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  • E A Cup of Joe

    Our Pony Joe runs his doughnut shop, chats with his regulars...and lives in the shadow of a memory.
    17,431 words · 6,425 views  ·  787  ·  8
  • T The Railway Ponies: Highball

    Steel doesn’t worry about a colt’s well-being. Railroad cars don’t have much concern for the bodies of ponies. But, despite the dangers, I wanted to be a railway pony. I wanted to be like Highball.
    24,440 words · 868 views  ·  186  ·  0
  • E The Living is Easy

    As she prepares to lift the sun during the Summer Sun Celebration Celestia has a happy vision...
    5,904 words · 2,521 views  ·  180  ·  0
  • E The Song of Syhlex

    Last sung ages ago was the Song of Syhlex, of the dragon lord and the mare who rose to stop him...
    6,439 words · 13,060 views  ·  788  ·  9
  • T A Sweet Taste of Cake

    As they make a gingerbread house the Cakes reflect on their struggles, their lives, and their love.
    108,789 words · 3,543 views  ·  319  ·  2 · sex
  • T Shine

    Why was this filly, this Rainbow Dash, wasting her Celestia-given gifts? Would the letters tell me?
    8,113 words · 11,996 views  ·  849  ·  12
  • T The Father of My Children

    Cup Cake knows what the pegasus mare is doing. She can see the mare swaying, hear the flirty tones in the perfect voice as the mare sings her siren song to Carrot...
    13,429 words · 6,884 views  ·  679  ·  9 · sex
  • E Our Gifts

    You know that feeling? You know, the feeling that you've forgotten something important? It is 10:32 p.m. on Hearth's Warming Eve, and Twilight just got that feeling...
    12,194 words · 5,045 views  ·  673  ·  9

Blog Posts112

  • 3w, 21h
    I Don't Know What to Thank People for Anymore!

    Dear Loyal Watchers, Interested Visitors, and Confused Passersby,

    Most of you know of my obsessive need to thank folks for Faving my stories, or for Watching me, or to reply to comments and the like... but now I have a real problem. To whit to whim: Do I thank people for placing my stories in their bookshelves?!

    I had forty-three replies when I logged in tonight, and all but three of them were from people adding my stuff to their newfangled bookshelves! The problem is that I know that some of them are people who already Faved my stories, but others I don't know about and even though I really like the creative titles people are giving their bookshelves it gets hard for me to decide who is a new person who is using the bookshelves as a Faving system and who are people who are my old readers who are just trying to keep things neat and who is kinda in the middle and that makes it hard for me to thank people for investing in my works which is something that I really like to do and now I'm all confused and it's late and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything in the fandom today and I'm confused, scared, and a little gassy and I really, really, really, really, really, just want a little direction from you all because you know your opinion is important to me and I feel valdiated by it and I crave human interaction and a pony and for your input because you all know i love ou but not like that and I just need to go to slep and everything is turnning blue and oh gawd I can't breathe now what arg

    75 comments · 557 views
  • 7w, 23h
    Very Much Appreciated

    37 comments · 530 views
  • 9w, 1d
    Security Blanket

    Dear Loyal Watchers, Interested Visitors, and Confused Passersby:


    Midnight Rambler has posted a blog in which he makes a metaphor of my body of work. It is, in fact, the first time that I can recall that anyone in this fandom has done a retrospective on my whole body of work and attempted to make a larger statement about it. He certainly has my thanks for taking the time to put his feelings on my portfolio into such a concise—even enjoyable—allegory.

    Everything being equal, which nothing truly is, he draws a conclusion which was apt, well developed, and not entirely complimentary.

    I'm very interested in seeing what you all feel about his observations. If you have some free time, please click the link above and peruse Ramb's blog. I'd especially like to know if his conclusion has any bearing on the lack of success of my last few works.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be huddled under my blanket.


    Stay Awesome,

    -T.D.

    84 comments · 812 views
  • 24w, 5d
    "Ticks" Me Off

    Dear Loyal Watchers, Interested Visitors, and Confused Passersby:


    It's not quite four in the morning here on the U.S. Eastern Seaboard, but I've been up for about three hours and don't see myself getting back to sleep any time soon. The reason for that is because of a series of night terrors that forced me screaming from my bed as I kept dreaming about tiny, horrific creatures crawling the length of my body–making their way across, and under, my skin. This undoubtedly stems from some childhood trauma.

    That, undoubtedly, requires some explanation. Whereas you are much cheaper than a professional psychologist, you have all been designated to hear me out. Sorry about that (but not really).

    I usually check-in with my fan sites once a day, but I was absent over the last two because I spent the first night flailing like a ninny and screaming as I ran around in tight circles in my bathroom. The reason for that was because I had begun to mow my lawn for the first time this year on Thursday night. The first mowing is always a laborious process because it involves me stopping every five feet to pick up sticks, garbage, rocks, and wayward Christmas decorations that have spread themselves across my yard during the winter months.

    My house is too big for my needs. I have an acre of land, and between work and my social responsibilities I don't take care of it nearly as well as I should. It's too much for one single guy to take care of. My fence is collapsing and if I was my neighbor I would have sued me long ago. It's not getting any easier as what was once a country road gentrifies and huge houses spring up around me, leaving me feeling as inadequate as a homeowner as my last girlfriend made me feel as a lover.

    Wow, this blog is going all over the place. Did I mention it is four in the morning?

    Anywho, the reason I mention my yard is because during this first mowing —which I accomplish with a push mower because I can't afford a riding one—I somehow managed to get a passenger. Yes, at some point I must have brushed up against long grasses, the ample leaf litter in my yard, or a tree branch. At that moment an arachnid decided that I was "dinner."

