You know, as terrible as these are, they are also funny as hell. I love how Pinkie's seemed very stream-of-consciousness and just whatever popped into her head at the moment ended up on the page. Also, illustrations...I'm going to need mind soap.
I am happy to say that this didn't arouse me at all. Yippy! Anyways, Pinkie Pie has some 'fun' with a cake and ends up pissing all over it... Fits my head cannon on Pinkie Pie perfectly (I wish it didn't). Great job!;)
Some possibilities for next installment: Zecora Cadence and shining armor Cheerilee Derpy Celestia Luna Trixe Big Mac Lyra Octavia (look up a cello bow) Vinyl scratch Discord
Otherwise the reader might misunderstand it and think that she shoved a hoof full of cake up her vagina.
(Though if you think about it, Pinkie may have actually been wanting to leave the impression that she was shoving a hoof full of cake up her happy flaps. )
I guess I should just be glad you didn't draw a picture of this. *Insert Pinkie's picture here* ...I stand corrected.
Lost it!
Also also, this one is a lot less about writing advice and a lot more about me just screwing around and seeing how absurd a clopfic written by Pinkie would be.
You, my friend, have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. Have a mustache.
... I don't know why, but this chapter has been unnerving for me. Probably because Pinkies my favorite or something...
Also, how the hell did the MMMM survive the orbital station explosion to bear a child? The Ravers made pretty sure that there would be little survivers.
2519891 Yes, because Shinning Armor would totally send his written erotic story to be proofreaded by his little sister.
2519987 Yeah I know. seriously though if we are going for realism then why did all her friends send her clop? And maybe the writer could imply that it was mistakenly sent to her or that she dosent know who it is until the end
My cookies, and my Internets, take them all, take them, all my fucks, and the bank accouts of Warren Buffet and Bill Gates and go write more of this. This was brilliant.
My current plan is to have one more chapter by Spike. After that, I really don't know. As much as I would love to have more chapters for other characters, I'm not sure how much more new content I can come up with. The thing is, writing this wasn't just about how ponies write lousy fanfic, it was an experiment in exploring all the ways that fanfic can be awful. So far we have:
shitty masturbatory writing about a blatant self insert Purple Prose Uncomfortableness with the subject matter Beige prose Lack of focus, use of gimmicks, and general WTF-ery
I have two or three more ideas of how a clopfic could be awful, but past that I'm afraid I'm going to start repeating myself. Granted, I could still do it from a character-oriented standpoint, but no way in hell would I be able to vary up the style of the prose as much as I've been doing. Basically, I have a few more ideas, and after that I don't know. I'll see.
Spike is next.
2520020 Bah, the Happy Mask Salesman is far more terrifying than anything I could come up with.
2520000 Well, to answer your question, the show never delves into anything sexual, so any speculation to how that's played out is fair game. And this, is fair game, since in the show we've seen all the others go to Twilight for problems. So them sending these sexual fantasies for proofreading and feedback is all within the realm of possibility.
Tl;Dr: This all can totally happen in show if not for rating.
2520027 This, and on a meta-level Twilight is the one who's most prone to analysis, so it made sense to have her be the one giving feedback. Any other pony proofreading wouldn't be quite so in-depth in her examination of their writing. Unless it was like Cheerilee or something, but I wanted to keep in the mane cast.
Also, I have no idea what the hell kind of clopfic Twilight would write, and this save me from having to figure it out.
Are you still thinking about having follow-up chapters with the fic writers? I think I remember that being mentioned in precious comments. I would love to see reactions to Twilight's advice. Possibly done in actual conversations with her.
If I may make a few suggestions for clopfic writers, since our doing Spike next, then how qabout Twilight or even Celestia? Like for Twilight's maybe Celestia or Spike or someone could proofread it.
I hope you do find yourself inspired to do a couple of more Twilight clopfic reviews after Spike's. If so, I pray they're either from Luna and/or Derpy.
As for other stuff, you could always have Twilight's friends or maybe Celestia critiquing something she's written. I dunno. I hope you do a few more of these, either way. I haven't laughed like this due to a fic in years.
