This actually really works well given Fluttershy's personality and Twilight's analysis sounded spot on. Well done. Next victim please. Kinda scared of what Pinkie might write. What if it's in crayon with crude pictures.
I thought you did a good job capturing her character and it felt like I was reading a story by Fluttershy. The laughs however where few and far between. I look forward to seeing who you decide to do next. My hope is Applejack. Pinkie Pie is a genius and she may have the best one so I am hoping you do her last. I am also hoping that you do other characters outside the mane six as well. It would be hilarius if she got one from Luna.
This actually felt very real, oddly enough. The story felt like something Fluttershy would write, knowing the reader would know she wrote it. If she were writting anonymously or under a pseudonym, I could see her being willing to go further in descriptions...although this almost feels like a diary entry where the names were changed to protect the no-longer-so-innocent. Twilight's reaction to the whole thing also felt very real to her.
However, Twilight's second to alst line really sells the whole chapter:
Unless you just gave me the wrong thing, in which case our next conversation is going to be rather awkward.
Yeah, that would be hilarious. So who's next? Pinkie or AJ? And I think it might be interesting if more than just the Mane 6 asked her to do this. What if Spike asked her to proofread something of his (which would be very thinly disguised Sparity smut, if he's old enough to write smut here)? What if Luna is trying to adapt to a modern style of writing, and feels more comfortable showing it to a friend before showing her sister? What if Celestia gives her one as a test of her abilities (either handling the really hard core smut or her ability to accurately edit without fear of the writer's reaction)? What if SHining asks her to proofread one he wrote to give Cadance ideas? (actually, on second thought, other way around on that last one seems more likely.) What if Big Mac wrote something involving thinly disguised himself and her as seen from Miss Smartypants perspective, putting his stealing of the doll at the end of 'Lesson Zero' in a whole new light? Or, if you want it to be really strange, a veiled Big MacXMiss Smartypants story? What if Discord asks her to proofread his story...which is surprisingly well written but makes her very uncomfortable?
WOAH! When did this get 391 likes? I feel good knowing I was here from the beginning. Anyway, nice chapter. I want Pinkie next, lets see what's in that mind.
2282220 I may have failed the exhibitionism fetish, but my first guess about the voyeurism was right(for some reason, i have always thought that Fluttershy has an voyeur fetish) Anyways, i vote for Pinkie next, and i was wondering if you plan on writing the conversations that Twilight will have with the mane six about their stories(Rarity and Fluttershy would be very interesting)
Wow.... the story really REALLY felt true to Fluttershy's character. I'm not sure if this was a self-insert fiction or a dairy entry with an alias by Fluttershy, but I think that only makes it work better. I'd have had Twilight point out the over use of 'she' at the start of every sentence instead of just noting the redundant sentences... maybe that's a personal issue I have, but whatever. Again, the real crowning jewel of this chapter is how much I feel Fluttershy stays true to her character... you know.... without the TV-Y restrictions of course. So yeah, fantastic job keeping them in character. The previous chapters were good too, but this... just wow. so shy.... so Fluttershy.
So, still got AJ and Pinkie. After that there are options to branch out and spike is a liked optional. Maybe add Twilight as interimbonus where she goes back and proofreads one of her own stories?
Btw. You do know that most people will want to see more than the mane 6 considering the excellent quality of your story ;)
I'm not gonna lie. I've read only 3 lines of this and I already can't stop snickering to the point I can't read more. I just keep remembering the prior chapters and the hilarity they brought.
2330999 I already had an idea of what I wanted to do with Pinkie, but that idea might be too good to pass up.
2331055 Might help if you said where she missed the comma.
2331429 I'll probably get to it eventually, but I want to get through the major characters before starting up on the background ones.
2331052>>2331045>>2331187>>2331483 I'm kinda relieved to hear that it worked out well. After the utter crappiness of RD's fic, and the overblown purple prose of Rarity's, I knew it would be really tough to live up to expectations. I decided to lean more on the subtle side this time, and apparently it worked.