    I got a deer tick.

    Cue me getting ready for bed only to go running around my bathroom screaming like a ninny upon the discovery of said tick. It had burrowed its way into my leg, and I wasn't exactly thrilled to say the least. Now, what I was supposed to do was take a breath, get out the tweezers that were less than a foot away in the medicine cabinet, and carefully remove him from my body by grasping him at his head.

    What I did was scream like a ninny (as previously reported) and scrape the tick out with my fingers while cursing him in all of the languages of man, God, and science fiction.

    I've never been good with ticks. In fact, I'm horrified of them. This stems from having a good friend of mine get bitten by one when I was in the Boy Scouts. This was back when Lyme Disease wasn't well-known yet and was just starting to become a media sensation. He developed the "bullseye rash," and within three months had developed a facial palsy. His family actually moved away to be near a hospital in Boston that specialized in such things. Sad to say, I never saw him again. That was pretty traumatizing.

    My fear of ticks has been pretty much a part of my life ever since. The first time I ever got bit by one was when I was in Gettysburg. It was during one of my vacation weeks where I spent the week in the village between two living history demonstrations for the park service. The discovery of a wood tick (a massive bastard compared to deer ticks) sent me running from my hotel clear across the village to the hospital. There I was prescribed antibiotics. Being as I am an idiot I didn't read the directions. I drove down to Manassas, Virginia the next day to visit Bull Run Battlefield. I spent the day walking in the sun... which was exactly what I was'nt supposed to do.

    On my way back to Gettysburg I found giant red welts starting to appear on my body, each of which felt as hot and broiling as Satan's spit. I nearly set a land-speed record in my Subaru as I raced through Gettysburg Battlefield. Unfortunately, a park policeman took exception, leading to what must be the greatest excuse ever given to a officer who had pulled someone over for speeding: "I'm sorry officer, but I'm on drugs and I think I'm on fire."

    All of this could have been avoided, as in my research afterwards I discovered that most doctors consider the antibiotics given after a tick bite to be "essentially useless."

    Wonderful.

    So, here I am, three years later, and my fear of ticks still plays a part in my life. Last summer I was in Gettysburg again for the 150th anniversary of the battle when I stupidly decided to walk across the fields near the Bushman Farm where the I represent unit fought in an effort to get down there to speak to the people who had gathered. The end result was getting covered with a dozen of the tiny bastards and my speech to the crowd going something like "AAAgggHHHhhhHHH! Get them off me! Get them off me! Aggaaahhh! God, please! Agggahh!"

    Noted fandom author and my personal friend Zaptiftun can verify that it plays a pertinent, and annoying, part of my outdoor life. The personalized tour of Gettysburg that I gave him pretty much went along these lines: "This is where General Reynolds was shot at about 10:15a.m. Check yourself for ticks. This is The Railway Cut where Confederates were caught in a horrible crossfire. Check yourself for ticks. This is Little Round Top where the 20th Maine fought. Check yourself for ticks. This is The Avenue Restaurant with good, cheap food. Check yourself for ticks."

    So far in my life, ticks had been something foreign, encountered only when I was out Civil War Re-enacting, hiking in the mountains, or exploring historic sites. Thursday, that changed. Now my own oversized yard has been invaded. My fence line harbors horrors. My maple trees are hiding assassins. I think that this, more than anything, is what lead to the nightmares that woke me this morning. I went to my local clinic Friday when I got out of work, and they essentially repeated that I could get $300 worth of drugs, but it would largely be useless. All I can really do is wait and see if I get sick and go from there.

    That's where the nightmares came from, the feeling of helpless waiting. The arachnids that crawled across, and under, my skin in my nightmare are a response to my own sense of unease and unknowing. Like the dream I had earlier this year after I put my cat down... the one where giant purple berries were erupting from my skin, body-horror imagery tells me that my mind is working through things over which I have no control.

    And, more frequently, I feel like I have less and less control. Especially over ticks.

    So, it's nearly four in the morning now. I'm sure that this blog is full of horrific grammar, but I hope you'll excuse that. All I have left to do now is wait and see if I get sick, if I get the "bullseye rash", or if I have pain in my joints, especially the neck. The waiting is the hardest part. I hate it.

    Anywho, it is Saturday, my volunteering day. I have to be awake again in four hours so I can get to my volunteer position. As you are all watching the season finale I'll be leading my church kids in cleaning the yards of shut-ins. Yup, going back out into the tall grasses and weeds...

    ... I bet you can imagine how much I'm looking forward to that.


    Stay Awesome,

    -T.D.

    101 comments · 947 views
  • 28w, 4d
    Bookplayer's Head Canon/Personal Fanon Questionnaire Report Inventory Thingy

    Dear Loyal Watchers, Interested Visitors, and Confused Passersby:


    So, Bookplayer is obviously a very clever individual. Rather than dive into a long, exasperating blog post where the readers are subjected to one author’s interpretation of their “personal fanons,” Bookplayer has done something very smart. Namely, the blog in question asked people to talk about the one thing that everyone loves doing–talking about themselves.

    Clever, very clever.

    Bookplayer asked the following fifty questions of the fandom at large and us authors in particular. The questions themselves circulate and swirl about some of the most pressing questions that we’ve had to ask ourselves about the show, and many take quite a bit of thought.

    Being as we are fans of–and are writing for–an evolving canon, we can see all of our thoughts go up in smoke in an instant. As the poets said: “All we are is dust in the wind.”

    Yes, I consider the lyrics of Kansas songs to be poetry. Sue me.