2520038 well I for one have seen Twilight (in another ponies write clop fic) write practically 20 pages on scenery, how the ponies in question look, the time , weather, etc before the two ponies kissed
think you could do that if challenged? (and no she didn't purple prose, she simply wrote out the details in excruciating detail)
Lol wow I was kinda of expecting Pinkie Pie to have a huge run on paragraph or something but this was better! Poor Twilight she should had seen most of that coming
>slamming the clam Excuse me sir, could I please have a moment of your time? I appear to have lost my shit. This chapter was glorious. The drawings were a brilliant addition. I could totally see pinkie writing clopfiction like this. In fact I kinda want to see pinkie write more clopfiction like this...
2519891 I somehow get the feeling that if Cadence sent her a clopfic, it would be a love story between Twilight and Shining... maybe with Cadence joining in midway through. It would be hilarious to see Twilight actually getting off to that before finally reading the end and realizing who the characters were.
This was my second favorite so far. You kept Pinkie zany without making her insane. Rarity's will always be best. Slowly forgetting that she was writing about Platinum and Clover was the greatest "twist". Fluttershy and AJ's might have been putting a round peg into an oval hole, close, but not the best fit. I can totally imagine Pinkie's glittery, picture filled story as well as Rarity's catharsis intended "historical fiction".
Mother of Luna, this screwed with my brain. Moar. Next time: incredibly terrible Applejack x Granny Smith. No, Braeburn. No, wait! APPLE FAMILY REUNION ORGY! No, um... screw it, just do as you please.
>you're artistic ability your artistic ability, and >boy parts should probably be "body parts." And I find myself wondering how Twilight included a moving picture of herself in her response—some sort of memory-captured illusion, perhaps? Seeing as her first comment was on the impossibility of Pinkie's cover, it seems odd to me.
Other than those small criticisms, I found this chapter to be the most straightforwardly funny chapter so far, and it was hilarious.
How about writing Twilight, but actually with a good clopfic, one that a) makes sense and b) is erotic. And she gives it to her friends to comment on it, not proofread as she has proofreaded it twice herself already. And after the chapters done we read the five´s comments to it.
Since you´re not up for Wincest, how about a harem/herd one? ^^
you should probably pick a better term for the female anatomy than "vajayay".
Vajayay? Missing a 'j' there I think. Also, I was under the impression that punctuation nests inside the quotes when applicable regardless of context of the quotation marks. I might be wrong, been a while since I last looked at my ... crap, been so long forgot the name of the silly thing. Styles and Usage book. Eh, doesn't matter.
Also, uhm ... well, my boss doesn't have time to READ what I read at work but they might notice the pictures. Still, my fault that.
EDIT: Also, the pics are bad enough that it probably wouldn't matter that much.
You know what would be hilarious? Celestia and Luna sending Twilight their own clopfics. That would be highly entertaining. 2521000 Also this guy's idea. Definitely this guy's idea.
From the first chapter, I thought to myself that I hope Pinkie's fic would be saved for last, because there was no way that it could be anything other than amazing.
You know, as terrible as these are, they are also funny as hell. I love how Pinkie's seemed very stream-of-consciousness and just whatever popped into her head at the moment ended up on the page. Also, illustrations...I'm going to need mind soap.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/191/582/130920645715.png?1319647823
What the...this is...I don't even...
Insert Twilight's animation here.
I love you! You went with my suggestion! Man, we are not going to buy anything from Sugar Cube Corner ever again while Pinkie still works there.
I was cracking up so hard while reading this. Just hilarious and what we would expect out of Pinkie.
And.. I guess this now over. There are no more ponies left.
So, Celestia or Luna next?
I laughed so hard when she lost control of her bladder. Just how you dropped in on us literally made me lose my hard on laughing.
I love it!!!
!LoL!
I am happy to say that this didn't arouse me at all. Yippy! Anyways, Pinkie Pie has some 'fun' with a cake and ends up pissing all over it... Fits my head cannon on Pinkie Pie perfectly (I wish it didn't). Great job!;)
ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.5046334134354853&pid=15.1
That is all.
Some possibilities for next installment:
Zecora
Cadence and shining armor
Cheerilee
Derpy
Celestia
Luna
Trixe
Big Mac
Lyra
Octavia (look up a cello bow)
Vinyl scratch
Discord
That last picture had me howling in laughter. This is by far your best one yet. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Well... I'm off cake. Forever.
