- Member Since 31st May, 2012
- offline last seen March 1st
MaxBeezy
Better than Nicholas Sparks. Probably. Probably not. Also has a thing for Queen Chrysalis. Can't Explain Why.
MaxBeezy
Joined 31st May, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Android · 18k words · 295 8 · 6.4k views
- MaxBeezy · 71k words · 285 28 · 5.5k views
- MaxBeezy · 52k words · 141 13 · 1.6k views
- Error · 6.6k words · 116 6 · 4.3k views
- DrTechno · 36k words · 323 38 · 11k views
- Noponythere · 27k words · 268 13 · 6k views
- MaxBeezy · 32k words · 147 7 · 3.4k views
- Shadowswipe · 22k words · 317 28 · 9.1k views
Featured In9
Shipping 💖11,671 stories ·9,742 members
Clopfics11,546 stories ·15,815 members
- Second Person Stories1,560 stories ·1,825 members
The Writers' Group56,406 stories ·9,292 members
Sensual Fiction (SFG)1,192 stories ·1,724 members
- Spitfire is Best Pony106 stories ·223 members
Una's merchandise and classifieds141 stories ·13 members
Soarin and the Wonderbolts769 stories ·240 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.047 seconds
Total duration
677 users online
887,522 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hmm, a really decent start for a story. A character who has self-esteem, or like yo said, self-loathing, issues but doesn't affect his social skills & communication when he speaks to other characters as well good posture (if not have a good head on his shoulder of what he sould ask and shouldn't ask). Nice too for the main character can be negative, but not too negative, and despite being a third wheel or being asocial, he has redeeming characteristics as he pushes himself to find a sense of belonging and actually considers his opportunity to be trained by a professional flyer, with non-romantic interest......as of the moment.
Overall, nice character as he is neither too pity or low, nor is he super-important or powered individual, and is rather fit right in the middle with redeeming qualities and have weakness in form of personality as well as physique. Nice touch of dialogue too as how there is little to no intentional awkward romance scenes that both characters doesn't seem to notice and gets moved on by it (unlike most romances, both clop or not) , if not have some backlashes, or as the case in the hospital, self-backlashes for realizing what he has done.
Good character of Spitfire, but one can see that she have a deeper complexity in the dialogue that was given in this chapter, shall be intriguing to see what you have cooked up for her. Nice too that she is not too forward to help the character out, as it could be hinted that she was stuck in a similar position, and doesn't necessarily have romantic interest with him at the moment.
The interaction with these two characters are pretty nice, down-to-earth, and pretty realistic when characters respond with emotions and facial expressions. Good to see that not all dialogue can be happy, if not simple, in the beginning for whats the good drama story with having a personality that we can relate too and expect the same emotional and behavior response to the situation.
However, despite the story being good, it is not without errors. One would be at the first paragraph as it is not indented "or tapped", and the second being the following sentence that I happen to forget as I lost the sentence I copied. Other than 2 errors that I shall, the chapter itself is nearly flawless from mistakes.
I'll be looking forward to this romance story as how these two diverse (personality-wise) characters gets to know each other and develops a slow, and steady relationship from strangers to friends, to good friends and maybe more. Keep up the good work man
~Best regards
I hope this story gets more views, Spitfire is under loved when it comes to 2nd Person stories.
Can't wait to see were this goes!
Will this be updated regularly?
1875359 Yeah. Should be a new chapter every couple of days or so. Won't be waiting too long for every subsequent chapter.
1875129 Thanks for the critique. The lack indentation at the beginning has always been a weird thing with the site, but I fixed it with a space.
Somehow, I love FP stories
and I have plenty of those
if I know I'm a stallion then I would like it
I always enjoy a good Spitfire romance.
Keep up the good work.
Awesome story,bro can't wait for other chapters!
This is AWESOME!
Russian brony liked this story!
Great start, patiently waiting for more
Great start, can't wait for more
Cliche, but totally the best one out there so far.
I hope you arnt one of those authors who who starts a great story, and forgets to update it.
1877541 I'm not.
I usually start work on the next chapter as soon as the previous one is posted. Sure, sometimes there are unforseen delays, but they get posted sooner or later. Preferably sooner.
Well you should add in
Around the time he starts talking to her.
Another great chapter. Poor guy, reminds me of myself a few years back. Then I went legally insane. The friends just poured in!
The way you use 'flank' tells me that 'rump' sounds like a more viable alternative. Also, Thunderlane was in the Academy but I don't believe he is a confirmed Wonderbolt just yet.
Reminds me of myself as I am now, though I do have friends just I don't make new ones that aren't online. The ability to have an extended time between each comment/message is really useful for not saying something that has potential for a reaction in the negative.
