Chapter 11 (Railroading)
Princesses Don't Potty
Chapter 11
By CDRW
“So, dearest Fluttershy, may I ask thee why thou hast seen fit to force”—the tall, dark, and hooded pony glanced sidelong at her companion—“um, encourage Us to board a train and embark on a journey to Canterlot, a city in which, I feel I should remind you, a fate awaits us—the two of us, you and me—that could most accurately be described as ‘fire and brimstone’?”
Fluttershy cringed down into her seat. “Um…” Her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to find a way to tell Princess Luna without upsetting or frightening her any more than she already was. “Well, that is…” Unfortunately, the carpet and upholstery offered her no answers. “No?”
Luna stared at her for a long, uncomfortable moment, then finally said, “I am unsure whether to compliment your courage or censure your audacity. Can you at least tell me that you are not planning something foolhardy, such as an attempt to trick me into entering the palace and meeting with Celestia?”
“Oh no,” Fluttershy said as emphatically as she could. “I wouldn’t do that after I promised.”
Luna nodded once. “Very well, then. I count you as a friend, and shall trust you.”
“Though, um… about that...”
Fluttershy's whole body began to quiver like a leaf caught in the wind as Luna turned to look at her again.
“I, um… I, think you should do that too, while we’re in Canterlot.”
“No. Absolutely not,” Luna said bluntly.
“I…” Fluttershy ducked her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Her heart was beating so hard that it actually hurt, and she could feel Luna’s gaze burning into her skin. She needed to say what came next, though, no matter how scared she was.
“It’s just that… Isn’t that kind of thing, um, not talking… not talking things out with each other… Isn’t that why you… why you… um… became Nightmare Moon?”
Fluttershy’s voice was scarcely a whisper by the end, but she knew that Luna had heard her. She could tell by the empty silence crashing down around them, only broken by a sound that might have been the plip of a tear falling to the floor, or their friendship shattering to pieces.
At long last, Luna spoke in a fuzzy voice that Fluttershy recognized as coming from somepony who had lots of practice trying not to cry. “That was cruel.”
Fluttershy opened her eyes and looked up at Luna, the sight blurred by tears in her eyes. The princess was looking the other way.
“I’m so sorry!” she blurted out.
“However, you are correct,” Luna continued as if she hadn’t heard. “I have only just repaired my relationship with my sister, and it would be… foolish to harm it again with something so petty as a misthought joke. I shall heed your advice and speak with Celestia after we complete this errand of yours.”
Fluttershy reached out and hugged Luna. She wasn't sure if she was allowed to hug a princess, but Luna needed one so she gave it anyway.
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Sweet and to the point. While I was certainly hoping for a longer chapter, I'll certainly not say no this little gem of a scene.
Short but sweet.
So Fluttershy talked Luna into patching things up with Celestia and undoing her little "prank". I get the feeling this is going to coincide with Twilight's visit.
Adorable, in character, and oh so sweet.
...I ship it.
5639758 Oops.
I'm still puzzled as to why Celestia doesn't take the obvious solution ("teleport Very Far From Anywhere and go in the woods/in the ocean/on the moon"). It's certainly funnier this way, but Celestia is smart enough to think of that sort of thing.
Hopefully she's also smart enough now that she suspects spiking her tea is involved to take something similar beforehand so that there's nothing left to void during their meeting.
5639765 It's because teleports are traceable, for quite a while after the fact too.
While the humor is great in this, the character development you slip in is what really gives the story its staying power.
Also, you're making me root for serious Luna/Fluttershy in a story about Celestia having to avoid using the bathroom. I don't even know what dark wizardry was involved in that accomplishment.
5639770
Would invisibility also be problematic (tripping defensive wards flying away while invisible)?
...It also occurs to me that Twilight could infer the need to potty from the presence of a toilet in Celestia's private chambers. Celestia presumably didn't think of that when stressing over the possibility of monitoring spells on it. She could lock (and conceal) that door during the visit, but Twilight might then wonder where she bathes (and would notice the absence of a door she'd seen during prior visits). You might go with the "Twilight has never been inside Celestia's chambers and so wouldn't be there on this visit" angle, but if Celestia was worried about her toilet being laced with spells, that implies that Twilight does have access.
I'm still enjoying the story, and I was very happy to see the update! I'm just not entirely certain the premise holds together, is all
.
This has got to be the most advanced instance of toilet humor in the world.
Wonderful.
I'd say this was a scene that deserved its own chapter. This is a big moment for both of these ponies, and well-executed on your part.
Boy, chapter 4 takes place really late in this story
5640582 Son-of-a— I changed that! What in Celestia's name is going on here?
5640925 No! I am faultless!
TOOO SHOOOOOORRRRRT! I WANT MORE!
5640028
Actually, just because she saw the bedroom, doesn't mean she saw the bathroom. If a Celestial Goddesses personal abode is anything like a Presidential Suite, or any high end condos (since we see Celestia has her own personal library / study, with numerous book shelves), then it's highly possible to have the place set up so that the bathroom isn't readibly seen, or found just by walking in there.
Since it'd most likely hold multiple interconnected rooms that are technically hers / her room. Thus if Twilight ever needed to go to the bathroom, coud have said that she never goes, or that her room doesn't have a toilet. And sent her to a bathroom located elsewhere. Or possibly had a minor rule about going to the bathroom before entering her chambers. Further preventing Twilight from going to her personal bathroom. She could even, easily have said that it's enchanted so only an Alicorn can enter. A short magic scan would show that there are indeed tons of enchantments on there. So as long as she didn't look to carefully the excuse would hold. And Twilight trusts Celestia.