2331124>>2331335>>2331298 I'd love to write scenes where they react to the criticism, but I'll probably hold off on that until I get through the mane cast at least. More logical place to have a break.
Anyway, that leaves three characters in the running:
: 17 : 13 : 6
AJ looks like she's going to be next, followed by Pinkie. Let's keep the votes coming.
On a more serious note... you did great on this chapter. I'm glad you didn't go the Fluttershy is a sex-maniac as soon as everyone else turns away. Definitely kept in character to Fluttershy, and while not as hilarious as the prior chapters the change of pace was perfect for the type of chapter that this would have to be. Looking forward to the next chapter and looking even more forward to the Rarity Twilight conversation. That is gonna be great. Of course that's assuming that you will write the meetings to each of the characters after Twilight gives them back their works.
Cheers!
Last note: Will laugh if Spike's fic is pretty much him just having an orgy with the mane 6.
Just like Fluttershy's story, this story is a bit of a surprise. I don't think I laughed twice throughout the whole thing, but it was an interesting read all the same. It's nice to see Twilight's nurturing, supportive side highlighted so nicely here, instead of just having her freaked out all the time (as hilarious as that is). Plus, just like with your other stories, I bet most of the readers can relate with Twilight's frustration, since everyone's run into some attempt at erotica like Fluttershy's, which failed through sheer spectacular blandness.
Also, it's good that you didn't delve into Freaky Sexual Deviant territory with Fluttershy. That makes me look forward to Pinkie Pie's story all the more! Heheh!
Really liked this chapter. It was a lot less funny, but also extremely believable. I really hope you do chapters where each character reads her notes at the library with her and reacts to them. It would be interesting to see this going into a more traditional story format with back-and-forth dialogue after the actual proofreading is over.
Oh man they just get better and better. Love how you toned down Fluttershy's possible fetish in this one, makes the chapter less cliche that way. Although as I read this I couldn't help but think of several stories I've read where 'Shy is secretly a best selling romance/erotica author. Made reading this bit 20% funnier.
2332406 I second that. Though it might be better if they had already read the comments beforehand and they just discuss them (Rarity would be an awkward one lol).
Big macintosh! You need to write a story by big Macintosh. Not that I would mind if you made him gay, but its kind of been overused now, so try something different maybe?
You should do one where Twilight get so used helping her friends with these that she finds one under spikes bed (written by spike) edits it and lays it on the cover Spikes price would be faceless Edit: I just now realized my error but im to lazy to fix it
I was going to say something but everything I was going to say has already been said.
Except I was going to ask if any of the Main 6 were going to have a 'real' work - then I realized that's what I was reading. Uhm, that's badly explained. I've been looking at this more from the POV of a prank on Twi almost. It's not (unless it is! ) but for some reason, I don't - didn't? - look at these as their serious attempts. I don't know why. Anyway, I was going to vote whoever wasn't going to be part of this reader-created 'prank' be last but since I created that 'prank' thing in my own head for some bizarre reason ...
My mind does not work like normal peoples' minds work. I vote AJ - leave PP for last.
You know what makes this story just great? It has to be one of the most difficult-to-write stories in history. Writing regular stories is a struggle, writing erotica even more so, but intentionally writing bad stories? You are a literary god. These clopfics are so bad, so horrible, that I can just feel Twilight's pain. I couldn't get through even one of Rarity's paragraphs, which just makes Twilight's notes even better, tearing the story to shreds with literary skill. Bravo bravo encore!
Hm, somehow this was boring and not as fun as the other two chapters. Probably cause it wasn´t so shocking or "whut?" like. I dunno, i really would have liking it more if Shy had been the last one and had written the best clop-fic ever that even Twi was at the end "now i gonna spend some time in the bathroom... to groom myself. Yeah, lets go with that." or something. So it just felt so-so.
This has quickly become my most anticipated series. I love the style you chose for Fluttershy and agree that it suit s her extremely well. No critique, just all of my staches.
2334434 Eh, I knew from the get-go that it wasn't going to be that kind of chapter. I didn't want to trap myself by having to escalate things each chapter, so I made Fluttershy kind of a breather.
