Thank you. Thank you for forcing me to change my background just so I could see the text

....dick

must resist reading. MUST. RESIST. READING MUST. RESIS- ah fuck it all! I'm reading it

I demand Fluttershy next
Also this was the funniest thing ever, good job sir

Love it!

...

I love you.

to be honest i didn't come into this with high expectations but you got a smile out of me

nice work!

Okay, I laughed quite a few times.

Hmm... probably AJ or Rarity would be the next target.

Applejack writing something barely comprehensible or written in southern.

Rarity would likely write some overly flowery, pretension crap.

GOD DAMN IT! I READ IT AND HAD TO CHANGE THE BACKGROUND FROM TWILIGHT TO LIGHT!
still this was funny

Oh man, this was amazing! It almost feels like it should be required reading for anyone interested in writing clop, since Twilight does give good advice in a rather humorous context. Kinda like one of Wanderer D's "tutorial" blogposts.

Overall, you've earned a fave and a like from me!

It's seriously like that except more painful to read through.

First of all: GAH! The text! MY EYES, THEY'VE BEEN RAPED!!!

Please keep in mind that not everyone uses the plain white background and that muticolored text can really mess with someone's eyes. It should only be used sparingly—if at all.

That said, this was actually rather funny; I'm glad I read it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go rub my eyes with a damp cloth...

I gotta admit, this was fairly funny. As for next, well, she's headed to Fluttershy's place, so Fluttershy I guess.

I can't stop laughing! I don't like SoarinDash by any means, but this was to hilarious NOT to read all the way through, especially with Twilight's commentary! I can just picture her like

I demand Pinkie Pie next! If Rainbow Dash's clopfic made Twilight need to take a shower, Celestia only knows what Pinkie's would accomplish. Most likely something involving pastries and a whole butt load of whipped cream (no pun intended).

... This is hilarious
"Okay, now I know this is a self-insert story."
Grade-A barrel of laughs right there.

Lol I feel bad for Twilight having to read all that but it did make me laugh. Nice Job.

10/10 best clopfic evar.
You got a chuckle or three out of me.
Hoo-haa?
+1 for Pinkie Pie.

I would like to see Rarity writing about some interesting fetish.

I'm recommending this story to the the next bad writer I see.

And one vote for . It's the quiet ones you got to watch out for...

!LoL!

!LoL!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/095/835/Pinkie%20Pie_Brainfulloffuck.jpg
!LoL!

2200393 I second that notion

I wonder if she'll have a more sophisticated approach in her writing

Rainbow Dash, this had better not be going where I think it's going.

*snerk*

Okay, I know for a fact that you masturbate on a fairly regular basis (don't think I don't hear you going at it in the train bathroom when we go on overnight trips), but this mental image is just awkward.

The thing that really determines how pleasurable intercourse is is how well the stallion uses it. Not that I know from personal experience or anything.

This is good attention to detail. Engaging in anal sex without proper lubrication can be painful. Again, I don't know from personal experience. I just read a lot.

So you've, heard, eh, Twi?

And then Aurora had to go to the hospital because she's doubly infected by the honey and the POOP on Soarin's penis. You do realize that the primary purpose of the anus is to take a dump, right? I don't care how well you clean, you have anal sex, you're going to have crap on your dick. The LAST thing you want to do is take that poo-encrusted dick and put it back in. At least have him wipe it off first or something.

Lost it!

Can't wait to read about the others. Oh, and maybe you could have a bonus chapter where Twilight proofreads one of Lyra's "man-on-pony" clopfics! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

2200393
One word: bondage.

Well...This is pretty much what my proof-readers tell me when they actually talk to me, dood.

I'm so watching this for future laughs, dood.

Great, your story just made me wake up my parents.
I hate and love you at the same time.
Homosexuality fully intended.
Cheers, mate!

2200215

(no pun intended)

BULLSHIT!

To me, it sounds like Rainbow is still a virgin. And why did this scene enter my head:

Soarin: "Hey Twilight, what ya' reading?"
Twilight: "Trust me, you really don't want to know."

Do Spike next!

As a guy who does the occasional freelance review and hangs out with people from what used to be the TWE, this is insanely fucking accurate.

A very nice ficlet. I'm looking forward to seeing where this is going. I think it would be interesting to see a follow upchapter for each of her friends where they actually take some of Twilight's advice...only for her to discover she didn't give enough.

Not sure who you should do next, but you should save Fluttershy for last. Have her write a great clopfic, and give Twilight quite the surprise after dealing with crap from all her other friends.

That was fucking hilarious.
Also, drowning yourself in kittens?
5% Better than drowning yourself in puppies

So Rainbow Dash is a straight virgin who knows even less about sex than Twilight...that is actually pretty sad for RD
Could i make an suggestion?
I think a good way to make Twilight even more uncomfortable with reading self-inserts of her friends having sex, is if one of them writes a story where their self-insert has sex with Twilight or a character that is very obviously Twilight, i mean, if Twilight already got this uncomfortable reading a story where Rainbow has sex with Soarin, imagine what she would feel if she read an story where she has sex with Rarity or another one of her friends.