    So, then, here we are a fandom in the third-and-a-half year of our age, still pondering these inconsequentialities.

    And what is your dear T.D. if not inconsequential?

    With fandom luminaries like Bradel Bound, stalwart pillars of our fandom like RBDash47, and old friends like Lurks-no-More all taking swings at the questions, I figured “Hey, why not?” Here then are my answers to Bookplayer’s inquiry. Everything in the following should be proceeded by the metaphorical preface of “In My Humble Opinion.” It happens frequently that people say that the glimpses they get of the head canon in my stories either add to the work or make it so confusing as to draw them out of it. My personal fanon is very detailed, but like anything so specialized it is not rugged, and the show frequently makes me discard or rework my ideas. I’ve had to cut large chunks of it off like a gangrenous limb. Still, a lot of it survives, and I hope that my thoughts give you some ideas to ponder…

    …or ammunition to use against me. Either way, enjoy.


    The Princesses:

    1. How old are Celestia and Luna?

    Tia and Luna are a few thousand years old. Maybe 4-5K. As far as I’m concerned, when the three basic races came over the mountains they strayed into a land of immortals, already inhabited by alicorns, witches, draconequi, and all sorts of mythological beings. The realm that today is called Equestria is older than the unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies. Children grew up there, including two who have seen millennia fly across it.

    2. How old is Cadance?

    No more than ten or so years older than Twilight. She was her foalsitter, not her nanny or matron. She had other things going on in her life, and becoming a princess requires more than just the wings and horn, just as Twilight found out.


    3. Were Celestia and Luna always alicorns, or did they ascend?

    Tia and Loo were always alicorns.


    4. Are Cadance and Twilight immortal?

    Not at the moment. I’d like to think that there would be a tipping-point moment where they would have to choose. Realistically, in a cartoon designed for nine-year-old girls, I don’t think we’ll see it. If it did, though, I’d like to see Cadance choose a mortal life to stay with Shining and join him in the Well of Souls. I’d Twilight like to see choose immortality.

    Some might remember that I originally had Cadance as a self-reincarnating embodiment of all the forms of love, endlessly going through cycles where she was experiencing familial, romantic, and motherly love over and over by “finding” Shining again and again. Duplex Fields was the first to suggest that, and I ran with it. I don’t think I can shoehorn that in anymore, but it’s nice to think about.


    5. Have there been other alicorns in the past?

    Yes. Celestia and Luna were the only two naturally born alicorn foals of their mother and father. So that their children would not be alone, their parents summoned the help of the draconequi and the witches to create other alicorns. These were seven, but all since have gone into the Heart of the Mountain to buy Tia and Luna time…

    Celestia and Luna are the survivors, not the victors.


    6. How much authority do Celestia and Luna have in Equestria?

    Celestia has as much authority as she chooses to wield. But, as of late (the last few centuries or so) she has been trying to put more and more power into the hooves of her little ponies. As far as I’m concerned, Fancypants is prime minister. He’s the most important unicorn in Canterlot, and Canterlot is the high capital of the pony realms… so, yeah.

    Luna is having difficulty adapting after her return. She agreed with Tia that her re-integration would take time, and as such she has slowly been taking on duties. I think Luna isn’t as confident as she presents herself to be, hence why she spends so much time looking in on the crusaders… she feels safe helping them with their little concerns before she moves on to the “big stuff” again.


    7. Does Shining Armor rule The Crystal Empire along side of Cadance?

    Maybe he exercises some authority over the Crystal Guard on his merits, but he’s no princess. Just like any prince consort, his job at the moment is to get Cadance knocked up. I know that sounds really bleak, but at least they have the advantage of genuinely loving one another and of having had a long, caring relationship before this began. Not sold? Think of it this way… the Princess Skyla toy has to be somepony’s foal, and if she isn’t Cadance and Shining’s then she’s going to be Twilight and Flash Sentry’s.

    Pick your poison.


    8. Other than Twilight, Luna, and Cadance, what relationships have been important to Celestia in her lifetime (students, close friends, lovers, family)?

    Celestia has watched the great tides of life that we call generations wash up and down the shores of her existence over and over and over. To her, they are all children, and a wizened old pony is no different than the foal that he was when she last blinked her eyes. Oh, she rejoices in them as they grown and gain their marks, and many, many, many have been her friends…

    … but she never gets to keep any of them. She lives in a world of rain and sugar. They are all children who grow too fast. And, if she sees them all as children, her children, her little ponies, then what kind of mother would bed one of her own sons and daughters?

    No, Celestia has had no biological children of her own, and has never had a pony as a lover.

    Emphasis on pony.


    Ponies and Equestrian Culture:

    9. Are there still cultural differences between earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, or is the culture homogeneous by the time shown in canon? Are there cultural stereotypes (positive or negative)?

    There are still cultural differences, but they are as mutually conglomerated as in the United States. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, after all. The fact that the unicorns and pegasi participate in Winter Wrap-Up lends this thought some credence.

    No, bigotry and racism are as dead in the minds of ponies as the belief in the miasmic theory of disease. Momentary fear brought on by unfamiliarity, perhaps, but nothing endemic.


    10. Are there foods or items native to Cloudsdale that are uncommon on the ground? Are there foods or items on the ground that are uncommon in Cloudsdale?

    Cloudsdale has an entirely import-based consumer market. It has the ultimate high ground in trade, though, as you kind of need rain for anything to grow.


    11. Can all unicorns learn all spells, given the time and effort spent practicing them, or is magical talent usually limited in some way?

    To use a role-playing analogy, it’s easier to take levels inside your class than outside it. With time and effort, perhaps they could pick up other spells, but they are naturally inclined towards those that suit their mark.