2335325 It is, so long as you have a dictionary and lots of patience.
Soooo... Is the next chapter going to be pinkie's story about a food and frosting fetish??? (too much expected, but it could still be a lot of fun) Well, just need to wait and see what you come up with
I love how resigned Twilight has become. She reacted pretty strongly to realizing that RD and Rarity had given her clopfics, but here she's just like, "oh, an exhibitionist are we?" The part where she forces herself not to realize that Fluttershy was masturbating during brunch was great.
Also, thank you for not making this one of those "Fluttershy is into X, where X is something really fucked up" stories. This fetish actually does fit her pretty well, probably more than any other fetish would (except maybe domination/submission, depending on how far that one is taken).
This actually really works well given Fluttershy's personality and Twilight's analysis sounded spot on. Well done.
Next victim please. Kinda scared of what Pinkie might write. What if it's in crayon with crude pictures.
Twilight's probably going to end up traumatized after finding out all of her friends' fetishes...
Why does Twilight know so much about how to write clop?
I thought you did a good job capturing her character and it felt like I was reading a story by Fluttershy. The laughs however where few and far between. I look forward to seeing who you decide to do next. My hope is Applejack. Pinkie Pie is a genius and she may have the best one so I am hoping you do her last. I am also hoping that you do other characters outside the mane six as well. It would be hilarius if she got one from Luna.
This actually felt very real, oddly enough. The story felt like something Fluttershy would write, knowing the reader would know she wrote it. If she were writting anonymously or under a pseudonym, I could see her being willing to go further in descriptions...although this almost feels like a diary entry where the names were changed to protect the no-longer-so-innocent. Twilight's reaction to the whole thing also felt very real to her.
However, Twilight's second to alst line really sells the whole chapter:
Yeah, that would be hilarious.
So who's next? Pinkie or AJ?
And I think it might be interesting if more than just the Mane 6 asked her to do this.
What if Spike asked her to proofread something of his (which would be very thinly disguised Sparity smut, if he's old enough to write smut here)?
What if Luna is trying to adapt to a modern style of writing, and feels more comfortable showing it to a friend before showing her sister?
What if Celestia gives her one as a test of her abilities (either handling the really hard core smut or her ability to accurately edit without fear of the writer's reaction)?
What if SHining asks her to proofread one he wrote to give Cadance ideas? (actually, on second thought, other way around on that last one seems more likely.)
What if Big Mac wrote something involving thinly disguised himself and her as seen from Miss Smartypants perspective, putting his stealing of the doll at the end of 'Lesson Zero' in a whole new light? Or, if you want it to be really strange, a veiled Big MacXMiss Smartypants story?
What if Discord asks her to proofread his story...which is surprisingly well written but makes her very uncomfortable?
Just some ideas.
Twilight forgot a comma. Fix that.
Also, LAWL.
2331019
Why? Practice, of course! Lots and lots of practice! Also, the drive to work through and apply any number of manuals about storywriting.
In any case: Fluttershy's kink was interesting and somewhat logical, I think. I also think once Twilight gives her this review she's going to cry.
WOAH! When did this get 391 likes? I feel good knowing I was here from the beginning. Anyway, nice chapter. I want Pinkie next, lets see what's in that mind.
2282220
I may have failed the exhibitionism fetish, but my first guess about the voyeurism was right(for some reason, i have always thought that Fluttershy has an voyeur fetish)
Anyways, i vote for Pinkie next, and i was wondering if you plan on writing the conversations that Twilight will have with the mane six about their stories(Rarity and Fluttershy would be very interesting)
Really, Fluttershy? At brunch!?
Wow.... the story really REALLY felt true to Fluttershy's character. I'm not sure if this was a self-insert fiction or a dairy entry with an alias by Fluttershy, but I think that only makes it work better. I'd have had Twilight point out the over use of 'she' at the start of every sentence instead of just noting the redundant sentences... maybe that's a personal issue I have, but whatever. Again, the real crowning jewel of this chapter is how much I feel Fluttershy stays true to her character... you know.... without the TV-Y restrictions of course. So yeah, fantastic job keeping them in character. The previous chapters were good too, but this... just wow. so shy.... so Fluttershy.