Chapter 2 - still awesome!
Keep the good work!
Second person x Spitfire is the best!
Also, did Spitfire already slept with somepony in the story?
I love the attitude this pegasus has.
Well, achievement unlocked - have an ultra awesome first friend
Well Soarin will hopefully get around, Thunderlane (while not officially in the 'Bolts, but hey, you can do whatever you want in fictions!) probably just tags along to look cooler than he really is.
Silly Thunderlane, nopony is cooler than the Dash or Spitfire
Anyway, great chapter. There were a couple of minor grammar missues I have picked up, but so far the story stays highly enjoyable, so I'll definitely stick around for more
I get a sense of daaw from this.
In the more "bad-ass" way that is...
Hmm, quite the enjoyable chapter. Funny to see how the character interacts with the town of Cloudsdale on his spare time such as him entering the Library, instead of showing up on time to the Cloudosseum, and read a random page of "50 shades of hay" to which I have to say was pretty hilarious as he throw the book which unintentionally hit The Librarian. As for when the character encounters the Wonderbolts, nice to see him have to talk with the team despite how Soarin' and Thunderlane mad things uncomfortable to him.
It's refreshing to see as Soarin' gets verbally aggressive to the character, as how most second-person stories have their characters have little-to-no backbone initially with them having low self-esteem, the character recovers quickly and made his own comeback to Soarin' and kept his cool to which left the whole group speechless. Well done I have to say, not much stories would have their character bite back and keeps one cool. That being said, it's also funny too as how the character, while hanging out with Spitfire in a local fast food joint, makes jokes despite his insecurities to himself. I'm liking this character a lot for someone who is mostly negative.
The format of this chapter is perfect, but I have one question to ask:
Would it better to have the word as 'the Luna-raised moon', Since the noun Luna is a
personpony's name and not otherwise?*pointless comment*
Just kidding, good chapter, but I got thrown off a few times with the banter between you (the author) and 'me'. Aside from that, good.
I had a vision halfway through this of Rainbow and the other Wonderbolts sitting above them with a hole in the roof making bets if they kiss or not.
Soarin is totally jelly
Seems legit.
Chapter of d'awwis majoris.
Nicely written, I like the way you set up the mood, the awkwardness, and how Spitfire dozed off before she actually said anything too important.
And now... Will he or won't he get some... sickness?
That would have been fun, she gets better and he comes down with something nasty that she would help him with at his own place
This is awesome!
Begin Monty Python and the Holy Grail perfect fitting movie quote:
End quote. Good chapter. So much DAAW.
Pretty good chapter I have to say. Nice to see that after six months, as opposed to the next day/week, that the character gets warmed up to his surrounding and as well as others to him like Thunderlane and Surprise. Also charming as to how the character would go out of his way to be great friend to Spitfire without any hidden agendas and not take advantage over the situation, funny to as to how he views Spitfire as his best bud and nothing more at the moment. Sad to see that Soarin' continues to act like a jerk to the character, but what is a good romance without conflicts and obstacles right? I haven't notice any errors in the story so a plus on that my man.
Overall, pretty good chapter, I can't wait to see more. Keep up the good work man.
Best regards,
Me likes very much! Why is there so few ocXspitfire fics out there?
Me: Soarin , why are you jeallous?
Soarin: I'm Not jeallous!
Me: Dude, if you were any other creature, you'd be a jellyfish
Ha! Great. I'm still mad at myself for kissing Spitfire though, and my brain could of done better. Man, being the soul can suck sometimes.
Wow I'm am vary unperceptive.
I cannot wait for the next chapter, I would ask"Hurry up and upload it!" But then I wont get as much detail! :) Loving it! (Only story to get my "Fuckin' Brilliant" award too, great job) Also, I love it when you have me (brain) talk to me(pony)directly, it's usually pretty funny. Like when I(brain) say " Honestly, she is the prettiest thing you have ever….wait….stop it. No. No, do not do it. What do you mean ‘What?’ You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You get away from her at this instant!" Funny stuff. )
1912741 Jellyfish! HA!
Come onnnnnn stallion up!
Obliviouss dude is oblivious
Well, let's see what happens now
You write "conscious" instead of "conscience".
Also, I love this story
Geting more awesome!
Well now, this was unexpected...
You should make soarin gets punched 5 mo
re times lol.
I'm glad to see that the narreration of you being 'my' brain has been explained more clearly. An excelent and possibly comidic goldmine if used right. Also, kick ass chapter. Keep it up.
Me and my fucking good nature
Next chapter: Que things not being alright.
Damn, I better be wrong.
Well... that happened.
1917939 It sure did.
I think that tape is gonna be a BIG issue later....
Talking with own consicence, I love it!