Wandering Sunrise remembers Equestria as it once was: a land of harmony, broken by strife. She was sealed in a Stable-Tec stasis pod the day the Megaspells hit... and she wakes up in a pool of water, surrounded by strangers.
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I believe i found a mistake: There seems to be quote marks in where there are not supposed to be .
Hey, DM you on discord with my suggestions
8731788
Got it thank you.
8732238
Love the bit where you shock Chifundo out of rhyming, though it does pose a question, is Chifundo rhyming naturally or is it an act? I will have to think on this
8732335
I think it is natural but when he is disrupted he can't hold the train of thought properly.
8732349
like when someone stutters or looses train of thought in the aftermath of a shock or surprise
8732833
Damn skippy! There is a lot of conversation we don't realize happens that people don't get to finish speaking or interrupt each other that happens in real life so I'm trying to make these conversations feel as realistic as possible.
8733015
well it certainly worked this time
Paragraph 24 first sentence you used blushed where it should be brushed
Paragraph 32 second sentence even should be ever
Paragraph 36 ABOSLUTLY should be ABSOLUTELY
And Paragraph 62 first sentence fell should be feel
8733502
Thank you! Got all of them! though it is easier if you spell out the first couple of words before the word that needs changing.
It's like crack, but Ponies! And DEATH! #LunaBestPony #CooperDetention #PinkyCthuluPie
amazing story it has me hook it so well written i cant wait to read more of this amazing story!
8759616
The editor is working on part 14 and we have a special guest editor doing rewrites of 1, 3, 4, and 5 that should be ready by March 30th so that you will get chapter 14-17 over the next few weeks and have a completely rewritten and better chapters 1-5 to read as well.
8759567
Wait till you get hit with the reveals coming up in chapter 16-18 ;)
8749808
Fair
8733017
If you say so.
Quick Stitch's backstory isn't quite accurate, but short of reading the whole character bio, and re-editing the chapter, it's not a big deal.
8760055
I can re-edit the chapter if you think it's inaccurate. You are his actor, fill in the lines to me you think he should say. I"ll get to work on it.
8760677
*sneaks in* got it *gets water and goes back to bed*
I noticed, or failed to notice, that you have not described Corners' cutie mark, I mean as a reader I can guess it is a box, but since it just arrived, would Sunrise at least think something like, "A box for a cutie mark, saw that one coming, but why did it have to look like the doodle covered one?" There are more simple grammar errors, but I found those to be in the minority, and over all easy to interpolate what you were trying to convey.
8778863
Can you give me some reference where this is? and if you wanna point those out it would be helpful.
8779243
Chapter 13
In both the sentences leading up to, and after this one, no where did I notice the description of Corners' cutie mark. As for the grammar, I'll download the pages and re-read them, editing them along the way, I'll try and highlight the areas I noticed, with edits as well.
Hard to read, but a really good chapter, if not a bit confusing because of what should be easily caught words.
You need a solid editor, yo.
On to the next!
8779955
Should be fixed now.
8832462
This is the one chapter we didn't have an editor for at all and Props will be going over it as soon as we finish up touching up chapters 5-8.
Is he that oblivious? Really Chifundo? You can sense the moods of spirits but you can't tell when I mare is flirting?
can't tell when i mare is flirting?.
There were many more but this is what i remembered.
8867982
Chapter 13 and 14 lacked an editor.
These will be overhauled soon.
So here is when Chifundo met Picline, Sunrise realizes Nyota really, really likes her. and more back story about the bombs falling!
8868889
Yes and it just keeps building.
The progression of the story is still just as good, I'm looking forward to seeing more of the flashbacks. The lead up to Mega Spell Day was super creepy with the stable staff, I feel bad for Sunrise.
Glad to see her start to work on her barriers with Nyota, and answering some questions about him as well.
Also, a chapter without her puking! What is this witchcraft?
9110611
It's like the wasteland or something is starting to effect her. I mean ya know, raiders don't happen overnight ;)
A nice picture. And it's wonderful how she deploys her relationship to the others.
9474518
What do you mean deploys?
You say:
and then, 20 paragraphs later, same scene you say:
You use picline and Pick Line interchangeably.
9647218
There are still things I need to work out.
It should be Picline but you don't cite an instance of Pick Line.
I thought it was obvious that it was in the chapter I had just left the message in.
9648189
Was bound to happen once or twice. Thank you.
this makes me think of an FE-themed videogame i found, where you can learn a recipe to make grenades out of "sparkle-cola rad".
10924262
*giggles about future events*
Given what happens later, this wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility. Maybe even pull an Aang.
11173079
I mean.... maybe not exactly but pretty close if I had my way.
Last chapter finished with a horrifying lucid, dreamlike memory of Sunrise getting tortured. Here, she wakes up with tears streaking down her muzzle, which are immediately forgotten for the sake of Chifundo's ass.
The whole atmosphere shifts so abruptly into another wholesome adventure with a Picline hitting on Chifundo. These chapters in settlements have such a slow pace. All of them. There is no danger, ponies we meet aren't interesting. I feel so out of it and want them to end. The constant grammatical errors are killing any remaining immersion I am trying to keep.
Apart from all the negative things I have to say about this chapters, I think the conversation with Nyota was almost great. There were some bits that seemed off in there. Also, the flashbacks are the highlights, as always.
I have a suspicion, with no base at all, that her tail is possessed by her mother. Just because Shadow Window had the same colors. But it is countered by how uninvolved the tail is most of the time.