Nailed it!
I love this fic so much. This chapter was wonderful, and I'm still on tenterhooks for the Twilight/Rarity conversation
You knowI would love to see a reply to these notes. Maybe after each one you can put what the pony said back to her.
So, still got AJ and Pinkie. After that there are options to branch out and spike is a liked optional. Maybe add Twilight as interimbonus where she goes back and proofreads one of her own stories?
Btw. You do know that most people will want to see more than the mane 6 considering the excellent quality of your story ;)
2331052
I'm just hoping that if I keep mentioning it, we'll get a chapter where Twi proofreads one of Lyra's man-on-pony clopfics. I could be the Cato the Elder of HiE clopfic parodies!
I'm not gonna lie. I've read only 3 lines of this and I already can't stop snickering to the point I can't read more. I just keep remembering the prior chapters and the hilarity they brought.
Once more into the breach, however!
I like how you handled Fluttershy.
You really nailed down Fluttershy's personality with her writing :)
I can't wait until AJ sends in her fic for proof reading
funny, but subtle chapter my good sir/madam
2331483
*wink wink*
2331019
Most of her advice is just about writing in general, really.
2330999 I already had an idea of what I wanted to do with Pinkie, but that idea might be too good to pass up.
2331055 Might help if you said where she missed the comma.
2331429 I'll probably get to it eventually, but I want to get through the major characters before starting up on the background ones.
2331052>>2331045>>2331187>>2331483 I'm kinda relieved to hear that it worked out well. After the utter crappiness of RD's fic, and the overblown purple prose of Rarity's, I knew it would be really tough to live up to expectations. I decided to lean more on the subtle side this time, and apparently it worked.
2331124>>2331335>>2331298 I'd love to write scenes where they react to the criticism, but I'll probably hold off on that until I get through the mane cast at least. More logical place to have a break.
Anyway, that leaves three characters in the running:
: 17
: 13
: 6
AJ looks like she's going to be next, followed by Pinkie. Let's keep the votes coming.
.............. It's ALWAYS the quiet ones.
"the events and more like your summarizing them."
more like your summarizing them
like your summarizing
your
Twilight...I am disappoint.
On a more serious note... you did great on this chapter. I'm glad you didn't go the Fluttershy is a sex-maniac as soon as everyone else turns away. Definitely kept in character to Fluttershy, and while not as hilarious as the prior chapters the change of pace was perfect for the type of chapter that this would have to be. Looking forward to the next chapter and looking even more forward to the Rarity Twilight conversation. That is gonna be great. Of course that's assuming that you will write the meetings to each of the characters after Twilight gives them back their works.
Cheers!
Last note: Will laugh if Spike's fic is pretty much him just having an orgy with the mane 6.
Vote for next chapter is AJ, though.
Hey Twilight, Fluttershy is probably peeking through your window, watching you read her clopfic, touching herself.
Just like Fluttershy's story, this story is a bit of a surprise. I don't think I laughed twice throughout the whole thing, but it was an interesting read all the same. It's nice to see Twilight's nurturing, supportive side highlighted so nicely here, instead of just having her freaked out all the time (as hilarious as that is). Plus, just like with your other stories, I bet most of the readers can relate with Twilight's frustration, since everyone's run into some attempt at erotica like Fluttershy's, which failed through sheer spectacular blandness.
Also, it's good that you didn't delve into Freaky Sexual Deviant territory with Fluttershy. That makes me look forward to Pinkie Pie's story all the more! Heheh!
"Don't worry, though. I can keep a secret."
Later...
"SPIKE HAS A CRUSH ON RARITY! AND ALSO FLUTTERSHY HAS AN EXHIBITIONIST FETISH!"
I really like how you handled . Well done!
