BOOBS

(Humans with wings)

As in Anthro?

Anthro?

i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/11/15/hYEJC8Dp1U2Etrc6fm5lrw2.png
NO

1638108
No, anthro Is Ponies with Human Characteristics (Walk on too legs, Usually Digigrade, has hands or some type of grasper, Extera)

Human with wings, you could compaire It to a Angel, just a regular human with wings.

1638108
It's humanized.

with Anthro they still keep most of their animalistic features such as their coat and tails. In Humanized they're 100% human, though the humanized Pegasi tend to keep their wings. Some people even let the Humanized Unicorns keep their horns.

Rainbow with boobs? Heresy and not aerodynamic, at all

I think you could have kept it a little longer but overall....I LIKE

Meh, it's not bad.

You've got some spelling errors, you should have somebody proofread this unless it doesn't matter and it's written only for the clop. Some examples are:
It's is a contraction of "it" and "is". Its is the possessive form of the pronoun it.
Mano-a-mano, not mano el mano.
You use the plural form of certain words when you should be using the singular.
Used "tart" instead of "start".
Stuff like that.

Also barely faster than Rainbow Dash? She's supposed to be the fastest in all of Equestria and suddenly here's this guy that is almost as fast as she is who only flies for pleasure and she's an athlete who does this all the time.

And that picture just doesn't quite work. Don't get me wrong, it's very nice but an athletic Rainbow Dash would definitely have a smaller chest.

I saw some spelling errors here and there and maybe you could seperate certain paragraphs that state how much time has passed. But the story has a good structure to it. Well done.

ont bad, not bad at all. You have a sort of background story for it, albeit a short one.
But seriosuly, get a prof reader ASAP
You are messing op you're and your.
You're= you are
Your=something that is belonging to or associated with the person or people that the speaker is addressing.
Learn the difference!

Not bad.
I'm not much for humanized ponies but it's a good fic none the less.

1638289 She just gave him the impression that he was wining and played tired. (slowly tries to avoid the plot hole)

Uh. Have only read description (Clop isn't usually my thing) but i noticed

"My curiosity got the better of me and I went out on a quest to make my fist clopfic. Feel free to point out my mistake so I can improv if I make another."

First

Improve

sorry, it's rare that i notice anything so when i do i point it out

Good luck.

1638708 you were saying

1638789
like it, but sorry if i butt in and suggest this
i.imgur.com/KaiTw.jpg
instead of the cover.

not to be a pushy person :3

1639890 Dammit, that is a much better picture than mine. Have to change it to that ASAP. Thanks for showing me

1639962
glad to be of help

1639962 WHat no, keep the current cover art!

Had to stop half way through. Saw at least a dozen grammer errors and moments when I had to insert the correct word to make the rest of the sentence make any sense.

On a note about the story itself.
It's a great premise but it feels very rushed. Going from finding out her name to instsntly 5 months dating in. I realize you are trying to write a clop but working the back story helps.

After a revision and grammer checks out the ass I would be happy to thumb and favorite.

1640676 Sorry, but it was more that wanted it changed

I liked it well enough, but there were many grammar errors that need addressing. I would suggest a proof reader.

I also feel that it was a bit rushed, both in clop and in the story overall. This is about 4000 words, it could possibly be stretched out to about 5500 without excessive detail.

Good writing but not for me.
For me everything was moving to fast. With the hole skip five mouth thing. I would have love to see a build up bond between the two. But anyways good writing only a couple of mistakes nothing big though.

1644879
no one reads like gaston?

1648111 yeah, looking back I should probably have gone more in on the bonding and not skip so much, but I will try to make it up in the next chapter.

1649613 indeed

Hey, Techno, just a suggestion, get someone to proofread. I found quite a few errors, no offence.

wow, the story passed a 1,000 views amazing how popular this was compared to my others. Love the support and comments you have given me

1639890 I see Ash Ketchum's lesbian friend for some reason when I see this...

Also>>1663171 not bad interesting to say the leas.t hell im jealous of Feather Racer and that cover looks good on Dashie if I may say so

And you made a clopfic im not sure i aprove but still take this like

salty huh eh i dont even whatevs here just take this like [walks away]

Not bad a few mistakes that jumped up and nut kicked me but I proofread so its to be expected.

i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2009/8/9/128943589204139070.jpg
1650034
1.cdn.tapcdn.com/images/thumbs/taps/2012/07/image-299774-didney-worl-know-your-meme-7e3068f9-sz500x274-animate.jpg

1638330upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8f/Grammar_Nazi_Icon_Text.svg

Haha, Just kidding, I like good grammar too. YOU'RE GOING TO LEARN YOUR YOURS AND YOUR YOU'RES. Damn, that was probably an error...

rainbow-colored pubic hair

How do the colors not mix man! (Or do they?) SCIENCE DEBATE TIME if rainbow's hair is made of individual strands why don't the colors mix (including pubic hair) in real life there's a part of hair that would mix so

Other than that good story
As for the science debate that is an military AND royal order

I decree
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia

Found a spelling mostake, where dash says she wants it, want is spelled wouldn't twice

1934998
It's not the only one in this chapter. But it's a good start

This is Kalash93 from Authors Helping Authors. I am about to begin reading your story. I will write up a review when I am finished.

Since peoples wings are such vitals organs they have lots of feeling points

I lol'd so hard at this. This chapter is filled with spelling mistakes and fucktarded bullshit like the sentence I quoted. What, are you saying hearts have a lot of "feeling points"? Earlobes aren't vital organs.

I'm sorry but GAAAAHHH THE GRAMMAR I don't think I can continue with that grammar also that moved a bit too fast

Since peoples wings are such vitals organs they have lots of feeling points

static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_super/12/127915/2629405-2382744_implied_facepalm_super.jpg

"A mano el mano?" what the hay is that?

I know ive said it once before but. this is some damn fine writing and a damn fine story

3405043 Its basically a spanish way of saying one on one.

"She creams and digs her nails into your shoulders." that made me chuckle.