Wandering Sunrise remembers Equestria as it once was: a land of harmony, broken by strife. She was sealed in a Stable-Tec stasis pod the day the Megaspells hit... and she wakes up in a pool of water, surrounded by strangers.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay! So Pinky interspecies voyeurism is a thing......Good job on this chapter.
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Really? A good job with no issues?
Nice to See Sunrise getting a break From fighting, she deserves it. And getting a good Night with her lover.
Also, interesting flashback to her Transformation.
I like your Sense of Humor
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I was reading this pretty quickly. I wanted to know when the next boot dropped. So your spell checker may have left an "s" off "run" to make it "runs" somewhere..... But as for the rest, I chalked it up to how the character was speaking....the Griffin characters in particular. Keep it up!
11th paragraph from the bottom. "gasped for air and found I could easily breath.' I think you want breathe not breath.
All and all another good down time chapter. I have to say i miss thiose fun Rp time we did back then between games. I hope we find time for more of them.
reminds me of "the black griffon" by Mercedes Lackey, where griffons had to put on a fancy flying display AND have mid-air sex to actually have babies.
Reeeeeeee
11692534
Yes?
My reaction to that was saying out lout that "I want to throw up when I see a line like this". It is an obnoxious exposition. I know you want to share this information with a reader, but it is just lazy writing. This doesn't sound like something Agent 9 wouldn't know at this point, there is no reason to share this information in front of Sunrise other than informing us. For once, though, I cannot complain about your tendency to pointing out specific numbers where they are not needed, because they are here. This is the one instance where it actually serves a purpose for me to keep track of them.
We get a flashback to when we met Pink for the first time. I find her appearence had no obvious trigger to it. The only one I could suspect was the green-and-purple fluid being pumped into Sunrise at the time. It'd explain why Pink started as a cloud slowly shaping up as the fluid filled her. As to what it is, I have no idea. The colors only remind me of Sombra's magic, nothing established in the story comes to mind. I hope this gets an explanation later.
A crapton of information is being shared in this chapter - I mean a TON. Not only is this information spicing up our surroundings, but it is mostly transfered in a natural way. Praise you for that. I actually managed to get immersed in this chapter for a bit. Sometimes something shines through what I called the "grit" in Dead Tree and this chapter is one of them.
I am getting abusive relationship vibes from Sunrise and Alguacil. At this point he is allowing her to hit him in public to shut him up and Wandering actually mentions that she starts to like it. Ealier in the chapter, he lets her through with granting the PoWs amnesty - something I believe he might have even killed her if it came up at the beginning of the story. He says he grants her the privelage to do so on the basis of being fond of her. Doesn't it sound exactly like an abusive relationship? Man, how I wish it developed over time into full-on abuse. It is something I have never seen and at this point it could be shaped that way easily. I suspect it was unintentional from your side to make it seem so, but man, just imagine the possibilities. This sort of stuff can only be accomplished in long-term media, that is probably why I have never encountered it.
I vibe with this. I, on behalf of Sunrise (because she didn't have a reaction), am in awe at how perfectly Nyota put their situation in words.