Maybe could ou do next? Although honestly i'd probobly be pk with or
2331052
I'm suddenly imagining Discord's proof being delivered with a TRO, just in case.
That... or....
*snerk*
Oh, the idea I just had is priceless. Would you mind, Idiotcornball, if I wrote it up as a side-bit to this?
2332289 Sure, as long as you link back to this story. Always need more advertising. And link me to the finished product, of course.
2332289
TRO?
Really liked this chapter. It was a lot less funny, but also extremely believable. I really hope you do chapters where each character reads her notes at the library with her and reacts to them. It would be interesting to see this going into a more traditional story format with back-and-forth dialogue after the actual proofreading is over.
2331689>>2331837>>2331162>>2331052>>2331008
!!How to churn BUTTER!!
Oh man they just get better and better. Love how you toned down Fluttershy's possible fetish in this one, makes the chapter less cliche that way. Although as I read this I couldn't help but think of several stories I've read where 'Shy is secretly a best selling romance/erotica author. Made reading this bit 20% funnier.
That's right. I went there.
2332406 I second that. Though it might be better if they had already read the comments beforehand and they just discuss them (Rarity would be an awkward one lol).
Big macintosh! You need to write a story by big Macintosh. Not that I would mind if you made him gay, but its kind of been overused now, so try something different maybe?
You should do one where Twilight get so used helping her friends with these that she finds one under spikes bed (written by spike) edits it and lays it on the cover
Spikes price would be faceless
Edit: I just now realized my error but im to lazy to fix it
2332916
It's great the way it is
2332380
Temporary Restraining Order.
I was going to say something but everything I was going to say has already been said.
Except I was going to ask if any of the Main 6 were going to have a 'real' work - then I realized that's what I was reading. Uhm, that's badly explained. I've been looking at this more from the POV of a prank on Twi almost. It's not (unless it is! ) but for some reason, I don't - didn't? - look at these as their serious attempts. I don't know why. Anyway, I was going to vote whoever wasn't going to be part of this reader-created 'prank' be last but since I created that 'prank' thing in my own head for some bizarre reason ...
My mind does not work like normal peoples' minds work. I vote AJ - leave PP for last.
You know what makes this story just great? It has to be one of the most difficult-to-write stories in history. Writing regular stories is a struggle, writing erotica even more so, but intentionally writing bad stories? You are a literary god.
These clopfics are so bad, so horrible, that I can just feel Twilight's pain. I couldn't get through even one of Rarity's paragraphs, which just makes Twilight's notes even better, tearing the story to shreds with literary skill.
Bravo bravo encore!
2332496
How to churn !!BUTTER!!?
Hm, somehow this was boring and not as fun as the other two chapters. Probably cause it wasn´t so shocking or "whut?" like. I dunno, i really would have liking it more if Shy had been the last one and had written the best clop-fic ever that even Twi was at the end "now i gonna spend some time in the bathroom... to groom myself. Yeah, lets go with that." or something. So it just felt so-so.
2334315
!LoL!
Wait, the Rarity chapter was readable?
This has quickly become my most anticipated series. I love the style you chose for Fluttershy and agree that it suit s her extremely well.
No critique, just all of my staches.
2334434 Eh, I knew from the get-go that it wasn't going to be that kind of chapter. I didn't want to trap myself by having to escalate things each chapter, so I made Fluttershy kind of a breather.
2335325 It is, so long as you have a dictionary and lots of patience.
2336622 Thanks.
Soooo... Is the next chapter going to be pinkie's story about a food and frosting fetish??? (too much expected, but it could still be a lot of fun)
Well, just need to wait and see what you come up with
I love how resigned Twilight has become. She reacted pretty strongly to realizing that RD and Rarity had given her clopfics, but here she's just like, "oh, an exhibitionist are we?" The part where she forces herself not to realize that Fluttershy was masturbating during brunch was great.
Also, thank you for not making this one of those "Fluttershy is into X, where X is something really fucked up" stories. This fetish actually does fit her pretty well, probably more than any other fetish would (except maybe domination/submission, depending on how far that one is taken).