Warning. This story is OLD. Like, so old that it's from the time when you could have contradicting story tags old. Only reason I keep it up is for sentiment. Keep in mind that, in my mind at least, it is very bad and I would not recommend reading it. Read at own risk or check out some of my more recent projects.
You have always been a different pegasus since the accident seven years ago. Your view on the world changed. Being the son of an extremely smart and famous Scientist father and a rich fashion designer mother you often find yourself alone. You love to explore the forest, the mountains, as much as you can. You always push yourself to go farther and higher, where nopony has gone before. Your adventures were always your private escape from the world.
Until one day when your parents get you a job with the local weather patrol just before leaving on their respective trips. Your summer is about to get more interesting...
Told through 2nd person and 3rd person naratives.
It's always fun to see a second-person perspective. If it's done right (and you're doing ok) it is quite entertaining.
)
The only problem is, you can't have an omniscient second person. How do I know what Dash is thinking?
(unless, of course, I'm bulimic as well as blind?
Hmm I'll keep that in mind for future chapters. Done other writings before so I thought I'd try something new. Little new at the romance side of writing. Thanks for the tip though :-)
I could be a troll here and unbalance the likes and dislikes. *Evil laugh*
Hmm... Daredevil in Ponyville?
Just joking, but since Storm DOES have Daredevil's sonic hearing, you also give him Daredevil's acute sense of smell. That why he can identify one pony from another by scent or tell oatmeal from guacamole, or a gala apple from a macintosh.
Also ther should be something "off" or different about Storm that others pick up on, like him not really looking directly at you while talking. He also will have trouble reading subtler facial expressions. His asking the time was good, but remember he can't read at all (except maybe Braille) so this should be a problem for him as well. He might still be clumsy or accident prone due to his sonics might not being totally accurate at times (like with loud background noise.)
One idea you might follow is that one other character becomes aware of Storm's condition and that he wants to or needs to hide it from others, either not to lose his job or he is afraid of Dash's response. That character will them help Storm cover up his blindness around other ponies. Twilight would work, as librarian she could get his Braille books, or Pinkie pie for a more comedic effect. This could also be used to cause some strain between Storm and Dash, like jealousy about how much time Storm seems to spend with Twi or pinkie.
Hmm interesting. Ill keep those In mind. I was planning on one of them trying to get him to swimming but being terrified since the water would mess up his hearing. Thanks for the positive feedback :-)
like, and track
Over the next hour, you were both done in 30 minutes?
DERP
Eventually Rainbow Dash would figure out that he's actually blind.
Bing bing bang digi digi!
Can't wait to see what happens next...
So many cliffhangers, so little time.
Great story thus far.
Though if I may, there is one grammatical error I see.
You use "accept" when I think you mean "except".
Umm how did he read the note?
338669 *facehoof* just realized that too
Eh. The story is interesting, but I'm not a fan of the type of narrative that's going on. I haven't finished the chapter yet, I'll see if it bothers me after a little while.
SHIT. hard remembering he's blind. MUST FIX
Fixed
How does a blind pony sees the lights flashing on? Wouldn't he just notice all the ponies jumping out yelling surprise and have no idea what the lights were doing?
Fluttershy seemed a might too timid IMO, she has gotten better. Plus she is surrounded by her friends for support and knew beforehand she was meeting a new pony, it is not like she was metting him out of the blue and alone like when she first met Twi.
You need to fix Storm noticing the lights flash on at the beginning of chap. 3 as well, blind can't tell if lights are on or off.
I see hints of trouble with Dash becoming jealous and assuming there is something going on between Storm and Twilight starting to happen. Just remember Dash is a very blunt and direct pony, IMO she'll confront him in a very rash manner about it. She is also very stubborn and head stong, it would take something really major to convince her she is wrong.
Prehaps this could be the reason for Storm admitting his blindness, to prove to Dash that his visits to Twi were for her to study and help him and nothing more.
Also, Storm seems to have trouble keeping his glasses on. This is understandable, it would become almost a paranoid obsession with him IMO. Perhaps Twilight might get him some goggles and/or glasses with retaining straps (also called 'chums') so that he''ll be less likely to accidently have them knocked off.
MOREOVER, if Twilight gave them to Storm in private but Dash happened to see it, Dash would assume it is a lover's gift between them.
Another idea you might play with is Rarity, AJ, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and maybe some of the BG ponies noticing how close Storm and Dash are getting, but also noticing Storm constantly visiting or spening time with Twilight. It might even seem to them that Storm was cheating on Dash with Twilight I would think they might react badly to that.
Rarity in particular would IMO call Storm a two-timing scumbag, AJ would buck him, Pinkie might ressurect the recipe for "baked bads," other ponies would just ostracize him, ect...