2200806 Hey, don't blame me! I'm not the one with their head in the gutters!

There is only one piece of Twilight's advice that Rainbow should not heed, and that is '...use a dialogue tag other than "said".'

In fact, you should use "said" as much as you can get away with and suppress the urge to replace it with "interesting" alternatives. It's a mistake many aspiring writes make, when they look at their scenes and notice that the dialogue attribution is just a series of "Fluttershy said, Rainbow said, Fluttershy said, Rainbow said." They think this is too repetitive and want to spice it up.

Don't.

The dialogue attribution is not part of the story you want to tell, it is part of the formal structure, like punctuation and formatting - and just like those, you really don't want them to be attention-grabbing or "exciting". If the reader notices them, then there's something wrong.

"Said" is pretty much a non-word that the reader doesn't consciously perceive, any more than a correctly placed comma or a properly spaced paragraph. It conveys exactly as much information as it needs to and no more.

These so-called "Said"-Bookisms and their frequent companion, the "Burly Detective" Syndrome, make for awkward and halting reading, where the conversation should flow effortlessly:

"yay," whispered the yellow animal-lover.

"Louder!" the cerulean Pegasus shouted.

"yay," the pink-maned mare breathed softly.

"Louder!!1!" the speedy flier ejaculated.

Only use something other than "said", when it's absolutely necessary, because the delivery or circumstances of the dialogue cannot possibly be inferred from the context by the reader, but are vital to know.

Twilight is best beta.

I would have just returned it with annote that said "had to wear earmuffs while reading to prevent brain from escaping."

Or just "3 out of 10 - see me after class."

...

Dammit, that could be a fun setup for a different kind of fic.....

OMC, you were hitting every terrible thing I've had to deal with when editing for clop stories. I think you caused me flashbacks to some of the worst I've ever had to read... I don't know if I should congratulate you or beat you to a pulp.

Either way, definitely gets a thumb for being so perfectly terrible.

Stopped reading at "now I know this is a self-insert story". Can't bear to continue
Upvoting and getting out of here.

I suggest next.

next

This is certainly a must read for anyone wanting to write a clopfic, or even a story in general. Good work sir.

I loled

I love parady clop fics like these, they are hilarius.

I can imagine the faces Twilight made when reading the story for the first time. To call this whole idea clever would be an understatement
Though I cannot suppress the thought that asking her to edit this in the first place could just as well be nothing but clever trolling on Dash's part

Seriously I need to go visit Fluttershy and drown myself in kittens or something. Eaugh.

static.fjcdn.com/pictures/This+made+me+rofl.+This+had+me+in+stitches_f96fc3_3889573.jpg

Holy god this entire piece ..........I still can't breathe.
Excellent idea, can't wait to see what the others come up with. Poor Twi.

The funniest part isn't Rainbow's badfic, it's Twilight honestly trying to give good advice for it. At no place does she stops and says "you know this is too much, I'm out of here". She - this is very much Twilight being in character - instead gives a detailed analysis of why it is so bad, even stopping to actually encourage the few good parts she can find. She almost breaks down in the end, but it really looks like a sincere detail-obsessed person is trying to edit a friend's horribly bad self-insert porn celebrity fic. That's great.

2199978>>2200132 Good point. Initially I had it that way to differentiate the sections, but since I added the quoteblocks it really isn't necessary. I'll go through and axe the coloration to make it less of a pain to read.

2201380 Okay, I fully understand the point you're making, but I think the key is moderation, not avoiding any non-"said" dialogue tags unless absolutely necessary. Said Bookism is certainly a big problem in a lot of stories, as going overboard distracts the reader from what is being said and often sounds very contrived. (I'm totally planning to spoof that in a future chapter, most likely Rarity's.) But on the flipside, if you never use any tags other than "said" (like RD does here), it often turns into The Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue. Yes, ideally "said" can be nearly unnoticeable, but when you have too many lines that are simply

"Blah," said X.

"Blah Blah," said Y.

"Blah?" said X.

"Blah!" said Y.

that don't have any sort of descriptors or qualifiers, it can quickly become boring. Obviously you don't want to go far in the other direction and include tons of descriptors in every tag, but adding a few on occasions can convey additional information to the reader that "said" wouldn't. Noting that a character is shouting, or whispering or something can help. it might not be strictly necessary, but as long as you don't overdo it, there's nothing wrong with it. And yeah, you really want to avoid Burly Detective Syndrome like 95% of the time.

TL;DR I agree with 9/10 of what you're saying, I just tend to be a bit more lenient with exceptions.

Anyway, let's tally up the votes we have so far. Going by mentions, we have:

Okay, so Rarity and Pinkie are tied for the top spot, but the Rarity posts have a bunch more upvotes, so that tips the scale in her favor. Unless a bunch of people appear and vote, I'll do Rarity next.

As someone who has proofread multiple clopfics, I found this equal parts cringeworthy, familiar, and funny. But hey, at least Rainbow knew more vernacular terms for a mare's genitals.

Amusing. One more vote for Spike; it won't push him to the top slot but at least he'll be ranked above FS.