Pretty much, Twi.
(Though if you think about it, Pinkie may have actually been wanting to leave the impression that she was shoving a hoof full of cake up her happy flaps. )
Lost it!
You, my friend, have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. Have a mustache.
I can has chapter about Lyra's man-on-pony fic?
2519738
Here you go:
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/151/907/Bleach.jpg
... I don't know why, but this chapter has been unnerving for me. Probably because Pinkies my favorite or something...
Also, how the hell did the MMMM survive the orbital station explosion to bear a child? The Ravers made pretty sure that there would be little survivers.
2519891 Yes, because Shinning Armor would totally send his written erotic story to be proofreaded by his little sister.
2519987
Yeah I know.
seriously though if we are going for realism then why did all her friends send her clop?
And maybe the writer could imply that it was mistakenly sent to her or that she dosent know who it is until the end
My cookies, and my Internets, take them all, take them, all my fucks, and the bank accouts of Warren Buffet and Bill Gates and go write more of this. This was brilliant.
Oh my god this chapter made me laugh so hard.
...but that last illustration...
24.media.tumblr.com/04005702e761a332b3ad473a81b39b22/tumblr_mft8s5kprb1rmxqf9o1_400.gif
AAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!
2519790>>2519797>>2519891>>2519973
My current plan is to have one more chapter by Spike. After that, I really don't know. As much as I would love to have more chapters for other characters, I'm not sure how much more new content I can come up with. The thing is, writing this wasn't just about how ponies write lousy fanfic, it was an experiment in exploring all the ways that fanfic can be awful. So far we have:
shitty masturbatory writing about a blatant self insert
Purple Prose
Uncomfortableness with the subject matter
Beige prose
Lack of focus, use of gimmicks, and general WTF-ery
I have two or three more ideas of how a clopfic could be awful, but past that I'm afraid I'm going to start repeating myself. Granted, I could still do it from a character-oriented standpoint, but no way in hell would I be able to vary up the style of the prose as much as I've been doing. Basically, I have a few more ideas, and after that I don't know. I'll see.
Spike is next.
2520020 Bah, the Happy Mask Salesman is far more terrifying than anything I could come up with.
2520000 Well, to answer your question, the show never delves into anything sexual, so any speculation to how that's played out is fair game. And this, is fair game, since in the show we've seen all the others go to Twilight for problems. So them sending these sexual fantasies for proofreading and feedback is all within the realm of possibility.
Tl;Dr: This all can totally happen in show if not for rating.
2520027 This, and on a meta-level Twilight is the one who's most prone to analysis, so it made sense to have her be the one giving feedback. Any other pony proofreading wouldn't be quite so in-depth in her examination of their writing. Unless it was like Cheerilee or something, but I wanted to keep in the mane cast.
Also, I have no idea what the hell kind of clopfic Twilight would write, and this save me from having to figure it out.
2520038
If I do say so my self I posted a pretty good list,
and have a wonderfully half perverted mind
Are you still thinking about having follow-up chapters with the fic writers? I think I remember that being mentioned in precious comments. I would love to see reactions to Twilight's advice. Possibly done in actual conversations with her.
If I may make a few suggestions for clopfic writers, since our doing Spike next, then how qabout Twilight or even Celestia? Like for Twilight's maybe Celestia or Spike or someone could proofread it.
I hope you do find yourself inspired to do a couple of more Twilight clopfic reviews after Spike's. If so, I pray they're either from Luna and/or Derpy.
Kyahahahaha!
Oh, Pinkie Pie, so are you random!
This was awesome.
And painful, my eyes sting.
I think this was the best chapter so far.
As for other stuff, you could always have Twilight's friends or maybe Celestia critiquing something she's written. I dunno.
I hope you do a few more of these, either way. I haven't laughed like this due to a fic in years.
2520038
well I for one have seen Twilight (in another ponies write clop fic) write practically 20 pages on scenery, how the ponies in question look, the time , weather, etc before the two ponies kissed
think you could do that if challenged? (and no she didn't purple prose, she simply wrote out the details in excruciating detail)
Lol wow I was kinda of expecting Pinkie Pie to have a huge run on paragraph or something but this was better! Poor Twilight she should had seen most of that coming
This is the best laugh I have had in a long time. Holy crap.
