DrTechno
Joined 4th Jul, 2012 ·
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As in Anthro?
Anthro?
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/11/15/hYEJC8Dp1U2Etrc6fm5lrw2.png
NO
1638108
No, anthro Is Ponies with Human Characteristics (Walk on too legs, Usually Digigrade, has hands or some type of grasper, Extera)
Human with wings, you could compaire It to a Angel, just a regular human with wings.
1638108
It's humanized.
with Anthro they still keep most of their animalistic features such as their coat and tails. In Humanized they're 100% human, though the humanized Pegasi tend to keep their wings. Some people even let the Humanized Unicorns keep their horns.
Rainbow with boobs? Heresy and not aerodynamic, at all
I think you could have kept it a little longer but overall....I LIKE
Meh, it's not bad.
You've got some spelling errors, you should have somebody proofread this unless it doesn't matter and it's written only for the clop. Some examples are:
It's is a contraction of "it" and "is". Its is the possessive form of the pronoun it.
Mano-a-mano, not mano el mano.
You use the plural form of certain words when you should be using the singular.
Used "tart" instead of "start".
Stuff like that.
Also barely faster than Rainbow Dash? She's supposed to be the fastest in all of Equestria and suddenly here's this guy that is almost as fast as she is who only flies for pleasure and she's an athlete who does this all the time.
And that picture just doesn't quite work. Don't get me wrong, it's very nice but an athletic Rainbow Dash would definitely have a smaller chest.
I saw some spelling errors here and there and maybe you could seperate certain paragraphs that state how much time has passed. But the story has a good structure to it. Well done.
ont bad, not bad at all. You have a sort of background story for it, albeit a short one.
But seriosuly, get a prof reader ASAP
You are messing op you're and your.
You're= you are
Your=something that is belonging to or associated with the person or people that the speaker is addressing.
Learn the difference!
Not bad.
I'm not much for humanized ponies but it's a good fic none the less.
1638289 She just gave him the impression that he was wining and played tired. (slowly tries to avoid the plot hole)
Uh. Have only read description (Clop isn't usually my thing) but i noticed
"My curiosity got the better of me and I went out on a quest to make my fist clopfic. Feel free to point out my mistake so I can improv if I make another."
First
Improve
sorry, it's rare that i notice anything so when i do i point it out
Good luck.
1638708 you were saying
1638789
like it, but sorry if i butt in and suggest this
i.imgur.com/KaiTw.jpg
instead of the cover.
not to be a pushy person :3
1639890 Dammit, that is a much better picture than mine. Have to change it to that ASAP. Thanks for showing me
1639962
glad to be of help
1639962 WHat no, keep the current cover art!
Had to stop half way through. Saw at least a dozen grammer errors and moments when I had to insert the correct word to make the rest of the sentence make any sense.
On a note about the story itself.
It's a great premise but it feels very rushed. Going from finding out her name to instsntly 5 months dating in. I realize you are trying to write a clop but working the back story helps.
After a revision and grammer checks out the ass I would be happy to thumb and favorite.
1640676 Sorry, but it was more that wanted it changed
I liked it well enough, but there were many grammar errors that need addressing. I would suggest a proof reader.
I also feel that it was a bit rushed, both in clop and in the story overall. This is about 4000 words, it could possibly be stretched out to about 5500 without excessive detail.
Good writing but not for me.
For me everything was moving to fast. With the hole skip five mouth thing. I would have love to see a build up bond between the two. But anyways good writing only a couple of mistakes nothing big though.
1644879
no one reads like gaston?
1648111 yeah, looking back I should probably have gone more in on the bonding and not skip so much, but I will try to make it up in the next chapter.
1649613 indeed
Hey, Techno, just a suggestion, get someone to proofread. I found quite a few errors, no offence.
wow, the story passed a 1,000 views
amazing how popular this was compared to my others. Love the support and comments you have given me 
1639890 I see Ash Ketchum's lesbian friend for some reason when I see this...
Also>>1663171 not bad interesting to say the leas.t hell im jealous of Feather Racer and that cover looks good on Dashie if I may say so
And you made a clopfic im not sure i aprove but still take this like
salty huh eh i dont even whatevs here just take this like [walks away]
Not bad a few mistakes that jumped up and nut kicked me but I proofread so its to be expected.
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2009/8/9/128943589204139070.jpg
1650034
1.cdn.tapcdn.com/images/thumbs/taps/2012/07/image-299774-didney-worl-know-your-meme-7e3068f9-sz500x274-animate.jpg
this is flutter approved
alfa.gifs-planet.com/new/433.gif
awesome, is it done, or are you going to make more chapters?
1719632 It was planned to be that, but some people wanted more
1720030 I have planned at least two more and I'm thinking of doing a threesome in one of them.
cool, cool
e621.net/data/17/76/1776af2e16a075b5ef92c2432df81047.gif
Good story.. anbody else notice the fact that Ditzy has wings? Or am I thinking its Dinky??
1723126 Well you can see Ditzy (aka Derpy) 7 comments up from this so you probably are thinking of Dinky
west I think you ment vest.
Great story.
A little early release on this one, but dammit I'm inpaciant.
I read the first chapter when it was originally released, but haven't checked back in for a while. Second chances are a beautiful thing.
1789261 aww, thanks for giving it another try.
1789301
My pleasure. Every starting writer/artist should be given more than a few chances.
1789301
I see you used one of my suggestions
1638330upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8f/Grammar_Nazi_Icon_Text.svg
Haha, Just kidding, I like good grammar too. YOU'RE GOING TO LEARN YOUR YOURS AND YOUR YOU'RES. Damn, that was probably an error...
1789463
I take the big "grammar nazi" sign as a compliment. Yes, i am striving to get my grammar prefect. Unfortunately some parts tend to slip.
Yes, there was an error there. the first of all; youres is supposed to be youre's. Secondly; you'res isn't even a word. You need to completely re-write the sentence, but it was a clever attempt at a word play
Don't ask me how to fix it, i can't seem to find an answer for that one
To give everyone a teaser for the next chapter (but not the last) I can tell you that it will contain a threesome, but I will not say with who.