    12. Earth pony magic: Does it exist? What is it?

    Most certainly! Unlike the unicorns who wrap themselves in the currents of their magic, or the pegasi who channel it into nature, the earth ponies have a quiet, inner magic that roots them to the world and to their mark. I go over this a lot in Tangled Up in Blues and A Sweet Taste of Cake.


    13. Some pony families we’ve seen seem to have naming conventions (the Apples, Twilight’s family) and others don’t appear to (Rarity’s family, Pinkie’s family), which is more common? Are there reasons for one or the other?

    Have we seen any of Twilight’s biological family get canon names apart from Shining Armor? Did I miss that? Anywho, I think that some families spend more time connected to certain aspects of their marks than others, so similar names come with that. I think it’s more common for earth ponies than other races. It all comes down to how families learn what their foals mark is going to be, and nobody seems to have an answer for that, canon or not.


    14. How much formal schooling is an average, middle class pony expected to complete?

    This is where the fandom and I go in very, very separate ways. I don’t see Equestria as working in our contemporary education system at all. As my occupation is one of the many cogs in that system, I can’t see a 1:1 comparison. Just think about where they go to school: a stereotypical little red schoolhouse. In the 19th century where those were common, most kids didn’t complete ninth grade before going out into the world.

    Furthermore, we only know that Twilight attended Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. The whole Canterlot University thing is fanon, unless I’m mistaken. Pinkie Pie is an apprentice, and Rarity very well may have been too.

    So, to answer the question, as much as they need.


    15. What’s the average lifespan for a pony? At what age is a pony expected to be independent of their parents?

    I’m jubilant that As the Sweetie Belle Toils showed us that the ponies actually get to have childhoods. The idea that they actually aged like horses was horribly depressing. Only one birthday party, only one Hearth’s Warming, before being thrown into the harsh adult world? You’d better hope that it isn’t raining or snowing on your Nightmare Night or you’re screwed. Have your first foal at three, dead at thirty-two. No thank you. Comparable aging to contemporary humans, please.


    16. Are there roughly an equal number of male and female ponies?

    Yes. While the series started off with most crowd scenes being female, this was just because little girls would presumably respond more to pretty ponies. The series has been better and better at showing an equitable number of male ponies. Don’t forget, there are a roughly equal number of stallions to females in wild horses, too. It’s just that only the biggest and strongest stallions that get to form “breeding herds” while the rest spend their time in pathetic “bachelor herds.” I’m not a fan of such concepts making their way into stories.

    In my mind, the absence of an equal ration is explained by a large percentage of the eligible male population being off serving in the Equestrian armed forces. This is explains why it is mostly older stallions and… well, “unfit for service” stallions that we see in the show. There’s a price to pay for having an idyllic peace in Equestria, and most young stallions serve to make sure that it stays that way.


    17. How informed are most ponies about things that happen in other parts of Equestria? What about other parts of the world?

    There are ample resources such as newspapers and other mediums for the spread of information. I put it at an early 20th century level of communications, kind of like before television. That being said, despite having the whole of Equestria and the world at their hooves, most only concern themselves with local rumors and celebrity scuttlebutt. This is, depressingly, very much like our own society.


    The Main Characters:

    18. How old are the Mane Six? Spike? The CMC?

    The biggest difference between the way that I see the series and the way that 98.75% of the rest of the fandom sees the series can be found right here. I find it hilarious how, when the series started, most Bronies were in college or late high school, and the fandom consensus for their ages was at that level. Now, four years later, you guys are all out in The Real World and you’ve taken your waifus along with you. I’ve observed the “fanon creep” of their ages go steadily upwards so that most now seem to think they are in their mid twenties.

    While most Bronies are moving along with their lives, I am forever trapped in the world of pre-teens and adolescents. My employment and volunteer positions have long left me dealing with the ephemera and impedimenta of teenagers, and I see far, far, far too much of that world reflected in the principal pony cast to ever see them as fully grown adults. The way they act, the way they move, the word choices that they make… yeah, I can’t see them as that old.

    Their occupations don’t change my opinion on that, either. Rarity and Pinkie are either at the end of or have completed their apprenticeships. A.J. works on a farm, which is the reason summer vacations came about, after all. I don’t even know if Fluttershy has a job. Dash won the Best Young Fliers Competition. Twilight’s being a student helped my case, and her becoming a princess doesn’t hurt it. Victoria became queen when she was eighteen, after all.

    So, that’s why I don’t read many shipping stories and write even less with the mane pony cast. I’ve spent the last three-and-a-half years in this fandom adrift in waves of shipping stories that all unknowingly and unintentionally stink of ephebophilia.

    Spike’s age is something that I struggle with, too. Miss Faust said she designed him to be eight, but that simply doesn’t work at all. I’ve spent my life working with kids, and I can see Spike being deep into Piaget’s “concrete constructive” level of childhood development, especially with how he had developed his own moral code and is seeking the approval of others rather than assuming it.

    The best guess I have is that Twilight was trying to get into magical kindergarten at Celestia’s school when she hatched him, so it’s whatever the difference was. She looked older then five-year-olds we saw, but younger than the C.M.C. at that scene, so… yeah. I put Spike at late pre-teen, a boy of about twelve or so. Whatever his chronological age, he shows a maturity above and beyond it at times, as well as crushing lows where he seems to need a cuddle like a hatchling would.