I like those ideas.
I may just get out of my writer's block rut because of them.
thanks
I vote he say yes. Just for fun.
You say yes. Duh. But then the way the story is going that might not make much sense: The OC is obviously nervous about this, and with RBD completely oblivious (or at least I think that he thinks she is, I'm not the author here), his mind is most like jelly, and his stomach must feel like a horde of scared-shiatless butterflies.
You say, "YES!" /Winston Zeddemore
good story, keep it going
*braces for party!*
Reminds me of "A Party of One," but with Dash just not able to find any of the other mane 6 instead of being lied to. For some real role reversal, you could have it be Pinkie that is sent to bring Dash to her party.
Still pretty good though. HOWEVER do you really think Dash would forget its her birthday like Pinkie did?
IMO Dash would realize after a while that the reason she can't find her friends is that there is birthday party in the works. This could make her very paranoid about when it was going to happen, with her acting weirder & weirder when it doesn't. You could even have her finally locate the rest of the mane 6, but have them acting like there is no party, totally bumming out Dash before Storm springs his surprise and starts the party.
This of course is just some suggestions, use them or not use them as you see fit.
LOL, Vinyl can break the 4th wall....nice
.
WELP. This has made my day, but there will always be time for skyrim.
It kind of sounds like I'm only partially blind, like I can see shapes, just not detail or anything
472725 Nope, just have excellent hearing.
472727 I could defiantly use that skill
So Pinkie had nothing to do with him becoming blind.
And here I thought those hints about Pinkie getting drunk an doing something embarassing to Storm tears before might have to do with how he became blind.
BTW, if Storm is locked up alone in his parent's empty house, with the lights off and presumily with the curtains drawn, WHY is he wearing a blindfold when there is no pony to see him?
I would think he would wait until he decided to let Dash in, and only then put on the blindfold.
Also eyes damaged by heat or steam would be more milky white (like severe cataracts) then clear or colorless.IMO.
This a very good chapter, I guess the way the story is progressing there are only 1 or 2 more, unless you add another plot element, like maybe discrimination against Storm now that it is known he is blind.
Maybe the Weather Patrol will want to fire him (Not Dash, but her bosses.) Or other Pegasi claiming his hearing was an unfair advantage or cheating and wanting to remove his wins in the Dark Races or prevent him from racing again.
Storm could also have a group of "well-meaning" ponies trying to stop all his "reckless and /or suicidal" (their opinion) behaivor hor his own good and safety, and maybe even be confined to a nursing home or outreach program. All for his own good, of course.
"Your new found ability. You can see with sound. Every slight movement, every flap of a wing, every step of a hoof you can see. Every vibration in the ground you feel, every gust of wind, every drop of rain you feel" you are... The DareDe- I mean DarePony (dun dun dun)
I just read this chapter and like it so far!
I love this series! Now to try and say something that SOMEONE *cough Nuki cough* hasn't said already... I've got nothin so I'll just say I can't wait for the next!
588355 I'll try to have the last few chapters up soon but dealing with writers block right now so i'm working on one of my other stories.
I also kinda noticed something with all of my stories. Spitfire is in all of them at some point and yet i haven't written a story about her
I've written two that include Rainbow Dash as a primary character. Interesting fact: this was the very first story i ever wrote.
588368 Take your time! I would rather be tortured with a long wait then to have your great quality drop. I discovered you with a lucky random read it and hope it's good click from the front page but just got around to reading all your works. I love all your stuff so far so as long as something is being updated I don't care what it is. I love me some Spitfire stories and any story featuring Rainbow as the protag tends to make me give it a chance. And if this is your first story all I can say is well done sir you started off with a great read
-Jay
>end
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Might write one more chapter. Don't know yet.
THIS IS GOLD!
heated in the fires of inspiration,
tempered with time and thought.
607605 so wait your ending it here?
cute chapter
609803 Trying to figure out how to end it.
Why does almost everyone write 'breath' when they mean 'breathe'?
Breathe = The process of breathing
Breath = Usually an exhalation of air, ie 'releasing a breath' or 'holding one's breath'.
Apologies if I sound like I'm having a go, but I see this mistake so much; only once or twice have I seen it written correctly.
YES! UPDATE!
Will read later. It's pretty long, I'll be a while.
"Totally!" You reply.
Off in the distance, you hear a single word come from a strange bipedal creature crouched behind some bushes - "Giggity!"
-WTF brain.
449403 Disregard Skyrim; aquire ponies. Oh, and Minecraft too!
Well, it is 2:45 a.m. finally finished the released chapters. NO REGRETS BECUASE PONIES!
It was great man, better then my first story.
Loved it man, one of my favorites
Brilliant mate definaty one of my favs now