.
Almost like a pony Candlejack. Oh wait, no, please don't ta-
969675
I'll be sure to fix the clarity problem. Thanks, and who is Candlejack?
969686
he is a character from a tv show, Freakazoid. I've never seen it but apparantly he kidnapps people that say his name. On the internet this is usually shown as people saying "Candlejack" having their posts cut out mid senten-
Sometimes 969686 I forget that not everyone saw the same things out in the wild parts of the Internet. Thankfully 969716 summed it up nicely.
Now on to business. When will we see more of this? How long should I hold off on sending out the Author Hounds to drag you in for a mandatory update if you don't come willingly?
Keep calm and canter on.
969733
My goal is to update it at least once a week because I'm going to be working on a sequel for a different story of mine. So once, maybe twice a week. I'll also be going back to college soon so that will surely affect how often I'll be able to update, or even write for that matter. Anyways, simple answer, once a week ideally.
Her purple eyes immediately shot open...
Loled harder than I should probably have.
Good one. Looking forward for the next chapter.
Bronydragon
This pleases me! Continue
Well.
This is very short one.
But I love this kind of style you write.
Well-written and very interesting!
Good job!
969857
First chapters tend to be short for me, but they will get longer due to my over-active mind.
An interesting start, I look forward to seeing where this is going.
Twiluna? This will be interesting.
Keep it up!
969871
Thx for reply.
This is really an interesting one (humorous and well-written) while I've read many Twilight-Luna fictions.
I'll follow your fiction. Good job!
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7luqqtTp71qfhoxoo1_1280.png
Best Pairing you have my attention a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/u/lunaughtyplz.png
Can't wait for next chap, too lazy to make a real comment right now.
Well... I can hardly call this a full chapter... its more like a prologue but I'll give this one a change and see what happens, I don't have much else to say about it, so far it's pretty bland plot wise.
970652
I will ponder that as this being a prologue. I see what your saying concerning that and I like it. As for the plot, well, I'll get into that in the next chapter definitely
. Thanks for reading.
I'm going to read for shits and giggles
969733 Dont talk about Candlejac̲͍̗͎̿̔͆ͅ-
Awaiting more :D
Looks extremely promising, Tracked and Watched !
Never read a shipping with these two.
It's interesting I cant wait for more!
Twi/Luna is SO CUTE!
awww shit twiluna
969675>>970685>>971201 You all are a bunch of foals, You should nvr say the name candleja-
One thing I did notice that kind of bothered me is your use of multiple adjectives. When you apply more than one adjective to something you should separate them with commas. On the whole however, I really like what you've come up with here and look forward to seeing more.
970163
Made me laugh
This is pretty darn cute so far, and I (so far, again) I like your writing style. I may be biased. A little. Teeny bit.
THAT THUMBNAIL!!!
i.imgur.com/0AYAn.png
'Ello, what's all this then?
972574 You've never read a Twiluna ship before? Poor, deprived child! Get thee to the Twiluna group!
Luna be creepin'.
Looking forward to more!
I may just dislike because I like Luna....
995631
Can't resist reading twiluna fics! Keep up the good work!
Bored...Bored....Favourite update?Lunar Love?NEW CHAPTER?
My night has been made.
Well... That escalated quickly.
Biggest. Pony pipebomb. Ever!!!
Still a better love story than Twilight.
...wait...
Luna and twily... not my favorite paring.. but when ya look at my own sotry... I guess its obivous who i tihnk is best pairing. Though I do enjoy this. Twilgiht is a complete dolt.. tohguh dont always leave on cliffhangers.
(It looks like that Luna needs to do something like CPR for Twilight who may have a heart attack after listening to Luna's request.)
"How art thou?"
"I ask of thee to go on a date with me."
The ending of each chapter is very strong and also makes great impacts on your readers.
Oh my holy Celestia and Luna as my witness, this is the best and interesting romance fim-fiction I have ever read.
The words are so fluent and sweet.
This story may be too sweet and may cause diabetes.
Where is my insulin or Avandia?
Yep, it's got all the makings of the cookie-cutter fuzzy-feeling Twilight/X fic.
-Emotion Confusion
-Ask Rarity
-If Princess: I'm Not Worthy
Well, I like fuzz, so I'm gonna keep reading.
ooooh how adorably fabulous this story is i can't wait for the next chapter to be released
I love how you've managed to create such a fast pase in this story, and kept it feeling natural. Keep up the good work
Twiluna is best pairing.
Combines best pony (Luna) with my favorite shipee Twilight.
In the immortal phrasing, when it comes to Twiluna "THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED"
There are two stories in the Featured box right now with the same image, just on different backgrounds.
This place sure does love it some TwiLuna, doesn't it?
Again with the Luna cliffhanger.