I cannot wait for the next chapter, I would ask"Hurry up and upload it!" But then I wont get as much detail! :) Loving it! (Only story to get my "Fuckin' Brilliant" award too, great job) Also, I love it when you have me (brain) talk to me(pony)directly, it's usually pretty funny. Like when I(brain) say " Honestly, she is the prettiest thing you have ever….wait….stop it. No. No, do not do it. What do you mean ‘What?’ You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You get away from her at this instant!" Funny stuff. )
Quite the eventful chapter you have there man, first would be the character taunting Soarin' to punch him when the gang finds out that he kept Spitfire company overnight, to it which surprises me that the character not only command such a taunt but can handle the punishment as well (not something I would in a first-view story, well done yet again). Second, the character, after finding out about the initial intention that Spitfire had for hanging out with him yet went deeper, decided to forcefully kiss her and almost had sex with her is quite the shock and a surprise as well. Lastly, Soarin' much later wanted to make amends for his mistake yet the character would be okay with it but not call him a friend...yet, nice to see that the characters have redeeming qualities and characters are not quick to completely forget things, very interesting stuff indeed. I can't wait to see how things goes forward from here. Keep up the good work man.
Found some errors in this chapter
Doing what I tell you to do, you furl your wings back up, and remove yourself from the bed. Her grip on you was no longer tight,
forgot to add the "er" to the second last word as it would give the impression that her tight was over-reaching, but how much in time.
“Yes. I've known many ponies, unicorns, and Pegasi. In all my years, there’s no one out there…cooler than you.”
Would it be accurate to say "I've known many earth-ponies, unicrons, and pegasi."? would make sense to not have the whole ponies race and to have the 2 sub-races as well. In addition, I don't believe that the term 'pegasi' shouldn't have a capital as well
Ha! Great. I'm still mad at myself for kissing Spitfire though, and my brain could of done better. Man, being the soul can suck sometimes.
Wow I'm am vary unperceptive.
I cannot wait for the next chapter, I would ask"Hurry up and upload it!" But then I wont get as much detail! :) Loving it! (Only story to get my "Fuckin' Brilliant" award too, great job) Also, I love it when you have me (brain) talk to me(pony)directly, it's usually pretty funny. Like when I(brain) say " Honestly, she is the prettiest thing you have ever….wait….stop it. No. No, do not do it. What do you mean ‘What?’ You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You get away from her at this instant!" Funny stuff. )
Come onnnnnn stallion up!
Obliviouss dude is oblivious
Well, let's see what happens now
You write "conscious" instead of "conscience".
Also, I love this story
Geting more awesome!
Well now, this was unexpected...
You should make soarin gets punched 5 more times lol.
Me and my fucking good nature
Next chapter: Que things not being alright.
Damn, I better be wrong.
Talking with own consicence, I love it!
Quite the eventful chapter you have there man, first would be the character taunting Soarin' to punch him when the gang finds out that he kept Spitfire company overnight, to it which surprises me that the character not only command such a taunt but can handle the punishment as well (not something I would in a first-view story, well done yet again). Second, the character, after finding out about the initial intention that Spitfire had for hanging out with him yet went deeper, decided to forcefully kiss her and almost had sex with her is quite the shock and a surprise as well. Lastly, Soarin' much later wanted to make amends for his mistake yet the character would be okay with it but not call him a friend...yet, nice to see that the characters have redeeming qualities and characters are not quick to completely forget things, very interesting stuff indeed. I can't wait to see how things goes forward from here. Keep up the good work man.
Found some errors in this chapter
forgot to add the "er" to the second last word as it would give the impression that her tight was over-reaching, but how much in time.
Would it be accurate to say "I've known many earth-ponies, unicrons, and pegasi."? would make sense to not have the whole ponies race and to have the 2 sub-races as well. In addition, I don't believe that the term 'pegasi' shouldn't have a capital as well
Love how narrorattor is the dudes brain
...*facedesks* You idiot. You poor, clueless idiot.