    I’d always thought that the C.M.C. were a little younger than Spike chronologically, but the comic shows them as foals when he’s an egg. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t like how they go from being bigger than him to smaller in the show, sometimes within a few scenes. Mentally and emotionally, they are younger, so until I’m told otherwise by canon they are chronologically younger in my personal fanon as well; they’re late childhood to early pre-teen at best.

    So, basically, the series doesn't fix their ages, and I don't either, but I do see the older ones as younger than most fans do.


    19. Did Fluttershy remain on the ground after getting her cutie mark? Were she and Rainbow Dash friends all along, or did they drift apart for a while?

    I’ll admit that I haven’t given this question that much thought, therefore I don’t have a personal fanon explanation for it. My best guess would be that she was like Thoreau when he was at Walden Pond. He spent the week there, but he went home on weekends.  


    20. Rarity and Applejack both seem to have grown up in Ponyville. What were their interactions like before the show?

    Scarce and but cordial.


    21. What do Twilight and Spike consider their relationship to be?

    Oh God.

    If you don’t know my opinion about the only thing about the show that I really care about anymore, the relationship between these two, then you haven’t been paying attention to my inane ramblings over the last four years at all.

    Rather than write eighteen pages, I’ll just truck out "T.D.’s Mantra":

    Sister and brother? Mother and son? Best friends? Boss and assistant? None of these easy terms fully define them. All fall short, and none feel perfect. In the end, whatever they are to one another, it is based on love, trust, devotion, and shared experiences over the course of their lives together. Whatever they are to one another, she’s his big one, and he’s her little one.


    22. When did Pinkie move in with the Cakes? Is she a worker who rents a room, an apprentice, or is there some other relationship?

    This was the crux of the final two acts of A Sweet Taste of Cake. Pinkie is an apprentice, and she came to work with the Cakes because her father needed to find some way for her to explore her mark. Through a series of interpersonal connections, she found her way to Sugar Cube Corner.

    She came at the right time, as the childless Cakes had a lot of love to share and the patience to deal with the ball of energy they had indentured. They love her and worry about her, and she’s practically family to the Baby Cakes.


    23. Who among the Mane Six had the best parents growing up? The worst parents?

    Heh, Twilight’s parents seemed to have done something right, didn’t they?

    Dash’s dad was a great guy. Her mom? Not so much.


    24. Why didn’t the CMC hang out more/know each other before Call of the Cutie?

    Before the episode they didn’t know about their mutual worries about their lack of cutie marks. Once they had a common issue to share, the rest of their friendships fell into place.


    25. Is Scootaloo an orphan? Will she ever be able to fly?

    No. Yes.


    26. Will Apple Bloom’s cutie mark involve an apple in some way, even if it’s unrelated to farming or baking?

    Most likely. It doesn’t affect my understanding of her as a character, so I haven’t thought about it much.


    27. How is Sweetie Belle’s relationship with their parents different than Rarity’s was?

    Typical younger child syndrome, especially since there’s a massive age difference between them. She’s adored and pampered. Rarity is embarrassed by her parents–though she does love them–and distanced herself from them at a young age.


    Side and Background Characters:

    28. Is Mr. Cake the father of the Cake twins or not?

    Yes. Entirely. Absolutely. I become violently ill every time it is suggested otherwise.

    “Biomagical Conception” is a concept I advanced in A Sweet Taste of Cake. Like humans, ponies are equal parts physical, mental, and spiritual. They also have another dimension–the magical. It’s a part of each pony, and they wear their magic as their mark. Magic needs to be allowed to find its own way.

    The magic knew when the time was right. Two earth ponies needed to be tested first, and they needed to face challenges. The world needed a little unicorn and a little pegasus who grew up in the love of those two earth ponies. It made them wait, and the results were unusual, but their conceptions were entirely in keeping with the sacred bonding of their parents’ physical love and intimacy.


    29. Are Big Mac and Cheerilee an item, romantically?

    No, but they aren’t opposed to the idea, either.


    30. How did Prince Blueblood get his title?

    He is the current inheritor of the House of Unicorn, the royalty of the unicorns.

    As the races intermingled after arriving in Equestria, their social structures began to merge. The military took on pegasus traditions, and the shires, towns, counties, and pastures took on earth pony administrational constructs. Not wanting to completely lose their individual identities, the leadership of the individual races adopted unicorn-styled limited monarchies. Over time, these disappeared into the responsibilities of Celestia and Luna, leaving them in name only, existing as ceremonial titles with some limited powers, like that of Great Britain.

    This also explains why he’s Celestia’s “nephew.” The alicorns guided the races after they arrived, and she began to look on all ponies as her children. Only those she trusted to protect them became “nieces” and “nephews.”


    31. Is Silver Spoon equally as bad as Diamond Tiara?

    Yes, but unlike Diamond, Silver has redemptive moments.


    32. Is Zecora’s magic common among zebras?

    It’s about as common among zebras as it is to unicorns among ponies.


    33. Why does Daring Do publish her stories as fiction?

    In case she ever wants to write one about something that she could have done, wished to do, and wish she hadn’t done. That way, she’s not lying if she never claimed it was true in the first place.


    34. Do you have a strong headcanon for any non-speaking or one line background ponies that you want to share?

    Yes. They’re called A Cup of Joe, Tangled Up in Blues, A Sweet Taste of Cake, and The Father of My Children. Please read them at your earliest convenience.


    Other Species:

    35. Does Equestria differentiate between speaking and non-speaking species, in terms of respect, rights and legal responsibilities? Is there some other line or scale used? (For example, how are cows classified? Diamond Dogs? A chimera?)

    If it speaks, it votes.


    36. Do other speaking species form their own nations, or are all nations largely integrated, with some having larger populations of a species than others?