.......That was a 10-second chapter.
It was a very good 10-second chapter, mind, but...
it was still so very, very short.
.....Most tantalizing.
Most excellent.
5641332
You've got to watch out for those fenceposts...
5640925
The nobles have immediate personal incentive to be selfish, due to having personal power (abusing that power benefits them). The kitchen staff, by contrast, don't gain anything from being selfish.
People tend to do what benefits them (and tend to convince themselves that it's the right thing to do when doing so). I'm not convinced that Celestia would be able to stop that very easily (there have been realpolitik fics written about her trying).
Fortunately, this isn't a realpolitik fic. This is a humour fic with occasional WAFF
.
5641493
And that's why typecasting all nobles as selfish is generally a bad thing. Even in such a situation, there are always some people who are happiest when being truly kind and generous.
The other side of "maybe the problem lies with the princesses" is "why do so few authors have nobles practicing what Celestia preaches?" As revered as Celestia is, you'd think there would be a sizeable contingent of nobles who try to emulate her. The common folk certainly do.
5642641
I'd thought the third prank was Luna spiking Celestia's tea supply with something similar to what Twilight's using. That would mean that during Twilight's meeting with her, Celestia would swap the tea back with her usual blend to counter Twilight's plot but still end up drinking a diuretic. Plots collide, hilarity ensues, and Luna ends up hiding under Fluttershy's bed.
5642022
And in any fic that's aiming for a more real-world portrayal of politics, those people are the exception. Fancy Pants is usually picked for that role, in such fics.
Remember, "selfish" doesn't mean "evil", any more than our politicians are evil. The deeper someone goes, the more convinced they are that they're doing what's _right_.
"Rites of Ascension" did a great job of illustrating this. We're rooting for the princesses' team, but the author did a good job of showing _why_ each of the other factions acts the way they do. They all strongly believe that their cause is the one that's right and/or necessary, and in most cases (including the princesses) the cause they believe in just so happens to be the one that most benefits them as well.
Why is portraying realistic politics a bad thing? It's another sub-genre like any other.
There are plenty of fics that go the other direction, portraying most ponies as decent with only a few bad apples. Blueblood usually gets to be the bad apple, in that scenario. "Earth and Sky" is a great fic in that genre.
Because that makes a boring story. It's also less credible to believe that all ponies can resist the viewpoint-warping that power causes than to believe that the immortal pony sun-goddess alone can.
For practical purposes, the princesses are aliens - they think differently enough that "power corrupts" doesn't apply to them in most non-dark fics. Having ponies as a whole be incorruptible is a much bigger proposition, that generally only happens in light-and-soft fics.
Do they? Twilight is the only one in-show who's actively using the princess as a role model. Everyone seems to be trying to pursue their own dreams as best they can.
Part of me wants to see Celestia hold it until winter. Then the pressure finally gets to her, and she says "Twilight, would you like to see me write my name in the snow?"
5640028
5641165
The presence of a toilet in Celestia's bathroom doesn't prove anything. It could, in fact, be specifically for guests. Twilight is almost certainly not the only one to spend time in Celestia's room over the centuries, and if she were having tea with Starswirl the Bearded, she's the type that would prefer to have a bathroom there for him to use rather than make him walk down the hall to a public restroom. If she has servants come in to clean, it's probably for their benefit as well. :twilightlecture: <-KWRNTE (Knighty, we really need this emoticon!)
5643605
You mean when mutual diuretics mean they both have to go at once with great urgency? Because that would be hilarious.
5644699
That's true also.
5639770
5639765
Or she could come up with a way to teleport the pee directly out of her bladder and into a far away place. That way, she would not actually leave the palace and no one would suspect anything. It could be called teleurinating, and she could do it right in front of Twilights face and never be noticed.
Yay chapter woo.
Feel my enthusiasm as it oozes onto your story.
Thank you, Re-writable.
Oh, cute content too.
Yay, more potty fic!
I've just got a few error I found.
*crashing
--Sollace
I just reread this story and it's amusing as always.
Sigh, I come to this story late, and it is incomplete. This makes me sad, as I now desperately want to know if Celestia ends up peeing.
6386873
Uhuh. Care to put your money where your mouth is and quote the parts of the story where it says what you claim?
6386903
How much are you willing to pay me? If you really do want to make it a bet were I put my money were my mouth is
.
I'd like to see this continue! And I'd love some LunaShy!
Ded fic press "F" to pay respects:
F
7427097 I´m sure itĺl return one day
How could you leave us at this time! Noooo...
F
I really do need more of this. It's brilliant!
Several years later. It's still a great story and I really REALLY wish that the author hadn't dropped it and would come back and finish it. This story is a classic. It doesn't deserve to just sit here in this.. unfinished state. It really deserves a proper ending. Sadly, though, it looks like this writer has lost complete interest in MLP and left the fandom and left all his/her stories unfinished. It's such a shame because these stories were so good and the writing was so entertaining to read. They're definitely a HUGE cut above the huge piles of drivel we get now.
Will this ever be continued?
9098828
Hope dies last, they say.
When will this be continued? Waiting Eagerly For The Return!
I would love to give Princess Luna a hug . And maybe a kiss ?
Teh end
Aaaaaaaaah! Now I'll never know if Twilight's plan works and what Celestia's counter-plan was!
11134435
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No, and not pee or poo ever again