2519807
How the heck did you have one to begin with?
OMG, I'm fucking dying
Totally sharing this with the IRC.
>slamming the clam
Excuse me sir, could I please have a moment of your time? I appear to have lost my shit.
This chapter was glorious. The drawings were a brilliant addition. I could totally see pinkie writing clopfiction like this. In fact I kinda want to see pinkie write more clopfiction like this...
ohh I was hopping for a Twist that out of them all Pinkie was the only one who wrote a good fic.
2519891 I somehow get the feeling that if Cadence sent her a clopfic, it would be a love story between Twilight and Shining... maybe with Cadence joining in midway through. It would be hilarious to see Twilight actually getting off to that before finally reading the end and realizing who the characters were.
This was my second favorite so far. You kept Pinkie zany without making her insane.
Rarity's will always be best. Slowly forgetting that she was writing about Platinum and Clover was the greatest "twist".
Fluttershy and AJ's might have been putting a round peg into an oval hole, close, but not the best fit. I can totally imagine Pinkie's glittery, picture filled story as well as Rarity's catharsis intended "historical fiction".
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/243/5/7/_meme__the_hay_was_that_by_tritebristle-d5d1ioh.jpg
Mother of Luna, this screwed with my brain. Moar. Next time: incredibly terrible Applejack x Granny Smith. No, Braeburn. No, wait! APPLE FAMILY REUNION ORGY! No, um... screw it, just do as you please.
>you're artistic ability
your artistic ability, and
>boy parts
should probably be "body parts." And I find myself wondering how Twilight included a moving picture of herself in her response—some sort of memory-captured illusion, perhaps? Seeing as her first comment was on the impossibility of Pinkie's cover, it seems odd to me.
Other than those small criticisms, I found this chapter to be the most straightforwardly funny chapter so far, and it was hilarious.
2520024
How about writing Twilight, but actually with a good clopfic, one that a) makes sense and b) is erotic. And she gives it to her friends to comment on it, not proofread as she has proofreaded it twice herself already.
And after the chapters done we read the five´s comments to it.
Since you´re not up for Wincest, how about a harem/herd one? ^^
Not sure. I'd say it'd be more like chocolate.
ba dum tss!
Yeah...I'll take my leave now...
2520336 I probably could. Whether I'd want to is another matter entirely.
2520989 Whoops, gotta fix that.
2521000 That's certainly possible, although it would probably take a while to put together.
Vajayay? Missing a 'j' there I think. Also, I was under the impression that punctuation nests inside the quotes when applicable regardless of context of the quotation marks. I might be wrong, been a while since I last looked at my ... crap, been so long forgot the name of the silly thing. Styles and Usage book. Eh, doesn't matter.
Also, uhm ... well, my boss doesn't have time to READ what I read at work but they might notice the pictures. Still, my fault that.
EDIT: Also, the pics are bad enough that it probably wouldn't matter that much.
You know what would be hilarious? Celestia and Luna sending Twilight their own clopfics. That would be highly entertaining.
2521000
Also this guy's idea. Definitely this guy's idea.
Sweet celestia those pictures were effing EPIC! Made everything ten times funnier lol this is my fave one so far! Loved it
2520006 Ditto
Also special mention to the author, because just when I decide to go re-read the other chapters, tis one pops out! Well played sir
Okay, so I'll be the first person here to say: "I have the strangest boner right now..."
I'm okay with that.
(No, seriously, that was kinda hot. )
I laughed so hard at this one! Bravo my dear fellow!
I certainly hope there's more
From the first chapter, I thought to myself that I hope Pinkie's fic would be saved for last, because there was no way that it could be anything other than amazing.
It did not disappoint.
You might not want to eat Cake while reading this chapter.
As the foals say, THIS.
My god. This chapter turned the story up to freaking 11. One sentence and a photo in and I was laughing out loud.
2520038
> Also, I have no idea what the hell kind of clopfic Twilight would write …
I'm a fan of the Naked Singularity theory: hilariously awkward science analogies.