    Equestria is almost certainly only one country in a larger world. Beyond its borders there are many nations, most of which are based around sole-species homogeny. Some are more open about integration than others, and some are more closed.


    37. Are minotaurs related to cows at all?

    Umm… I have no idea. No?


    38. Do all zebras rhyme?

    Lurks-no-More began calling zebras with Zecora’s lifestyle “The Sent” at one point, but I don’t recall him following up on why. To me, Zecora is an earth priestess, and her rhyming meter is the mark of her status. It makes her think about her words, making sure she is not too hasty and chooses her words carefully.


    39. Do zebra cutie marks work the same way as pony cutie marks?

    Yes, but if you need to know zebra symbology to understand them. Think about it this way: If you’d never seen a balloon before, would you know what Pinkie’s mark stands for? It just takes a little research, and before long we’ll all realize that her mark is for preventing the attacks of ancient demons, that’s all!


    40. Do any species have types of magic, other than ponies and zebras?

    Yes–most definitely yes. The draconequi for one, of course. There are some species with powers even greater than that.

    41. Is the lack of buffalo presence in Equestria cultural, or simply because most pony towns aren’t built to accommodate a full grown buffalo?

    Forgive me for being a downer here, but it seems that Equestria came to the buffalo tribes, not the other way around. Appleloosa was built on buffalo tribal ritual ground and was only a year old at the time of the episode. This is depressingly like our own history. I’m not saying it was planned that way. There’s no smallpox blankets being given away by the ponies here; their douchebaggery was purely unintentional. The buffalo nations are happy living as they are, and have no need or want to move into Equestrian cities.


    Headcanon and You:

    42. Do you consider official sources other than the show (comics, card game text, movies, novels, etc.) to be canon?

    I consider them guideposts, but anything that happens in the show that contradicts the “secondary canon” takes precedence.


    43. Do you have one head canon that you always use, or do you switch depending on projects?

    The overwhelming majority of my stories take place firmly rooted in my own personal fanon, one that I try to keep compatible with canon as much as possible. The only story that does not belong to my over-arching fanon is Immature. I am lucky that I’ve worked with people whose fanons easily fit with mine, like with Lysok on Zenith. If I were to work with someone else on one of their projects I’d happily use their fanon. They’d have to keep me abridged of it, though!


    44. Can you easily accept the headcanons of different writers? Do you prefer when stories match your headcanon?

    Since nobody else has a head canon that is very much like mine I pretty much have to accept others. I swallow some people’s interpretation better than I do some that I've read, but I’d like to think I give everyone a fair shake.


    45. Is there a part of your headcanon that you wish was more popular among writers?

    My personal fanon is too over-reaching to even hope that others understand it, let alone use it. I’m very lucky to have interested as many people in it as I have, and I hope I don’t disappoint them.


    46. Is there a popular piece of headcanon that other writers use that you dislike?

    I’ve never been a fan of the Alternate Celestia Character Interpretations.

    I’m not a fan of anything that suggests infidelity on the part of Misses Cake.

    I guess I don’t understand why people try to make these characters into animals. They don’t act like animals in the series. They don’t eat, sleep, or interact or have family structures like real horses. They don’t even look like real horses, really. So, I guess I’ve always seen that as a square peg trying to be forced into a round hole situation.

    A subset of that is the “Ponies in Heat” trope that I abhor. Oh God, I hate it. I hate it so much.


    47. Have you ever written a story or blog post just to explain some part of your head canon (other than this one)?

    Yes. I’m sorry to all of you who suffered through reading them.


    48. Does your head canon influence things like your favorite pony, ship, or episode?

    My head canon and my adoration of Spike and Twilight’s relationship feed off of one another.


    49. Would it bother you if the show proved part of your head canon wrong? Any specific piece that would really bother you to lose?

    Every episode has shattered some small shard of my head canon, but opens it up in other ways. It’s a long, hard trek through a land of small victories and crushing defeats.

    If Twilight did anything that made me believe that she had stopped loving Spike, I’d quit the fandom.


    50. Is there something that wasn't asked about here, but you feel like you need to explain to everyone?

    In the words of Duplex Fields, the pegasi have a “Trial by Ordeal” once a decade to determine who their commander will be. It is purely symbolic these days, but it is a tradition they keep. Any winged pony can fight in the trial, and all you need do is enter the ring and begin fighting. Every decade, seemingly forever, a white-coated mare with a pink mane, no bigger than any other pegasus, has entered the fray.

    Every decade, for as long as anyone can remember, she had left it victorious, even if splattered in her own blood and the blood of others.

    She limps off alone to some safe, distant spot. She sits there shaking, and after a few moments her magic sinks back into the mare.

    Celestia returns to her alicorn form, and then makes her way back to Canterlot.


    Stay Awesome,

    -T.D.

    54 comments · 913 views
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It's Sisterhooves Social time again. This year, Dash catches wind of two new competitors and gets Spike to bet on the race. When her team is revealed to be a rather famous set of siblings, it looks like poor Spike will be her slave for a week! However, due to a team of masseurs, a minor invasion, unfortunate addictions, and dubious barrel components, victory might not be as near as she thinks...

First Published
7th Dec 2012
Last Modified
7th Dec 2012

Ah, comedy!

It was a while sinds I last read comedy, I'll be sure to check it out once I have time :rainbowkiss:

*klicks read later*

Sweet Apple Acres was so thick with estrogen that it seemed to hang in the atmosphere with a visible pinkish haze.

So substantial was the presence of such an environmental hormone imbalance that even a stallion as manly and endued with excess testosterone as Big Macintosh could scarcely breath without having the lingering urge to talk about his feelings and eat dark chocolate.

You... Oh lord :rainbowlaugh: alright, I'll return again once I finish...

Gonna put this on my "read later" list. So many things, so many things.

:rainbowlaugh: Yet again, you continue to hit the mark of comedy excellence!

Well my reaction to pretty much everything in this story.....

Also, is that a little spoiler with Joe and Allspice, pertaining to perhaps your next story??:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

And if not, then I demand it to be!!!!! :twilightangry2::flutterrage::twilightangry2:

After you and Raven finish Of Apples And Roses, of course!!:twilightsheepish::twilightsheepish::twilightsheepish:

I haven't laughed so hard in a while! :rainbowlaugh:

Expect a PM from me shortly. I noticed a few things that I had questions about. :twilightsmile:

Oh my goodness gracious... This is the funniest thing I has read in a looooonnnngggg time :rainbowlaugh:

I nearly burst into laughter during my English class. That's how funny it was! But that would've been awkward if I did burst into laughter since it's silent reading, and I'm supposed to be reading Harry Potter, which isn't all that funny.... Oh well :scootangel:

So basically, this made my day. It was beautifully written (per usual) and was funny without being stupid. You write with a subtle sense of humor, that's HILARIOUS when you pick up on it :pinkiehappy:

Well, I should probably get back to class... Though I really don't want to.... I wish I could read fanfiction for choice reading....

~Nerdy_Aslin:eeyup:

This is very silly.

:rainbowlaugh:

Ah, such a wonderful read! :twilightsmile: Between the diamond dogs being hit with everything but a kitchen sink, and the multiple times the word bunghole brought back Beavis and Butt-Head memories, I throughly enjoyed this!  Oh, and the rest of the story was delightful as well.

That's just amazing :pinkiehappy: I am thoroughly amused and entertained by the nonsensical application of semidivine wisdom from the diarchy.

The air that hovered around Sweet Apple Acres was so thick with estrogen that it seemed to hang in the atmosphere with a visible pinkish haze.
Oh God, dat opening.

[...] Big Macintosh could scarcely breath without[...]
breathe

listening as Twilight appeared and disappeared in the far distance in poofs of her magic, still wailing noticeably
What DO you smoke while you write that gives you such hilarious mental images?  I want it.

This is the literary equivalent of a group portrait via Skype, where everyone is shouting out suggestions like "make the shark shoot lazers out of his eyes" and "the sun should be holding a knife!"

In conclusion: There.  Are.  No.  Words.  Should have... sent a... very... stoned poet...

*rest elbows on desk, stipples hands in front of face after adjusting the light just so so eyes can't be seen through glasses* All according to plan.

Good god this is hilarious.

The Awesome on these pages is so great, it deserves to be bottled and applied to Rainbow Dash daily by a specially picked team of Swedish bikini models.

:rainbowlaugh: Doing this the entire time!

Oh man, T.D. Your comedy fics are always fun to read, even if some of it goes a little further into brainbleach territory than I would like (Granny Smith's "happy ending," for example, repeated and gratuitous use of the word "bunghole").  I definitely laughed out loud several times - particularly at anything Celestia did without mentioning the bunghole, and all of Luna's antics.

It's interesting that this one points to being part of your canon, unlike the apparent side-stories of "Dear Idiot" and "Bailout."

I'm glad you write a variety of styles.  :)

I loved the part with my buddy :eeyup: I felt sorta bad for him though

I'm surprised that it took this long to see something like this, actually.

“And why should you this is not the year for you to do so?”

You accidentally a word :twilightoops:


And oh my word, this was absolutely, positively hilarious. If there weren't other people in this room, I'd be laughing uproariously. :rainbowlaugh:

This is how you write comedy, folks.

Once again TD, you've outdone yourself. By far one of the most hilarious fics I've ever read, and it has the best opening to a story ever! I can only hope one day my comedy can become as funny as your's, but until then I'lll just keep on reading and giggling under my breath like a little girl.:pinkiehappy:

It's been a while since I've read a great comedy with a coherent plot. I did feel bad for Twilight as the child she shares a parental/guardian relationship with says that she mistreats him. The parts with the Diamond Dogs were hilarious. Allspice being told by Celestia to have children with a donut shoppe owner that she doesn't know in order to genetically engineer a race of super bakers. :rainbowhuh: :rainbowlaugh: Also this one of the few fan fictions that made me learn some things.

Sardonic-- is an adjective and it means: Grimly mocking or cynical. Funny enough its synonym is sarcastic.  

Bunghole!

A gem of your choice from my hoard. This is a riot, from the bunghole jokes to Lord Snoopy.

Yours is some of the best comedy on this site. Keep it up.

*Is laughing uncontrollably*

Haha...b...HAHAHA!

Bunghol...

Bungholery!

*Continues laughing until the air is out, then passes out*

The whole intro with Big Mac destroyed me. Poor guy, being one of the few stallions in a town full of mares.

Remember folks! Not always a good thing! :eeyup:

In the grandstand, several older sisters found themselves having to explain to their younger siblings the type of things that happen when an ageless, supposedly immortal, and supposedly divine alicorn and a pie love each other very much.

“Biscuit really like her mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne!”

“Mom?” she asked, bouncing off of one of the birds.

With a simple flexing of her strength the barrel-half flew into splinters. The crowd watched in shock as Celestia’s bunghole was devastated.

I can't even... :rainbowlaugh:

In Canterlot, Pony “Doughnut” Joe was just finishing his day.

Joe had a cameo? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.


Overall thoughts? Well, first, you did it. I mean, I remember the blog post and thinking it was an absolutely brilliant idea. And then here it is. And it's brilliant.

Second, this is easily the funniest thing I've ever read. The Diamond Dogs, the antics of the sisters... Comedy gold, sir. Comedy gold. :rainbowlaugh:

Cheers,

~Csquared08

Awwwwww. Such a cute pic. It reeled me in, and I'm staying.

As always with your stories, *fav* and *thumbs up* prior to reading since I already know that I will love it.  I will post my response to the actual story once I finish reading it.  

Faving to read later. This looks like it could be quite hilarious.  :trollestia:

I dearly want to find out what happens at the Moon Pie Eating Championship. This was hilarious and a nice pick me up during a rough day. Thank you

Oh gosh, the whole part with the chiropractor ponies and Granny Smith had me laughing for a few minutes straight. XD

That was hilarious.

>>1756708

I look forward to your thoughts when you do!

>>1756713

I can't wait to hear what you think!

>>1756766

I know, right?:twilightsmile:

>>1756901

Indeed it is!

>>1756911

I'm very glad that you liked it!

>>1756918

That too! Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>1756848

I can't claim that it's actually a lead-in, but GiantMako wrote a story with Joe's son... I thought it would be nice to give a hint where the colt came from!:raritywink:

I'm just waitin' on word from Dag as to when we're gonna finish Of Proses!

>>1756925

Thanks for the spelling catch, Matt. I shall fix it presently. In regards to your question, I smoke nothing... this is exactly what it looks like inside my head at all times!

>>1756945

I'm glad you liked it! I hope I didn't go too far into the "Trollestia" or "Trolluna" in this, did I?

>>1757236

I'm sure you will! I'm glad I could give ya' a giggling fit!

>>1757239

I actually have to disagree with that definition of "sardonic". Sardonicism deals with the situations, and sarcasm deals with individuals. Well, at least that's what I was taught? Anywho, I'm glad that you enjoyed it! I always look forward to hearing from you!

>>1757252

Thank you so much for doing so! I greatly appreciate you saying that. Thanks for reading!

>>1757258

Don't keep passing out like that! You might not wake up, and I can't afford to lose any readers!:raritywink:

>>1757267

He took it well! Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>1757293

Always love to hear your thoughts, CS! Thanks for reading this one as well!

>>1757326

I'll love to hear your thoughts when ya' finish it!

>>1757346

An appropriate macro! Thanks for reading and commenting!

>>1757371

You know that I look forward to your thoughts!

>>1757441

I look forward to seeing what you think of it!

>>1757458

You are very welcome, and I hope you are having a better day!

>>1757540

No you didn't, they didn't do this for their own personal enjoyment at the expense of others so they are not trolls as defined by the Protect Celestia charter, "A defense for Princess Celestia".

This story was great. XD I laughed many a time while reading this.

>>1757540

Yeah, I was curious what that one meant so I looked it on google and now, I'm looking at in my paperback dictionary.

Sarcastic, sardonic

->These words have similar enough meanings.Sarcastic means cruelly ironic, taunting. Sardonic means scornful, but with a sense of humor rather than cruelty.<--> Sadonic owes its origin to the plant known in Latin as herba Sardonia, because it causes facial contortions when eaten.  

Then when you reach Sadonic, it says adj. sneering, sarcastic.

It's a fun word, and hey even if people hated the story at least they can say they learned something. :derpytongue2:

Edutainment.

I read this while at work, and I now have to resist the urge to walk around yelling bunghole.

A old friend of mine drew the image you used for this story. Could you please put the source up?: http://cuteskitty.deviantart.com/art/Sisterhooves-290132278

So bucking awesome, words cannot express.:rainbowkiss:

>>1757733

Pay ya' five bucks to do it!:raritywink:

>>1757765

I do believe that I credited him. CuteSkitty's name is right under my name in the title. Perhaps you hadn't noticed? He gave me permission to use the piece months ago, and I certainly wouldn't use an artists work without their consent. I hope you enjoyed the work!:twilightsmile:

>>1757826

I'm very glad you liked it, Mask!:pinkiesmile:

>>1757856

Gotcha! Sorry, I was only looking for it on the cover page.

Priceless.  Utterly priceless.

Alt. Title: SPOLIER: Celestia And Luna Win

Even these decidedly macho thoughts were not enough to overcome the decidedly Amazonian ambiance that held sway around the farm.

You are  misusing the term Amazonian.

here are two charachters that ARE amazonian:

here is another characther that, while less amazonian than the above, still has clear amazonian tendencies:

here are three characthers that are not amazonian in descending order from most amazonian to the least amazonian of all :yay::raritywink::pinkiehappy:

An Amazonian is a female  charachter who while clearly female is physicaly intimidating and could clearly kick your ass Ass kicking ability alone is not enough ( all the major female charachters in this show have literally kicked ass at one point) there has to be an element of  physical intimidation.

I rpopose the following ranking of the main female charachters in this show from the most amazonian  descending towards the least amazonian.

Princess Luna> Princess Celestia> Rainbow Dash>Applejack>TwillightSparkle/Fluttershy>Rarity>PinkiePie

Ha that was funny, nice work!

Also, a sequel of Rainbowdash's week would be funny.

>>1757896

Whereas all the mares and fillies are there to compete in athletic competition, wouldn't that also work as Amazonian (as in, like the Amazons?). Anywho, thanks for discussing syntax with me. Thanks for reading and commenting!:twilightsmile:

>>1757941

It would be neat, wouldn't it?:raritywink:

Thanks for taking the time to read and leave me a note!:pinkiesmile:

>>1757960

Your welcome, good luck on your other works!

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